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EP368: Larry Kesslin - The Joy Molecule · Respark Your Life

• 0:00
  Larry Kesslin: I think our mind creates meaning and needs meaning in order to feel safe and feel comfortable.
• 0:07
  Larry Kesslin: And I think that's where joy gets squashed at the beginning.
• 0:10
  Larry Kesslin: When you try to feel safe and comfortable, you create an identity.
• 0:15
  Larry Kesslin: And the more you're attached to your identity, the further you are away from joy.
• 0:19
  Larry Kesslin: Knowing that you are a being that has an identity is different than being your identity.
• 0:25
  Larry Kesslin: Does that make sense?
• 0:27
  Raymond Aaron: Hello, this is Raymond Aaron, New York Times Top 10 bestselling author, bringing you Respark Your Life podcast, the world's premier podcast to ignite the fire to allow you to live life on your own terms.
• 0:40
  Raymond Aaron: Every single Thursday, I bring you a multi-millionaire, world-famous celebrity to teach you about
• 0:48
  Raymond Aaron: the most fascinating ways in order to live a far better life.
• 0:53
  Raymond Aaron: Every single Thursday, you just need to subscribe by hitting the subscribe button.
• 0:58
  Raymond Aaron: I'll see you every Thursday to re-spark your life.
• 1:03
  Raymond Aaron: Yes, here I am back, Raymond Aron, the founder of re-spark your life.
• 1:08
  Raymond Aaron: And I have with me a fascinating guest.
• 1:11
  Raymond Aaron: Why?
• 1:12
  Raymond Aaron: Because it's all about joy.
• 1:14
  Raymond Aaron: Oh, I'm getting ahead of myself.
• 1:15
  Raymond Aaron: Let me introduce him.
• 1:17
  Raymond Aaron: Larry Kesslin is a speaker, an author, and a purpose-driven coach, best known for his
• 1:24
  Raymond Aaron: new book, The Joy Molecule.
• 1:26
  Raymond Aaron: After a decades-long entrepreneurial journey, including a life-changing trip to Africa,
• 1:33
  Raymond Aaron: Larry now helps high achievers redefine success, reconnect with who they really are, and create lives filled with meaning, connection, and joy.
• 1:44
  Raymond Aaron: Through his frameworks around identity, purpose, and conscious connection, Larry guides people to shift from what you do to why you're here.
• 1:59
  Raymond Aaron: He brings deep wisdom, powerful stories, and a grounded human approach to transformation.
• 2:07
  Raymond Aaron: I can hear the drums beating in the background.
• 2:11
  Raymond Aaron: Who is that guy?
• 2:12
  Raymond Aaron: You are Mr. Joy Molecule.
• 2:16
  Raymond Aaron: Tell me, do I have a joy molecule?
• 2:21
  Larry Kesslin: I think we all have a joy molecule.
• 2:23
  Larry Kesslin: I think that when we were born, we were born with a joy molecule.
• 2:29
  Larry Kesslin: and I think we've learned to dampen the joy molecule from the time we started learning our
• 2:34
  Larry Kesslin: first words from the time we were babies and trying to figure out how to get love and how to feel
• 2:41
  Larry Kesslin: connected and I think it's something that we need to unlearn versus learn I think we need to find it
• 2:49
  Larry Kesslin: from where it once came versus find it from something we never knew right and I don't believe
• 2:56
  Larry Kesslin: joy is something that is given. I think it's something that's found on your own journey back
• 3:03
  Larry Kesslin: inside yourself versus looking outside ourselves, which is what society has been telling us for
• 3:09
  Larry Kesslin: decades. Madison Avenue is brilliant at trying to explain how if you buy this beautiful car,
• 3:15
  Larry Kesslin: you will find joy. Or if you date this beautiful model, or if you pop up your lips, or if you do
• 3:21
  Larry Kesslin: whatever you do, you'll be so much happier. And if you've seen any of the research,
• 3:28
  Larry Kesslin: I don't think it has much to do with that. That's right. Of course. I remember reading a book in the
• 3:32
  Raymond Aaron: 60s called Steal This Book. And there was a line in it that I remember from all that long time ago.
• 3:39
  Raymond Aaron: And that is, I lost interest in English during English class. I lost interest in geography during
• 3:46
  Raymond Aaron: geography class. And so that's what you're saying, that we're born joyful. Every kid is joyful.
• 3:52
  Raymond Aaron: And then we soon, not soon, but over the years, we learn to disregard it, to keep it in,
• 4:00
  Raymond Aaron: to not let it show. We want to be appropriate. Yes. And so we tamp it down. But I don't.
