Latest / Ay Mijita ✨ Embrace your raíces. Reclaim your esencia. / The Guilt of Choosing Yourself

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The Guilt of Choosing Yourself · Ay Mijita ✨ Embrace your raíces. Reclaim your esencia.

0:12
Dora: I'm I ask you something.
0:16
Dora: Have you ever finally decided to do something for yourself?
0:23
Dora: And instead of feeling happy or excited or relieved, you actually felt guilty.
0:31
Dora: Like you finally say no to something because you're exhausted.
0:38
Dora: You finally decide to rest, to sit on the on the couch, do nothing.
0:44
Dora: You make plans with your girlfriends, you book that trip that you've been waiting for and saving up for and you want it and want been wanting to take, or maybe you simply decide that you're not available to solve everyone else's problems today.
1:00
Dora: And then what happens?
1:04
Dora: Can you just think about it?
1:06
Dora: Your mind starts to swirl around and it starts going millions miles per minute.
1:12
Dora: And should I really be doing this?
1:15
Dora: What about everything I still have to finish, like my to-do list?
1:18
Dora: What if somebody needs me?
1:21
Dora: What if they think I'm being selfish?
1:24
Dora: And before you know it, you're not even enjoying the thing that you chose for yourself.
1:32
Dora: You're in this little hamster wheel.
1:35
Dora: And I do mean, why do we do this?
1:41
Dora: Because here's something I've been learning.
1:45
Dora: Sometimes the hardest part of choosing yourself isn't making the decision.
1:53
Dora: No, it's not, it's allowing yourself to enjoy that decision without feeling the guilt about it.
2:04
Dora: And that's what I want to talk to you about today because it's so important.
2:09
Dora: And because in our last conversation episode, we talked about listening to our bodies, recognizing our needs, and paying attention before life reaches a breaking point.
2:23
Dora: But what happens when you actually recognize what you need and you still feel guilty for giving it to yourself?
2:34
Dora: Like that's where we want to have that conversation in that intersection.
2:39
Dora: So let's go ahead and get into it.
2:41
Dora: So grab your cafecito, your agua, whatever it is, your tea, a beverage of choice, and let's hop into today's episode.
2:58
Dora: Welcome back to I'm hijita, the podcast where we embrace our raíces, reclaim our essencia, and we create a life with infinite possibilities.
3:09
Dora: So I'm your host, Doralicia Praxedis, yours truly, and today we're talking about something I know so many of us have experienced, and that guilt of choosing yourself.
3:26
Dora: And I want to be clear.
3:28
Dora: And I want to be very clear about something from the beginning.
3:32
Dora: Okay.
3:32
Dora: I'm not talking about abandoning yourself or your responsibilities.
3:37
Dora: I'm not talking about ignoring the people you love or all around you.
3:43
Dora: And I'm definitely not saying that you should always have to do whatever you want without considering like everyone else or the circumstances you're living in, because that's not how life real life really works.
3:58
Dora: We have families, we have jobs, I mean, we have so many relationships that we have to keep track of, texts, emails, things to get to.
4:07
Dora: We have that responsibilities that generally matter.
4:11
Dora: But here's a question I want us to explore a little bit.
4:15
Dora: Okay.
4:16
Dora: Why does taking care of ourselves sometimes feel like you're just you're doing something wrong?
4:24
Dora: Like you feel so guilty.
4:26
Dora: Like, why?
4:35
Dora: You know, for so much of my life, I've been the dependable one, the one that everybody goes to.
4:42
Dora: Maybe you know exactly what I'm talking about.
4:46
Dora: Because the person people call um when they need something.
4:51
Dora: Like everybody gravitates towards you because you can figure out, you can figure shit out.
4:55
Dora: The one who can manage the calendar, the appointments, the responsibilities, the family stuff, and all other things, and getting everybody on the same page.
5:05
Dora: And so everything just seems to happen at the same time.
5:08
Dora: And don't get me wrong, I love being the center of attention.
5:11
Dora: I love my family, and I love being involved in all the cheese may under lives, and I love my career, I love my coworkers, and I love creating things, learning, growing, and having these new experiences and collaborations.
