Latest / The Art of Love With Lucia / Episode 657: The Real Reason Why No Contact Works To Get Your Ex Back

Transcript

Episode 657: The Real Reason Why No Contact Works To Get Your Ex Back · The Art of Love With Lucia

• 0:00
  I want to talk about no contact. I know I haven't talked about it
• 0:03
  in a while. And sometimes the newer
• 0:05
  subscribers don't go back and listen to past videos or
• 0:08
  podcasts. So here we are.
• 0:11
  People are always surprised when they see that no contact
• 0:15
  actually works and they hear from their ex, especially if
• 0:19
  they describe their ex as stubborn, as most people do.
• 0:22
  So why does no contact work so well to get an ex back Well,
• 0:28
  stay tuned and you'll find out. But first, hi, my name is Lucia.
• 0:33
  I'm a dating and relationship expert and I specialize in
• 0:36
  helping people get their ex back and welcome back my beautiful no
• 0:40
  contact army. If you're in no contact,
• 0:43
  hopefully you've downloaded my apps silencio to help you stay
• 0:46
  in no contact. The link is underneath every
• 0:48
  single video and podcast. And if you too would like to
• 0:51
  join our No Contact army, all you have to do is hit the
• 0:54
  subscribe button and the bell notification and you're in.
• 0:59
  And to read our manual, go to nocontactsecrets.com.
• 1:03
  Or you can read two free chapters before you purchase the
• 1:05
  book and the link to everything is underneath the video or
• 1:09
  podcast. So in case you haven't heard of
• 1:13
  no contact, which I'm sure almost everyone has, that would
• 1:16
  be when someone breaks up with you and you want them back, you
• 1:23
  agree to the breakup and you go radio silent.
• 1:25
  You do not try to talk them into coming back.
• 1:28
  You do not reach out, you do not contact them.
• 1:30
  You disappear as if you're in witness protection.
• 1:34
  And people are afraid of no contact because they do not
• 1:37
  understand human nature. And I did give seven reasons as
• 1:42
  to why no contact works on everyone in my video of that
• 1:45
  title. And I'll post the link in the
• 1:46
  upper right hand corner of YouTube for those of you who
• 1:49
  haven't seen it. But in this video, I want to
• 1:51
  talk about the psychology of rejection.
• 1:53
  Because when you don't try to get your ex back and don't
• 1:57
  respond to bread crumbs, the tables have turned and you are
• 2:01
  now rejecting them. And people think that if they
• 2:05
  reject someone, the person being rejected will just agree to it
• 2:09
  and go away. Or in the case of your ex, stay
• 2:11
  away. And that's why so many people
• 2:14
  have trouble doing no contact. They think that if they ignore
• 2:17
  the X, if they don't try to get them back, the ex will stay away
• 2:23
  and go away. But look at it this way.
• 2:25
  Your ex pushed you away, rejected you, right?
• 2:29
  Did you go away? No, not only did you not go
• 2:35
  away, but here you are listening to this video about how to get
• 2:38
  them back. And some of you will even hire
• 2:41
  me to get your ex back. So let's put to rest the myth
• 2:44
  that if you reject someone, they will just accept it and move on.
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  That is not how the human mind works.
• 2:52
  When you reject someone, the mask is going to fall and the
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  truth is going to be revealed. When someone is rejected, their
• 3:01
  ego, their confidence and their self esteem are going to take a
• 3:05
  blow. You felt that when your ex down
• 3:07
  to you, right? So why would it not feel the
• 3:10
  same for them when they realize that you're not responding and
• 3:15
  they are now the one getting rejected?
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  Now they will feel that they need to get you back in order to
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  boost up their ego again and to get their confidence and self
• 3:25
  esteem back. Most people have low self
• 3:28
  esteem, but everyone does a great job of hiding it.
• 3:33
  Does this happen 100% of the time?
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  Yes, but to varying degrees depending on their interest
• 3:40
  level, on the connection you had, and on their attachment
• 3:44
  style. There are several variables
• 3:46
  involved. When you reject someone, it
• 3:49
  forces them to make a decision. You are now limiting their
• 3:54
  options, meaning they either try to get you back now or in the
• 3:59
  very near future, or risk that the window of opportunity will
• 4:03
  pass and they will miss their chance if they change their mind
• 4:07
  down the road. When you reject someone, you
• 4:10
  give the appearance of having something of value.
