Latest / Cage Match: A Roundabout Way of Meeting Nicolas Cage / Astroboy

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Astroboy · Cage Match: A Roundabout Way of Meeting Nicolas Cage

0:01
Oh, God. Just get it so soggy that the stuffing
0:24
just falls out. Yeah, gross. That's how I like
0:28
my blowjobs. Just so soggy. Soggy and gummy.
0:32
Oh, God, the stuffing. That's what I call it.
0:36
I call it the stuffing. Oh, this has been Cage
0:41
Match, folks. Time of death, 8 .03, 12 .16. Yeah.
0:48
Well, this comes out on Christmas. So Merry Christmas,
0:51
everybody. It's a white Christmas after all.
0:55
A very white Christmas. I hope you enjoy stuffing.
0:59
Oh, God. Merry Christmas, Bill, as I assume you'll
1:04
be the only person who listens to this on the
1:05
day. I text my boss that the site was up and
1:11
she was like, oh, yeah, baby, should I test her
1:13
out? I'm like. I mean, you can. It's a website.
1:17
Yeah, just get in there and start fucking clicking
1:19
links. Yeah, baby. I'm going to fucking click
1:21
these links so hard. Oh, man. Oh, contact us.
1:25
I'm about to contact that ass. Range clicking,
1:27
dead linking. Yeah, let's go. You want to do
1:31
an A -B test? I don't know what that means. That
1:34
sounds horny as shit. Yeah, I'm about to lose
1:37
my stuffing. Contact this bitch. Oh, man. So
1:44
kids movies. I went to the roller skating rink
1:49
this weekend, Sean. Then it was goth night at
1:53
the roller skating rink. Did you tell me that
1:55
part already or no? No, I omitted the part that
1:57
it was goth night. Fucking awesome. So it was
2:01
just I mean, it was like Hornback's dream. It
2:04
was just like good looking goth chicks just fucking
2:08
going around in circles like trapped. just how
2:13
he likes them yeah contained forced conversation
2:18
options yeah not all of them were good skaters
2:21
so he was bound to catch at least one or two
2:23
that's true was he there or were you just imagining
2:26
he would love it he was supposed to come hang
2:29
out uh that night um but he like he couldn't
2:33
get away because he had you know uh But so I
2:39
kept him appraised of the situation. I didn't
2:41
take photos because not a creep, but. Yeah, he
2:45
probably would have wanted you to, but good job.
2:47
Yeah. Way to maintain. I like to deny him a little
2:50
something. That's true. Edge him along. Yeah.
2:52
That way when it comes, there's just too much
2:57
stuffing. So much stuffing. Blam! Busting out
3:02
of the seams. This is a kid's episode. Yeah,
3:10
I'll get it all out. I mean, it's not like we
3:13
play it for kids. No, although Cora multiple
3:17
times saw me like looking at screen grabs of
3:21
this movie and she was like, I want to watch
3:23
that. And I was like, I don't think so. No, I
3:26
don't think I could sit through this twice. Please
3:27
don't. Please just forget about this one, Cora.
3:32
Ignore this one. I would watch Frozen again a
3:34
hundred times over watching Astro Boy again.
3:37
Oh, man. I mean, yeah, animations changed a lot
3:41
in 16 years. It's interesting to think, though,
3:45
that like Astro Boy came out in 2009. Another
3:48
movie that we watched of Nick Cage in that was
3:51
animated in 2009. GeForce. Oh, OK. Which like
3:55
also looks like shit, but maybe looks like better
3:58
shit. Yeah, I would take GeForce, I guess. I
4:01
mean, were they both 3D? This was 3D, wasn't
4:03
it? Well, GeForce was like that half and half.
4:05
They had real actors in there as well. Yeah,
4:08
but they just had things like busting out. There's
4:10
a lot of busting. No, like it was 3D, like made
4:13
for a 3D screen, wasn't it? Yeah, I mean, it
4:15
was in that era. Yeah, I'm sure. there was like
4:18
a hamster ball that bounces into the screen or
4:21
whatever the fuck. Fergie just swings out of
4:23
a door. Boom, boom, pow. We just had to slip
4:29
one more into the script, so we got Fergie. It
4:32
was cheaper than the royalties? I don't know.
4:36
Welcome back to Cage Match, colon, roundabout
4:39
way of meeting Nicholas Cage. I'm your host,
4:42
Sean. I'm here with my co -host. Peter. And our
4:46
producer. Nick, I guess. Shit. No, that's a lot
4:50
of work. Yeah. Being you, sometimes I can imagine.
4:56
I mean, that's a lot of head to have to carry
4:59
around. That's a lot of head to fill. I can just
5:01
put my face on part of it. That's the best part
5:04
about being me is all the head. Speaking of giant
5:07
heads, this week we're talking about Astro Boy.
5:10
He does have a big old fucking dome. Big noggin.
5:13
Yeah. Big noggin -y boy. Not a boy. This movie
5:17
is fucked. He was a boy. He was briefly. He briefly
5:26
was a boy. And then he got atomized. Yeah. Yeah.
5:31
And then his dad had a nervous breakdown, made
5:33
robot son and immediately was like, what have
5:36
I done? This is not my son. Send it away. Yeah.
5:40
So like the thing that I immediately thought
5:42
about when I started watching this, I was like,
5:43
one, that's pretty fucked up plot line. which
5:46
is accurate for the TV show, too. But like I
5:49
had forgotten how much this is just Mega Man
5:52
and made me really want like an actual proper
5:55
Mega Man movie. Oh, that would be pretty cool.