5:24
Dora: And I'm somebody who genuinely enjoys doing a lot of different things.
5:29
Dora: Every day is so different for me, but I've also had to recognize something about myself.
5:35
Dora: Sometimes being capable makes it very easy to become overcommitted.
5:40
Dora: Like I override myself sometimes.
5:43
Dora: Because when people know you can handle something, they might assume you have the capacity to handle one more thing.
5:50
Dora: And that might not always be true.
5:53
Dora: And sometimes we make that assumption about ourselves too.
5:57
Dora: Like, not gonna joke, like I'm always packed and love to be busy.
6:02
Dora: We think, well, I've done all this before, why not?
6:04
Dora: Let's keep doing it.
6:06
Dora: What's one more thing, anyway?
6:08
Dora: And then one more thing becomes five more things, and then we gotta do the laundry and then run a meeting, or and suddenly you're just wondering why you're so tired, like depleted, sitting on the couch, falling asleep.
6:21
Dora: I spent years navigating my corporate career, raising my children, being the wifey, showing up for my family, and building the things I'm very, very passionate about.
6:31
Dora: And I don't want to give up any of those things because that's so important to me.
6:36
Dora: My goal isn't to create a life where I have to choose between having dreams and having a relationship or having that night out with my girlfriends.
6:46
Dora: I want everything.
6:47
Dora: I want both of those things.
6:49
Dora: I want a fulfilling career and I want meaningful relationships too.
6:53
Dora: I want to be present with my family, um, be there for dinner.
6:57
Dora: I want to travel and especially with my girlfriends.
7:00
Dora: I want to create and creating this podcast, and I want to enjoy my life too.
7:04
Dora: But I've had to ask myself like some serious questions.
7:08
Dora: Like, where do I own, where do my own needs fit into all of this?
7:13
Dora: And sometimes when you're so used to being that responsible one for everyone else, making the space for yourself, it can feel unfamiliar.
7:22
Dora: It can feel like uncomfortable.
7:24
Dora: Like, why do I have to do this?
7:26
Dora: Because you've built an identity around being that person who takes care of all things, everything.
7:33
Dora: So, who are you when you need someone else to take care of something?
7:38
Dora: Who are you when you need rest?
7:42
Dora: Who are you when you don't have the answer to everything?
7:45
Dora: I mean, I know there's Google, but I mean, does anybody got you?
7:49
Dora: Where are you when you have to say, I can't do that right now?
7:53
Dora: Like, there are not always easy, those are not easy questions all the time.
7:58
Dora: And that's where I feel like sometimes I feel overwhelmed and definitely overcommitted because I put stuff on my calendar and I run from one place to another and I'm always on time.
8:09
Dora: Okay, I might be five minutes late.
8:11
Dora: I've discovered, especially when I went to my Club Pilates class not so long ago, I was seven minutes late and I was about to walk in the class, and the teacher's like, Nope, you can't come in here.
8:20
Dora: So I'm like, what the heck?
8:22
Dora: But it's like, what do I do with myself when I have that time, that space?
8:26
Dora: Like, do I fill it with other things?
8:28
Dora: And so I went to shopping to Costco and I got some items knocked off my list.
8:33
Dora: And of course, I'm thinking I'm Miss Superwoman, I could do all the things, but definitely it's a wake-up call when you can't even take care of your own needs, or sometimes you don't even have space to ask yourself those questions.
8:48
Dora: Now, I want us to get curious, okay, because guilt doesn't always mean we're doing something wrong.
8:56
Dora: Sometimes guilt can tell us what we've acted against our own values, and we need to take or we need to make something right, okay?
9:05
Dora: But sometimes what we're calling guilt is actually discomfort.
9:10
Dora: Discomfort because we're doing something differently.
9:13
Dora: We're not following the same pattern, okay?
9:15
Dora: Discomfort because somebody might be disappointed, or discomfort because we're challenging an expectation we've carried for years, and we've never really challenged that before.
9:26
Dora: And for those of us who grew up in families or communities where responsibility and sacrifice, and especially showing up for others, were deeply valued.
9:38
Dora: This can be especially complicated.
