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How to Recognize the Patterns of Codependency · RiseUp - Live Joy Your Way

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_01: Today's episode is produced by my friends at WalkWest.
• 0:03
  SPEAKER_01: And if you're looking to grow your brand and generate a new either podcast or video production, head over to walkwatch.com.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, let's start the show.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_00: Rise up, live joy your way.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_00: From emotional intelligence through cognitive distortions, certified life and wellness coach Comedy Wood is on a mission to help people see the magnificence of their own unique human spirit.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_00: Through these small bites of self-visualization and self-confidence, you can have healthy relationships, success in business and career, and live the life you want to live.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_00: Rise up, live joy your way.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_01: Hi there and welcome to another episode of Rise Up, Live Joy Your Way.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_01: Whether it's morning, afternoon, or evening, thank you for taking some time out of your day to spend here with me.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_01: And today we're going to be diving back into the topic of codependency.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_01: I just feel like this is one of those topics that is complicated.
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_01: Some people end up getting stuck in the almost quote unquote the diagnosis of it.
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_01: And I really just want to bring light to a deeper understanding of codependency so that when we can acknowledge those patterns within ourselves, we can take the steps towards creating healthier relationships for ourselves, right?
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_01: So, because the truth is, if we don't become aware of certain things, we are going to continue operating with the same operating procedure.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_01: But awareness allows for the ability to make a different generative choice for yourself.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_01: So let's talk about it.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_01: Codependency.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_01: Oftentimes, it does begin as a survival mechanism, it's a way to cope with or adapt to a certain familial or relational landscape that is in front of you.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_01: So it's a pattern or behavior where maybe you find that your self-worth or your self-identity is tied to the needs of other people.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_01: And what I mean by that is there could be a situation, a relational situation, where in order to survive, you find yourself needing to make sure that other people around you are okay and taking care of their needs.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_01: And through taking care of their needs, that is where your self-worth and your identity starts to take hold.
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_01: So you become dependent on the other person's quote-unquote okayness and their needs being met for you to feel your own self-worth.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_01: So when you recognize codependency, it's you're able to start understanding that in those dynamics, in those relationships, what's happening is you are routinely sacrificing your own needs for somebody else.
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_01: You're routinely potentially overgiving and over-functioning for the sake of somebody else.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_01: You find yourself not being able to set boundaries, but instead taking on everything that that person asks you to do.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_01: You might even start finding yourself responsible for how they feel.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_01: And as a matter of fact, in some of the dynamics, the other person might even tell you that you're responsible for their feelings because that becomes a normative behavior pattern between the two of you.
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_01: So if you're noticing any of those things resonate, that could be an indication of some codependency.
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_01: Now I'm going to say something that could also ruffle a little a few feathers here, but codependency can also be considered an addictive behavior.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_01: So when we think about addictive tendencies, many of us have them because when we when we're looking at addictive tendencies, it's really either the use of a behavior or a substance to access a way of being or a state of mind that has a deep validity to it.
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  SPEAKER_01: And there doesn't seem to be another way to get that.
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_01: So let me say that again.
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_01: Addictive tendencies tend to surface when we are trying to, we are using a behavior or a substance to get to either a state of being or a state of mind or a state of experience so that we can feel validated and that we don't have, we're not able to see other roadways to get there.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_01: What ends up happening with codependency is it creates that compulsive pattern to get an external validation.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_01: So if we're again looking at this from an addictive tendency perspective, it becomes an addiction to get that validation through this pattern behavior.
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_01: And when you're doing when you're engaged in this codependent behavior cycle, there is a consistent avoidance of confrontation, just taking care of someone else's needs.
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_01: And that cycle is where your emotional state, your emotional state, excuse me, gets it becomes dependent on the other person's.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_01: And what happens in that process is you end up losing your sense of self, which, if we think about it with various addictions, that's what ends up happening down the road, is that there's a loss of sense of self even within the addiction itself.
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_01: Codependency, again, is not just something that affects you, it ripples through and will affect many of your relationships.
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_01: Because what happens is in a codependent relationship or a codependent, though if you're showing up as a codependent person, there is that lack of honest communication because you're not really ever saying what you need.
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_01: There is an imbalance of power.
• 5:59
  SPEAKER_01: The other person almost starts to take on a sense of more like higher power than you.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_01: And the big one is over time, resentment does start building up because over time you find yourself giving and giving and giving and giving and doing and doing and doing and doing, and eventually exhaustion and burnout does start to set in.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_01: And so when we're thinking about and recognizing, hmm, I might be in this codependent dynamic, the way you start to work through it is start reconnecting with yourself.
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_01: Reconnect with what are your needs, what are your desires, what are your values.
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_01: Start to bring those things back into your own awareness and practice things like self-compassion through the process because as you're realigning with yourself, there might be a lot of self-judgment and a lot of animosity to oneself that you've let those parts of yourself go.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_01: And that's again going to keep you stuck.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_01: So it's about giving yourself the time to recognize these are the things that you might have lost connection with, reconnect with those things, and start to be able to stand for yourself and in your needs within the relationship.
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_01: And as you are starting to do this with those codependent relationships, one of the things that you have to recognize is that if you come from this place of wholeness, you come from this place of knowing who you are, you'll find that your relationships will begin to transform.
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_01: Now, having said that, some relationships might fall off because the other person may not be willing to see you as more of this independent person.
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm not saying that we have to become completely independent of the people that we're in a relationship with, but you do have but being aware of who you are outside of the relationship is very important.
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_01: And so it's just really important to recognize that in the process of shifting from codependent behaviors, there might be people that fall off because they're not willing to have you show up in a different way.
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_01: They they prefer you to be codependent on them.
• 8:03
  SPEAKER_01: And giving yourself grace to release some of those relationships is going to be important.
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_01: However, you will also notice that other relationships transform into more healthy, more transparent, more honest relationships when the other person actually makes room for your needs and desires within the relationship.
• 8:21
  SPEAKER_01: If you'd like to discuss codependency and maybe how you could break out of it, or any other any other things that might be coming up in your life that could be holding you back that you feel like coaching might be able to help you move through and move forward from, feel free to book a time with me at any time at coachwithcomedy.com.
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_01: And until next time, stay well.
• 8:45
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for listening to Rise Up, Live Joy Your Way.
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_00: For more information, book a chat with comedy at www.chatwithcomedy.com or visit our website at www dot comedywood.com.
• 8:59
  SPEAKER_00: You can also find comedy on Facebook or Instagram.
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_00: Username it's authentic me.
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  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for listening.