Latest / Behind Every Great Man / Staying Connected To Ourselves
Transcript
- Jessica Zubchevich: Behind every great man is a great confident exceptional woman. Hi, and welcome to Behind Every Great Man. I am Jessica, your host. Behind every great man is a great woman who keeps one hand on her own heart while showing up for everyone else. Last episode, we talked about finding her again, finding you again, getting lost in showing up for other people. And this episode is about. Staying connected with her, not losing her again. And I find this one to be my biggest challenge, my biggest work right now. How do we stay connected to ourselves? Not at some retreat or going away, but staying connected to ourselves when we are in daily grind of life, ⁓ when we are folding laundry, when we are prepping for dinner, when you're in the carpool lane, ⁓ staying connected to ourselves. And if we're not intentional about this, if we are not doing this on purpose, we get lost. We're gonna get lost again. And that's what we want to prevent. So let's talk about it. And this isn't anything new for women. Women have been doing this for generations. ⁓ Your mom, your grandma, your great grandma. I know without knowing each of you personally yet, maybe some I do, ⁓ that. You've seen this, you've experienced this, you have witnessed this probably your whole life. Our mom's losing ourselves completely in family and giving everything she has, leaving her completely depleted. This is what we want to prevent. And I think about my own mom. My mom, when I was growing up, like elementary school, was so freaking cool. She's cool now, but then. She was so cool. So when my sister and I were born, we lived in Hollywood, California. And then my parents moved to New Jersey for my dad's work. They divorced when we were pretty young. And then it was me, my mom, and sister. And my mom would wear these long skirts, beautiful long, flowy skirts, these long beaded earrings. And I remember one field trip in my elementary school that my mom was the chaperone. And she wore this hat that had the biggest feather you've ever seen hanging out of a out of a hat. She was on the bus and she's turning to talk to people and she's whacking kids in the face with this feather. And I just thought she was the coolest ⁓ woman around. ⁓ No other moms look like that, especially where we were at that time. We were in a little rural town in Pennsylvania. So she kept her style from Hollywood and just that free spirit, open, no judgment, anything goes to our little town in Pennsylvania. I know how that was viewed. That's a whole other episode that she just owned who she was and just felt so free in that. And I was just in awe of it. I thought it was the most beautiful thing. And then I know time ⁓ Being a single mom just started to weigh on her and the pressure of life and its demands and raising two girls just she got lost in it. It happens to ⁓ so many women, and this is what I want to prevent for you, for myself. I still talk to my mom today, like, mom, ⁓ wouldn't it great if you just put on those earrings that you used to What would you wear now? You know, what ⁓ What would make you feel like yourself again? Anyway, I'm working on it. She's gonna come ⁓ This is what can happen ⁓ when we stay connected to ourselves. And nobody's gonna do this us. ⁓ This is ⁓ our job. It's like when you make a fire. If don't keep tending to it and keep putting wood it and paying attention to that flame that you have, it will slowly start to fade. Until it becomes embers. You didn't blow it out, but you just you neglected it. It's still there. It just needs to be tended to. You need to put some wood back on it. You need to pay attention to it for it to come back fully alive. And nobody's gonna do this for you. Nobody's gonna do it for us. The way that you show up for your family and your loved ones, what you remember for them. The schedule, the appointments, the check-ins, the doctor appointments, the cheerleading practice. Nobody's doing that for you. Maybe they are. Is somebody reminding you, like, hey, Sarah, you wanted get that massage for that in your neck? Did you get that scheduled? Or Donna, you haven't gone to the gynecologist in over a year. you get that scheduled? Is doing that for you? I am so impressed. If somebody's showing up for you like that, that's incredible. I'm gonna go out on a limb and say, for majority of us, nobody's doing that for us. It's on us. That is our work. Nobody is checking in with us, saying, ⁓ Hey, have you felt connected to yourself lately? Do you feel like yourself, Sharon? Psychologist Liz Hall found something that makes complete sense when you hear it. When a woman's identity is whole, when she's not just Mom and wife and caretaker, but also herself. She actually functions better. She has less internal conflict going on, less of that feeling that something is off, she says. It is you. It is you from your own life. And here's what know to be ⁓ when you are living your life not connected to you. ⁓ Your house can be fine, your kids can be fine, your marriage can be fine, everything's okay, yet there's a hollowness that you feel. I don't know if you have felt that something feels just ⁓ off, like something is missing. And that something that is missing is you ⁓ in your own life. And we can't always go to ⁓ a retreat or go on vacation to come back to ourselves. There are daily anchors that we can do every day to keep us connected to ourselves, to keep one hand on our own heart while we show up for our loved ones. Let's talk through a couple of them. This can be before the day even starts when you're getting dressed, on things that make you feel like you. ⁓ could be as simple as a pair of earrings that you love. ⁓ It could be headband, it be the way that you wear your hair with braids. This hat, it makes me feel like me. This makes me feel like myself. It also makes me it reminds me of my mom. It just doesn't have that massive feather hanging out of it. She didn't think that that was profound at the time. She was literally just being herself. My nose ring, I