Latest / Get It Got It Girl: Midlife Rebuild / Rebuilding Self Worth While Dating With A Handicap
Transcript
- 0:00SPEAKER_00: This is the raw, uncut version.
- 0:03SPEAKER_00: Who's gonna want me now?
- 0:05SPEAKER_00: I finally got to a place where I was ready to date again, and then this fear hit me like a punch to the chest.
- 0:11SPEAKER_00: Who's gonna want someone with a handicapped?
- 0:15SPEAKER_00: Who's gonna choose somebody that they might have to help take care of?
- 0:19SPEAKER_00: I spent all this time healing from heartbreak, rebuilding myself, and now I feel like my value dropped.
- 0:25SPEAKER_00: Right when I was ready to finally try again.
- 0:29SPEAKER_00: You know, nobody prepares you for this part, not the heartbreak, not the healing, but the moment after the healing, when you're finally ready to step back into the world and suddenly you're hit with a fear you didn't even see coming.
- 0:41SPEAKER_00: And there's that word didn't even see coming literally.
- 0:45SPEAKER_00: I thought the hardest part was getting over my ex, and I thought rebuilding myself after was hard after I walked away from somebody I loved, and I thought that the hardest part was learning how to be alone again.
- 0:57SPEAKER_00: But no, the hardest part is right now because now I'm ready to date again.
- 1:05SPEAKER_00: Now that I'm finally open to connecting, I'm looking at myself and thinking, who's gonna want me like this?
- 1:13SPEAKER_00: Who's gonna choose somebody who has a handicap?
- 1:17SPEAKER_00: Who's gonna look at me and see a partner instead of a responsibility?
- 1:23SPEAKER_00: And that thought really hit different.
- 1:25SPEAKER_00: It hits in a place that heartbreak never touched.
- 1:28SPEAKER_00: It hits in a place where your self-worth lives.
- 1:31SPEAKER_00: I didn't choose this.
- 1:32SPEAKER_00: I didn't ask for my life to look like this.
- 1:34SPEAKER_00: I didn't plan to have something that makes me feel less desirable, less chosen, less wanted.
- 1:41SPEAKER_00: And it's wild because I spent a year and a half healing from someone who didn't choose me, and now I'm scared that nobody will.
- 1:52SPEAKER_00: That's the part that keeps me up at night tonight.
- 1:55SPEAKER_00: Not loneliness, not the dating apps, not the awkward first conversations.
- 2:00SPEAKER_00: It's the fear that my life has changed and that this change somehow made me too much.
- 2:06SPEAKER_00: Too much work, too much responsibility, too much trouble, too much care, too much of a burden.
- 2:17SPEAKER_00: And I hate that word burden, but it's the word that creeps up when I'm trying to be brave.
- 2:26SPEAKER_00: Because when you're dating with a handicapped, you're not just putting your personality out there, you're putting your reality out there, and that feels pretty heavy to me right now.
- 2:34SPEAKER_00: I catch myself thinking, do I put it on my profile?
- 2:38SPEAKER_00: Do I wait until we meet?
- 2:40SPEAKER_00: Do I hide it?
- 2:41SPEAKER_00: Do I explain it?
- 2:42SPEAKER_00: Do I apologize for it?
- 2:44SPEAKER_00: And then I get mad at myself for even thinking I need to apologize for this, or existing for that matter.
- 2:51SPEAKER_00: But that's what fear does.
- 2:53SPEAKER_00: It makes you shrink.
- 2:54SPEAKER_00: It makes me question my worth.
- 2:56SPEAKER_00: It makes you think that you're less.
- 2:58SPEAKER_00: When really you're just different.
- 3:01SPEAKER_00: And here's the part I'm trying to remind myself, and maybe you need to hear it too.
- 3:06SPEAKER_00: Your worth didn't go down, my worth didn't go down, my desirability didn't disappear, my value didn't drop.
- 3:14SPEAKER_00: My life just changed.
- 3:17SPEAKER_00: The right person won't be scared of that, the right person won't see me as a burden.
- 3:23SPEAKER_00: Maybe the right person won't even think twice about the parts of me that I feel are too much.
- 3:29SPEAKER_00: Because love, real love has always involved care, emotional care, mental care, physical care.
- 3:39SPEAKER_00: We all take care of people we love in different ways.
- 3:44SPEAKER_00: Mine just looks different.
- 3:45SPEAKER_00: That doesn't make me less worthy.
- 3:47SPEAKER_00: It makes me human.
- 3:49SPEAKER_00: And I will say that makes me a burden, but it makes me human.
- 3:53SPEAKER_00: And maybe that's the point of this episode, not to pretend that I'm fearless or I'm confident or that I'm above this insecurity, but to say it out loud.
- 4:02SPEAKER_00: I'm scared.
- 4:05SPEAKER_00: I'm vulnerable and I'm stepping into dating with something I've never had to navigate before, and I'm terrified that it makes me less wanted.
- 4:13SPEAKER_00: But I'm still going to try.
- 4:15SPEAKER_00: I'm still trying.
- 4:16SPEAKER_00: I'm still gonna open up myself because the right person, the person that's meant for me, won't be scared of my reality.
- 4:24SPEAKER_00: They'll step into it with me.
- 4:28SPEAKER_00: And maybe, just maybe, that's what makes this next chapter even more meaningful.
- 4:35SPEAKER_00: So yeah, that's where I'm at.
- 4:36SPEAKER_00: Standing in this weird space between fear and hope.
- 4:40SPEAKER_00: Trying to believe that I'm still worthy of being chosen, even with the parts of me that feel heavy.
- 4:46SPEAKER_00: And maybe you're there too.
- 4:48SPEAKER_00: Maybe you're learning how to show up in a body or a life that you didn't plan for.
- 4:53SPEAKER_00: If that's you, just know this.
- 4:55SPEAKER_00: You're not less, you're not broken, you're not disqualified from love.
- 5:00SPEAKER_00: And I have to laugh because why would I think that?
- 5:03SPEAKER_00: That the brain can be really tricky.
- 5:06SPEAKER_00: You're just human, and the right person won't be scared of your reality.
- 5:10SPEAKER_00: They'll be grateful that they just get to be a part of it.
- 5:14SPEAKER_00: Until next time, please be gentle with yourself.
- 5:17SPEAKER_00: You're doing better than you think.