9:40
Dora: Um, I think about my own Mexican roots and how family is everything.
9:45
Dora: And when I think about my family, it's like do or die.
9:48
Dora: I think about being a daughter and being the eldest.
9:51
Dora: Everything I would give for and sacrifice everything for my siblings, for my fam.
9:55
Dora: And I think about the things that we learn sometimes without anybody ever sitting us down and saying them out loud.
10:02
Dora: We learn by watching, by observing.
10:05
Dora: We see people work hard, we see people make the sacrifices, we see our loved ones and others just put their needs aside to make sure the family has what it needs.
10:15
Dora: And that was my mom for the longest time.
10:17
Dora: I mean, she still does it to this day.
10:18
Dora: And there's so much love in those experiences.
10:22
Dora: There is resilience, there is commitment, um, there's just so much beautiful sense of responsibility towards one another, which I love and I get.
10:32
Dora: And I want to honor that.
10:33
Dora: But I also believe we can ask whether every expectation we've inherited still serves the life we're creating today.
10:41
Dora: Because times have changed, have they not?
10:45
Dora: Maybe the woman and her families didn't always have the freedom, the resources, or the support to choose differently.
10:52
Dora: I know my mom for one, she was trapped in a relationship for the longest time because of financially reasons she couldn't.
10:58
Dora: And maybe they were doing what they needed to do in their circumstances.
11:02
Dora: Maybe honoring them doesn't require us to repeat every sacrifice.
11:07
Dora: Maybe we can appreciate what they carried while also allowing ourselves to create something very different than what they envisioned.
11:17
Dora: Something with more support and being able to communicate better, have that flexibility, not be so rigid, more room for joy and pleasure because who doesn't like those things?
11:27
Dora: And that doesn't mean we love our families less.
11:30
Dora: No, no, no.
11:31
Dora: It means we're learning how to include ourselves in that love.
11:35
Dora: Okay.
11:36
Dora: I also want to recognize that this isn't only a cultural experience.
11:41
Dora: People from so many backgrounds know what it feels like to be the responsible one, okay?
11:48
Dora: To be that caregiver, to be the one who doesn't want to disappoint anybody, which I totally get.
11:56
Dora: To be the one who feels like rest has to be earned.
11:59
Dora: And maybe that's you.
12:01
Dora: Like for me, I feel like I have to earn my PTO like by working hard.
12:05
Dora: So I want to ask: when you feel guilty about choosing yourself, whose expectations are you responding to?
12:13
Dora: Are they expectations somebody has actually communicated to you?
12:18
Dora: Or are they all up in your head?
12:21
Dora: Or are these expectations that you've been carrying time and time again?
12:26
Dora: Because that's the story you've been telling yourself.
12:28
Dora: Because sometimes those are two very different things.
12:39
Dora: Something that changed my perspective was going through my breast cancer.
12:44
Dora: And I've always shared parts of that experience in previous episodes and throughout the last year.
12:50
Dora: But there was a season of my life when I genuinely could not approach everything the way I had before.
12:57
Dora: I needed the medical care, the support.
13:00
Dora: I needed time just to vent and emotionally go through things.
13:04
Dora: I needed the people around me.
13:06
Dora: I needed to learn to accept.
13:08
Dora: And I had to allow myself to receive just those things that I was much more accustomed to giving, like love and like things and catering to.
13:21
Dora: And I can tell you, just receiving support felt so strange to me when you're used to being that helper, the supplier now, because there's that little voice inside your head.
13:31
Dora: I don't want to be, I don't want to inconvenience anyone, I don't want to be, you know, like a burden.
13:36
Dora: I should be able to do this shit by myself.
13:38
Dora: I don't want people worrying about me, or I don't want to cause pity with people.
13:43
Dora: And sometimes, even when people genuinely want to help, you still feel like you're supposed to be doing something in return, like the the barter, right?
13:51
Dora: Like you need to earn this the support you're receiving.
13:54
Dora: And that's not always necessarily true.
13:57
Dora: But I've been learning that receiving support doesn't make me less capable, like it doesn't make me less of a chingona, doesn't make me less independent, and it certainly doesn't mean I'm any less strong, even though like not working out for a while just debilitates your muscles and all.
