Latest / Cage Match: A Roundabout Way of Meeting Nicolas Cage / Grand Isle

Transcript

Grand Isle · Cage Match: A Roundabout Way of Meeting Nicolas Cage

0:01
Oh, God. Oh, my God. Next up, Adaptation, November
0:24
7th. Oh, yeah, that's a thing. It's on the calendar.
0:29
Oh, and I booked your next one after that too.
0:31
Perfect. Yeah. Yeah. I'm coming to this one.
0:34
Good. Yeah. What? Mustache. Yeah, ever since
0:47
I watched this movie a couple of weeks ago, I
0:48
just got real excited. And I was just like, you
0:51
know what? Let's just see what happens. Let's
0:53
just let's take it out there a little bit. So,
0:55
dear listeners, Sean just seal clapped in joy
0:58
because Nick is where Nick has grown. Nick has
1:02
grown an all natural, very delightful mustache.
1:06
Yeah, it's thick. It's a soup dipper. Yeah, it
1:09
blows in the wind. Wow. It really kind of does.
1:13
Yeah, it's a pretty good one. You should feel
1:15
it drag across your lip. You want to come here?
1:18
Just like just a little a little. That's that's
1:22
audio medium. Sean could see we can lie. So you
1:28
throw enough sight gags into an audio podcast
1:32
and eventually they're not sure what you're actually
1:35
doing. I think most people haven't been sure
1:38
what we've been doing for about four years. Including
1:40
me. They certainly don't know what we're doing
1:43
since we finished the bracket. Yeah. I mean,
1:46
if we're going to continue with the sight gags,
1:47
we really need to hire a Foley artist. What would
1:50
this... Okay, God, never mind. I was going to
1:52
say, what is the sound of a fake mustache and
1:56
a real mustache rubbing together? But I don't
1:58
know. I don't want the Foley for that. We can
2:00
record it. Peter, you're wearing a fake mustache?
2:11
well just like this movie let's get this over
2:13
with uh my name's sean this is cage magical and
2:16
roundabout way of meeting nicholas cage we haven't
2:18
done this in a minute this feels weird this one
2:20
came late it's kind of our usual cadence but
2:23
yeah i'm out of practice well there's a little
2:28
more space between our recordings i'm here Whoa.
2:35
See, everything's off. Nothing makes sense anymore.
2:39
And our producer. Peter, hello. And our once
2:44
and future bartender, Justin. Hi, Justin. Hi.
2:48
Yeah, welcome aboard, Justin. Thanks, y 'all.
2:50
I feel like you've been party to our antics for
2:54
a long time. I have. I've listened to about 10
2:58
minutes of... the pod so oh nice yeah you're
3:01
primed then you've gotten it irl you've gotten
3:05
the live show it's true it's true yeah i get
3:07
the live show for free you've been a captive
3:09
audience for some years that's true yeah i mean
3:13
as justin and nick showed up today my daughter
3:15
cora was like are you gonna talk about butts
3:17
and poop a little bit probably i mean we probably
3:20
probably this movie doesn't have either but like
3:23
we can we can work there's a little there's a
3:26
little side but yeah side butt when was there
3:29
a side butt when uh when they get up off the
3:31
bathroom floor after uh after banging oh the
3:35
actress is katie strickland she's uh yeah i don't
3:38
remember that i just remember her name is katie
3:41
because she spells it her name is silly oh it's
3:43
fancy oh yeah fancy because it's francine france
3:48
all but it's southern fancy how could i have
3:51
not remembered that yeah That's a real lady in
3:56
the tramp kind of writing right there. Absolutely.
3:58
It's like, come on. So this is another one of
4:01
the Nick Cage 2019 movies. This week we're discussing
4:04
Grand Isle. Yeah, Grand Isle. Thank you, Sean.
4:08
Starring Nicolas Cage and about five minutes
4:11
of Kelsey Grammer. yeah they had him for the
4:14
day doing his best like uh doing a little foghorn
4:17
leghorn actually foghorn leghorn well i'm just
4:20
a southern detective i'll say i'll say i'll say
4:24
yeah the worst madlock ever honestly like if
4:28
you're gonna wear an all -white suit and be like
4:31
in any way law law related i expect at least
4:35
one hot dog Yeah, what? Why did he do this movie?
4:40
Why did anyone? But, you know, I assume. But
4:45
there couldn't have been. There wasn't that much.
4:47
The budget in this entire movie was five million
4:49
bucks. So, you know, if Cage is getting a million
4:51
or two off the top of that, like, I mean, maybe
4:55
he blew all of his X -Men money. I'm going to
5:01
say monkey paw curse. He got Frasier, and in
5:05
exchange, he had to work on Grand Isle for all
5:09
of maybe 15 hours. To be fair, I feel like this
5:14
was a really fun taping. It probably was. Like
5:18
him shooting the bottles off the roof. That's
5:23
a blast. Come on. I like that this movie really
5:27
fully utilizes the set piece and everything.
5:31
Like you get to go upstairs in the house, downstairs
5:34
in the house. Extra downstairs. There's multiple
5:36
rooms. Extra upstairs. Yeah. The layout. The
5:41
toppest most for shooting. The layout was incredibly
5:43
confusing. Extra downstairs was clearly just
5:48
a random hallway in another building. Right.
5:53
That was an office space. That was very liminal.
5:56
Exactly. And then a police station and a diner.
6:00
Is that it? Yeah. Yeah. Was the diner from earlier
6:04
the diner from later? I can't imagine they could
6:08
afford two diners. I don't know that kind of
6:11
budget. It was only five million bucks. Yeah,
6:13
we're going to shoot both scenes today. Yeah,
6:15
exactly. We're going to rough up Buddy. All right,
6:17
Buddy, this time you're not hurt. This time you're
6:20
hurt. Yeah, you definitely do the hurt scene
6:22
afterwards. You don't want to do the cleanup
6:25
between? Nope. so justin you have the luxury
6:31
and treat for us of explaining what this movie
6:35
is yeah uh so give us a summary but also tell
6:38
us about your experience of watching it and like
6:40
with whom etc yeah i watched it with my australian
6:44
friends and my partner julia and um this is a
6:48
god a whirlwind of about gosh 80 minutes of build
6:53
-up and like them seemingly trying to wrap up
6:56
the film in about 15 minutes um but yeah you
7:00
know it's nick cage doing classic nick cage stuff
7:04
he's unhinged crazy wife hot wife crazy guy hires
7:10
a i guess there's a there's a like military connection
7:13
there between yeah cage and buddy cage's character
7:18
and buddy and they're that's like a bonding moment
7:22
for them and almost almost like derogatory from
7:26
one side yeah well nobody nobody feels good about
7:29
hanging out with sailors that's true yeah and
7:32
you know i think uh also just thinking about
7:36
him calling him tadpole now is grosser thinking
7:38
about all the like semen needs of this movie
7:41
oh the semen needs that sounds like something
7:46
that should have been budgeted like you found
7:48
one line somewhere there it's like semen you
7:51
need 12 bucks for semen 12 dollars of semen what
7:56
homeless guy did you 12 bucks is a good deal.