5:58
And then I did a little dive into it and there
6:00
was like a homemade home brew. Sure, sure. And
6:06
it looks so fucking bad. It actually has some
6:09
CGI in it. But like the main character playing
6:12
Mega Man is like. I don't know our age and his
6:15
blaster is so shitty looking. I know. Did you
6:18
ever see the brief American nineties Mega Man
6:22
cartoon show? I'm sure I did. I don't really
6:24
remember it very well. It wasn't good. And Mega
6:27
Man was like, all the robots were like super
6:30
jacked. Awesome. You know, America. Well, yeah,
6:34
we're, we're horny for buff boys. Yeah. And Mega
6:38
Man had like his power was if he just touched
6:41
another robot, he absorbed that power. So that's
6:43
how they got around that. So he's Kirby. Kind
6:47
of. It was fun. It had do yourself a favor after
6:50
the record. Go watch the intro because it had
6:53
a banger song as all 90s cartoon shows did. Yeah,
6:58
all right. I'm fairly intrigued by that. So I
7:18
do want to ask two things. One. You can ask.
7:23
Okay. First statement. Stupid boy. Even robot
7:26
boy. Dumbest child we've seen yet in this, in
7:29
any Nicolas Cage project. Has perma shorts, you
7:33
know, on. Doesn't take notice of that. Metal
7:36
feet. Still thinks he's a boy. Isn't only after
7:39
he's flown through the city, dug through a mountain.
7:43
It has to be told he's a robot. He does bust
7:46
straight out of that mountain, too. Yeah, he
7:47
fucking goes hard. And even then, he has to use
7:50
his own X -ray eyes to look into his hands to
7:53
see the robot skeleton to realize he's a robot.
7:56
Yeah. Dumb child. Yeah. I mean, if you woke up
8:01
tomorrow, I just don't know, if you woke up tomorrow
8:05
and, like, you did something just wild, like,
8:08
you fucking... Got up without aches and pains.
8:11
Yeah. Let's start with that. Would you think
8:15
that it was cool or would you immediately suspect
8:18
you were a robot? I would think it was cool,
8:21
but would have questions. Yeah. And when you
8:24
take your morning shit, when it's just motor
8:26
oil, would you think that that would see a morning
8:31
shit would be the most concerning thing because
8:34
I am not regular at all. Oh, man, that's unfortunate.
8:37
There were a lot of like weird aspects about
8:39
being Astro Boy. It's like, why did he breathe
8:42
heavily when he was working hard doing something?
8:44
It's like, shouldn't that not be an issue? Yeah,
8:46
he doesn't really need to breathe. Blinking seems
8:49
unnecessary. Yeah. I mean, maybe for maybe it's
8:54
just that human brain coding. Why did they give
8:58
him eyelids? Because have you ever seen a doll
9:01
like, oh, man, you know, those dolls that like
9:04
when you lift it up and it lifts its eyelids.
9:07
That's fucking creepy. It is creepy as shit.
9:09
Yeah. Well, maybe he just wanted a really creepy
9:11
son. Maybe his son was creepy previously. He
9:15
was kind of a shit. Yeah, it's interesting. So
9:17
for this movie, they tried to like Americanize
9:19
up. toby a little bit oh yeah he liked weapons
9:23
yeah well that's true he did but they like they
9:26
they defeminized his eyelashes and they made
9:29
him less pear -shaped and you know they aged
9:33
him up a little bit they gave him clothes and
9:35
they gave him clothes although he does have his
9:36
like classic astro boy look the trunk when his
9:39
stuffing has busted yeah yeah when he's out there
9:42
busting stuff okay so plot line sean you were
9:46
kind of getting into it dumb kid dad yeah no
9:49
uh dumb kid dies uh brutally brutally massive
9:55
murder atomized there are two there's positive
9:58
and negative energy and never the twain shall
10:00
meet um and the president uh has decided that
10:04
the only way he's gonna win his re -election
10:06
the president of this flying city that has just
10:09
said fuck ground people um has decided the only
10:13
way he's going to win his election is with a
10:14
big, cool war machine that he can just sick on
10:17
sick on the terra firma folk. I did like that
10:20
it was called Peacekeeper or whatever. Yeah,
10:22
but and he wants to give it like the red energy,
10:26
which is uncontrollable. Yeah, it's all bad stuff.
10:30
It's all the spice, no sugar. Toby like sneaks
10:32
in. And yeah, his father, played by Nicolas Cage,
10:36
created the robot, created most robots. And when.
10:41
The experiment inevitably goes wrong. Toby, being
10:45
the asshole kid he is, sneaks in, gets stuck
10:49
behind the explosion -proof glass with the exploding
10:52
robot, and is vaporized. Yeah. But not his mega
10:58
hat. Not his mega hat. I pegged that, too. And
11:03
then his science daddy... feels bad and makes
11:07
himself a new boy and then immediately regrets
11:10
it when the new child has thoughts of its own.
11:14
And then president wants old blue energy back.
11:17
So wants to hunt Toby down. Astro boy. Now, if
11:22
he got the blue energy to energize the peacekeeper,
11:27
it just wouldn't kill people. It was just going
11:30
to use all the positive stuff. Yeah, it really
11:33
would have been a friendly handholding. You save
11:35
people, but. Like Hugbot. Yeah. Nuclear Hugbot.