• 4:06
  Raymond Aaron: I personally don't. Awesome. Joyful. My favorite word, as all my tens of thousands of clients
• 4:12
  Raymond Aaron: around the world know my favorite word is wow and wow jack canfield and i are writing a book
• 4:19
  Raymond Aaron: right now it's actually almost finished and we're tentatively calling it the wow book
• 4:25
  Raymond Aaron: awesome yeah yeah so that was a great word when i saw that you were the wow guy and one of my
• 4:33
  Raymond Aaron: dearest friends is marcy shymoff uh-huh wrote happy for no reason and that's what you're saying
• 4:39
  Raymond Aaron: We need to be joyous, not for an outside reason, not because we win a lottery, but because we have joy within ourselves that comes out all the time.
• 4:50
  Larry Kesslin: Well, there's a part of us, each of us, that is our highest self.
• 4:57
  Larry Kesslin: And our highest self lives 100% love, 100% abundance, 100% gratitude.
• 5:05
  Larry Kesslin: And the crazy part that people, I think, have a hard time with, 100% neutral.
• 5:11
  Larry Kesslin: I think our spirit is neutral.
• 5:14
  Larry Kesslin: I think our mind creates meaning and needs meaning in order to feel safe and feel comfortable.
• 5:22
  Larry Kesslin: And I think that's where joy gets squashed at the beginning.
• 5:26
  Larry Kesslin: When you try to feel safe and comfortable, you create an identity.
• 5:32
  Larry Kesslin: And the farther you are, the more you're attached to your identity, the further you are away from joy.
• 5:38
  Larry Kesslin: Knowing that you are a being that has an identity is different than being your identity.
• 5:44
  Larry Kesslin: Does that make sense?
• 5:46
  Raymond Aaron: Yeah, listen, this is new material.
• 5:48
  Raymond Aaron: I've never heard this.
• 5:48
  Raymond Aaron: I need you to go over it again.
• 5:50
  Raymond Aaron: Sure.
• 5:51
  Raymond Aaron: An event occurs.
• 5:53
  Raymond Aaron: It's my daughter's wedding, and we're supposed to hold it outside, and it rains.
• 5:59
  Raymond Aaron: So we add, God doesn't like us.
• 6:02
  Raymond Aaron: This augurs badly for her marriage.
• 6:04
  Raymond Aaron: We add all kinds of nonsense to it.
• 6:06
  Raymond Aaron: Useless.
• 6:07
  Raymond Aaron: Believe it.
• 6:07
  Raymond Aaron: We somehow believe it.
• 6:09
  Raymond Aaron: And you're saying the more meaning that we add, which people somehow naturally do, the
• 6:16
  Raymond Aaron: farther we get away from our identity and the worse our life is.
• 6:19
  Raymond Aaron: Is that what you said?
• 6:20
  Larry Kesslin: I don't know if we get out.
• 6:21
  Larry Kesslin: No, no, no, no.
• 6:22
  Larry Kesslin: Let's take that back a half step.
• 6:24
  Larry Kesslin: The more we're attached to our identity.
• 6:27
  Raymond Aaron: Yes.
• 6:27
  Larry Kesslin: And the less we know who we truly are.
• 6:30
  Larry Kesslin: Yes.
• 6:30
  Larry Kesslin: And I think there's a being behind the identity that puts on the identity.
• 6:36
  Larry Kesslin: So if you look at us as a being, so the way I'll describe it, there's a way that we can look at it.
• 6:42
  Larry Kesslin: There's a couple of different ways.
• 6:43
  Larry Kesslin: Let's start with I'm 007.
• 6:46
  Larry Kesslin: My being is James Bond.
• 6:49
  Raymond Aaron: Yes.
• 6:49
  Larry Kesslin: And I was given this vehicle.
• 6:51
  Larry Kesslin: It's called a human body.
• 6:52
  Raymond Aaron: Yes.
• 6:53
  Larry Kesslin: And that human body is magnificent.
• 6:56
  Larry Kesslin: It pumps blood.
• 6:57
  Larry Kesslin: Do you think about that?
• 7:00
  Larry Kesslin: Sometimes.
• 7:00
  Larry Kesslin: Do you think about pumping blood?
• 7:01
  Raymond Aaron: Sometimes.
• 7:02
  Larry Kesslin: Does it digest food, right?
• 7:05
  Raymond Aaron: It does on its own.
• 7:06
  Larry Kesslin: I don't think about that either. And when I'm in the gym, it just pushes weights that I really have to think about it, just do it. But the human body also gives us the opportunity to inspect our brain. And the question is, do we need to? Is inspecting our brain required for living? Or do you think it's possible that our mind in its natural state, the subconscious, will do everything we need it to do? And why can't we just be present?
• 7:34
  Larry Kesslin: No, no.
• 7:36
  Raymond Aaron: I don't know.
• 7:36
  Raymond Aaron: Was it Goita or somebody said an unexamined mind, an unexamined life isn't worth living
• 7:42
  Raymond Aaron: or something like that?
• 7:43
  Raymond Aaron: Of course, the whole human potential movement would decay if what you just said was true.
