Latest / Masculine Containment / 24 - How Objectification Was Destroying My Relationship with Aaron Bartell

Transcript

24 - How Objectification Was Destroying My Relationship with Aaron Bartell · Masculine Containment

• 0:00
  Welcome to the Mass Young Containment Podcast.
• 0:02
  Today, I have the honor of interviewing one of the members that was in our second container.
• 0:06
  His name's Aaron Bartel.
• 0:07
  Aaron was one of the more active participants of the container.
• 0:12
  He's a boat captain based out of Key West, Florida.
• 0:15
  He had a pretty interesting experience going through the Brotherhood, and I'm excited for you to hear from him, to hear his story, to understand more about Aaron and the growth he experienced.
• 0:25
  Aaron, thanks so much for being with me today, man.
• 0:27
  Yeah.
• 0:28
  Pleasure to be here, Alex.
• 0:29
  Thank you for having me.
• 0:30
  Looking forward to this very much.
• 0:32
  Yeah, same here.
• 0:33
  I have been.
• 0:34
  And thanks for scheduling it.
• 0:36
  We had to schedule when Aaron wasn't on a satellite and wasn't using his phone.
• 0:41
  It was actually in a location that he wasn't out on the water.
• 0:44
  It must be fun being on a boat all the time.
• 0:46
  Man, it's a blast.
• 0:47
  I'm living my dream hands down.
• 0:49
  My wallpaper as a baby was sailboats, and I'm fulfilling it.
• 0:54
  That's so cool.
• 0:55
  So cool, brother.
• 0:57
  Well, I'm excited for men to hear your story and to relate to what you went through and what you experienced.
• 1:05
  And what I'd like to do is start with before the brotherhood, before you and I met, what was going on for you, Aaron?
• 1:12
  Yeah, sure.
• 1:12
  So a little background for you guys.
• 1:14
  I've been in almost a 12 year relationship.
• 1:18
  Her name is Angie.
• 1:19
  She's, she's a god in my eyes, just because I put her through so much shit.
• 1:26
  And she's stuck by my side this whole time.
• 1:29
  She's always told me that she's seen the potential in me.
• 1:31
  Yeah.
• 1:34
  So, you know, I grew up with, you know, I'd say old fashioned parents.
• 1:39
  Father was the, you know, not home very much working, very hard worker, very smart man.
• 1:45
  Mom was the one who pretty much raised me, had a beautiful home.
• 1:52
  You know, I was very well taken care of, but there was a lot of pressure on my mother from my father.
• 1:59
  Uh, so I, you know, I grew up, unfortunately, the same way, not knowing any better.
• 2:06
  And, um, my, uh, first relationship ended terribly.
• 2:10
  I've had two pretty much like real, uh, partnerships in my life.
• 2:14
  Uh, first one was for five years and, um, ended unfortunately, because I put a lot of pressure on her.
• 2:21
  And, uh, at the time she didn't know how to communicate
• 2:29
  You know, when I didn't get what I wanted, I was an asshole, basically.
• 2:34
  So I actually spent five years from that relationship to the one that I'm in now.
• 2:41
  A lot of it, I was celibate because I thought I had a problem.
• 2:45
  Um, and, um, I, you know, really focused on myself and I, um, had time to reflect on everything.
• 2:55
  And I, uh, really tried to not be that person in the next relationship, uh, ended up attracting Angie, um,
• 3:03
  I was at the time, um, spending a lot of time on, on boats and the water.
• 3:07
  I was also flying paramotors and, um, I tracked at her.
• 3:11
  She was like the yoga tip had the, her leg up over her head, um, started liking.
• 3:17
  So I started on Instagram.
• 3:19
  Um, she wanted a guy who had the boat.
• 3:21
  I wanted to,
• 3:22
  a flexible, beautiful woman.
• 3:25
  And that's pretty much how the relationship started.
• 3:28
  It was an incredible relationship for the first, I'd say, 12, 18 months.
• 3:33
  I'd say 18 months.
• 3:35
  And then, you know, out of nowhere, she completely changed.
• 3:40
  And she, you know, number one thing, she stopped being sexual with me.
• 3:47
  And it became more of a chore for her, an expectation, obligation.
• 3:52
  And I felt the energy.
• 3:54
  She felt my energy.
• 3:55
  And for seven, eight years, we unfortunately didn't really know how to handle this.
• 4:02
  Um, but she stuck by my side.
• 4:04
  I stuck by her side.
• 4:05
  We wanted it to work.
• 4:06
  We made it work.
• 4:07
  Um, you know, we would have one, two great weeks a month and then one or two bad weeks a month.
• 4:12
  And that just seemed how it was for, you know, eight years or so.
• 4:17
  And, um, we ended up moving from California to, um, we bought a sailing pattern in Guatemala.
• 4:25
  Um.
• 4:26
  That was very exciting for the first year.
• 4:29
  Kept us really distracted, busy, you know, living the dream.
• 4:33
  We were both pretty much semi-retired at the time.
• 4:36
  And just living life, you know, every day how we wanted to live it.
• 4:41
  Ended up getting bored.
• 4:44
  And once again, I fell into the same kind of situation where it was a depressor, obligation, expectation.
• 4:53
  I was...
• 4:55
  Not very nice when I wasn't getting what I wanted.
• 4:59
  And I thought I deserved it.
