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The Filters in Your Mind: Are Biases Blurring Your View? · Doing Marriage Well

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  Doing Marriage Well from May 18, 2026 The filters in your mind.
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  Are biases blurring your view?
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  This week I want to talk about cognitive biases that can limit and hurt our marriages.
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  I don't offer these so that you can accuse your spouse of them.
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  Seeing them in your spouse can help you navigate a situation better,
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  but unless you've discussed biases and your spouse is open to you pointing them
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  out, you're probably better off not identifying them as they happen.
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  My primary reason for sharing these Is so you can see them in yourself These
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  biases alter how we see reality And that can lead to misunderstandings Hurt feelings and arguments.
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  As we go through this week, consider each bias and ask yourself if you are given
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  to it. First, we have confirmation bias.
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  You interpret your spouse's words or actions to fit your pre-existing belief.
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  Your belief may be based on what they have done in the past or your own stuff.
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  Either way, you see what you expect to see rather than what is really there.
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  To see how this plays out in the living room or the kitchen,
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  let's look at a few common scenarios.
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  The underappreciated spouse.
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  A wife believes her husband doesn't notice her efforts at home.
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  When he walks past a clean kitchen without comment, she sees that as proof.
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  When he thanks her for dinner, she dismisses it as automatic politeness.
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  Her belief replaces reality as she plays up confirming evidence and downplays
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  evidence to the contrary.
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  The Criticism Loop A husband believes his wife is hypercritical.
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  He braces for criticism in every conversation, making him defensive.
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  His defensiveness frustrates her, making her more critical.
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  His original belief is self-fulfilling, but he is blind to his part.
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  The jealous partner. A spouse suspects infidelity. A late meeting is proof.
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  A normal meeting is suspicious.
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  Friendliness towards an attractive
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  person is a red flag. Coldness towards the same person is guilt.
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  Fear colors every action, piling up more supposed proof of cheating.
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  The incompatible couple. During a rough patch, one spouse decides they want
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  such different things they are incompatible.
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  From then on, every disagreement is seen as proof of deep incompatibility,
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  while areas of agreement are ignored.
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  Please challenge your negative beliefs about your spouse. Even if they are once
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  true, people grow and change.
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  Give your partner the benefit of the doubt and look for change.
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  This is Paul, and doing marriage well is easier when you live in reality.