• 7:50
  Larry Kesslin: Maybe that would be true.
• 7:51
  Larry Kesslin: But I think we'd be a happier creature because the process of pulling it all back behind you
• 7:58
  Larry Kesslin: and realizing that there's something underneath it all.
• 8:01
  Larry Kesslin: So I have this vehicle.
• 8:03
  Larry Kesslin: I am a human body.
• 8:05
  Larry Kesslin: And that human body has the opportunity to process food, to pump blood, and it also has an opportunity to process information.
• 8:14
  Larry Kesslin: The challenge I think we face, identity, is created by active inspection of the mind.
• 8:22
  Larry Kesslin: Now, it's not a bad thing.
• 8:23
  Larry Kesslin: You just said we shouldn't do it.
• 8:26
  Larry Kesslin: No.
• 8:26
  Larry Kesslin: I said that when we do it full time, when that is our identity, when we believe that's what we are, that's where the challenges start.
• 8:35
  Larry Kesslin: When we believe we are our identity, I am a human being that has an identity.
• 8:41
  Larry Kesslin: My identity is helpful for me.
• 8:42
  Larry Kesslin: It's not a bad thing.
• 8:44
  Larry Kesslin: But I'm not Larry.
• 8:45
  Larry Kesslin: Larry is a label I was given as birth.
• 8:48
  Larry Kesslin: I'm a being.
• 8:49
  Larry Kesslin: I'm a spiritual being.
• 8:51
  Larry Kesslin: Yes.
• 8:51
  Larry Kesslin: That has access to a mind, access to a body that produces feelings and emotions.
• 8:57
  Larry Kesslin: It's like I'm the sky.
• 9:00
  Larry Kesslin: My thoughts are the clouds.
• 9:02
  Larry Kesslin: And my feelings are the weather.
• 9:05
  Larry Kesslin: But the clouds go by.
• 9:07
  Larry Kesslin: My thoughts will come and go.
• 9:09
  Larry Kesslin: But I'm still the sky.
• 9:10
  Larry Kesslin: I'm still above it all.
• 9:11
  Larry Kesslin: There's something watching this mind operate.
• 9:15
  Larry Kesslin: And that's my highest self.
• 9:17
  Larry Kesslin: So if we break it down to basic self, conscious self, highest self, that's a concept I learned through a program called Insight.
• 9:26
  Larry Kesslin: It was started by John Roger in LA many years ago.
• 9:29
  Larry Kesslin: And your basic self is your inner child.
• 9:32
  Larry Kesslin: That's your fully reactionary life.
• 9:35
  Larry Kesslin: That's every subscara you have, every pain body, whether you're listening to Eckhart Tolle or Michael Singer, whatever, that your being is rubbed based on how you experience the world as a child, your inner child.
• 9:47
  Larry Kesslin: But if you're only reacting, then you're living as basic self.
• 9:51
  Larry Kesslin: Now, your conscious self is the one that's aware.
• 9:54
  Larry Kesslin: It lives by the four agreements.
• 9:57
  Larry Kesslin: It is conscious.
• 9:59
  Larry Kesslin: It's taking information in, and it's making active decisions based on whatever you've decided.
• 10:05
  Larry Kesslin: But there's a third level, and that's your knowing.
• 10:09
  Larry Kesslin: And your knowing just lives with joy.
• 10:12
  Larry Kesslin: Your knowing lives with gratitude.
• 10:14
  Larry Kesslin: Like we create gratitude lists, I believe, to convince our mind that we're grateful.
• 10:21
  Larry Kesslin: But our being, that highest self, is just grateful, Raymond.
• 10:26
  Raymond Aaron: It just has gratitude.
• 10:27
  Raymond Aaron: Give me something that my subscribers can use.
• 10:30
  Raymond Aaron: How do we attain this gratitude full time?
• 10:34
  Raymond Aaron: How do we rise up to this third level?
• 10:37
  Larry Kesslin: Well, part of it is just being aware that it exists.
• 10:41
  Larry Kesslin: Everything starts with simply noticing.
• 10:44
  Larry Kesslin: everything starts with awareness that there's a problem in the first place and if you're happy
• 10:49
  Larry Kesslin: with your life there's nothing to do i mean forrest gump was brilliantly happy with his life
• 10:55
  Larry Kesslin: he knew nothing i think the more intellectual you become the harder it is to accept life as
• 11:03
  Larry Kesslin: it's presented to you because all the input that we get most of the input that we get is about
• 11:12
  Larry Kesslin: consumption and accumulation. And if you look at all the studies about happiness and joy,
• 11:18
  Larry Kesslin: none of them have anything to do with consumption and accumulation. If you look at the Harvard study
• 11:24
  Larry Kesslin: now over 85 years, they can tell at 50 whether you'll be happy at 80 based on one criteria.
