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Is My Ex Gone For Good? · The Art of Love With Lucia

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  Today I'm going to answer a question so many people have
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  after a breakup and that is, is my ex gone for good or is there
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  a chance they'll come back? So whether you're hoping for a
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  reunion or just trying to move on, this video or podcast is for
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  you. So stay tuned.
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  Hi, this is Lucia with the Art of Love.
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  I'm a dating and relationship expert specializing in helping
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  you get your ex back or to get over your ex.
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  Welcome back my beautiful no contact Army.
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  Have you been a good little soldier and stayed in no
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  contact? Well, if you were a bad little
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  soldier, you can download my app Silencio and it will help you
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  stay in no contact. And the link to that is
• 0:52
  underneath every single video and podcast.
• 0:55
  And if you too want to join our no contact army, all you have to
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  do is hit the subscribe button and the bell notification and
• 1:04
  you're in. And to read our manual, go to
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  nocontactsecrets.com where you can read 2 free chapters before
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  you purchase the book. OK, so let's talk about why this
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  question even pops into our heads.
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  Breakups leave us with uncertainty.
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  Our brains crave closure, so if things ended abruptly or
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  feelings were still strong, which they usually are, then
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  it's natural to wonder since there's unfinished business.
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  Plus, nostalgia can trick us into remembering only the good
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  times and making us second guess if the breakup was the right
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  call and we should actually be happy that it ended.
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  Years ago I found out that the guy I'd been in a long term
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  relationship with was cheating. And you know, we're both
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  Sagittarians and Sagittarians are known for their honesty.
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  So I said to him, are you cheating?
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  And he said yes, well thank you, thanks for your honesty.
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  It's like, hey, you might be a cheater, but you're not a liar.
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  But anyways, it was not a good relationship.
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  So I should have been happy, right?
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  I should have been celebrating. Like, yes, it's over, it's over.
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  But no, I wanted him back. And I've told the story before
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  of where I had to go to Vegas shortly after that.
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  And I went to one of those wonderful Vegas buffets, which
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  you can't really find anymore. And out of all that wonderful
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  food I could have eaten, all I had on my plate were crab legs.
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  OK, so that's why I say emotions don't have an IQ.
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  Feelings are not logical. Because if they were, I would
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  have been like, yes, I'm going to celebrate.
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  I'm going to eat everything in this buffet.
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  But no, all I had were two little crab legs.
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  So here's the thing. Not all exes come back, and not
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  all of them should. So how do you know which
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  category yours falls into? So let me start with the bad
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  news. Let's talk about the signs that
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  your ex has truly moved on #1 they've completely cut contacts,
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  so they've blocked you everywhere, and there's no
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  responses to messages if you've reached out for whatever reason.
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  Because if they wanted to reconnect, they would leave at
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  least one line of communication open.
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  Obviously they can't block you on e-mail, but other than that
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  everything else is closed. 2. They're dating someone else
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  seriously. So if they're in a new
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  relationship and they seem happy or they're in a committed long
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  term relationship, then they're likely not coming back.
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  Now of course there is an exception.
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  First of all, if it's a rebound, then you have a much better
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  chance of getting them back. That's why I said if they seem
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  happy or it's a committed long term relationship.
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  But one of my clients, he was broken up with and his ex
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  quickly married someone else. And I mean, within a month, OK.
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  So of course it didn't work out and he heard from her within a
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  few months. So exceptions like that, yeah.
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  But how, how often does that happen, right?
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  Hopefully not too. Not too often #3 they've told
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  you it's over for good. So clear statements like we're
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  never getting back together or I don't love you anymore.
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  Probably not going to come back. However, again, an exception
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  because people say all kinds of things after a breakup.
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  A lot of times, out of anger or hurt or frustration, they say
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  it's over, I never want to see you again.
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  We're never getting back together.
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  And then you get back together. So there's still hope.
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  Sometimes #4 they've moved away or they've made big life
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  changes, so they have a new job in another city or another
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  country. They've deleted old photos or
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  removed traces of your relationship.
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  Then yeah, chances are not looking good #5 the relationship
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  was toxic. So if it was an on again, off
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  again relationship, or trust was broken or resentment built up,
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  then the chances are slim that they'll return.
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  So those are some of the reasons.
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  Not all, but some. So now that I've told you the
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  reasons why they won't return and you're totally depressed,
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  let me give you the reasons why your ex might still have
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  feelings and could return one. They keep in touch.
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  So random texts, checking in, liking your posts, that means
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  that they still care on some level.
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  It doesn't mean that you have to respond, and in fact, you
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  shouldn't respond because you're supposed to be in no contact and
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  not respond to bread crumbs. But yeah, if they're still
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  hanging around somehow, then there's still some interest
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  there, but it still could be guilt or nostalgia. 2 They get
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  jealous or ask about your dating life.
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  So if they react when you're when you mention someone new,
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  they might still have feelings for you.
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  But again, this is only if somehow you're in contact.
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  So if you have kids together, if you work together, go to school
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  together, whatever, you talk to them.
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  Otherwise, you're not supposed to be talking to them #3 the
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  breakup was emotional, not logical, so it was a heat of the
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  moment fight versus a calm, well thought out breakup.
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  So emotional breakups have a much higher chance of
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  reconciliation. You'll hear from them usually
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  within a few weeks or even a few days, and that's a good sign.
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  If they broke up with you out of the blue, they got upset during
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  a fight. Like that's it, it's over, we're
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  done. And then they think about it and
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  they're like oops, what did I do?
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  And then they come back #4 they haven't fully let go.
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  So they still have your stuff. They're bringing up memories.
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  They're saying things like, well, maybe in the future that's
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  a good sign. They mention missing you.
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  In fact, one of my clients just last night got a text from the
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  ex saying miss you. Or even casual comments like I
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  miss your laugh. So that hits hints at lingering
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  feelings still being there. The next one is that they're
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  single and they're not moving on.
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  So if they're avoiding your relationships, they could still
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  be processing the breakup, which is a great sign for you.
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  And then finally, the last one, the breakup was circumstantial.
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  So distance, timing or external pressures like family or work
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  sometimes change and that makes getting back together possible.
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  Or if you were married and they broke up with you because they
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  thought that you were never going to leave your husband or
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  leave your wife, and now you have you've moved out or you've
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  filed for divorce, then you do have a chance to get them back.
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  And I mention this because, hey, some of my clients have been
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  married, what can I say? But, and this is key, don't read
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  into bread crumbs. If they're not, if they're not
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  making a real effort to reconnect, then it's just
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  comfort and nostalgia, not love. So what should you do?
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  Well, unless you cheated or took your ex for granted, which means
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  that they didn't feel like they were a priority, they didn't
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  feel important, then you have to stay in no contact until they
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  say something significant. You're not interested in bread
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  crumbs, you want the whole loaf at the end of the day.
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  Only time will tell if your ex comes back, but your focus in
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  the meantime should always be on you, not waiting around for
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  someone who may or may not return.
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  So now I want to hear from you. Which of these signs have you
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  heard, heard, or seen from your ex?
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  And if you want my help to determine what your chances are
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  of getting your ex back, you can contact me for coaching at The
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  Art of love.net/coaching and we will send you the rates.
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  And the direct link to that is underneath every single video
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  and podcast. If you found this video helpful,
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  then please like, subscribe and share.
• 10:01
  If you're listening to this as a podcast and you want to help the
• 10:05
  show, then just download this episode.
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  And finally, remember, love inspires, empowers, uplifts and
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  enlightens.