Latest / Bird on a Branch / Ep. 07 | The Year Everything Threatened My Life (And What It Taught Me)
Transcript
- Carrie: you from my car because this is where I am most of the time. Not ideal for podcasting. But I just I feel really strongly that you, the collective, may need to hear this has been coming up a lot and I just wan share with you that one of the main reasons I started this whole podcast is to reach more people to share ⁓ How I have been able to walk some of the darkest, hardest, most horrific things that someone could even imagine, ⁓ I was able to process them and transmute them. That is not to say that I don't struggle and I don't continue to walk this walk every single day. That is to say that I do walk this walk and use those tools every single day. But what I want to say ⁓ to be radically honest is that n no one there's all this like stuff on on socials that ⁓ love and light, be love and light, be ⁓ positive, positively. Like I'm a huge believer in practices of spiritual connection, prayer, you know, w being in service of God or whatever you believe in. Yes, absolutely. But you are not going to be love and light every single day. You're not gonna be able to. You are human ⁓ And the goal is to be radically honest with meeting yourself where you are. That includes meeting others where they are too. That doesn't mean you have to put up with it. But the the point of this conversation is more about meeting yourself with honesty and then having that honest process with the emotions and the ⁓ and the feelings and the state that you're in. ⁓ And and honoring the process. Part of transmuting trauma and darkness and hard moments and hard days and hard weeks and hard like challenging times and chapters is being very honest with yourself that you are feeling dark and and h it's hard and That's part of the transmutation. That's part of transmuting pain into would I what I say is purpose or gold or the lesson or it's transmuting. It means sitting with your pain, not judging it or shunning it away or suppressing it, because that is not what is going to help you. But sitting with it in in an acute period of time, understanding it, understanding where it's coming from tending to and you know the th a lot a big theme in this podcast is inner child because a lot of our pain comes from the inner child within that holds the wounds from the the feelings and the innate needs that were not met from our caretakers. ninety nine point nine percent of the time our triggers and challenging moments and days and weeks are obviously coming from circumstances we can't control, but the reactions within our nervous system are coming from the child that did not get what they needed in order to cope. Am I placing blame? No. Am I I'm going to talk more about inner child, bear with me, but I think it's really important that like for example, there was a two year period of time in college where I was being pummeled with trauma. I was in my dorm caught on fire. I mean, I literally thought that God wanted me dead. I was young. I didn't understand like what I understand now as much as I do now. But I truly thought like so many things around me were happening ⁓ and they were so to my nervous system and so scary and so horrifying and traumatic I literally thought like, well God must want me dead and what I didn't understand after like our my my dorm caught on fire and I had to like ⁓ me and my RA pulled the the the p one a person out of that fire and it it was horrific and we had to, you know, live through that and then shortly after that or shortly before that, a dorm mate dorm mate was brutally murdered. She was beautiful soul i i all in a two year period and then shortly after that I was stalked by a psychotic person who was basically after me to try and kill me. And then shortly after that I took a break from school and went home and visited my sister at the time Arizona and my plane caught on fire ⁓ we had to emergency land. And then I was like totally convinced that I was just meant to die. Even though I wasn't dead I felt like everywhere I turned there was something hard happening and something that threatened my life. And so long story like following that year I went I changed schools and as soon as I changed schools I was witness to a shooting and that led to having to be a witness because I was the only s person that saw and called nine one one And I'm gonna go more into these things, but just give you like a snapshot of that is a period of time where a lot of my trauma still holds a lot of charge. And how I've been able to transmute that is to understand the process. What is it bringing up for me? How is it mirroring feelings from my childhood as to not safety, who's here to protect me, how do I get through this alone, no one understands me. It it It is not coincidental that these things mirror our already beliefs that live inside of us. The only way to transmute difficult, hard, traumatic situations, whether it's small T trauma or big T trauma, is to sit with your honest feelings. I would encourage you to get help from a r a really good professional, whether it's a a you know, a coach like me who does like emotional, spiritual guidance and transformational coaching. ⁓ trauma informed or if you're more drawn to conventional therapy, but in addition to you have to be healing yourself. You have to you have to participate in the healing of your own self. that includes being very honest about where are these feelings coming from, what is true, what are the beliefs around this. Track the wound. And can, and I did take what I thought was happening at the time when I was being pummeled with like crazy hard things that were literally threatening my life and I understood, you know what, if God wanted me dead, I would be dead. God doesn't want me dead. there are lessons in this for me. And what are the lessons? And slowly walking myself through what does this mean for me? And what is the actual lesson. And how can I connect deeper to my faith and understand what God wants for me? And because I made it through those things, I clearly have a purpose that I'm supposed to use these things to understand myself better and the world around me. It is a whole process, but honor the process by starting with the emotion and how it links to your inner child because I promise you a small tea trauma or big tea trauma. Guarantee is triggering your inner child and some and is reminding your nervous system of something you've already been through or a belief system that formed as a child. So I just wanted to put that out there because felt like you guys needed to hear that. I promise I will go more into these like crazy stories. That is a fourth of what has actually happened in my whole life. But there was a l a two year period of time in college where I was just like, ⁓ wow Like everywhere I turn is a giant threat to my life ⁓ lot of beliefs were formed from that and a lot of them were mirroring my childhood and I I had to find a way to transmute that and turn them into how can evolve my soul? How can I not be the victim? Because that's very easy to fall into when there's things happening to you or around you. I do believe things happen for us, for the evolution of our soul, but you've got to get there. You've got to do the work, you've got to put in the time and you've got to be willing. You cannot be ⁓ fall into trap of the devil ⁓ or the or whatever and become a victim and become afraid of life. That is just exactly what God doesn't want for us. And if you believe in like lower entities, that's exactly what they want, is for us to live in fear and reaction. So I really hope that you understand what I'm saying and that this reaches who it's supposed to reach. It's important. It's a core of why I'm here. It's important work the honest process and the radical honesty of your feelings and where it's coming from is the start, the awareness is the start f to your healing and I promise you this is the beginning of transmuting pain into purpose or pain into power or whatever you want to say.