Latest / The Karen Kenney Show / RIDING THE WAVES

Transcript

RIDING THE WAVES · The Karen Kenney Show

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Hey you guys, welcome to the Karen Kenney show. I hope you're
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having a fantastic day. It looks like it's going to be,
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hopefully, another warm and sunny suck out today. So
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yesterday, I was just going to dive right in little
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storytelling. So yesterday, I went to the beach with my
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sister. And while I was there, I got there a little bit earlier.
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I wanted to just get easy pack and get a good spot on the
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beach, you know, set up my stuff or whatever. And while I was at
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the beach, I was thinking, you know, like a lot of things, this
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show is inspired by like life, you know, just like day to day
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life and stories and things that happen in day to day life. And
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really it's this like combination of spirituality and
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storytelling. You know, me being both a writer and a storyteller,
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and, you know, a speaker, but also being a spiritual mentor,
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etc, etc. I kind of look at the world through this curiosity
1:00
lens, right? So I'm always just kind of paying attention. And
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occurred to me yesterday, when I was at the beach, how much of
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like being at the beach is like, oh, there's a lot of elements of
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the beach that are like metaphors for life. And one of
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the first things I noticed, and we're going to get into this, so
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the title of this episode is called, like, riding the waves,
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riding the waves, and we're going to get there, but stay
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with me. Buckle up. Buckle up for safety. Come on the ride
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with me. Let's get in the water together. Okay, so first one of
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the things I noticed is just how different people prepare. So
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remember, everything in this is the conversation today is like a
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metaphor, like the beach is like life. Okay, so all the ways that
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different people prepare so you have people who are like, coming
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down the beach, who are like, they've got everything. I mean,
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they've even got like, little trolleys,
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little wagons. Oh,
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my God, I saw so many people hauling, hauling so much gear. I
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mean, they have, like, you know, they have the tents, they have
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the umbrellas, they've got, like, the chairs and the coolers
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and the toys and the cribs and like, oh my god, eight different
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kinds of Sun loves. Your rights. So you have the people who are,
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like, hyper prepared, like wicked prepared. And I was
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howling laughing, because so many people, like, rolled by us
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with their caravan of goods, you know. And I was like, Oh my God,
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are they gonna set up a tent and start selling their wares?
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There's like, so much stuff here, but of course, there's
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like three kids in tow, and the mother, the mother in law, the
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grand like, it's a whole family. It's a whole ordeal, right? And
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then there's some other guy, oh, my God. The difference is,
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humans are so fascinating to me. Then there's another guy, he's
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barely got, like, a bath sized towel just thrown in the sand.
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And he's got like, a maggot basket, like plastic bag, and
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it's got, like, some Doritos, like, I don't even know if
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there's, like, any water beverage in sight to wash them
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down. And he's like, kind of haphazardly, like, slathered
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with like, white, you know, suntan lotion. But it's not in
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all the places, just like, in some of the places, and half his
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body's in the sand, just like, Oh my god. This is a guy that
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just, like, rolls out. He said, I'm just going to the beach,
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man, I'm just gonna, like, throw my towel down. And he's just
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like, there. And it's so fascinating how some people
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like, over prepare, some people under prepare. I think I'm kind
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of in the middle, right? Like I want to be comfortable, so I
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have a few towels, I got a chair, I got my snacks, I got my
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book, you know? I got some suntan lotion so I don't burn my
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ass to a crisp. But it's just, like, fascinating watching how
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people like prepare for the beach, aka, also, in some ways,
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prepare for life. I also notice how everybody has a different
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approach to the beach, right? Like, some people like to be
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really close to the water. Some people like, get me, keep me
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closer to the bathrooms. Some people are napping the whole
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time. Some people are reading the whole time. Some people get
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up and go for long walks. Some people talk on their phones and
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inappropriately loud voices for long periods of time. You know,
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it's just like, amazing, like, they're just not aware of their
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surroundings. And some people are very thoughtful, right? They
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keep their stuff neat. I even saw a couple in front of us who
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they must I assume, you know, I can imagine that they probably
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have a place at the beach that they're there a lot, because
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there are the people who tend to come early, and then they stay
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for a few hours, and then they get out, and I'm like, Oh, these
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are just, these are people who who, like, do the beach a lot,
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like, they get this, but somebody had left trash, like,
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around them, behind them, like, where they had set up. It wasn't
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their trash. Um. And he thoughtfully, when he got up, he
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picked it up, even though it wasn't his, and he didn't make
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the mess. And I just really noticed that as well, right? So
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all of this is, like, really fascinating. And here's the
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thing, like a little a little aside for a second, if you just
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pay attention in your life, if you just choose to go through
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life with a little bit more curiosity, and like paying
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attention to your fellow man, like you'll see these patterns
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of things all over the place. I mean, this is the kind of like
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what I do for a living. But I think it's like, it's not that I
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do these things, because I do them for a living. I think I do
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do this for a living, because that's who I really am, like me
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being curious and me paying attention and me like noticing
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things. That's just like my nature, you know what I mean?