• 5:02
  I thought I was offering this beautiful life.
• 5:04
  Living the dream.
• 5:06
  Pretty much paying for everything.
• 5:08
  And I just didn't understand why she didn't want me.
• 5:13
  Almost as if she wasn't physically attracted to me anymore.
• 5:16
  And man, it crushed me.
• 5:19
  I didn't know what to do.
• 5:20
  Didn't know where to go.
• 5:21
  I ended up.
• 5:24
  You know, every year, she would take off for a month to three months to go visit her family.
• 5:30
  And, you know, during that time, we would fall back in love with each other because we were gone, missing each other.
• 5:38
  And we'd come back together and it would be good for another three, four months.
• 5:41
  And then we'd fall into the same cycle.
• 5:44
  It was this cycle that never ended.
• 5:47
  Um, we ended up sailing to Key West a couple of times back and forth, Guatemala, Mexico, Key West did that twice.
• 5:55
  Uh, last time in Key West, uh, you know, we finally moved off the boat, got an apartment.
• 6:02
  I thought it was going to fix everything because, um, maybe, maybe just the boat was too stressful for her and, you know, maybe it's a small space.
• 6:10
  And, um, so I thought that it was going to save, save us.
• 6:14
  And, um, yeah.
• 6:15
  you know, it's great for the first couple of months, exciting.
• 6:17
  And then same cycle happened again.
• 6:19
  I'm like, man, this is killing me.
• 6:22
  I almost made the decision to leave her because I thought it was her.
• 6:26
  I didn't think it was me at all.
• 6:28
  And we didn't have sex for about three months.
• 6:33
  And that's what basically drove me to want to leave her.
• 6:36
  And...
• 6:41
  I remember the conversation.
• 6:42
  Um, she told me she didn't feel a scene.
• 6:45
  She didn't feel heard and she didn't feel safe.
• 6:49
  And, uh, I was on Facebook, um, that night and, um, I was browsing just scrolling and a friend of mine shared your post and your post literally said, uh,
• 7:05
  You had this conversation with your wife or she didn't feel seen, heard, or safe.
• 7:09
  And it was the three identical words that Angie told me.
• 7:13
  I couldn't believe it.
• 7:14
  It was like a godsend.
• 7:21
  I don't even know how to explain it.
• 7:22
  It was like meant to be, though, that I saw that post and I could relate.
• 7:25
  So I ended up following you, spending the rest of the night reading your posts,
• 7:31
  It just felt like for the first time in my life that someone understood what I was going through.
• 7:37
  And I just remember being very excited, having chills and just knowing that this was what I needed to do.
• 7:44
  And next thing I know, you were offering a class to men and I signed up.
• 7:52
  And I took it very serious.
• 7:54
  And within, I would say, three, four weeks at the most, my entire life changed.
• 8:02
  Can we pause for a second before we go to that, Aaron?
• 8:04
  Yeah, definitely.
• 8:06
  I want to dig in on something just because I think it's so relatable for men.
• 8:09
  So first...
• 8:11
  I just had all over body chills when you said that because, you know, but the fact that it's like this similar expression of not feeling seen, not feeling heard, not feeling safe.
• 8:19
  It's so it's it's it's intense that that happens over and over again, because when you hear it, didn't you feel like you were completely alone?
• 8:27
  Yeah, thank you for bringing that up.
• 8:30
  I was, when I heard that, I was so confused because I've never physically touched her.
• 8:36
  In my opinion, I do listen to her, you know, all the time.
• 8:41
  I'm always complimenting her, telling her I love her, making her feel secure.
• 8:45
  And... At least you thought you were.
• 8:48
  Yeah.
• 8:49
  In providing.
• 8:49
  Yeah, I thought I was, you know, but when she said that I was so confused and I was I was kind of upset because, you know, I went into defense mode.
• 8:58
  I wanted to defend myself.
• 8:59
  Well, I see you.
• 9:00
  You know, we talk all the time.
• 9:02
  I hear you.
• 9:04
  I'm always there for you.
• 9:06
  You're safe because I've never physically touched you.
• 9:09
  You got somewhere, you know, we live this great life and blah, blah, blah.
• 9:13
  I didn't know how to handle it.
• 9:15
  And
• 9:17
  Yeah, and that's when I saw your post.
• 9:20
  And the timing was divine intervention.
• 9:25
  I don't know how else to explain it.
• 9:26
  And that happens to me very often, actually.
• 9:29
  So often it's amazing.
• 9:31
  It's like there is a greater force that's literally directing me and I am open to hearing it.
• 9:37
  And that's literally what happened that night when I read your post.
• 9:40
  Divine talent and divine order is so extraordinary.
• 9:44
  When we go back to that cycle in your relationship, Aaron, can you describe a little bit of what was happening?
• 9:50
  Like what was it that caused...
• 9:53
  that disruption?
• 9:55
  Like you described, you know, you would separate for a while, you'd come back together, things would be okay, and then there'd be the disruption again.
• 10:01
  So that other men can understand and see that in their own relationships.
• 10:04
  What was it that caused that disruption for the two of you, for you and Angie?
• 10:08
  It was mostly sex, you know.
• 10:12
  We would leave, we would miss each other, we'd come back, we'd have sex, it was great.
• 10:16
  And then
• 10:17
  all of a sudden it would just stop.
• 10:19
  It would, you know, it would only be me trying to initiate it.