14:14
Dora: It just means I'm human.
14:15
Dora: I'm somebody who has the needs, just like everyone else.
14:19
Dora: And I want to carry that lesson into life I'm building now.
14:23
Dora: I don't want to wait until I'm overwhelmed or physically unable to keep going before I decide that I deserve rest.
14:31
Dora: I don't want to wait until Christmas break just to get the rest.
14:33
Dora: I want to make every decision from a place of obligation.
14:36
Dora: Um, I don't want to be intentional.
14:39
Dora: And that means sometimes I have to make choices that feel different from what I'm so used to doing time and time again.
14:47
Dora: Even when those choices are good for me and maybe not good for everybody else.
14:52
Dora: So that's where I really meditate with myself.
14:55
Dora: That what are my boundaries?
14:56
Dora: What am I here to do?
14:58
Dora: What do I enjoy?
15:01
Dora: And receiving has been definitely one of the biggest, biggest, biggest things because I would often think that I needed to feel a certain way in order to receive.
15:10
Dora: Like not being able to walk for a few weeks or being able to get out of the recliner by myself and having my husband, like worse than a newborn child, kind of going through those motions of getting me out helping me out of the recliner or making food when I'm so used to just doing it myself, wiping my butt.
15:28
Dora: That's the other one.
15:29
Dora: I mean, food and butt in the same sentence.
15:30
Dora: Goodness.
15:31
Dora: Um, yeah.
15:32
Dora: So those are the things that just learning to receive that support when when needed.
15:38
Dora: And again, you don't have to wait until you're like debilitated just to do those things.
15:51
Dora: Here's something I really want you to hear.
15:55
Dora: Choosing yourself doesn't automatically mean you're choosing against someone else.
16:04
Dora: We sometimes treat our decisions like there's only one way out of this, or only one possible outcome.
16:11
Dora: Either I'm a good mom or I make time for myself, like one or the other.
16:16
Dora: Either I'm a devoted partner or I do something on my own.
16:20
Dora: So the one or the other, right?
16:23
Dora: So another one is either I'm responsible at work or I establish boundaries.
16:28
Dora: Either I care about my family or I say no, like hell no.
16:32
Dora: But real life is more complicated than that.
16:35
Dora: Okay, just two things can be true at the same time.
16:38
Dora: They can coexist.
16:39
Dora: We can love being a parent and still want that time away from parenting responsibilities and adulting, to be honest.
16:46
Dora: We sometimes even want to drink, right?
16:48
Dora: You can love your spouse and you still have time with your friends.
16:52
Dora: Um, you can also enjoy your work and still need to close that laptop because, hey, we got to get to the next thing.
16:59
Dora: You can care deeply about somebody and still not have the capacity to solve their problems today or at that point in time.
17:06
Dora: And sometimes making those choices involve real trade-offs.
17:11
Dora: Maybe you have to rearrange um the schedule, like put stuff on your calendar, block yourself out.
17:17
Dora: Maybe you have to ask your partner to take something on and delegate that more often.
17:21
Dora: Maybe the thing you want isn't possible this weekend, but you can make a plan for another time and reschedule and put it on the calendar.
17:30
Dora: Maybe you have to acknowledge that you simply don't have the resources right now to do those things that you want to do.
17:37
Dora: That doesn't mean you failed at choosing yourself.
17:42
Dora: It means you're making decisions within the reality of your life and you're honoring those things.
17:49
Dora: And I can think that's an important distinction because I don't want us using self-care as another reason to criticize ourselves.
17:57
Dora: We do that often enough, every single day.
17:59
Dora: Like, oh my gosh, now I feel guilty because I'm not taking enough time for myself.
18:05
Dora: No.
18:06
Dora: Okay, let's pause right there.
18:08
Dora: We do not need another thing to feel bad about.
18:11
Dora: Okay, we already beat ourselves up enough.
18:14
Dora: The goal isn't perfection, the goal is becoming more honest about what matters, what we need, and what is realistically possible.
18:28
Dora: My favorite, let's talk about saying no.
18:31
Dora: Because sometimes you finally get the courage to say it.