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And it's come in really handy. Let me say this. Part of it is
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nature. Part of it is nurture. Some of it was created because
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of my childhood environment, like my hyper awareness. You
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know, that's like a survival mechanism. But I've also used my
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my trauma. I always say the things that were my trauma, in a
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lot of ways. I've spun them into gold, right? I've used them.
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I've used them to be helpful for myself and hopefully other
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people. Hence this podcast, okay, but the other thing I
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started to notice is how much the water, right? The ocean is
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also like life. And one of the things that I noticed because,
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you know, when we go to the beach, almost inevitably, like
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when we were kids, there was kind of like this unwritten rule
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by my stepfather, like, if you go to the beach, your ass gets
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in the water. It doesn't matter how cold it is, doesn't matter
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if you don't want to go in, if he drove you all the way to the
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beach, if you go to the beach, you get in the water, right? So
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it's like, okay. And so, I mean, as an adult now I have a choice,
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right? It's one of the beautiful things about being an adult. And
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a lot of this episode is also about that, like, our ability to
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choose, like, how we're going to respond and react, right? So I
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went to the beach, and if it's freezing, I'm an adult, you're
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not going to force me to go in. I don't live by this, this code
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that was, you know, pushed on me as a child. But today I was with
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my sister, and we always have fun. So I was like, alright,
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like in the water. So I'm like, Alright, I'm going to get in. So
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we got in the water. Well, I'm standing now. I noticed that,
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like, the waves just keep coming. The waves, like life,
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they just keep coming. They are not interested in our opinion.
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They are not interested in our preferences. They don't care.
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Like the ocean, like life, is not asking us, like, Do you want
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a more gentle or calm surf? Do you wish that the water was
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warmer? Do you wish that there was less seaweed and like no
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jellyfish, like no that is not happening. Waves like life, are
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just coming at us. It is just coming at us. And then we have
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to decide, right? We have to decide. Waves are like, Hey, we
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are just happening. This is how it is. There's no controlling it
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or changing it. This is how it is. But you dia person in the
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water, you get to decide or not in the water, you get to decide
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how you want to respond. How you respond is up to you. So my
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sister and I are out in the water, and you know how it is
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you first get in the Atlantic Ocean, and you're like, Jesus
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Christ is like freezing. And then either you start to go a
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little numb so you don't notice, or you acclimate and you're
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like, Okay, this is fine. I'm in here, so we're out there, and
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we're bopping around in the waves, like we're having, like,
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fun and stuff. And one of the things that naturally happen is
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when the waves keep coming in, like, you gotta get a plan.
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Like, you've gotta either come up with a plan or you are gonna
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sort of like, pay the price. So we kind of started playing this
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game when as a wave was coming in, based on the size, and it's
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distance to us, like, where we were in the water, we would look
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at each other, and one of us would either yell over, like,
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you gotta go over it. Like, bob up and like, go over it right?
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Or under like, because we're like, there's no way if we just
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stay standing here, we're gonna get slammed. And then you would,
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like, dive under the wave, right? Or you would go, you
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would just go. We would go, oh shit, because we knew that our
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plan had fallen apart.
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And sometimes, sometimes even our best plan, like, just got us
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knocked on our ass. And we would, like, come up from
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underwater with, like, a hair plastered all over our face and
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maybe one of your boobs practically popping out of your
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bathing suit. But we would be cracking up laughing as we
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bobbed up after this, up up to the surface, right? So we'd get
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knocked on our ass. So it was like, over, under or like, just
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knowing, like, oh shit, we're gonna get knocked on our ass.
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But here's the thing, you get knocked on your ass, and then
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hopefully, like, you find your way back up to the surface.
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Okay? But my point is this, we had, we had a choice of how we
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wanted to respond to what was coming at us. And this is just
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like life, right? Like stuff is going to come at us. It's not
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going to ask our permission. It doesn't care whether we want it
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or to happen or not, the death, the disease, the divorce, the
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diagnosis, the disappointment, all the different things that.
