Latest / Questionable Detour / Torturing your new coworker, giving a racoon colon cancer, and starting a travel show!

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Torturing your new coworker, giving a racoon colon cancer, and starting a travel show! · Questionable Detour

0:00
Excuse me, what is going on here?
0:04
But first we're gonna make a little detour.
0:09
So absurd, so questionable.
0:12
Yeah, I guess we're just the weirdos.
0:15
Expect the detour.
0:17
As some of you may have noticed, we have been on hiatus. We have taken a break to go out and search the world,
0:34
adventure around, grow as people, right?
0:37
We went to these weird hippie, slightly sexual summer camps where we did yoga and loincloths, where we rubbed the back of Harry Strangers, where we got in touch with our inner self.
0:54
That's what we did for two weeks, right?
0:56
Carroboratis.
0:58
That is 100% true.
1:00
Deep in the Himalayas.
1:02
I think Alan became a shaman at one point.
1:05
During which there was a solar eclipse and we all charged our crystals.
1:10
We are energized.
1:13
You charged your crystals.
1:15
I became a person from about a thousand years ago when I thought the world was ending during that.
1:20
I was running around screaming apocalypse, murdering infants to the sun god.
1:27
It's pretty embarrassing for the rest of us, because we had to pick up the pieces from that.
1:32
Oh god, it was a violent sacrifice.
1:36
When you think of how would you sacrifice an infant, most people would go with the ceremonial knife, right?
1:46
On an altar, not me.
1:48
I get one of those old white church tables, stick a dynamite right under them.
1:52
Boom.
1:54
My logic with that is, if I stick a big enough piece of dynamite under them, they'll send them right to heaven.
2:01
Yeah, which is the reason we had to get back to the States, is because
2:05
Nepalese government was not happy about that.
2:09
They welcomed us in our fair skin as if we were gods.
2:13
We left there criminals.
2:17
Yeah, we had to get out quick.
2:19
But that's why we're back.
2:21
I think if that didn't happen, if I didn't ruin that for us, we'd still be there.
2:25
We could have been gone.
2:27
We had planned to be gone for three months.
2:29
We paid for three months.
2:31
Zach got us back very quickly.
2:33
That's just because he's a man of what is it, drive?
2:37
Just a passion for this podcast.
2:39
So you had to get back before the three months because you were just chomping at the bit.
2:43
Zach was telling us all about commitment and how committed we need to be with each other
2:49
and all of our listeners individually.
2:51
There just needs to be more commitment.
2:53
If I could, I would go up and give every one of our listeners a big old sloppy wet kiss on the cheek.
2:59
Gross. That's harassment, but it's fine.
3:03
And I think what that is is just you, and how do I say this lightly?
3:11
You love our listeners a little bit too much.
3:14
It's getting weird at this point because, and he says this a lot off mic, but the way he talks about touching listeners,
3:22
I don't think we should say on air, but no, but we can definitely allude to it.
3:28
Yeah.
3:30
And let me tell you, I wouldn't even say this about my own grandmother, the things he says about listeners.
3:36
Oh, okay. Well, let me that's your line.
3:38
Your grandmother, Evan says a lot to his grandma.
3:42
Me and my grandma are very close, but even he has a line.
3:45
Apparently, it's what I say, but that is our excuse for the past couple of weeks.
3:51
We just have been growing as people exploring the world, exploring each other.
3:56
We've been saying Namaste a lot.
3:58
And now we're back. We're back in the United States, back to being glutton and consumers.
4:06
You know, we're back in front of the mics here, opening up questionable detour season two.
4:14
Alan, what is going to be different about season two?
4:18
You know, I think we're going to play harder.
4:21
I think we really gave it a good effort in season one.
4:26
And I think season two just coming out the gate. I expect us all to be winners.
4:30
The passion is flowing through his mind right now.
4:32
God, I'm inspired.
4:33
Yeah.
4:34
Evan, what's going to be different about season two for you?
4:36
Oh, buddy.
4:38
I think we're going to show up more.
4:40
And not just physically, but maybe mentally.
4:43
Maybe be here with us.
4:44
Yeah. I might just actually be in the room, you know, most of the time.
4:47
That would help.
4:48
Yeah.
4:49
And just take it a lot more serious.
4:51
Yeah.
4:52
I'm done joking around on this podcast.
4:54
Oh, okay. Yeah.
4:55
From here on out, no more jokes for me. It's all serious.
4:59
Aren't you going to do like political theory now on the pod?
5:02
That's where I'm working into right now.
5:06
I'm gaining my basis.
5:08
You know, I hear you're going to talk about the economic impact of Asian Americans on the railroad in early America.
5:16
The Chinese did a lot more for America than we like to talk about.