11:38
Hugatron. Yeah, I don't know what the real goal
11:41
of that would have been because it had guns and
11:43
shit. Yeah. You know, by default, they were peace
11:46
guns, though. I mean, Toby had guns, too. That's
11:50
true. In his butt. Butt guns. I got machine guns
11:53
in my butt. Which is canonical. That's awesome.
11:57
I was really surprised by that. Was his father
12:00
afraid of him being molested? I don't know, man.
12:05
I looked up like what were Astro Boy's signature
12:08
moves and... Butt guns? Because he did that like
12:11
tornado spin at one point. I was like, I wonder
12:12
if that's one of them. And it is not. But butt
12:14
guns, definitely. Interesting. Across the medium.
12:18
The thing I immediately noticed about the animation
12:20
in this movie, one, is bad. Two, they gave everyone
12:26
weirdly human lips. I did not notice that. Oh,
12:30
man. How fucking sorry. How fucking great would
12:33
this be if it was like a Bob Odenkirk movie?
12:37
Everybody was just animated. But then they had
12:40
a weird fucking wet ass mouth. Everything just
12:45
looks like those old Quiznos subs commercials.
12:47
The sponge monkeys. We love the subs. uh but
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yes they did have weirdly really kind of strange
13:01
lips yeah they had rent like they had like smooth
13:04
plasticky like cg skin and then just like weirdly
13:08
overly textured and wet lips and i hated it i
13:11
hated every minute of it i thought it was so
13:14
i don't know i i didn't like how uh like the
13:17
adults were so goofily drawn or animated but
13:22
like the children were all like kind of proportional
13:26
and real ish well and that's the thing that's
13:29
strange because like in the original anime and
13:31
manga they don't really look like these caricatures
13:35
oh i'm sure i mean like this is just the best
13:37
anime i guess but why wouldn't you have tried
13:39
a little harder i mean oh man you could have
13:43
done a little more style it's early 3d you could
13:45
have just over exaggerated shit yeah I mean,
13:48
they just didn't have that G -Force budget, I
13:51
guess. The G -Force budget. But I sent Sean a
13:53
picture from Toy Story 1. Do you remember Sid,
13:56
the, like, fuck -off kid from Next Door? Yeah,
13:58
a real piece of shit. He looks like dog shit.
14:00
He looks so bad. And, like, even still kind of
14:04
looks better in some ways than the shit that's
14:06
in this movie. Yeah, he's generally proportional.
14:09
I mean, like, obviously he looks like crap and
14:11
he has those dumb braces and horrible hair. But
14:13
he doesn't have, like, slick worm lips. Yeah.
14:17
good kissers right there so birds oh worm lips
14:23
motherfucker so yeah i mean the cast like to
14:26
your point a while ago sean when we were talking
14:28
about one of the other animated movies it's like
14:30
this concept of getting good voice actors or
14:33
sorry like notable voice actors versus good voice
14:36
actors is really weird to me it's like this is
14:39
a great cast but like why yeah of people who
14:43
are better at not voice acting right like donald
14:46
sutherland as the president sucks he sounded
14:49
like he was in a recording in a trash can the
14:51
entire time until he was in the robot when i
14:53
was like that kind of works now yeah samuel jackson
14:56
zog or whatever you can barely even tell it's
14:58
him yeah except for that like first line yeah
15:02
and then after that it's like he didn't say motherfucker
15:05
i think that really threw us off yeah that's
15:08
fair But yeah, I mean, it's good. Like Nathan
15:10
Lane's a main character in there. What kind of
15:12
major character? But like Elle Fanning is like
15:14
one of the kids, which is bizarre. She has like
15:18
three lines. Carlton was a squirt bottle. Yeah.
15:22
Like what the fuck? Well, this just goes to like
15:24
this is one of those films, these animated films.
15:27
I'm like, I don't know who this was made for
15:29
because you have like the Shrek era film where
15:32
I was like, we're going to make a kids movie
15:33
with a bunch of adult jokes in it. It's like
15:35
he's going to talk about shit and cum or whatever.
15:37
this isn't that like this is ostensibly for weebs
15:41
children but it is a kind of heady story that
15:46
i would be bored by as a child and i'm bored
15:50
by as an adult well and as an adult it's not
15:52
played seriously enough for me to care that's
15:55
exactly it it sort of misses that sweet spot
15:58
of like you can make animation for kids that
16:01
hits on two levels right like oh uh gravity falls
16:05
gravity falls like that's a great show that works
16:08
for somebody who is pretty young like my son
16:12
watched that when he was 9 10 something like
16:14
that he really liked it and then i watched it
16:16
at 39 or whatever and i was like i really like
16:18
this yeah so this one didn't hit anything like
16:22
no i wouldn't watch i wouldn't want cora watching
16:24
it because it's boring i think the target audience
16:27
for this is like maybe like 9 to 13 year old
16:32
kids who just discovered anime and like they're
16:37
mature enough to deal with some of the like subject
16:40
matter in the beginning and fucking dumb enough
16:44
to just be like this is this is what fucking
16:48
peak yeah animation and humor should be the squirt
16:54
bottle shitting oil okay yeah i want to talk
16:56
about the squirt bottles for a minute so you
16:58
have a squirt bottle robot and a squeegee robot
17:00
So David Allen Greer is the squirt bottle. Mr.
17:03
Squirt. Mr. Squirt and Mr. Squeegee. Yeah. Played
17:06
by Alan Tudyk. And Carl. They're like just window
17:10
washers. But like, where does all the fluid come
17:13
from from Mr. Squirt? Because like he's cleaning
17:15
the windows with his own essence. What the fuck
17:18
is it? He's got the stuff. But then he also can
17:21
shit oil. Well, you got to keep that squirter
17:24
lubricated. You got to keep it wet. You got to.