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Happen in this human experience. They're just going to happen
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because life is lifeing. People are peopling, and that's just
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how it is. But we always have a choice how we want to respond,
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and we have some tools that we can collect along the way that
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become very helpful, and we're going to get there. So I
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realized, Okay, we have a choice of how we want to respond to
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like, what's coming at us. We also have a choice as to whether
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or not we are just going to try to play it completely safe and
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like, never get in the water, just never get in. We're just
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going to stand on the sand and we're never actually going to
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get our feet wet. And as I was standing there yesterday,
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something occurred to me, and I turned to my sister, and I said,
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Hey, I don't think I ever saw Auntie so and so, like, get in
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the water. Like, did you ever see her? Like, really, like, get
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in the ocean. Because my recollection is, is that she
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always just stood on the shore. She never actually got in. She
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wouldn't go in, like, deeper than, like, ankles, like she
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would just stay on the shore, like she didn't play in the
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water, she didn't like, she just didn't get in and have fun and,
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like, ride the waves, you know what I'm saying. And when I was
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thinking about this, this kind of, like, riding the waves, I
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was like, it obviously. And like, basically, you're also
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getting a peek into how my brain works, right? Like how these
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episodes kind of come together. Because while I'm standing there
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thinking about, you know, one of my aunties who I'm like, I don't
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have any vision of her ever being in the water with us,
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playing, riding the waves, goofing around, whatever. And
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this riding the waves concept is a spiritual concept, which is so
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fantastic, which Hello. Here is the here is the episode and what
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I want to share with you. And thank you for if you're still
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listening, if you can still hear the sound of my voice, thank you
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for coming along and not bailing when you're like, she's just
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telling stories like, get to the point. So here we are. This idea
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of riding the waves. The first time I heard of this concept was
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when I went to Kripalu. So Kripalu is one of the largest
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spiritual centers and yoga centers in the United States.
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It's out in the west. It's out in Western Massachusetts and the
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Berkshires, okay? And I lived at Kripalu for over a month when I
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went to do my ytt, my yoga teacher training there back in
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2001 so a wicked long time ago, right? And I heard this concept
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when I was living there and riding the waves was one of the
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answers, right? So, like, we would have, like, our daily
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like, get up at 530 go do yoga at six. Blah, blah, blah, we
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would have these things. And then during the actual training,
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during the ytt and doing a yoga class first thing in the
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morning, and again, in the afternoon, it was part of the
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training. It's like immersing yourself in the experience, in
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the practice of yoga, because your whole life is technically
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your practice, right? I'm always like, yoga is always showing you
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you, and that's a story for another day. So this question
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the answer, this was an answer to the question about, and
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here's the question like, how can we suffer less when life is
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coming at us, when we are faced with these life situations,
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right? How can we suffer less less when we're faced with tough
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questions in tough situations, right? How do we suffer less
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when we are faced with tough situations, especially ones that
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we didn't choose? Right? Life is lifeing. The waves are coming at
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us. It's just happening. And the thing is, is that tough
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situations, you know, can be any time when things get hot, like
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just think about it, when losses happen, when we feel overwhelmed
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or anxious, when we don't have enough money to pay the bills
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you have a kid who's sick, shit doesn't go as planned. Things
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don't go how you wish they would hope you would want them to. And
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whether that's in a relationship, whether that's
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with your family, whether that's at work or in your business,
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like whatever, in these moments when we wish that things were
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different, when we find ourselves saying things to
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ourselves, like, if only fill in the book, if only such and such
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had happened, if only they hadn't done X, Y and Z, if only
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I had chosen to do this, if only you know right? We know that
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feeling those tough situations that we find ourselves in, but
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one of the things that yoga taught me early on and continues
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to teach me and continues to reinforce in my in my
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knucklehead brain, is that we cannot control reality like we,
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meaning we cannot control life. We can't We can't control life
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anymore, that we can stop the waves, stop the ocean from
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having tides, and stop the ocean from having waves, right? Like
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we, the sea is doing what the sea does, and life is doing what
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life does. And Peace. People are doing what people do a lot of
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times, to us chagrin. A lot of times, it's not what we prefer
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or want, right? But yoga keeps reminding me again and again and
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again. You know, we do not get to control everything, which is
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a really annoying reminder when you're kind of a control freak.
