Latest / Brooke and Jeffrey: Phone Taps / Phone Tap PODCAST: Barista is Better Than Me

Transcript

Phone Tap PODCAST: Barista is Better Than Me · Brooke and Jeffrey: Phone Taps

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: This week at the Parlor Live Comedy Club from Money
• 0:03
  Speaker 1: from Strangers Jeff Die June nineteenth through the twenty first.
• 0:06
  Speaker 1: Tickets are available at Parlor Live dot com or call
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: four two five two eight nine seven thousand. It's another
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: twenty right, So how can I help you? Yes, I'd
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: like to lodge a complaint please. Okay? What can I
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: do for you? Well? I was in there the other
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: day and I ordered a vanilla latte, okay, and I
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: noticed that you spelled my name wrong on the cup. Um, wow, okay,
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: I'm sorry about that. Wow. Okay, what is the wow for?
• 0:44
  Speaker 1: I'm sorry you said wow okay, like as if my
• 0:47
  Speaker 1: complaint wasn't a valid one. Um. No, I'm sorry that
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: happened to you. It, sir, sounds like it you butchered
• 0:59
  Speaker 1: my name. And I haven't even brought up the fact
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: about the eye contact. I'm sorry. What about the eye contact?
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: The fact that you didn't give me a fair amount
• 1:08
  Speaker 1: of eye contact when I was ordering? Okay? Do you
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: realize how disrespectful that is? I felt so disrespected, sir, Listen,
• 1:18
  Speaker 1: I am sorry you feel like you didn't get enough
• 1:20
  Speaker 1: eye contact when delivered your coffee? You know, I am
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: tired of all of you barista's thinking you're better than me.
• 1:27
  Speaker 1: Sick and tired of it. I don't think anyone thinks
• 1:29
  Speaker 1: that they're better than you. Oh yeah, sure, it's because
• 1:32
  Speaker 1: you're there brewing coffee, you have a fancy Italian name
• 1:35
  Speaker 1: for your job title, and then you look down on
• 1:37
  Speaker 1: me when I come in to order a coffee. Sir,
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: I have no idea where this is coming from, or frankly,
• 1:42
  Speaker 1: what you're talking about. I already offer you, you know,
• 1:45
  Speaker 1: as the opportunity to tell me what I could do
• 1:47
  Speaker 1: to make it better. For what kind of car do
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: you drive? What? What kind of car do you drive?
• 1:51
  Speaker 1: If you're so much better than me? What your business?
• 1:55
  Speaker 1: I drive a two thousand and twelve Mas to six. Okay,
• 2:00
  Speaker 1: whoop you do? Well? Do you drive something better? Is
• 2:02
  Speaker 1: that why you're saying whooped to do? I am not
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: telling you what kind of car I drive. I don't
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: even know what you're talking about. I just want to
• 2:09
  Speaker 1: know what I'm talking about. What I'm talking about is
• 2:11
  Speaker 1: that you clearly feel that you're a better person than
• 2:14
  Speaker 1: I am. I do, and I feel like I'm a
• 2:16
  Speaker 1: better person to you. I think this is coming out
• 2:18
  Speaker 1: of nowhere, and I just want to know what I
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: can do. So do you feel better? And we can
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: wrap this up. The genes I'm wearing right now cost
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: me eighty five dollars. How much are the genes your
• 2:28
  Speaker 1: genes costs? Well? They cost well, they cost well, they
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: cost eighty five dollars. How much are the genes you
• 2:36
  Speaker 1: have cost eighty five dollars? Ridiculous? I don't care about
• 2:40
  Speaker 1: the genes. All I want to know is what we
• 2:42
  Speaker 1: can do to make this go away. I'll tell you
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: exactly what you can do the next time I come
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: to you, The next time I come to your coffee stand.
• 2:50
  Speaker 1: I want to be treated with respect, Okay, the respect
• 2:54
  Speaker 1: that someone who drives a twenty and twelve miles to
• 2:56
  Speaker 1: six and wears eighty five dollars jeans deserves. Just get
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: to it. I mean, how can I show you respect
• 3:03
  Speaker 1: when you come here? What's it gonna take the next
• 3:05
  Speaker 1: time I come there to get a latte? The next
• 3:06
  Speaker 1: time I come there to get a latte, you will
• 3:08
  Speaker 1: bow to me? What bowing? In some cultures it's a
• 3:15
  Speaker 1: sign of respect. Oh my gosh, And that's what I
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: want you to do. Okay. There, there's a couple of
• 3:22
  Speaker 1: things I need to say to you. One, I have
• 3:24
  Speaker 1: to go because I'm working. And also, I just want
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: you to know that I will never bow. You would
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: be a cold dan. Help before that happens. Okay, you
• 3:31
  Speaker 1: will bow to me, and you will refer to me
• 3:33
  Speaker 1: by my right name. That's wrong with you. I am
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: not going to bow to you. I cannot stand people
• 3:39
  Speaker 1: like you. Okay, I'm sick of it. You come in
• 3:41
  Speaker 1: here and you think you can boss me around. You've
• 3:43
  Speaker 1: taken up how much time have we had for this
• 3:45
  Speaker 1: conversation about your jeans in your car and in the
• 3:49
  Speaker 1: spelling of your name. It's like, you know what, this
• 3:52
  Speaker 1: is a real job. I make coffee and that's it,
• 3:55
  Speaker 1: and talk about you think people are treating you poorly?
• 3:57
  Speaker 1: What is this about? Well if you were, if you
• 4:00
  Speaker 1: were just to realize that this is Jewbil from Moving
• 4:03
  Speaker 1: ninety two point five, then things would be a lot better.
• 4:07
  Speaker 1: If you could just walking about if I just realized
• 4:10
  Speaker 1: what this is actually Jewel from Brook and Jewil in
• 4:12
  Speaker 1: the morning, I'm moving ninety two point five doing a
• 4:14
  Speaker 1: phone tap on you. Are you serious? Yeah? Your friend
• 4:19
  Speaker 1: Christie set you up. She says that you have to
• 4:21
  Speaker 1: deal with idiot customer complaints all the time, I feel
• 4:25
  Speaker 1: like start going crazy. Seriously though, cos I've ever had
• 4:31
  Speaker 1: I feel like you don't respect me enough for the
• 4:33
  Speaker 1: type of jeans that I'm wearing. If I ever do
• 4:35
  Speaker 1: that again, I'm gonna started shaking. Wake up every morning
• 4:40
  Speaker 1: with Jubilon Tap weekday mornings on the two point five show.
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: I'm the world's cap tumbling down in the city that
• 5:05
  Speaker 1: we lie, Great clouds all over the hills bringing darkness
• 5:12
  Speaker 1: from the bar. But if you close your eyes, doesn't
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: must feel like now? Thing change? If you go your eye,
• 5:26
  Speaker 1: does it feel like it? Me him before? How I'm
• 5:33
  Speaker 1: gonna be up to mister Vlin. How am I gonna
• 5:37
  Speaker 1: meet it up to mister We