Transcript

Authenticity · Wanzology

Authenticity Good evening! Good evening! How you doing? Good evening, good morning, good morrow!! How you doing? Welcome! Welcome to another episode of WANZOLOGY!! I am your host, The Wanz, and we are going fast and furious in the beginning of 2026. I hope that yours has gotten off to a great start. Mine has hit the ground running, and uh, it's a matter of maintenance now. How am I gonna maintain? I have to, like, schedule things six to eight weeks in advance so that I always know what I'm doing, which is challenging for me because I'm not a planner. I've tried to be, but I don't think I'm very good at it. So, I guess there's more to learn. On today's episode, I want to talk to you about a little situation that has confronted me that I find very interesting. So I've started dating again, and someone that I had met with, they went and found my Ted Talk. Now, I did a TED Talk in 2016 and what this person asked me is, were you performing then or were you performing when we were in the coffee shop? Because if you're performing, I wanted to let you know you don't have to be quote unquote on all the time. And I started getting kind of miffed, annoyed, somewhat angry. Because I'm being compared to something that happened in 2016 in a whole different context, in a whole different place in front of an audience versus being in a coffee shop? No, I'm trying not to get all sideways about this because I don't think that this person has anything but the best intentions. This is my reaction to it, and I realize that, which is why I chose to talk about it. I don't have to buy into whatever my brain thinks is going on, and I haven't had the opportunity yet to ask directly what's going on. So I'm in that presumptive land that usually gets us in trouble. Because we presume what we want to presume, and that may not be accurate. That may not be what was intended. It may not be what's really going on. Which brings me to the topic, what does it mean to be authentic? How do you practice your authenticity? How do you put yourself in a position, especially with someone that you've just met, how do you put yourself in the position where you are being the self that you know you are just being you? How do you know when you're being authentic? It's a very interesting question because what has happened to me is in 2016 I told the story of how “Thrift Shop” came to be and how I became a part of it. There's a lot of similarity between how the story was told in 2016 and how the story is told today, but does that mean that I was being less authentic or more authentic then because I was in front of an audience versus being in front of just one person? Did the details of how everything happened for me change? Was I animated in a certain kind of way that was different in 2016? I don't know. I don't know. But I'm trying to understand why I'm feeling defensive and I think it's because my perception is that, this person that I was having coffee with went back and saw a quote unquote performance and then drew conclusions off of us sitting and having coffee because of those similarities. I guess there's nothing wrong with that except it just feels odd, it feels weird for me, and I'm questioning how I come across. I'm questioning whether I'm being authentic. The weird thing is I only know how to be one person. I don't know how to really be anybody else when I tell my story. for me, it's emotional. It was a turning point in my life, being the happy-go-lucky person that I am, I don't mind being animated when I tell the story, but does that mean I'm performing? Is performing my authentic self? I don't know. And the only reason I don't know is because it's not very often I get the opportunity to sit in front of myself and perceive myself being myself. So that begs the question, how do you know when you're being authentic? How do you know when you are NOT pretending to be something or someone else? When do you know you're not performing for whoever is in front of you? I'm not sure that it's easy to figure that out. I mean, there's a reason that when we're gonna go out with another person, someone that we're interested in, that we wanna see if we're compatible and you're dating this person, there's a certain ritual that you go through. You prepare yourself. You wear certain clothes, you make sure that you're washed, you make sure that you don't smell like, I don't know, toilet water. You wanna put your best impression forward for this person, but is that being authentic or are you just dressing for the part that you plan to play? What is authentic? What is it that makes you authentic? I've always thought that my authenticity is centered in my honesty. My honesty is, to me it's everything. Rigorous honesty, meaning what you see is what you get. I don't pretend to be anything other than who I am, but if the person that I'm being myself in front of perceives me differently, is that because of the presentation or the interpretation? person could drive themselves nuts trying to figure this out. I've said it many times, you know, once you say something, when those words leave your mouth, you kinda lose a lot of responsibility over them because you have no control over how those words get interpreted. You don't know if someone understands what you tell them until they respond to what you tell them. Even then, their response might not be accurate in your mind. This is why people say, Wait, are you sure?”, “Wait, am I understanding you correctly?”, “Wait, did you mean…”, and then you repeat what they say. Being understood is, to me, that's 75% of communication. If I'm not understood, there's no way that I can really believe that I'm communicating correctly, effectively, thoroughly, and then truth doesn't matter because I could be telling somebody my truth, but they don't interpret it as my truth, they interpret it as something else. Something else that's completely unintended. I think authenticity has more to do with the sincerity that you convey when you communicate with someone else. I think it's easy for most people to tell when you're not being sincere. They can tell when you are faking it, but if you don't mean to and you're not consciously in that, I'm gonna fake them out mode, then what? Is it a misperception on their part or is it a mis presentation on yours? Like I said, you can drive yourself nuts trying to figure this out. So, what I will say is being yourself is probably the most challenging thing you get to do as an adult. You are always going to be in different situations with different