Latest / Stories From The Lost and Found: The Journey Back to Self / The Part of You That Feels Alone

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The Part of You That Feels Alone · Stories From The Lost and Found: The Journey Back to Self

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to Stories from the Lost and Found.
• 0:02
  SPEAKER_00: I'm Krishna Avalon, subconscious therapist, breakthrough coach, and acupuncturist, someone who spent 24 years helping people change from the inside out.
• 0:11
  SPEAKER_00: I bridge neuroscience and ancient medicine together to show you what's actually driving your life because it's almost enough about what's on the surface.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_00: Each week we'll go deep into the patterns, wounded parts, and the real stories behind why we get stuck and how we find our way through.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_00: If you're ready for honesty, depth, and tools that actually work, you're in the right place.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_00: I am so glad you're here.
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_00: The part of you that feels alone.
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_00: This one can be harder to name than other parts.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_00: In our previous episodes, the inner critic has a voice.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_00: The people pleasing has a behavior.
• 0:49
  SPEAKER_00: Imposter syndrome has a feeling that you can point to, like waiting to be found out or bracing before the win.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_00: But the part of you that feels alone is quieter.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_00: It is buried.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_00: And the reason it's buried is exactly what we're going to talk about today.
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_00: There's a part of you, and I'm going to say this carefully, because I know it might land in a tender place.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_00: There's a part of you that feels profoundly, fundamentally alone.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_00: And maybe not even alone because your life is empty.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_00: Not alone because people don't love you, alone in a way that exists underneath all of that.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_00: Underneath the full calendar, the relationships, and the capable functioning life that you've likely built.
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_00: This kind of aloneness has been there so long.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_00: It doesn't always register as aloneness.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_00: It just registers as the background texture of being you.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_00: And a lot of times it's unconscious.
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_00: Here's what makes this part so difficult to reach.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_00: It is very protected, heavily protected by parts that are often extreme in their expression.
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm speaking from the framework of internal family systems.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_00: That framework has a premise that we all have parts of us, all of us, and none of our parts are bad.
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_00: They went into roles to help us survive.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_00: And we have protector parts that are protecting the part we're going to talk about today, the exile that feels alone.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_00: So a protector can come out as anger.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_00: The anger that comes out of nowhere, drinking, scrolling, or overworking.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_00: And those parts started before you were even conscious.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_00: They come out before you're reaching for it.
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_00: The anxiety that hums at a frequency just below the thought, the bit of tightness in your body that never fully releases.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes a part is mean.
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_00: And that sometimes surfaces in people you're closest to.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_00: I want to tell you that those are not character flaws.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_00: They're not you at your worst.
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_00: These are parts doing an extraordinary, exhausting job of making sure you never have to feel what's underneath, which is perhaps for you the part that feels alone.
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_00: And lots and lots of us have this.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_00: This is a foundational, fundamental core wound for many of us, for most of us, from what I've seen in 24 years as a practitioner.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_00: Underneath all of this is this wound that is old.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_00: And the protector parts of you learned a long time ago that it was safer to be angry or numb or anxious or in pain than to let go of the wound of feeling alone.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_00: That wound feels exposed when it's not protected.
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_00: And so today we're going to go to it.
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_00: Not to tear the protectors away, they'll be part of the conversation too, but to understand what those protectors are working so hard to protect, where it came from, how it lives in your body, and what it actually takes to reach the part underneath all of it that has just always wanted to be met.
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_00: It's wanted to not feel alone.
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_00: So we'll talk about the subconscious programs of the aloneness first.
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_00: The wound of a fundamental part that feels alone runs deeper than most patterns we carry because it isn't about what happened to you in a relationship or a moment at work.
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_00: It's about the most primary question a human being can ask themselves.
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_00: Am I someone who gets to be held, cared for, accepted as I am, not held physically, held in the way that matters most, seen, met, accompanied, welcomed into connection without having to earn it or perform to be a particular version of yourself to maintain it.
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_00: For the part carrying this wound, the answer that was installed early, perhaps before language or logic.
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_00: Let me name some of the specific some subconscious programs and just notice which ones land.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_00: The first one, I am alone in this, whatever this is.
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_00: This is foundational, and it doesn't always look like sadness.
