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Mind vs. Heart: Which Version of Your Spouse Are You Married To? · Doing Marriage Well

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  Doing Marriage Well for June 15, 2026 Mind vs. Heart The Two Ways We See Our
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  Spouse How do you see your spouse?
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  I'm not talking about the outside, the wrapping paper.
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  I'm talking about how you perceive who they are and how they are.
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  What makes this tricky is we perceive our spouse in two ways.
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  There's how we see them in our minds and how we see them in our hearts.
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  When I ask you how you saw them, what you thought was probably mostly about
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  how you see them in your mind.
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  That version is based on fact and logic It's about what they do and say How
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  you see them in your heart is based on feelings And can be significantly influenced
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  by bad things from your past,
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  Your heart's version of your spouse is often shaped less by reality And far
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  more by how your opposite sex parent behaved Or how early romantic interests
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  treated you These two competing views can create a real Dr.
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  Jekyll and Mr. Hyde dynamic In how we respond to our spouse Jekyll knows your
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  spouse forgot to buy milk because they had a long day.
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  Hyde tells you they forgot because they don't value your time.
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  When we're feeling good, we run off the Dr. Jekyll version of how we see our spouse.
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  We see them as they are, both good and bad. We see them as good-willed,
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  and we see the ways that they give and sacrifice for us.
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  When we are frustrated, stressed, or upset, Mr. Hyde comes out and gives us
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  the ugly version of our spouse.
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  We become overly focused on flaws and failures and lack grace and compassion.
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  Things we have forgiven as Jekyll are not forgiven when Hyde is in control.
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  Hyde tells you lies, making accusations about your spouse that you would reject when feeling right.
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  Can you see the two views you have of your spouse? Can you think of times when Hyde was driving you?
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  The solution is to try to get your heart to see what your mind sees.
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  This will probably require dealing with the things in your past that drive the Hyde version.
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  This is Paul, and Hyde will never do marriage well.