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You know what I'm saying, when you kind of like to control
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things a little bit. But one of the things I've realized about
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myself and about control in general, when I think back to
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that younger part of me that just really tried to control
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everything, you know, my desire to control is really just a
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symptom of it's a symptom, but it was also an ego solution to
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fear. So my desire to control everything was a response to
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fear, right? And the response was, I'm going to try to control
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everything, because if I can just get this to look a certain
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way or feel a certain way or be a certain way, then I can relax,
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then I can feel safe. My nervous system can take a breath and be
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like, Okay, we're safe. I just have to control everything and
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make everything familiar and control the environment and the
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people around me. And first of all, it's exhausting, right?
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Even just hearing that those of you who who need to control, or
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like to control, double A men hands, if you can relate, if any
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point, you've been a little controlling. Because when you
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really get honest with ourselves, though, you know
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there's two emotions, of course, in miracles teach us, there's
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love of this fear and so much right? So much of how we are
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responding and reacting to life, it's from that place of fear.
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And I would say more so reacting to life. I always say like I
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react out of fear, but I respond from a place of love. And it's
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often people who are anxious or afraid or insecure who are
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trying to control everything and again, double A man hands, if
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you can relate to that and like, let's just be honest, don't we
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all, don't we all, at some point experience those feelings of
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fear or anxiety or worry or trying to, like, manipulate a
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thing because you want it to be a particular way, because then
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you'll feel safer in your nervous system and in your body
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and inside of you right at some point in our life, we have all
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experienced this. And if you haven't like, you're like a
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unicorn, I guess so, like, lucky you. But I can say, for myself
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and for many people that I know and that I have worked with, we
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all experience those feelings at some point,
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but just like, this is the good news. Now we're getting down
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into it, just like we have useful tools that we use in the
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ocean right to stay safe and to survive, we also have tools in
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life, and we're going to get to that. But here, just because I
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just feel like, like, here are some important things to know,
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especially during the summer and if you're going to go in the
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sea. One See, these are some of the things that I've been taught
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and that I have practiced that have been very helpful. Number
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one, do not turn your back on the sea. Like I do not. I tend
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to, like, go backwards, like I walk backwards so I can see the
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ocean usually as I'm walking out of the ocean, till I can get a
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point where I'm like, Okay, now I'm at ankle depth and I'm safe
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to, like, turn around. I'm not going to get surprised and
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knocked on my ass by something, right? Because I like to know
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what's coming at me. I like to face things. I like to see
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what's happening and what's going on. So don't turn your
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back on the sea, because that's a lot of times when a wave comes
18:15
out of nowhere and knocks you on your ass. Number two, orient
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yourself to the land. Orient yourself to the land. And so for
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me, this is about like, orienting myself to the people,
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the places, the practices, the things that ground me, like,
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where home is, where safety lies, like, orient yourself
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right? That's one of the things that happens when you get
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knocked on your ass. You get discombobulated. You're a little
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like, confused and like, you don't know where the shore is,
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right, so, like, orient yourself to the land when you get sucked
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out, when you feel yourself getting sucked out, this is,
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again, physically and Hello, metaphorically, when you feel
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yourself getting sucked out. Or or Undertow, when you're pulled
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into that undertow. Sometimes the undertow is an addiction, a
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habit. You know, sometimes it's literally the water, the ocean,
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but sometimes it's like an addiction. It's a habit, it's a
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pattern, it's a way of being. It's a relationship or a group
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of people that are no longer good for you, and you're getting
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pulled into their drama and their trauma and their bullshit,
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right? Swim parallel to the shore, especially if you're in
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the ocean, right? And this is how people drown, right? The
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Undertow is very strong, and it's pulling you backwards. And
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you keep fighting and fighting, and you're trying to swim in the
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current, you're trying to swim forward. You're trying to stay
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in that same place. When you swim parallel to the shore, you
19:35
you literally right. Just need to get a few feet away from, a
19:39
few feet out of that Undertow, and you swim parallel to the
19:42
shore, and that pulls you out of the undertow, because a lot of
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people get sucked into that current, and it is very, very,
19:48
very strong, and that's how people drowned, is they get
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fatigued, and they can't fight anymore, and they can't swim,
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and they go under and they drown. And this can happen off.