18:34
Dora: You say, I can't make it, or I don't have the capacity to take that on.
18:41
Dora: Or one of my other favorites, I need some time to think about it.
18:44
Dora: And then you spend the next three hours festering and wondering whether you should take it back.
18:51
Dora: And no, there are no take backs.
18:53
Dora: Has that ever happened to you?
18:58
Dora: You replay the conversation in your head.
19:01
Dora: You wonder if they sounded disappointed or if they were, you know, thinking of you a certain way.
19:06
Dora: You start drafting a whole explanation in your mind, like what do I gotta say, and how do I remediate it?
19:12
Dora: And maybe you even think about changing your plans so you don't feel you like you don't feel uncomfortable.
19:18
Dora: And here's something I've been practicing.
19:21
Dora: Before I rush to fix that feeling, I can ask myself this, honestly.
19:27
Dora: Did I actually do something harmful?
19:30
Dora: Hmm?
19:31
Dora: Did I break that agreement that I need to address?
19:34
Dora: Or am I simply just sitting with this uncomfortable feeling because I made a choice that honored my capacity?
19:42
Dora: Because those situations are different.
19:45
Dora: They're super different.
19:47
Dora: Like I've if I've made a mistake or neglected an important responsibility, I could totally acknowledge it and make things right, right?
19:55
Dora: Remediate.
19:56
Dora: But if I've communicated respectfully and made a reasonable decision, I may not need to do undo it just because somebody feels a certain way or they feel disappointed.
20:08
Dora: And that's not always easy, especially for oneself, if you really care.
20:13
Dora: That's because you were very conscious, okay?
20:16
Dora: I know.
20:16
Dora: Especially when you spent years wanting everybody to be okay, have the peace.
20:22
Dora: But we are not responsible for making sure everyone else is sure of their experiences, especially when it comes to disappointment.
20:30
Dora: We are responsible for how we communicate and how we honor our commitments and how we treat people, because it's also how you deliver the message.
20:39
Dora: And sometimes we have to let that be enough.
20:43
Dora: Okay.
20:43
Dora: So when you convey your boundaries and you convey where where you're at, and you're not doing anything wrong.
20:50
Dora: Communication is key.
20:51
Dora: I'd rather have over-communication than no communication whatsoever.
20:55
Dora: So that's where just being honest with yourself and having that conviction that it's like, hey, let me think about this, or doesn't feel right to me.
21:07
Dora: Um, or um, how's that going for you?
21:09
Dora: kind of thing.
21:10
Dora: You know, it's like playing that kind of what what is your tone, what is your method to what feels right for you.
21:17
Dora: And again, these are all suggestions.
21:19
Dora: Um, obviously, it's very different when you say, no, I don't got time for that, versus, oh, let me think about it.
21:25
Dora: I I might may not have time for it, or let me see my agenda, let me see my schedule, um, or I'll get back to you, right?
21:31
Dora: It just depends on how you say it.
21:33
Dora: It depends on the tone.
21:34
Dora: And I didn't know this back in the day when I was going to college, um, 75% of it was nonverbal, 25% was verbal, like how you say it.
21:43
Dora: Now it's 95% is nonverbal, so it depends.
21:46
Dora: And if you're watching me on video, it's like, oh, I feel so happy, versus I feel so happy.
21:52
Dora: Like, see how there's a very different take to that.
21:55
Dora: So it just depends also on the delivery, on what you're trying to convey.
22:02
Dora: Now I want to bring this back to something we've been exploring together.
22:07
Dora: And it's my favorite my pause method.
22:10
Dora: If you've been listening to the last couple of episodes, you know that pause stands for P is for pause, acknowledge, understand, self-care, and express gratitude.
22:26
Dora: And I want to show you how we can use um you can use this when you feel guilty about choosing ourselves.
22:34
Dora: So let's imagine something very simple.
22:37
Dora: Okay, you've had a long week and you've been working super hard, getting that money, working it, working it, working, taking care of your responsibilities, doing all the things, and somebody asks you to take on something else this weekend.
22:54
Dora: But you know you're exhausted and you're tired and you really need some rest, like sleep, especially if you worked really long hours or you were went to sleep really late at night.
