Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / #9 Five steps to forgiveness

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#9 Five steps to forgiveness · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

0:04
Speaker 1: Hello, this is the all new Positivity Podcast, Episode number eight.
0:08
Speaker 1: My name is doctor Justin Coulson, and welcome to the
0:11
Speaker 1: podcast that's dedicated to making your life, your work, and
0:15
Speaker 1: your family happier. In two thousand and six, a thirty
0:19
Speaker 1: two year old man, he was the Milkman, walked into
0:22
Speaker 1: an Amish school in the USA and he shot and
0:25
Speaker 1: killed five girls. He injured another five, and then he
0:28
Speaker 1: took his own life with his gun. It was just
0:31
Speaker 1: one of so many mass shootings in the USA, and
0:35
Speaker 1: obviously it garnered worldwide attention. Well, what you might not
0:38
Speaker 1: know about that story is that the gunman's parents wanted
0:42
Speaker 1: to leave town when they found out what their son
0:45
Speaker 1: had done. They were devastated, obviously, and they felt like
0:48
Speaker 1: they needed to get out of their start their lives
0:50
Speaker 1: somewhere else, just get away away from the fear of
0:53
Speaker 1: judgment and reprisal. Well, the Amish people, the victims include
1:00
Speaker 1: parents of the dead, visited the parents of the gunman
1:04
Speaker 1: the very night of the incident. They attended the funeral
1:08
Speaker 1: of the man who had taken their daughter's lives, and
1:11
Speaker 1: they expressed immediate forgiveness. Terry Roberts was the mother of
1:16
Speaker 1: the gunman. In her words, she said, there are not
1:20
Speaker 1: words to describe how that made us feel that day,
1:23
Speaker 1: for the mother and father who had lost not just one,
1:27
Speaker 1: but two daughters at the hand of our son to
1:30
Speaker 1: come up and be the first ones to greet us.
1:33
Speaker 2: Wow.
1:34
Speaker 1: Is there anything in this life that we should not forgive?
1:38
Speaker 1: That's the end of the quote. It seems that forgiveness
1:43
Speaker 1: has given Terry Roberts a future and helped her to
1:46
Speaker 1: find a sense of meaning and maybe even happiness in
1:50
Speaker 1: her life as a result. Today, we're going to talk
1:53
Speaker 1: about forgiveness and how it makes us happier in our
1:57
Speaker 1: lives at work and at home. We'll take a look
2:00
Speaker 1: at a child who has anxiety about getting in the
2:03
Speaker 1: car after a car crash with ask doctor justin forgiveness
2:08
Speaker 1: coming up in just a moment.
2:09
Speaker 3: Are you pulling your hair out because your child won't listen,
2:12
Speaker 3: won't do what your request? Do you find yourself shouting
2:15
Speaker 3: at the children because you just don't know what else
2:17
Speaker 3: to do. Do you have a child who is aggressive
2:20
Speaker 3: or hurting you or his or her siblings, or are
2:23
Speaker 3: you dealing with a child that is back chatting or disrespectful.
2:27
Speaker 3: Are you finding parenting more challenging than you ever thought possible.
2:31
Speaker 3: Doctor Justin Coulson provides one on one parenting coaching via
2:35
Speaker 3: Skype or phone and can help you with parenting coaching.
2:38
Speaker 3: You receive personalized individual guidance design specifically for your family's
2:43
Speaker 3: unique circumstances. Find solutions to the parenting problems that are
2:48
Speaker 3: driving you crazy, effective discipline strategies where you can stop
2:51
Speaker 3: being the drill sergeant, a better relationship with your children,
2:55
Speaker 3: and a happier home where everyone looks forward to being together.
2:59
Speaker 3: For more detail, and a coaching package that will suit you,
3:02
Speaker 3: visit Justinculson dot com forward slash coaching.
3:07
Speaker 1: Forgiveness is a challenge. Somebody does something to you that
3:10
Speaker 1: you don't like. Forgiving them is not Let's just say,
3:13
Speaker 1: it's not a typical reaction, whether it's as simple as
3:16
Speaker 1: having someone cut you off while you're driving, or something
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Speaker 1: as dramatic and horrific as being hurt or having a
3:22
Speaker 1: loved one taken from you. Now, some people might say
3:25
Speaker 1: why should I forgive? Others might say I refuse to forgive.
