Latest / The FEEL Podcast: Women’s Empowerment, Emotional Wellness and Self-Leadership with Melissa Crook / The Boundary Blueprint: How to Reclaim Your Time, Energy, and Power Without Guilt with Melissa Crook

Transcript

The Boundary Blueprint: How to Reclaim Your Time, Energy, and Power Without Guilt with Melissa Crook · The FEEL Podcast: Women’s Empowerment, Emotional Wellness and Self-Leadership with Melissa Crook

• 0:12
  Hello, Melissa Crick here back with you on another one-on-one
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  session with me here on the field podcast.
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  I'm glad to have you here with me today.
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  Today we're going to talk about the boundary blueprint, and this
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  one is an interesting one because the word boundary has
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  different impacts on people. Some people really like the
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  word, some people don't. So if the word boundary triggers
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  you in any way, think of it another way, thinking of it as a
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  platform blueprint. Think of it as a framework
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  blueprint, a way you want to like a calendar blueprint where
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  you want your life to be guided by very clear yeses and Nos of
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  who you're giving your time to, where you're giving your time
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  to, what you're allowing in your life, what you're not allowing
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  in your life in terms of energy and attitude.
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  And impact, I mean those kinds of things.
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  It's so there's different ways to think about it.
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  So don't let, if the word boundary's triggering for you,
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  don't let that get in your way. Come up with a new word that
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  works for you. But what it's really for is if
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  you are feeling like you're over giving, you're overworking,
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  you're saying yes when you really want to say no and you
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  want to reclaim your power unapologetically.
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  What happened so many times is we say yes because we don't want
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  someone to feel bad. We say yes because we think
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  someone expects us to. We say yes because we want to,
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  don't want to disappoint or be rejected by someone.
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  And then if we do say no, we are over explaining out of guilt or
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  trying to justify when simply no period is a full sentence.
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  And you don't have to justify choosing what's aligning with
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  you, choosing what's healthiest for you.
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  So many times we think when someone presents a good option
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  or a good opportunity to us, well, it's good.
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  So I must say, yes, no, there are plenty of good things out
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  there. That doesn't mean they're all
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  for you all the time. And so this boundary blueprint
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  really helps you get those things in alignment, get your
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  life feeling back under like it's in alignment and in
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  control. And you're spending your energy
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  on time on places that really fill your cup.
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  You're not looking at your calendar every day going or
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  feeling nauseous or tired or having a headache or wanting to
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  go back to bed and listen. We all have these things that we
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  have to do in our daily lives that we don't love.
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  None of us love scrubbing a toilet, but it's necessary.
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  So I'm not, I'm talking about the, the energy and time we give
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  to people in our friendships, in our workspaces, in our
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  communities, how much time we're giving away versus how much time
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  we're using to fill our own cups to make sure we're not giving
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  from a depleted empty vessel. And So what the blueprint does
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  is it helps you learn how to confidently set and communicate
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  boundaries without guilt. It helps you understand how your
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  health, mental, physical, emotional, spiritual is tied to
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  your limits and your needs. We all have limits and we we
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  ignore those. And so really listening to our
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  bodies when it's when she's telling us we're at our Max
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  point or oh, I think that should be a no.
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  I was literally having this conversation with a friend last
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  night where another friend has presented an opportunity to her
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  and it sounds really good on on paper.
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  And when she talked to her about it, But even though she knows in
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  her like logically it sounds good, there's something inside
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  her that's telling her, making her feel hesitant.
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  And I'm like, listen to that, pay attention to that.
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  This sounds like a good thing, but there's some things about it
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  that make me question. And so I kind of presented that
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  my side to her and gave her another opinion, but it was
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  really inviting to her like that's a clue.
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  So paying attention to those things and, and, and giving and
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  giving credits to that. Practicing scripts and
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  strategies for navigating difficult conversations.
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  And, you know, practicing it in front of the mirror, writing out
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  talking points. So many times these
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  conversations we imagine in our heads end up being in our heads
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  a lot worse than they actually end up being when you have them
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  but navigating them. And if you need help and support
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  on this, again, this is something you can work with me
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  one-on-one on the links will be in our show notes and in our
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  resources page of how to do that.
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  If you need some more practice with this, if this these tips
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  I'm giving you today are like these sound great, but I need
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  some more support. I'm here to help you with that.
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  So, so don't worry about that. We can, we can help you with
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  that if you need to, But these are also things.
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  Try them and see how they feel for you, how they work with you.
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  Do it with a partner or but, but go in there with a plan and then
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  it helps you to build a values aligned filter.
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  Going back to my friend, a nice conversation for what gets your
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  yes and what gets your no. And there's two really important
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  rules here. Or, or principles is a better
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  word that apply that I've learned from guests over the
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  years. And 1 is that whatever you're
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  saying yes to, you're saying no to something else.
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  So make sure you're OK with that thing you're saying no to.
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  And make sure it's not always you that you're saying no to #2
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  do not give a yes immediately. Give yourself 24 hours minimum
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  to go home. Check your calendar, talk to
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  your family, talk to your boss, talk to your friends, your
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  community, whoever is going to be impacted by you saying yes to
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  this. And what is it going to impact
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  that you've already said yes to? So giving yourself 24 hours to
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  really minimum to examine whether this actually fits or if
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  it does fit and there's something else that needs to be
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  adjusted. So those are two really helpful
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  principles. And the lastly, when you decided
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  to know, you don't have to over explain or justify.
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  And if they have trouble with that, you just kindly are ask
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  them to honor your, your decision that you've made it
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  thoughtfully. And that might kind of give you
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  an indication too. If they have trouble with it, if
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  you want to be connected with them in this kind of work in the
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  future or this kind of time in the future, if they need some
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  different healthy boundaries around that relationship, you're
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  if they're not willing to honor your boundary with this.
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  So those are some things that it can really deliver.
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  And then in the results are when you do this, put this time into
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  it and think about it in this way and are willing to, to, to
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  trust yourself in this way, it gives you a clear, unapologetic
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  system for honoring your energy, protecting your time, building
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  deeper, more authentic relationships, and you'll feel
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  more respected, more powerful and more free.
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  And that is the hope for all of us all the time.
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  Now this sounds like, again, like I said earlier, like this
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  boundary blueprint sounds like a great idea, Melissa, But in
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  reality, I am a chronic people pleaser.
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  I am suffer with codependency. There's some things I'm really
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  challenged with here. I've got a lot of guilt.
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  Let's get together and talk. Let's get together and and work
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  one-on-one and let me help you find what's already inside of
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  you. We just need to help you tap
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  into that and trust that and how to do that.
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  Go to that contact form. The links to the boundary
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  blueprint work with me are in the show notes.
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  But hopefully this gives you some things to think about
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  today. And my challenge for you this
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  week is simply when someone asks you to do something or to
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  participate in something or give your time or energy in any way
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  to something, give yourself a minimum of 24 hours before you
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  say yes to it. Honor yourself in that way.
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  You are worthy, you are valuable, and you get to choose.
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  Don't ever forget that. Go to embracinglayers.com and
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  fill out that contact form. If you need more help and
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  support with me on this, check out this boundary blueprint
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  information on our website. But hopefully this gets you on
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  the road to really honoring your time, honoring your energy, and
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  honoring where it is you're really aligned to be living your
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  life. Take good care of your
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  yourselves and we'll see you next time here on the Field
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  podcast.