• 10:24
  The energy was just gone from her.
• 10:26
  It felt, I could tell it felt like an obligation, expectation, you know, like she was trying to fulfill her job or duty.
• 10:34
  And I was aware of it and I didn't like it.
• 10:38
  And I thought she wasn't attracted to me anymore.
• 10:43
  I thought that she didn't love me, she didn't see me.
• 10:53
  Yeah, it would have to do with mostly sex, unfortunately.
• 10:57
  That was the big thing for me.
• 11:00
  It got me all weird.
• 11:01
  It made me act weird.
• 11:03
  I didn't feel secure.
• 11:04
  I felt insecure.
• 11:06
  All of my insecurities came up.
• 11:08
  Is it because I'm sore?
• 11:09
  Is it because I'm not a big, strong man?
• 11:12
  Whatever the case may be, I didn't understand.
• 11:16
  So...
• 11:18
  I would say nine out of 10 times it was sex.
• 11:21
  I can't really think of a 10th thing, you know, but I'm sure there was something else, but it was, it was sex.
• 11:27
  Yeah.
• 11:28
  Hmm.
• 11:29
  I think it's interesting.
• 11:30
  You said, you know, she would do it out of obligation and so many people, a lot of women reflect to me that like all men want to sex and they don't really care.
• 11:40
  But when you're in that place of feeling like she's having sex with you out of obligation, what does it feel like?
• 11:46
  awful it's I it's I wouldn't even I didn't even enjoy I didn't enjoy I didn't want it it was very confusing yeah um yeah it's definitely not the right way to go about it I I I uh I I know for a
• 12:04
  didn't have the best upbringing because porn was very accessible.
• 12:09
  It was the way I regulated my nervous system, you know, and I know I put a lot of pressure on her.
• 12:16
  I had expectations of how it should be.
• 12:19
  And, you know, in my mind, if we're not having sex, you know, once a day, twice a day, three times a week, whatever, there's something wrong.
• 12:26
  Right.
• 12:27
  And
• 12:31
  I now know that I was wrong.
• 12:34
  I had the incorrect outlook 100% and it wasn't her at all actually.
• 12:40
  That's the messed up part is that once I dove deep into what you had to say, I realized that it wasn't her the whole time.
• 12:53
  It was me.
• 12:55
  Tell us a little bit about that, Aaron.
• 12:57
  What did you realize about yourself that was causing that condition in your relationship?
• 13:01
  I think this is like the important thing for men to hear.
• 13:05
  So, you know, watching porn didn't help at all.
• 13:09
  That was probably the number one issue challenge.
• 13:16
  I wouldn't, you know, get it from her.
• 13:19
  So I would turn to porn or whatever.
• 13:21
  And that just made it way worse.
• 13:24
  Yeah.
• 13:25
  I actually had a friend who helped me and I stopped porn completely for a month.
• 13:32
  And I started doing a lot of breath work.
• 13:36
  That month turned out two months.
• 13:37
  That two months turned out three months.
• 13:39
  And it was the most free I've ever felt.
• 13:43
  I've just, my dopamine levels got, you know, back to baseline.
• 13:48
  I could focus again.
• 13:49
  I was motivated again.
• 13:52
  everything changed when I stopped doing that.
• 13:55
  So I, that was number one.
• 13:59
  Number two was finding myself, you know, I was motivated to go to the gym, I was motivated to work on my businesses, I was even motivated to work on my boat, you know, so I was not focusing on her not focusing on sex.
• 14:15
  I was focusing on other things and that really helped a lot.
• 14:19
  You were focusing on yourself?
• 14:21
  Yeah.
• 14:21
  Focusing on myself.
• 14:22
  Yeah.
• 14:23
  Yeah.
• 14:24
  So like with the breath work, the working out, working on my businesses, working on the boat, you know, those kinds of things.
• 14:31
  Stop putting so much pressure on her.
• 14:35
  But it didn't, it didn't really change the way that she, you know, came on to me or her sexual, um,
• 14:45
  excitement with me, for example, um, it just allowed me to not be so in my head and be a little more free.
• 14:53
  Um, and you know, that's, I guess was part of my journey to, to get to where I'm at now.
• 15:00
  Um, but ultimately it, it did, I didn't know, I didn't have words.
• 15:05
  I didn't have the questions to get the answers.
• 15:07
  I didn't, I didn't know what I know now after taking your course, you know, um, but that was the start of my journey.
• 15:14
  Yeah.
• 15:15
  So once I found you, once I started taking the course, at the time I was not necessarily utilizing porn like I used to, but every once in a while I'd be on Reddit and some shit would come up, I'd get, you know, whatever.
• 15:34
  So, you know, after
• 15:37
  being with you in your course.
• 15:38
  I deleted all the thirsty girls on Instagram, the Reddit, you know, any, any type of way that can get to me again, it was a trigger and I got rid of it completely.
• 15:47
  And, um, that was a game changer.
• 15:51
  Share with the men listening that you did that, because we talk about this in detail in the Brotherhood about how objectification kind of causes us to lead capacity everywhere.
• 16:00
  Share, like, what was it like for you, Aaron?
• 16:03
  What was the before and after like?
• 16:04
  You shared some of it, but just give us some details.
• 16:07
  Yeah.
• 16:08
  So, yeah, the...