8:00
I've never donated sperm. How much do you get
8:02
for that? You can get up to $50 per. Okay. It
8:05
depends on... So $12 a semen is... Yeah, plasma
8:08
is more worth it. Yeah, but you can do it multiple
8:11
times. Oh, yeah, you can. You can crank multiple
8:15
times a week. Yeah, I think you can do like two
8:19
or three a week. Yeah, I think if you're, I mean,
8:21
they check your count, right? Yeah, yeah, they're
8:23
going to look at it. If you have low numbers,
8:25
they're not going to pay you as much or anything.
8:27
You just replenish. Yeah, that's right. Is there
8:30
anything else you'd like to know? I can tell
8:31
you. Yeah, tell me more about cum. Oh, okay.
8:33
Well, cum. Ten minutes into the pod. Might as
8:41
well, might as well. Things have cum unhinged.
8:47
yeah there's really not like a big plot line
8:49
to this right okay so there's a storm coming
8:51
they've got a fence that needs repair right like
8:53
his wife is horny he's a drunk why do they need
8:57
that fence repaired peter oh yeah ah because
9:00
they shot a guy who chose to rob the wrong house
9:03
which is also like very unexplained yeah and
9:07
then like okay so they shoot him and then put
9:10
him in the fuck prison yeah where'd he go yeah
9:12
they just kind of like they shoot him and then
9:14
it's like oh we have this fence that needs repair
9:16
there's a bloody board yeah don't worry nobody
9:18
notices yeah yeah it's okay he won't notice it
9:21
he didn't do shit the whole time buddy yeah for
9:25
a guy who owns a fence like fencing company uh
9:29
all he did was replace those two like horizontal
9:33
boards I don't have fence technology or like
9:37
terminology to add to this. And he got too horny
9:39
that he hit his own hand. Uh huh. Yeah. Who amongst
9:43
us? Understandable. But yeah. So like the deep
9:47
cut of the entire thing is, is what it's that
9:50
they can't have a baby, but then it's also like,
9:54
it sounds like they did have babies. Like they
9:57
had a factory. Cause that lady was like the baby
10:00
maker. Right. But then why did they have no kids?
10:05
I'm assuming they eat them. I mean, there's a
10:08
lot that they don't like. I mean, you don't even
10:10
know about the baby stuff until like the end.
10:14
Yeah, it's like the last two minutes. Yeah, they
10:16
just wrap that one up real quick. It's like it's
10:18
weird. Like you assume that she's just got a
10:20
bunch of what you call them like voodoo dolls
10:24
and stuff because you see one little thing like
10:25
that. But there's no like explanation of like
10:29
why. The sheer amount of voodoo references there
10:34
were. They showed him at least ten times in the
10:37
film. I only noticed the one egregious one where
10:40
it was him being like, oh my god. There's the
10:43
one solo and then later there's a whole mantle
10:46
full of them. The mantle is the one I caught.
10:49
Just like so much of nick cages and uh fancy's
10:56
problems in this film is like their whole thing
10:58
is they hate each other um they've been married
11:01
for 15 years not even that long to hate each
11:04
other that much i think it was 15 years it's
11:06
like it's not that much to have that much fucking
11:07
hate it's important because it's their anniversary
11:10
oh that's right He fell asleep with sunglasses
11:15
on. Or did he? He brought her a stud. I think
11:20
she hired him. Yeah, he didn't know anything
11:22
about it. She hired out for a fence guy after
11:27
Cage shot that guy through their fence. Well,
11:30
he shot that guy for her to fuck. I don't know.
11:36
That must have been it. But he's also having
11:39
home problems because he hasn't fucked in six
11:42
months. Oh, yeah. There are lots of good like
11:45
blowjob questions and stuff like that. Oh, yeah.
11:49
Definitely that. How long has it been since you
11:50
got your dick sucked in? I don't remember words,
11:53
but. So Buddy, the sailor, goes to see his wife.
12:00
Yeah. The fence repairman. Sailor fence repairman.
12:05
Sees his wife. She's got a little kid. And he's
12:09
like, we, you know, we haven't fucked in six
12:10
months, whatever. And she's like, well, I want
12:13
to get a job. And he's like, you can't get a
12:14
job. Your job is being a mom. And he's like,
12:16
but also have your sister take care of that fucking
12:18
sick baby. She's got a cough right now. Not my
12:25
problem. gotta get that dick whip so apparently
12:29
i've watched this movie twice now um that's my
12:33
favorite fact about this entire experience is
12:35
that you've already seen this movie yeah chose
12:37
to watch it before yeah i intentionally watched
12:41
it because i didn't think we were ever gonna
12:42
do this so i watched it and then immediately
12:47
i guess forgot it all because josie was like
12:50
we've seen this movie i was like i don't believe
12:52
you you're a liar and a woman and Then we put
12:56
it on. It's like, oh, I recognize this. This
12:59
is this seems reasonable. I've probably seen
13:01
a trailer for this. And then, no, no, no, no.
