Latest / Inner Work With MaryAnn Walker: Life Coach for People Pleasers / 196: Ten Things to Stop Doing in 2026

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196: Ten Things to Stop Doing in 2026 · Inner Work With MaryAnn Walker: Life Coach for People Pleasers

• 0:20
  Well, hello and welcome back.
• 0:22
  My name is MaryAnn Walker and I help kind and empathetic people figure out what it is they need to stop doing and start doing in order to experience the most joy out of life.
• 0:32
  And today I'm going to be sharing with you 10 things to stop doing in 2026.
• 0:38
  Now as I share these, I really want you to kind of notice if there's any of these that create a big sticking point for you.
• 0:44
  Kind of keep a silent tally of, okay, well now there's this many that have really resonated in a really big way.
• 0:49
  And kind of decide, okay, what's gonna be my number and my tipping point where I'm going to know that, okay, this is my big sign that I need to reach out for MaryAnn for support, use these sticking points as your sign that, okay, yes, I do need to seek help.
• 1:03
  I need help getting these blocks out of the way.
• 1:04
  And once you do, you're going to be able to breathe so much easier.
• 1:09
  Yes, you can do a lot of this work on your own.
• 1:11
  And also sometimes having professional support can make all the difference.
• 1:15
  For example, if you've been listening for a while now, then you know that in December I had surgery on my nose to help me to breathe better.
• 1:21
  There were a few structural things happening inside of my nose that were making breathing a challenge for me.
• 1:26
  And this wasn't all of the time.
• 1:27
  Most of the time I was okay.
• 1:28
  But if I had even the tiniest bit of congestion, or sometimes when I was trying to sleep at night, breathing could be a bit of a challenge for me.
• 1:36
  And that let me know that, okay, yes, I do need to seek expert support.
• 1:39
  I do want to breathe easier, so I went ahead and scheduled my surgery.
• 1:43
  And yes, there was some discomfort that came from surgery.
• 1:46
  And also, oh my goodness, I am so glad that I did it.
• 1:50
  For about a week I had stents in my nose to kind of keep the nasal passage open, and when they took those out and I could breathe using my full nostrils, it was kind of amazing.
• 2:00
  To see how good I felt.
• 2:01
  I no longer had the obstructions in my nose, and it felt amazing.
• 2:05
  I had never had so much oxygen in my body, and my body was not used to it, and my lips started to get tingly, and I just felt amazing just being able to breathe and I continue to improve each and every day.
• 2:17
  And also, even though now I know that I can breathe through my nose and that those obstructions are gone, sometimes I catch myself still breathing through my mouth and I have to remind myself, Nope, close your mouth Mare.
• 2:28
  You've got this.
• 2:29
  Close your mouth.
• 2:30
  I have practiced one way of breathing for so much of my life that sometimes, yes, I do have to remind myself that, nope, I know you're used to breathing that way, but I'm choosing to breathe in this way now.
• 2:40
  I had to train myself to stop breathing through my mouth and to start breathing through my nose.
• 2:47
  And the same is true for all of us.
• 2:49
  Sometimes we need some expert support to really help us to learn how to stop doing the things that aren't serving us.
• 2:55
  And also how to start doing things that are more supportive for the life that we wanna create.
• 2:59
  Sometimes we need those reminders that, oh, remember, we worked together to remove what was holding you back, and now you have the tools needed and we're going to utilize those tools.
• 3:08
  I know that it feels comfortable to slide back into the way that things used to be, the way that you used to navigate life, but remember, that's not serving you anymore.
• 3:15
  We intentionally cleared that And now we're choosing to move forward with these tools.
• 3:19
  And that is exactly what coaching is for.
• 3:21
  It's to help you to remove blocks, to provide you with tools moving forward and assist you in your transition from a life that was kind of okay into a life that really makes you tingle with joy, where you think, oh my gosh, I just didn't know that I could feel this good.
• 3:33
  So again, before we dive into these 10 things to stop doing in 2026, I want you to practice tuning into your body and really feel into how much these actions are currently impacting you so that you can better know when it is that you need to seek support.
• 3:47
  All right, number one, stop taking responsibility for other people's emotions.
• 3:52
  It is not your job to fix their feelings.
• 3:54
  And yeah, be a kind human.
• 3:57
  Okay?
• 3:57
  I always encourage everybody to be nice, but please stop over owning other people's emotions because honestly, it doesn't serve either of you.