17:29
get wet to stay wet yeah i mean in all seriousness
17:31
i imagine he has like a refilling depot why wouldn't
17:35
you make him bigger i know those are really big
17:38
buildings he probably gets like one floor done
17:42
and then has to go recharge it's just it made
17:46
no sense i mean i get it's like a funny bit whatever
17:48
or attempted funny bit but it just why why the
17:53
fuck i like that they ran away And then at the
17:57
end, they're just out in the middle of nowhere.
17:59
And Astro Boy was like, we got to go back and
18:03
save the people. And they're like, that's it.
18:06
We're heroes. We're going to do it, too. That's
18:08
our protocol. Yeah. Save people. Fucking Asimov.
18:11
I didn't really think about it that the one rule,
18:14
the first rule is like robots can't hurt humans.
18:18
So how do the war robots work? Instilling these
18:22
kind of rules into robots kind of up to the people.
18:26
There isn't like just some like. That's true.
18:28
Base element that's that has to be used for robots
18:32
that unfortunately makes them incapable of hurting
18:35
people. We made these kill bots, but they just
18:37
don't want to kill people. God, I just wish I
18:40
didn't have to make the hole out of pussy. That's
18:44
degrading. Yeah. To robots. Oh, yeah. Ryan Stiles
18:50
was his teacher. Like, what the fuck? Why are
18:52
these people in this movie? Oh, did you see the
18:55
teacher's name? Mr. Mustachio. Yeah. I think
18:58
that's got to be like an actual holdover from
19:00
the real anime. But yeah, of course. Sure. Well,
19:03
again, this movie clearly isn't made for fans
19:06
of the anime. No, I mean, you wouldn't think
19:08
so. I mean, OK, so its budget was 62 million
19:12
or something like that. And it made 45 million
19:15
like it absolutely ate shit. And in the U .S.
19:18
market, it made like six million bucks. Yeah,
19:21
really? Kind of required that Asian bump. Yeah.
19:24
And even the Asian market. This is pretty bad.
19:27
No, it's actually really big in South Africa.
19:29
Really? I know. I'm just making that up. How
19:33
many movie theaters do you think are in South
19:35
Africa? I have no idea. I mean, I think it's
19:39
a it's not like a podunk country. I mean, I've
19:43
seen in District 9. I know what I'm looking at.
19:47
What was the other one with the robot? chappy
19:50
oh chappy yeah i never saw that one was that
19:52
south africa too uh yeah uh because it had the
19:55
d ant word oh of course yeah guys in it it was
20:00
terrible too i did actually kind of enjoy it
20:03
uh i just can't stand uh ninja and what fair
20:07
enough fucking bucket yeah 51 okay 51 movie theaters
20:12
in south africa So I can see how that would float
20:15
this movie. Yeah, exactly. The majority of this
20:19
is definitely South Africa. Yeah, fuck you, South
20:23
Africa. You made me watch this. Well, and just
20:26
even going back to like getting all of these
20:28
non -voice actors, like trying to get all these
20:30
star, like trying to sell this on star power.
20:32
Again, animated film, ostensibly for children.
20:35
No child knows anybody in this movie. No, of
20:38
course not. I mean, who's going to be like, oh,
20:39
Bill Nighy's voice. Nathan Lane. right oh notable
20:45
child actor nathan lane you could at least be
20:47
like oh he was pumbaa oh yeah but through the
20:51
power of friendship he you know astro boy learns
20:55
to be a hero and saves the day yeah well okay
20:58
so i mean there is some stuff that we can talk
21:00
about in the middle because they have to fill
21:02
out a lot of movie with basically garbage so
21:06
he lands on a garbage planet earth that was a
21:09
nice transition there should be a word for that
21:11
and um some like scrap heap zombie robots see
21:15
him and they're like batteries do you have charge
21:19
oh yeah i do love why the earth is a giant trash
21:23
heap because whenever they get done with a robot
21:26
or whenever a robot breaks on the floating city
21:28
they just throw it off the side and because it's
21:31
just floating over the earth The whole earth
21:33
is just like covered in garbage. Yeah, so he
21:36
ends up on like a torso pile, which is weird
21:38
and creepy. Throw him on the torso pile. Then
21:41
some kids capture him with the help of a robot
21:44
dog named Trash Can. Tight dog. I like that dog.
21:47
Best character. But then they're like, oh no,
21:49
he's a kid. And the robot dog's like, no, he's
21:52
not. He's a robot, but only... He only says it
21:54
to the illiterate child. Spells it out in the
21:57
dirt, yeah. The only person who understands what
21:59
he says are robots. Sure. And then he tries to
22:03
write it out. But everybody who lives in Trash
22:05
World are illiterate. Because presumably because
22:08
their dad adopted dad, Nathan Lane, doesn't teach
22:11
them anything because he's a dick. Yeah. There's
22:13
the robot resistance front. I loved the robot
22:16
resistance. They were pretty good. That's probably
22:18
my favorite part. Like, it's pretty dumb gag
22:20
overall. But like, I liked it. Yeah. What are
22:23
their names again? Like Sparky. Sparks is one
22:26
of them. Oh, yes. Sparks. And then like Icebox.
