Latest / The Art of Love With Lucia / Episode 672: How To Behave When She Comes Back After No Contact

Transcript

Episode 672: How To Behave When She Comes Back After No Contact · The Art of Love With Lucia

• 0:01
  She's back, you're no longer doing no contact, but you're
• 0:05
  also not back together. So how do you behave in the
• 0:08
  interim? I did a video for women last
• 0:13
  week on what to do when he's back, how to handle it like a
• 0:16
  pro. And I'll put the link in the
• 0:18
  upper right hand corner on YouTube.
• 0:20
  And you guys thought I forgot about you.
• 0:22
  Come on, Am I going to forget about you?
• 0:24
  No. So this is for the guys.
• 0:27
  Some of the things you do are going to be the same as I talked
• 0:30
  about in that video for the ladies and obviously some are
• 0:33
  different. What are the differences and the
• 0:36
  similarities? Well, stay tuned and you'll find
• 0:38
  out. First, I want to welcome back my
• 0:40
  beautiful no contact Army. This is the Chia with the art of
• 0:43
  love. I'm a dating and relationship
• 0:44
  expert specializing, helping you get your ex back.
• 0:47
  And if you have my app Silencio, we now have a button to contact
• 0:51
  support directly. If there's any issue with the
• 0:55
  app or with your subscription at all, you don't have to contact
• 0:58
  me anymore. Just contact support and they'll
• 1:02
  help you out. And the link for the Cilencio
• 1:05
  app is underneath every single video and podcast.
• 1:07
  And if you too would like to join our beautiful no contact
• 1:10
  army, all you have to do is hit the subscribe button and the
• 1:15
  bell notification and you're in. Enter.
• 1:18
  Read our manual. Go to nocontactsecrets.com where
• 1:22
  you can read 2 free chapters before you purchase the book.
• 1:26
  OK, so she's back in your life somehow, either because she
• 1:32
  broke no contact, she reached out or you ran into each other
• 1:37
  or because of business or care or whatever, somehow you're
• 1:42
  talking and you didn't break no contact, right?
• 1:46
  So the attitude you have to have, and I forgot to mention
• 1:49
  this in the video last week for the ladies, is I'll give her a
• 1:54
  chance to win me back because you don't know exactly why she
• 1:59
  popped back up and wants to see you and hang out and maybe even
• 2:03
  be flirting or if you have to be in touch because of business or
• 2:08
  other reasons why she's suddenly being nice or flirting.
• 2:12
  So the only way you're going to know that is over time because
• 2:16
  you do not want to end up in the friend zone.
• 2:20
  And one way to know that you're in the friend zone is that she
• 2:23
  doesn't want to be intimate. And so if she does not want to
• 2:28
  be intimate, something's up. And a client of mine is going
• 2:33
  through this right now because he has to be in contact with the
• 2:36
  ex for a couple of reasons. And she's so happy to see him
• 2:40
  and she's keeping him up to date on what's going on with her.
• 2:42
  It's good morning, good night, everything, everything.
• 2:44
  But yeah, no, not ready to to go there yet.
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  And so as soon as they finish their business together, I told
• 2:53
  them that he's going to either have to do the slow fade or just
• 2:59
  say something and then cut it off completely.
• 3:02
  It just really depends on the situation.
• 3:04
  That's why I recommend coaching because it I can't give you
• 3:08
  one-size-fits-all advice. Some of you, it's better to do
• 3:11
  the slow fade. Some of you it's better to just
• 3:14
  say something and cut it off completely.
• 3:16
  And maybe for some of you, it's better to just disappear.
• 3:18
  Who knows, but she needs to be putting in the effort to get
• 3:23
  back together. And while women have to worry
• 3:27
  about the guy coming back and trying to turn them into a
• 3:30
  friend with benefits or even where's the booty call, guys
• 3:33
  don't generally have to worry about that.
• 3:35
  OK, you don't usually think, Oh no, I hope she's not coming back
• 3:41
  just to have sex with me. Oh, that would be terrible.
• 3:44
  You never hear a guy complain about being used for sex.
• 3:48
  OK, maybe a few have complained, but not too many.
• 3:51
  So you don't have to worry about that.
• 3:53
  Your problem is the friend zone. You want to stay out of that.
• 3:57