3:30
Speaker 1: Let's get a definition of forgiveness first, and then we'll
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Speaker 1: talk about what research tells us about how forgiveness affects
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Speaker 1: us and others. At a minimum, forgiveness means that we
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Speaker 1: let go of a desire to retaliate against somebody. If
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Speaker 1: we're going to have an ongoing relationship with the person,
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Speaker 1: it's about moving towards positive feelings towards them. I think
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Speaker 1: that it's also helpful to look at unforgiveness and what
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Speaker 1: that might be. Unforgiveness is when we maintain our opposition
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Speaker 1: or our hostility towards someone for what they've done. So
4:01
Speaker 1: when we forgive, we basically let go of that opposition,
4:03
Speaker 1: We let go of that hostility towards them for what
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Speaker 1: they've done. It doesn't necessarily mean that we're going to
4:09
Speaker 1: forget what they've done, nor does it mean that we're
4:11
Speaker 1: going to condone what they've done or even necessarily be
4:13
Speaker 1: their friends again. But it is about a conciliation of sorts.
4:19
Speaker 1: For an ongoing relationship, it is about a reconciliation. But
4:22
Speaker 1: even for a relationship that will not be ongoing, there
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Speaker 1: needs to be some sort of a conciliation for forgiveness
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Speaker 1: to happen. Now, what I'm not going to do in
4:31
Speaker 1: this podcast is tell you who to forgive or what
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Speaker 1: to forgive them for.
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Speaker 2: That's up to you.
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Speaker 1: But instead I want to step out the ramifications of
4:38
Speaker 1: forgiveness and unforgiveness and give you some tips on helping
4:42
Speaker 1: to forgive. Let's talk about unforgiveness for just a minute.
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Speaker 1: Unforgiveness has been shown in studies around the world to
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Speaker 1: take a toll on people physically, mentally, obviously, socially in
4:56
Speaker 1: our relationships, and even have an impact on our spiritual health.
5:00
Speaker 2: If you think about.
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Speaker 1: People that you know who are consumed with anger and
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Speaker 1: thoughts of revenge or simply an inability to let go
5:07
Speaker 1: of something that happened to them at some point in
5:09
Speaker 1: their lives. People who will not forgive, you've probably found
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Speaker 1: that they're not necessarily nice to be around. You've probably
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Speaker 1: found that they can be quite bitter, that their conversations
5:20
Speaker 1: are fairly negative. You may even find that they're quite
5:23
Speaker 1: unhealthy because it does have a physical toll as well.
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Speaker 1: By contrast, new research suggests that forgiveness is of benefit
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Speaker 1: to our health and of benefit to our wellbeing.
5:35
Speaker 2: There was one.
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Speaker 1: Study that I read where a psychologist asked people to
5:38
Speaker 1: think about someone who had hurt them, or mistreated them,
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Speaker 1: or offended them didn't have to be a big thing.
5:43
Speaker 1: They just had to have been heard or mistreated or
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Speaker 1: offended by somebody. And while they thought about this person
5:49
Speaker 1: and the offense, the psychologists monitored their blood pressure, their
5:53
Speaker 1: heart rate, even monitored the muscle tension in their face,
5:58
Speaker 1: and also how much the sweat gland activity was going on.
6:02
Speaker 1: What she found was that when people were ruminating over
6:05
Speaker 1: an old transgression, in other words, when people were being
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Speaker 1: unforgiving and recalling this grudge, their physiological symptoms were soaring.
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Speaker 1: Their blood pressure, their heart rate at all increased, they
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Speaker 1: were sweating more, they became more stressed. They reported that
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Speaker 1: they felt unpleasant. In short, it made them feel angry
6:29
Speaker 1: and sad and anxious, and it actually made them feel
6:31
Speaker 1: like they were not in control of their lives. It
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Speaker 1: reduced their self efficacy. The participants were also asked in
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Speaker 1: this study to think about that incident and think about
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Speaker 1: the person who had offended them or hurt them, and
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Speaker 1: try to empathize with their offender or try to imagine
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Speaker 1: forgiving them, try to see what it was like for
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Speaker 1: them and what might have caused it, and sort of
6:54
Speaker 1: walked through that put themselves in that person's shoes. When
6:59
Speaker 1: they practiced forgivenessness, that physical arousal, those physiological signs coasted downward.
