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5-MINUTE FRIDAY: How To Create a Boundary Without Guilt · Hurdle with Emily Abbate

• 0:16
  Speaker 1: What's going on? Emily? Here? You are listening to five
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: Minute Friday from Hurdle. Today, I want to talk to
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: you about something I did yesterday, and that was uphold
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: a boundary and it felt really good. In fact, as
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: I was telling someone my boundary of Hey, the way
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: that we're communicating isn't really feeling good for me. I'm
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: not angry. I just think that it's my best interest
• 0:41
  Speaker 1: if we stop communicating in this way. I didn't for
• 0:45
  Speaker 1: a second shame myself into doing something that would make
• 0:50
  Speaker 1: them feel comfortable. What I did in that moment was
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: that I said and upheld a boundary that was in
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: my best interest. The thing about boundaries is that we
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: often tend to think of them as walls. They are
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: things that we build to keep people out or to
• 1:08
  Speaker 1: be difficult. But I want to challenge you, if you've
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: been in that mindset before, to reframe that today. Boundaries
• 1:17
  Speaker 1: they are not walls. They are bridges. Boundaries are not walls.
• 1:21
  Speaker 1: They are bridges. They are the instructions we give others
• 1:24
  Speaker 1: on how to successfully navigate a relationship with us. Without boundaries,
• 1:29
  Speaker 1: we aren't being nice. I'm doing air quotes right here.
• 1:33
  Speaker 1: We are actually really just setting ourselves up for resentment.
• 1:36
  Speaker 1: So think about it. How many times have you said
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: yes to a project, or a coffee date or a favor,
• 1:42
  Speaker 1: only to feel frustrated the entire time you were doing it.
• 1:46
  Speaker 1: That frustration, it's not about them, It's a signal that
• 1:50
  Speaker 1: you let a boundary slide. Now. As hers, we are
• 1:55
  Speaker 1: naturally inclined to go the extra mile. We want to
• 1:58
  Speaker 1: be the best founders and friends and sisters and athletes.
• 2:02
  Speaker 1: But the reality is that you cannot run your own
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: race if you are constantly stopping to carry everyone else's luggage.
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: When we don't have clear boundaries, we experience what I
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: often refer to as an energy leak. You are showing
• 2:16
  Speaker 1: up to your workout tired, you are hitting a wall
• 2:18
  Speaker 1: at your desk by two pm, and you're feeling disconnected
• 2:22
  Speaker 1: from your own goals. Why you ask, That's because you
• 2:28
  Speaker 1: are giving away your most precious resource, and that is
• 2:31
  Speaker 1: your attention. When you do that, the things that don't
• 2:35
  Speaker 1: actually align with where you're trying to go, those get
• 2:38
  Speaker 1: in the way. So I know what you're wondering, How
• 2:42
  Speaker 1: do we fix this? We practice what I will tell
• 2:45
  Speaker 1: you today. I refer to in my heart as the
• 2:49
  Speaker 1: peaceful No. Setting a boundary doesn't have to be a confrontation.
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: Let me say that one more time for the people
• 2:56
  Speaker 1: in the back. Setting a boundary doesn't have to be
• 3:00
  Speaker 1: a confrontation. It doesn't need to be a three paragraphed
• 3:05
  Speaker 1: explanation or an apology. The most effective boundaries are the
• 3:10
  Speaker 1: simplest ones. If you're struggling with how to say it,
• 3:14
  Speaker 1: try this. You can literally go. I'd love to help
• 3:17
  Speaker 1: with that, but I don't have the capacity to give
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: it the attention it deserves right now. Period. I'd love
• 3:24
  Speaker 1: to help with that, but I don't have the capacity
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: to give it the attention it deserves right now. Now,
• 3:30
  Speaker 1: notice what I did there. I didn't lie in using
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: that statement. You don't have to over explain, and you
• 3:37
  Speaker 1: don't make yourself the victim. You simply state your capacity
• 3:42
  Speaker 1: and doing that is a power move. Now, before you
• 3:46
  Speaker 1: head into the weekend, I have let's call it hurdle
• 3:49
  Speaker 1: homework for you. I want you to identify your resentment map.