13:03
I remembered everything as it happened. So she's
13:06
still a liar and a woman. But there's not a lot
13:09
that actually happens in this film. Like I keep
13:13
calling it film. It's silly. For lack of a better
13:17
word. Yeah. Yeah. This this movie, there's not
13:20
a lot that actually goes on. you know well yeah
13:25
there's no like major theme there's no plot there's
13:27
no like big reveal other than that they're creeps
13:31
but they're like creeps from the get right i
13:34
mean nick cage the way he says haha is oh yeah
13:38
come on man it is cool that we get a little bit
13:42
of extra like nicholas cage is the bad guy kind
13:45
of thing yeah because we don't we don't get enough
13:48
of those yeah so the whole like framing story
13:52
in this film is Buddy is being questioned by
13:54
Kelsey Grammer, who is a detective. Right. You
13:59
can tell because of his nice suit. Yeah, he's
14:02
a southern detective. I cannot watch Nick and
14:07
have this conversation. Go on. I should have
14:13
saved my burrito for this podcast. I just housed
14:16
a burrito while finishing my work so I could
14:19
be here. Don't feed the stereotypes. I gotta
14:21
say, Sparkle Buddies and Sauerkraut Hot Dogs
14:24
combined as a smell is quite an experience, so
14:30
bless your heart and that mustache. A little
14:35
flavor saver. So Buddy is being questioned by
14:39
Kelsey Grammer because there's been a murder
14:42
and he's telling his side of the story about
14:48
how He got there to build a fence. They were
14:51
creeps. His truck wouldn't start. So we had to
14:55
like ride out a hurricane at the creeps house.
14:59
Fancy wanted to fuck him. Nick Cage was just
15:03
hanging out with guns and talking about, you
15:06
know, being a Marine for all of 15 minutes. Don't
15:09
call him Jarhead. And then once Nick then wants
15:13
Buddy to kill Fancy. cyanide you just put it
15:18
on the rag but instead buddy fucks fancy and
15:22
then she stabs nick cage and then they're gonna
15:27
escape and like all the problems will be solved
15:30
if they just leave and nick cage is like back
15:34
out the basement and then fancy tries like to
15:37
kill buddy and then they're like in cahoots to
15:39
kill buddy because buddy knows too much but he
15:43
didn't know anything and it also felt like they
15:47
were all along in cahoots because she stabs him
15:49
in the hand right yeah but then but then he's
15:53
like why'd you have to stab me so dang hard you
15:55
know and it's like i don't know i don't know
15:58
that seems like a thing that you wouldn't say
16:00
unless you were like we were planning this the
16:02
entire fucking time just in case yeah i feel
16:05
like this was a movie that was being written
16:06
on the day and that they wrote it in a day and
16:09
filmed it in a day And they saw Kelsey Grammer
16:13
at a bus stop in a white suit. And they're like,
16:15
can we borrow you? We just need you for five
16:17
minutes, my friend. You know who I know? They
16:19
only had Kelsey Grammer for one day. Besides
16:22
the fact that he has like seven minutes of screen
16:24
time. When the cops finally show up at their
16:27
house, he's not there. It's another lady detective
16:31
that they have to invent just to go to the house.
16:34
Because in the final scene where Kelsey Grammer
16:36
and Nick Cage are on screen at the same time,
16:38
it's after Nick Cage shaves. Why? Sorry, why
16:41
is that relevant? Oh, no, I was just saying like
16:43
how I know they only had Kelsey Grammer for a
16:46
day. Oh, I got you. Yeah, you're right. Yeah,
16:50
I think this script was put together by bits
16:53
that were left on the cutting room floor for
16:55
something else. Like there's a better movie out
16:58
there somewhere. And these are the bits that
17:01
got shaved out. I don't think there's a better
17:02
movie of this. I don't know. Oh, you think this
17:04
is just peak? I don't think there is. I do think
17:07
there's a ton that got cut. I think that. Absolutely.
17:10
There's too many loose ends. It's entirely possible
17:13
that the better movie was also never released.
17:17
something this movie could have taken i mean
17:19
definitely bless them for making this thing only
17:21
90 minutes like this had been two hours i would
17:26
have killed myself i'm gonna go i'm gonna go
17:29
against that argument that uh a bunch of shit
17:31
was cut i don't believe anything was cut i believe
17:34
that's all they filmed i just there's so many
17:39
loose ends that's that's that's my reasoning
17:41
here it's just it's just bad writing and cheap
17:44
like the big hint that gives away that there's
17:47
something up at the house is buddy finds the
17:51
not dead body of the kid that got shot at the
17:55
beginning of the movie who was straight up wearing
17:57
a burglar's outfit with like white and black
18:00
stripes um so dear viewers dear listeners nick
18:11
is drinking mostly through his mustache a buzz
18:15
ball out of a uh is that the riddler no it's
18:19
always the right it's the riddler mcdonald's
18:22
glass cup i should have got another twisty straw
18:25
here no no this was always the point dripping
18:29
so much i shouldn't have worn a white shirt it's
18:32
so trippy These microphones will never smell
18:37
the same. Your house will never smell the same.
18:42
There's a second hot dog, people. They're hot
18:47
links. I embraced Fancy's Louisiana -ness. Got
18:52
hot links and like coffee liqueur. That is a...
18:56
It's a chocolate buzz ball. Okay, yeah. Well,
18:58
you're a sharp waiter. I hope. That's the finale.
19:05
the reason they believe buddy is because he found
19:08
the not dead body of the kid who got shot because
19:12
he was hooked up to an IV for reasons and the
19:15
kid had a piece of cloth that had a bunch of
19:17
Japanese characters on it was that the kid that
19:19
got shot it was okay I did not pick up on that
19:22
at all why did he have her like kimono outfit
19:26
I'm assuming he tore a piece off of it when they
19:29
were forcing them to fuck yeah But also, why
19:33
was he in the upstairs and not in the locked
19:35
basement? Wasn't he? He was in the locked basement.
19:38
No, he was just in like their pantry. Hmm. Because
19:42
he never but he never gets into the basement.
19:44
So he's just like a guy in their pantry. I think
19:48
he does go into the basement. He doesn't get
19:51
into the locked back door. No, he doesn't. He
19:54
doesn't make it to the basement because when
19:55
he's unlocking the doors, Fancy pulls the gun
19:57
on him and shoots the door and then he runs into
19:59
the side room. Wow, that walrus mustache when
20:03
you look confounded is really impressive. Be
20:06
confounded again. Him referencing the piece of
20:12
cloth with Japanese characters on it makes the
20:15
other detective be like, people have been going
20:19
missing. This woman was... wearing uh this you
20:24
know asian was wearing a dress with japanese
20:26
characters on it and they're like was this the
20:28
dress they said yes when they eventually find
20:30
her she is wearing a red dress it's not the same
20:32
dress well yeah the dress in the photo looks
20:37
like she was wearing one of those like paper
20:39
lanterns some family just wrote all their hopes
20:42
and prayers on her and then maybe it was fancy
20:45
you know i don't and i'm not rooting for buddy
20:48
in this movie because fuck buddy he's an idiot
20:50
Like everything, everything he did was wrong,
20:52
including when the cops show when he's like when
20:56
the cops show up later and they're just firing
20:58
indiscriminately at Nick Cage's character's car
21:01
as he peels out. There are houses across the
21:04
street, but he could have just been like, y 'all
21:06
are weird. I'm going to go like see if anyone
21:08
else will let me like hang out on their porch.
