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Facing the Hard Truth About What We Withhold From Our Spouse · Doing Marriage Well

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  Doing Marriage Well for August 11, 2026 Facing the Hard Truth About What We
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  Withhold from Our Spouse Yesterday I suggested the need for emotional connection
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  and sexual connection are very similar, and limiting either one is like limiting the other.
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  I also suggested what makes it difficult for many to accept this is what it
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  would mean for them if they did.
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  The man who feels he's not getting enough sex is angry, and he feels justified being angry.
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  He tells himself he would never deny his wife sex because he loves her and he
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  would never hurt her in that way.
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  And odds are, he would not do that.
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  But what if he is doing something every bit as painful to her by not being there for her emotionally?
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  How many wives are doing the reverse? They would never dream of hurting their
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  husband by not being there for him emotionally, but they don't see only having
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  sex a few times a month as being in any way similar.
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  We make our hurts big and downplay other people's pain. We want to pin our pain
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  on what others do and don't do But we dodge responsibility for how our actions
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  and inactions hurt others,
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  We do this because of cognitive dissonance The mental discomfort we feel when
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  our actions don't match our beliefs,
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  Telling ourselves that emotional and sexual connection are two different things
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  Protects us from facing the reality that we are doing the same thing to our
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  spouse But we are upset about them doing to us.
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  My goal is to make it impossible for you to keep telling yourself that lie I
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  realize that is a horrible thing to do to you It's going to hurt And it's going
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  to force you to make some difficult decisions,
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  But if you accept this truth It could be the start of some significant changes
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  in your marriage Not sure?
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  Ask God to deal with this in your heart and mind Ask Him to make it real to
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  you if it's true I dare you,
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  The exception If your marriage is in a bad place Such as an addiction,
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  adultery, neglect, or ongoing anger You will need to deal with those things
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  before you deal with the connection issues.
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  Tomorrow, I'll take a stab at explaining what it means to be emotionally available.
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  This is Paul, and the dog in the image gets it.