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Are We Losing Our Social Skills? · Millennial Mental Health Channel

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: If the bass was making my heart skip a beat,
• 0:03
  Speaker 1: we were in a good spot.
• 0:04
  Speaker 2: Yeah, we couldn't not bump and grind, bitches.
• 0:10
  Speaker 3: Welcome to MMHC, your go-to mental health podcast.
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: I'm Eddie Carrillo, a licensed professional counselor.
• 0:16
  Speaker 3: And I'm Justin Romano, a board-certified child and adolescent psychiatrist.
• 0:21
  Speaker 1: We created MMHC to give listeners evidence-based information directly from
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: professionals who work in mental health.
• 0:27
  Speaker 3: We're not influencers. We're not trying to sell you anything.
• 0:30
  Speaker 3: We just want to bring love, empathy, and understanding of
• 0:32
  Speaker 3: mental health into this world.
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: And we really think that learning about mental health should
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: be fun, interesting, and most importantly, honest.
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  Speaker 3: So thanks for tuning in. This is a show by
• 0:42
  Speaker 3: two millennials, but it is intended to be for everyone.
• 0:45
  Speaker 3: We hope you enjoy the show. You know, I really
• 0:57
  Speaker 3: don't think my voices and accents are really ever that
• 0:59
  Speaker 3: funny or cool.
• 1:00
  Speaker 4: But for the hell of it, we shall do a
• 1:03
  Speaker 4: Bavarian accent. So welcome back to MMHC, your favorite source
• 1:08
  Speaker 4: for mental health, especially if you are millennial. Eduardo, how
• 1:14
  Speaker 4: are you doing? Do you have any big shout-outs for
• 1:16
  Speaker 4: us today?
• 1:17
  Speaker 1: You ever play Dutch Blitz? No. The card game? I
• 1:22
  Speaker 1: can't even explain it. Kevin whoops my ass in it
• 1:24
  Speaker 1: every time we play it. But the box says a
• 1:27
  Speaker 1: wonderful good game. That's what you're making me think of
• 1:32
  Speaker 1: right now.
• 1:33
  Speaker 3: I had a professor in college who was actually like
• 1:37
  Speaker 3: a prion disease expert.
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: Isn't that the scary shit? Oh, yeah.
• 1:42
  Speaker 3: It's like chronic wasting disease, mad cow. The joke in
• 1:46
  Speaker 3: med school is like, oh, you know, you're going to
• 1:49
  Speaker 3: get some random prion question in your test that you
• 1:53
  Speaker 3: don't know anything about. And actually, prions was one of
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  Speaker 3: my strengths because I took a whole class on just
• 1:58
  Speaker 3: prion disease. And luckily, I had Dr.
• 2:01
  Speaker 2: Herman Schatzel to teach me as a way.
• 2:04
  Speaker 1: How much can you cover in one class?
• 2:06
  Speaker 2: It was a whole semester worth.
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  Speaker 1: How often?
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  Speaker 2: Oh, it was like a three credit hour class.
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  Speaker 1: Was this required?
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  Speaker 3: No, it was one of those electives, but a science
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  Speaker 3: one that went towards my major.
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  Speaker 1: Wait, was this med school or was this... Undergrad. This
• 2:24
  Speaker 1: is undergrad.
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  Speaker 2: This is just undergrad.
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: Nerd. All right.
• 2:28
  Speaker 3: What's the most random undergrad class you had?
• 2:34
  Speaker 1: Good question. Good question. I'm glad you asked. Senior year,
• 2:40
  Speaker 1: first semester, we had, it was a category for human performance,
• 2:44
  Speaker 1: which is essentially physical education. And I took yoga with
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: a bunch of friends. One credit. Yep. One credit hour.
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: I think it was two times a week for one hour,
• 2:55
  Speaker 1: just yoga. And that also whooped my ass. I think
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: I was really good at deep relaxation. So I'd fall
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: asleep and just snore. But like random academic class. Oh,
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  Speaker 1: I had to take this because I needed a science
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  Speaker 1: credit and you needed to do the science credit with
• 3:15
  Speaker 1: a lab. I took permaculture. Do you know what that is? No.
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: It's the study of sustainable design. so like sustainable well
• 3:25
  Speaker 1: thought out gardening was the class and it had a
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: lab section and the lab section was at Pacific we
• 3:32
  Speaker 1: had what was called B Street Farm and it was
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  Speaker 1: just this sustainable farm that grew like vegetables and fruits
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  Speaker 1: and probably fruits and stuff and like you would just
• 3:42
  Speaker 1: your lab was you had to work 10 hours there
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  Speaker 1: that was my lab credit.
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  Speaker 5: That's kind of cool I actually would be very into
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  Speaker 5: that Yeah, and actually, if I would have taken Permaculture 2,
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  Speaker 5: I would have gotten my certification in permaculture, but I
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  Speaker 5: didn't have a desire to do it.
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  Speaker 3: Oh, well, missed opportunity. I'd say you found your right path,
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  Speaker 3: so you're all right.
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  Speaker 1: I mean, well, think of it this way. On one
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  Speaker 1: side of the screen, we have prions and an elective
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  Speaker 1: for the future doctor. And on the other side, you have...
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  Speaker 1: sustainable gardening for your boy so two different two.
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  Speaker 3: Different routes but honestly i feel like we could have
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  Speaker 3: probably switched either one you done prions and me done
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  Speaker 3: permaculture and we probably would have been just fine.
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  Speaker 1: You're giving me way too much credit.
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  Speaker 3: You don't want to do a prion class huh i don't.
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  Speaker 1: Think i don't it's less about i don't wouldn't want
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  Speaker 1: to do it i think it's more of like would
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  Speaker 1: not have worked I struggled, man. I was not a
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  Speaker 1: good student. Anyway, you're making me relive. I don't even
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  Speaker 1: want to think about my GPA back then.
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  Speaker 2: Well, shout out, Dr.
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  Speaker 1: Schatzel.
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  Speaker 2: Speaking of shout outs, you got any for me, bud?
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  Speaker 1: I mean, at this point, Dee Gunderson. He was a
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  Speaker 1: professor for permaculture, so shout out to him.
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  Speaker 3: That sounds like a permaculture professor's name.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, why not? I don't remember my yoga teacher's name, though.