21:11
I mean, Buddy is clearly a dipshit. Yeah. Like
21:15
that's pretty well established. Also, let's let's
21:17
back it up a minute. Speaking of being backed
21:19
up, he hasn't come in like six months, dude.
21:22
Yeah, so cut him some slack. Yeah, that brain
21:25
ain't working right. He's all clogged up. Yeah,
21:28
apparently his hand also doesn't work. You know.
21:33
I just don't think he ever learned how. Yeah,
21:38
sorry. That's that's more of a marine thing.
21:43
Sailors had some other outlet. I don't know.
21:47
It's like a reverse thing. A different inlet.
21:50
That's right. Why didn't the kid still want Buddy
21:52
to kill the wife after he like pole cocked her?
21:57
She stabs him. Nick Cage like punches her out.
22:01
Then like threatens Buddy to do the murder. Well,
22:05
he needs him to do the murder. So that way he
22:08
can't get charged for it. And he'll probably
22:11
end up killing Buddy. My assumption was he was
22:13
just going to kill Buddy afterwards anyways and
22:15
be like, he killed my wife. He took my job. Yeah,
22:19
so why didn't you just kill Buddy, do the same
22:21
murder, and then blame Buddy? Oh, God, I don't
22:25
know. This is like one of those movies that I
22:27
watched. I watched this in two nights because
22:30
I could not handle doing it in one. I watched
22:33
it two nights, too. It's like, what's true? I
22:39
just like nothing about it. sticks in my brain
22:43
in a good way like usually i can find something
22:45
that's like that's funny and i'm gonna remember
22:46
that and i'm like looking through my notes right
22:48
now and i'm like what what what am i talking
22:51
about you know what was funny to me was the scene
22:53
where he goes out in a blaze of glory yeah like
22:56
just the Oh, suicide by cop is just the best
23:00
way to go. The physical acting of Nick Cage in
23:01
a moment like that is just, it's so fucking good.
23:04
So camp. What were they called? Like Rough Riders?
23:07
Like Sharpshooters? Something like that? Yeah,
23:11
Gunslingers. Gunslingers checking out. His tragic
23:18
backstory is he was going to go to, he went to
23:22
Vietnam for a day, but like fucked up his Well,
23:28
I think he fucked up in a like boot or something
23:31
because everybody else got deployed except him.
23:33
It was like the day after. Training because some
23:36
guy threw a grenade. Yeah, some ding dong threw
23:38
a grenade. And then his entire his entire like
23:43
platoon got like wiped out. And instead of thinking,
23:47
wow, I really dodged a bullet by jumping on that
23:52
grenade. He's like, man, I should have been there.
23:55
I could have saved them all. Or also died with
23:57
all of them. That's the most likely outcome,
24:00
but I don't think he sees that. No. He's just
24:02
a big dumb Marine. He thinks he's a hero. I could
24:05
have saved them. Yeah. Yeah. Real white savior
24:08
complex. So that hurricane didn't seem all that
24:11
bad. No, it did not. They did board some shit
24:15
up, but. We see the aftermath of it where like
24:18
the news shows like how. devastated the town
24:20
was but based on what we were seeing in the house
24:24
really was just kind of windy it was pretty wet
24:27
it came down pretty good it's kind of like those
24:30
um there was a couple years ago where there was
24:31
like the big storms coming to seattle and then
24:33
it was just a bunch of pictures of like one lawn
24:35
chair knocked over it's like yeah okay yeah kind
24:37
of that that's my favorite seattle storm energy
24:41
certainly not the kind on the basketball court
24:45
Oh, God. Fuck off. What? They lose a lot. OK,
24:52
so like there are just some really fucking absurd
24:54
quotes in this. And like, that's the only thing
24:57
that kind of stands out to me. OK, so Fancy is
25:01
in the bathtub and he's going in there to fucking
25:03
cyanide her or whatever. And then she just goes.
25:07
do you want to hear my young boy fantasy oh yeah
25:10
no and then immediately for the crotch hold on
25:15
i gotta jerk you off while i do this okay now
25:17
that scene was actually pretty cool where she
25:19
like managed to flick his fucking oh yeah i'm
25:24
assuming she has a bottle opener on the bottom
25:27
like those cool like shitty flip -flops oh yeah
25:30
but it's just the heel of her And then the drama
25:35
of it being like in the doorframe or whatever,
25:38
as if he's going to see that and be like, that's
25:39
from a pant. Right. After like 18 scotches. When
25:46
he like is barely sober enough to get up the
25:48
stairs. Yeah. But he was comatose like 10 seconds
25:51
ago. Oh, let's see. Here's another good one.
25:54
You made me hit a woman because you couldn't
25:56
finish the job. We finished the job. You think
26:03
I have a dark side? You have no idea. Another
26:09
fancy. I'll look him right in the eyes as you
26:13
make me come. This movie is absurd. Oh, my God.
26:18
Yeah. Oh, when they were like, she wanted him
26:22
to fuck her right in front of Nicolas Cage. He's
26:26
tied down. Let's just fuck me right here. Fucking
26:30
Kelsey Grammer. What do you think this is? New
26:32
York? D .C.? D .C.? Yo, Grand Isle, son. We don't
26:38
subscribe to that big city nonsense. I say, I
26:41
say. D .C. nonsense being wanting a lawyer. Can
26:47
I get a phone call? No. What do you think you
26:51
are, boy? D .C.? This is Louisiana. oh boy i
27:02
think that's it for my notes good good episode
27:04
yeah there was some like quote specifically from
27:09
nicholas cage about getting getting a buddy getting
27:12
his dick sucked but i cannot remember it for
27:14
the life of me uh when was the last time you
27:17
had your uh cock Sucked. Yeah, yeah. What a great
27:23
way to say it. Hey, complete stranger who's here
27:26
to work on my fence and stuck because of rain.