5:21
I didn't mean to get him started.
5:23
So, Zach, based on Evan's kind of the turning over of a new leaf, do you think we'll hear anything about the crawl mommies again?
5:31
Oh, man.
5:32
Do you think or do you think that's something he's leaving in season one?
5:35
I think the crawl mommies are going to be with him like the Holy Ghost.
5:41
They're going to be just tagging along.
5:44
I think he's going to be struggling to get rid of them.
5:48
He needs antibiotics to get rid of those.
5:53
But yeah, season two is going to be totally different.
5:55
We have a lot planned.
5:57
Zach, do you have any plans for season two?
6:00
You know, I think for me, season two is going to be where I finally make it in this world.
6:07
Make what?
6:08
Just some pottery.
6:09
It's going to be loud.
6:10
It's going to be annoying on the minds.
6:12
I would even sit here making some brown, oddly shaped asymmetrical bowls.
6:19
Just throwing mud on a pottery wheel.
6:21
That's just all Zach's doing for season two.
6:23
There's a lot of phallic looking pottery.
6:25
That's what I'm doing.
6:27
Now, Zach, I'm looking at your show notes over here.
6:29
I see them on the table and you've got season two equals something.
6:35
Evan, what does that say?
6:37
What does season two equal on these notes?
6:39
Taylor, we push this over to you so you can see it.
6:41
I'm going to put that on there.
6:43
Why are you using a magnifying glass?
6:45
You wrote this so small.
6:47
You wrote it in like point two font.
6:49
Somehow did Times New Roman also?
6:52
It's almost impressive.
6:54
But what it says here is, scene two, or sexual scene from ghost.
7:01
Season two equals sexual scene from ghost.
7:06
Do you think he's Swayze?
7:08
Honestly, I think we are Swayze at this point.
7:13
I feel like I'm having a stroke right now because all the words you just said make sense,
7:18
but not in the order that you set up.
7:20
What are y'all talking about?
7:22
The pottery scene from ghost.
7:24
I don't think I'm familiar with that.
7:27
Is it Demi Moore?
7:29
Is that the one where he comes around her?
7:31
Yeah.
7:33
They did that in the community, right?
7:36
Yeah.
7:38
That's why it's more mainstream.
7:41
I see.
7:43
I'm hoping one of y'all will do that with me.
7:45
I think we're going to take turns.
7:47
I made an eye contact with Alan right there.
7:50
I think we just decided that...
7:52
Alan will go, Alan will go, Alan will go.
7:55
Just back and forth between...
7:57
We'll sort of tag team it.
7:59
Until we're all satisfied.
8:01
Until something's so lindrical.
8:05
Just on that pottery wheel.
8:07
We will iron out some pottery in season two.
8:11
We don't want to take pottery away from the Navajo Indians.
8:17
They can still do it.
8:19
We're just going to probably do it better.
8:22
There are some Navajo listeners going, wiping their brow.
8:26
They were nervous.
8:28
We're not coming for your mark.
8:31
We're not colonizing their activity.
8:33
We already took your land. We can't take your pottery.
8:35
I think the government has said that.
8:37
So...
8:39
Welcome to season two of questionable detour.
8:42
Let's do a hypothetical.
8:44
Dave, can I pose a somewhat abstract, purely hypothetical question?
8:49
I guess I want to apologize for asking a hypothetical question.
8:52
Well, that's a hypothetical question.
8:55
So let me set a scene for y'all.
8:57
I applied for, interviewed, and got a new job.
9:02
On Monday, my first day on the job, I get to this establishment.
9:07
The manager welcomes me, shows me to my cubicle.
9:12
My place of work, my little piece of work heaven.
9:17
I walk into the cubicle and I see you boys in there.
9:21
Y'all over there in a corner, tapping on a computer.
9:25
Are we in the same cube?
9:26
We're in the same cube.
9:28
We are cubet buddies.
9:31
How do y'all welcome me to the cube?
9:36
What are y'all like in a work environment, in a shared cubicle?
9:41
I'm going to give my answer here, boys.
9:43
And again, I want to set the standard in season two.
9:45
I'm very serious, so please don't laugh.
9:47
Please don't make jokes about this.
9:49
I'm very serious about whatever I say now.
9:51
From here on out.
9:52
I don't think I could hate Evan more.
9:54
That's what I'm talking about. Don't talk like that.
9:58
No jokes, no jokes.
10:00
For me, the first thing I do when all newbies, new hires,
10:04
walks up behind me, introduces themselves,
10:07
and I shake their hand and say, hey, I'm Evan.
10:09
Do you turn around first?
10:10
No, I just do it behind my head.
10:12
That's what a serious guy who's serious about his job would do.