22:29
Mike. Mike the fridge. Mike the fridge. like
22:32
the fridge the red one i don't remember his name
22:34
crushinator or something yeah something like
22:36
i don't remember um i liked i liked mike i also
22:40
really like when they're revealing the robot
22:42
resistance front plan to fuck with nathan lane's
22:45
character whose name is ham egg tight fucking
22:48
name they're they're gonna tickle him which is
22:50
dumb but whatever they they reveal his name is
22:52
ham egg and immediately spit on the floor and
22:55
i don't know the reaction that's like one of
22:57
the few moments in this movie that actually gave
22:59
me a genuine like Because, like, Mike the Fridge
23:03
just spits out an ice cube. Yeah. I was like,
23:05
nice. I think that's the only time I laughed
23:07
in this entire movie. This movie got a solid
23:10
fucking laugh out of me. Best fucking joke I've
23:12
seen in a long time in an animated film. Nice
23:16
qualifier. When Nick Cage gives the Astro all
23:20
of the books to study, and one of them is Descartes,
23:23
and it was titled Descartes Before the Horse.
23:26
that fucking got me i took a photo of that and
23:29
sent it to peter i'm like solid fucking joke
23:32
see and then i couldn't laugh at that one because
23:33
i already knew it was coming so i ruined the
23:36
best joke for you but yeah the resistance front
23:39
is cool then astro boy gets saved by the the
23:41
kids because they think he's a boy and then he
23:44
goes to work for hammock just uh finding robots
23:47
and stuff that can be repaired for yeah uh what
23:51
is just kind of loosely referred to as the robot
23:54
games Which is Robot Fight Club. Yeah. Later
23:57
to be discovered is Robot Fight Club. But only
24:00
after Astro Boy reanimates a giant robot that
24:06
was made before. Before times. Yeah. Before Asimov's
24:11
rules. Exactly. So Samuel L. Jackson can still
24:14
stomp on people. But Astro Boy still saved the
24:16
guy he was going to stomp on. Because Astro Boy
24:18
is a good boy. Yeah. He can't allow humans to
24:22
be hurt because of, you know, first rules. Right.
24:25
Do you think that's why? Or was it just because
24:26
he was like, yeah, they explained it and like,
24:29
oh, he was compelled to do it. Yeah, they're
24:32
not allowed to hurt humans. They're not allowed
24:34
to have their actions like create. No, I know
24:38
that part, but I didn't know that Astro Boy was
24:39
beholden to the same rules. Yeah, he's still
24:42
part of it. And plus, you know, he's all blue
24:44
energy. Yeah, right. It's all good stuff. Yeah,
24:46
right. All sugar, no spice. All sugar, no spice.
24:49
That's when Astro Boy never is going to fuck.
24:51
No. Sorry, Astro Boy. It's too spicy. The butt
24:55
guns do nothing for you. Well, while on Trash
24:59
World, Astro Boy befriends Kristen Bell, who
25:03
voices Cora. Another reason you can never let
25:05
your daughter watch this movie, Peter. Otherwise,
25:08
you'll never not be watching this movie. Exactly.
25:10
She's like, I'm represented. That girl has purple
25:13
dyed hair. That's all I want now. She does actually.
25:17
Cora the other day, she was like, I really would
25:19
like rainbow hair. I was like. You and me both,
25:22
child. I don't care. You can do that. I just
25:25
don't know what the correct age to allow your
25:27
child to have rainbow hair is. Don't stymie your
25:30
child, Peter. Yeah. There is a character in this
25:33
movie named Dr. Pig Knuckle. What? Who played
25:38
Pig Knuckle? Marianne Garger. Man, I can't think
25:42
of any. Because Bill Nighy was Dr. Elephant.
25:46
And then Cage was, you know, obviously Dr. Tenma.
25:49
Eugene Levy was Orin. Yeah, I mean, there were,
25:52
like, over a baker's dozen, like, great actors
25:55
in this film. Doing mail -in voice work. Very
25:59
minimal. None of them good voice actors. Matt
26:01
Lucas is probably the only one who sold it. He
26:04
was Sparks. I thought he did a good job. Nathan
26:07
Lane was fine, I mean, but he was just playing
26:09
a fucking heel, so it's not that hard, you know?
26:12
Yeah. You get to glower and, now you're gonna
26:16
fight, you know? Yeah. Right in my games. oh
26:20
no yeah what's up with him being like oh so he
26:25
he uh tricks astro boy into like going down to
26:30
these games and then he like stuns him and throws
26:33
him in and makes him part of the game why does
26:36
he get upset when astro boy does well yeah right
26:41
like it's like this is just entertainment for
26:43
the people yeah he fucking crushes it yeah I
26:47
know. It's interesting, though, that Astro Boy
26:48
is immediately like, I'm not going to fight.
26:50
I'm not doing it. I'm not fighting. I'm not fighting.
26:53
And then that robot, like, tries to take two
26:54
swipes at him. He's like, I'm murdering this
26:56
fucking robot. I'm blasting his head off. Yeah.
26:59
I mean, he does have the memories and emotional
27:03
stability of a teenage boy. That's true. Yeah.
27:06
With butt guns. With butt guns. Butt guns. And
27:10
his mega blasters. I mean, he did have those.
27:12
Yeah. Mega blasters, butt guns. Yeah, and I love
27:15
Mega Man. What's your favorite Mega Man game?
27:18
Four is the one I played the most because it
27:23
was the one that was like most readily rentable
27:25
when I was a child. With Pharaoh Man. Yeah. Dive
27:29
Man. Skull Man. That's cool. Yeah, I think three
27:33
was mine. Gemini Man. Needle Man. Snake Man.