27:29
Which, like, that line in particular makes me
27:31
feel like it's really just all a big cuck fantasy
27:33
for Nick Cage. It should have been a big red
27:35
flag right there, too. Like, hmm, I mean, I like
27:39
that mustache, but... Yeah, that should have
27:42
been the first red flag for Buddy. The first
27:44
one right there. She had gone off. It wasn't
27:47
her kissing his boo -boo. That is a little weird.
27:54
After serving him what was very much an alcoholic
27:57
iced tea. If not more. Oh, well, maybe Viagra.
28:02
I think she laced him with a little blue pill.
28:05
Yeah, maybe. Yeah. You know what? I would not
28:07
have got much of that fence built either if I
28:10
had a raging hard -on. If you were bricked up.
28:12
Yeah. Is that a phrase? You never heard bricked
28:16
up? Oh, it's a great one. It's a great one. Bricks
28:19
are hard. They are, in fact. And the building
28:25
block of society. Indeed. Damn right. Much like
28:27
boners. So, Justin, you watch this with Australian
28:31
friends who are Nick Cage fans and Julia. What
28:33
did they think of this movie? Nick Cage fans
28:36
and Julia. And Julia. Who I don't think is a
28:39
Nick Cage fan. Yeah, admittedly not a Nick Cage
28:42
fan. Not a hater, though. Do you think she'd
28:45
like this movie more if you were? If you grew
28:48
a mustache, much as I have grown a very natural
28:50
or borrowed this one. Authentic mustache. I think
28:53
she would love if I borrowed this one right after
28:55
the episode. Yeah. Brought it home, wore it home.
28:57
100%. Buzz balled up. Straight, straight appropriate
29:01
funk. Dripping, yeah. Still wet. She actually
29:05
fell asleep. God bless her. About 50 minutes
29:11
in. Oh, she missed all the good stuff. She missed
29:14
the resolution. Second buzz balls hitting the
29:18
pod. I got all these buzz balls left. I got to
29:24
drink them. I keep forgetting they exist in my
29:27
house. Oh, are those from the show? Absolutely,
29:30
they are from the show. They are pink flocked
29:32
buzz balls from our Dick Cage movie show. Yeah,
29:35
they're the snowballs. Oh, God. Okay, so Julia
29:39
fell asleep. Julia fell asleep, yet went to bed.
29:42
The Australians were... Unimpressed, I will say.
29:48
Tell me why. Did they not realize he contained
29:53
range? That there was levels to his performance
29:58
ability? No, you know what? It was a fun watch
30:01
for all of us. I think it's good. to watch that
30:04
with people that are like fans of the actor that
30:07
are able to laugh at his like worst performances.
30:11
Not that this is anywhere close to his. No, no.
30:13
Actually, I enjoyed a Nicolas Cage in this film.
30:16
I will go out. I don't think he's the issue here.
30:18
No. Yeah. It's that fucking Kelsey Grammer. Yeah.
30:25
Kelsey Grammer. He's always dragging shit down.
30:28
Yeah. But yeah, no, we had a good time. I'll
30:32
say that they didn't have that many comments.
30:34
There was, there was some points where we were
30:35
like predicted exactly what was the fuck was
30:38
going to happen, you know? But also like, I think
30:40
they were the most pissed off about there being
30:42
no mention of voodoo whatsoever. Nothing to do
30:45
with anything. Yeah. Weirdly, the thing that
30:48
pissed me off most about this movie is. he comes
30:51
in his car doesn't start whatever it's a hurricane
30:53
whatever he's like i gotta hunger down here and
30:56
they're like drink drink the fucking wine you
30:58
know and then she's making soup and then they
31:01
serve meatloaf for dinner josie josie was on
31:06
about the same thing she's like what what the
31:08
fuck is up with that soup i don't know man i
31:11
was like maybe it's a gravy but no it's not i
31:14
assumed she was just making like stock for later
31:18
I don't know. But why even bother filming that?
31:23
It's the dumbest shit that bugs me about these.
31:25
These movies are so bad. This is what I get caught
31:27
on, Sean. You get caught up on other things that
31:30
are more important. I'm like, no. Where was that
31:32
goddamn soup? What is she doing with it? I mean,
31:37
that normally would bother me if I could bother
31:38
to care about this film at all. Yeah. And he's
31:44
like, my car broke down and a hurricane's coming.
31:47
And she's just like, you're the worst man ever.
31:51
The thing that I hated the most about this is
31:54
when he called his wife and asked how his kid
31:56
was. She didn't say, oh, she's good. She's cute.
32:01
Or whatever it was. Fucking... What was that
32:04
kid's terrible name? Cinderella? Yeah, Cinderella.
32:07
How's Cindy? She's good. She's sweet. Oh yeah,
32:10
she's sweet. Why isn't this kid sweet? Because
32:14
this kid hates your dad. That would have been
32:16
an A -plus banger callback. That would have been
32:20
an incredible Easter egg. Just buried in there.
32:22
For us. Yeah, for us. Hey, Nick Cage. Go make
32:26
a bad movie and just throw a little reference
32:28
in there that hopefully we catch. Hopefully we'll
32:31
watch it a lot. Just mention an exploded lady
32:33
and then I'll laugh really fucking hard. So good.
32:36
Yeah, just oh, just have a news clip going on
32:39
in the background of a bar scene. And it's just
32:41
like the the rooftop cover. What's her face blowing
32:46
up? Was it Shube? No, it wasn't. It wasn't Shube.
32:50
It was Jessica Biel. Oh, yeah. Jessica Biel.
32:52
Exploding Jessica Biel. How many Exploding Jessica
32:55
Beals do we give this movie? Wait, is that a
32:59
sign of a good movie or a bad movie? It doesn't
33:02
matter. I'm keeping all of my Exploding Jessica
33:07
Beals for myself this time. it's been six months
33:11
the movie gets few i was thinking about this
33:16
the other day i'm like how could like what what
33:17
can we do next like how how do we keep this rolling
33:19
i'm like maybe we do a race to the bottom maybe
33:21
we just do like a like a mad dash through like
33:24
all the first round failures to see what the
33:26
worst film in the bracket was then i looked at
33:28
the bracket again i'm like no i don't ever want
33:30
to watch any of those movies again except for
33:33
adaptation And again, most of the movies that
33:35
we're watching in season three are the ones that
33:37
did not make the bracket. They're potentially
33:42
sometimes not worse than the movies that were
33:45
in the bracket. So, yeah, there's only maybe
33:47
one or two like honorable mentions, I would say.