10:15
I'm doing my work.
10:16
You're not going to interrupt me for this trivial introduction.
10:19
So anyway, I introduce myself, and then I introduce my pet raccoon
10:24
that is in office with me.
10:26
You have a pet raccoon?
10:27
He's more of a companion than a pet, but yeah, his name's Ricky.
10:31
He has colon cancer.
10:38
And you don't think Ricky should be maybe seeing a vet?
10:42
You think he's just going to live out his days as that cancer eats
10:46
the inside of his body within the cube?
10:48
Ricky has made his choice, and I've made it for him.
10:51
He's lived a good life.
10:54
He's lived a good life so far.
10:56
And all six months of it.
10:59
And I think why fight that if that's what God has given you?
11:04
It has passed your way.
11:06
If that's the hand you were dealt with.
11:08
Wait, just accept that.
11:09
God's given you as in you're speaking for Ricky and the colon cancer,
11:12
or God's given you a cancer-filled raccoon?
11:15
Really both.
11:17
A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush in that situation.
11:19
How much is a cancer-ridden raccoon worth?
11:21
Priceless.
11:23
I don't think I can get rid of them at this point.
11:25
It's because nobody's buying them.
11:27
Yeah, nobody wants something that's really clutching at the jaws of death.
11:31
People have said before that having a cancer-ridden raccoon
11:36
is just sort of a money pit.
11:39
Because they're absolutely 100% free.
11:42
But they cost you countless, countless dollars.
11:48
The vet bills really start to pile up.
11:50
Oh, okay, you do take them to the vet.
11:52
I was worried about that.
11:53
Of course, but we don't address the cancer.
11:55
We kind of just look past that.
11:57
Kind of like when you're a father and you have a kid that maybe has ADHD or autism,
12:00
and you kind of just brush it under the rug because you're a little embarrassed.
12:03
Yeah, you don't want to think about it.
12:05
He's probably fine. He'll grow out of it.
12:07
Yeah, that's what I'm doing with Ricky.
12:09
He'll grow out of this.
12:10
His cancer is a phase.
12:12
Or the cancer will grow into him.
12:14
Either way, I have a pet raccoon.
12:16
If he's controlled by cancer, sure.
12:19
Wait, you just...
12:21
Ricky, Ricky the raccoon is dead or alive.
12:23
You're just like, I have him.
12:24
Well, I have him while he's alive.
12:26
What happens if he dies? When he dies?
12:28
He'll have a Viking funeral.
12:30
Oh, cool.
12:31
I'll send him out into a raft onto a local pond.
12:33
Just like a retention pond in front of office depot.
12:36
It's a sewage pond.
12:38
It doesn't matter what's in the water.
12:40
It matters what's floating on top of it.
12:43
And that's Ricky, who's lived a good raccoon life.
12:46
Theburi and...
12:47
Locked in your cubicle.
12:49
Yeah. He does some light B&E's on the side.
12:52
But that's just raccoon behavior.
12:54
Sounds like he deserves cancer.
12:56
I don't know if you can say that about a man's pet raccoon.
13:00
Are you a little upset?
13:02
Yeah, that's a struck a nerve.
13:04
It's a touchy subject.
13:06
So when Ricky goes, hopefully it's peaceful.
13:10
I have a good feeling it's probably not.
13:12
Oh, you're talking about Gozas and death.
13:14
Gozas and like...
13:15
He's on like a unicycle juggling.
13:18
That would not be peaceful. That would be very cool.
13:21
When you're a raccoon that can develop colon cancer at the rate that he does,
13:27
anyone should honor that.
13:29
I think that makes sense.
13:31
How did he get colon cancer?
13:33
Usually cancer may tend to be an environmental factor to it.
13:37
What has happened in Ricky's life and your life that gave him colon cancer?
13:42
Ricky, and I hate to say this,
13:44
but Ricky was exposed to just an unnatural amount of radiation
13:49
from the many x-rays I would have to do on him.
13:54
From my own studies.
13:57
You're just...
13:59
Was it an actual x-ray machine?
14:01
It was an actual x-ray machine,
14:03
but it was like one of those that you get at the dentist
14:05
where you kind of just like can swivel it around and take a small picture.
14:08
You're like shooting like a World War II AA gun or shooting at a plane.
14:12
Yeah.
14:14
So were you sneaking him into a dentist's office?
14:18
I don't know.
14:20
I'm kind of wondering how you get your hands on this very specific x-ray machine.
14:23
Are you afraid that his bones might not be there?
14:27
Do you have like a weird fear that his bones will disappear
14:30
so you're always just kind of making sure they're there?
14:32
I think Evan thinks that all animals are puppets.