27:37
I think the correct answer is two is the best.
27:41
Yeah. But I mean, my favorite would be four.
27:43
Did you ever play the like Dreamcast Mega Man
27:46
Legends game? Yes, I played it. Yeah, I played.
27:51
So like that, that's like Mega Man without his
27:54
helmet. Most of the game, he's got like anime
27:55
hair and he's running around and there's all
27:57
these other anime people ish. You know, it's
27:59
like that's a better movie than this is. The
28:02
whole thing is easier and better. But yeah, this
28:06
is what we got. I tried to go back and play Mega
28:09
Man Legends, emulate it a few years ago. And,
28:13
oh, God, the world before they figured out that
28:15
you could use the right analog stick for a camera
28:17
is a scary one. Because the way you turn left
28:21
or right or the camera is to hold down the left
28:24
or right shoulder buttons. Gross. And it moves
28:26
very slowly. Yeah. It's sort of that Resident
28:30
Evil, like, tank movement style. Yeah. Which
28:33
did add to the, like, terror in those games.
28:36
Because it's like, oh, my God, I really can't
28:38
move. Fuck. OK, so, Sean, you were saying last
28:43
episode that your friend thought that this was
28:46
the best Nick Cage. This was their favorite Nick
28:49
Cage movie. They haven't. She hasn't watched
28:52
a lot of Nick Cage movies. I am changing. Has
28:53
she seen any other Nick Cage movies? We've gone
28:57
and seen the unbearable weight of massive talent
28:58
together. OK, so she's seen more now. But this
29:02
was the one I think she's watched the most of.
29:04
And I believe her dog was named after Toby. Oh,
29:09
wow. Shit. onward and upward toby well i hope
29:12
they don't listen to this episode because we
29:14
are dunking on movie is dog shit yeah it's bad
29:19
it's a bad movie yeah i wish i had more like
29:22
fun things to say about it but like the animation's
29:26
bad the design is bad like i didn't even i couldn't
29:29
even remark on what the music was like Cause
29:31
it rolled completely off my brain. Nope. I don't
29:35
remember. Was there music? There could have been
29:37
none. There was music when they were cleaning
29:38
Zog's body off, but it was like an actual song.
29:41
Oh yeah. It was like a montage thing. Yeah. What
29:44
was the studio behind this again? Well, I mean,
29:47
okay. So like the production company is Imagine
29:50
Animation Studios who went under immediately
29:53
after this. Of course. Good. It feels like a
29:56
passion project for somebody who then like lost
29:59
all the passion for it while they. actually made
30:01
the thing lost control of it to studios who knows
30:05
man because it definitely seems like there's
30:07
just no heart in this thing yeah for like the
30:10
anime is cute like it's all about heart it's
30:13
about like astro boy being a really good little
30:16
dude and like having this i mean his his core
30:20
in the anime is a heart like it's a little heart
30:22
power core you know but that's too femme for
30:26
the u .s audience at the time so i suppose yeah
30:29
Turned into a blue sphere instead. Because Americans
30:33
only understand red versus blue. That's it. Yeah.
30:36
No other color dynamics in this country. Too
30:39
confusing. But yeah, I don't know. It's just
30:42
an unfortunate kind of movie where there's just
30:44
really not all that much to give it credit for
30:48
even, you know. It's of the era of kind of crappy
30:52
animation and it embraces that. Like what really
30:54
pissed me off is that. this is like you could
30:58
have had hyper color you know like make everything
31:00
super punched up comic -y all that kind of stuff
31:04
but instead they picked like washed out color
31:06
palette like it's just not appealing yeah i think
31:11
this could have worked if they would have just
31:13
gotten rid of the whole earth subplot with the
31:18
other kids and just like given us 20 more minutes
31:21
of him on the run or 20 more minutes of him in
31:23
the city or just fighting aliens or something
31:25
rather than trying to like have this whole secondary
31:28
plot in the film. Or just make the movie shorter.
31:32
I'm fine with that as well. Well, yeah, cut out
31:34
an entire 30 minutes in the middle. No, but I
31:37
think you're right, because the whole point of
31:38
that is to like, oh, he learns about friendship
31:40
and he learns about his powers. That's sort of
31:43
it. And he learns that there's conflict about
31:45
how people view robots. It's a little backup
31:48
from the. ground dwellers yeah in the end the
31:52
rrf yeah but that's it like there's nothing and
31:55
you could have had that happen in almost any
31:58
other different format you can learn those lessons
32:01
i i did i don't think i hated this movie that
32:05
as much as you two did like i enjoyed it enough
32:09
um i wouldn't say it was fun but i wasn't like
32:12
miserable um and the one part where i'm just
32:15
like fuck this movie and fuck this writer and
32:17
just fuck everything was when They capture Astro
32:21
Boy. They take Nick Cage takes the core out.
32:25
Only to sleight of hand it to put it right back
32:28
in to let Astro Boy go. It's like you could have
32:31
just let him go. Yeah, I think he was still being
32:34
a good little bitch boy up until that moment
32:38
where he he realized where he had to kill his
32:41
child again. Exactly. He had to watch his son
32:45
go by dad. I love you. Yeah. Yeah, that part
32:50
probably hurt a lot more. The hardest part of
32:53
any any parent's life if their child dies is
32:56
that final when they power down for the last
33:00
time. As you hold their beating heart in your
33:04
hand. The final servo were. I remember his first
33:09
servo were. um i wish we got more of the background
33:16
of dr tenma's uh close -up magic yeah i mean
33:20
i would like to see him in college trying to
33:22
like compete in like open mic nights doing a
33:26
little bit a little bit of sleight of hand a
33:28
little maybe maybe yeah oh yeah oh it's giant
33:32
quarter He rolls it down his shoulder into a
33:34
hat and then like dumbs out like 30 pennies.