  And as with the women, you also have to ask the six questions
• 4:03
  from my video, the six questions to ask your ex if you want them
• 4:06
  back. I'm not going to list the six
• 4:08
  questions again, but hey, you can watch the video and I will
• 4:11
  post the link to that video in the upper right hand corner on
• 4:15
  YouTube. And you only ask the six
• 4:18
  questions. When they say they want you
• 4:21
  back, they have to say it. Make them say it.
• 4:24
  Do not fall back. And they're just seeing each
• 4:26
  other as most people do. They're just so happy to hear
• 4:28
  from their ex and to be back in contact with them and hanging
• 4:33
  out and having fun that they just assume, oh, we're back
• 4:36
  together. And then one day it's like we're
• 4:38
  not back together. Or you don't discuss the issues
• 4:43
  that led to the breakup and you don't get to ask the six
• 4:47
  questions which will show you whether you should even get back
• 4:50
  with them. So don't let them off the hook
• 4:52
  easily. Assume that you're not back
• 4:54
  together unless they actually say it.
• 4:57
  And also let her know that you're dating other people.
• 5:02
  I'm not saying just come out and announce it.
• 5:03
  All of a sudden, it's like, hey, just want to let you know I'm
• 5:05
  dating other people. But don't try to hide it.
• 5:08
  Don't stop dating just because she suddenly popped up.
• 5:10
  She lost her place in line so she is no longer a priority.
• 5:15
  She can get at the back of the line and work her way up.
• 5:19
  Now if she broke up with you because you were beta, which
• 5:23
  means you have an anxious attachment style, then hopefully
• 5:27
  you've been working on yourself while you've been in no contact.
• 5:32
  Hopefully you've read the book Anxiously Attached and if you
• 5:34
  haven't, I will put the link to that book underneath the video.
• 5:39
  And you now have to show her that you've changed, that you're
• 5:44
  not as anxious as you were before, that you're not going to
• 5:46
  be as beta. You can't just tell her, oh hey,
• 5:49
  I've changed. I've worked on myself.
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  You have to prove to her. So situations are going to come
• 5:53
  up where you normally would have been anxious, texting a lot,
• 5:57
  calling a lot, getting triggered, freaking out.
• 6:00
  And you're going to be calm as a cucumber, right?
• 6:03
  You're going to show her that Nope, Yep, not anxious, not
• 6:06
  anxious anymore. And that's the only way she's
• 6:08
  going to feel safe getting back with you.
• 6:11
  If you were too jealous and that's why she broke up with you
• 6:14
  or got angry too often or too easily, then you're going to
• 6:20
  have to show her again that you've changed.
• 6:21
  And she might test you by talking about other guys to see
• 6:25
  what your reaction is going to be to see if you really changed.
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  And the best reaction is no reaction.
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  Oh hey, this guy was flirting at me at flirting with me at the
• 6:34
  gym. Oh, that's nice.
• 6:35
  He's got good taste. Please pass the salt right?
• 6:40
  No reaction. Or maybe she broke up with you
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  because you weren't ambitious or you were always just wasting
• 6:47
  time and playing video games. You know, women are very
• 6:51
  concerned about securing their future and the futures of their
• 6:56
  offspring. So they want a man with a plan.
• 7:00
  And if you can show that and you're making steps to improve
• 7:04
  your life and it's getting better, then she again will feel
• 7:09
  say for coming back to you. All right.
• 7:13
  So just keep in mind that she needs to be the one putting in
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  the effort to put things back together if she broke up with
• 7:21
  you. And now I want to hear from you.
• 7:24
  How long have you been in no contact and how is it going?
• 7:28
  And if you would like to get private coaching with me, you
• 7:32
  can contact me at theartoflove.net and we will
• 7:35
  send you the rates. They are not on the website.
• 7:40
  And if you found this video helpful, please like, subscribe,
• 7:43
  and share. If you're listening to this as a
• 7:45
  podcast, please rate and review. And finally, remember, love
• 7:50
  inspires, empowers, uplifts and enlightens.