14:35
So he needed to prove that to himself.
14:37
He's like, where's the hand?
14:39
Where's the hand?
14:41
He's like, where's Jim Henson?
14:44
I know he's in here somewhere.
14:47
Yeah, and I don't want y'all to get any funny ideas
14:50
by the fact that he got colon cancer from these x-rays.
14:53
Like the radiation was just pointed specifically at his colon.
14:58
He has a very weird angle.
15:01
I do want to debunk that myth before I get...
15:04
I think when you see an animal,
15:07
you want to make sure that whatever is supposed to be inside of them
15:11
is inside of them.
15:13
Because you see those videos of the tapeworms or the parasites
15:16
that'll take over an animal's body,
15:18
and then it'll be the thing controlling the body
15:20
because it's weaseled its way into its brain.
15:23
It's kind of like a president.
15:25
Which, if the listeners didn't know,
15:29
all US presidents are controlled by a parasite that lives within their brain.
15:34
Do they get that when they're sworn into office?
15:37
Because this is kind of news to me.
15:39
I wasn't aware of this.
15:41
I didn't realize where this was a conspiracy podcast.
15:43
It's not a conspiracy, it's factual.
15:45
And the Chinese government is planning these within the leader's brain.
15:52
But I won't get off on that today.
15:55
Not gross.
15:57
You'd normally get off of that.
16:00
Talking about a Jaina.
16:03
I'm not going to bring political theory on to this platform right now.
16:10
Let's get back to the serious subject about you giving your raccoon colon cancer
16:14
by giving them excess amount of x-rays.
16:16
I appreciate you guys not making jokes about this.
16:19
Absolutely. This is solemn.
16:21
This is very serious.
16:23
Just toying.
16:26
Getting really choked up about Raymond or whatever his name is.
16:30
What was his name?
16:34
Ricky.
16:36
Where were we?
16:38
I get so choked up.
16:40
I think you were talking about why you give him so many x-rays.
16:42
You're looking for the Jim Henson puppet hand.
16:46
You're afraid that he might have parasites.
16:49
Maybe you've been using him as a weird carrying purse type situation.
16:54
You're just making sure the valuables were still within him.
16:57
I don't really know.
16:59
No, that's my suggestion.
17:02
Sure. All that sounds like valid reasons to me.
17:06
Do you guys think that those are not good reasons to scan your pets?
17:10
Have you scanned your companions lately?
17:12
I actually haven't. I haven't done anything.
17:14
I feel like a sorry owner.
17:16
You wouldn't know what's in there. That's all I got to say.
17:19
You know what's in there.
17:20
I know what's in there at all times.
17:22
So inevitably when Ricky dies,
17:25
Bless his soul.
17:27
Bless him.
17:29
Do you plan on turning his fur and tail into a raccoon hat
17:33
and develop sort of a Daniel Boone persona?
17:36
I've thought about that.
17:38
Just having a cancer-ridden carcass right on your scalp.
17:41
Exactly. There's nothing like the warmth of...
17:44
You're going to keep it warm?
17:46
Well, fur is warm in and of itself. It's an insulation insulator.
17:51
The warmth of fur that has been on a body that has just been destroyed by a disease like cancer,
18:00
there's not a greater warmth than that.
18:02
Just think of all the fights that were going on in that body.
18:05
All the warmth in there.
18:07
That's just going to heat up that raccoon hat even more.
18:10
Is it true that the radiation will keep it warm long after the body is dead?
18:13
Oh, definitely.
18:15
And that's kind of why I like it too.
18:17
The radiation just adds to the heat factor of it.
18:21
Maybe there's some transfer there and I'll start to grow a third arm like I need.
18:26
You're just going to develop brain cancer.
18:29
Do you have his x-rays, the copies of his x-rays up around your cubicle?
18:34
I have some on me right now too.
18:36
Let's see what these x-rays look like.
18:40
This is one from yesterday.
18:44
Oh, in fact, he has colon cancer. You didn't stop the x-rays.
18:48
Well, no.
18:49
You've been blasting those waves right into him.
18:51
You got to make sure it's still there.
18:53
Okay, let's see. Look at this x-ray. I'm holding it up to the light.
18:57
Zach, is that an unspooled tape measure?
19:01
Just slicing Ricky's insides.
19:04
It's like Evan was trying to measure the depth of a hole and he just kept...
19:10
He was like, man, this thing is deep and he just kept pushing it in there.
19:14
He just feed it down and you just kind of got lost.
19:18
That's kind of weird. What's the next one here?
19:20
Go ahead and give us the next one.
19:22
Let me just say about the tape measure.
19:24
I feel like I got to defend myself here because you all were looking at me a little weird in the spirit of seriousness.