• 3:53
  Speaker 1: I want you to look at your calendar for the
• 3:55
  Speaker 1: next seven days and answer this question. Honestly, is there
• 4:00
  Speaker 1: one meeting, one commitment, or one person that's in your
• 4:04
  Speaker 1: calendar that makes you feel like you have a pit
• 4:07
  Speaker 1: in your stomach that is exactly where a boundary needs
• 4:11
  Speaker 1: to be built. The Hurdle homework you're prompt for this week,
• 4:15
  Speaker 1: pick one thing to say no to so that you
• 4:18
  Speaker 1: can say yes to yourself. And now a listener question. Hi, Emily,
• 4:23
  Speaker 1: my name's Christian and I've thoroughly enjoyed listening to Hurdle
• 4:27
  Speaker 1: over the past couple of years. After turning thirty this year,
• 4:29
  Speaker 1: I've become more intentional about doing things that bring me joy,
• 4:33
  Speaker 1: especially as a single woman, simply just trying to enjoy
• 4:36
  Speaker 1: the most in this season of life. One of those
• 4:39
  Speaker 1: things is getting my nails done regularly, which I noticed
• 4:43
  Speaker 1: you do as well, So I'm hoping you could share
• 4:45
  Speaker 1: your nail routine. What type of manicure do you get?
• 4:48
  Speaker 1: How often do you see a nail artist? Do you
• 4:50
  Speaker 1: have a Pinterest board of nail sign saved like me?
• 4:53
  Speaker 1: Any aftercare tips for your manny while lifting weights? Give
• 4:57
  Speaker 1: me all the details. Thank you for being such a
• 4:59
  Speaker 1: light and I look forward to hearing your response. Oh
• 5:03
  Speaker 1: my god, I honestly I do have a regular nail
• 5:06
  Speaker 1: routine of getting them done, but I really don't take
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: care of them like I probably should. I know I
• 5:12
  Speaker 1: shouldn't be shooting on myself say that five times past.
• 5:15
  Speaker 1: I am now in a phase of doing a hard
• 5:18
  Speaker 1: heel manicure. So basically they put the hard heel underneath
• 5:23
  Speaker 1: and then they do your manicure on top. And what
• 5:26
  Speaker 1: happens is then you can get a fill on the
• 5:28
  Speaker 1: hard gel when you go back. So the first time
• 5:31
  Speaker 1: you do this it's more expensive, and then when you
• 5:33
  Speaker 1: return it is less expensive because you already have a base.
• 5:37
  Speaker 1: I don't really have an inspiration board, but I will
• 5:40
  Speaker 1: start to think about what I want in the week
• 5:42
  Speaker 1: leading up to getting my nails done. I know this
• 5:45
  Speaker 1: is really groundbreaking information for all of you. And the
• 5:49
  Speaker 1: last thing I'll say is that I typically try to
• 5:52
  Speaker 1: go about three and a half weeks, maybe four plus
• 5:56
  Speaker 1: depending on the manicure, if I can between sessions. For me,
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: I am on camera, sometimes I'm holding a microphone and
• 6:04
  Speaker 1: there's photos. I'm just doing crowd facing work, and so
• 6:08
  Speaker 1: a nice manicure is a beautiful self care moment for
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  Speaker 1: me to feel put together in my day to day.
• 6:17
  Speaker 1: I said this was the last thing I'm going to say.
• 6:19
  Speaker 1: One more highlight. You asked about lifting weights. Yeah, it's
• 6:22
  Speaker 1: so funny. You should see me. What do they call that?
• 6:24
  Speaker 1: Like the claw, the cuff, the collar, the weight collar?
• 6:28
  Speaker 1: When I am specifically putting plates onto a barbell. The
• 6:32
  Speaker 1: way that I am finessing the collar so I don't
• 6:35
  Speaker 1: have to use my nails and scared that I'm going
• 6:37
  Speaker 1: to break them is comical. There I should film that.
• 6:41
  Speaker 1: I digress. I'm not doing anything really special to take
• 6:44
  Speaker 1: care of my nails. I'm just trying to be as
• 6:45
  Speaker 1: careful as i can. And that is the lowdown. Hopefully
• 6:49
  Speaker 1: that was helpful. I'm always hunting your listener questions, so
• 6:52
  Speaker 1: please shoot me an email with them if you don't mind.
• 6:55
  Speaker 1: It's over at Hello at Hurdle dot us and it
• 6:58
  Speaker 1: could be featured in and upcome episode of the show.
• 7:03
  Speaker 1: With that, that's all for this week. Happy love, dang everyone.
• 7:06
  Speaker 1: I hope you have a nice moment of appreciation, geared
• 7:11
  Speaker 1: up for yourself at the very least this weekend. There's
• 7:15
  Speaker 1: so much to be grateful for and love is everywhere
• 7:19
  Speaker 1: around you if only you choose to look for it.
• 7:23
  Speaker 1: I'm over at emily a Badi at Hurdle podcast. Another
• 7:26
  Speaker 1: hurdle conquered. Catch you guys next time.