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How to "believe" in your success when you don't have the results yet · #BeMoreLobster

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_01: How do you believe when you don't see evidence?
• 0:04
  SPEAKER_01: How do you keep holding belief in your vision, in your dream, when right now you don't see any evidence of the outcome that you're trying to create?
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_01: Let me tell you, it is hard to hold belief ahead of time.
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_01: It's hard because you've got to manage your brain on purpose.
• 0:21
  SPEAKER_01: It's hard because you have to regulate yourself in the challenge, not to the calm.
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_01: It's hard because you have to create safety in the hard emotions that you would normally run from.
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_01: And whilst doing all of that, you have to take coherent, grounded action and doing that and not knowing if it's going to work out or how it's going to turn out.
• 0:43
  SPEAKER_01: And that's why you rush to get a result.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_01: Because when you get the result, you can stop holding that belief so hard and you can just breathe.
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_01: But it's that thought process, that energy that's preventing you from getting you what you want.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_01: So today we're going to talk about how you can hold a belief ahead of time.
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_01: So you can stop rushing, you can stop feeling crappy every day, you can actually start creating the results that you want.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_01: So if you're ready, you know what to do.
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_01: Grab your brew, let's dive right in.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_01: Let's break this down a little bit, shall we?
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_01: I want to start by saying that if somebody brings this to the coaching table for me, like I just need to get there.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_01: I just need to kind of like, I just need to get a result.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_01: And they and they're in this element or this energy of rushing and getting there quickly, it's always rooted in disbelief.
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_01: Their motivation is I have to get out of this pain.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_01: It is so hard and so heavy to keep holding this belief when I don't have any evidence.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_01: I've created no evidence that is working.
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_01: I haven't I haven't got the outcome that I want yet.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_01: And it just feels so hard and it feels so heavy to keep believing ahead of time.
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_01: And if I can just get it, then it's gonna be easier because I can just breathe again.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, no, it won't be easier though.
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_01: Because you'll have not become the person with the skill set to hold belief without evidence.
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_01: You'll never know how to be the per that have that self-concept of something that's like, I've got this goal, I'm gonna go for it, I don't know how, but I know it's gonna happen.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_01: It's the inevitability.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_01: And you don't develop that skill set if you just keep in the rushing energy trying to create the result.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_01: Even if you do get the result, you still don't have that skill set.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_01: And you're re and you're teaching yourself, like I have to get the result to believe, and you're still you'll constantly be creating from lack, and you'll never get rid of that.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_01: You also never learn to build sufficiency in yourself.
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_01: And let me tell you, as somebody that's learned this the very long and the very expensive way, without the ability to hold belief ahead of time, because you feel so sufficient in yourself and your ability to figure shit out no matter what, you're never gonna create a sustainable business and you're never gonna have that daily life experience that gets you out of bed in the morning thinking, Jesus, I'm just so lucky that this gets to be my life.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_01: I've still got a ways to go before I get anywhere near the outcome that I want.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_01: But a couple of years ago, I decided that I would no longer let the quality of my daily life be decided by the results in my business, and it was a game changer.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_01: And now I'm so much more enthused about what I get to do every day because I hold full sufficiency in my ability to figure this out, and I'm not in a rush because rush means I don't believe.
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_01: I want to just talk about some of the symptoms that you might notice within yourself if you feel like sometimes maybe you're stuck in that rushing energy and that lack energy.
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_01: And what I find quite interesting is a lot of the symptoms are actually like contrary to what you're saying.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_01: So you're saying, like, I want to get there really quick, like I have to get to get out of this discomfort, I have to find, like, I have to get out of this pain.
• 4:07
  SPEAKER_01: But what I see happening here a lot is is is avoidance, not taking action, or taking action that actually doesn't line up with the result that you're trying to create.
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_01: There's like incoherence there.
• 4:19
  SPEAKER_01: I see people not selling anything, right?
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_01: So if you're in business, you want to make money, right?
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_01: Because that's what business is about as well.
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but they don't sell.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_01: Then if they do sell, they often over-deliver, undercharge, needing to work with more people, needing to prove that they're okay, that they're not greedy, da-da.
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_01: All these things that are in total kind of like misalignment with this overarching goal that you want.
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_01: And then other two other things that also I find come up regularly in coaching conversations is like number one, failing ahead of time, holding a frame of reference for your future result that basically says, Well, it's not going to happen anyway, or I don't have the time anymore, I've left it too late.
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_01: And so, because you've already failed ahead of time, it's another reason why you don't show up for it.
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_01: Because you've prophesied you've catastrophized an outcome.
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_01: If we go back to what sparked motivation, which is ambition plus expectancy, if you're already expecting things to not work out, that's why you can't show up for your ambition, for your goal, for your vision.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_01: Because the overarching energy that you're in every day is like there's not really a lot of point, even if you don't hear yourself saying that.