19:29
I'm a man of adventure and so I just got to make sure how deep is a hole.
19:34
Here's the next one.
19:36
I'm going to explain to you. Let's see here.
19:40
This one looks like you have set up the Battle of the Bulge with armymen in here.
19:47
Two sides, just armymen fighting at each other.
19:52
I'm also a man of history.
19:55
Whenever I'm given a platform to recreate a fantastic battle, why not do it?
20:01
And memorialize it within Ricky.
20:04
This next one? Oh, okay. This one has a picture of you and Ricky just inside of him.
20:10
You and him hugging on each other in front of a tree.
20:14
You just stuffed a picture of you inside of him.
20:17
I was like, what does this mean? Am I literally inside of Ricky?
20:21
No, no, just a picture of you.
20:23
Yeah, well, that was Christmas. Everybody gets cards.
20:27
I had to send them out.
20:29
I was worried that you thought that was how people were given memories.
20:33
By sticking pictures into their mouth.
20:37
I bet if family gatherings, it's a weird situation for you and you're like just bent an over and blanked.
20:42
I need to remember this.
20:44
Give me a memory.
20:46
Pass a memory on.
20:48
You want to do a quick explanation of the picture, the selfie that's...
20:52
Well, that's, like I said, that was the Christmas card and I had to make sure Ricky got his.
20:57
Ricky got his.
20:59
You're going to just give it to him?
21:01
You gave it to him.
21:03
He's so just forgetful. He loses everything. He's pretty irresponsible.
21:07
He doesn't have pockets, right?
21:09
Right.
21:11
Grimy little hands. But I will say there's more where these came from, these X-rays.
21:15
Oh, OK. I bet.
21:17
And they are plastered entirely along the walls of my cubicle.
21:20
Alan's seen them.
21:22
And of course, they're over the monitor of the new co-workers.
21:26
I have to take a couple of those down, but I'll leave them in the background on the wall for them.
21:30
So you can see, you know, the adventures me and Ricky go on.
21:33
Well, I think it sums it up is that you're going to welcome your co-worker well by adjusting your life so they fit in well.
21:38
You're very selfless.
21:40
Exactly. That's what I was trying to say the entire time.
21:42
That's where all this came back to is that you will welcome them and let them have their space.
21:47
Zach, he really is a serious guy.
21:49
He has turned a new leaf. He has really misjudged him.
21:53
Well, that's what I'm about now. Just serious.
21:55
Well, look out for us, oh, bitch, where? Because I know you're going to put it in the paper.
21:58
Yeah, of course.
22:00
All right, Alan, you're tip-tapping away, getting work done.
22:03
What do you do? What do you do when a new co-worker enters into your shared cubicle?
22:08
So one of the great things about sharing a workspace with somebody is kind of getting in the same patterns as them.
22:15
And one of the patterns that I've developed is being healthy and hydrated.
22:20
Good, good.
22:21
I think it really improves my workflow and my health.
22:25
So I'm going to make sure that my co-worker is also hydrated.
22:28
Accountability, right? Accountability is great.
22:31
Yeah, so probably every three and a half minutes or so, I'm going to just pour water down my co-worker's throat.
22:39
It's good. I think it's good.
22:44
I've got a series of PVC pipes that are flowing from a cistern on the roof.
22:51
I'm collecting rainwater. I am draining rainwater from the roof through these pipes to my cube.
22:58
You're so afraid that your co-worker might not get the thousands of gallons of water that you're planning on giving him.
23:04
They're going to need it.
23:06
I imagine you have this pipe system coming down from the roof and it looks like a hamster, like water.
23:13
You know, those bottles with the little pipe that comes in the hamster is kind of gnawing on it.
23:18
I assume it's kind of like that?
23:20
Pretty much, yeah. We do really sort of fashion a nipple-esque into the pipe, just so that you can really get that water draining through to you better.
23:31
So are you drinking the water? Is it just him?
23:33
Well, we're both drinking it.
23:35
At the same time?
23:36
At the same time, different spouts.
23:39
Okay, okay.
23:40
So we want to be on the same page. I think it's good that we're sort of taking our breaks at the same time and we get water.
23:46
That way we can kind of maybe discuss work while we're at the water fountain there.
23:50
Talk about what we're going to do when we get back in three and a half minutes.
23:54
It seems like you're going to plan out every part of your co-worker's day.
23:59
Yeah, they're not going to have a lot of free time.
24:01
I've scheduled all their meetings.
24:05
I've scheduled all of their water breaks as meetings.
24:09
So nobody can book them throughout the day because they just have to take so many breaks.
24:14
I do want to ask you, just because I have a picture in my head and I want to make sure, you know...