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  Speaker 1: That's kind of rude. Yeah. She was really nice. In
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  Speaker 1: her syllabus, she put her phone number so you could
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  Speaker 1: text her if you were going to be late or
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  Speaker 1: miss class. And she would always tell me that I
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  Speaker 1: was the only person who took her up on that.
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  Speaker 1: So I would wake up and be like, damn, I'm
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  Speaker 1: hella tired. I'm not going to this. And I would
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  Speaker 1: text her back, sorry, I got to miss class today.
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  Speaker 1: And she was always super nice about it. Cool.
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  Speaker 2: That's the best kind of professor.
• 5:39
  Speaker 1: Yeah. So speaking of professors and.
• 5:43
  Speaker 3: Yes, good transition.
• 5:45
  Speaker 1: Perfect transition. What are we talking about today?
• 5:48
  Speaker 2: What are we talking about today? No, I know what
• 5:50
  Speaker 2: we're talking about today.
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  Speaker 3: You know, my wife had a really good idea where
• 5:55
  Speaker 3: she talks to me every once in a while, and
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  Speaker 3: she said, hey, you know what? You should do an
• 6:00
  Speaker 3: episode on communication, conversation, social skills, because it just feels
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  Speaker 3: like so many people are losing it, and we don't
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  Speaker 3: have the same skills that we used to.
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  Speaker 2: So I said, you know what? That's a fantastic idea.
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  Speaker 2: Let's do it.
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  Speaker 3: I know that we've been doing a lot of, like,
• 6:15
  Speaker 3: substances and drug stuff, which has been good and useful. But, yeah,
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  Speaker 3: I feel like this maybe applies to everyone these days. Yeah,
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  Speaker 3: we totally agree. I feel like I am not quite
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  Speaker 3: as social as I used to be, too.
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  Speaker 2: How do you feel, man?
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  Speaker 1: I hate being social at this point, I think. Like, I, man,
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  Speaker 1: I struggle. I used to, getting ready for this episode, like,
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  Speaker 1: I feel like I used to, like, friday night saturday
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  Speaker 1: night in undergrad grad school like hell yeah we're going
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  Speaker 1: out let's fucking go like i'm ready to meet new
• 6:47
  Speaker 1: people go to parties be around all these people now
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  Speaker 1: like if there's going to be crowds like i think
• 6:53
  Speaker 1: i just want to stay home uh and i don't
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  Speaker 1: know if it's uh the covid stuff i don't know
• 6:58
  Speaker 1: if it's because of just like maybe you and i
• 7:01
  Speaker 1: having like front-facing patient client-centered jobs maybe it's taking a
• 7:05
  Speaker 1: toll on us but Yeah, for sure. I used to really,
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  Speaker 1: really enjoy going out and meeting new people, but now
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  Speaker 1: I'm just kind of like, it's hard. I mean, I
• 7:11
  Speaker 1: just went to a wedding last week. Shout out my boy,
• 7:13
  Speaker 1: Kevin Dopps. I went to a wedding last week, and
• 7:15
  Speaker 1: I was like thinking about it. Not that I didn't
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  Speaker 1: want to be there, but I'm like, oh, man, there's
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  Speaker 1: going to be a lot of people, and it's kind
• 7:21
  Speaker 1: of a big crowd. It's not my favorite. That's fine.
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  Speaker 1: That's fine. It will be okay. But I think ultimately,
• 7:26
  Speaker 1: as you brought up the idea from Dana of coming
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  Speaker 1: up with this social skills episode, I started to think,
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  Speaker 1: what happened? Is this because did I do something wrong?
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  Speaker 1: Did I just do something different? Is the environment around
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  Speaker 1: me changing? Most likely it's a combination of both and
• 7:41
  Speaker 1: probably more. But I think that's what we want to
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  Speaker 1: start with. We want to start with some small discussion
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  Speaker 1: and then talk about things that I'd looked up and
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  Speaker 1: we'd looked up of like, how can we fix this
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  Speaker 1: for people? Like, how can we get a little better?
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  Speaker 3: So here are some signs that we've maybe become a
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  Speaker 3: little bit rusty with our social skills, including things like
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  Speaker 3: wanting to avoid social interactions, like ordering coffee from a
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  Speaker 3: cashier versus using a kiosk.
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  Speaker 2: I'll admit if I go into like a restaurant or something.
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  Speaker 3: I'll go to the kiosk.
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  Speaker 2: It's easier to just.
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  Speaker 3: Click through and you don't have the pressure of like,
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  Speaker 3: I feel like I'm always like wasting everyone's time. I've
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  Speaker 3: got a real in the way of phobia, which is
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  Speaker 3: something I definitely made up, but like, I'm always like
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  Speaker 3: afraid I'm in the way. And I think, I think
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  Speaker 3: this was instilled in me by my mother. She's got
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  Speaker 3: in the way of phobia too. So like, I always
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  Speaker 3: feel like I'm taking too much time. Like I'm not
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  Speaker 3: going fast enough. And so having a kiosk and be
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  Speaker 3: able to take my time, really look through the menu.
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  Speaker 3: I kind of like that. But again, you're losing the
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  Speaker 3: social aspect.
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  Speaker 1: I mean, there's that too, right? Like the, you have
• 8:41
  Speaker 1: the choice cashier versus kiosk, right? You see the kiosk
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  Speaker 1: is like, don't tempt me with a good time. I'm
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  Speaker 1: taking the kiosk for sure. But then some places they
• 8:48
  Speaker 1: make you order from a kiosk, right? So it's like
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  Speaker 1: you get kind of used to it. And again, it
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  Speaker 1: probably goes back to COVID too, but how much things
• 8:56
  Speaker 1: have changed? Uh, The introduction and sticking around of the
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: kiosk ordering experience. I feel like those have popped up
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  Speaker 1: a ton and you get the places with the single system.
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  Speaker 1: All you need is the screen and you can pay
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  Speaker 1: right there. Boom. Easy to go. Literally zero human interaction
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  Speaker 1: except when you pick it up and hopefully say thank
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  Speaker 1: you to the person. Do you think of like you
• 9:16
  Speaker 1: go to a restaurant? How many restaurants have you been
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  Speaker 1: to where you walk in and nobody's greets you. There's
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  Speaker 1: no menus. It's a QR code. Maybe somebody walks by
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  Speaker 1: later and just tells you, yeah, all the ordering is
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  Speaker 1: done on the QR code. And then you just do that.