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_01: But the longer that you're in a space where you don't you don't create evidence, the the more it'll feel true that it's pointless to keep holding the belief.
• 5:39
  SPEAKER_01: But it's this, it's this intertwining, like it's it's a self-perpetuating, self-fulfilling prophecy.
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_01: Because when you hold that belief and you keep in a space of an energy of rushing, and maybe you for you, like you don't like your energy is rushing, but the action isn't happening, or you're taking action that is from a space of lack, which dilutes its efficacy, you just keep creating more of what you don't want.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_01: So lots of people will set themselves up and fail ahead of time, which why why staying motivated feels very hard.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_01: And the other one as well is like when you're having conversations with friends or family or ex-colleagues, and they're talking to you about well, how's your business going?
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_01: It's crucifying.
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_01: You don't want to say, Oh, it's shit actually, like I'm not creating results, but you know what?
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_01: It's all good.
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_01: Like I'm what like you'll find a way to say it's good, I'm working on it.
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_01: But it but inside it feels completely incongruent because you're like it, but it doesn't.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_01: And because you don't have that self-sufficiency and that self-belief, it feels like you get into convincing energy or you get into shame energy when people ask you how things are going.
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_01: Because you're projecting out the limiting thoughts that you're having about yourself and you're thinking they're going to think the same thing about you.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_01: And what's really important about this is if you are in a partnership, you are married, or if you're in a partnership where you are.
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_01: I really want to do another podcast on this, but I think I've yeah, I do want to do another podcast on this about like if you're if you're looking to them to help you with your investments or support your investments, and you're holding this belief of disbelief, you're not really selling it to them.
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_01: And you're gonna feel even more pressure to prove a point.
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_01: So just see if you can identify with yourself in any of those spaces without blame, shame, or judgment, just be an awareness and acceptance of that.
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_01: And so, what I want to do now is I want to just share with you like how this came up in a coaching conversation, actually just this morning, and I'm gonna take you through the process that we went through.
• 7:45
  SPEAKER_01: So the first thing was we was actually coaching on congruence, being the person that lives in congruence with the vision of the higher self that is required to create a result that's different to what you have now.
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_01: If you haven't listened to the Mirror Frame podcast from I think it was last week, you need to go listen because it's gonna make so much more sense here.
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_01: So if you're not living in congruence with the person that you know is needed to live into that big vision because you're living in the circumstance of now and you're acting as the current self, like your self-concept is the person that gets wrapped up in the circumstances of now and can't pull themselves to the bigger vision and act from that space, it and it creates this lack of coherence.
• 8:33
  SPEAKER_01: That's why we were talking about a congruency because I wanted to make sure they were congruent with the future vision.
• 8:38
  SPEAKER_01: And when we were talking about um congruence, I said to them, remember when we were talking last week, we talked about motivation and the three steps of motivation.
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_01: And the first step of motivation is sparking it, and sparking motivation requires the ambition, the vision, the goal, the you know, that that that thing that you're like, oh my god, that could actually be possible for me.
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_01: And it requires the ambition plus the expectancy.
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_01: There needs to be an expectancy that it's gonna happen for you, that you're gonna create the result, that you're gonna figure it out.
• 9:15
  SPEAKER_01: Because if you're holding an ambition with the expectancy of zero, motivation's not gonna come along.
• 9:23
  SPEAKER_01: And how hard is it gonna be for you to show up every day for the ambition with the expectancy of this isn't gonna work out, this isn't a take too long, this isn't gonna be too hard, like it's just not available for somebody like me.
• 9:36
  SPEAKER_01: And a client on the call sort of said, actually, that's where I recognize my problem is I don't really believe in the really big vision.
• 9:45
  SPEAKER_01: And and I said, Well, what's what's causing that?
• 9:48
  SPEAKER_01: I said, like what where's what where where's the compromise happening?
• 9:50
  SPEAKER_01: What's happening there?
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_01: She said, Well, it's because I'm I'm just being so busy and uh but I'm not being consistent.
• 9:58
  SPEAKER_01: I'm busy, but I'm not being consistent.
• 10:00
  SPEAKER_01: I was like, Oh, that's interesting.
• 10:02
  SPEAKER_01: So I said to her, let me offer you this.
• 10:05
  SPEAKER_01: I said, I think what's actually really happening is you're sending all your attention to the big vision and letting yourself believe that it's not possible for you, and in that space, it gives you permission to not build the bank of evidence for the smaller dream, and because you don't have any evidence in the bank for the how you show up for the smaller dream, of course the big dream feels impossible, and every time you keep focusing on the bigger dream and how impossible it is, it's also giving you permission to stay safe in taking no action at all.
• 10:43
  SPEAKER_01: So you're never creating the smaller dreams, you're never creating your bank of evidence.