24:18
Isn't it an x-ray picture?
24:20
I can put one.
24:22
But my question for you, you don't put like a towel over their face or anything for you to do this, right?
24:27
Is there something like wrong with that?
24:30
When he heard water board, he assumed it was like a board meeting, like very business.
24:34
So he was like a water board. He's like, oh, okay, we'll do that.
24:37
That, you know, runs parallel with business and commerce.
24:40
My hands are tied at this point.
24:42
Their hands are tied too.
24:44
I have to bring the towel in at that point.
24:47
That makes sense because you are controlling their lives at this point.
24:50
Yeah, after all, they are my cubicle mates.
24:52
Yeah, you say all the time, your life is in my hands.
24:56
Yeah, literally.
24:58
Because your hands are around the throat.
25:00
I usually say that to most people as I come up, you know, directly behind them and put my hands on their throat.
25:05
Right, right.
25:07
You say that under your breath as you point a loaded gun at somebody in the front of the bushes.
25:11
You would give them the power.
25:13
You would give them the power at the attention that you get when you do that.
25:16
Yeah.
25:18
You're just off in the distance going, oh, I could do it.
25:22
Just one pull of this.
25:24
Triggering power.
25:26
You're just, you're gone.
25:28
Normal. Let's just say this is all normal.
25:30
Do you maybe, as you put the towel over their head and, you know, that seems kind of relaxing, right?
25:37
A little hot steamed towel over their head.
25:39
Yeah, spa time.
25:41
You know, then start pouring water over that towel, you know, making sure they're hydrated.
25:44
Do you then maybe ask them questions that you might want to figure out?
25:49
Like maybe how much they're loving this cubicle situation?
25:53
There are some questions that you don't really get answers to unless you're in a scenario like that.
25:59
Right, right.
26:01
So, yeah, I do begin to ask them questions.
26:03
Most of the time we get answers, but if we don't, there is another step that we can take.
26:09
Now, who is we?
26:11
Yeah.
26:12
We is myself and my other co-worker, Kevin James.
26:18
Is this the chubby king of Queens, Kevin James?
26:23
That's it.
26:24
Yeah, Kevin James.
26:25
Okay, you're implicating him in this.
26:27
Star of a mall cop and mall cop too.
26:30
Yeah, so you and Kevin James, which I'm sure is real.
26:33
Yeah, 100%.
26:35
When he's not filming a Sandler movie, which is like twice a year, I mean, he's at work with me.
26:40
Okay.
26:41
What questions are you gathering from this co-worker as you quote unquote hydrate him?
26:48
We say things like, where are they?
26:52
How are they getting in?
26:54
Yeah, are these just kind of a question list that you go off of or is there something you're actually looking for?
26:59
Something that me and KJ found is if you ask questions, if you ask enough questions in the right scenario, you'll get answers and you won't even realize that you needed them.
27:11
We don't even get specific.
27:13
We just say, where are they?
27:15
How'd they get in there?
27:16
And he'll tell us stuff that we didn't even need to know.
27:19
So you'll just take any answer.
27:21
Okay, so let's say Evan is a new co-worker.
27:24
He's got the shiny new name tag.
27:26
He's sitting over there on his side of the cubicle.
27:29
You run the scenario where you trap him.
27:32
You put your wet pruned hands around his neck.
27:37
You tie him up.
27:38
You and, you know, they're totally real.
27:40
Kevin James.
27:41
It's totally there.
27:42
You start to go through the business situation of waterboarding him.
27:48
Water onboarding.
27:49
Yeah, water.
27:50
There you go.
27:51
Water onboarding.
27:52
I can tell your professional.
27:53
From the HR process.
27:54
So go ahead and ask him a question.
27:56
I kind of want to see the scenario play out and how this works.
28:00
All right, Evan, are you comfortable?
28:02
Yeah, I mean, the towel on my face is a little weird choice, but...
28:11
You're accepting of this?
28:13
I mean, I'm new here, so I don't know the ropes yet.
28:17
Yeah, you seem into it.
28:19
So why don't you just tell me where they're at?
28:22
Where do you mean?
28:24
Where who?
28:25
Where who's at?
28:26
Just don't play dumb.
28:27
Just got here.
28:28
Look, we know you know where they're at, and we're not going to take no for an answer.
28:32
I'm really confused right now.
28:34
Are the snacks or what are we looking for?
28:36
Oh, now we're talking.
28:39
So you do know about them.
28:40
Wait, have you started waterboarding him yet or did you just have a towel over his head?
28:44
Well, right now we just put the towel over his head and then see how far we can go and
28:50
then we water on board.
28:51
So far, he's just letting out the secrets he is.
28:54
We're eating at the torturer.