33:37
Well, I guess 25. 25 makes more sense, but 30
33:40
is funnier because it doesn't make sense. Some
33:42
fucking autistic person will count and be like,
33:45
hey, that's too many pennies. Oh, yeah. OK, so
33:49
let's do let's see vocal performances. Who do
33:52
you think actually did a good job other than
33:54
Matt Lucas? I would say Nick Cage at least sounds
33:57
like he was in a consistent sound booth. yeah
34:01
it just seemed like he was phoning it into me
34:03
but it was better than his performance in the
34:05
like Christmas Carol Christmas Carol yeah that
34:08
was real bad I mean I'm not saying his performance
34:10
is good I'm saying it was consistent okay which
34:13
I can't say for most other people in this movie
34:16
yeah Kristen Bell was fine but she did nothing
34:19
yeah I mean Freddie Highmore who plays Astro
34:22
Boy and Toby like again didn't have a big ask
34:26
it's like you have to be sort of a dewy eyed
34:29
Dipshit. Yeah. I mean, I like Nathan Lang. I
34:34
think he does a good job. He's a very characterful
34:38
voice. So David Alan Greer, Alan Tudyk. They
34:44
were good. I mean, they were probably my favorite
34:45
dumb bit of the entire thing. They weren't that
34:47
funny, but I liked the concept of Mr. Squirt.
34:51
So stupid. Yeah. So stupid. It's so dumb. Trash
34:57
can was great. The voice of trash can. Yeah.
35:00
There's a, there's a voice actor listed for trash
35:02
can. Well, it's kind of like, uh, speaking of
35:05
Alan Tudyk, uh, he's like the voice of the rooster.
35:09
Yeah. Yeah. I mean, just cause. Great. We can
35:16
do that. Here's $3 million. Exactly. I don't
35:19
think he made $3 million for that, but we'll
35:22
find out. Yeah, we will. we'll google that i'm
35:25
gonna find out and remind us all in a month when
35:28
no one will remember any of this perfect those
35:30
are my favorites did i think anybody else did
35:33
a really good job no no not not nothing stands
35:39
out at least yeah like none of the fights are
35:42
all that great like at the end so donald sutherland
35:45
the president ends up getting absorbed into the
35:48
bad robot with the red core because it has absorbing
35:52
powers And then he just kind of keeps like Katamari
35:55
growing and like absorbing buildings and shit.
35:58
That was kind of cool. Like the Kaiju sort of
36:01
mega robot that he becomes. It was all right.
36:03
Like I didn't dislike the design, but that was
36:07
probably the most interesting animation. Yeah.
36:10
I will say I enjoyed the gag when he like. when
36:14
the red energy and blue energy blow each other
36:16
up and he gets like deabsorbed and it's just
36:20
the president again and he like comes out of
36:22
the wreckage and he just starts going i thought
36:27
that was funny yeah yeah the other like the other
36:31
fight you know with all the robots in the robot
36:34
fighting arena the only thing i noticed about
36:36
that was the weird like bondage bot yeah yeah
36:39
i saw that oh i uh i enjoyed the chase in the
36:45
beginning where they had the weird like sticky
36:47
guns sticky guns were pretty cool and then how
36:50
he like uh flew between the two narrow narrow
36:54
gap he shot the gap shot the gap and he busted
36:58
the seam yeah he shot the gap and loosed his
37:01
stuff um this is uh this is gonna be a personal
37:05
uh grape for me because i'm all about like fucking
37:10
buckle up folks john's got an opinion i do uh
37:13
what's the term for when like you know just only
37:17
use the points that like matter like don't like
37:21
show us something if it's not going to come up
37:22
later so when he couldn't fly out of the arena
37:24
because there was a force field over it i thought
37:27
because he didn't want to fight he was just like
37:29
cool i've dug through a mountain he just like
37:32
sonic his way down to the ground and out of the
37:34
arena no just fights yeah oh how about we're
37:38
talking about that force field in the arena how
37:40
about that time where like two robots got just
37:43
like slapped like up and out of the arena oh
37:46
yeah right why do they get to just get slapped
37:48
out of there maybe it was for him no because
37:51
he kills the guy with it the robot with it yeah
37:54
he kills the first robot with it maybe that short
37:57
-circuited it i don't know Giving it a little
38:00
too much credit. Yeah, I know. I had to have
38:02
that sight gag. That one got me. I had a little
38:05
beef right there. One little ham egg. One ham
38:10
egg. Was it ham egg or hem egg? I mean, I think
38:13
it's supposed to be hem egg. But it sounds like
38:16
ham egg. And it's spelled ham egg. Oh, is it?
38:18
Oh, okay. Bye. Ham egg. Ham egg. Hey, Meg. Hey,
38:24
Meg. Hey, Meg. The general, the president's right
38:31
hand man named General Heckler. Oh, I like that.
38:35
Who was that played by? Newell Alexander. Not
38:40
a clue. I thought I recognized the voice, but
38:42
nope. Don't watch it. It's not worth it. Yeah,
38:46
I feel the same. Nick, final thoughts? No, you
38:51
don't. You don't have to watch this. This is
38:53
easily skippable. If you don't have kids, easy.