• 16:10
  objectification objectification thank you yeah so you know you see girls on the street beautiful girls you know women walking around you can't I couldn't at the time help but like see them stare at them
• 16:26
  You know, I could have, you know, could I get that?
• 16:28
  You know, she, you know, maybe she into me, you know, it's like all these things going in her head.
• 16:34
  And it was definitely now that I know the answer, you know, the question, it was definitely leaking my, my sexual energy for sure.
• 16:47
  And once I learned that that was even a thing, I stopped doing it.
• 16:53
  Um, I would, you know, um, want to look, but I would have the control not to.
• 16:59
  And, um, uh, you know, right away, I, uh, women started noticing me a lot more.
• 17:06
  Actually, uh, it was like girls, girls I never thought would, you know, and look at me or mention me all of a sudden they're looking at me and I'm just like, this is working.
• 17:17
  Wow.
• 17:18
  This is amazing.
• 17:19
  Yeah.
• 17:20
  Um, so yeah, I was, I was doing it wrong the whole time and, um, come to find out it's actually not that difficult.
• 17:24
  You just, you gotta, you know, go through the process of, uh, forgiving yourself, forgiving, you know, everything you wish them the best, uh, give them the good intentions and you continue on to date and, uh, you don't judge yourself for it.
• 17:39
  You just, that's kind of silly, you know, Oh, you're doing better.
• 17:42
  Good job.
• 17:43
  Yeah.
• 17:44
  What was it like between you and Angie when you realized you had this path?
• 17:47
  Because I, you know, I share with men, all of us have been conditioned to objectify and we've all been trained in objectification.
• 17:54
  And like you said, we can retrain that.
• 17:56
  We can repattern that.
• 17:57
  When you retrained yourself around that, that compulsive habit of objectification, how did it change your relationship with Angie?
• 18:06
  Oh, man, that's a great, great question.
• 18:08
  I'd love to talk about that.
• 18:09
  So for the longest time, you know, I thought like maybe being poly was the answer, maybe dating other women, you know, opening up the relationship.
• 18:19
  I was all fucking confused, man.
• 18:21
  So, so confused.
• 18:24
  And I'd be walking with her down the street, and I would look at other women.
• 18:29
  And she was such a god that she never said anything.
• 18:31
  She never got mad at me.
• 18:32
  She just let me do it.
• 18:35
  She felt secure enough in herself, and so she should.
• 18:38
  And I did it, and it never felt good, but I thought it was normal for men to be that way.
• 18:47
  I thought it was acceptable, normal, and that's just what men do.
• 18:51
  And I think she kind of did too.
• 18:53
  Uh, but once I stopped doing that, uh, is when she really started giving me the attention that I wanted.
• 19:01
  She started coming onto me.
• 19:03
  She, you know, um, my, she's the world, she's the woman of my dreams now.
• 19:07
  Like,
• 19:08
  she's she's come on to me more in the last three months than she has in the last eight years there is something real to this and you've hit it on the nail you've hit it on the nail yeah i often show with men that
• 19:30
  what you just described, like when we are leaking our sexual energy, we feel unsafe to the women around us.
• 19:36
  Can you feel that now, like with the before and after with Angie?
• 19:39
  Can you feel like what she was feeling was a level of unsafety and now she feels safer to express with you, safer to connect with you?
• 19:46
  Tell us what that feels like.
• 19:48
  Yeah, definitely.
• 19:50
  Yeah, I do.
• 19:52
  I mean, number one, it's such a relief for me not to want to waste my energy looking at these things
• 20:02
  zero personality women, you know, uh, women that I would never want to be in a relationship with, you know, why, why would I give them my energy?
• 20:09
  There's no reason to, there's nothing like my women.
• 20:12
  Right.
• 20:12
  So, um,
• 20:15
  Number one, it's a relief.
• 20:17
  I'd say number two, she does definitely feel more secure.
• 20:20
  And, you know, instead of looking at other women, now I'm looking at her in the eye.
• 20:25
  I'm brushing my hand through her hair.
• 20:26
  I'm making her feel just like, you know, the woman that she deserves to be.
• 20:32
  And, yeah, she sees me now, and our relationship's better than it ever has been because of it.
• 20:42
  I often share with men that...
• 20:44
  If you stop objectification, you'll see your partner in a totally different way.
• 20:49
  So she's seeing you differently.
• 20:51
  Tell me how your perspective of Manji changed.
• 20:58
  Yeah, good question.
• 20:59
  So I see her as, like I said, a God, you know, the fact that she's.
• 21:11
  still with me.
• 21:12
  She hasn't left me.
• 21:13
  She went through all this shit with me and she still chooses me every day.
• 21:18
  You know, I'm
• 21:21
  So I am just super grateful for her and she's definitely my person, a hundred percent.
• 21:26
  Um, I work with a lot of women.
• 21:28
  I got a lot of first mates that I use on different boats and I mean, beautiful young women and, um, you know, we, it's, it's a great, um, but you know, at a point in time, I was confused thinking that I wanted them, you know, um,
• 21:48
  But now I realize that I don't want them because, you know, we really have nothing in common.
• 21:54
  I were...
• 21:56
  I just am so happy with Angie that I, I don't even, I'm not even interested in them anymore.
• 22:00
  And now they're all it shit and new, you know, it's like, it's like it's kind of funny.