7:07
Speaker 1: They showed no more of a stress reaction than just
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Speaker 1: normal wakefulness, just being awake and alive produces. So why
7:15
Speaker 1: might that relationship between unforgiveness and negative health symptoms exist?
7:21
Speaker 1: Have a think about this. Hostility is a central part
7:24
Speaker 1: of unforgiveness. When we won't forgive somebody, we stay mad
7:27
Speaker 1: at them hostile and hostility has also been found a
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Speaker 1: bit a part of type A behavior that seems to
7:35
Speaker 1: have the most devastating health effects, like increased risk of
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Speaker 1: cardiovascular disease as well as just increased levels of stress
7:44
Speaker 1: hormones in the body. When we give up a grudge,
7:49
Speaker 1: it actually frees us, not necessarily the other person, but
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Speaker 1: it frees us from those feelings of hostility and all
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Speaker 1: of the unhealthy consequences around that.
7:59
Speaker 2: So how do we forgive?
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Speaker 1: I have a five step plan that will help you
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Speaker 1: to forgive others if that's what you choose to do,
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Speaker 1: because of the health benefits, because of the psychological benefits,
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Speaker 1: and because of the social benefits among others. First off,
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Speaker 1: Step one, acknowledge what happened. You might not need to
8:15
Speaker 1: acknowledge it to anybody but yourself. But it's important that
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Speaker 1: you acknowledge what happened. Maybe acknowledge it to the offender
8:20
Speaker 1: if it's viable to do so, but be honest about it.
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Speaker 1: Front up and say this is what happened, and it's
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Speaker 1: not okay that it happened.
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Speaker 2: It was wrong.
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Speaker 1: You might choose to tell somebody else about it, but
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Speaker 1: you do it not with a view to venting and
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Speaker 1: being angry about it. Instead, you do it with a
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Speaker 1: view to understanding it. It's not about steaming up. It's
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Speaker 1: about getting a clear picture of what happened and really
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Speaker 1: understanding it.
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Speaker 2: Step two.
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Speaker 1: Once you've acknowledged it and you've worked through your own
8:46
Speaker 1: feelings of frustration and anger, and you're calm enough to
8:49
Speaker 1: think beyond that emotional center of the brain, the limbic system,
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Speaker 1: the part of the brain that's really fired up about it,
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Speaker 1: use your prefrontal cortex to can cosit of the offender's
9:01
Speaker 1: point of view, to try and empathize with the offender.
9:05
Speaker 1: Now you don't have to agree with them, but you
9:07
Speaker 1: do have to try and understand what pain are they in,
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Speaker 1: what led them to do something so wrong, What hurt
9:15
Speaker 1: in their lives, is causing them to lash out like
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Speaker 1: this to hurt others. Once we start to empathize with
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Speaker 1: the other person and try to understand where they are
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Speaker 1: in their lives and why they think it's okay to
9:25
Speaker 1: do that, we have these powerful shifts in our perception
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Speaker 1: and this increased capacity to forgive. The third step is
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Speaker 1: to get perspective. Is the person's action hurting you anymore?
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Speaker 1: If it's not, then what is hurting you is your thoughts,
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Speaker 1: the fact that you're ruminating about it and that you
9:46
Speaker 1: can't stop reflecting on it, that you're.
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Speaker 2: Not letting it go.
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Speaker 1: It may have hurt when it happened, but does it
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Speaker 1: have to keep on hurting. The fourth step is this,
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Speaker 1: if you can make a conscious decision, let it go.
10:00
Speaker 1: This is where we cue the Frozen soundtrack and start singing.
10:02
Speaker 2: Let it go, Let it go.