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This can happen. Happen in life as well, right? The pull of the
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thing, the addiction, the drug, the people, the porn, the
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whatever, the gambling, the look, right? It's too much. The
20:11
overwhelming feeling of the emotions are too much. We swim
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parallel to shore. We get a little distance. We get out of
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the undertow. We just need a little bit more. Just get out of
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the undertro toe and swim parallel to shore and get a
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different perspective. Because the mind, the mind and the
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choices and the decisions that got you in that Undertow, they
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are not going to be the I always say to my people, like your best
20:36
thinking got you here, so we gotta try something else. And
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are you willing? Are you willing to come at something from a
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different POV, a different point of view, and just get a little
20:44
perspective, get out of that and swim parallel. Okay, another
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thing you can do is call for help. If you know you're in
20:50
trouble, call for help. Another thing, if you get wicked
20:53
fatigued, try to float. Try to float. Sometimes it's not about
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doing more. Sometimes it's about resting. Sometimes it's not
21:04
about fighting. Sometimes it's about floating right. Let
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allowing yourself to be buoyant, allowing yourself to be held,
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allowing yourself to have a rest or just a little break, so you
21:16
can gather more strength if you need it. Here's the other thing.
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Now we're getting to the hot beat of this. You can also relax
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and do your best to ride the waves. Ride the waves. Ride the
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waves, literally of the ocean back to shore, but also
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metaphysically, metaphorically, spiritually, we learn how to
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ride the waves and in life, when I talk about like ride the wave
21:45
back to shore, it's kind of like the shore is like coming back
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home to who you truly are, which is love, which is that eternal
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thing that is unchanging, right? Which is you are love, no matter
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what happens, no matter what you do, underneath all of the
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nonsense and the shenanigans and the traumas and the dramas.
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There's a part of you that is unchanged. There is a part of
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you that is not touched by the things of this world. There is a
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part of you which is really to me. It's the whole pot, the holy
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pot, the true pot, the self, the true self, which is love, so
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beyond the big sensations and feelings beyond all the ever
22:23
changing emotions, there is the eternal self, which is love. And
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when we come back to the shore, when we remember that, when we
22:32
are reminded of who we truly are, when we have people in our
22:35
life who reflect it back to us, and we remember, oh, yeah, I can
22:40
come back home. I can come back to shore at any time, any time,
22:45
any time. So this riding the waves is a literal concept. It
22:52
is a literal concept. And again, first time I heard it was when I
22:55
was at Kripalu. So at Kripalu, we have a tool that we, and I've
23:01
did a whole show on this I know I've talked about birth wa on
23:05
the show before, but like, repetition is the mother of all
23:08
learning. I'm not telling it to you because I think you're
23:11
stupid. I'm not saying it again because I don't think you got it
23:14
the first time. But for me, and I've been in this game for a
23:17
long time, but even for me, reminding myself, oh yeah,
23:21
birth. Wa right. Riding the waves of sensations of the
23:26
emotions. This is how we come back to ourselves. This is how
23:30
we come back to love. This is how we come back to sanity, to
23:32
our right mind, to to our true source, to our self, to love.
23:39
This is how we remember that we're not this body being tossed
23:42
around by the waves of life that Oh yeah, I'm spirit. Okay, so
23:47
with birth, WAF war stands for, breathe, relax, feel, watch,
23:52
allow, right? And we'll get into that in a second. So when we
23:57
allow ourselves to find ourselves, when we find
24:00
ourselves in a tough situation, when we find ourselves in a
24:03
suffering place. Here's some things that we can do. Number
24:07
one, and we're again, I'm going to break down burfa. We're going
24:09
to simply be in the present moment, right? Do our best to
24:12
simply be in the present moment. And Remember how I talked about
24:15
floating. Just soften your grip, not clench fists. I'm like
24:19
clenching my fist, making mocks with my fingernails in my palms.
24:22
Not this. It's this. It's like, open palms, open soft grip, open
24:29
and receptive, right? Let go of expectations. Let go of
24:34
expectations, of of how you want it to be, how you like like.
24:39
Don't try to force the outcome. No controlling right let go of
24:43
expectations, or at least be willing to let go of
24:46
expectations. When you cannot let go of an old story or an
24:50
expectation or a strong feeling, this is when prayer is really,
24:54
really helpful, and you just say something simply like, Please
24:58
help me. Please help me. I. Want to let this go. I don't know how
25:02
please help, right? Just please help. You don't even have to get
25:06
all fancy and religiously like you don't have to be all like
25:09
Dear God, dear Lord, dear sometimes you just say, you
25:13
know, please help. I'm willing to do this, or help me to be
25:16
willing to do this. Okay? Number four, just begin to open up your
25:20
heart and your mind, and to shift out right, to shift out
25:24
your perspective. Just be willing to be open that there
25:28
might be a better way. There might be a different way.
