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Beyond the Taboo: Honest Conversations About Sex, Separation, and Grace · Doing Marriage Well

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  Doing Marriage Well for September 12, 2026 I could go a lot of ways to talk
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  about adulting in your marriage bed.
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  I could talk about not seeking sex when your spouse has had a hard day.
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  I could talk about offering your spouse sex when you've had a hard day.
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  But I'm going to land on when you are separated or your spouse can't.
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  While sex in marriage is a couple thing, sex drive is not.
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  Most men, and many women, continue to have their normal sex drive regardless
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  of what their spouse is going through or if they are apart.
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  Think of it like this. Some of us lose our appetite when our spouse is struggling, and some don't.
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  I wish my sex drive cut out when my wife was sick or stressed or otherwise unavailable,
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  but that's not how God made me.
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  If your sex drive is still going strong when you're apart or your spouse is
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  unable to have sex, do you just cross your legs and try not to think about it?
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  I don't think running around aroused is wise. It's annoying,
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  it's distracting, and it can put us in a place of temptation.
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  All this is also true when we're separated for a few days or longer.
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  Yes, I'm going to suggest do-it-yourself release of sexual tension.
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  I think it's the adult thing to do.
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  If your spouse is going to be away from you, slip a sex toy or a bottle of lube
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  into their suitcase along with a note that says, Think of me.
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  Or leave such a gift on their pillow at home. Even better, arrange to call each
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  other for a bit of phone sex.
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  As for not being able to have sex, some take a very legalistic stand on 1 Corinthians
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  7, a stand which is devoid of love, caring, and grace.
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  There will be times it's not reasonable to expect your spouse to be willing or able to be sexual.
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  And as I said about other things this week, it's not your job to judge if they are right about that.
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  If she says, I can't, then you accept that she can't. Likewise, if he says he can't.
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  If it happens a great deal, apart from illness, chronic pain,
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  or a season of crazy, then you need to have a discussion.
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  But most of the time, you should accept that they can't and ask what you can
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  do for them to make things easier.
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  If your spouse is unable, would they rather you take care of yourself in bed
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  next to them or apart from them?
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  Aside from the other things I mentioned, doing this means you're not like a
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  vulture waiting for your spouse to be good enough to take care of you.
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  I suggest you have a discussion about this before you're in the situation.
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  Work through any concerns and come up with a plan. By the way,
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  if you're the unable spouse, You can make it easier by touching your spouse
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  to arouse them And then asking them to finish what you started This can also
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  open the way for some emotional intimacy,
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  A personal request Lori has been struggling with her health for a couple of
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  months We finally have an appointment with a specialist Three weeks from now,
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  She is in pretty much constant discomfort and far worse It's really weighing
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  on her mentally and emotionally She asked me to ask y'all for your prayers,
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  This is Paul and I've had ample opportunity to work on my adulting recently I don't know.