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  Speaker 1: And then you barely talk with the person there. There's
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  Speaker 1: not really like service like there used to be. So
• 9:35
  Speaker 1: I think a lot of that probably changed with COVID
• 9:37
  Speaker 1: trying to have social distancing. I know for me, I
• 9:40
  Speaker 1: am a huge fan of takeout at this point. You
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  Speaker 1: tell me I don't have to sit in the restaurant
• 9:45
  Speaker 1: and I can just take it and then I can
• 9:47
  Speaker 1: eat it at home with Kevi and I can wear
• 9:49
  Speaker 1: my sweatpants. That's a pretty good situation. But, yeah, I mean,
• 9:54
  Speaker 1: for sure. I feel for sure on that. The avoidance
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  Speaker 1: of social interactions either planned out. or forced onto us
• 10:01
  Speaker 1: or we just choose it because I know I choose
• 10:03
  Speaker 1: it another one that I struggle with for sure is
• 10:05
  Speaker 1: the idea of like checking our phone every 10 seconds
• 10:09
  Speaker 1: if we don't want to sit in silence I've done
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  Speaker 1: this I don't know what it is about going to
• 10:13
  Speaker 1: the doctor's office but I try to feel like I'm
• 10:15
  Speaker 1: a good patient so I'll go to the doctor for
• 10:17
  Speaker 1: my physical I'll sit down in the chair and And
• 10:19
  Speaker 1: I'd be like, hey, I don't need to be on
• 10:21
  Speaker 1: my phone. I'm perfectly fine just sitting here and in
• 10:24
  Speaker 1: my thoughts. And like one minute goes by. I'm like,
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  Speaker 1: I got to check my fucking phone. I can't do this.
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  Speaker 1: I can't sit here in silence. I got to. Or
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  Speaker 1: if you're standing around waiting for the food that you
• 10:33
  Speaker 1: just ordered on the kiosk, you're standing around. You don't
• 10:35
  Speaker 1: want to sit there by yourself in silence. You check
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  Speaker 1: your phone. So I think that's a big thing that
• 10:40
  Speaker 1: we've kind of picked up on. I don't know about you.
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  Speaker 1: I feel like I definitely used to do this at
• 10:44
  Speaker 1: parties back in the day. It's like my friends were busy.
• 10:47
  Speaker 1: I wasn't talking to anybody to take the phone out.
• 10:49
  Speaker 1: Maybe check the weather, check stuff, scroll a little bit,
• 10:53
  Speaker 1: and then close my phone, put it back away. I
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  Speaker 1: don't know. I feel like that's something that's kind of
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  Speaker 1: been ingrained in us for a little longer than just
• 10:59
  Speaker 1: like COVID. But for sure, I think we as people
• 11:02
  Speaker 1: struggle with silence now. We don't like it.
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  Speaker 3: It's so much easier to occupy your time with being
• 11:09
  Speaker 3: on your phone all the time.
• 11:10
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 11:10
  Speaker 3: I even remember when I was in high school, there
• 11:12
  Speaker 3: was this one girl.
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  Speaker 2: I was at like a basketball game.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah.
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  Speaker 2: She maybe struggled a little bit socially.
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  Speaker 3: And I remember she was just like on the phone
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  Speaker 3: during a basketball game and just like, wasn't really making
• 11:24
  Speaker 3: much sense. It was just kind of like speaking random stuff.
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  Speaker 3: And I was just paying close enough attention to realize like,
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  Speaker 3: what is going on? And then I realized like, I
• 11:32
  Speaker 3: got a good look at her phone and there was
• 11:33
  Speaker 3: no one on the phone ever. She was just like
• 11:36
  Speaker 3: pretending to be on the phone because it feels less awkward, right? And,
• 11:41
  Speaker 3: you know, I haven't pretended to have a phone call,
• 11:44
  Speaker 3: but I've pretended to like have stuff on my phone
• 11:46
  Speaker 3: going on just so that I have something to do
• 11:49
  Speaker 3: and I don't feel awkward. I know that sometimes it's
• 11:52
  Speaker 3: like just standing there doing nothing kind of feels like
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  Speaker 3: I'm doing something suspicious sometimes. Like I'm doing something wrong
• 12:00
  Speaker 3: or something that I shouldn't do. Or I kind of
• 12:02
  Speaker 3: feel like, I don't know, like a creep or something.
• 12:04
  Speaker 3: So like, I feel like just doing something on your
• 12:06
  Speaker 3: phone at least gives you something to do. So you
• 12:08
  Speaker 3: don't feel like you're just making other people uncomfortable. So yeah,
• 12:14
  Speaker 3: we get it that it's, it's easier to check your phone,
• 12:17
  Speaker 3: but it definitely takes away from social interactions and makes
• 12:21
  Speaker 3: it so that you have a hard time meeting other people.
• 12:24
  Speaker 3: I did the same thing the other day. It was
• 12:26
  Speaker 3: at my doctor's office and, uh, I sat there for
• 12:30
  Speaker 3: 30 minutes because my doctor was running late and I
• 12:33
  Speaker 3: didn't touch my phone. And every single other person in
• 12:37
  Speaker 3: the waiting room was on their phone the entire time.
• 12:39
  Speaker 3: Didn't say a word to each other. Didn't hardly even
• 12:41
  Speaker 3: look up. And I was just like, oh, look at
• 12:45
  Speaker 3: these people glued to their phones. And then 30 minutes
• 12:49
  Speaker 3: goes by and I'm like, I got nothing to do.
• 12:52
  Speaker 2: I got to get my phone.
• 12:54
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 12:55
  Speaker 4: Yeah.