• 4:05
  For you when you're over owning somebody else's emotions, it makes you tired, and it contributes to that feeling of being overly responsible, anxious, or maybe even like you're walking on eggshells.
• 4:15
  And for them it actually makes it harder for them to feel and process their own emotions and create change for themselves because they've now come to expect that, oh, well they're gonna take care of it for me.
• 4:24
  It's just fine.
• 4:25
  They're gonna fix the problem, they're gonna manage my emotions.
• 4:27
  I don't need to do the work.
• 4:28
  in other words, taking responsibility for others' emotions, it's not helping.
• 4:32
  It's enabling.
• 4:33
  So let them feel and process their own emotions, and you start to do the same.
• 4:38
  All right, number two, stop saying yes when you want to say no.
• 4:42
  This almost always leads to resentment, which is one of the biggest relationship killers.
• 4:48
  Many of you have the belief that, well, if I say yes, if I accommodate, if I self-sacrifice, then I'll be appreciated.
• 4:54
  Then I can earn love and acceptance.
• 4:57
  But more than likely, if you're someone who constantly says yes, when you wanna say no, you aren't feeling appreciated.
• 5:04
  More than likely you're feeling burned out, taken for granted, tired and unseen for your sacrifice.
• 5:12
  Overcommitting and over accommodating, it doesn't make you kind.
• 5:16
  It makes you exhausted, and it makes you disconnected from your own self.
• 5:20
  So stop it.
• 5:22
  All right, number three, stop over explaining your boundaries.
• 5:26
  Saying no does not require a dissertation or a permission slip.
• 5:29
  No is a complete sentence.
• 5:31
  You don't have to explain your calendar, your energy level, or your current capacity to others.
• 5:36
  It's okay to just say, no.
• 5:37
  I know that you think that you have to have the perfect excuse so that other people won't feel bad when you tell them no.
• 5:42
  Right?
• 5:42
  We think, well, if I have the perfect words and a long enough reason and a good enough explanation, Then they won't have their feelings hurt when I tell them no.
• 5:50
  But you are not responsible for their feelings, and there are kind and clear ways to say no.
• 5:57
  In fact, just last week I talked with boundary coach and author Kami Orange, who gave many examples of how to set boundaries with kindness and clarity without overexplaining.
• 6:06
  So if you haven't listened to that episode, go and check it out.
• 6:08
  It's a great one.
• 6:09
  But one of my favorite boundary phrases that she talked about on that episode was saying, I can't do that, but I can do this.
• 6:16
  I know that many of you have big hearts and you want to serve, and also, right now, you just can't make the commitment that they want you to make.
• 6:23
  And so offering up ways that you can help, then that can help to calm your own anxiety and help you to feel helpful while also setting a boundary that, but I'm not gonna be able to fulfill that request.
• 6:35
  And even if you don't have your boundary phrases accessible and available to you in your pocket, then remember that no is a complete sentence.
• 6:42
  And it's okay to just say, I'd love to help you out, but I'm not available during that time.
• 6:47
  All right.
• 6:47
  Number four, stop ignoring your body's signals until burnout forces you to listen.
• 6:53
  Tension, fatigue, irritability, and numbness.
• 6:56
  These are all different forms of information that can help you to identify that, Ooh, I have an unmet need right now.
• 7:02
  Okay.
• 7:02
  It's information, not an inconvenience.
• 7:05
  So listen to your body and practice fulfilling your body's needs.
• 7:09
  Taking care of yourself is what makes your level of loving and serving so much more sustainable for you.
• 7:15
  This is probably a silly story, but I'm gonna share it anyway.
• 7:17
  But I remember a few years back, I had a friend who was very good at tuning into her body, and so we'd go for a walk and then she would stop and she would start stretching her calves on the curb, or she'd go to refill her water bottle.
• 7:29
  And honestly, at that time, because I was so disconnected from what I needed and so tuned in to what others might need, then her small acts of self care, they really gave me pause.
• 7:40
  I found myself wishing well, geez, I wish that I had thought to use the curb to stretch my calves, or thinking, oh boy, I wish that I could just go get a drink or stop my project and go and take a nap without asking for permission when I need one.
• 7:53
  So I wanna say, yeah, I totally understand that this can take some reprogramming.
• 7:58
  It takes practice to tune into you when you become so used to tuning into others.
• 8:04
  But I encourage you to love yourself enough to notice what your needs are.
• 8:07
  preferably before you get sick or super burned out, and then fulfill your own needs.