23:04
Dora: And your first instinct is to say, yes, I got you.
23:07
Dora: But because that's what you usually do, let's practice with pause.
23:11
Dora: Okay.
23:11
Dora: So P is for pause before automatically saying yes, give yourself a moment.
23:18
Dora: You don't have to respond immediately.
23:20
Dora: You can say, let me check my schedule and get back to you.
23:24
Dora: That's it.
23:25
Dora: Voila! You just give yourself space to think.
23:29
Dora: All right.
23:30
Dora: Now A is for acknowledge.
23:32
Dora: What am I actually feeling?
23:35
Dora: Maybe I'm tired, maybe I'm overwhelmed, maybe I'm excited for that, or maybe I don't want to disappoint this person.
23:45
Dora: Like deep down inside you, that's what's coming up.
23:48
Dora: Maybe I feel guilty because I'm choosing rest over another responsibility, and you get this like, ooh, in your gut, and you just acknowledge it.
23:55
Dora: You don't have to judge yourself for feeling that way.
23:58
Dora: Okay, so now you is for understand.
24:01
Dora: Now we're getting curious.
24:02
Dora: Why does saying no feel so uncomfortable?
24:06
Dora: Is this something I genuinely need to do?
24:10
Dora: Is this something I've already committed to?
24:13
Dora: Am I breaking a pinky promise because I need to do this?
24:17
Dora: Am I afraid this person will think differently of me?
24:21
Dora: Or am I telling myself that my needs should come last in the bot in the bottom of the list?
24:26
Dora: And you may not have every answer, and that's okay.
24:30
Dora: Sometimes understanding begins with simply asking better questions.
24:36
Dora: Now let's move to us, is for self-care.
24:39
Dora: Now let's make room for your actual needs.
24:42
Dora: What would caring for yourself look like in this situation?
24:46
Dora: Maybe it means declining the invitation.
24:49
Dora: And again, it matters how you say it in the delivery.
24:52
Dora: Maybe it means offering a different day, or maybe it means sharing responsibility over whatever it is the task at hand.
25:01
Dora: Or it might mean going but deciding you're gonna leave early, like my little doctor visits kind of like, you know, coming in and out.
25:08
Dora: Or maybe it means honoring commitment and finding another way to take care for yourself later on.
25:14
Dora: So that's where you kind of barter.
25:16
Dora: Self-care doesn't always look the same, it depends on what you need and what's happening in your life.
25:22
Dora: So just assess.
25:24
Dora: So moving on to eat is for express gratitude.
25:27
Dora: So thank yourself for taking and pausing for a specific moment to be intentional, for recognizing your needs, for considering your responsibilities, for being willing to communicate honestly and openly.
25:42
Dora: And if someone offers support, you can express gratitude for that too.
25:49
Dora: Then communicate your decision with care.
25:52
Dora: And again, I'm all about the communication and the delivery method.
25:55
Dora: Maybe it's something simple as, thank you for thinking of me.
25:59
Dora: I won't be able to make it this time around.
26:02
Dora: Or, hmm, let's see, I'd love to help, but I don't have the capacity, you know, this weekend.
26:10
Dora: Or maybe even I need to take some time for myself.
26:15
Dora: So I'm going to sit this one out.
26:17
Dora: Oh, I like that one.
26:19
Dora: Like I come back with good stuff.
26:21
Dora: You don't always need a five paragraph explanation or like a whole diary entry.
26:28
Dora: And if guilt shows up afterwards, you can pause again and just repeat because pause isn't something we just do once and suddenly it disappears and never struggle with it again.
26:39
Dora: It's something that you have to keep practicing time and time again.
26:43
Dora: And we have to return to it as often as we need to.
26:50
Dora: I want to invite you into a little reflection.
26:53
Dora: And if you're driving or doing anything that needs your full attention, such as taking care of your babies or something that's machinery, you'll come back to this for you know later on where some are safe.
27:04
Dora: Otherwise, I would invite you to find a comfortable position.
27:08
Dora: And you don't have to close your eyes unless you feel like that's safe and good for you.
27:12
Dora: You can definitely lower your gaze.