• 12:55
  Speaker 1: So. You know, you talk about like the standing there
• 12:58
  Speaker 1: in silence and feeling like uncomfortable. I wonder how much
• 13:01
  Speaker 1: that speaks to like maybe just the overall anxiousness that
• 13:04
  Speaker 1: we all just kind of have now. I was talking
• 13:07
  Speaker 1: with students today doing our health class presentation. And I
• 13:11
  Speaker 1: talked to one of the ideas I mentioned was how
• 13:13
  Speaker 1: it feels like you're walking down the hall and you
• 13:15
  Speaker 1: just have a spotlight on you. Or you're in class
• 13:18
  Speaker 1: and you have this spotlight on you just assuming people
• 13:20
  Speaker 1: or everyone's watching you. When in reality, everyone's just kind
• 13:23
  Speaker 1: of in their own little bubble. And so but it
• 13:25
  Speaker 1: does make it hard. We're just so on edge about things.
• 13:27
  Speaker 1: It makes it feel like we're always being watched. And
• 13:29
  Speaker 1: so we second guess ourselves. We wonder if we're doing
• 13:33
  Speaker 1: things the right way, if we're doing something wrong, even
• 13:35
  Speaker 1: though there's literally nothing wrong with you just standing there waiting.
• 13:38
  Speaker 1: But I get the same way.
• 13:40
  Speaker 3: There is some truth to that, too, where. Kids these days,
• 13:44
  Speaker 3: young people especially, feel like they can't do anything without
• 13:48
  Speaker 3: the threat of being filmed, put online, and ridiculed for it.
• 13:53
  Speaker 3: Like even in one of our high schools in Cheyenne
• 13:56
  Speaker 3: where I work, kids were putting their phones over the
• 14:00
  Speaker 3: stalls in the bathroom. Is this happening at your high
• 14:04
  Speaker 3: school too? And like putting videos of people.
• 14:06
  Speaker 2: Taking a poop online?
• 14:08
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 14:09
  Speaker 3: So kids are afraid to go to the bathroom these days?
• 14:12
  Speaker 3: It's like, what is going on?
• 14:17
  Speaker 1: So there's real threats. Carrie and I had a semi-similar
• 14:20
  Speaker 1: discussion literally last night. I don't remember how we got
• 14:24
  Speaker 1: to the topic. It might have been because I mentioned
• 14:25
  Speaker 1: something about our homecoming dance coming up. But I think
• 14:29
  Speaker 1: her question was basically like, would you rather students dance
• 14:34
  Speaker 1: at dances the way like we used to back in
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  Speaker 1: our day? Like this is kind of bumping and grinding
• 14:38
  Speaker 1: or whatever. Or would you rather they just do what
• 14:40
  Speaker 1: they do now where they just kind of jump around
• 14:41
  Speaker 1: and nobody really goes to dances and it just kind
• 14:44
  Speaker 1: of seems like dances are lame? And I thought about it.
• 14:47
  Speaker 1: I was like, without sounding weird, for the sake of
• 14:50
  Speaker 1: the kids and them having fun, I kind of wish
• 14:52
  Speaker 1: that they could go back to the way dances used
• 14:55
  Speaker 1: to be where people were just sweaty as fuck and
• 14:57
  Speaker 1: having a good time dancing. And we talked about it more.
• 15:00
  Speaker 1: I was like, yeah, part of it is the fear
• 15:02
  Speaker 1: that you're going to be filmed and the fear that
• 15:04
  Speaker 1: someone's going to put it online and make fun of you.
• 15:07
  Speaker 1: We feel like we're Everyone feels they're under their own microscope,
• 15:11
  Speaker 1: even though no one cares what you're doing. They're too
• 15:14
  Speaker 1: worried about themselves and feeling like they look dumb.
• 15:17
  Speaker 2: Well, you heard it here.
• 15:19
  Speaker 3: Eddie is pro bumping and grinding.
• 15:22
  Speaker 1: And you know what? Me too. Whatever makes the kids happy, man.
• 15:26
  Speaker 1: I just want them to be free spirits, happy, and
• 15:29
  Speaker 1: no fear of being filmed and looking, quote, dumb. Just
• 15:33
  Speaker 1: doing what makes you happy. Yeah. I don't know. Yeah,
• 15:37
  Speaker 1: I feel like dances have kind of lost... Maybe it's
• 15:39
  Speaker 1: just our high school thing, but I feel like dances
• 15:41
  Speaker 1: have also just lost their... They used to be special,
• 15:44
  Speaker 1: like homecoming, prom, you get dressed up, you go take pictures,
• 15:48
  Speaker 1: go to dinner, and then you go have a good
• 15:50
  Speaker 1: time with your friends for like three or four hours
• 15:51
  Speaker 1: at whatever location it is, and then that's it. But now,
• 15:54
  Speaker 1: I like to go to prom and just see the
• 15:56
  Speaker 1: kids and say hi and all that. Not a lot
• 15:59
  Speaker 1: of people like to stay the whole time. Not a
• 16:01
  Speaker 1: lot of kids like to anymore. It just doesn't seem
• 16:03
  Speaker 1: as like special anymore. I don't know. I don't know.
• 16:07
  Speaker 1: We sound like old men on the rocking chair on
• 16:09
  Speaker 1: our front porch, just like whittling a spoon, just, yeah,
• 16:13
  Speaker 1: you know, back in our day.
• 16:15
  Speaker 2: Back in my day, we listened to the Little Johns.
• 16:17
  Speaker 1: Screaming, yeah. And we didn't leave no room for Jesus.
• 16:21
  Speaker 2: And the East Side Boys. All the East Side Boys.
• 16:24
  Speaker 1: Ursh or John and Luda had to do it again. Oh, man.
• 16:28
  Speaker 1: It was classics.
• 16:29
  Speaker 3: You know, like, our generation had just the.
• 16:33
  Speaker 2: Nastiest music, right? Like.
• 16:37
  Speaker 3: Dana and I talk about this frequently where it's like
• 16:40
  Speaker 3: we had the most sexual music.
• 16:43
  Speaker 2: And I don't know like where it came from. We
• 16:45
  Speaker 2: were like early teens.
• 16:47
  Speaker 1: We're like, you know what?
• 16:48
  Speaker 2: I do like candy shop. What a tune.
• 16:50
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah. I've seen this trend on TikTok where people
• 16:56
  Speaker 1: post a picture of themselves like in elementary school or
• 16:58
  Speaker 1: middle school. And it's just like them just looking like
• 17:01
  Speaker 1: an awkward preteen or tween. And it says like, this
• 17:05
  Speaker 1: is what I look like when I used to think
• 17:06
  Speaker 1: that I had that bootylicious bubble yum or whatever. Yeah.