wear that. That keeps me connected to myself. I got it. For my 16th birthday. ⁓ It makes me feel like me. Whatever it is for you, not wearing things or things because it's practical. ⁓ We do things and we're mindful of it because it makes us feel like us again. ⁓ So whatever it is, it could be so small. It could be a watch, it be a bracelet, a ring, ⁓ something that when you look at it, ⁓ it makes you smile because it reminds ⁓ like, ⁓ that's me. When you get in the car to take your kids to school in the morning, is a song that you can play? Maybe they gotta get out of the car ⁓ and then you can play it. for me, it's anything by the cranberries or ⁓ Florence in the machine, when I hear these songs, it brings me back to a version of myself that I love and it makes me smile, it lights me up. What is that for you? You can continue to listen to it throughout the day. One earbud in your ear while you're prepping dinner, while you're folding laundry. And I like this one. Setting a on your phone three or four times during the day ⁓ to just check in with yourself. Not a task, just a check-in. ⁓ We do it for remembering to drink water. Why can't it be for remembering us? Am I staying connected to me and what I need? And that check-in can be: how are you doing? How is the day unfolding? ⁓ Are you saying yes things when you should be saying no to things? Are you remembering your own needs and wants in these moments? Are you factoring in? Am I doing okay? Is there anything that I need right now? Again, that's keeping one hand on our own heart while we're going through our day. And when we stay connected to ourselves, ⁓ we show up to our loved ones differently. I know you know what I'm talking about. For me, I know I'm more lighthearted, I'm more silly, ⁓ I feel just grounded. I can be more present with my family because I feel whole. I know when I'm completely lost in mom mode that I'm not really myself. We talked about that. It's more like a shell of us. It's not a whole woman standing front of people. And when a woman is fully and is standing wholly in front of people, ⁓ she's radiant. She has a glow. You can feel her. ⁓ steadiness that she's anchored. You can feel her confidence. Even if it's understated, you just feel it under the surface. I came across this quote for this reclaiming your identity as a woman while being a wife and a mother is one of the most powerful acts of selfhood. It means recognizing that while wifehood and motherhood may be parts of your identity, they do not define you entirely. You are still you With dreams and needs and a voice that exists beyond the roles you fulfill for others. I'm doing our weekly pause a little bit different today. We're gonna do a guided visualization. I don't know if when it comes to the weekly pause, you just skip it, but this is the part where we really implement what we talk about, and this isn't just a podcast that you listen to and then go on with your day. This is an opportunity for you to really reflect and really take on what we're talking about here. So I highly encourage you to do so. So, wherever you are, whatever you're doing, please stop. Take these next couple minutes for just you. Close your eyes if you can. Let's all take a deep inhale together through your nose. Exhale it out fully through your mouth. Another deep soothing breath in. Exhale it out. Deep breath of Sister, I want you to picture something. I want you to see in your mind's eye a little girl sitting on a park bench. It could be at a playground, it could be at a par See her sitting there. She's alone, but she's not sad or You can tell she's just waiting. Patiently. Quietly. The way children wait when they trust that someone's coming. She's been sitting there though for a while now. Maybe a long while. You to see yourself as this little girl. Maybe when you were five or six years old. Picture your hair, maybe it's tied up in a ponytail or hanging down, maybe in a braid. See what you're wearing, something that you'd always wear, maybe your favorite dress or t-shirt and shorts. See your shoes. Maybe some old tennis shoes that you'd wear or shoes with your dress. Take a moment to really see her. You as a mom. You as a wife. ⁓ Not you as the one who manages everything and everyone's needs. Just you. The one who existed before you took on all of these roles and The spark and the fire and the inner world that was entirely hers, just hers. She's not angry. She's not resentful. She just keeps looking up every time she hears footsteps, hoping this time you'll remember she's there. Hoping this time, you'll come and sit beside her and say, Hey, I've been thinking about you. She did not leave, sister. She would never leave. She's just gotten very quiet, waiting for you to come back for her. And I want you to ask yourself honestly. How long has she been sitting there? How long has it been since you checked on her? How long has it been since you asked her? What do you need? What do you want? How are you really doing? How does she answer that question? I want you to sit beside her now. I want you to take her hand, hold it in yours, and I want you to tell her these things. I see you. I'm sorry it took me so long. I've not forgotten about you. I'm here now. Feel what that feels like. For both of you. She just needs to be included. She just needs to know she's not been forgotten. Bring her with you and stay connected to her through the day. Every day. Let's all take one last inhale together. Exhale it out and open your eyes. You found her, now keep her. One small act at a time, one pair of earrings, one colored nail polish, one outfit, one song, because she deserves be remembered and And so do you, sister. Behind every great man ⁓ is a great woman who keeps one hand her own heart ⁓ while she shows up her loved ones. ⁓ Thanks for taking the time to join me on this podcast episode. You can find more episodes of Behind Every Great Man on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. And if this spoke to you, please share it with your girlfriends and subscribe. Thanks again, and I'll see you next week.