• 5:27
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes it looks like self-sufficiency, so complete that asking for help feels physically impossible.
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes it looks like the person who is brilliant at being present for everyone else and has no idea how to receive the same.
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes it looks like a competence so well developed that no one around you has ever thought to ask if you're okay.
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_00: Because you always seem like you haven't handled.
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_00: I know this lands for lots of you.
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_00: The next one, my pain, my real pain is not something others can hold.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_00: Or in people who early on were the one doing the holding, the child who became attuned to the parent's emotional state, who learned to manage their own feelings so as not to add to the weight of the room.
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_00: And the subconscious program, the conclusion that was made.
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_00: I'm too much or I'm not enough.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_00: So it gets managed, kept internal, processed alone.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_00: And the aloneness deepens, not because the people aren't there sometimes, but because the part that carries the wound has decided with complete subconscious certainty that bringing it to anyone would be too great a risk.
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_00: The next one, connection is available to other people, not to me in the same way.
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_00: And this one is subtle, but it's devastating.
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_00: It's the sense of watching other people seem to inhabit their relationships differently, with less effort, with more ease, with a quality of genuine belonging that you can observe, but can't quite access from the inside.
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_00: Like there's a frequency of connection that others are tuned to, and you're picking up something slightly next to it.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_00: Close enough to function, not quite close enough to land or connect.
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_00: This program often runs quietly beneath conscious awareness.
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_00: It doesn't announce itself as a belief, it announces itself as a feeling typically.
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_00: Like a slight distance, a glass wall between you and the full warmth of what's available.
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_00: And the part carrying it has often concluded without ever putting it into words, this is just how I am.
• 8:13
  SPEAKER_00: This is just how it is for me.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_00: The next one, if I let myself feel how alone I actually am, I won't survive it.
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_00: And that's what your protectors believe.
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_00: Your protectors are in their extreme expressions, whether it's anxiety, pain, overworking, perfectionism, whatever it is, because they believe that the exile's pain is too unbearable.
• 8:38
  SPEAKER_00: So they've gone in their roles to help you survive.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_00: This one, this is the program that explains this protectors, right?
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_00: The reason they come so fast, the way the numbing might start before the feeling has fully formed.
• 8:54
  SPEAKER_00: The way everything just kind of hums beneath the surface, always ready to be activated.
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_00: Because the wound of fundamental aloneness, when it's finally allowed to be felt, it's enormous.
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_00: It's old, it carries the accumulated weight of every moment.
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_00: The part has been in there, unmet, for however many years she's been kept behind the protection.
• 9:19
  SPEAKER_00: And the protectors know this, they've always known this, which is why they work so hard.
• 9:25
  SPEAKER_00: Not because they're trying to make your life difficult, because they genuinely believe that if the wound gets fully felt, something will break that cannot be repaired.
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_00: What they don't know and what they've never been shown, which is the brilliance of internal family systems and the subconscious process that I get to guide you through Psyche K, this is where you get to learn how to actually hold it.
• 9:52
  SPEAKER_00: That the aloneness, when it's finally witnessed, held, seen, cared for, it won't destroy you.
• 10:01
  SPEAKER_00: When you get to meet this part of you, because enough of your self-energy is present.
• 10:07
  SPEAKER_00: That's what we call it in IFS.
• 10:10
  SPEAKER_00: Your protectors can relax.
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_00: When they feel safe enough in your self-energy, the exile might come out of hiding.
• 10:19
  SPEAKER_00: And that's what we're going to talk about next: the self-energy and where the wound comes from.
• 10:25
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes the origin is obvious: an early loss, a parent who left physically or emotionally, an environment of neglect where the child's interior life simply wasn't attended to in the ways that mattered.
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_00: Often it's subtler than that, though.
• 10:42
  SPEAKER_00: And the subtlety is part of what makes it so hard to name.
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_00: It can come from a parent who is physically present and genuinely loving and also emotionally unavailable in a specific way, unable to track a child's interior state, unable to attune to what was actually happening underneath the surface.
• 11:01
  SPEAKER_00: The child was fed, clothed, loved in the ways the parent knew how to love.
• 11:06
  SPEAKER_00: And there was something else the child needed to be felt, not just seen, to be accompanied on the inside, not just managed on the outside.
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_00: And that specific form of being that wasn't available.