• 17:11
  Speaker 1: We were in an interesting time with like Atlanta hip
• 17:15
  Speaker 1: hop and Bay Area music and just like. Yeah. Yeah. Man,
• 17:19
  Speaker 1: how lucky are we? Anyway. We are so very lucky.
• 17:23
  Speaker 3: But yeah, even studies show that younger people, younger generations,
• 17:27
  Speaker 3: they don't want that in their music.
• 17:29
  Speaker 2: They don't want.
• 17:30
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 17:31
  Speaker 2: Highly sexualized music. And I'm like, that's all we had.
• 17:33
  Speaker 2: That was all pop music was.
• 17:36
  Speaker 1: I feel like it's even less about the content of
• 17:39
  Speaker 1: the songs. It's just the amount that the bass was
• 17:42
  Speaker 1: slapping in my ears. That's what I wanted. That's all
• 17:45
  Speaker 1: I cared. If the bass was making my heart skip
• 17:47
  Speaker 1: a beat, we were in a good spot.
• 17:49
  Speaker 2: Yeah, we couldn't not bump and grind. That was what
• 17:53
  Speaker 2: the music made us do.
• 17:55
  Speaker 1: We had no choice. Is our episode on bumping and
• 17:57
  Speaker 1: grinding your social skills? Back on track. I like this.
• 18:02
  Speaker 1: This is fun. Yeah. Let's just pivot. Let's end it
• 18:04
  Speaker 1: right there. No, we'll keep going. We're changing.
• 18:10
  Speaker 3: Well, we brought up COVID a little bit, and I
• 18:12
  Speaker 3: have had lots of parents of patients tell me that
• 18:16
  Speaker 3: COVID was kind of a catalyst. It's what set off
• 18:19
  Speaker 3: a lot of these bad habits and receding into our phones,
• 18:24
  Speaker 3: using our phones, especially for kids, as a way to
• 18:27
  Speaker 3: not have to interact with others. And then when we
• 18:30
  Speaker 3: got back into school, it was hard to break those trends,
• 18:34
  Speaker 3: those habits that COVID had formed.
• 18:37
  Speaker 2: So, yeah, a catalyst in a way.
• 18:40
  Speaker 1: The social rustiness, this is our term we're going to
• 18:42
  Speaker 1: coin just for today. But think of like how much
• 18:44
  Speaker 1: of a prominent role like social media and the internet
• 18:47
  Speaker 1: took in our lives. AI has been a big piece
• 18:50
  Speaker 1: of that. The amount of people that use AI consistently, constantly.
• 18:55
  Speaker 1: I feel like one of the counselors the other day
• 18:57
  Speaker 1: was like, they were talking about how a student was like,
• 18:59
  Speaker 1: oh yeah, I just got to ask ChatGPT what it thinks.
• 19:01
  Speaker 1: And it's like, or you can just think and maybe
• 19:05
  Speaker 1: come up with something. But yeah, you know, it is
• 19:07
  Speaker 1: a tool. We get it. We get it. But another
• 19:09
  Speaker 1: interesting point that I noticed like while researching for the
• 19:13
  Speaker 1: episode is the increase in parasocial relationships, thinking about how
• 19:18
  Speaker 1: it started to take over for real relationships, things like podcasts, vlogs,
• 19:21
  Speaker 1: social media. having people focus on influencers and celebrities instead
• 19:26
  Speaker 1: of people in their life. I think the flogs really
• 19:28
  Speaker 1: took over when we were younger, maybe like in the
• 19:31
  Speaker 1: high school, college age, right? Like those were pretty popular.
• 19:34
  Speaker 1: But I feel like they've just kind of continued and
• 19:36
  Speaker 1: even maybe have a more prominent role in some people's
• 19:39
  Speaker 1: lives because they feel like this is, you know, their
• 19:42
  Speaker 1: parasocial relationship. Like they need to see how so-and-so is
• 19:45
  Speaker 1: doing or what what did this person do in their
• 19:47
  Speaker 1: last vlog instead of having like their own kind of
• 19:51
  Speaker 1: events and situations and things that they're doing in their own.
• 19:53
  Speaker 3: Life so many of the normal parts of society are
• 19:57
  Speaker 3: being taken over by commercialization and the internet like we
• 20:03
  Speaker 3: used to hang out with people in person and that
• 20:07
  Speaker 3: was how we filled our cups and Now we have
• 20:09
  Speaker 3: social media where most young people get their social interactions.
• 20:13
  Speaker 3: We used to have relationships and we used to have
• 20:17
  Speaker 3: romantic relationships. Now we have things like OnlyFans and a
• 20:21
  Speaker 3: lot of pornography. Like I heard some statistic recently that
• 20:24
  Speaker 3: was just like in one year, humans watch about like
• 20:28
  Speaker 3: a half a million years worth of porn. Yeah, like
• 20:34
  Speaker 3: an ungodly, literally ungodly amount of porn. It just seems
• 20:39
  Speaker 3: like all these little facets are being taken over by technology.
• 20:42
  Speaker 3: You mentioned AI. A lot of young people, like a
• 20:45
  Speaker 3: surprising amount of young people are getting their companionship and
• 20:48
  Speaker 3: their friendship from chatbots. And as a general rule, technology
• 20:53
  Speaker 3: relationships or connections through technology tend to make you feel
• 20:57
  Speaker 3: more lonely. But Connections in real life, in person, tend
• 21:02
  Speaker 3: to make you feel better, less lonely, more connected. I
• 21:05
  Speaker 3: think that's one of the biggest themes of today's episode.
• 21:08
  Speaker 3: This is why this is important, is that connectedness to
• 21:11
  Speaker 3: your community, your family, your school, that's important for your
• 21:15
  Speaker 3: mental health. That's important for your mental well-being. And we're
• 21:19
  Speaker 3: missing that. We're having that taken away by the tech
• 21:22
  Speaker 3: companies these days.
