Latest / hol+ with Dr. Taz MD | The Future of Medicine is Holistic / Raising Kids in Today’s World: Real Talk with Katherine Schwarzenegger Pratt
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- Raising Kids in Today’s World: Real Talk with Katherine Schwarzenegger Pratt === Katherine: Finding a way to find my own calm and that has a ripple effect on being beneficial for my whole family. Whether it's for my kids, for my husband, for me as a very pregnant woman right now, like I think that prioritizing my calm energy and my ability to be in a place of as much calm as possible to co regulate with my kids for whatever is thrown at me throughout the day. Katherine: It's a temper tantrum. If it's a meltdown, if it's a, you know, we're running late for something, if it's something doesn't go the way that we want it to, I feel that I'm much better equipped and prepared to flow with those things. Yeah. No. Dr. Taz: A part of my mission with this show whole plus. is to really stress the importance of a healthy family unit and how when one person in a family is off, the entire family actually gets thrown off. Dr. Taz: You can't have a whole family. Well, Katherine Schwarzenegger and I have had many discussions around this concept of whole families and believe it or not, She's actually my next guest. Please join me in welcoming Katherine Schwarzenegger Pratt, a New York Times bestselling author and animal advocate and a devoted wife and mother. Dr. Taz: As an ambassador for Best Friends Animal Society and the ASPCA, she passionately raises awareness. For animal rescue. She's also a global ambassador for special Olympics and empowering others through her writing. In 2021, she launched BDA baby, a popular Instagram live series, discussing pregnancy and wellness now available in YouTube and podcasts. Dr. Taz: Her second children's book, goodnight sister released in February, 2023. bond between sisters. Catherine resides in LA with her family and she is here today on whole plus. Welcome Catherine. Thank you so much for being on this show. I'm so excited to talk to you about all these things, but let's just jump right into it. Dr. Taz: So Catherine, I was actually scrolling this weekend. And my eye caught is so ironic that we're doing this today, but my eye caught a little clip of something that I've really, really believed in. And it was talking about the fact that grandmothers influence their granddaughters and grandsons so greatly to the point that their DNA is often imprinted upon them and influencing them. Dr. Taz: Far into their adult years and beyond. And back in, I think, 2017, 2018, I actually did a Ted talk talking about the fact that the maternal line of inheritance is so important. In fact, the mitochondrial DNA transfers grandmother to, to mom, to grandchild. Intact often without being, you know, messed with very much. Dr. Taz: So the thoughts and feelings and the emotions of our grandmothers and great grandmothers were often carrying with us. And ironically, we are talking today about the grandmother project. So universe is something. So I want to know more about why you started this. What was your, you know, motivation or incentive, uh, you know, to start this type of project and sort of what's come of it as you've dug in. Katherine: Um, well, the grandmother project was something that we did in honor of Mother's Day. So my mom and I did it, um, together and it was really interesting and fun. And we basically just wanted to do it to dive into. To all of the dynamics of grandmotherhood and motherhood together. And, you know, my mom and I are both in these new chapters of life where I'm a mom, um, I'm four years into being a mom and she's four years into being a grandmother and. Katherine: Uh, and so we're both kind of in these new spaces that we're navigating and, uh, and experiencing together and it's been such an amazing experience and also learning from so many other people's dynamics of like what to do and what not to do, Katherine (2): uh, Katherine: within the grandmother and mother dynamic and also the in laws and just like so many different people. Katherine: Ways to, you know, experience motherhood and grandmotherhood. And, um, so it was a really interesting experience to be able to interview so many mothers and daughters and also, um, mothers with mother in laws and just to talk about the varying dynamics in, uh, families and in households. And of course, how that impacts raising our children and especially now how people are. Katherine: Leaning on their grandparents, their kids, grandparents, so much for childcare because everything is so expensive and, um, so we, we had a great time doing it. My mom and I are super close, so it was really fun for us to be able to do together and also to just learn from so many different dynamics and, uh, be able to, to walk away and talk about that was really great. Dr. Taz: Is there something that you guys came away from? Like we had my, my