25:30
Because the thing is, is like when we stop fighting, you know,
25:34
when that current is pulling us, when we stop fighting, when we
25:38
allow ourselves to feel, and that's usually what we're
25:41
resisting in life, is we are resisting feeling our feelings.
25:46
We are resisting facing that this thing is happening, right?
25:50
We want it to be different. So much of our suffering comes from
25:54
the struggle of wanting things to be different than they are.
25:58
Wanting things to feel different than they are when we allow
26:01
ourselves to just feel whatever it is we're feeling within any
26:05
given experience that can help us to kind of find that
26:09
equanimity, that buoyancy right whatever life is throwing at us.
26:14
So if we can find from that foundation, place of shifting
26:19
out of resistance and fighting and that fear and that
26:22
controlling and we can kind of just change our awareness,
26:26
change our willingness to shift out of our feelings of
26:29
struggling to acceptance, which is like the waves are coming at
26:34
us. Life is life, and people are peopling like this is happening,
26:38
and if I stay too attached to the outcome and how I want it to
26:41
be, and how I need it to be in order for me to be happy or safe
26:44
or whatever we're going to get in trouble. So birth, what is a
26:49
mindfulness a mindfulness technique, right? Again,
26:52
Kripalu, yoga is it taught me, and this is how we learn to ride
26:57
the waves of life's challenges. Ride the waves of like whatever
27:01
is happening in our lives. Okay. Again. It stands for Breathe,
27:07
relax, feel, watch, allow.
27:12
So let's say you feel anxious or uncertain about a situation that
27:17
you're facing. Just try this technique. Just try it, excuse
27:22
me and see what happens. I always say to people like, I've
27:27
gathered a ton of tools. I've gathered a bunch of things to
27:31
help myself, first and foremost, like I had to go first, because
27:35
I was drowning in the sea of life. Life was coming at me hot
27:39
and heavy for many, many, many years there, and I needed some
27:43
help, so I gathered some tools, and now I like to share them
27:49
with others. And not every tool is going to feel like a home run
27:52
to everybody. Not every tool is going to be like, this is the
27:55
one, right? So I like to have a lot of different ways in and a
27:57
lot of different approaches. But one of the things I use all the
28:01
time, and I teach in my yoga classes as well, is birth wa
28:04
Okay, so you start to be a little anxious, you start to
28:06
feel a little uncertain. You get some fear coming up. You get you
28:09
notice yourself, right? Getting a little kooky monkeys upstairs.
28:13
When you leave, you start to leave your right mind. That's
28:16
the first thing. Like, if you can even notice, like, oh my
28:18
god, I'm feeling really tense. Oh, I'm feeling anxious. I'm
28:20
feeling this. I'm about to make this decision. I'm about to do
28:23
this thing. We want to make choices from a place of love,
28:26
like, from a little bit like, get out of that fight and
28:28
flight, get out of that fear response. And how can I drop
28:31
into the parasympathetic nervous system response, that place
28:35
where I can now have access to my curious and creative mind so
28:39
I can make better choices? Right? So number one is we want
28:42
to breathe. We already know nice, full, deep inhale through
28:47
the nose, if you can twice as long extended exhale through the
28:52
mouth, even with a little bit of sound, can add help with vagal
28:56
tone, right for the vagus nerve. But if we just breathe, ground
29:02
yourself in the present moment. Notice the quality of your
29:07
breath. Notice the quality of your inhalations right through
29:11
the nose, if you can, and those twice as long exhalations out
29:15
through the mouth, if you can, when we connect to our breath, I
29:19
mean, it does a ton of things. For the nervous system, slows
29:22
down the heart rate, gets us into parasympathetic the
29:25
relaxation response, right? It does a ton of stuff, but it also
29:29
helps us to find some equanimity. It helps us to find
29:32
a little balance. And it's from that place that we can tap into
29:36
our curiosity, our resiliency, our inner strength, our inner
29:40
wisdom, right? So, number one, again, breathe. Okay. Number
29:46
two,
29:47
relax. Relax.
29:51
When we relax. And I want you to think about this, right? This is
29:55
the how we start to create a little more space inside of us.