• 21:23
  Speaker 1: Maybe another piece along those same lines is we're having
• 21:27
  Speaker 1: less of I don't know if this is like a
• 21:30
  Speaker 1: productive struggle or like having like the inconvenience of like,
• 21:35
  Speaker 1: I need to go do this, pick this up, come
• 21:37
  Speaker 1: back to my house or I need to do these things. Now,
• 21:39
  Speaker 1: to your point, the tech companies have eliminated that. And
• 21:43
  Speaker 1: one thing I highlighted in the notes was delivery apps,
• 21:46
  Speaker 1: getting your food delivered. Like, you know, you don't even
• 21:48
  Speaker 1: have to talk to the person anymore. Like you don't
• 21:50
  Speaker 1: have to get up and go order something and wait
• 21:53
  Speaker 1: or call. and order something, go pick it up on
• 21:55
  Speaker 1: your own, just somebody else brings it to you, and
• 21:57
  Speaker 1: we've kind of removed a lot of struggles in our lives,
• 22:00
  Speaker 1: our inconveniences, and, you know, we kind of get a
• 22:02
  Speaker 1: little over-relying on those things. Another thing that's been kind
• 22:06
  Speaker 1: of an interest of mine, not doing, like, a ton of, like,
• 22:10
  Speaker 1: deep dives or anything, but just, like, when podcasts, like,
• 22:13
  Speaker 1: The Daily or The Journal or Up First or whatever
• 22:15
  Speaker 1: they talk about it, but just this idea of lack
• 22:17
  Speaker 1: of third spaces. People are spending less time in a
• 22:21
  Speaker 1: third spot, like a specific coffee shop or a specific
• 22:25
  Speaker 1: shopping center or this park or their gym community is
• 22:29
  Speaker 1: where they really like to spend their time. People just
• 22:31
  Speaker 1: have less third spaces. One, I think because a lot
• 22:36
  Speaker 1: of places are becoming less and less walkable towns and
• 22:39
  Speaker 1: cities and having less and less of those things around.
• 22:42
  Speaker 1: But the other piece of it too is just economic pressures.
• 22:44
  Speaker 1: It's hard to have extra money to spend on these things.
• 22:47
  Speaker 1: It's hard to For some people, it can be difficult
• 22:49
  Speaker 1: to even scrape together $ 10, $ 15 to go to a
• 22:53
  Speaker 1: coffee shop every weekend with their partner by themselves just
• 22:56
  Speaker 1: to have a space that they enjoy to go. And
• 22:59
  Speaker 1: so I think that's a big piece to it too
• 23:00
  Speaker 1: is we are just– the opportunity to be social is less.
• 23:05
  Speaker 1: We just have less spaces for that.
• 23:07
  Speaker 3: Growing up, did you spend a lot of time at
• 23:08
  Speaker 3: the mall?
• 23:09
  Speaker 1: I think a decent chunk for sure. And not even
• 23:13
  Speaker 1: specifically for anything. It would just be like laps around
• 23:16
  Speaker 1: the mall.
• 23:17
  Speaker 2: Yeah, go hang out.
• 23:18
  Speaker 3: Go check out the pet store. Go do stuff.
• 23:21
  Speaker 2: Those types of places. Yeah, go check out the GameStop.
• 23:25
  Speaker 3: There's an arcade in there.
• 23:26
  Speaker 2: That always helped.
• 23:27
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 23:27
  Speaker 2: Go play some Time Crisis.
• 23:29
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Jeez, what a throwback.
• 23:32
  Speaker 2: I love Time Crisis.
• 23:34
  Speaker 1: Yeah. We can say stuff about like, oh, people just
• 23:37
  Speaker 1: are less social. But I think we've also removed the
• 23:40
  Speaker 1: opportunities for people to be social. So that makes it hard. Yeah,
• 23:44
  Speaker 1: for sure. To expect anyone to want to be social.
• 23:47
  Speaker 3: Yeah, as time goes on, we're getting further and further
• 23:49
  Speaker 3: entrenched into.
• 23:50
  Speaker 2: This, and it's harder to get out of that rut.
• 23:53
  Speaker 2: We live in a very polarized world.
• 23:56
  Speaker 3: One of the things that I've been really diving into,
• 24:01
  Speaker 3: especially after reading the book, The Anxious Generation, and I've
• 24:04
  Speaker 3: been actually holding community discussions on that book, is that
• 24:10
  Speaker 3: kids spend so much time on their tablet. It's like,
• 24:14
  Speaker 3: imagine a three or a four year old spending two
• 24:18
  Speaker 3: hours a day on their tablet. That's two hours a
• 24:22
  Speaker 3: day that they're not interacting with people. And what we
• 24:25
  Speaker 3: know about, about childhood learning and brain development is that
• 24:29
  Speaker 3: interactions with people are how kids learn. Like that's how
• 24:34
  Speaker 3: they learn emotional regulation. That's how they learn social skills.
• 24:37
  Speaker 3: That's how they learn how to ask questions, how to
• 24:40
  Speaker 3: problem solve. Like, They learn by being with other people.
• 24:45
  Speaker 3: And a big chunk of their wakeful time is being
• 24:51
  Speaker 3: dedicated to screens and is taking away from that face-to-face interactions.
• 24:55
  Speaker 3: So I think that's one of the biggest reasons why
• 24:57
  Speaker 3: we're struggling with all this is because it's changing the
• 25:00
  Speaker 3: way children are growing up. It's changing their brain development
• 25:04
  Speaker 3: because we're having less child-based play.
• 25:07
  Speaker 1: We've talked about the anxious generation a lot, and I
• 25:09
  Speaker 1: think there's a lot of good stuff in that book.
• 25:12
  Speaker 1: I think there's definitely some of the absolutes of no
• 25:15
  Speaker 1: social media until this age. There's no absolute parts of that.
• 25:19
  Speaker 1: It's kind of hard to get on board with, but
• 25:22
  Speaker 1: I think the play-based childhood, for sure, having less of
• 25:29
  Speaker 1: that has really had a long-lasting impact on a lot
• 25:31
  Speaker 1: of our kids and teens and even young adults now.