husband's mom lived with us, you know, once for about 10 years or so until her death. And, um, it was really special. The bond that she had with my children. That's not something that I have. Like my grandparents were in another country. I never really had that sort of bond or relationship with them, but. Dr. Taz: You know, is there something I'm curious that came out as a universal truth? Like, you know, what, what is the role of the grandmother? You know, where, where is that a value when we think of parenting in general, which we're going to talk about parenting in just a minute, but, but that's the whole sticky situation in today's culture, you know, period in terms of navigating all, all the things that come with parenting, what is the grandmother's modern day role? Katherine: I mean, I think it changes really for every single family and every dynamic because everybody has such a different and unique setup. Some people have their grandparents live with them. Uh, their kids, grandparents live with them. Other people, you know, have them in different countries. I grew up with my grandma coming to visit us quite a lot, but. Katherine: For us going to visit her as well, but she lived across the country. So I didn't see her as much. And the idea that both of my girls are growing up with their grandparents being five minutes away from them and seeing them, you know, multiple times a week, being able to have special days with them, being able to have dinners and lunches and, you know, have them come to different activities with them is. Katherine: Such a huge gift. And it's not one that I take for granted at all, because it's something that I, I know how lucky I am to be able to have that. And also just that support. So if I'm, you know, unable to pick up my daughter from school, my mom picks her up. Yeah, it's definitely. An incredible blessing to be able to have the close proximity to my mom and to my dad Um and just to be able to have their involvement in my kids lives is such a huge game changer I think also, you know, we talk a lot about just the Time that kids spend with their grandparents and being able to learn from those experiences and the stories that they hear from their grandparents is something that you can't get anywhere else. Katherine: You can't get that in school. You can't get that, you know, in any classes. So that you can't get that. Relationship and that bond and those lessons and, um, and experiences that my kids have had and will continue to be able to have with their grandparents is such a huge gift. So, I mean, I think that it, the kind of universal takeaway is really what a gift that is. Katherine: And also the fact that this generation of parenting is really going back to. Really leaning on grandparents as caretakers and people to be heavily involved in their kids lives. I think there was, you know, a period of time where people didn't necessarily do that. And we're going back to that kind of how we were originally designed to live, people living together in close proximity. Katherine: Um, and, uh, that's how it was like human beings were meant to live and also to, uh, expand families in that way. So. It's, it's a huge gift to be able to do that. Dr. Taz: I think that's so true. I think that it's been a little bit, I want to say almost a failed experiment of the nuclear isolated family. And there's been so much stress and disease and illness associated with trying to sustain that, you know, what, you know, as you talk to your friends and young women who are starting families and things like that, I know what I see in the exam room, but like, what is, what is their experience of parenting like today? Dr. Taz: You know, do people feel like it is, yeah. Less stressful maybe than what people went through a decade ago or two decades ago, or, you know, our young parents today just really struggling in terms of trying to keep, you know, keeping all the balls in the air. Katherine: I mean, I would say that I feel like our, like my generation of parents seem to be much more anxious and stressed out. Katherine: And I think my, my mom and the other. Grandparents that are around our kids say the same thing like they're like, you guys are so, you know, like you have so much to worry about. You have so much to think about. It's, you know, there are amazing things that come from raising kids in this day and age. And there are also, uh, the other side of it is being like a nation. Katherine: Information overload and, um, just too much to think about too much to worry about, um, too much to be aware of, which you know, is comes with like a blessing and a curse with social media. So I, I think that, uh, if I had to like group in the overall feeling of how people are feeling that are raising kids right now, I feel like they feel like they're anxious and also, um, You know, like the nervous systems are not necessarily in a great place. Katherine: Um, and I really felt that honestly, this