38:57
If you do have kids, just don't. There's plenty
39:00
of other crap you can watch. Yeah. If you do
39:02
have kids, but you don't like them, why not?
39:05
If you've got kids, just fucking go outside.
39:09
Like, come on. Quit watching this shit. You can
39:14
do something better with your life. Fuck off.
39:16
Yeah. Well, did you guys have any favorite quotes?
39:20
We addressed mine, but I didn't. Mine was mine
39:24
was Descartes before the horse. Did you have
39:28
a favorite quote? Yeah, mine was the interaction
39:30
between Robotsky, the big red guy, Sparks and
39:34
Mike. And they're like, you have been rescued
39:39
by the robot revolutionary front. I'm Sparks,
39:43
the brain. And I'm Robotsky, the muscle. And
39:47
I'm Mike, the fridge. I'm the fridge. Yeah, I
39:53
heard that. I was just like, I'm the fridge.
39:56
It reminds me just a quick about the one time
39:59
I didn't meet him, but I saw on the streets,
40:02
Billy the fridge while I was walking around downtown.
40:06
Who's Billy the fridge? Billy the fridge is I
40:09
didn't know originally either. I had to be educated.
40:12
This is this one's out there for the real Seattleites.
40:14
Billy the fridge was a amateur rapper. here in
40:18
seattle and uh he was a really large guy and
40:24
so i noticed him because i was you know catching
40:26
a bus downtown and there's this like mammoth
40:30
of a dude and he's just got like a donkey rope
40:35
on his on his neck with just a glazed donut just
40:40
hanging from around this thick gold necklace
40:43
and i was like holy shit so i like pretend like
40:46
i'm on my fucking flip phone but i'm walking
40:49
past and i'm like trying to take photos and it's
40:51
like i don't know if i'm aiming right i don't
40:53
know anything yeah so i had some real like fucking
40:56
bigfoot footage of this guy billy the fridge
41:00
yeah and i'm showing my friends at uh work the
41:03
next day and one of them's like oh it's billy
41:05
the fridge what billy the fridge amazing yeah
41:10
are you looking at building the fridge no i had
41:13
to look at what donkey rope was uh wait uh but
41:18
talking about the robot revolutionary front uh
41:20
that did remind me there was one other gag in
41:22
this movie and it's a robot revolutionary gag
41:24
that did get a chuckle out of me is um When they're
41:27
going to try and kidnap a ham egg and they're
41:30
like in disguise as boxes, but boxes of the things
41:34
they are when they're like, all right, let's
41:37
go. And they like pop out of the boxes. They're
41:39
making transformers noises. Yeah. With their
41:41
mouth. That got, that got, that got a chuckle
41:46
out of me. Robot revolutionary front. best part
41:49
of the film yeah i would watch that movie yeah
41:51
i would love to watch the adventures of robotski
41:56
sparks and mike the fridge yeah with delightful
42:00
cameos by mr squirt and mr squeegee i do uh god
42:08
um fucking tarantino i just want to see the pulp
42:11
fiction the stuck in the middle with you seen
42:15
The robot revolutionary front. Oh, yeah. From
42:17
Little Dance. Reservoir Dogs. Yeah. Reservoir
42:19
Dogs. Yeah. Now, that's a very different scene
42:22
in Pulp Fiction in the basement. Yeah. Oh, yeah.
42:27
Bring back the bondage mask. That robot's there.
42:31
He doesn't love the gimp scene. I know. So, I
42:33
mean, he was there in the robot. Yep. Kids love
42:36
gimps. They do love a gimp. They're like, why
42:38
can't he talk? Because he's been a bad boy. All
42:44
right. So next, we've got Seeking Justice from
42:47
2011. Never heard of it. Yeah, it has been described
42:51
as yet another phoned in Nick Cage performance.
42:55
Awesome. We shall see. I think it's like a crime
42:59
procedural bullshit. I'm sure somebody has like
43:02
taken a thing from him and he gets revenge. Can
43:05
we start introducing the next week's movie with
43:08
a review? like of it in like in advance yeah
43:12
like to pull up a review yeah pull up like one
43:14
one hot review about it wow so right off right
43:19
off the top very enjoyable very watchable film
43:21
um serious plot issues but a good action flick
43:24
not bad at all worth watching pleasantly surprising
43:28
not bad at all could have been worse but it's
43:31
good you You're out here telling me like it's
43:34
not going to be a good performance. And now I'm
43:37
excited. This one maybe is from like Nick Cage
43:40
himself. One of Nicolas Cage's best movies ever.
43:42
Oh, hell yeah. Seeking Justice and Dying of the
43:45
Light are two of our favorite Nick Cage movies.
43:49
OK, OK. My my expectations are a little lower
43:55
now. Wouldn't pay to watch it. Wouldn't pay to
43:59
watch it. Watchable mess. Oh, yeah. See there.
44:03
All right. I feel better about this. Yeah, we
44:05
can pull up a couple. I think it primes the pump.
44:11
Ready to bust those. Yeah, my stuff and pump.
44:16
All right. Thank you all for listening. Happy
44:19
holidays. Merry Christmas. Whatever. If you chose
44:22
to listen to this on Christmas Day, I'm sorry.
44:25
um but yeah thanks to all of you and to our sparkle
44:28
buddies josh josie matt adam bill stewart and
44:31
willow and to our cage dancers john freeman nathan
44:33
and cameron and thank you to bill panks for our
44:36
intro music so ham egg merry christmas bill bye