• 25:35
  Speaker 1: One thing I wanted to mention, too, talked a little
• 25:38
  Speaker 1: bit about like the productive struggle piece or like the
• 25:40
  Speaker 1: inconveniences but we've also had like this um therapist therapist
• 25:46
  Speaker 1: ization of everything or therapy ization of everything uh this
• 25:50
  Speaker 1: idea of protecting your peace so people will be like
• 25:53
  Speaker 1: oh i'm setting this boundary or i'm again protecting my
• 25:56
  Speaker 1: peace but we've kind of shifted a little too far
• 26:01
  Speaker 1: to one side where now people are kind of letting
• 26:04
  Speaker 1: go of of social relationships because there's small inconveniences in
• 26:08
  Speaker 1: their relationship that they're just not tolerating anymore. We're not
• 26:12
  Speaker 1: giving people second chances anymore. We're just quickly being like, no,
• 26:15
  Speaker 1: that's enough. I don't need to have you in my
• 26:18
  Speaker 1: life anymore. We've maybe gone a little too far in
• 26:20
  Speaker 1: the therapy speak to one side and really just lost
• 26:24
  Speaker 1: out on social relationships because of that.
• 26:27
  Speaker 3: One of the trends that I've really noticed in my
• 26:28
  Speaker 3: teenage girls that I work with is a.
• 26:31
  Speaker 2: Lot of them have no friends. It's so weird.
• 26:36
  Speaker 3: So many of these young girls who are smart, successful, driven, interesting,
• 26:42
  Speaker 3: got good hobbies, they come into my office and they're like,
• 26:44
  Speaker 3: I don't have any friends.
• 26:45
  Speaker 2: I don't hang out with anyone in school.
• 26:47
  Speaker 1: I don't do anything.
• 26:49
  Speaker 3: And I think, you know, you ask them like, oh,
• 26:51
  Speaker 3: I had some friends. Then we had a falling out.
• 26:53
  Speaker 3: We never talked about it again. And I think a
• 26:57
  Speaker 3: lot of times what they tell me is they have
• 26:58
  Speaker 3: like tiffs with people over text. And then what happens
• 27:02
  Speaker 3: is they get mad at each other. They block each
• 27:05
  Speaker 3: other and that's it. Like when you block each other
• 27:08
  Speaker 3: and you don't ever like actually have to make up
• 27:11
  Speaker 3: in person, it's not really going to get any better.
• 27:14
  Speaker 3: Like the point of relationships is to use those breaks,
• 27:18
  Speaker 3: use those struggles to build the relationship and grow stronger.
• 27:23
  Speaker 3: But these days, it's so much easier to just block
• 27:26
  Speaker 3: people and try and find new friends online that will
• 27:30
  Speaker 3: listen to you and validate you. So kids have very
• 27:33
  Speaker 3: shallow relationships that aren't really growing over time.
• 27:37
  Speaker 1: Don't get us wrong. Setting boundaries and blocking people that
• 27:40
  Speaker 1: are just being outright disrespectful, for sure. That makes total sense.
• 27:43
  Speaker 1: But yeah, I think to your point, it feels like
• 27:47
  Speaker 1: it's just been easier to just give up on something
• 27:49
  Speaker 1: and then not address it again. And that's it. And
• 27:52
  Speaker 1: I think on the other end, I feel like I've
• 27:54
  Speaker 1: seen maybe just across the board, kids just not having
• 27:57
  Speaker 1: as many friends or having friends because that interaction piece
• 28:01
  Speaker 1: is just hard. Everything we've kind of talked about today
• 28:05
  Speaker 1: has kind of been a snapshot as things have changed.
• 28:10
  Speaker 1: We live very different lives than we lived 15 years ago.
• 28:14
  Speaker 1: So if we want to make improvements, what can we do?
• 28:16
  Speaker 1: We have some ideas already. Hopefully they seem doable, but
• 28:20
  Speaker 1: we have some ideas. I really like this first one. Microvalidations.
• 28:25
  Speaker 1: I like the way this was put when I was researching.
• 28:27
  Speaker 1: People are starving to be seen in an isolated world.
• 28:31
  Speaker 1: We've talked about the loneliness epidemic. People want connection. We
• 28:36
  Speaker 1: just don't remember how to do it anymore. So even
• 28:39
  Speaker 1: things like giving small, genuine, real-time compliments... can make a
• 28:43
  Speaker 1: big difference in people's lives and have a big difference
• 28:46
  Speaker 1: in your confidence and ability to spark up those random conversations.
• 28:51
  Speaker 1: Things like complimenting someone's jacket, acknowledging a coworker's good point
• 28:55
  Speaker 1: in a meeting. I've seen TikToks of people who are
• 28:57
  Speaker 1: really trying to push themselves to be a little more
• 28:59
  Speaker 1: social and try to talk to people they don't usually
• 29:01
  Speaker 1: talk to. There'll be a whole video of how they're
• 29:05
  Speaker 1: at some type of convention or something. Oh, hey, I
• 29:08
  Speaker 1: really like that jacket you have. Oh, thanks so much.
• 29:10
  Speaker 1: This is my brand, blah, blah, blah. Here, come check
• 29:12
  Speaker 1: out my store. Come check out my pop-up shop, whatever,
• 29:15
  Speaker 1: things like that. Just made a real connection because you
• 29:19
  Speaker 1: gave that quick real-time micro-validation and compliment out in the
• 29:25
  Speaker 1: sphere of social interaction. So I don't know. I really
• 29:29
  Speaker 1: like that point of people are starving to be seen.
• 29:32
  Speaker 1: People want to be noticed and connected. We just have
• 29:35
  Speaker 1: a really hard time with starting that.
• 29:38
  Speaker 2: It seems like there's a huge barrier these days.
• 29:40
  Speaker 3: To just make eye contact with people sometimes and start
• 29:43
  Speaker 3: a conversation.
• 29:44
  Speaker 2: But I do that one all the time.
• 29:46
  Speaker 3: And it's something I actually had to learn over time
• 29:48
  Speaker 3: is I'll always say like, hey, I like your shirt. Hey,
• 29:52
  Speaker 3: I like your jacket. And it's a great way to
• 29:54
  Speaker 3: start a conversation, especially when I always try and have
• 29:56
  Speaker 3: it be genuine. I never just like, Hey, cool pants, kid.
• 30:01
  Speaker 1: Sick pants.