30:00
We shift out of, like, this foveal vision of, like, being
30:03
hyper focused, because, like, that's what we do when we're in
30:06
fear. I gotta be hyper focused and vigilant about, like, what
30:09
when we shift out into peripheral vision, it's like,
30:14
and the nervous system calms and the nervous system relaxes. And
30:17
when we do that, we create space within ourselves, and we can
30:21
release, release any tension, release any any unnecessary like
30:26
gripping or forcing or fighting, if we can learn to just soften
30:32
our muscles a little progressive relaxation, relax your jaw, drop
30:37
your shoulders, soften your belly, right like, let your
30:42
eyes, like, get a little bit their their vision, like,
30:45
softer. Like, you know, when you're kind of looking at a
30:48
puppy or a baby and you're like, Oh baby, oh sunset, like,
30:52
whatever the thing is, right? Notice how, when we physically
30:56
relax our muscles, deepen our breath, how that also affects
31:01
your your mental experience as well, the the mental chatter,
31:05
the mental activity of your mind. Okay, we've got breathe.
31:09
We got relaxed, then we have feel this is when we this is the
31:13
one that most people struggle with right here. We don't like
31:16
to feel the hard feelings. We don't like to feel the anxiety
31:19
or the panic attack. We don't like to feel the discomfort, we
31:21
don't like to feel the anger. We don't like to feel the hurt,
31:24
right? It's like, but if we can bring our awareness to the
31:28
actual details of the physical sensations that are coming up in
31:32
the body, right, notice the details of the sensations like,
31:36
Oh, I feel hot, oh, I feel cold, Oh, it feels like I'm shaking. I
31:41
feel like I'm gripping. I feel a knot in my stomach. I feel
31:44
butterflies. I feel like a tightness in my throat. I feel
31:48
like I'm clenching my jaw right? Bring awareness to the details
31:53
of the sensations, to the details of the thoughts, the
31:57
emotions, right, the mental like, the feelings and to your
32:01
memories, and then whatever comes up. Try to meet it with
32:07
curiosity. Try to meet it with compassion. Try to meet it with
32:13
an open heart. Try to meet it with an open mind. Instead of
32:18
rushing in without judgments. I shouldn't be feeling this. This
32:23
feeling is bad. This anxiety is bad. This needs to stop. This is
32:28
whatever. Simply be with the sensations of the feelings.
32:33
Don't fight it, don't force it, don't try to kill it, don't try
32:37
to push it. Simply do your best to be with it. This is the
32:42
feeling pot, whatever arises, curiosity, compassion and an
32:47
open heart. Remember, this is a mindfulness technique. Okay,
32:52
then the next one is watching what I also sometimes call
32:55
witnessing. Okay, this is when, like Swami Kripalu, right? The
32:59
word Kripalu actually means compassion. Swami Kripalu Bapuji
33:03
has said, right, the highest form of spiritual physical, the
33:07
highest form, the highest form of spiritual practice is self
33:12
observation, without judgment. So when we watch, we want to
33:19
develop a non judgmental witness, a non shaming witness,
33:25
like a non judgmental awareness, like, be aware, right? Just
33:30
create non judgment around whatever is happening. Observe,
33:35
simply observe yourself. Observe your feelings. Observe like you
33:40
know how you usually tend to want to react to a thing.
33:44
Observe the situation as it's unfolding. And notice, right? My
33:48
yoga, my yoga students know I always say, notice what you
33:51
notice. Notice what comes up. NOTICE come what comes up as
33:57
you're fully engaging with your feelings, with your breath. As
34:01
you're relaxing, notice what is going on inside of you. So many
34:06
people, they just run from it. And I always say, like, we have
34:10
to bear witness. We have to bear witness to ourselves, to those
34:14
younger parts of ourselves that maybe are being triggered, or
34:18
they're afraid, or they're scared, right? Like, stay with
34:21
yourself. Don't abandon yourself, be fully with
34:24
yourself. And then allow. This is the big one, like, allow. So
34:30
how do we allow? A lot of times we use this word, like, let go,
34:34
right? Like, let go of your desire for things to be a
34:37
certain way. Let go of the outcome. Let go. Let go. Let go.
34:40
If people knew how to fucking let go, they would do it right.
34:43
But it's hard. It's hard psychologically for people to
34:46
let go. So instead, sometimes I'll say, like in this allowing,
34:52
how about you choose not to hold on to it anymore. Mm. Right? How
35:02
about deciding to not hold on? Just don't hold on anymore.
