Latest / Doing Marriage Well / Adults Acting Like Children Destroy Relationships

Transcript

Adults Acting Like Children Destroy Relationships · Doing Marriage Well

• 0:00
  Doing Marriage Well for August 31, 2026 Adults Acting Like Children Destroy
• 0:06
  Relationships I deal with a lot of folks who are unhappy with each other.
• 0:10
  Beyond dealing with marriages, we live in community.
• 0:13
  We love it, but in some ways it's like a marriage with a dozen folks,
• 0:16
  each with their own stuff.
• 0:18
  On top of that, I'm an elder at my church, which means I am aware of,
• 0:22
  and often involved with, squabbles that happen there.
• 0:25
  Another Paul dealt with the same thing. In Philippians 4, 2-3,
• 0:29
  Paul urges two women to put aside their differences, agree, and work together in the Lord.
• 0:34
  Apparently, these women were leaders in their faith community,
• 0:37
  and they had a falling out.
• 0:38
  We are all broken, and leaders are not exempt from that, or from doing things
• 0:42
  they should not do because of their brokenness.
• 0:45
  Laura and I once tried to help two women in leadership, who had been best friends
• 0:48
  for years, deal with a falling out.
• 0:51
  We couldn't find anything that justified them being so upset,
• 0:54
  and in the end, they walked away from each other, both devastated by their loss.
• 0:58
  I hated that they would not mend their relationship.
• 1:01
  When I deal with these situations, what I usually see is two broken people both
• 1:05
  stuck in their own fear and pride.
• 1:07
  This is the case for most personality clashes in marriages, friendships,
• 1:11
  work, and church relationships.
• 1:13
  The issue that triggers the blow-up is rarely important. It's usually the straw
• 1:17
  that breaks the camel's back.
• 1:19
  And most of the straws are also little things that really don't matter.
• 1:23
  The few real issues are so buried in the junk that two people can't see them, much less work on them.
• 1:28
  That, and usually when it gets ugly, neither person is willing to back down or change.
• 1:33
  Sometimes it's just one person who refuses to see reason or bend.
• 1:37
  In these relationships, there is often a long-standing pattern of the reasonable
• 1:41
  person giving the benefit of the doubt and letting go of things.
• 1:44
  If the selfish person does something considerably worse than the norm,
• 1:47
  the house of cards collapses.
• 1:49
  The reasonable person can't let this go and the unreasonable one is unable to apologize or back down.
• 1:55
  All too often, Lori and I find ourselves working with two adults who act like children.
• 2:00
  They magnify small events, assume motive, and camp on meaningless issues.
• 2:05
  I've heard the same from a slew of therapists, coaches, and leaders.
• 2:09
  Maybe I was less aware in the past, but I think it's getting worse.
• 2:12
  Perhaps it's a reflection of society as a whole being increasingly rude and divisive.
• 2:17
  One would think that there would be less of this from folks who follow Jesus.
• 2:20
  But as the passage I mentioned above shows, it still happens.
• 2:24
  I've actually heard folks use various Bible passages to justify what they are doing.
• 2:28
  I mean justifying things like anger, refusing to forgive, and even hatred.
• 2:33
  The rest of this week, I will look at this more deeply. If this doesn't apply
• 2:37
  to your marriage, good for you and your spouse,
• 2:39
  Odds are, it still comes up in your life from time to time If not you and another
• 2:43
  person, then two people you know So this set-up pose may be useful well beyond marriage,
• 2:49
  Think about the last time you were involved in Or witnessed two adults at odds
• 2:52
  with each other Because both were unreasonable and possibly immature If you
• 2:57
  were involved, can you see what part you played in perpetuating the issue?
• 3:01
  Are you the more or less reasonable person in the situation?
• 3:04
  This is Paul, and the Bible commands us to do relationships well.