• 10:49
  SPEAKER_01: I said, So I want you to think about as we move into this next round of coaching, what does a smaller vision look like?
• 10:57
  SPEAKER_01: If we brought the goalposts forward, what would have to happen?
• 11:00
  SPEAKER_01: What would you create in your business in your life to let you know that you were the person showing up to build your bank of evidence for your vision?
• 11:08
  SPEAKER_01: You were building self-trust and sufficiency through the actions that align with your vision, even though it's hard, even though it's scary, and even though you don't know it's going to work out yet.
• 11:20
  SPEAKER_01: Because that's what builds the new self-concept.
• 11:24
  SPEAKER_01: So we coach with that.
• 11:25
  SPEAKER_01: So then we've got talking about consistency, and she's like, Like, I just know I'm not consistent.
• 11:31
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, I'm super, super busy, but I'm not consistent.
• 11:34
  SPEAKER_01: And I said, Well, that's not technically true.
• 11:38
  SPEAKER_01: You are consistently choosing to be busy, and you're consistently choosing to be busy in with things that are not moving the needle towards the goals that you want.
• 11:49
  SPEAKER_01: You're consistently telling yourself that you're busy and you don't have time, you're consistently telling yourself that you don't believe in the bigger vision.
• 11:57
  SPEAKER_01: So consistency isn't the problem, it's the direction of the consistency, it's the where the consistency lives.
• 12:05
  SPEAKER_01: So you've actually just got to be consistent in the needle movers.
• 12:09
  SPEAKER_01: And she was like, Yeah, I get that.
• 12:11
  SPEAKER_01: And she said, but here's the thing, she said, I realize, like, because I'm not consistent, I don't believe.
• 12:18
  SPEAKER_01: I was like, oh no, no, no, no.
• 12:20
  SPEAKER_01: You don't believe, and therefore you're not consistent.
• 12:26
  SPEAKER_01: So she's like, Well, how do I build belief so I can be consistent?
• 12:30
  SPEAKER_01: I said, you don't.
• 12:32
  SPEAKER_01: You be consistent in the absence of belief, and the consistency builds belief.
• 12:37
  SPEAKER_01: The consistency of being the person that acts outside of your current identity and your current self-concept, the person that shows up consistently even though you don't know how or if it's going to figure out this how it's gonna work out at all, or if it'll work out this particular way, you show up consistently even though it's really, really hard.
• 12:55
  SPEAKER_01: You show up consistently even though like you you're not 100% sure on like if this is the right avenue or not.
• 13:05
  SPEAKER_01: So you build belief by being consistent ahead of time.
• 13:10
  SPEAKER_01: Because every time you take an action towards the vision and you build that bank of evidence, you're building your belief, you're building your self-trust.
• 13:19
  SPEAKER_01: You keep the promises you make to yourself.
• 13:21
  SPEAKER_01: That's a big part of congruency.
• 13:23
  SPEAKER_01: If you keep making promises to yourself and then backing down, you lack congruency in self, and that will destroy your self-trust.
• 13:32
  SPEAKER_01: It will destroy your self-belief, it will destroy your coherence, it will make it very, very hard to coherently sell what you do in such a deep level of disbelief and lack of self-trust.
• 13:48
  SPEAKER_01: So I said, so first of all, in order to build belief, you've got to build your evidence bank for commitment to the vision, commitment to the new forward-oriented self-concept.
• 13:58
  SPEAKER_01: You've got to be consistent ahead of the belief, and then you've got to do the intangible work.
• 14:03
  SPEAKER_01: You've got to do the intangible work of using NLP and somatics.
• 14:07
  SPEAKER_01: So you release limitations at the body level and you reframe and you rehearse and you anchor the future self and the vision and you bring it into now.
• 14:16
  SPEAKER_01: The stuff that's not going to create an immediate return, but it's building up the bank.
• 14:20
  SPEAKER_01: And let me tell you, you get to a certain point and the quantum results start happening.
• 14:25
  SPEAKER_01: Trust me, that's my current experience.
• 14:29
  SPEAKER_01: You also have to create a sense of safety in slowing down.
• 14:34
  SPEAKER_01: So do you stop uh reinforcing the story that speed is momentum, that speed is action, that speed is like worthy.
• 14:43
  SPEAKER_01: You've got to create a sense of safety in slowing down and becoming an essential in what you choose to act on.
• 14:53
  SPEAKER_01: And you then have to practice holding belief for longer and longer and longer periods of time.
• 14:57
  SPEAKER_01: And it can look as simple as if I just, if I'm recording this podcast right now and I have to believe that it's it's worth the time of investment, that somebody's gonna listen to it and go, my god, that like changed something for me.
• 15:08
  SPEAKER_01: If I believe that my, you know, the podcast is gonna be something that's gonna change somebody's life today, and you hold that belief for five seconds and then you hit record and you go.