summer in myself, like I felt like I was at a point where I, you know, over the summer was whatever, seven months pregnant. And I was like, I have, you know, uh, I had a three and a half year olds and a two year olds over the summer and and pregnant. And so I felt like I was kind of on this edge of, you know, being anxious all the time and it wasn't benefiting my nervous system or the nervous system that I was able to have to co regulate with my kids. Katherine: And so I started, um, Implementing meditation into my routine every single morning, and I have noticed such a dramatic difference in myself and also how I interact with my kids and just like how I parent, um, that I really, it's been so incredible and life changing for me to be able to have more calm. In my life and um, i've noticed it just impact my parenting and my relationships with everyone And especially my relationships with my kids um, and just like the Ability that I have to kind of like flow much easier. Katherine: So that's been something that's really helpful for me, but I think prior to that the kind of on edge or um Nervous system being frantic was definitely something I I felt Dr. Taz: Well, that frantic nervous system, you know, one of the things they talk about in Chinese medicine is that the health of the mom and the child go together. Dr. Taz: They're linked up. You can't separate the two. And what we're seeing in research now is that children's mental health and their stress is impacted by stress in the family. And then the stress that the mother perceives is such an important piece of the puzzle. So, you know, finding opportunities to. Tone your cortisol levels down or calm your nervous system down is so important in this whole game of parenting. Dr. Taz: You talked about meditation. You know, what are three ways you think that young moms, new moms, you know, no matter what age or stage they're entering parenting. And I remember those early years, they're super stressful. You're adjusting to being a new mom. You're running 15 months apart and I started the practice at the same time, you know, it was complete chaos, you know? Dr. Taz: So. You know, as I look back, I'm like, why, you know, why did we sign up for all of that at one time? You know, so there was a little bit of like, maybe we should have been a little bit more methodical about it, space things out a little bit better, but things happen as they happen. You know, what would you. Dr. Taz: Tell a mom listening today, who's feeling that, who's just feeling like there's too much on their plate. They can't catch a breath. They don't have time to feed themselves. You know, they, they're not sleeping, you know, where should they start in this game of parenting to really start to center and bring that sense of calm to the family. Katherine: I mean, I'm definitely not an expert in that. Uh, I would say that, um, what's worked for me is finding a way to. Find my own calm and that it has a ripple effect on being beneficial for my whole family whether it's for my kids for my husband for um me as a very pregnant woman right now, like I um, I think that making that a priority for me and Having that be a priority in my daily practice is has been Hugely beneficial for me. Katherine: I learned a lot about the importance of being calm and regulating our nervous system because our kids co regulate from us and with us. Yeah. Um, so when I learned about that. It sounds like it's so simple and straightforward, but when I really learned about the benefits of that and having the parent be in a, you know, as calm as possible place to co regulate with their kids that the benefits of that are. Katherine: Incredible. And, um, and really finding whatever that looks like for you. If it's meditation, if it's, you know, um, going on a walk, if it's exercising, whatever that looks like as being a helpful thing to implement into your daily routine and, you know, it's definitely not. Easy to do like I wake up now at five in the morning just to make sure that I can get my meditation in in the morning before my kids wake up and that I have that as a way to start my day before I have coffee before I look at my phone like I it's. Katherine: You know, I I wake up early to make sure that that's something that happens in my day Um, but I think that everybody has to do what works for them for me I've definitely noticed that prioritizing my calm energy and my ability to be in a place of Of as much calm as possible to co regulate with my kids for whatever is thrown at me throughout the day. Katherine: If it's the temper tantrum, if it's a meltdown, if it's a, uh, you know, we're running late for something. If it's something doesn't go the way that we wanted it to, I feel that I'm much better equipped and prepared to flow with those things. Yeah, no. Dr. Taz: I love that, that word, actually, I love that word and that idea of co regulation that we're sort of co regulating with their, with our