28:55
I can't even see right now.
28:57
I'm just trying to figure out what's really happening in my peripheral right now.
29:02
Is that Kevin James?
29:04
Did I just see Kevin James?
29:08
Yeah, he has a second job, you know?
29:11
That's interesting.
29:12
But yeah, back to the snacks.
29:14
I honestly have no idea.
29:16
Again, I just got here.
29:17
I just walked through HR.
29:19
They gave me this badge.
29:20
Do you think that we're going to believe that?
29:23
I would hope so.
29:25
Why don't you tell me where you got him from?
29:28
Again, fresh, the lamination is still hot on this badge right now.
29:33
All right, well, we're going to go all grown-ups three on you.
29:36
Kevin, bring in the water.
29:38
The water?
29:39
But yeah, that's pretty much how it would play out, I guess.
29:41
Evan's very calm.
29:43
I think if you got a more sane person, I think this would be a little more track.
29:48
This is just a Monday friend.
29:50
Evan's just happy to have human interaction.
29:52
Yeah.
29:53
I'm sure he'd do my job, very serious.
29:55
But basically, yeah, we just kind of keep him hydrated, an insane amount.
30:00
And then whenever we need to know something, we use a little water on boarding to get the information out of him.
30:05
But I do think that's important because who would want to share a cubicle with somebody
30:10
you don't know what they'll do when their life is on the line?
30:13
You got to push them to limit to trust them.
30:16
Exactly.
30:17
And then you can share the national secrets, you know.
30:19
100%.
30:20
Yeah.
30:21
And after a couple weeks of this, once we know each other's secrets, or at least I know his secrets,
30:26
he doesn't know mine, we'll probably start calling each other brother.
30:30
Just referring to each other like that because we're close.
30:33
Putting four heads together.
30:34
Yeah, we do that kind of hug.
30:36
Very intimate moment.
30:38
Like you look thirsty.
30:40
Very good.
30:41
Very welcoming.
30:42
Again, very welcoming, what everybody wants to walk into, an outdated torture method.
30:48
All right, good deal.
30:50
So here is what I do if, hypothetically, somebody a new hire would walk into my shared cubicle.
30:58
Despite, so they walk in, they sit down, I introduce myself, I slowly start getting a Russian accent.
31:07
I thought you said an erection.
31:09
I'm sorry.
31:10
You started that.
31:12
I slowly get an erection.
31:14
Slowly get an erection.
31:16
Sorry, sorry.
31:19
I'm just happy, I'm just happy to be in no shot of somebody, but slowly.
31:25
Not quickly.
31:26
Testosterone's running low.
31:29
No, I slowly start getting a Russian accent to the point where I start, you know, I have a normal American accent.
31:39
As we continue to have conversation, he's like, or she, women can be in the work before these days.
31:45
They're like, did you say that word in a weird accent?
31:50
They're thinking that to themselves.
31:52
And we continue throughout the day.
31:54
All of a sudden I go from just saying every fourth word in a Russian accent to speaking in a complete Russian accent to speaking complete Russian.
32:03
Now I don't know Russian, so it's just gibber jabber jabber.
32:06
It is complete nonsense, but I start speaking in my version of a Russian accent.
32:11
Well, all of a sudden I put on a Soviet Union military uniform.
32:17
It's wool.
32:18
I'm sweating.
32:20
The boots knee high, I think I don't know what a Russian uniform looks like.
32:24
The red, the classic red star with the hammer and sickle on my shoulder.
32:31
I'm speaking Russian to start yelling.
32:33
The lights grow dim.
32:35
It's in a red light.
32:36
Spinning light appears on the side of our cubicle before he or she knows it, before they know it.
32:42
All of a sudden we're in a hunt for red October type World War II submarine.
32:48
It's dark.
32:49
Their, their levers have appeared on the side.
32:52
I'm yanking on them.
32:53
They don't, they don't do anything, but I'm yanking on them.
32:56
I'm screaming out to the, to my new cube mate, Russian commands.
33:01
Cause we, all of a sudden we found ourselves in battle with, with our enemy.
33:05
20,000 leagues under the sea.
33:07
All of a sudden the red lights start appearing.
33:09
They're spinning.
33:10
That, that classic alarm goes, submarine alarm goes off.
33:14
We're diving.
33:15
We're going 23, 20,000 leagues under, 23,000 leagues under the sea.
33:20
We're one upping everybody or one downing everybody.
33:23
We're in, we're in battle mode.
33:25
I start giving commands.
33:27
I look at that.
33:28
The, the periscope comes down from the ceiling.
33:31
I'm looking out into the dark abyss.
33:33
It's just over of the other cubicles.