27:14
Dora: And I want you to take a comfortable breath.
27:16
Dora: So breathe in and gently release it.
27:24
Dora: Now, I want you to think about something you've been wanting or needing lately.
27:31
Dora: Maybe it's rest, maybe it's making an appointment, maybe it's asking for help.
27:38
Dora: Maybe it's taking care of yourself for a day.
27:43
Dora: Or maybe it's going somewhere you've wanted to visit.
27:47
Dora: Maybe it's finally spending time doing something simply because you enjoy it.
27:55
Dora: Now ask yourself, what feeling comes up when I imagine choosing that for myself?
28:03
Dora: Is there excitement?
28:06
Dora: Relief?
28:08
Dora: Guilt?
28:10
Dora: Worry?
28:12
Dora: Maybe a little bit of everything.
28:14
Dora: Whatever you're noticing, give yourself a moment.
28:18
Dora: You don't have to make the feeling go away.
28:25
Dora: Now ask, what am I afraid might happen if I honor this need?
28:32
Dora: And is there a thoughtful, realistic way I can make room for it?
28:40
Dora: Now one final question.
28:42
Dora: What is one small choice I could make this week that includes my own well-being?
28:49
Dora: Not a complete life overhaul, but just one choice.
29:04
Dora: And when you're ready, bring your attention back to the room.
29:11
Dora: You can thank yourself for taking this moment.
29:14
Dora: And I love to do a hug to yourself.
29:18
Dora: And thank you for listening, for being honest, and for remembering that your needs deserve attention too.
29:31
Dora: There's something else I've been reflecting on lately.
29:34
Dora: We spend so much time working towards the life we want.
29:38
Dora: We idolize it.
29:39
Dora: We're trying to create financial stability, we're taking care of our families.
29:45
Dora: I mean, we're building careers, um, things that we enjoy, we're learning, we're planning for the future, and all of those things can be meaningful.
29:57
Dora: But sometimes I wonder, when do we actually give ourselves permission to enjoy what we're building?
30:06
Dora: Like we spent all this time building, building, building.
30:10
Dora: When do we let ourselves experience the relationships, the travel, the rest, the everyday moments, and all those things that make life feel full?
30:20
Dora: Because I don't want to spend my entire life preparing to enjoy it someday, like in the future when I'm retired.
30:27
Dora: I want to be able to enjoy it along the way, you know, have those rewards.
30:32
Dora: And I say that while recognizing that not every season of life gives us the same freedom or opportunities.
30:40
Dora: Okay, sometimes we do have to adult and pay the bills.
30:42
Dora: I get it.
30:43
Dora: Some seasons are really difficult.
30:46
Dora: Some seasons require more responsibility and accountability.
30:49
Dora: And sometimes we're dealing with things that we never expected.
30:52
Dora: And I'm testimony to that because I know that firsthand.
30:56
Dora: And even within those seasons, I want to keep asking, what is available to me right now?
31:03
Dora: Where can I make a life more, you know, where can I make more room in my life for joy?
31:10
Dora: What support might I need?
31:12
Dora: And what would it look like to stop treating my own happiness as something that has to just wait until everybody else's needs are satisfied?
31:23
Dora: I don't have all those things figured out yet.
31:27
Dora: I mean, I'm still learning.
31:28
Dora: I'm still learning right there with you, and I'm still navigating my responsibilities and figuring all the things out on how to balance my career, my life, my family, my business, and everything else that brings me joy, especially sitting in the Maca now that it's getting cold here in Chicago, here late in October.
31:46
Dora: But I no longer want to believe that a meaningful life has to be built entirely through sacrifice.
31:52
Dora: That can be effort and there can be some responsibility.
31:56
Dora: There can be hard decisions and things we have to navigate, but there can also be ease.
32:02
Dora: Like I love laughter and friendship, um, some adventurous stuff and rest on my couch and loving all those people all around me in moments that are simply just ours to enjoy.
32:15
Dora: Because what is the point of creating a beautiful life if we never allow ourselves to be present for it?
32:22
Dora: Like we're always living ahead, right?
32:24
Dora: We always want to have that carrot, like chasing after that carrot of what's next.
