Latest / She Rises with Ashy & Tijana / 283. Flashback Friday - You Think Confidence Comes Naturally? Think Again

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283. Flashback Friday - You Think Confidence Comes Naturally? Think Again · She Rises with Ashy & Tijana

• 0:10
  Speaker 1: Welcome to the She Rises podcast.
• 0:12
  Speaker 2: I'm Ashi.
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: And I'm Tiana.
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  Speaker 2: This podcast is about female empowerment and encouraging you to
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  Speaker 2: be your biggest, boldest, and most authentic version of yourself.
• 0:21
  Speaker 1: We help you shed the shame, grow to a new level.
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: We're going to laugh, cry, and talk about the topics
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  Speaker 1: everyone else is too afraid to talk about.
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  Speaker 2: Get ready for your next level self. Get your popcorn.
• 0:33
  Speaker 2: Get your popcorn. Get your popcorn.
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: It's all about projections. Yes.
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  Speaker 2: Essentially what people have projected onto us in the past,
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  Speaker 2: which have been really interesting. Now, some of you might
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  Speaker 2: be able to resonate with a few of these projections
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  Speaker 2: and maybe have felt this in the past from people
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  Speaker 2: around you who maybe have done this to you. Yeah.
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  Speaker 2: So let's break it down. What is a projection? In
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  Speaker 2: simple terms, this is my belief at least, in my opinion,
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  Speaker 2: a projection is essentially something that you are thinking, feeling,
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  Speaker 2: or a belief that you have that you are projecting
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  Speaker 2: onto someone else as if it's their own. Now, just
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  Speaker 2: for a quick example, the easiest one to be able
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  Speaker 2: to understand is projecting what somebody else is thinking. So
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  Speaker 2: let's say, for example, you meet somebody in the gym
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  Speaker 2: and you're having a conversation and automatically your mind goes,
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  Speaker 2: oh my God, are they thinking about what my hair
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  Speaker 2: looks like right now? That is a projection of what
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  Speaker 2: you are thinking about yourself. Oh, yes. Yeah. So we
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  Speaker 2: automatically put out what we're thinking, our thoughts, our feelings,
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  Speaker 2: our beliefs about ourselves onto the other person as if
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  Speaker 2: it's their own. And then we freak out as if
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  Speaker 2: it's true. Yeah. Because in the moment, it feels so
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  Speaker 2: very true that we take it for truth and then
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  Speaker 2: we automatically get to push that person away. Yeah. Wow. Yeah.
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  Speaker 1: It's very interesting in the online world too because it's
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  Speaker 1: such an easy way for people to try and get
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  Speaker 1: it out of their body and the spotlight off them
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  Speaker 1: and put it onto someone else. And it can be
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  Speaker 1: everything from, oh, they're so disgusting and cringe, look how
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  Speaker 1: much they're kissing, what a gross-looking couple. Is that actually
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  Speaker 1: something that you're wanting? Or that person's being bratty and
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  Speaker 1: showing off her amazing body. Hmm, that's a projection. Maybe
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  Speaker 1: you're actually wanting to work on your body. It's almost
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  Speaker 1: like a shiny mirror back.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah.
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  Speaker 1: As to what is coming up for you.
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  Speaker 2: The next one for me is it's easy for you
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  Speaker 2: to be confident around other people because it comes so
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  Speaker 2: naturally for you. Oh, yeah. This one, it kind of
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  Speaker 2: makes me giggle a bit because I just think.
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  Speaker 1: You just don't know.
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  Speaker 2: Like, you know, the projections that come through, you just,
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  Speaker 2: you never really know what somebody's past has been like
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  Speaker 2: or experience has been like.
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  Speaker 1: I'd be curious.
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  Speaker 2: What do you think? It's easy for you to be
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  Speaker 2: confident around other people because it comes naturally for you.
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  Speaker 1: They think that you haven't had to work hard. And
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  Speaker 1: then they're in victim that it's not fair that they
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: have to work so hard and they're still not there.
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  Speaker 1: It looks so easy for her. They're being a victim,
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  Speaker 1: which I'm not judging. I've been a victim. Honestly, one
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  Speaker 1: of my biggest victim stories was that everyone else has
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  Speaker 1: it easier than me. And I've got it 10 times harder.