• 22:08
  Um, and, um, for, for Angie, you know, I, I think she just feels very secure.
• 22:13
  So, so secure that I just did a four night overnighter with my first mate and we slept in the same bed together.
• 22:22
  And, uh,
• 22:24
  You know, Andy has no doubt in her mind that nothing's going to happen.
• 22:30
  And, you know, obviously nothing happened.
• 22:31
  And we laughed about it because our friends are so, for example, I posted a photo of me and one of our charter guests.
• 22:41
  And.
• 22:41
  Yeah.
• 22:45
  a little background to that.
• 22:46
  We do nude charters.
• 22:48
  One of my niches is nude charters.
• 22:50
  So we take people out, we're all nude.
• 22:52
  It's mostly nudists and, and things like that.
• 22:55
  So, um, we took a photo and I'm like wearing a little like cover up and she's got some pasties on, uh, for the photo.
• 23:05
  We've got a, uh, like a nice appetizer.
• 23:07
  It's a tutory board.
• 23:09
  Can't say the name, right?
• 23:10
  Um, you know,
• 23:12
  And we're, you know, it's just, it's a beautiful photo.
• 23:15
  And one of our friends sees it, I posted it on my personal Instagram and tagged my business in it.
• 23:22
  And he thought it was Angie.
• 23:24
  So he's like, Oh, I love you guys.
• 23:26
  And then she's like, that's not me.
• 23:28
  And he's like,
• 23:30
  I love you guys even more, you know, the fact that, um, I can do that.
• 23:36
  She's okay with it.
• 23:37
  She's that secure.
• 23:39
  I'm that secure.
• 23:40
  Uh, I think it's just a beautiful, beautiful thing.
• 23:44
  And I, I wouldn't change that for the world.
• 23:46
  I feel like I hit the gold pot.
• 23:48
  Um, that security is so important to her and to me.
• 23:53
  And, um, and I think that we can be a role models for other people to show that it is possible, you know,
• 24:00
  just because we're nude doesn't mean we're going to have sex.
• 24:03
  And that's really what we're trying to represent.
• 24:05
  We're trying to teach people and show people that you can separate the two, you know, and the fact that she's that secure with me, where I can do that is amazing.
• 24:16
  What a gift.
• 24:17
  So that's why, you know, I keep saying she's a God.
• 24:20
  There's not other, a lot of other women who would be that secure with their men doing that.
• 24:25
  Right.
• 24:26
  So,
• 24:27
  Yeah.
• 24:27
  Game changer.
• 24:29
  Do you think so?
• 24:30
  Tell us.
• 24:31
  It's so fascinating, Aaron, because for a lot of men, like getting out of the pattern of objectification is so difficult.
• 24:37
  You know, they go to the mall and they tell me like I'm at the mall and I'm noticing how much I objectify.
• 24:41
  I'm noticing how much I look.
• 24:43
  I tell them like, hey, the mall's a perfect gym to like recognize yourself, acknowledge yourself.
• 24:48
  send yourself love, send them love, like forgive yourself and move on.
• 24:52
  But they're not dealing with like nude charters.
• 24:54
  So tell us like in that environment, which for so many men would be hyper stimulating and almost impossible not to objectify.
• 25:03
  How is it that you stay in your body, don't objectify and come back to Angie?
• 25:09
  Yes.
• 25:10
  Um, well, I breathe through it.
• 25:14
  Um, I take big breaths.
• 25:17
  I, I, um, I, I don't stare.
• 25:21
  I don't look, uh, when you're a nudist and you're around naked people all the time, it's not as exciting to look.
• 25:28
  Um, that goes away, believe it or not.
• 25:31
  Um, so, you know, I'm, I'm around the most beautiful women all the time and, um,
• 25:37
  I'll go the entire charter without looking at them like that.
• 25:40
  You know what I mean?
• 25:41
  It's all eye contact.
• 25:45
  And you just, you got to breathe through it.
• 25:48
  There's really no else I can explain it.
• 25:50
  I, you know, we, it says it's, we've been doing it now for about five, six years.
• 25:56
  Um, we actually started a company together and it all started because we were sailing around Guatemala, Mexico.
• 26:02
  And when you're on a boat, you're not wearing any clothes, um, no laundry, you know, it's just, it's, you're swimming or ski dipping and just, it makes more sense than wearing clothes on a boat.
• 26:11
  So, uh, for years we didn't.
• 26:14
  And, um, yeah.
• 26:16
  we didn't want to wear clothes.
• 26:18
  So we were like, well, let's, let's start new charters.
• 26:22
  And that's literally how it came up.
• 26:24
  And we, in the first year, a couple of years, we did it together.
• 26:26
  She was my only first mate.
• 26:27
  We did it together.
• 26:30
  You know, I felt secure with other men with her.
• 26:33
  She felt secure with me and other women.
• 26:35
  And it was a big growth for our relationship.
• 26:38
  But we got to the point where we're, you know, it's probably best we don't work together all the time.
• 26:43
  So she ended up being a land job.
• 26:46
  And I kept doing it.
• 26:47
  Now I have other first mates who do it as well.
• 26:50
  And I think that feminine masculine dynamics, very important because it helps the women feel more comfortable.
• 26:56
  So anyways.
• 27:00
  Yeah, it was a, it was a little bit of a challenge in the beginning and I did want to objectify and I probably did.