35:08
Don't insist. I always say to people, don't insist on keeping
35:11
these patterns, these habits, these beliefs, these stories,
35:15
don't insist on holding on to them anymore. And this is that
35:19
willingness, right, surrender into the process. Do your best
35:24
to let go, to allow to surrender, to not insisting on
35:29
holding on to these old things that, that, that that cause your
35:33
suffering. Okay, allow the outcome whatever it's going to
35:38
be. Allow it to be there without expectations. Allow things to
35:42
arise without your expectations. Birth WA is a powerful practice,
35:48
and it's riding the wave, because when stuff goes down,
35:52
there's going to be a big wave of sensation, whether that's
35:57
fear, anger, anxiety, that desire to control, like that
36:02
desire to fight or flight or run or freeze or flop or whatever,
36:06
right to fawn, all the trauma responses. There's a big wave of
36:10
sensation that comes up in the body and comes up in the mind,
36:13
and these emotions and the physical sensations. And if we
36:16
can just hang out there, if we can just breathe into whatever
36:19
is coming up that wave that is coming up, ride that sucker
36:23
right back into the shore. Don't try to, like, I always say, so
36:27
like in the ocean, we're like, trying to go over it, go under
36:31
it, get knocked on our ass. What if we just, like, rode the wave,
36:36
road the wave back into the safety of the shore. Be the love
36:41
that you are, right? The big sensation is going to come meet
36:46
it with the breath right. Relax into it. Get curious, feel it,
36:51
watch it and witness it unshamingly. Be kind, be
36:54
compassionate, and then allow yourself to return. Allow
36:58
yourself to have no expectations. Allow yourself to
37:01
be surprised. Allow yourself to be curious. Moving through the
37:06
world with non judgment, it's hard because the ego judges like
37:10
a mother, doesn't it? The ego just, I mean, it's its main gig
37:16
is to keep you separate and sick and special and suffering, you
37:19
know? And this is when spirit gets a say. Spirit gets to come
37:23
in those two emotions, love and fear. It's like saying there's
37:27
two teachers, there's the ego and there's spirit slash Holy
37:30
Spirit, right? Like the in a teacher, that's the voice of
37:33
love. That's what we want to be riding to the shore. And burfa
37:38
is just one of the tools that we can use to do it.
37:42
So I hope, I hope
37:45
this day finds you just riding the waves, man, riding the
37:49
waves, not getting knocked in your ass, right? Not like
37:53
freaking out, but hopefully you're going to get in the
37:56
water, you're going to get into your life. You're going to be
37:58
present. You're going to get a little wet. You're going to
38:01
play. You're going to have some fun. Yes, you are going to get
38:03
knocked on your ass, because that is life. Life is lifeing.
38:06
The waves are coming in, right? People are peopling. But we have
38:10
so many tools, you guys. And remember, one of them is call
38:14
for help. And this is when, again, right? There's a there's
38:18
so many people out there, and sometimes your help is unpaid.
38:22
It's a friend, it's a family member, right? It's your priest,
38:27
although I would say if you're tithing, you are in some ways,
38:29
paying. But then there's also coaches and mentors. There's
38:35
people like me, there's communities like the nest,
38:38
there's like yoga classes you can go to right? There's lots of
38:41
ways to find help, so use that too if you need to, and you can
38:47
always find me in the ways that I help at Karen Kenney, k, e, n,
38:51
n, e, y, right? Karen kenney.com, there's a work with
38:55
me page. There's a page on the quest one to one mentoring.
38:58
There's a page on my yoga classes. There's a page on hot
39:01
to hot days. Hot to hot days are like we we like. They're like
39:05
chunks of time throughout the day, like a half day or a few
39:08
hours where we talk over Voxer. It's a voice messaging app, and
39:14
it's like having a walkie talkie. And we do spiritual
39:16
mentoring. We do some coaching. Uh, hot to hot days are a blast.
39:20
I love them. If you're curious about them, just go to just go
39:22
to Karen kenney.com/work with me. You'll see the button right
39:26
at the top, and you can learn all about them. Okay, you guys,
39:29
thank you so much for staying with me, for riding this wave of
39:32
this episode. I've loved sharing this time with you. I hope it
39:35
was helpful and beneficial in some way, and if it was, please
39:38
share it with somebody, right? Somebody who you think could
39:40
benefit from it? Um, wherever you go, wherever you go, out
39:45
there, today, tomorrow, tonight, whatever may you leave, the
39:49
people, the animals, yourself, the environment, the planet,
39:54
better than how you first found it. Wherever you go, may you and
39:58
your energy and your presence and. Your love and you know, be
40:02
a blessing. Just keep riding the waves, my friends. Bye. You.