• 15:18
  SPEAKER_01: And maybe as you go through the podcast, the self-belief rises, or maybe it doesn't, but you just keep going.
• 15:24
  SPEAKER_01: And then you learn to hold that self-belief, that that belief in your vision for another for 10 seconds, and then a minute, and then five minutes, and you find ways to anchor into that belief ahead of time, and you hold it for longer, longer periods of time so it doesn't become heavy anymore.
• 15:39
  SPEAKER_01: It becomes who you are.
• 15:40
  SPEAKER_01: I'm just somebody that knows how to hold belief ahead of time, and I'm so good at it that even if someone looks at me like I'm cray cray, like, yeah, but look at what you've created, you're like, it doesn't matter.
• 15:50
  SPEAKER_01: I I just know, I just effing no.
• 15:54
  SPEAKER_01: Imagine that.
• 15:55
  SPEAKER_01: Imagine if you could walk around using the frame of I just effing no.
• 15:59
  SPEAKER_01: And you'll know if you're holding true belief because when you say I just effing no, when it feels very grounded and solid and in your body, like you know you've got there.
• 16:10
  SPEAKER_01: If it if it wavers, you feel nauseous, there is a bit of like you hear the voice going, yeah, right, like there's still work to do, and that's okay.
• 16:20
  SPEAKER_01: Nothing's gone wrong.
• 16:22
  SPEAKER_01: You just gotta find your method.
• 16:25
  SPEAKER_01: So as you wrap this up, I want you to remind you that this belief often looks like rushing, it often looks like speed, it often looks like throwing things out there or taking no action at all, and it actually just pushes your ver your vision further and further away.
• 16:40
  SPEAKER_01: It erodes your self-trust, it erodes self-belief.
• 16:44
  SPEAKER_01: So it's not that things are not working, it's that you are not the coherent being.
• 16:49
  SPEAKER_01: When you practice belief, which in my opinion should be the foundational part of your your business building, and I don't mean belief from a stick of freaking post-it note on your mirror and look at it every morning and do the odd freaking money meditation at nighttime.
• 17:07
  SPEAKER_01: I'm talking about belief that lives in your bones, that lives in your cells.
• 17:11
  SPEAKER_01: It's just who you are, and you build that self-concept, it aligns with the vision, it aligns with the future, and it and it like it jumps timelines, it collapses timelines, and then that's where the quantum leap happens.
• 17:25
  SPEAKER_01: But it's that paradox of you're you're rushing at speed, believing that speed will get me there quicker so I can let go of this pain, I can have the belief, versus you becoming the business owner that goes, right, I'm willing to give it time.
• 17:37
  SPEAKER_01: I am willing to give it time and invest so heavily in building this self-concept, this identity of belief and sufficiency and creating safety and slowing down and taking the essentialist route because I know that when I do that, I collapse timelines on what might have taken me three, four, five years until now, I'm gonna get the result in three months, in six months.
• 17:58
  SPEAKER_01: This is happening for me right now in my life.
• 18:01
  SPEAKER_01: And let me tell you, the weirdest thing is is that it would if I had to sum it up in three things that's created this result in my life right now, it would be making what I would term a really large and horrifically bad investment in November last November, which caused me so much shame that thank God I worked with my coach who helped me through it.
• 18:26
  SPEAKER_01: It would be deciding to slow down and to actually use the somatics and use NLP to release limitation at a much, much deeper level and trust in the compounding interest of that.
• 18:42
  SPEAKER_01: And thirdly, and maybe a little weirdly, um deciding back in June that I was really sick to death of my own story about um how since perimetopause I was struggling with motivation around working out and I'd put on some weight and I felt uncomfortable, and I'm like, what eff it?
• 18:58
  SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna do a HIROX.
• 18:59
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm actually doing two, four weeks apart, end of October and beginning of December.
• 19:04
  SPEAKER_01: And training for the HIROX has been a complete, a complete identity shift for me.
• 19:11
  SPEAKER_01: So sometimes we we create results by doing different different things in our lives.
• 19:16
  SPEAKER_01: So I want you to know that the biggest gift you can give yourself now is building belief ahead of time, being consistent ahead of time, getting evidence in your bank, choosing to come from a place of sufficiency and letting that be a skill set that you're willing to practice.
• 19:31
  SPEAKER_01: Now, if you love this episode, obviously I'd love for you to share it, and I really would like a subscribe if you'd be so great to do that.
• 19:37
  SPEAKER_01: Make sure you're following me on Instagram and Facebook.
• 19:40
  SPEAKER_01: I've got something super exciting coming up, and I want you to be the first to know.
• 19:43
  SPEAKER_01: Um, thank you for being here.
• 19:45
  SPEAKER_01: I appreciate you, and I'll see you again in the next episode of the Be My Lobster podcast.