• 11:31
  Larry Kesslin: Do you know what that criteria is? The quality of your relationships. That's it.
• 11:38
  Larry Kesslin: Raymond, the first relationship we need to develop, the most important relationship we need to develop is with ourselves.
• 11:46
  Larry Kesslin: Yeah, I've heard that over and over again, but I don't know what it means.
• 11:50
  Larry Kesslin: So there's a piece of you that is beyond your mind.
• 11:55
  Larry Kesslin: There's a piece of you that's inside of you.
• 11:57
  Larry Kesslin: There's a piece of me.
• 11:59
  Larry Kesslin: And the only way I was able to find it was through some psilocybin journeys.
• 12:03
  Larry Kesslin: Like I lived my whole life as an intellectual who thought I was spiritual.
• 12:09
  Larry Kesslin: And I meet people all the time that think they're spiritual, but they have no access to spirit.
• 12:14
  Larry Kesslin: Spiritual means that you know, and you can't even describe it.
• 12:19
  Larry Kesslin: You just know.
• 12:21
  Larry Kesslin: You know that you're part of something greater than yourself.
• 12:25
  Larry Kesslin: That you can't even, it's non-descriptive.
• 12:28
  Larry Kesslin: It's just a trust.
• 12:30
  Larry Kesslin: It's a knowing.
• 12:32
  Larry Kesslin: And when you know that, then you realize that you have access to thought.
• 12:38
  Larry Kesslin: where the average person that I meet in my life believes their thoughts are them and they attach
• 12:44
  Larry Kesslin: meaning to each thought. So most of the work that I do with clients, which is so enjoyable for me,
• 12:50
  Larry Kesslin: is to help them realize that when they're not attached to an outcome, when they're just
• 12:55
  Larry Kesslin: experiencing what's going on and watching the world unfold. So the question that I've asked a
• 12:59
  Larry Kesslin: lot lately, is it happening to you or is it happening for you? You asked me in the pre-call
• 13:04
  Larry Kesslin: why my company is named Five Dots.
• 13:07
  Larry Kesslin: Steve Jobs, in his commencing speech in 2005 at Stanford University,
• 13:12
  Larry Kesslin: said you cannot connect the dots looking forward.
• 13:13
  Larry Kesslin: You can only connect them looking backwards.
• 13:15
  Raymond Aaron: Yes.
• 13:16
  Larry Kesslin: You have to trust in something,
• 13:18
  Larry Kesslin: pharma, your gut, wisdom, whatever,
• 13:22
  Larry Kesslin: that the dots will somehow connect.
• 13:24
  Larry Kesslin: So I was at a holiday party.
• 13:26
  Larry Kesslin: I was in Denver a few times in December,
• 13:30
  Larry Kesslin: and somebody asked me if I could get you something for the holidays,
• 13:33
  Larry Kesslin: what could I get you?
• 13:34
  Larry Kesslin: as a gift to help your business.
• 13:36
  Larry Kesslin: And I said, you can get me a really good breadcrumb detector.
• 13:40
  Larry Kesslin: She's like, what are you talking about?
• 13:43
  Larry Kesslin: I said, well, life is about following the breadcrumbs.
• 13:46
  Larry Kesslin: Like the world unfolds in front of us every day.
• 13:48
  Larry Kesslin: Right.
• 13:49
  Larry Kesslin: And if you listen to Michael Singer, it's unfolding perfectly every day.
• 13:52
  Larry Kesslin: It's just not meeting our expectations.
• 13:55
  Larry Kesslin: So if we can drop expectation, then joy becomes a lot easier.
• 14:00
  Larry Kesslin: And if we can learn to figure out which breadcrumbs to follow, then that makes life much more enjoyable as well.
• 14:15
  Raymond Aaron: Let me say something interesting.
• 14:17
  Raymond Aaron: Sure.
• 14:17
  Raymond Aaron: In your counseling, the important question you ask is, is this happening for you or to you?
• 14:25
  Raymond Aaron: And of course, everyone thinks it's happening to them.
• 14:29
  Raymond Aaron: That dirty, drunk truck driver hit my car.
• 14:33
  Raymond Aaron: That bad teacher, that bad policeman.
• 14:35
  Raymond Aaron: They all come up with some story about how it's not their fault.
• 14:40
  Raymond Aaron: It's somebody else's.
• 14:41
  Raymond Aaron: And I ask a very similar question, but in slightly different words to my clients.
• 14:47
  Raymond Aaron: I say, tell me why this is the best thing that could have ever happened to you.
• 14:52
  Raymond Aaron: And at first, they're horrified.
• 14:54
  Raymond Aaron: It's his fault.
• 14:56
  Raymond Aaron: Don't you understand?
• 14:57
  Raymond Aaron: Great.
• 14:58
  Raymond Aaron: And eventually after they complain for 10 or 20 minutes, they eventually settle down.