• 11:20
  SPEAKER_00: It can come from being the capable one.
• 11:24
  SPEAKER_00: The child who figured out early that her needs added to the weight of the room and who began quietly and at an enormous cost to herself to stop bringing them.
• 11:36
  SPEAKER_00: She developed a competence and a self-sufficiency that the adults around her mistook for being just fine.
• 11:43
  SPEAKER_00: Hello.
• 11:44
  SPEAKER_00: I know that was me, was I you?
• 11:47
  SPEAKER_00: And who learned over years to manage her interior life with such efficiency that she eventually lost reliable access to it herself.
• 12:01
  SPEAKER_00: Where crying was met with stop it, or oh, you're just fine.
• 12:05
  SPEAKER_00: Or quality of withdrawal that taught the child, when I feel something, connection becomes less available, not more.
• 12:14
  SPEAKER_00: So the feelings went underground.
• 12:16
  SPEAKER_00: And the aloneness of having a full interior life with nowhere to bring it became the background of everything.
• 12:24
  SPEAKER_00: In every case, the subconscious drew its conclusion from the emotional facts of the environment it was in, not from anything that was true about what or who this child was, but just from what was available.
• 12:38
  SPEAKER_00: The wound, the cellular, pre-verbal, deeply encoded wound of I am alone, got installed not as a memory, but as a program.
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_00: And that program is still running in the body, in the nervous system, underneath the capable, functioning, loving life that you have built since.
• 12:59
  SPEAKER_00: And I just want to name maybe you don't feel that way.
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you don't feel that you're capable, maybe you don't feel functioning or that you've created a loving life.
• 13:11
  SPEAKER_00: And the part of me that has a lot of self-energy, of presence, care, compassion, love, kindness, generosity, curiosity, I extend that to you.
• 13:23
  SPEAKER_00: Because that was me for a very, very, very long time.
• 13:26
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't know how to create a loving life.
• 13:30
  SPEAKER_00: So I just want to name that.
• 13:32
  SPEAKER_00: The internal family systems map, the exile and the protectors.
• 13:37
  SPEAKER_00: So in IFS, the part that carries the wound of the aloneness is the exile, not a manager running a protection strategy or an exile is being protected.
• 13:48
  SPEAKER_00: The youngest, most vulnerable part of your system carrying the raw, unprocessed pain of the original wound.
• 13:56
  SPEAKER_00: Kept behind layer after layer of protection, because we can have a lot of protective parts.
• 14:03
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, all of us do.
• 14:05
  SPEAKER_00: Even those of us that are succeeding, surrounded by a lot of love, have beautiful lives.
• 14:12
  SPEAKER_00: We all have protectors, several.
• 14:41
  SPEAKER_00: Wanting with the whole of yourself to be met, yearning for it, but learning over time to stop wanting it.
• 14:50
  SPEAKER_00: Because the wanting made the aloneness more painful, not less.
• 14:56
  SPEAKER_00: So you stop asking, stop reaching.
• 14:59
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you went quiet inside a system built to protect you.
• 15:04
  SPEAKER_00: Protectors took over.
• 15:06
  SPEAKER_00: This is lots of people.
• 15:08
  SPEAKER_00: So I want you to not feel alone in that.
• 15:10
  SPEAKER_00: This is very common, okay?
• 15:13
  SPEAKER_00: And here's what's important to understand about the protectors of this exile.
• 15:17
  SPEAKER_00: They are often very extreme because the wound they're protecting is deep.
• 15:21
  SPEAKER_00: The system decides that the wound cannot be exposed.
• 15:25
  SPEAKER_00: So those defenses are very, very efficient.
• 15:30
  SPEAKER_00: They're effective.
• 15:32
  SPEAKER_00: They're good at what they do.
• 15:34
  SPEAKER_00: Again, anger that might come from nowhere, disappropriate to the situation, hot and fast, sometimes directed at the people you love most.
• 15:42
  SPEAKER_00: Often a protector.
• 15:45
  SPEAKER_00: We have protector parts that are firefighters.
• 15:48
  SPEAKER_00: Firefighters are more self-harming.
• 15:50
  SPEAKER_00: So in the protector realm, we have managers.
• 15:53
  SPEAKER_00: Those are ones that get a lot of cred.