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  Speaker 1: I'm the queen of victim when I was younger. So
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  Speaker 1: no judgment here. But I think she's looking at you
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  Speaker 1: as if you haven't had to try. You've just been
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  Speaker 1: born with this natural gift of being able to speak
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  Speaker 1: and be confident, be beautiful. And it's so hard for
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: her that maybe she's wanting to show up on camera
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  Speaker 1: or wanting to show up. in any way in her
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  Speaker 1: life and she still doesn't have the courage to. But
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  Speaker 1: what we forget is we haven't seen everyone's seasons and
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  Speaker 1: chapters to get to that point where they are. Even
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  Speaker 1: me being on camera, it looks like I'm so natural
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: on camera. I've always wanted to be on stage, but
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  Speaker 1: you should have seen the tantrums and fights that Steve
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  Speaker 1: and I used to have. He would push me in
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  Speaker 1: front of the camera. I was like a two-year-old having
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  Speaker 1: a tantrum. I did not want to be seen. If
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  Speaker 1: I stuffed up, I would cry. Literally, I would cry.
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  Speaker 1: There's been a long journey and so much persistence and
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  Speaker 1: practice to get to this point where I'm so comfortable
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  Speaker 1: with who I am and I know I've got a
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  Speaker 1: voice to share. But, yeah, there's a journey for someone
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  Speaker 1: to get to where you are right now, but people
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  Speaker 1: don't see that and that's where the projections come out
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  Speaker 1: and you always feel like you're in that victim energy. Yeah.
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  Speaker 1: So I feel for her, but it's just not the case. Yeah,
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  Speaker 1: I feel for her too, but I'm also like, honey,
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  Speaker 1: if only you knew. Yeah, and we get to do
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  Speaker 1: this work just like whoever's listening who wrote that in
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  Speaker 1: or has said that to you. She gets to choose.
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  Speaker 1: to work on it and to see it from a
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  Speaker 1: different perspective. Now when I see someone inspiring, years ago
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  Speaker 1: I would have made a projection like that. It's so
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  Speaker 1: much easier for them. Now my mind goes, oh, they
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  Speaker 1: must have done a lot of work to get there.
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  Speaker 1: What courses did they do? Who's their coach? How much
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  Speaker 1: practice have they had? Have they been on stage for
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  Speaker 1: three years, five years, ten years? I'm inquiring and always
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  Speaker 1: stalking what they've done and how they've done it to
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  Speaker 1: get there.
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  Speaker 2: Yes.
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  Speaker 1: That's where my mindset's at now. Yeah. So it's cool
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  Speaker 1: when you can turn it around. Oh, absolutely.
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  Speaker 2: And you know what's interesting? I was once just so
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  Speaker 2: the opposite of confident, anything but confident. And I vividly
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  Speaker 2: remember just like this experience just popped into my head
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  Speaker 2: of trying to fit in around this group of people
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  Speaker 2: that I met in Bondi when I was living in Sydney.
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  Speaker 2: And I was trying so hard to fit in. And
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  Speaker 2: I just remember feeling so hard to have a conversation flow.
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  Speaker 2: Being like, I had to think about what I was saying.
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  Speaker 2: I had to try to find topics to talk about.
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  Speaker 2: And I just was so in my head that I
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  Speaker 2: was the person who sat in the back corner and
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  Speaker 2: was mute. And it has been a conscious effort for years.
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  Speaker 2: I'm talking like years and years have I've been doing
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  Speaker 2: personal development now. Has it taken me to be able
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  Speaker 2: to feel so natural when I'm talking or to just
• 5:28
  Speaker 2: yap and be comfortable that I'm like, I feel comfortable
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  Speaker 2: yapping because I'm comfortable in myself now. But it took
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  Speaker 2: really facing all those parts of myself that I wasn't
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  Speaker 2: confident in, that I didn't love, that I was rejecting
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  Speaker 2: within myself for me to be able to go, hey,
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  Speaker 2: I feel comfortable owning all of who I am now.
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  Speaker 2: Love that. You know, really sitting with the anxious part
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  Speaker 2: of me too. Yes. You know, it takes a lot
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  Speaker 2: of you being able to be okay with that part
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  Speaker 2: of you, not judging it, not judging the part of
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  Speaker 2: you that wants to be accepted or loved or valued
• 6:00
  Speaker 2: by other people so much that you're in your head
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  Speaker 2: while you're sitting in front of somebody going, do they
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  Speaker 2: feel like me?
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  Speaker 1: What am I going to say?
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  Speaker 2: What should I say to make them like me? Like
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  Speaker 2: not judging that part of you so that you can go, okay, cool.
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  Speaker 2: How can I just have it? How can I get
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  Speaker 2: to know this person better? What could I learn about
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  Speaker 2: this person that might deepen our friendship? I want to
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  Speaker 2: get to know this person. It just shifts everything.
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  Speaker 1: From you to them. Yeah.
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  Speaker 2: And then also with time and practice, like what you
• 6:28
  Speaker 2: were saying.
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  Speaker 1: It opens up more connection.
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  Speaker 2: With you doing this for 15 years on camera, it's
• 6:31
  Speaker 2: the same thing. Yeah. Yeah. So cool.