• 15:03
  Raymond Aaron: I say, OK, fine.
• 15:04
  Raymond Aaron: So tell me now why is it the best thing?
• 15:07
  Raymond Aaron: And they'll quietly say, well, I would have never realized I had such resilience if it weren't for that.
• 15:16
  Raymond Aaron: And so they come up with some reason, even if they have to force themselves to do it.
• 15:21
  Raymond Aaron: But it's much better to be at cause than to be a victim.
• 15:26
  Raymond Aaron: And they eventually realize that.
• 15:27
  Larry Kesslin: My book is this collection of eight stories. And it's people that I've met. I went to Africa in 2012. I went there to bring computers to rural villages. I thought I was doing good. And I was there to change the world. Yes, I was a successful entrepreneur. My business was thriving. I was making a lot of money. I'm living in San Diego, California. I drive the right car. I'm doing all the right things. I travel whenever I want to. I go wherever I want to. I've been to 42 countries. I've been to just about every state in the United States.
• 15:56
  Larry Kesslin: I've got all this stuff that I've accumulated.
• 15:58
  Raymond Aaron: Yes.
• 15:59
  Larry Kesslin: And I get to Africa and I meet this young man who's 24 years old.
• 16:02
  Larry Kesslin: His name is Armstrong.
• 16:04
  Larry Kesslin: He's the first story in the book.
• 16:06
  Larry Kesslin: And Armstrong, I was introduced to, is that there's this kid here.
• 16:09
  Larry Kesslin: He wants to become a pilot and he's got no money.
• 16:12
  Larry Kesslin: But he's living at a puddle jumper airport in Nairobi called Wilson Airport, which is where all the planes go for the safaris.
• 16:19
  Larry Kesslin: And he needs $1,000 to take a pilot's test.
• 16:23
  Larry Kesslin: Well, it turns out that that week, Turkish Airlines had lost our bags for six days.
• 16:28
  Larry Kesslin: And they gave me $1,200 for my inconvenience, which nobody ever gets money for losing their bags.
• 16:34
  Larry Kesslin: But Turkish Airlines gave me money.
• 16:37
  Larry Kesslin: I spent about $200.
• 16:38
  Larry Kesslin: I literally had $1,000 left over.
• 16:42
  Larry Kesslin: And somebody asked if they knew anybody that could donate $1,000 to this kid who wanted to become a pilot.
• 16:48
  Larry Kesslin: Now, think about it.
• 16:50
  Larry Kesslin: I just got $1,000 from an airline.
• 16:53
  Larry Kesslin: not some random person but an airline and now i meet a kid named armstrong i mean you're an
• 16:59
  Larry Kesslin: american you know neil armstrong is it's like armstrong needs money to go become who who
• 17:04
  Larry Kesslin: wouldn't do that come on that's my life so i give a thousand dollars to armstrong after convincing
• 17:10
  Larry Kesslin: my now ex-wife that it was a good idea and it's 13 years later and armstrong's now living in the
• 17:16
  Larry Kesslin: United States. He's like my third child. And then I met another young man, Trinity, a year and a
• 17:23
  Larry Kesslin: half ago. This is now my fourth. These are things that happen for us. They show us. And I can tell
• 17:32
  Larry Kesslin: you, Trinity, the other young man that I met in 2024 at a conference down in Mexico, if you meet
• 17:39
  Larry Kesslin: these people, I went there expecting to solve their world problem. And what I found where they
• 17:46
  Larry Kesslin: happier than anybody I know. So what am I doing? I'm coming. And then I get back and seven weeks
• 17:53
  Larry Kesslin: later, I go to this conference in Mexico called Opportunity Collaboration, which I went to in
• 17:58
  Larry Kesslin: 2012, 2013, 2014, took a decade off and went in 2024. And on that journey, I learned so much about
• 18:06
  Larry Kesslin: social impact because that's what I was focused on. I want to go change the world. And the first
• 18:11
  Larry Kesslin: three questions that were asked of me seven weeks after I got back from Africa was what is poverty?
• 18:17
  Larry Kesslin: who gets to define it and why are we trying to fix it i'm like holy like what am i doing
• 18:27
  Larry Kesslin: what is poverty and i realized that the people i met were not poor they were impoverished yes they
• 18:35
  Larry Kesslin: didn't have stuff but man they were so much richer than we are so who gets to define it really good
• 18:42
  Larry Kesslin: question. And then why are we trying to fix it? Because if we make them look more like us,
• 18:47
  Larry Kesslin: we'll feel better. Yes, it's for us. And then that day, when I figured all that stuff out,
• 18:53
  Larry Kesslin: about a year later, took a trip around the world with my family in 2015, I realized that all my work
• 18:59
  Larry Kesslin: was to be focused in San Diego. I live here. I have more problems in my backyard than there are
• 19:07
  Larry Kesslin: that I can touch and affect in Uganda and Kenya, which is where I went to fix things.