• 15:55
  SPEAKER_00: The overworker, the people pleaser, the hyper-vigilant, the get shit done, the overly capable, overly independent.
• 16:04
  SPEAKER_00: Firefighters are more self-harming, but also they're not bad.
• 16:10
  SPEAKER_00: They believe as well that they're protecting that exile from a wound that, if it were exposed, would be unbearable.
• 16:18
  SPEAKER_00: So maybe a firefighter activates like drinking, overeating, numbing, scrolling.
• 16:29
  SPEAKER_00: Anything to keep you disconnected from that deep pain.
• 16:34
  SPEAKER_00: Anxiety might hum at a constant low frequency, never quite at rest, always slightly braced, always a little overactivated.
• 16:43
  SPEAKER_00: This is a manager that keeps the system in a state of readiness so that the exile's wound could never arrive as a surprise.
• 16:51
  SPEAKER_00: If you're already alert, already scanning, already slightly mobilized, the pain can't ambush you.
• 16:58
  SPEAKER_00: And this is exhausting.
• 17:01
  SPEAKER_00: But that anxiety is doing its job.
• 17:04
  SPEAKER_00: The tightness in your body, chronic tension, chronic pain, jaw, chest, belly, shoulders, headaches, migraines.
• 17:15
  SPEAKER_00: They're trying to keep you safe.
• 17:18
  SPEAKER_00: Holding on to what is not allowed to be felt.
• 17:22
  SPEAKER_00: The body does this.
• 17:23
  SPEAKER_00: It keeps the wound contained in tissue and muscle and breath patterns.
• 17:27
  SPEAKER_00: So it doesn't have to be met consciously.
• 17:30
  SPEAKER_00: It's brilliant, really.
• 17:32
  SPEAKER_00: Our bodies are brilliant protection for us.
• 17:36
  SPEAKER_00: Meanness might come out as a critical edge that surfaces in the closest relationships.
• 17:42
  SPEAKER_00: Sharpness that comes out sideways with partners or children or the people who are safe enough to receive it.
• 17:49
  SPEAKER_00: This is a protector.
• 17:50
  SPEAKER_00: And it's testing often, will you stay even when I show you this?
• 17:57
  SPEAKER_00: Or I'll push you away before I have to risk you leaving on your own.
• 18:01
  SPEAKER_00: Very common one.
• 18:04
  SPEAKER_00: Either way, it's the exile's fear running through a part that has learned that aggression is more survivable than vulnerability.
• 18:13
  SPEAKER_00: All of these protectors have one thing in common.
• 18:16
  SPEAKER_00: They're working tirelessly at significant cost to your life and your relationships to make sure the exile never has to feel what she's been carrying.
• 18:26
  SPEAKER_00: And what the system has never been shown is self.
• 18:30
  SPEAKER_00: And self and IFS, again, it's the part of you that's already in there, already whole, calm, grounded, courageous, compassionate, playful, wise.
• 18:44
  SPEAKER_00: And what your parts want is to get in relationship with yourself.
• 18:50
  SPEAKER_00: IFS really is just about getting your self-energy in relationship with your parts.
• 18:57
  SPEAKER_00: We don't go in with an agenda of trying to make parts change.
• 19:01
  SPEAKER_00: Parts might give the middle finger and be like, fuck you.
• 19:06
  SPEAKER_00: And then they can become more extreme.
• 19:08
  SPEAKER_00: No.
• 19:09
  SPEAKER_00: We go in with curiosity and presence.
• 19:12
  SPEAKER_00: We let them know that they're seen and they're not alone.
• 19:16
  SPEAKER_00: And we might just do this for an entire session.
• 19:19
  SPEAKER_00: But it's pretty incredible what can happen just in doing that.
• 19:25
  SPEAKER_00: How the jaw will relax, how the migraine will go away, how the anxiety melts, the nausea clears.
• 19:35
  SPEAKER_00: Just by witnessing a part, letting them know, hey, I I see you.
• 19:42
  SPEAKER_00: I'm here with you.
• 19:44
  SPEAKER_00: You're not alone.
• 19:47
  SPEAKER_00: Is it okay if I sit here with you and just get to know you a little bit?
• 19:52
  SPEAKER_00: Whoa, I mean, that honestly will change your life if you start practicing that.