people at different times of the year, of the month, of the day, and being that you're multifaceted, you might not always present yourself consistently. Who knows? Maybe you come across as irritable, but nobody knows that you stubbed your toe before going into the store. They just think that you're an angry person when it has nothing to do with them. Maybe you come across as someone who's not serious, even though you're trying to be as serious and as forthright as you can possibly be. Well then what? What happens if the receiver of your communication doesn't believe you? I think if someone interprets you incorrectly, you can question how they interpreted you and then find out, but this takes a little bit of courage. I mean, I've been told for years what somebody else thinks of me as none of my business, but now this is my business because I've been told that compared to myself in 2016 versus 2026, it seems like I'm performing or not being authentic. Now, I am a performer, but I don't always perform. I'm not always ‘on’. I don't know exactly how I am received, not all the time I know what my intentions are, but hey, when it comes off of my body and outta my lungs, and outta my mouth and goes to somebody else's ears, eyes, and they perceive what they see and hear, I lose a lot of responsibility for what is determined, so I have to let it go. I have to let it go and try to focus on being the best person that I can be at any given time with consistency, that becomes my authentic self. I'm a multifaceted person and I can be one way on a Tuesday and another way on a Friday, but that has more to do with my circumstance than it does whether I'm being authentic or not. Open, honest, those are my guiding lights. If you have a question, I have an answer and I'll give you the answer that I think is correct, not because I think that I'm smarter than you, not because I think that I'm better than you, I'm just telling you what I think. What you do with that information is not up to me. Once I speak what I think is all on you and how you hear it and what you think of it, how you interpret it. Authenticity. This is a, this is a touchy subject for some people. What is it that makes you your authentic self? Is it the way that you dress? Is it the way that you talk? Maybe it's just the way that you walk, or how you carry whatever it is you're carrying, be it a fanny pack or a purse. What is it that makes you your real self? Is it the words? Is it the look on your face while you're saying the words? I don't know, but I do know that being consistent is the goal. To be as consistently, evenly the same person that you think you are. That's how it works. Consistency is key. I mean, you can't be Mr. Optimist on a Monday and then Mr. Pessimist on a Wednesday. That's not authentic. You could be dabbling in either one of those, but which one are you really? It depends on the circumstance. If you just stubbed your toe like I was talking about earlier, and you're in pain, you're probably being pretty pessimistic about what's going on in your world. Whereas before that happened, you were pretty optimistic about what was going on in your world. So, I think the consideration has to roll around somewhere near circumstance. Whatever circumstance that you happen to be in or just got out of better determines how authentic you were and are. I've kind of fallen in love with the Tom Cruise Top Gun upgrade. Near the beginning, one of his pals says, “Don't gimme that look.” and he says, “But it's the only one I got!” Don't misperceive who you think I am, maybe question who you think I am so that you can find out what makes me authentic to you, and I bet you what you think my authenticity looks like is different from somebody else's impression, perception of my authenticity. Not that I'm trying to be different things for different people, I'm just being me. I really don't think about this kind of stuff. I think about how I can help the person next to me, how I can be of service, how I can be constructive in not only my own life, but those around me because you know, a high tide raises all boats. So I want to help people get up like I'm trying to get up. But if that comes across differently to someone else, how much responsibility should I take to correct how I come across? At what point do I let go and let the other person own it? I don't know. I don't have an equation. All I know is that for everyone, authenticity is a challenge. There are those who dress a certain way in order to make people think that they are a certain way when they're not. There are people who don't dress a certain way because they don't want to be associated with people who DO dress a certain way. Their authentic self is hiding. They don't wanna be discovered, they don't wanna be noticed, they don't wanna attract attention, and that's cool. It's different for everybody, but I'm sure that you can think back to your younger self. I mean like middle school, junior high school, high school, college. Are you that same person all the way through? And if you evolved from junior high school through high school and college, what is it that changed you that makes you different from how you used to be, what circumstances did you have to go through? These are the questions that help us determine how authentic we really are. All I know is that like you, I'm doing the best I can with what I got. I'm not trying to be anything other than who I am. Simply because I can be so many people, depending on what circumstance I'm in, I can come across differently to different people depending on what circumstance they're in. And being able to tell the difference is challenging. So, if you feel misunderstood, don't automatically assume you are not being authentic. Being multifaceted can be the same thing as being authentic. Nobody's just one thing. We're all different and we all handle things and look at things different and that's cool. I'll leave you with this. Always keep in mind it's about the similarities, not the differences. The more you focus on the differences. The less authentic you'll be because you're misinterpreting who you're in front of you feel me? Do your best, leave the rest open doors for people. Say please and thank you, all those things, all the little things that our parents taught us to do to be a good human. And with consistency, you will find authenticity. Thanks for joining me this week, I really appreciate you. Go out and conquer your authentic misperceived self so that people can see the real you. Alright, I'll see you next week later, Hah-Hah!!