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  That's why the person now wants you back.
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  The thought process is, if you weren't valuable, you wouldn't
• 4:20
  be ignoring them, right? You must have a higher value
• 4:24
  than them or you'd be thrilled to hear from them and to get
• 4:29
  back together with them if they wanted to, even though they
• 4:33
  rejected you to begin with. People think that if they reject
• 4:37
  someone, the other person will be confident and leave.
• 4:40
  And most of the time it's actually the other way around.
• 4:43
  They turn into a child, and now they want what they can't have.
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  It's like a child who rejects a toy and then someone else comes
• 4:51
  along and picks up that toy and starts playing with it.
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  And often now they want that toy.
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  They no longer have that toy, and someone else thinks that the
• 5:01
  toy is interesting, so maybe they didn't see its value.
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  Now, obviously you're not a toy, but you know what I mean.
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  Look at it this way. Think about the people who
• 5:12
  you've dated in the past who you weren't that interested in.
• 5:16
  They could feel it. You were silently rejecting
• 5:20
  them, even if you were nice to them, and thus they continued to
• 5:24
  put in effort. The people you weren't that
• 5:27
  interested in were always interested in you, right?
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  Everyone says that, so it's statistically impossible that
• 5:37
  all the people you weren't interested in were interested in
• 5:41
  you. So what's really going on?
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  It's because you were showing them that you didn't need them,
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  you weren't that interested, and you could live without them.
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  You were rejecting them. So it's the same concept with no
• 5:55
  contact except with your ex. You are interested, but you have
• 6:00
  to act as if you aren't. People hate rejection and have a
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  very primitive reaction to it, meaning they do not respond
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  logically to someone rejecting them.
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  They respond emotionally. And this is exactly where we
• 6:16
  want your ex. We want them to be emotional,
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  not logical. And by the way, if you're
• 6:22
  finding this helpful, please be sure to give it a like on
• 6:26
  YouTube so that we help our friend, the algorithm
• 6:30
  recommended to everybody else who wants to know about no
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  contact. OK, so all of a sudden your ex
• 6:37
  is going to start making mistakes.
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  And this is because fear has now taken over.
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  And while we're normally normally able to control
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  ourselves, when we're acting from fear, all those defenses go
• 6:50
  down and we make stupid mistakes.
• 6:53
  We've all been there, right? And your ex is no different.
• 6:58
  They're going to become impatient and irrational.
• 7:00
  And this is where we see the calling from blocked numbers,
• 7:04
  blocking and unblocking, constantly changing profile
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  photos, etcetera, etcetera. Your ex will get more emotional
• 7:12
  and their true feelings will come out, usually in the form of
• 7:15
  bread crumbs. That's why you don't want to
• 7:18
  respond to bread crumbs. They're obviously interested
• 7:22
  enough to contact you, but not quite yet ready to express
• 7:26
  themselves. So as I said, rejection will
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  make them, will force them to make a decision.
• 7:32
  Do they continue to reach out or do they walk away?
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  And the longer you stay in no contact, the more leverage you
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  have, meaning that if you do take them back, you can now set
• 7:45
  the price of what it will take to get you back.
• 7:48
  And I talked about this in my video, the six questions to ask
• 7:51
  your ex if they want you back. And I'll put the link in the
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  upper right hand corner on YouTube.
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  So if you do no contact, you'll have leverage if they do come
• 8:02
  back and it'll be on your terms. Otherwise, if you don't do it,
• 8:06
  you will get the pet cemetery version of them, which I talked
• 8:11
  about in one of my videos and I do not remember the name.
• 8:15
  I should just call that that video Pet Cemetery.