33:50
And we didn't realize that until afterwards.
33:52
Like Amos and Andrew. Exactly. The only one I
33:54
could think of. That's the first one that came
33:55
into my mind. Kind of racy, but it's got Sam
33:59
Jackson. So you expect that? Yeah. amos and andrew
34:02
maybe could have made it further because it was
34:04
actually a funny movie in the comedy bracket
34:06
comedy was a lot of our comedy bracket stuff
34:09
was pretty fucking thin yeah although it probably
34:12
would have seeded against raising arizona yeah
34:15
it would have gone out immediately yeah it's
34:17
like oh okay but it made the bracket we saw that
34:19
movie oh my god lawn jockeys why why has that
34:25
ever been a thing i don't know man racism runs
34:29
deep boy don't no wrong phrase oh boy this pile
34:43
of shit in front of you man your body is disgusting
34:48
i'm just glad this is a new shirt because i have
34:51
to wash it anyways I treat all my new laundry
34:55
this way. Pour a couple of buzz balls and sauerkraut
34:59
dogs on them. Excuse me. I had to be very specific
35:02
about my mustard usage, too, because I was like,
35:04
I can't get it on the white shirt. But now a
35:09
chocolate buzz ball. Let it rip. So, OK, Sean,
35:12
here's a question for you. Where do you put this
35:14
in the lower echelon of Cage movies? We've seen
35:17
some shit. I was just looking at that. I would
35:23
put this just above a Tokarev. OK, above a Tokarev.
35:28
All right. Better than Rage. And that I don't
35:31
remember anything. I don't remember anything
35:33
about. I don't remember anything about Rage.
35:35
No crime jacket. No. Yeah. Oh, that gave us crime
35:39
jackets. Rage is Tokarev, you fucks. Yeah. It's
35:44
the same movie, you goddamn morons. I'm not.
35:46
I know what we're talking about. I couldn't remember
35:50
the American name. Look at me. You think I don't
35:53
know this? When was the last time your dick got
35:57
sucked? Well, when was the last time you got
36:00
your cock sucked? I don't know. This movie is
36:09
going to be just utterly... I think, like Nick,
36:11
this one's going to be one that I immediately
36:12
forget I watched. So, Justin, same question.
36:17
Of all the Nick Cage movies you've seen, what's
36:19
your top two and where does this rank? I'll say,
36:22
I'll say, I'll say. I'll say, I'll say. I'll
36:25
say, I'll say. Her little Kelsey Graham one now.
36:27
It's a little Southern podcast. We don't podcast
36:32
like in D .C. Well, I'll say this. The last Cage
36:36
movie I watched was Prisoners of Ghostland live
36:39
at the Beacon. A good choice. A big choice. It's
36:42
a great film. I own that movie. And you know
36:44
what? This was a more enjoyable watch than that
36:47
for me. No, incorrect. Get him out of here. You
36:51
know, and that's, and that's, and that's fine
36:52
for you to think, Sean. It's just like that.
36:55
There was truly nothing there for me, except
36:59
for his like nutsack exploding. Oh, that's so
37:01
good. Govanna! Govanna! Yeah, like, I don't know.
37:08
I don't know. Maybe it was the live experience,
37:10
too. You know. Well, you probably the live experience
37:13
ruined it for you. I mean, you were sitting.
37:15
I think that might have made it worse. Well,
37:18
I mean, you were sitting fairly close to Rico
37:20
and Pete. I was I was prime, like in between
37:22
the two of them. So, yeah, that's a rough spot
37:25
to be. You know, I don't even like that. Do you
37:27
remember in the Simpsons? Not in a film. Do you
37:29
remember in the Simpsons when they showed the
37:30
3D rendering of the cone of ignorance around
37:33
where Bart sat? of like that yeah exactly yeah
37:36
so um you know i i kind of enjoyed i kind of
37:42
enjoyed It was easier to make fun of than that
37:45
movie for me. Because that movie tried to be
37:48
like art. Yeah, that movie took itself too seriously.
37:52
It was making very intentional choices to be
37:54
the way it was. Right, right. This just was.
37:56
And this just was. And, you know, it felt like
37:59
it wasn't trying too hard, which I appreciate
38:01
about it, you know. But, you know, I think there's
38:05
a little bit more there in Prisoner's Ghost Land,
38:07
for example. But, yeah. That at least had something
38:10
visually for me to like glom onto. This was just
38:13
like. Definitely. It was a white picket fence
38:16
of nothing. Partially repaired white picket fence
38:21
of nothing. Yeah. Can we just briefly talk about
38:24
how terrible the fight scenes in this movie are?
38:28
Oh, you mean when he throws Buddy across the
38:30
fucking attic? That was tight as hell. I know,
38:34
like when they're tussling, when they're like
38:35
fighting over like. Hey, Rosie. Rosie. Are you
38:43
about to give us a visual demonstration? No,
38:47
don't fight your dog. She'll win. I know she'll
38:50
win. I have met Rosie. She's got a knife. No
38:55
teeth, but still. When they were like tussling
38:59
for the for the gun in the living room, just
39:02
like the fighting was awful. And then they do
39:05
fight again in the Addis. attic and nick cage
39:07
does his like signature like sidekick that he
39:10
does oh yeah it was so good also you're telling
39:13
me that this like 25 year old fresh out of the
39:16
marines guy isn't navy yeah sorry navy guy who
39:21
isn't gonna like whoop some ass against a drunk
39:24
ass old nick cage let me ask you one question
39:27
how much hand -to -hand combat do you think navy
39:31
sailors i think there's a lot of hand I'm sure
39:35
there's a lot of hand stuff. I'm not for these
39:41
semen. Were you expecting Nick the Cage to try
39:45
to lock up and Buddy just starts whacking him
39:47
off? Yeah. It's been six months. How long has
39:54
it been since Cage has gotten fucked in this?