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Speaker 1: If you think you can talk to the other person
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Speaker 1: the offender, let them know I forgive you for what
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Speaker 1: you've done. Now, sometimes they might not even know that
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Speaker 1: they've upset you, and walking into that situation where you
10:14
Speaker 1: say I forgive you sounds very self righteous. So think
10:18
Speaker 1: carefully about the way you want to approach this and
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Speaker 1: whether you even need to talk to them about it.
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Speaker 1: But letting somebody know I forgive you for what you've done,
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Speaker 1: especially if they.
10:25
Speaker 2: Are sorry, is powerful.
10:27
Speaker 1: If you don't think it's appropriate to actually tell them
10:30
Speaker 1: that you've forgiven them, maybe you can write a letter
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Speaker 1: explaining your perspective and outlining what you guess their perspective
10:37
Speaker 1: might be that could help you. May or may not
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Speaker 1: choose to deliver it. It's really about going through this
10:41
Speaker 1: process of acknowledging what happened, working through your own feelings,
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Speaker 1: and then considering their point of view, getting some perspective
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Speaker 1: on whether or not it's still affecting you or whether
10:51
Speaker 1: it still needs to affect you, and then actually letting
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Speaker 1: it go. That's step four. Step five the final step.
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Speaker 1: When you feel yourself succumbing to your over the issue,
11:01
Speaker 1: because it will come up again and again and again,
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Speaker 1: remind yourself that you've dealt with it and that you've
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Speaker 1: gotten it out of your system. Remind yourself that stewing
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Speaker 1: over it isn't going to make it better, but moving
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Speaker 1: on will.
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Speaker 2: Those are the five steps that I.
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Speaker 1: Think will help you to forgive and move on in
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Speaker 1: healthy and productive ways and improve your well being as
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Speaker 1: a result. I love the analogy I heard this years ago.
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Speaker 1: There are two courses of action to follow when one
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Speaker 1: is bitten by a rattlesnake. One may, in anger, fear,
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Speaker 1: or vengefulness, pursue the creature and kill it, or he
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Speaker 1: may make full haste to get the venom out of
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Speaker 1: his system. If we pursue the latter course, we will
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Speaker 1: likely survive, but if we attempt to follow the former,
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Speaker 1: we may not be around long enough to finish it.
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Speaker 1: In other words, worry about fixing up yourself, and forgiveness
11:54
Speaker 1: is an important part of that. Don't worry about chasing
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Speaker 1: down the snake and killing it.
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Speaker 2: You're only going to hurt your self in the process.
12:01
Speaker 1: What does this mean in an applied sense, Well, if
12:03
Speaker 1: your teenager gives you a whole bunch of attitude, forgive him.
12:07
Speaker 1: From his perspective, he feels justified. Doesn't mean he's right,
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Speaker 1: but in his mighty is. When we let the anger
12:15
Speaker 1: build and grow, it won't make things better. All it
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Speaker 1: does is drive a wedge into our relationships. It causes resentment,
12:22
Speaker 1: it causes animosity, and it creates more distance. And you
12:26
Speaker 1: probably know too many families have fallen apart because there's
12:30
Speaker 1: been an unwillingness to forgive on one part or another.
12:35
Speaker 1: If a stranger does something awful, like the son of
12:37
Speaker 1: Terry Roberts who killed those five Amish girls, the task
12:42
Speaker 1: is greater. But if you scour the internet looking for
12:45
Speaker 1: stories of forgiveness, you will find a recurring theme. Those
12:49
Speaker 1: who forgive experience peace and eventual happiness and deep meaning
12:55
Speaker 1: in their lives because of what they're able to do now.
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Speaker 1: The reality is that forgiveness is probably not a linear process.
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Speaker 1: It's a roller coaster of ups and downs and backtracking
13:04
Speaker 1: and loop the loops and merry go rounds. You'll hit
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Speaker 1: wonderful highs and then you'll feel yourself racing down a
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Speaker 1: crazy steep decline because of some kind of trigger in
13:11
Speaker 1: your environment that brings back all of those memories. I
13:14
Speaker 1: love the quote from the actress Harriet Nelson. She said,
13:18
Speaker 1: forgive all who have offended you, not for them, but
13:22
Speaker 1: for yourself. You'll feel much needed peace. You'll feel much
13:26
Speaker 1: needed freedom as you focus on forgiving and letting go.