• 27:08
  But I always was professional and you know, like I said, it gets less exciting when you're around it all the time.
• 27:16
  Yeah.
• 27:18
  So give us an idea, Aaron.
• 27:19
  So when you joined the brotherhood, Angie had just told you she didn't feel safe.
• 27:23
  She didn't feel seen.
• 27:24
  She didn't feel heard.
• 27:25
  Tell us about what shifted.
• 27:27
  What did you shift in the relationship so that she did besides just the porn?
• 27:30
  Is there anything else that besides giving up objectification?
• 27:34
  What else shifted for you that caused a shift in her?
• 27:39
  Oh, yeah.
• 27:39
  Good question.
• 27:40
  So I usually wake up about an hour or two hours before she does.
• 27:44
  That's my time.
• 27:45
  I have my micro habits.
• 27:47
  I make my elixir lemon and water with some salt, magnesium.
• 27:53
  I have these little powder packets made by Kaizen.
• 27:56
  They're delicious and really good for, you know, bad stuff in them.
• 28:00
  So I'll drink that in the morning.
• 28:01
  I'll have my protein shake.
• 28:03
  I'll do, you know, 15, 20 minutes of breath work.
• 28:07
  and then I'll go for like a walk or something.
• 28:09
  And I think that, you know, just having a purpose and, you know, in the morning, obviously men are going to be the most aroused.
• 28:18
  I, you know, I just feel that by getting up, having the micro habits, I look forward to them and it just completely goes away.
• 28:28
  And I train my body to, you know,
• 28:32
  not even desire that in the mornings like I used to, you know?
• 28:36
  Um, and, uh, so, you know, still wake up, I'm already, you know, doing my thing and in a great mood and, um, I can, you know, listen to her, which he has to say, I'm there for her.
• 28:51
  I'm not trying to get with her at all.
• 28:53
  It's just pure presence.
• 28:56
  Presence is the magic word.
• 28:57
  Um,
• 28:59
  you know, and then maybe I'll go to the gym.
• 29:01
  I go to the gym three days a week for 45 minutes or so, but you don't need any more than that.
• 29:04
  And then I'll do a shavasana for 10 minutes after, you know, and, uh, game changer.
• 29:10
  Um, and, you know, we'll both go to work or whatever.
• 29:12
  And, um, and now it's like when it is time for that, um, it's magical, man.
• 29:20
  It's, it's, it's a whole other level of, of, of magic.
• 29:24
  And it's exactly what I dreamed of, you know, and exactly what she's dreamed of.
• 29:28
  And, um,
• 29:30
  yeah, to, to restart that or do that with anyone else would be absolutely crazy at this point.
• 29:34
  We've been through so much and, uh, yeah.
• 29:38
  So it's a great relationship.
• 29:40
  Yeah.
• 29:42
  Speak to the men who are listening.
• 29:43
  What was it like for you to process some of the old habits and some of the challenges in your relationship being in a group of other men and like being on those calls with other men?
• 29:53
  How did, how was that for you?
• 29:54
  Yeah.
• 29:56
  So very powerful.
• 29:57
  Uh,
• 30:00
  You know, we start out dancing.
• 30:02
  A group of men, you know, 100 men or so or whatever, 50.
• 30:08
  And, you know, I couldn't help but kind of scroll through everyone dancing.
• 30:12
  And you see all these men just smiling and dancing.
• 30:16
  And it's like we're like little kids again with no worries in the world.
• 30:19
  And I personally love the dance.
• 30:22
  To me, that was awesome.
• 30:22
  Like I didn't feel uncomfortable at all.
• 30:25
  I'm like, this is my jam.
• 30:26
  Let's get up and down.
• 30:29
  So, you know, that alone was like a major get out of your mind, get into the body kind of deal.
• 30:34
  And then we go into our group discussions and we all have the exact same things going on, the exact same challenges, same thoughts, same issues, however you want to interpret it.
• 30:47
  But it was literally the same story over and over and over again.
• 30:51
  And it was incredible to see that we're in this together.
• 30:54
  We're all going through the same thing.
• 30:56
  We all have realized that society has done us wrong.
• 31:01
  And we could be there together to share that, you know, frustration, whatever it might be.
• 31:09
  And we literally saw each other heal.
• 31:11
  Every week we get together, we just got better and better and better.
• 31:14
  And more positive things came out.
• 31:17
  And I mean, just the men were so grateful for all of it.
• 31:22
  And I didn't feel alone.
• 31:24
  I felt like I had a brotherhood.
• 31:25
  I felt like we were all on this journey together.
• 31:29
  And even like in the chat, the telegram or, you know, whatever it is these days, the app, yeah.
• 31:37
  It's the same.
• 31:38
  It's like we all can share what we're going through.
• 31:40
  We all have each other's backs.
• 31:41
  We all have each other's advice for each other, what we're going through.
• 31:45
  And, yeah, it was very powerful.
• 31:47
  I think men should have a group of brothers at all times of their life and make that a priority.
• 31:56
  It's very, very important for men to have other men.
• 31:59
  And consistently, you know, not just once a month, but weekly for sure.
• 32:03
  Was it so good?
• 32:04
  I was like,
• 32:09
  I have since created a brotherhood here in Key West for men.
• 32:17
  And we all get together once a week and talk and share.
• 32:21
  And it's just been super powerful for all of us.
• 32:23
  We've all got this really big bond going on.