• 19:57
  SPEAKER_00: You are noticing, you are naming it, you're letting this part of you know it's not alone.
• 20:06
  SPEAKER_00: You're letting it know that you see it, that you hear it.
• 20:09
  SPEAKER_00: And then if you get the yes, like yes, it's okay that you sit with me and get to know me, then you can get to what do you need right now?
• 20:18
  SPEAKER_00: And it's amazing when parts start to trust you.
• 20:22
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes this is immediately, sometimes it takes a couple of sessions, but typically in my sessions, it's very quick.
• 20:29
  SPEAKER_00: Parts are so ready to give you information.
• 20:32
  SPEAKER_00: They're so ready to connect with you.
• 20:35
  SPEAKER_00: And everything starts changing.
• 20:38
  SPEAKER_00: What parts want is to have you continue to check in.
• 20:41
  SPEAKER_00: The more they trust you, the more they can do what we call unblend, which is give you space.
• 20:47
  SPEAKER_00: Step back so that you're more self-led and less parts-led, less led by the firefighters and the managers.
• 20:56
  SPEAKER_00: And then when that happens, those parts relax, the protectors relax, and then the exile can release its pain, its aloneness, its sadness, its shame.
• 21:08
  SPEAKER_00: We call that unburdening, and it is so beautiful.
• 21:13
  SPEAKER_00: And then what I'll often do when I'm working with people for a series of sessions is we will at the end of a session do a psych K balance.
• 21:24
  SPEAKER_00: Psych K is the process that I am trained in to work with the subconscious mind.
• 21:29
  SPEAKER_00: It is very simple, very quick, very gentle and loving.
• 21:34
  SPEAKER_00: We might transform some subconscious stress around what a part has experienced.
• 21:40
  SPEAKER_00: And we might even create a new program.
• 21:43
  SPEAKER_00: Very powerful, big, deep work that happens quickly, which is why I'm obsessed with these processes.
• 21:51
  SPEAKER_00: In all of my years as a really successful practitioner, these two things are what help people move forward.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_00: Right now, behaviors, patterns, beliefs, perceptions that maybe you've tried to work with in 20 years of talk therapy.
• 22:08
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you've tried to mindset your way out of something.
• 22:12
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe it works temporarily, but then you fall back in to old ways, self-sabotaging patterns because your protectors are still running the show.
• 22:23
  SPEAKER_00: All right.
• 22:26
  SPEAKER_00: IFS gives to create the conditions for the exile to be accessed, but it's not updating, not in the way that subconscious reprogramming can update.
• 22:51
  SPEAKER_00: And when that happens, your brain is relaxed.
• 22:54
  SPEAKER_00: When it's relaxed in that state, it's more malleable and impressionable.
• 22:59
  SPEAKER_00: This is where your brain gets too peacefully and attached from a stress or trauma, a trigger, past, present, or future, and just go in a new direction.
• 23:08
  SPEAKER_00: You might remember, oh yeah, that shitty thing happened.
• 23:13
  SPEAKER_00: But it doesn't have the hook in you.
• 23:14
  SPEAKER_00: It doesn't create the nausea, the anxiety, the trigger, the panic.
• 23:18
  SPEAKER_00: You're just like, oh yeah, that sucked badly.
• 23:21
  SPEAKER_00: And you move on.
• 23:24
  SPEAKER_00: It's very subtle and very powerful.
• 23:27
  SPEAKER_00: We also get to create new programs, which is why Psyche K is special.
• 23:32
  SPEAKER_00: In other ways of working with the subconscious, perhaps EMDR or hypnotherapy or tapping or emotion code, you get to release things.
• 23:41
  SPEAKER_00: In Psyche K, though, you get to release things, go in a new direction, you also get to reprogram, which is very powerful, very special.
• 23:50
  SPEAKER_00: So imagine for the exile who has felt alone.
• 23:54
  SPEAKER_00: Their beliefs might be, I am alone.
• 24:05
  SPEAKER_00: And then we keep creating our lives from this place in relationships or in work or in social situations.
• 24:13
  SPEAKER_00: Shows up in every aspect of our life.
• 24:16
  SPEAKER_00: When we get to create new programs, these are literally like new perceptions that you're going to see the world through and so that you can have the experience from.