39:56
That's what I want to know. It does not seem
39:59
like this whole situation works out very well
40:03
for Cage. But it also feels like Fancy's like
40:06
down to fuck him. I don't know. She never seems
40:09
to have any interest in Kate. Well, she was going
40:12
to fuck him on their anniversary for sure. Or
40:15
at least you at least get one. Yeah, maybe he
40:18
was very horny. I don't know this movie. OK,
40:24
so it's rated terribly. It's somewhere between
40:26
like a zero and a nine percent. Yeah. Where would
40:29
you put it? Honestly? give it like a 28 it's
40:37
really it's really not that bad what i was gonna
40:39
say yeah it's not a bad movie so okay well okay
40:43
it's a bad movie but it's not a terrible movie
40:45
i think it's got more to it it just needed to
40:48
be i think this is a really brushed up if you're
40:51
really stupid oh yeah you know what i mean oh
40:54
yeah if you're like iq 80 or below Well, I don't
40:57
know. I guess I don't know. If you liked the
40:59
Melania movie, give this a shot. Yeah, let it
41:02
rip. Yeah. Oh, yeah, for sure. Are you a fan
41:04
of Brett Ratner? You'll probably enjoy this.
41:10
I did just because I wanted to. I wanted to watch
41:13
just the trailer today after after I had watched
41:15
it, just to like, you know, kind of just see
41:17
some moments and see if it lines up. But yeah,
41:21
all the comments on on the trailer, they're just
41:23
all from idiots. They're like. I fucking love
41:25
this movie, man. I love this movie. I've never
41:29
seen Louisiana represented so well. This is the
41:31
best movie of the year, man. Come on, man. So,
41:35
yeah, I think it's a really good movie for stupid
41:38
people. And if you are, like, a little bit more
41:41
intellectual than stupid, you're out. Yeah. I
41:45
think that's the best tagline I've ever heard
41:47
for a movie I did not, like, care for. I fully
41:53
agree. This movie is a really good movie for
41:56
stupid people. And I think a lot of movies fall
41:58
in this bucket. Oh, absolutely. Oh, yeah. Yeah,
42:03
yeah. I would agree with that. It's a really
42:04
great movie for stupid people. Well, it's a really
42:07
good movie for people who watch with subtitles.
42:11
Yeah, that's true. You've got to have the subtitles
42:13
on. Otherwise, it's just... Which actually probably
42:17
ruins the movie. Probably. I bet it's intentional.
42:20
I don't know. I don't like... Christopher Nolan.
42:22
It reminds me a little bit. Tenet reminds me
42:25
a little bit of I had a dream once where I learned
42:27
that I could fly. This is back in like 1998.
42:31
I learned I could fly if I ran fast enough and
42:34
I opened my flip phone at the correct angle.
42:37
That's what Tenet feels like to me. Wow. Wow.
42:45
Dumb as shit. But in a dream, you're like, yeah,
42:49
man. I thought those scenes where you were like
42:53
they're walking through the fan factory. I thought
42:56
the subtitles just said indistinct talking. Probably
42:59
he doesn't want to reveal too much. OK, fuck,
43:03
man. I don't even know. I got nothing else on
43:05
this movie. Nick, you were a ridiculous mustache
43:08
and grew. You grew a ridiculous mustache and
43:11
ate. Way more food on microphone than you should
43:14
ever, ever do again. Yep. You poured a glass
43:18
with ice of buzz ball. I brought ice from home.
43:22
You did drink some sparkle buddies out of a straw.
43:26
I had a crazy straw with a whale tail on it.
43:29
I just like, I think we, this movie fucked us.
43:35
I don't, I just, I don't know how to feel about
43:37
Nick. Who's like properly medicated and can focus
43:40
on his bits of it now. The chaos kept me on my
43:44
toes, but it was sedated because Nick barely
43:48
had follow through because he'd get on to the
43:50
next bit. Yeah, he like packed a whole fucking
43:55
thing, man. It was it was a whole plan. I wasn't
43:59
sure how long this recording was going to go.
44:01
And I was like, I got to get through all of this
44:03
in at least 45 minutes because this could be
44:05
a shit show. I got to at least let Sean recognize
44:10
that that I grew a mustache for this. Yeah, it
44:13
was long. It flows. Yeah. It's like one of those
44:16
St. Charles terriers. Oh, yeah. My entire mustache
44:20
is just a St. Charles. It is. You actually look
44:23
more like your dogs now. Yeah. So. Oh, wear it
44:26
home. Not that they're St. Charles's, but you
44:28
do look. Wear it home and see what they do. I
44:29
can't. I can't wear it home because Charlotte
44:31
will lick it and I can't get that sweet little
44:34
girl drunk. That's fair. No, this movie's bad.
44:39
Don't watch it. I say nine is an appropriate
44:42
percentage to get this film. Watch it if you're
44:43
stupid. Yeah. I'm at this point where I'm like,
44:47
I cannot recommend watching this movie. There's
44:49
just no way. Completionists, go ahead. If you're
44:52
dumb, watch it. It is 90 minutes, I will say
44:56
that. It's 90 minutes. It's a tight 90. It's
44:57
a tight 90, so. That's my favorite. 90 minutes.
45:01
90 minutes. Yeah, I say watch it if you want
45:06
to. I mean, it's fine. Like, I mean, it's not
45:08
a good movie. It's no Zandalee. Yeah, in no way,
45:13
shape, oh man, Zandalee, that was a great movie.
45:15
See, his performance is way better in that, but.
45:18
But that's, I think, why we say 28%, because
45:21
it's like, it's not a good movie. Yeah, but it's
45:23
also like you're not going to be like, I regret
45:25
spending time. Yeah, if you go into it prepared
45:29
to watch a movie that is, you know, maybe a 28
45:32
% approval rating, that's what you're going to
45:35
get. I kind of regret watching it. I regret a
45:39
lot of things. Why? I don't know. I don't know.
45:43
I don't know why this one rubbed me wrong. I
45:45
like. OK, Peter and Sean. I haven't come in six
45:47
months. I have. OK, just really quickly. Tell
45:53
me what specifically you would have done with
45:57
those 90 minutes. Oh, there's there's not more.
46:03
You're just asking me what I would do to make
46:05
a movie in 90 minutes? No, no, no. What would
46:07
you have done with those 90 minutes of your life?
46:09
Oh, of my life? Yeah. If you hadn't watched it,
46:12
what would you have done? Oh, man. Not what would
46:16
you have liked to have done. I would have smashed
46:18
two mint juleps. I would have consumed a bottle
46:22
of wine and a bunch of whiskey and then fallen
46:25
asleep. Built a fence. Built a fence. Built a
46:27
fucking fence. Didn't finish it though. Realistically.