• 30:02
  Speaker 3: Like if someone's got a sweet sublime shirt, a cool
• 30:04
  Speaker 3: Nirvana shirt, a pink Floyd, some of like my favorite music,
• 30:09
  Speaker 3: I use that as a way to like guide that
• 30:11
  Speaker 3: conversation into talking about something that I actually care about.
• 30:14
  Speaker 2: And they clearly care about too, or else they wouldn't
• 30:16
  Speaker 2: be wearing the shirt.
• 30:17
  Speaker 3: And if they don't care about it and are just
• 30:19
  Speaker 3: wearing the shirt, then I'll make fun of them. But
• 30:24
  Speaker 3: just kidding. Point number two, or recommendation number two, active
• 30:31
  Speaker 3: curiosity over dynamic speaking. So good socializing isn't about being
• 30:36
  Speaker 3: the funniest or the most charismatic person in the room.
• 30:39
  Speaker 3: It's about being a listener, a great listener. So shift
• 30:43
  Speaker 3: questions to... how questions and why questions. So instead of
• 30:48
  Speaker 3: saying like, hey, what do you do? You can say,
• 30:53
  Speaker 3: how did you end up in that field? How did
• 30:55
  Speaker 3: you get here? Some good questions to shift that and
• 30:58
  Speaker 3: get people talking about their story.
• 30:59
  Speaker 1: And I think the final point we'll make a recommendation
• 31:02
  Speaker 1: is I think a lot of us feel like the
• 31:04
  Speaker 1: scary part of the social interaction is feeling like we
• 31:07
  Speaker 1: are now stuck in this social interaction we just put
• 31:10
  Speaker 1: ourselves in. So our recommendation is the idea of mastering
• 31:13
  Speaker 1: the exit strategy. And we're not saying an Irish goodbye
• 31:16
  Speaker 1: where you just walk away and don't tell anybody. But
• 31:19
  Speaker 1: we want you to have a specific, strategic, and intentional
• 31:22
  Speaker 1: exit strategy. This looks like, again, people getting scared to
• 31:26
  Speaker 1: be stuck in endless conversations. And then we're not going
• 31:28
  Speaker 1: to start one in the first place. But this is
• 31:30
  Speaker 1: how we get out of it. You want to keep
• 31:31
  Speaker 1: it polite, warm, and ready so you feel like you're
• 31:34
  Speaker 1: in control. So you've been talking to someone for a while.
• 31:36
  Speaker 1: You met someone new, whatever it is. You're at a party.
• 31:38
  Speaker 1: You're at a get-together. You meet a friend of the friend.
• 31:41
  Speaker 1: You've been talking for a while. You feel like the
• 31:43
  Speaker 1: conversation's ending. You just tell them, it was really great
• 31:45
  Speaker 1: to catch up. I'm going to go grab a drink
• 31:47
  Speaker 1: or I'm going to go check on this other friend.
• 31:49
  Speaker 1: But let's talk again soon. That is a good way
• 31:52
  Speaker 1: to end the conversation so somebody feels like, yeah, I
• 31:55
  Speaker 1: did have a good time speaking with this person. And
• 31:57
  Speaker 1: we ended at a good stopping spot. And it makes
• 32:00
  Speaker 1: it so it's less scary to start a conversation in
• 32:03
  Speaker 1: the first place because I for sure feel that. I'd
• 32:07
  Speaker 1: rather just not start the conversation at all if I
• 32:09
  Speaker 1: feel like I'm worried that I'm going to be stuck
• 32:10
  Speaker 1: in it for a long time.
• 32:11
  Speaker 3: It's nice to just know that you have an out
• 32:13
  Speaker 3: in case you need it.
• 32:14
  Speaker 2: Safety valve.
• 32:16
  Speaker 3: So in doing these things, are your social skills going
• 32:19
  Speaker 3: to change overnight?
• 32:20
  Speaker 1: No.
• 32:21
  Speaker 3: But just trying, just committing to it is going to
• 32:25
  Speaker 3: be something that helps you be able to form some
• 32:27
  Speaker 3: deeper connections, meet some new people, connect with people in person,
• 32:31
  Speaker 3: and strengthen those social skills. And that's the step in
• 32:34
  Speaker 3: the right direction that we hope that you take.
• 32:37
  Speaker 2: This is your life.
• 32:37
  Speaker 3: These are your decisions. But if it's something that is
• 32:39
  Speaker 3: meaningful for you, Make it happen. The thing that I
• 32:43
  Speaker 3: tell my patients all the time is social skills are
• 32:46
  Speaker 3: a lot like muscles. If you use them, they get stronger.
• 32:49
  Speaker 2: They get better.
• 32:50
  Speaker 3: But if you don't use them, they atrophy and they
• 32:52
  Speaker 3: get weak and they're hard to get back to where
• 32:55
  Speaker 3: you were because they haven't been used in so long.
• 32:59
  Speaker 1: I think that's exactly what happened to all of us
• 33:01
  Speaker 1: during COVID for sure. That's a great way to put it.
• 33:05
  Speaker 1: We just kind of lost it. And this is an
• 33:07
  Speaker 1: opportunity to get it back because, again, I think people
• 33:09
  Speaker 1: are starving for that social connection. Well, we hope you
• 33:13
  Speaker 1: enjoyed all of today's episode, especially talking about the best
• 33:17
  Speaker 1: time period when it comes to music, the early 2000s,
• 33:18
  Speaker 1: hip-hop and R & B. We hope you could take
• 33:22
  Speaker 1: something from our social skills conversation, potentially make some improvements
• 33:25
  Speaker 1: in your life. You know where to find us at,
• 33:27
  Speaker 1: MillennialMHC on all social media, MillennialMHC.com. Find us on Apple
• 33:31
  Speaker 1: Podcasts and Spotify, which you probably already did if you
• 33:34
  Speaker 1: listened to this episode. Give us a five-star review. It
• 33:36
  Speaker 1: helps other people find us. Leave us a comment if
• 33:38
  Speaker 1: you'd like to do so. We'll shout you out on
• 33:39
  Speaker 1: the next episode. And remember, Take care of y'all mentals. Yeah!
• 33:49
  Speaker 3: The content provided in this podcast is for informational purposes
• 33:52
  Speaker 3: only and does not constitute legal, medical, or professional advice.
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