• 19:12
  Larry Kesslin: Yes. Then a year later, I went to Nicaragua. I'm like, I'm going to go fix the world. And there's so many problems in my own backyard. And that one conference taught me that if I want to impact change, I'm better off impacting in my backyard with people that look like me than going around the world trying to make myself feel better. That's not what it's about.
• 19:34
  Larry Kesslin: For some people, that change is what they're about.
• 19:37
  Larry Kesslin: Like going to Africa, for some people, it feels like home.
• 19:41
  Larry Kesslin: For me, it was an experience.
• 19:43
  Larry Kesslin: It was a lesson.
• 19:44
  Larry Kesslin: It was learning.
• 19:45
  Larry Kesslin: It never didn't feel like home for me.
• 19:48
  Larry Kesslin: It was something that I needed to bring to my home.
• 19:51
  Raymond Aaron: Larry, I loved when you said that you wanted to help Armstrong.
• 19:55
  Raymond Aaron: And there was all these coincidences and ironies.
• 19:57
  Raymond Aaron: It was a beautiful story.
• 19:59
  Raymond Aaron: But he actually dramatically improved your life.
• 20:03
  Raymond Aaron: became your third child. And interestingly, that happened to me just today. And I'd like to tell
• 20:11
  Raymond Aaron: you that story. I had an extra copy of Robert Kiyosaki's Cashflow Quadrant game. And so I
• 20:20
  Raymond Aaron: decided to sell it on Facebook Marketplace. And to be safe, instead of meeting him at my home,
• 20:28
  Raymond Aaron: I met him at a local Starbucks. Fine. So I drive there. I'm waiting for him. And he shows up.
• 20:34
  Raymond Aaron: And I realized, oh, dear God, I left the game at home. Am I crazy? And so I said to him,
• 20:42
  Raymond Aaron: you know what? Follow me to my home. It's only 15 minutes. And in exchange for your inconvenience,
• 20:48
  Raymond Aaron: I will give you the game as a gift. So I thought that was the end of it. He comes to my home.
• 20:54
  Raymond Aaron: and he says, that's a beautiful home you have.
• 20:58
  Raymond Aaron: And you drive a beautiful car.
• 21:00
  Raymond Aaron: What do you do?
• 21:02
  Raymond Aaron: I said, I teach you how to double your income
• 21:04
  Raymond Aaron: doing what you love.
• 21:06
  Raymond Aaron: He said, that's why I'm buying the cashflow game.
• 21:08
  Raymond Aaron: I want to get rich.
• 21:09
  Raymond Aaron: I want to understand well.
• 21:11
  Raymond Aaron: He said, what's your job?
• 21:13
  Raymond Aaron: I said, I'm a professional speaker.
• 21:15
  Raymond Aaron: He says, I want to be your client.
• 21:18
  Raymond Aaron: And so it came from my giving him a gift of a game,
• 21:22
  Raymond Aaron: which was like under a hundred dollars and he might be a client of mine forever and who knows
• 21:29
  Raymond Aaron: how much money he'll invest in me but regardless of the money it's the joy that i'll get from saying
• 21:36
  Raymond Aaron: that guy that guy out of the hundreds in my class i remember that guy he's the guy that wanted to get
• 21:43
  Larry Kesslin: rich and i helped him there's a lot of people that have ideas and have thoughts but don't take action
• 21:51
  Larry Kesslin: so where does everybody ask me where do you start you start by simply noticing and then you start
• 21:57
  Larry Kesslin: taking action yes and sometimes the action is not external action the hardest the hardest action is
• 22:05
  Larry Kesslin: internally uh-huh is helping yourself realize meditation mindfulness finding ways to quiet
• 22:11
  Larry Kesslin: one's mind to realize that how to get past it how to find the other side of the mind how to find the
• 22:19
  Larry Kesslin: piece of you that has quiet, the piece of you that is connected to everything around us.
• 22:24
  Larry Kesslin: We are all connected. There's no way that we're individual beings. There's no way. I can't imagine
• 22:30
  Raymond Aaron: that. That's the trust that we need to have. I remember asking a spiritual leader how that's
• 22:37
  Raymond Aaron: possible. I hear gurus say that we're all connected, but it seems to me we're not. I'm
• 22:49
  Raymond Aaron: want you to think that you're a wave and that there's another wave a mile away that absolutely
• 22:55
  Raymond Aaron: is another wave. But you're the ocean. You're not the wave. According to the ocean, all the waves
• 23:04
  Raymond Aaron: are connected. I said, that's the first time I've ever understood it. Thanks for that metaphor.