• 24:26
  SPEAKER_00: If the programs do not exist in your subconscious mind, they will not happen, no matter how much you try to talk yourself into something.
• 24:34
  SPEAKER_00: Imagine creating the subconscious program so that you just are this without trying.
• 24:40
  SPEAKER_00: I am held.
• 24:41
  SPEAKER_00: I deserve to be cared for exactly as I am.
• 24:45
  SPEAKER_00: I am surrounded by love and beauty.
• 24:52
  SPEAKER_00: Connection is available to me fully.
• 24:54
  SPEAKER_00: It's safe for me to be who I am.
• 24:58
  SPEAKER_00: It's safe for me to feel all of this.
• 25:01
  SPEAKER_00: I can trust myself.
• 25:04
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, those alone, they're going to change your entire life.
• 25:08
  SPEAKER_00: In ordinary waking consciousness, those statements, they often feel aspirational or hollow because the subconscious is still running the opposite underneath.
• 25:18
  SPEAKER_00: In a whole brain state, once we get to that balance in Psyche K, the exiles, subconscious programs get updated at the neurological level where the original program imprinted.
• 25:34
  SPEAKER_00: We get to update that.
• 25:36
  SPEAKER_00: It is amazing.
• 25:38
  SPEAKER_00: What changes is not just a thought, it's a baseline.
• 25:41
  SPEAKER_00: Your nervous system feels it.
• 25:42
  SPEAKER_00: The protectors have less to protect against.
• 25:45
  SPEAKER_00: And the exile, the younger part who concluded in a moment or season, or a whole childhood, or an entire lifetime that he or she was alone in this begins to have a different experience.
• 25:58
  SPEAKER_00: Not because the past changed, because the program that made the past into a permanent present has finally been updated.
• 26:06
  SPEAKER_00: She's not alone.
• 26:08
  SPEAKER_00: He is not alone.
• 26:10
  SPEAKER_00: And the system is finally learning to live from the truth of right now instead of the old one.
• 26:17
  SPEAKER_00: So let's go into a practice.
• 26:19
  SPEAKER_00: We get to integrate what I just shared with you.
• 26:24
  SPEAKER_00: A practice for the parts of you that listened to this podcast and showed up.
• 26:32
  SPEAKER_00: They're present with you right now.
• 26:35
  SPEAKER_00: So let's take a couple breaths and feel free to close your eyes and put a hand on your heart or your belly.
• 26:58
  SPEAKER_00: Just listen to my voice and take some breaths.
• 27:07
  SPEAKER_00: I see you in everything we just talked about.
• 27:10
  SPEAKER_00: I really see you.
• 27:11
  SPEAKER_00: And I understand.
• 27:13
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm reflecting this to your system right now, even in a recording.
• 27:18
  SPEAKER_00: So just let that be received as much as you can.
• 27:25
  SPEAKER_00: And just start to notice what you notice, okay?
• 27:28
  SPEAKER_00: Like whatever was activated while listening to this.
• 27:31
  SPEAKER_00: Where do you sense that in your body or around you?
• 27:43
  SPEAKER_00: So you're noticing.
• 27:50
  SPEAKER_00: And then pick if there are multiple places or experiences or feelings or thoughts, pick one.
• 27:58
  SPEAKER_00: Pick one that is either the loudest or that you're the most curious about.
• 28:12
  SPEAKER_00: And if there are other parts present, just ask.
• 28:16
  SPEAKER_00: It's okay that they give you a little space so that you can focus on this one part and get to know it.
• 28:26
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes those parts, if they're present, they give you like a little step back or they go into another room to hang out.
• 28:35
  SPEAKER_00: And I just want to thank those parts of you, if they are present, thank you for giving us space so we can get to know this part that is really, really needing attention.
• 28:51
  SPEAKER_00: All right, and if you have a sense of presence, your breath even, curiosity, openness.
• 29:02
  SPEAKER_00: I want you to extend it to this part of you.
• 29:13
  SPEAKER_00: And ask it if it's okay that you hang out for a minute.
• 29:18
  SPEAKER_00: Letting it know that you see it, you feel that tension.
• 29:24
  SPEAKER_00: You sense the sadness.
• 29:27
  SPEAKER_00: Whatever it is.