46:30
I would have gone to bed. Yeah. Sean, I also
46:34
would have gone to bed. Yeah. Yeah. So like sleep
46:36
is a waste anyway. Sleeps for cowards. Sleeps
46:40
for people who can't handle reality. I raw dog
46:43
it constantly by sleep depriving myself. Yeah.
46:47
And I bring my best game because of it. You know
46:49
what I stopped doing to watch this movie? I stopped
46:52
playing Resident Evil, which is an amazing game.
46:54
I was really enjoying my session of playing Resident
46:56
Evil to watch this film. I would have rather
46:57
played Resident Evil. No, I never stopped like
46:59
cruising Reddit. During this movie, you could
47:01
have still played it. No, it's the same TV. I
47:03
have the one TV. I'd like to say the stashes,
47:05
the stashes fully, fully going off the left side
47:10
here. Yeah, it's saturated. It's the left side.
47:14
Once it's drooping. Yeah, I know. It's crazy
47:18
because when I saturate my mustache, it gets
47:21
longer. Oh, it's smart. Yeah, that's a good way
47:23
to deal. I have a comb over. It's a mustache.
47:28
I do want to bring back this week in cage real
47:30
quick. Cause there's, there's been a development
47:33
that I learned about. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. From
47:38
IMDb. This isn't new news. I was just shocked
47:42
to see that at some point between us starting
47:46
this and the announcement that Nick Cage is thinking
47:50
of doing a sequel to Lord of War that they actually
47:53
filmed Lords of War. Yeah, apparently it's in
47:56
post -production. Yeah, it's a real movie. Yeah.
47:58
No, there are photos on IMDb. Sean, confirming
48:03
they can read, told us that they were on IMDb.
48:07
And it says post -production. Post -production.
48:10
I sent you a photo of it. There's also photos
48:13
of Nick Cage on set. So apparently it happened
48:15
when we were working. Because we were busy watching
48:18
this. Grand Isle. It happened in 90 minutes.
48:22
Expect the worst. It's got a Skarsgård in it,
48:26
though, so, you know, that's something. Oh, speaking
48:29
of Skarsgård. Hold up, back up. Now we got to
48:31
talk about Wicker. Yeah, we got to talk about
48:33
Wicker. Oh, my God, Wicker. Wicker since tonight.
48:36
Yes, you've seen the trailer for Wicker? Yeah.
48:38
So good. Wait, is it out now? Do you want to
48:42
see Olivia Colman get plowed? What I've seen.
48:45
Yeah, I think it got like a Europe. pn release
48:49
first and like it hasn't come come out out or
48:53
whatever yeah so it looks fucking awesome it's
48:55
out there watch the trailer yeah i think we're
48:58
gonna do a wicker marathon yeah me and the australians
49:00
amazing yeah wicker marathon being watching the
49:03
wicker man and then wicker and then wicker yeah
49:05
yeah wait wicker man wicker man wicker right
49:09
yeah right okay i got you and then sitting in
49:13
wicker chairs right yeah all right justin final
49:16
thoughts last words Ooh, that was a movie. Good.
49:24
Nailed it. No, it was fun. It was fun. It was
49:27
a fun, fun movie. Nick Cage. Could have used
49:30
a Bobo. Bad facial hair. Drunk for most of it.
49:33
Could have used a Bobo. Yeah. But he does nothing.
49:36
It's, it's, it is a nothing burger of a movie,
49:38
but it really is. In other. You know, this week
49:42
in Cage News, there was like this Netflix movie
49:44
that got stolen or some shit. Did you see that?
49:46
That also had Ron Perlman in it, speaking of
49:49
Bobos. Oh, really? Yeah. Okay, I didn't know
49:50
that. Yeah, it was an unreleased Nicolas Cage
49:54
film. And what, the studio is suing Netflix for
49:59
$105 million? Gave them the hard drives and the
50:02
hard drives got stolen. Oh my God, how fucking
50:05
cool would it be? to see a nicholas cage movie
50:09
that nobody else gets to see it's like showing
50:12
at the beacon november 7th yeah that wouldn't
50:15
get us in trouble but it'd be like uh fucking
50:17
what's his ass who owns like the wu -tang album
50:23
right it's just one copy of the only one yeah
50:26
and it's like that would be so cool that would
50:31
be tight for us to have yeah we've got like a
50:33
dollar fifty We're coming up. We're coming for
50:37
you. Stolen Nicolas Cage film. Daryl, if you
50:42
have that movie, give it to us. All right. So
50:46
next up, we've got The Flash, where we have Nick
50:48
Cage only in CGI doing nothing. Mm hmm. He fights
50:52
a giant spider. Oh, no, I don't want to give
50:54
it up. Oh, yeah. All right. We'll get there.
50:56
You can bleep that out. Sure. I don't want to
50:59
ruin the whole next episode right now. I'll wait
51:04
until next episode to ruin it. I can't wait to
51:06
watch that movie. It's going to be great. But
51:09
yeah, if you want to help us buy that stolen
51:11
Netflix movie, you can support us on Patreon.
51:14
Special thanks to our Sparkle Buddies, Josh,
51:16
Josie, Matt, Adam, Bill, Stuart and Willow and
51:18
our Caged Dancers, John, Freeman, Nathan and
51:21
Cameron. And of course, to Bill Panks for our
51:23
intro music. We are very happy to have anyone
51:27
listen to any of these episodes. These are rough.
51:32
Oh, but the music makes it better. Yeah, that's
51:36
true. Yeah. Thanks, Bill. Bill Panks, specifically.
51:39
Yeah. Not our other friend Bill. No other Bills
51:43
in particular. That's all. Thanks for being here,
51:46
Justin. Thanks for having me, guys. Yeah, appreciate
51:47
you. Thanks, Justin. Thanks for the mustache.
51:57
Bye -bye. You know, I want to say... Stop. I
52:06
love my girlfriend. And I feel bad for saying
52:09
that she was a liar and a woman. Well, good.
52:15
I'm glad you got that out of your system. Way
52:16
to cover your ass, buddy. Yeah, you fucking killed
52:18
that. It would have been great if you had peeled
52:20
the mustache off and then said it. Yeah. I need
52:23
to come clean. That was other Nick. I'm a liar
52:27
and a woman. Oh, man. I hate this thing so much.