• 32:25
  We do stuff together.
• 32:26
  And I think that's another big part of why my relationship is flourishing so well is because we have men to talk to and relate to.
• 32:35
  And I think the women can feel the energy that we're not, it's just not all about them anymore.
• 32:40
  You know, and they want that for us.
• 32:42
  Puts less pressure on them.
• 32:44
  Yeah, puts less pressure on them.
• 32:45
  Yep.
• 32:46
  Was it surprising for you when we got into the breakouts to hear that so many, I mean, the details are different, but that so many men are dealing with like such similar issues.
• 32:55
  Was that surprising for you?
• 32:58
  It was surprising for me.
• 32:59
  Yeah.
• 33:00
  I, you know, at the time I thought I was the only one in the world going through this.
• 33:03
  Yeah.
• 33:05
  I thought I was the weird one.
• 33:06
  The, you know, the sexually frustrated one.
• 33:09
  I thought I had problems, you know, I didn't.
• 33:13
  Yeah, maybe I'm just the only corny guy out here.
• 33:15
  No, maybe, you know, I don't know.
• 33:18
  But when you listen to everyone else, we all have the exact same thing going on, the same thoughts, the same emotions.
• 33:26
  It was all really the same stuff, which was very powerful.
• 33:30
  It's interesting what you said, that you, like, watch each other heal on a weekly basis because...
• 33:36
  You know, when I started the brotherhood, I had this theory that if we all shared with each other and everybody was transparent and vulnerable with each other and we could hold each other and contain masculine energy, we'd actually transform.
• 33:47
  And it sounds like you really felt that.
• 33:50
  I've definitely transformed.
• 33:52
  Everyone around me knows it.
• 33:53
  You can see it.
• 33:54
  My energy is high.
• 33:57
  My vibration's high.
• 33:59
  My frequency's high.
• 34:00
  I get confidence all the time from people.
• 34:02
  Just the other day I walked into where Angie works and the guy behind the counter was like, Aaron, every time I see you, you're just more confident every time.
• 34:10
  And I'm like, thank you.
• 34:12
  Like, wow, that's awesome.
• 34:14
  Thank you for that.
• 34:15
  And I feel it.
• 34:16
  Other people can feel it.
• 34:19
  So yeah.
• 34:20
  My next question was, where else in your life do you feel like there was a change?
• 34:24
  It sounds like it's kind of everywhere.
• 34:27
  Oh, yeah.
• 34:28
  Everything has shifted.
• 34:31
  I was motivated to quit smoking weed.
• 34:34
  That was huge for me.
• 34:35
  I was a pretty big pothead for most of my life.
• 34:38
  I was able to give that up about four or five months ago.
• 34:42
  And what a game changer for that.
• 34:44
  Yeah.
• 34:46
  You know, my motivation is back super high.
• 34:49
  My dopamine levels are baseline.
• 34:52
  You know, I pretty much quit everything.
• 34:55
  All of anything I thought that was negative, I've stopped.
• 34:58
  And, you know, it's a spiral effect.
• 35:03
  It's like now I start with my micro habits in the morning.
• 35:08
  I like to consider it like a totem pole.
• 35:11
  Like you build the micro habits in the morning, that's your foundation.
• 35:14
  And then you start building a totem pole and you work your way up to the top of the totem pole.
• 35:18
  And that's basically what I try and do every single day.
• 35:21
  And without those micro habits in the morning building that foundation, there's no way that you can build your totem pole.
• 35:27
  So it's very important for me.
• 35:30
  to have those micro habits and stay consistent with it.
• 35:35
  And, you know, eating healthy is so important.
• 35:38
  I eliminate a lot, most of the processed stuff that I eat, you know, eating all organic and just everything.
• 35:46
  That's where I spend my money is on good nutrition.
• 35:49
  I, you know, all the supplements that I'm doing now, it's like, it's just, yeah, it's a spiral effect.
• 35:55
  You get motivated to do these things and you want to stay with it because you feel so good.
• 36:00
  So, yeah, my whole life has changed.
• 36:02
  I'm growing four businesses right now at the same time.
• 36:05
  I would have never been able to do that without this course, to be honest with you.
• 36:10
  There's no way.
• 36:12
  That's intense, Aaron.
• 36:14
  I've got a question for you that you've kind of answered, but I want to ask it directly.
• 36:18
  What do you think Angie would say is different about you?
• 36:23
  everything.
• 36:26
  Seriously.
• 36:29
  She's not afraid to talk to me.
• 36:32
  She can be herself.
• 36:36
  She can just cry when she wants to and she knows I'm not going to try and fix it.
• 36:40
  I'm not going to
• 36:42
  get defensive or make it about me.
• 36:46
  I'm just going to be there to hold her and hug her and support her.
• 36:50
  And every time it happens for whatever reason, I ground her and within five, 10 minutes of us hugging and breathing together, he's completely fine.
• 37:01
  It's like, it's like,
• 37:03
  this wild woman goddess energy, you know, just wants to be grounded and she doesn't know how.
• 37:09
  So she'll come to me, I'll come to her and I can just feel it go through my body into the ground and then it's gone.
• 37:16
  And then we have the best day ever.
• 37:19
  So... What does it feel like in your body after you've done that?
• 37:21
  Because I often tell men, like holding containment changes us.
• 37:25
  What does it feel like for you when you've done that?