• 29:29
  SPEAKER_00: Let it know that you you see it and you feel it.
• 29:36
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you hear it.
• 29:37
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have to see it or feel it.
• 29:40
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you hear it.
• 29:43
  SPEAKER_00: Just let it know.
• 29:44
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, I sense you.
• 29:47
  SPEAKER_00: And let it know I'm right here with you.
• 29:50
  SPEAKER_00: Is it okay if I hang out for a minute with you?
• 29:55
  SPEAKER_00: And continue to breathe and send your breath through your body into this part.
• 30:00
  SPEAKER_00: However, it's showing up.
• 30:03
  SPEAKER_00: You're practicing extending presence and openness.
• 30:07
  SPEAKER_00: This is very powerful.
• 30:09
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes parts have never had that from us.
• 30:18
  SPEAKER_00: This is also you cultivating your self-energy.
• 30:21
  SPEAKER_00: You want to keep growing that when it's available.
• 30:25
  SPEAKER_00: Connecting to the part of you that's wise and loving, curious, present, open, playful.
• 30:32
  SPEAKER_00: Any of those things that are available, extend that to this part of you.
• 30:40
  SPEAKER_00: And it might be a protector part.
• 30:44
  SPEAKER_00: It might even be the exile.
• 30:50
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe your protector parts gave you a little space.
• 30:55
  SPEAKER_00: It doesn't matter.
• 30:56
  SPEAKER_00: Whatever part is with you right now, you are present, you're breathing, you're letting it know that you're right here with it, and that you sense it.
• 31:07
  SPEAKER_00: And that you'd love to get to know it a little bit.
• 31:19
  SPEAKER_00: And this might be all that you do, and I want you to know that this is more than enough.
• 31:24
  SPEAKER_00: You in your self-energy extending any qualities of your self-energy to this part.
• 31:32
  SPEAKER_00: Huge.
• 31:34
  SPEAKER_00: Okay?
• 31:35
  SPEAKER_00: No small thing.
• 31:39
  SPEAKER_00: Remembering that any part that is showing up, it's not bad.
• 31:45
  SPEAKER_00: It went into its role, maybe at a very, very, very young age, just to survive.
• 31:56
  SPEAKER_00: And that might activate some compassion within you.
• 32:00
  SPEAKER_00: So extend that compassion.
• 32:02
  SPEAKER_00: Like really feel that compassion.
• 32:06
  SPEAKER_00: Like what if it's a three-year-old, four-year-old, five-year-old, maybe a baby, maybe it's a middle schooler.
• 32:16
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe it was just you last month.
• 32:19
  SPEAKER_00: But extending that compassion to this part of you.
• 32:25
  SPEAKER_00: Letting it know it's not alone.
• 32:27
  SPEAKER_00: You're right here in your self-energy.
• 32:31
  SPEAKER_00: Just wanting to be with it.
• 32:33
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, and that is more than enough.
• 32:39
  SPEAKER_00: But you could also ask it, is there anything you want me to know?
• 32:47
  SPEAKER_00: And like really take your time here because it might tell you something very profound.
• 32:57
  SPEAKER_00: So you really want to slow it down.
• 32:59
  SPEAKER_00: IFS, we slow down.
• 33:01
  SPEAKER_00: When we slow down, parts feel safe.
• 33:05
  SPEAKER_00: You're not forcing anything.
• 33:07
  SPEAKER_00: Parts do not like it when we go in with an agenda.
• 33:10
  SPEAKER_00: They like it when they feel our self-energy.
• 33:16
  SPEAKER_00: When we ask permission to be with them.
• 33:20
  SPEAKER_00: And when we let them know that they're not alone and we're with them, no matter how they are.
• 33:25
  SPEAKER_00: Hey, I feel you, I hear you, I see you.
• 33:29
  SPEAKER_00: Or just I'm here with you.
• 33:32
  SPEAKER_00: And you breathe.
• 33:36
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you ask it if there's anything it wants you to know or show you.
• 33:41
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe it shows you, maybe it tells you.
• 33:48
  SPEAKER_00: And please feel free to pause this recording.
• 33:53
  SPEAKER_00: Because you might linger here for several minutes.
• 33:57
  SPEAKER_00: You might fall asleep.
