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The Power of a Mature Perspective: Choosing the Right Friend for Marriage Help · Doing Marriage Well

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  Doing Marriage Well for May 5th, 2026 The Power of a Mature Perspective Choosing
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  the Right Friend for Marriage Help Friends are the first port of call when things
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  get rocky, but they can be your greatest asset or your biggest liability.
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  On the positive side, you know them, and they know you.
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  You know they're on your side. You probably have a feel for their discretion, or lack thereof.
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  On the negative side, they may be swayed by what they already know of your marriage
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  and their friendship with you. If you say something ugly about your spouse, will they push back?
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  If it's evident you are in the wrong, will they tell you?
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  Sometimes when we turn to our friends for help, what we really want is someone
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  to tell us it's not us, it's our spouse.
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  We want them to listen to us complain and tell us how great we are and how horrible our spouse is.
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  The really ugly version of this for women is a group who get together to badmouth
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  their husbands and slowly talk each other into getting a divorce.
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  The male version is griping about sex and telling each other it's understandable,
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  if not acceptable, to turn to porn or another woman.
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  If you're going to seek help from a friend, make it just one friend.
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  It should be a spiritually mature friend with a better-than-average marriage.
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  Confidentiality is a must. You want someone who won't hold a grudge against
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  your spouse when they hear about wrongs done to you.
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  A friend who won't challenge you is not a friend of your marriage,
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  and that's what you need.
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  Having overcome something similar to what your marriage is struggling with is a huge plus.
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  Friend help can also be done on the couple level. The first time Lori and I
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  did this was at the request of a couple a few years younger than ourselves.
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  We were barely past our own troubles and had no idea how to help others,
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  but we agreed to spend time with them and talk about marriage.
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  A year later, I overheard the wife tell someone that we had saved their marriage from divorce.
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  With that story in mind, if you have a good marriage, be willing to help others.
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  You don't need experience or training to come alongside and help,
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  but do be ready to say, that is out of my depth, you need someone else, if it comes to that.
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  This is Paul, and friends help friends do marriage well.