• 23:11
  Larry Kesslin: I'm not a guru. I'm just a guy. I built an entrepreneurial business. People say all the
• 23:19
  Larry Kesslin: sold your company. I walked away from my company after 20 years. I had a wonderful business,
• 23:24
  Larry Kesslin: published a book. I was known in the industry and I went dark. I've been dark in that industry for
• 23:31
  Larry Kesslin: a decade. The IT channel is where I built my business. I made some money and I did not sell it.
• 23:37
  Larry Kesslin: I had some ideas that I wanted to rewire my life. So I pulled my kids out of school for a semester.
• 23:45
  Larry Kesslin: where they were in seventh and ninth grade.
• 23:47
  Larry Kesslin: We took a trip around the world.
• 23:48
  Larry Kesslin: And in 2015, I landed back in San Diego.
• 23:51
  Larry Kesslin: And for the last decade plus,
• 23:53
  Larry Kesslin: I've been building a life in San Diego.
• 23:56
  Raymond Aaron: Wow.
• 23:57
  Larry Kesslin: Conscious life,
• 23:58
  Larry Kesslin: like trying to find the people that are my tribe.
• 24:02
  Larry Kesslin: And instead of trying to find my community,
• 24:04
  Larry Kesslin: I'm learning after a decade that I need to build it.
• 24:07
  Larry Kesslin: So for those people in San Diego
• 24:09
  Larry Kesslin: that are purpose-driven, good business leaders,
• 24:11
  Larry Kesslin: I have something I call the social impact society.
• 24:15
  Larry Kesslin: and I help bring people together that want to live in a world where they want to make a difference
• 24:21
  Larry Kesslin: and they're not sure exactly how and they want to find others that want to do the same thing
• 24:25
  Larry Kesslin: and I help them find each other because it's not easy when I first came back to San Diego people
• 24:31
  Larry Kesslin: kept asking me who can I introduce you to and I would say it's not a who like what are you talking
• 24:37
  Larry Kesslin: about it's not a who I said I'm looking for a specific psychographic and they said what's that
• 24:44
  Larry Kesslin: and I knew I was in trouble because people didn't know what a psychographic was, but that's another
• 24:48
  Larry Kesslin: conversation. So I said, I'm looking for self-aware, world-changing, get shit done dolphins.
• 24:55
  Larry Kesslin: And they're like, huh? I said, I like people who know who they are. I want people that want to leave
• 25:00
  Larry Kesslin: the planet better than they found it. And in San Diego, if you live here long enough, there's a lot
• 25:04
  Larry Kesslin: of people that talk that don't do much, but there's a lot of people that do a lot, but you got to
• 25:08
  Larry Kesslin: discern between the two. And then I have this concept of sharks, dolphins, and sharks that dress
• 25:12
  Larry Kesslin: up as dolphins. So if you've read Adam Grant's book, Give and Take, the dolphins are the givers,
• 25:18
  Larry Kesslin: the sharks are the takers, and the matchers are the sharks dressed as dolphins. They come looking
• 25:24
  Larry Kesslin: like they're giving something, but they really want something in return. So my journey has been
• 25:30
  Larry Kesslin: trying to find the dolphins, the ones that are self-aware. So what I dislike is when someone
• 25:38
  Larry Kesslin: gets mad at me. And then two months later comes back and says, remember that conversation we had
• 25:43
  Larry Kesslin: two months ago? It really bothered me. And I've been walking around for two and I'm like, if you
• 25:48
  Larry Kesslin: can't tell me what's going on for you and you don't have enough awareness, or if it bothers you and
• 25:53
  Larry Kesslin: you just hate me because I rubbed you the wrong way, I don't have time for that. Because there's
• 25:58
  Larry Kesslin: so many people that are self-aware that, so I just started dating somebody about a year ago and we're
• 26:05
  Larry Kesslin: getting it's getting very serious and the one thing i love about them more than anything
• 26:10
  Larry Kesslin: is the thing i was looking for she owns her feelings i do not make her angry and she does
• 26:18
  Larry Kesslin: not make me sad or happy or anything she is her i own my feelings she owns her feelings
• 26:25
  Larry Kesslin: i just do things that trigger her so when something happens we have a choice
• 26:31
  Larry Kesslin: express one's feelings and then we have a choice you can either heal the hurt because it's your
• 26:37
  Larry Kesslin: hurt because i'll tell you something happened where my car got towed and it was in her parking
• 26:43
  Larry Kesslin: lot and i felt like i was being uncared for and i told her that but that's my wound she's not an
• 26:50
  Larry Kesslin: uncaring person she's actually a very caring person she just did not do some things that
• 26:56
  Larry Kesslin: caused the car to be towed so that felt uncaring to me but she's very caring so to say that you're
• 27:03
  Larry Kesslin: uncaring that is what destroys relationships to say i felt uncared for and that's my own wound
• 27:11
  Larry Kesslin: yes that's a beautiful way to approach things yes so that's the opportunity we have is do we come
• 27:16
  Larry Kesslin: from our own place and do we own our own feelings because all our feelings are are triggers from
• 27:23
  Larry Kesslin: wounds we have in our lifetime. Yes. Yes. So how do we change that? Larry, I want to end our
• 27:32
  Raymond Aaron: delicious conversation with two things. Sure. First of all, if you live in San Diego and you're an
• 27:39
  Raymond Aaron: aware dolphin and you want to join his social impact society, how do they get in touch with you?