• 34:01
  SPEAKER_00: This is a practice that you can do literally all day long.
• 34:07
  SPEAKER_00: But even if you did it every day, the part it will get to know you.
• 34:12
  SPEAKER_00: It will get to trust you.
• 34:16
  SPEAKER_00: And this is the work.
• 34:19
  SPEAKER_00: This is the deep, deep, deep work.
• 34:26
  SPEAKER_00: And the next step could be, what do you need right now?
• 34:33
  SPEAKER_00: And again, it might tell you right away.
• 34:38
  SPEAKER_00: Or it might not tell you anything.
• 34:40
  SPEAKER_00: And that's okay.
• 34:41
  SPEAKER_00: You are just practicing getting in relationship with your part.
• 34:44
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 34:44
  SPEAKER_00: No agenda.
• 34:46
  SPEAKER_00: No hurry.
• 34:48
  SPEAKER_00: But when parts feel your self-energy, they are often amazing at showing you all kinds of very enlightening things.
• 34:59
  SPEAKER_00: And just know that parts might show up as a three-year-old, or they might show up as a cartoon character, or an animal, or light, or fog, or smoke, or a variety of things.
• 35:14
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes this work is psychedelic.
• 35:17
  SPEAKER_00: People get to places in this work that other people take plant medicine to get to, okay.
• 35:27
  SPEAKER_00: So this is the process.
• 35:30
  SPEAKER_00: You can always thank your parts for one letting you be with them.
• 35:38
  SPEAKER_00: For two for surviving.
• 35:41
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for all the work that you've done.
• 35:45
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for everything that you've done.
• 35:47
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for all the responsibility.
• 35:49
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for making things happen.
• 35:51
  SPEAKER_00: Whatever it is.
• 35:53
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe just thank you.
• 35:55
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for surviving.
• 35:57
  SPEAKER_00: And your parts might have a very big reaction to that.
• 36:00
  SPEAKER_00: They might cry.
• 36:01
  SPEAKER_00: They might look at you like, what the heck?
• 36:07
  SPEAKER_00: It validated, and that's very powerful.
• 36:10
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 36:11
  SPEAKER_00: It's big medicine.
• 36:16
  SPEAKER_00: You can ask them what they want you to know.
• 36:19
  SPEAKER_00: Anything they want to show you.
• 36:22
  SPEAKER_00: And then you can ask them what they need.
• 36:25
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, this is amazing practice right here.
• 36:28
  SPEAKER_00: Again, thanking all of your other parts for giving you space so that you could be with this part of you.
• 36:40
  SPEAKER_00: That's more than enough.
• 36:41
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so you can work with that one.
• 36:44
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you so much for being here.
• 36:47
  SPEAKER_00: Every solo episode, we will explore a part in your system and we'll always end with an integration practice after we talk about where the part came from and what subconscious program this part deals with.
• 37:08
  SPEAKER_00: If you are wanting more, there is a free workbook on my website.
• 37:14
  SPEAKER_00: If you like reflecting, if you write journal prompts, if you like inward exploration, it's a beautiful workbook.
• 37:21
  SPEAKER_00: Probably take you about 20 minutes.
• 37:23
  SPEAKER_00: You can also schedule a free discovery call, a clarity call.
• 37:27
  SPEAKER_00: Do you want more of this work?
• 37:30
  SPEAKER_00: You can find that on my website.
• 37:32
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for being here.
• 37:33
  SPEAKER_00: I'll see you next time.
• 37:36
  SPEAKER_00: That's a wrap on today's episode of Stories from the Lost and Found.
• 37:40
  SPEAKER_00: If something here resonated with you, the best thing you can do is share it.
• 37:43
  SPEAKER_00: Send this to someone who really needs to hear it.
• 37:45
  SPEAKER_00: And if you are ready to go deeper, I would love to support you.
• 37:48
  SPEAKER_00: Download my free workbook that walks you through your own subconscious blocks.
• 37:52
  SPEAKER_00: You can find that link in the show notes.
• 37:54
  SPEAKER_00: Or if you're ready for a real shift, book a free strategy call and let's figure out what is keeping you from moving forward.
• 38:01
  SPEAKER_00: I'll see you next week.
• 38:02
  SPEAKER_00: Your next breakthrough is closer than you think.