32:29
Dora: Just being here in the present moment, enjoying the dinner, enjoying the traffic, enjoying all the different things that life brings to us, it cracks us open somehow.
32:40
Dora: It makes us like appreciate the leaf or whatever it is that we have going on in front of us.
32:47
Dora: Because right now it's falling.
32:49
Dora: I'm seeing all the leaves outside my window right now.
32:51
Dora: And that's where having that appreciation for what is in front of us, underneath our noses, kind of thing.
33:00
Dora: So here's what I want you to take with you this week.
33:04
Dora: You don't have to wait until the guilt disappears before you make a thoughtful choice for yourself.
33:10
Dora: You can feel uncomfortable and still make a decision that honors your needs.
33:18
Dora: You can love your family, you can love them greatly and still need time for yourself.
33:24
Dora: So you can be responsible and still make room for joy.
33:28
Dora: You can be grateful for your life and still want something different.
33:34
Dora: Those things can exist together, they can coexist.
33:37
Dora: And this week, I want you to ask yourself, what is one thing I've been putting off because I feel guilty about choosing it?
33:46
Dora: And what would a realistic first step look like?
33:51
Dora: Maybe you've had a conversation, maybe you'll make a plan for yourself, put it on the calendar, maybe you'll ask for support from a loved one, from a friend, or delegate, or maybe you'll simply give yourself that permission to rest without feeling like you have to like accomplish something first or something huge and check it off your list.
34:14
Dora: Whatever it is, choose yourself and choose something that fits the reality of your life.
34:20
Dora: Not something that creates just more pressure for yourself.
34:24
Dora: That's where really honor what is coming up for you and make room for it.
34:28
Dora: Make room for it.
34:29
Dora: Receive that time for yourself or that time that you want to create something that causes you so much joy and impact in your life.
34:38
Dora: And that's so rewarding because, again, we don't have to delay that necessarily.
34:45
Dora: And you know, this conversation is actually a beautiful lead-in to our next episode because next time I'm going to be sharing a heart-to-heart conversation with someone who's been part of my life for many, many, many years.
34:59
Dora: My longtime friend Jill.
35:02
Dora: We've known each other um since we were very young.
35:06
Dora: I remember in middle school, I think, and we've shared some wonderful memories together, including travel.
35:12
Dora: Um, we went together to Punta Cana during my cancer journey back in uh February of 2026, earlier this year.
35:19
Dora: And we spent time together more recently in Dallas.
35:22
Dora: That's where I traveled to.
35:24
Dora: So Jill is a travel advisor, a wife, a mother, and somebody who's navigating a full life with many responsibilities.
35:32
Dora: And we sat down to talk about travel and friendship, intuition, and making room for experiences that matter to both of us.
35:41
Dora: So, because sometimes choosing yourself isn't about making like these huge changes, sometimes it's about just giving yourself permission to experience the life you've been working towards.
35:56
Dora: So hard to create.
35:58
Dora: And I hope you'll join us for that conversation next week.
36:02
Dora: But before you go, I want to leave you with this.
36:07
Dora: Mihita.
36:09
Dora: You don't have to prove your worth by being available to everybody all the time.
36:16
Dora: Okay.
36:17
Dora: I know.
36:18
Dora: Okay.
36:18
Dora: You don't have to earn every moment of rest.
36:22
Dora: Okay.
36:22
Dora: All the little bits.
36:24
Dora: And choosing yourself doesn't mean you have to stop, you know, you stop loving the people around you.
36:30
Dora: It means you're learning to love and care for yourself as part of your life too.
36:36
Dora: If this conversation resonated with you, I'd love for you to share it with someone, um, especially someone who might need to hear it.
36:45
Dora: And if you want to, you can continue practicing um these moments of self-awareness.
36:51
Dora: And you can download my free pause guide and audio activation using the link in the episode description.
36:58
Dora: So down below.
36:59
Dora: Until next time, embrace your raises, reclaim your essencia, and create a life with infinite possibilities.
37:07
Dora: Nos vemos, Mijita, sending you so much love and a big virtual hug.
37:15
Dora: Sending you lots of love and bye.
37:18
Dora: See you next week.