• 27:46
  Larry Kesslin: Email is Larry at Kesslin.com.
• 27:48
  Larry Kesslin: K-E-S-S-L-I-N.com is the email.
• 27:53
  Larry Kesslin: And you can go to my website, five-dots.com.
• 27:57
  Larry Kesslin: I do not promote the Social Impact Society.
• 28:00
  Larry Kesslin: It's an invite only.
• 28:01
  Larry Kesslin: There's no marketing materials.
• 28:02
  Larry Kesslin: There's no nothing.
• 28:03
  Larry Kesslin: It is people that I meet that I truly feel are appropriate are the ones that I invite in.
• 28:09
  Larry Kesslin: I do not market it at all.
• 28:10
  Larry Kesslin: It's an invite only.
• 28:12
  Larry Kesslin: But they can learn more about me.
• 28:14
  Raymond Aaron: By magical serendipity, there may be a perfect dolphin listening to this right now.
• 28:20
  Larry Kesslin: Maybe a perfect dolphin in San Diego.
• 28:22
  Larry Kesslin: That would be great.
• 28:23
  Raymond Aaron: The second thing is you have a joy assessment.
• 28:28
  Raymond Aaron: Yes.
• 28:29
  Raymond Aaron: And that's available at five dots.com.
• 28:31
  Raymond Aaron: And it's the number five.
• 28:34
  Raymond Aaron: Yes.
• 28:34
  Raymond Aaron: Hyphen, a dash dots dots.com.
• 28:39
  Raymond Aaron: Correct.
• 28:39
  Raymond Aaron: Named after Steve Jobs.
• 28:41
  Larry Kesslin: Well, started from his commencement speech, yes, about connecting dots.
• 28:46
  Raymond Aaron: Yes.
• 28:46
  Raymond Aaron: And I love that insight.
• 28:48
  Raymond Aaron: Thank you.
• 28:49
  Raymond Aaron: Because you might be attracted to a store and have no idea why you're going in.
• 28:55
  Raymond Aaron: And you go in and you meet the woman or man of your dreams, or you hear a song that you
• 28:59
  Raymond Aaron: love or something, but you can only look back and say, it's only because I had that thought
• 29:04
  Raymond Aaron: that I should go into the store that it happened.
• 29:07
  Raymond Aaron: But looking, sometimes I get an idea and I go into the store and there's nothing there.
• 29:13
  Raymond Aaron: So, yeah, you know, you understand.
• 29:16
  Raymond Aaron: OK, so if sometimes it feels like a nut, sometimes don't.
• 29:20
  Raymond Aaron: So even though he's not looking for sorry, even though he's not asking for invitations, if you happen to be an appropriate dolphin and you happen to live in San Diego and you happen to want to join his social impact society, you can email him at Larry.
• 29:36
  Raymond Aaron: at Kesslin, K-E-S-S-L-I-N.com.
• 29:40
  Raymond Aaron: And if you want to take his joy assessment for free,
• 29:44
  Raymond Aaron: go to five-dots.com.
• 29:48
  Raymond Aaron: Larry, you say you're not a guru,
• 29:50
  Raymond Aaron: but you damn well are one.
• 29:52
  Raymond Aaron: I love you.
• 29:53
  Raymond Aaron: You're amazing.
• 29:54
  Raymond Aaron: My name is Raymond Aaron,
• 29:56
  Raymond Aaron: New York Times top 10 bestselling author,
• 29:58
  Raymond Aaron: and I endorse Larry Kesslin.
• 30:01
  Larry Kesslin: Thank you very much, Raymond.
• 30:05
  Raymond Aaron: Wow, I sure hope you enjoyed that fascinating episode.
• 30:09
  Raymond Aaron: Please make sure you've subscribed and please tell your friends if you like it,
• 30:13
  Raymond Aaron: that they will probably like it as well.
• 30:15
  Raymond Aaron: For your information, this experience, this service, this podcast
• 30:20
  Raymond Aaron: has been sponsored by the Orbit Coaching Program.
• 30:23
  Raymond Aaron: All of my friends, all my world-famous speaker friends, all have coaching programs.
• 30:28
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• 30:35
  Raymond Aaron: You cannot purchase it.
• 30:36
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• 30:40
  Raymond Aaron: If you're interested, please email me at respark at aaron.com.
• 30:46
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• 30:50
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• 30:54
  Raymond Aaron: and include your cell phone number so that I personally will call you back.