13:30
Speaker 1: Holding onto the pain allows the negative event to maintain
13:33
Speaker 1: an unnecessary hold on your life. You need better, You
13:36
Speaker 1: deserve better. And it's a powerful positivity booster. So here's
13:40
Speaker 1: my question for you. Have you forgiven someone, maybe someone
13:44
Speaker 1: that you were struggling to forgive, someone that it was
13:46
Speaker 1: hard to forgive, and if so, how did it improve
13:49
Speaker 1: your life? You don't need to leave all the details,
13:51
Speaker 1: but I'd love to know if you leave your answer
13:53
Speaker 1: at Justinculson dot com, slash podcast, slash nine, just use
13:57
Speaker 1: the number nine.
13:58
Speaker 2: I'd love to hear about your.
14:00
Speaker 1: Forgiveness experience and how it's improved your life. Up next,
14:05
Speaker 1: some advice for a mum whose child was in a
14:07
Speaker 1: car accident.
14:09
Speaker 2: And is now afraid of getting into the car.
14:11
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14:39
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15:32
Speaker 1: Justinkilson dot com for this week's Ask Doctor Justin. A
15:36
Speaker 1: mum has been in touch with me. She was involved
15:38
Speaker 1: in a car accident with her six year old daughter.
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Speaker 1: Now her little girl does not want to get back
15:43
Speaker 1: into the car she's afraid, she's anxious. What can she do? Well,
15:47
Speaker 1: here's my response. If your kids are afraid of anything
15:49
Speaker 1: after some sort of a trauma, you're really going to
15:53
Speaker 1: do best if you put yourself in their shoes and
15:55
Speaker 1: try to understand things from their perspective.
15:57
Speaker 2: Just imagine this.
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Speaker 1: Imagine you're afraid of catching airplane. You're afraid of flying,
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Speaker 1: So you climb on board the flight and you feel
16:05
Speaker 1: your heart and your chest starting to pound. You can
16:08
Speaker 1: feel your heart rate increasing, and your palms start sweating,
16:11
Speaker 1: and you can hear your heart pounding your ears, and
16:14
Speaker 1: the pilot sees this worried look on your face and says,
16:17
Speaker 1: don't worry, it'll be okay. So you say, well, I'm
16:22
Speaker 1: actually really scared of flying, and I just watched a
16:24
Speaker 1: documentary the other day about flights crashing. And he says, look,
16:27
Speaker 1: those crashes were accidents. I saw the same show. Sometimes
16:30
Speaker 1: accidents happen. Are you feeling safe? And now maybe he
16:34
Speaker 1: goes the extra mile and says, I'll tell you what.
16:36
Speaker 1: I'll show you all the features of the aircraft. I'll
16:38
Speaker 1: help you understand how good our technology is. And then
16:41
Speaker 1: he gives you a lengthy lecture pointing out all of
16:43
Speaker 1: the various ways that he can ensure your safety. You're
16:46
Speaker 1: feeling comfortable, maybe a little, but probably not in all reality.
16:52
Speaker 1: And then of course at the end of that he
16:53
Speaker 1: smiles and says, if we do have an accident, we've
16:56
Speaker 1: got things in place to keep you safe as well.
16:58
Speaker 1: Our hostess will show you every everything that you need
17:00
Speaker 1: to know, and then he hands you over to one
17:02
Speaker 1: of those safety brochures to read in the seat pocket
17:05
Speaker 1: in front of you. The chances are, with all of
17:07
Speaker 1: that time and with all that talking, with all that attention,
17:10
Speaker 1: you're still going to be pretty much petrified. One of
17:12
Speaker 1: the most common parenting mistakes that we make is that
17:15
Speaker 1: when our children are experiencing these really intense emotions like fear,
17:19
Speaker 1: we become really logical with them. Whether they're afraid, or
17:24
Speaker 1: whether they're frustrated or feeling really sad, or they're grieving
17:26
Speaker 1: or they're angry, we very quickly and very neatly explain
17:30
Speaker 1: why everything's okay. We tell them to calm down and
17:32
Speaker 1: everything's fine, and we tell them to just trust me.