• 8:13
  Again, listening to your body early is what makes your level of loving and serving more sustainable for you.
• 8:20
  It is not selfish.
• 8:21
  It is compassionate sustainability.
• 8:24
  So stop ignoring the messages of your body.
• 8:27
  All right, number five, stop minimizing your needs to keep the peace.
• 8:32
  Peace that costs you your voice is not peace.
• 8:36
  It is self abandonment.
• 8:37
  It is not only okay to have needs in relationship, but really truly, if you want deep, meaningful, and connective relationships, then it is vital that you actually express your needs in relationship.
• 8:49
  Ignoring your needs it actually teaches other people to do the same.
• 8:52
  And that's going to lead to burnout and resentment in relationship.
• 8:55
  So stop minimizing your needs, thinking that you're an inconvenience or that you're a problem in relationship and practice stating your needs.
• 9:04
  Not only will this help you to see more clearly who it is that's is, and is not willing to support you, not only will it help you to find more balance in relationship, but it's also going to make it infinitely more likely that you can get your needs met when you choose to give voice to them.
• 9:20
  Number six, stop confusing empathy with self-sacrifice.
• 9:25
  You can be compassionate without allowing yourself to become depleted or emotionally drained.
• 9:29
  Just because you can understand how someone is feeling and you may even know what it is that they might need right now, it is not your responsibility to self-sacrifice to the point of a breakdown.
• 9:40
  Love them.
• 9:41
  Yes, be there for them.
• 9:42
  Yes.
• 9:43
  And also it is okay for people to learn how to solve their own problems.
• 9:48
  It is okay to say I love you and I'm here for you, and I can sit with you until eight o'clock tonight and I can check in on you tomorrow, but I do need to leave at 8:00 PM And sure, there may be times where you choose to invest more time and energy into extreme situations.
• 10:02
  And also, I know you and I know how easy it is to confuse somebody else's urgency for your personal emergency.
• 10:09
  And truly most things are not critical.
• 10:12
  In fact, if you need help with this, I do have a whole episode on urgencies versus emergencies and how to tell the difference.
• 10:18
  So check out the show notes for that.
• 10:19
  But if you were in a relationship where imbalance is becoming more and more apparent, where you're always the one sacrificing in a relationship and they either don't have the time, the energy, or the interest in reciprocating it is up to you to figure out how much you can give sustainably.
• 10:33
  Okay.
• 10:34
  Don't wait for them to say, oh, you've worked hard enough.
• 10:36
  Go and take your nap.
• 10:37
  Yeah, I can see that that's not working for you.
• 10:39
  It is up to you to determine how much you can invest.
• 10:42
  And your level of love is not determined by how tired or burned out you are.
• 10:48
  Okay?
• 10:49
  So stop confusing empathy with self sacrifice.
• 10:53
  All right, number seven, stop assuming conflict means that you did something wrong.
• 10:58
  Being uncomfortable or disagreeing with someone, it doesn't mean that you're in danger.
• 11:02
  It just means that you're in a relationship.
• 11:04
  And sometimes two people in relationship, they see things differently and that's okay.
• 11:09
  We do not always have to agree on everything.
• 11:11
  And yeah, some things like disagreeing on personal values, that might be a sign of incompatibility, but that's vastly different than disagreeing on how to discipline the kids or whose job it is to do the dishes that night, or what to watch on tv.
• 11:24
  If you were somebody who struggles to know if you're facing a conflict or if it's just a disagreement, if you aren't sure if what you're facing is a deal breaker or not, I actually have an$11'should I stay or should I go" journal That is there to help you.
• 11:36
  So check out the link in the show notes if that interests you.
• 11:38
  But remember that most of the time having a conversation with different views is actually a sign that people feel safe being real with you.
• 11:44
  And more often than not, the only thing that's wrong in the moment is that you might be struggling with managing your own emotions, which again is something that coaching can help with.
• 11:54
  All right.
• 11:54
  Number eight, stop waiting for permission to take up space.
• 11:58
  You don't need to earn rest, joy, or boundaries by being good enough first.
• 12:03
  And let me say that again.
• 12:05
  You do not need to earn rest, joy, or boundaries by being good enough first.
• 12:12
  You don't need anyone's permission to fill up your water bottle or to stretch your calves or to nap.
• 12:17
  Sometimes we think that we need to demonstrate how hard we're working or how much we've done before giving ourselves permission to fill our own needs or to speak up or to take up space.
• 12:26
  But you don't need permission.
• 12:28
  You get to say where it is that you would prefer to go for dinner, for example.