children, you know, in any given moment, because they really are reading our energy. Dr. Taz: And, you know, my daughter is such a feeler and so sensitive, like before I say a word, she kind of knows what's. Going on with me and she'll react to that. And then I'm reacting to whatever she's reacting to. So, so anyhow, it's just so interesting to establish that cadence. You know, one of the things too, and I've often said this is that in the journey of being a new mom and raising children and starting this family. Dr. Taz: The dads get depressed, you know, I don't know if you've seen that in your conversations with your guests or, you know, amongst your friends and things like that, but the dads sometimes will feel like they're on the outside of it. And then they're sort of dealing with this new person, this mom who is, you know, sometimes struggling with all the responsibilities on her plate, you know, how, how do we help our partners? Dr. Taz: You know, in this journey of parenting and how do we do things like keep the actual relationship with our partners and kind of the romance alive as we are, you know, again, kind of, you know, really feeling like we're stretched and being pulled in multiple different directions. Katherine: I feel like that's something I'm definitely still learning. Katherine: I think I, I grew up with, um, my parents definitely having their own individual roles with. Parenting and how um, and what they were kind of in charge of with us kids. I would say that with Uh, chris and I we have From the very beginning, open communication and dialogue has been like the foundation in, in addition to, um, other things, but it's been a huge priority for us to just be open with one another and communicate with one another and be able to check in. Katherine: Um, we're very honest with each other. So if. If I seem like I'm frazzled or stressed out or like maxed out, he'll say, he'll say to me like, Hey, what can I do to help here? What can I do? And I'm always, you know, I am the oldest in my family, so I'm very much like I have to do it all myself. Yeah. Nobody can help me. Katherine: No one can help. Yeah. No one can help me. Um, and I really learned, you know, Through being a mom and also being in a relationship, like the one that I'm in that it's okay to ask for help. It's okay. You have to be clear about that. That's really, really helpful for relationships is to say like, Hey, this is, this is what you can help with. Katherine: And this is what I can help with. And, um, being open about that dialogue, not assuming people can read your mind. That was another big thing for me is like, I would assume like, You know exactly what I need here and it's like, no, they, you know, no, he doesn't or no, uh, in a relationship they don't know what. Katherine: What necessarily to do so being able to have open communication and say like This is a space that you can really help me in as a parent this is a space as a partner you can really help me in or um, you know here is a variety of different ways that I Need more support and I need more help in this space. Katherine: So I I think that for me being able to be comfortable asking for help comfortable being open um And just knowing that like, you know when I look at Chris and I, at the end of the day, we're on the same team. Like we both want to raise well rounded good human beings as children that are healthy and happy, and that's both of our goal. Katherine: And so being in a place where we're butting heads is not helpful for anybody. And we both have the same goal every single day and the same intention, and we have the same values. And so remembering that, even when you are. Maxed out on your nervous system or you feel like overwhelmed and parenting, which happens a lot, just keeping that in mind, like we're on the same team where, you know, check in with each other, make an effort to make that time. Katherine: Um, and it doesn't have to look like a date night. Like, I would love to say that every single week we make sure we go on a date night. I. You know, and I know date nights are really important, but they just don't happen every week because life happens. So finding other ways to connect and to stay connected is really important. Katherine: If that's going on a walk, a hike, if it's, you know, putting your phones away after you get the kids to sleep and just like sitting and connecting with one another and talking, that's another great thing to do. So like, there's a variety of different ways that. That, you know, if you can't make date night happen to connect that you can make other ways. Katherine: Very Dr. Taz: much. You know, I remember my husband asked me a question. He was like, why are women always on their phones at every traffic light? And I'm like, because they're overburdened, you know, they have so much to do and usually so many different logistics to plan for different members of the family. So usually they're just trying