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Speaker 1: Sometimes we tell them what happened and why and what
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Speaker 1: the outcome will be, or what the outcome might be.
17:43
Speaker 1: And it seems that this mom might be doing this
17:46
Speaker 1: a bit with her daughter. She's kind of stepping it
17:48
Speaker 1: through and saying, look, it was an accident. These things
17:50
Speaker 1: only happen every now and again. It's probably not ever
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Speaker 1: going to happen again, and you're going to be fine,
17:54
Speaker 1: and we've got a safe car and we've got seat belts.
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Speaker 2: And it'll be fine. Now, we do this with the
17:59
Speaker 2: very best of intense.
18:01
Speaker 1: We feel that if we give our children more information
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Speaker 1: that that's all that they need. But unfortunately, when we
18:10
Speaker 1: say things like you'll be fine, it was an accident,
18:12
Speaker 1: how often has it happened before? Calm down, it doesn't
18:15
Speaker 1: really make them feel reassured or safe.
18:18
Speaker 2: And let me ask you this, what makes.
18:20
Speaker 1: You feel reassured or safe is a logical explanation from
18:23
Speaker 1: somebody who knows more than.
18:25
Speaker 2: You and is more experienced than you.
18:27
Speaker 1: Maybe sometimes it could be, but i'd venture that more
18:31
Speaker 1: often than not, it's not going to be enough.
18:34
Speaker 2: Is it?
18:34
Speaker 1: Somebody telling you to calm down? Usually when somebody tells
18:37
Speaker 1: me to calm down, it makes me more and more anxious.
18:40
Speaker 2: Well, there may.
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Speaker 1: Be some people for whom this is enough. Many people
18:45
Speaker 1: are still not going to feel that good about it,
18:47
Speaker 1: because understanding at an intellectual or a logical level is
18:51
Speaker 1: not what our kids normally need. It's something at an
18:54
Speaker 1: emotional level that they need. I think what will help
18:56
Speaker 1: this little girl most is emotional first aid. When you
18:59
Speaker 1: think of the physical first aid we give to a
19:01
Speaker 1: child who's hurt, we rush to them, We clean their wounds,
19:03
Speaker 1: we cover their wounds, we tend to them until they're
19:06
Speaker 1: out of danger. Emotional first aid is the same kind
19:08
Speaker 1: of thing, but it's focused on the emotions rather than
19:11
Speaker 1: the physical body. So if our child is hurting emotionally,
19:14
Speaker 1: we focus on soothing their emotions. Researchers from MIT and
19:19
Speaker 1: from Yale, among others, have created entire programs that are
19:22
Speaker 1: built on teaching people how to give emotional first aid
19:26
Speaker 1: coaching children through emotions, and the steps are really quite simple.
19:30
Speaker 1: Here's my simplified version, bringing together a few of these
19:33
Speaker 1: programs in one. First of all, acknowledge that your child's
19:36
Speaker 1: experiencing the emotion and see it, secondly as a chance
19:40
Speaker 1: to be close to them. Third, label the emotion, give
19:43
Speaker 1: it a name. You're feeling really afraid, You're feeling really anxious. Fourth,
19:47
Speaker 1: validate the emotion. Sometimes I feel like that too. Lots
19:50
Speaker 1: of people feel like that.
19:51
Speaker 2: When they're in that situation.
19:52
Speaker 1: Whatever it is that you need to say to validate
19:54
Speaker 1: it doesn't mean that they're right, by the way, It
19:56
Speaker 1: just means that you're saying, I get how you feel.