• 8:18
  So I'd remember. So if someone remembers the
• 8:20
  name, please put it in the comments and then I'll link it
• 8:22
  on YouTube. Now you may be listening to this
• 8:26
  and thinking, hmm, this is manipulation, but I call it
• 8:31
  motivation. Manipulation and motivation are
• 8:34
  opposite sides of the same coin. Something has to motivate your
• 8:39
  ex to start to wonder if they made a mistake in breaking up
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  with you, right? Otherwise why would they start
• 8:45
  to change their mind? So sometimes it's time when they
• 8:49
  start missing you. Sometimes it's going on dates
• 8:52
  and realizing you'll be hard to replace.
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  And in doing no contact, if they do start to doubt their
• 9:00
  decision, they'll act on it sooner rather than later since
• 9:06
  they have no idea if you would ever take them back because you
• 9:08
  haven't been trying to get them back right?
• 9:10
  They have no idea what's going on.
• 9:12
  You're in no contact. Now I know others of you may be
• 9:16
  saying, but I don't want to play games when it comes to love.
• 9:20
  Well guess what? I agree with you, you should not
• 9:24
  play games when it comes to love.
• 9:27
  But here's the thing right now, sorry to say, there is no love,
• 9:32
  at least not from their side. Because if they loved you, they
• 9:36
  would not have given up. They would not have broken up
• 9:39
  with you. They would have found a way to
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  fix whatever wasn't working. So you can get that thought out
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  of your mind in terms of playing games with love, there's no love
• 9:48
  here on their side. You know this love game, it is a
• 9:52
  game is not for the faint of heart.
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  It's not for the weak. But acting from your feelings is
• 9:58
  not going to get your ex back. And also just because you refuse
• 10:02
  to play it doesn't mean you automatically win.
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  If anything you're going to pretty much ensure that you
• 10:08
  don't get your ex back. And whoever breaks no contact is
• 10:14
  saying I need you more than you need me.
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  I can't go no contact longer than you.
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  It's killing me inside to not have you in my life.
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  That's why I'm reaching out. So the person who does not reach
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  out is now the one with the power and hopefully that person
• 10:30
  is you. You show them that you're
• 10:33
  perfectly fine walking away after they dumped you, even if
• 10:38
  that's not how you feel inside. And by the way, there are two
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  exceptions which I've talked about in previous videos.
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  If you cheated or took your ex for granted, then you should
• 10:47
  only do no contact for about 30 days and then you need to start
• 10:52
  trying to get your ex back. So you might be saying, but it's
• 10:56
  not working. I haven't heard from my ex.
• 10:58
  Well, how do you know it's not working?
• 11:00
  You don't know what's going on behind the scenes.
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  If you have a crystal ball, things might be happening.
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  Things might be happening and you don't even know.
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  Just because it's not on your schedule, it doesn't mean that
• 11:12
  nothing's happening. You're accepting appearance as
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  reality. And finally, for those of you
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  who are worried that your ex will move on, if you're in no
• 11:21
  contact, if you had a true connection, you're not going to
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  be easy to replace. Finding someone that you have a
• 11:28
  true connection with doesn't happen that often.
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  So just because they're dating doesn't mean that they are
• 11:35
  immediately going to replace you.
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  They're constantly going to be thinking about the connection
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  they had with you and we'll be comparing the new person.
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  And most of the time the new person's going to come up short.
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  So don't worry about that. Now, The only exception, there's
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  always an exception, is to what I've just said would be someone
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  with an extreme dismissive avoidant attachment style.
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  And I know this because, well, that would be me.
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  So if someone is extreme in their avoidance, no matter what
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  their feelings are for you, it's going to be very hard to get
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  them back if you broke up with them or if you gave them a good
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  reason to break up with you. I'm not saying it's impossible,
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  I'm just saying it's going to be very difficult and may take a
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  very long time. OK, so now I want to hear from
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  you. Have you been able to stay in no
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  contact or did you end up breaking no contact at some
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  point? And in the meantime, if you
• 12:38
  would like my help to get your ex back, you can contact me at
• 12:40
  theartoflove.net and we will send you the rates.
• 12:43
  They are not on the page and the direct link to that is below
• 12:46
  every single video and podcast. If you found this video helpful,
• 12:49
  please like, subscribe, and share.
• 12:52
  If you're listening to this as a podcast, please rate and review.
• 12:55
  And finally, remember that love inspires, empowers, uplifts and
• 12:59
  enlightens.