to get one more thing done and off. Dr. Taz: Their list. And I think one of the things that I noticed with myself and even with many of my patients is that they were losing the connection to their partners because they were so busy getting their to do lists done. And it's taken me a little bit of maturity and understanding, like it's okay, put the phones away. Dr. Taz: There should be at least 15 to 20 minutes daily, if not more where you're. Looking at each other, speaking to each other, you're not scrolling, you know, and sometimes that's worth way more than a date night at a restaurant, you know, that takes a lot of planning and logistics and all that other stuff, especially with, you know, younger children. Dr. Taz: So I think that's such a thing. And then the whole thing of, I got this, I can do it myself. So many women fall into that. Why, why is that? Like, I'm not going to hire help. I'm not going to ask for help, you know, so yeah, I mean, I, Katherine: I honestly feel like it's just being the oldest for me. Like, I feel like I always like, I always pride myself and I'm like, I got this. Katherine: I can do it. I can do like, I'm going to do this myself. I'm going to do and my sister, actually, my sister is a year and a half younger than me. And I remember when I was, I think I was my last pregnancy. I was carrying, I was very pregnant with Eloise and I was carrying Lila and the diaper bag and my purse and like this other bag. Katherine: And she's like, let me help you. And I was like, no, no, no, it's fine. I got it. And she was like, Catherine, you don't, you don't need to prove anything to me. Like, I know you're strong. I know you're capable. Let me help you carry this stuff to your car. And I was like, fine. Like I, but it's like, you know. Until you have someone who can, you know, give it to you straight and just be like, there's nothing you, you don't need to do this. Katherine: Like I can, I can help you. It's okay. You're still just as strong and capable as you were before you let me help you. Like, you know, it's a, it's a different mentality and mindset, but it's definitely, you know, It's true. Dr. Taz: Definitely important. And if it's your blind spot, remember like to kind of, to see past it, because I think so many people get into trouble. Dr. Taz: So many new moms get into trouble with that. You know, you are what? Eight months. How, how pregnant are you right Katherine: now? Oh, no, right now I'm, you know, I am like, I could go into labor while I'm on this call with you right now. Dr. Taz: Well, thank you so much for being here. Katherine: This is your third, right? Third baby? Yeah, this is my third baby and I don't know, um, I don't know what I'm having and it's really exciting. It's like a surprise that I feel like nobody Who knows me, everybody who knows me knows that I like to plan and then like know every as much information as possible. Katherine: So the fact that I don't know if I'm having a boy or girl stresses everyone out around me. Um, but I feel very like, you know, excited and good about it. So I think, um, yeah, I'm like, you know, I'm full term ready to have a baby and. Embracing the, the time of what that will bring and also understanding that like the newborn days are a little crazy and I have two, I have two, uh, toddlers that I'm also like, you know, they're going to go through their own adjustment period. Katherine: And, you know, everybody's going to go through a new, uh, a moment of trying to find their groove and being. Aware of that and comfortable with it as comfortable as I can be with it. And, um, also always remembering that, like, I'm, my siblings are my best friends and I'm the oldest of four. And we have a similar age spacing in my family as, um, as our kids are. Katherine: And so I always try to remember, like, anytime I think. My God, my, you know, my two oldest are going to feel like I'm neglecting them or I'm like, you know, I'm like, I never felt that with my mom. Like I never felt, I never felt, and my mom is, you know, the best mom in the entire world and just does everything. Katherine: She's like insane, but. I try to remember that a lot. Cause it's always like, I think parents go back and forth with like, this is really exciting. And then also feeling like, Oh my gosh, I'm not going to be able to give my kids the same attention. Yeah. Um, but yeah, so I'm excited. We'll see. I'm Dr. Taz: excited for you. Dr. Taz: Is there something I've got to ask? Is there something you did this pregnancy to prepare for the postpartum period or during the pregnancy that was different from the other ones or not necessarily? Katherine: You know, my first Uh, my first pregnancy and postpartum was like in the thick of covid. So I literally did nothing like I Um, I stayed home. Katherine: I was on myself. I was isolated I definitely experienced a lot of like postpartum anxiety my first, uh after my first daughter Lila was born and it was like