• 12:32
  You get to inform other people when you need a quick breather and say, Hey, I'll be back in 20 minutes.
• 12:36
  You get to decide that.
• 12:37
  You get to make requests for what would feel good to your body and your nervous system when you're not feeling well, and you get to make requests for what would feel good to your body and your nervous system when you are feeling well.
• 12:48
  So stop waiting for permission to take up space.
• 12:53
  Number nine, stop abandoning yourself to avoid disappointing others.
• 12:57
  The relationship you neglect the most when people pleasing is the one with yourself.
• 13:01
  In other words, people pleasing is a form of self abandonment.
• 13:06
  It is saying that other people's wants, wishes and desires are more important than your own.
• 13:11
  And when you have that belief, it's really easy to mute yourself, to make yourself small, to lose yourself.
• 13:16
  In fact, several of my clients have come to me because they don't know who they are anymore.
• 13:20
  They have been so highly accommodating of other people, so concerned with checking all of the boxes on other people's list of ideals, that they don't even know who it is that they are anymore outside of the roles that they fill for other people.
• 13:32
  Stop abandoning yourself just so you can avoid disappointing others.
• 13:36
  Sure, they might be disappointed if you tell'em you're unavailable, but odds are that disappointment is going to be a part of the equation.
• 13:44
  Either they will be disappointed because you said no, or you will be disappointed with yourself because you said yes when you wanted to say no.
• 13:52
  So you aren't actually avoiding disappointment at all.
• 13:55
  You're actually just saying, I volunteer as tribute when there's an option on the table for who's gonna be disappointed in relationship.
• 14:02
  But when you are always the one volunteering for that emotion, it's not going to serve you or the relationship.
• 14:08
  All right, number 10, stop believing that healing has to be hard, painful, or lonely.
• 14:14
  Growth can be supportive, gentle and deeply regulated, especially when you have somebody along for your journey that really resonates with you.
• 14:22
  I was recently attending a mastermind where the coach that was hosting the event got a little bit heated while giving some tough love advice.
• 14:29
  And while tough love and harshness may work for some people, I know it doesn't work for me and I know it doesn't work for my audience.
• 14:36
  It actually really confirmed to me just sitting in that room that, okay, I'm right where I need to be coaching wise.
• 14:42
  I need to be working with my highly sensitive people and I know that they need somebody who is highly sensitive as well.
• 14:47
  Healing and growth can be gentle.
• 14:49
  It can be kind, encouraging, supportive, And this soft love approach, it can actually help you to create more progress than you actually think.
• 14:56
  You do not have to beat yourself up in order to make changes.
• 14:59
  You can make changes through self-love and self-compassion, and I can show you how.
• 15:04
  Now, if as you have been listening, if you started to recognize that, wow, those four things, they really resonated, and I would like some support, then reach out, take one active step today towards creating change.
• 15:15
  So maybe that's actually subscribing here to the podcast.
• 15:18
  Maybe it's purchasing my, should I stay or should I go journal?
• 15:21
  Or maybe it's committing to working with me for 12 weeks to create lasting change through love and self-compassion.
• 15:27
  Yes, there is so much that you can do on your own.
• 15:30
  And also having an expert beside you that can help you to see what's getting in your way, help you to remove those obstacles and also remind you when you've started kind of settling back into old habits that, oh, remember, I know that you're really well practiced in that way of showing up, but that didn't create what you wanted to create, and now we're showing up this way.
• 15:48
  Now you have the tools that you need in order to create what it is that you really, truly want.
• 15:53
  Yes, you're well practiced in that old way of being, but this way is more supportive for the version of you that you want to become, so if you are ready for more customized support, email me at maryann@maryannwalker.life, click the link in the show notes.
• 16:05
  You can even find me on social media, but drop me a note and let me know that you're interested in working together.
• 16:10
  We can jump on a free clarity call.
• 16:12
  This is a 30 minute call to see if we might be a good fit for each other.
• 16:15
  I know I'm not a good fit for everybody and everybody's not a good fit for me, like I said, with the tough love, soft love thing.
• 16:20
  So if you'd like to jump on a free clarity call, I can totally set that up for you.
• 16:24
  I would love to chat with you and see how coaching might support you on your journey.
• 16:27
  All right, well, I hope you have a great week and let's talk soon.
• 16:30
  And also make sure you're subscribed so you can be here next week where I share 10 things to start doing in 2026.
• 16:36
  I'll see you there.