19:58
Speaker 1: Sometimes people feel like and lastly, problem solved together once
20:03
Speaker 1: the emotion has subsided. See, children want to know that
20:07
Speaker 1: the world is safe and predictable, and a little girl
20:11
Speaker 1: who has been involved in a car accident and now
20:15
Speaker 1: is scared to get in a car is really saying
20:17
Speaker 1: I believed in a safe world, and now that belief
20:20
Speaker 1: has been interrupted by the accident, and so she needs
20:23
Speaker 1: to feel safe again. She doesn't need to be told
20:26
Speaker 1: she's safe again. She needs to feel safe and the
20:29
Speaker 1: best way to help her feel safe is to see
20:31
Speaker 1: her emotional pain and respond to it, to be close
20:35
Speaker 1: to it, to tell her what you think she's feeling,
20:37
Speaker 1: and that everyone feels like that, and then hug her,
20:39
Speaker 1: and then when she's ready, say.
20:41
Speaker 2: Well, what should we do about it?
20:43
Speaker 1: I think that it's really important that if a child's
20:46
Speaker 1: hesitant to do something that has caused some trauma, whether
20:49
Speaker 1: it's getting into a car or going in the pool
20:51
Speaker 1: or whatever it might be, we should let them know
20:53
Speaker 1: that that's normal as well, and engaging conversation to help
20:56
Speaker 1: them decide that they will actually go and do it again.
21:00
Speaker 1: Couple of extra points, don't make a big deal about it.
21:02
Speaker 1: Just be patient, be compassionate, don't bring it up, don't
21:05
Speaker 1: get frustrated. If she goes backwards before going forwards, that's
21:07
Speaker 1: pretty normal. It's about being patient. And similarly, if she's
21:13
Speaker 1: in the car, for example, and she gets mad at
21:15
Speaker 1: other drivers because they've frightened her, instead of getting mad
21:19
Speaker 1: at her, just be understanding and use those steps that
21:22
Speaker 1: I've outlined to respond softly and let her know it's
21:25
Speaker 1: okay to be afraid. So that's my answer for that one.
21:27
Speaker 1: If you have any questions about your parenting your child rearing,
21:31
Speaker 1: you can ask me a question at justinculson dot com
21:33
Speaker 1: slash questions. All you've got to do is leave a
21:36
Speaker 1: voice message there, or you can email me or the
21:38
Speaker 1: info you need Justinculson dot com slash questions. Up next,
21:42
Speaker 1: I've got an important announcement that I think you'll be
21:44
Speaker 1: very interested in and a quote. In fact, I've got
21:46
Speaker 1: about four quotes about forgiveness that I hope that you'll
21:48
Speaker 1: be able to share with your kids and remember for
21:50
Speaker 1: a long, long time.
21:51
Speaker 5: Parenting is the most important thing we will ever do,
21:54
Speaker 5: so it's important that we get it right. But with
21:57
Speaker 5: so much pressure, demands, and advice, it's hard to know
22:00
Speaker 5: what our children really need. Using the very best scientific
22:03
Speaker 5: research and then turning it into an easy to read
22:05
Speaker 5: book and cd What your Child Needs from You helps
22:08
Speaker 5: you connect with your children in meaningful ways. Doctor John
22:12
Speaker 5: Irvine reviewed it and said practical, easy to read, well referenced,
22:15
Speaker 5: and covers so many of the day to day topics
22:17
Speaker 5: parents agonize over, and Michael Gross claimed this is a
22:20
Speaker 5: book that deserves a special place by the side of
22:23
Speaker 5: every parent's band. What your Child Needs from You from
22:26
Speaker 5: Doctor Justin Coulson is the parenting book that offers the
22:29
Speaker 5: solutions to make you a better parent and help your
22:31
Speaker 5: family to be happier. Available as an ebook and an
22:34
Speaker 5: audiobook at major online booksellers now and at Justinculson dot com.
22:40
Speaker 1: Well, I'm pretty excited to tell you that I'm just
22:42
Speaker 1: a short time away from releasing two new ebooks. The
22:45
Speaker 1: first one is all about positivity. It's a quirky little
22:48
Speaker 1: ebook called five Surprising Secrets to Creating a Happier, more
22:52
Speaker 1: successful You starting now. And in this e book, I'm
22:56
Speaker 1: going to uncover a bunch of little known scientific facts
23:00
Speaker 1: of which are remarkably counterintuitive, that can lead us, our
23:05
Speaker 1: work teams, and our families to greater happiness and success without.