• 37:27
  When you brought her back?
• 37:29
  It makes me feel like a god.
• 37:30
  It makes me feel like a superhuman.
• 37:32
  It does, right?
• 37:33
  It does.
• 37:34
  I feel like it's my purpose.
• 37:35
  Yeah, it feels amazing.
• 37:37
  It's like, it makes me feel confident.
• 37:44
  You know, I want to work.
• 37:47
  I want to make money.
• 37:48
  I want to be healthy.
• 37:49
  I want to, you know, start thinking about kids.
• 37:52
  I want to, all these things, it's just like, it's like a magical power to be able to do that with your woman.
• 37:58
  Hmm.
• 37:59
  So awesome, Aaron.
• 38:00
  Yeah.
• 38:01
  One last, maybe last question.
• 38:03
  I might ask some details, but if there's a guy out there who's considering stepping into the brotherhood and, you know, the vulnerable, deep, hard work that we do, what would you say to him?
• 38:14
  I'd say do it.
• 38:15
  Don't even think about it.
• 38:16
  Just do it.
• 38:17
  It's so worth it.
• 38:19
  You won't be, uh, you won't regret it.
• 38:22
  Um,
• 38:23
  I've seen so many men transform in my first course.
• 38:29
  I'm now doing a second one just to stay consistent with it.
• 38:33
  I don't feel like I need to do it, but to me, this is a passion of mine now, and I want to help other men too.
• 38:38
  So I just want to absorb as much as I can.
• 38:41
  I'm doing a second one, guys.
• 38:44
  It was that powerful for me.
• 38:45
  So I would say do it.
• 38:47
  Don't think about it.
• 38:48
  Just dive into it.
• 38:49
  Have faith in it.
• 38:50
  And really...
• 38:52
  be consistent with it, show up, be involved with the other men, talk, share, get out of your comfort zone, and you will become your best version.
• 39:02
  And it happens quickly.
• 39:04
  Your women will notice in weeks, maybe even the first week, second week, she'll notice, and you'll notice, and you're going to want to continue to do it.
• 39:12
  So highly recommend it to all the brothers out there.
• 39:16
  Thank you, Aaron.
• 39:16
  Thanks for sharing that.
• 39:18
  I do have one last question.
• 39:22
  to the version of you that was before the brotherhood, the, you know, not contained, objectifying, kind of in that place where you're disassociating with THC, with other stuff, what would you tell that version of yourself now?
• 39:45
  I would tell them that you're
• 39:51
  I would tell him not to judge yourself.
• 39:52
  And I would tell him that you didn't know any better and you did the best you could.
• 39:59
  And don't be so hard on yourself.
• 40:01
  And I would tell him that there was a way out.
• 40:05
  And once you figure that way out, man, you're never going to want to go back.
• 40:12
  got this beautiful name i always tell men that we don't need someone to yell at us to heal we don't need somebody to scream at us we don't need to get beat up we need love and and connection and empathy and compassion and what you just stated was empathy and compassion and love for your prior self and it's beautiful brother thank you yeah i agree with that 100 yeah um you know the whole like uh
• 40:39
  like whatever men say all the time, like, um, don't get your pain in a twist or like man up or, you know, all of these things like that is not the right way to go about this at all.
• 40:51
  Um, we do need love.
• 40:52
  We do need compassion.
• 40:53
  And we, you know, we, it's so important for men just, just as it is for women, maybe even more important, honestly.
• 41:00
  Um,
• 41:02
  We need that space.
• 41:03
  And I know for fact, the Brotherhood offered that because we could just come together as one and not be embarrassed or shy.
• 41:11
  And we're all being silly.
• 41:12
  And it was just very, very powerful.
• 41:16
  Thank you so much, Aaron.
• 41:17
  Yeah, I appreciate you being here.
• 41:19
  Thank you for being so vulnerable for sharing so many details about your life for.
• 41:24
  Thank you for expressing the love towards Angie.
• 41:26
  I hope she listens to this podcast and I hope she can feel just how deeply connected you are to her and how important she is to you because I can feel it, brother.
• 41:34
  Thank you for that.
• 41:35
  Yeah, actually I talk about this all the time to everybody.
• 41:38
  So I'm very passionate about this.
• 41:40
  At this point, all my friends know, they're all very interested.
• 41:44
  I've already sent probably 10 men your way at least.
• 41:49
  Um, so yeah, this is part of my life that I will practice.
• 41:53
  It's part of my journey now forever.
• 41:55
  So I'm, I'm forever grateful.
• 41:57
  So thank you.
• 41:58
  Thank you, brother.
• 41:59
  It's been an honor.
• 42:01
  And if you're a man listening and you relate to Aaron and you relate to some of these things around objectification, you relate to having habits you don't want to have, you relate to.
• 42:11
  Maybe losing intimacy and losing connection with your partner.
• 42:15
  Know that it doesn't have to be that way.
• 42:16
  And things can change rather quickly, like Aaron said.
• 42:19
  And you can go to thebrotherhoodsociety.com and sign up for our wait list if we're in an open container period where we're teaching class.
• 42:27
  And if not, you can sign up for an interview.
• 42:29
  I'd love to connect with you and have you in our next container.
• 42:32
  Thanks again for being here today, Aaron.
• 42:34
  And thank you for listening.
• 42:35
  I appreciate you all.