anxiety about you know, getting sick about You know making sure that I didn't do anything to um You know risk my health or her health. I was by myself a lot So I felt very lonely and isolated in that space because even though my family was 10 minutes away from me You couldn't see anybody until they were tested or in a quarantine. Katherine: So it was a very challenging postpartum, um my second I would say Was much, it was still in COVID times, but it was, you had the ability to like know a little bit more about, um, how to keep each other safe. And I really leaned on my family in that time. And that was amazing. I also introduced a lot of the kind of, um, Ayurvedic, uh, philosophies about healing postpartum, um, with my second, uh, after Eloise was born and that to me, Was like dramatically impactful with my hormones and my healing process and I, I really like for me this time as, uh, doing it a third time, I fully intend on doing the same, you know, warming foods and nourishing foods and I breastfed both my girls for 15 months and I really, for me, it was like about healing myself from the inside out and being, you know, um, Very present with my newborn, but also understanding that your body just spent 40 weeks growing a human and also an entire organ. Katherine: And then you, you know, have both of those leave your body and that that takes time to, you know, to heal and recover from and feeding your body and nourishing your body and taking care of your body. Is is an amazing way to do that. And obviously you don't get enough sleep. You don't get, you know, you don't drink enough water, you don't eat enough food, but doing it where you can and setting yourself up in advance was helpful for me last time. Katherine: And I've tried to do that as much as I can this time. Um, and then there's parts of it that I'm just like, I don't even know because I've never had two kids that are in a bunch of activities and also have a newborn. So I'm kind of that part of it. I'm unknown about, but I would say that. I'm setting myself up this time to. Katherine: Have my girls fully, you know, um, entertained and occupied by my mom and sister as much as possible. And then, um, also have myself set up and, uh, cared for as much as possible. Going into it as I can. Dr. Taz: I love that. You mentioned that, you know, that I am a champion of bringing these Eastern sort of practices, whether it's Ayurveda or Chinese medicine into the healing picture, because I think we don't honor, you know, a lot of what needs to happen when we're raising children. Dr. Taz: Bearing children, all of the above. And so both systems of medicine, every Eastern system of medicine I've ever looked at talks about that six weeks or those 40 days of really needing to heal, nourish your gut, nourish your liver, you know, get in the, as many nutrients and vitamins and be supported by all the people around you and asked for that support. Dr. Taz: So I'm so glad that you are on that path. That is my passion and my mission. So, and I'm wishing you so much luck. I know, I know, um, we're, we're short on time today, but I can't wait to hear how everything goes and to even see your little one. I'm so excited for you and definitely want to be supportive of your journey as well. Dr. Taz: But before you leave us, I have to ask you this question. What makes you whole? Katherine: My family. For sure. I love that. Yeah, definitely. Family is like everything for me. Um, and it's like the number one most important thing for me every day, always, no matter what family, family, family. Dr. Taz: I love that. I am aligned with you that way. Dr. Taz: I think it's, it's really what brings our meeting into existence very much. So good luck and lots of love and kisses and hugs and all of those things. I can't wait to see how it all turns out. And of course we'll stay in touch, but thank you so much for taking some time today. To join me and share your wisdom and your experience with so many people who really, truly are struggling right now and just need to hear how it's done and how many of us are tackling parenting relationships, raising children in today's society, and really leaning into that concept and idea of family as being the grounding force that helps us get through all of it. Dr. Taz: So thank you so much. Katherine: Thank you so much. And I'll make sure to check in postpartum. We'll see how it's all going. Yes, Dr. Taz: please do. I'm, I am here for you. Please do. For sure. All right. Take care. Katherine (2): Bye. Dr. Taz: Thank you so much for listening and watching today's episode of Whole Plus. Be sure to share this episode with your friends and family. Dr. Taz: And if you haven't already, please take a moment to subscribe to this podcast on YouTube or click the follow button on Apple, Spotify, or wherever it is that you get your podcasts. And don't forget to follow me on all social channels at DrTazMD. Until next time, stay healthy and stay whole.