23:10
Speaker 2: A great deal of effort at all. And I think
23:12
Speaker 2: you're going to love it.
23:12
Speaker 1: As well as that, I've been collaborating with a dietitian
23:15
Speaker 1: by the name of Fiona Sutherland on an ebook called
23:18
Speaker 1: Getting It Right Without a Fight. It's an ebook for
23:20
Speaker 1: parents of fussy eaters. I'll be launching that.
23:23
Speaker 2: In a few weeks.
23:24
Speaker 1: And if you've ever experienced food battles with you young'uns,
23:28
Speaker 1: this is the book for you.
23:30
Speaker 2: So I'll keep you posted on that one. Okay.
23:32
Speaker 1: This week's quote on forgiveness, Oscar Wilde said, always forgive
23:36
Speaker 1: your enemies, nothing annoys them so much. Well, that's not
23:41
Speaker 1: what this podcast about, but I just wanted to share it,
23:42
Speaker 1: so I thought that was funny. Here we go with
23:44
Speaker 1: a more serious one. Gandy said the week can never forgive.
23:47
Speaker 1: Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong. I love that
23:52
Speaker 1: and Gordon Hinckley said, the willingness to forgive is a
23:55
Speaker 1: sign of spiritual and emotional maturity. It is one of
23:59
Speaker 1: the great virtues to which we all should aspire. Imagine
24:02
Speaker 1: a world filled with the individuals willing both to apologize
24:06
Speaker 1: and to accept an apology. Is there any problem that
24:10
Speaker 1: could not be solved among people who possessed the humility
24:13
Speaker 1: and largeness of spirit and soul to do either or
24:17
Speaker 1: both when needed? Mark Twain, Forgiveness is the fragrance that
24:23
Speaker 1: the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.
24:28
Speaker 1: Beautiful and so important. I hope you've enjoyed the podcast
24:31
Speaker 1: this week. That's all I've got for you for this week.
24:33
Speaker 1: Thank you for listening. If you have any questions that
24:35
Speaker 1: you'd like answered, go to Justinculson dot com slash questions
24:40
Speaker 1: and I'll do my best to answer you in an
24:41
Speaker 1: upcoming podcast. Just leave a voice message there, or you
24:45
Speaker 1: can send me an email as well. And if you've
24:47
Speaker 1: enjoyed this podcast, you can find the outline and the
24:50
Speaker 1: resource links in the show notes at Justinculson dot com
24:53
Speaker 1: slash podcast slash nine. As in the number nine, I'd
24:56
Speaker 1: love to hear about your forgiveness experiences. So at the
25:00
Speaker 1: site let me know Justin Coulson dot com slash podcast
25:03
Speaker 1: Slash nine. As always, I'd love to encourage you to
25:07
Speaker 1: share the podcast as well. If it's made an impact
25:09
Speaker 1: on you or it helped you either in your personal
25:12
Speaker 1: or professional life or in your parenting, I'd be really
25:14
Speaker 1: appreciative if you could visit that website Justinculson dot com
25:17
Speaker 1: slash podcast Slash nine. You'll find a prepopulated Twitter or
25:21
Speaker 1: Facebook post that you can share with your friends and
25:23
Speaker 1: followers and help people to find out about the podcast.
25:27
Speaker 1: And I'd also be so grateful if you would rate
25:29
Speaker 1: the podcast on iTunes. It's your ratings that determine how
25:32
Speaker 1: likely it is that people will discover the podcast. The
25:36
Speaker 1: ratings boost the visibility of the podcast, and it helps
25:38
Speaker 1: other people find out that I'm here and that I'm
25:40
Speaker 1: trying to have a positive impact in their lives and
25:43
Speaker 1: in their families, So that'd be great if you do that.
25:46
Speaker 1: Of course, you can subscribe to the podcast at iTunes
25:48
Speaker 1: as well.
25:49
Speaker 2: That's it for this week.
25:50
Speaker 1: I will have another podcast All Sets go next week.
25:53
Speaker 1: Until then, remember, the greatest weapon against stress is our
25:57
Speaker 1: ability to choose one food over an
26:02
Speaker 3: In