33:36
In the distance, I see a little American flag pop out of cubicle.
33:40
A few down.
33:42
I see the American submarine.
33:44
I start yelling out commands, loading up the torpedoes.
33:48
I say, splash one.
33:50
I think that's what submarine people say.
33:54
But of course it's in my gibber javel Russian accent.
33:56
This cube, my new cubemate frantically starts pulling on and pushing buttons.
34:00
Of course they don't do anything.
34:02
So I'm like, okay, that send it out.
34:04
Right?
34:05
That's it.
34:06
There's not a specific button or specific lever that sends the torpedo out.
34:09
But so anyone they press was going to be okay.
34:11
They send it out.
34:12
We sink that submarine.
34:14
My cubemate feels very accomplished for taking down a bogey.
34:17
All of a sudden we get some, we get another submarine on the radar.
34:20
It's a bigger, better submarine than what we have.
34:23
We go quiet.
34:24
It's dark.
34:25
We've turned off the engine so the other submarine can't hear us.
34:28
We understand that we're outgunned.
34:30
We're outmanned.
34:31
We're quiet.
34:32
All we can hear is the pressure creaking in the submarine.
34:35
We get hit.
34:36
They found us.
34:37
The whole submarine shakes.
34:43
I guess it's good for America.
34:46
God bless America.
34:47
So you're a terrorist in this situation?
34:49
I am.
34:50
I'm a commie.
34:51
I'm a communist.
34:52
So a terrorist?
34:53
Yeah.
34:54
I'm a communist within this capitalistic society, job that I have, you know?
34:58
Yeah.
34:59
Yeah.
35:00
But that gets, our submarine gets hit and starts shaking.
35:01
The other men are clutching the pictures of their loved ones, understanding they're
35:05
about to die in this deep water tomb.
35:08
I have, like much like Alan, have pipes rigged around our cubicle.
35:13
Water starts spraying in because we've been hit.
35:19
Multiple of the other Russian sailors are crying, knowing that they're going to breathe
35:23
their last breath.
35:25
And eventually the cube just kind of fills up and then I'm like, okay, we're done.
35:31
You just immediately go back to your American accent.
35:34
I just opened the door and the water just kind of drains out.
35:38
And like the other kind of Russian sailors that were playing, they just kind of leave.
35:41
They go back to their cubicles.
35:43
We wasted this.
35:44
Do you have these people trained?
35:45
Like, are they sleeper agents where you'd say one word in Russian and all of a sudden
35:49
the workers become your, your Russian crew?
35:52
Yeah, it's come on.
35:53
Let's play Russian submarine.
35:55
Okay.
35:56
Little on the nose.
35:57
All right.
35:58
And you know, it's like, it's like a fun game that we play.
36:02
Turn out all the lights on the floor.
36:04
Yeah.
36:05
And, you know, we're Americans.
36:07
So the Americans win.
36:08
I unfortunately picked the wrong side.
36:10
Is this just like a team building activity for you all?
36:13
Or why is this is, this is, we don't want to work.
36:16
So yeah, we just play cold war submarine.
36:21
Are there any like the office?
36:23
Yeah.
36:24
Are there any cubes that act as like aircraft carriers?
36:27
Sure.
36:28
Yeah.
36:29
There's definitely some, you know, there's different situations where we might come up
36:32
on an aircraft carrier and, you know, we just have a few people just throwing paper airplanes
36:36
out of the cube.
36:37
Sure.
36:38
You know, just to kind of give it that realism that we're all seeking.
36:41
We make it as realistic as possible.
36:42
And we have very realistic outfits.
36:46
The water is real.
36:47
And I think that's about it.
36:49
What a submarine is.
36:50
Yeah.
36:51
Outfits and water.
36:52
In water, yeah.
36:53
So you do this anytime you get a new coworker or is this just like a weekly thing that just
36:57
happened to get there?
36:58
I think the moment that the manager turns his back, we are just in cold war mode.
37:05
He is very mad at us because he just has to go to lunch and come back and we're just yelling
37:09
and throwing things at each other.
37:11
It's all wet.
37:13
Everything is wet.
37:14
Yeah.
37:15
That carpet never dries.
37:16
Yeah.
37:17
It's like walking on a sponge.
37:19
So you mentioned the irony of, you know, being communists in a capitalist society.
37:25
Is there any metaphor you're trying to play out there with, you know, trying to signal
37:29
to the rest of the office that the commies are all that the commies are in all of us.
37:34
The commie could be in a cubicle right next to you.
37:38
And if you find one, you need to execute them or they'll call me all over you.
37:44
Is that where the phrase no cap comes from?
37:47
No capital.
37:48
No capitalism.
37:49
That's what we say in our submarine.
37:51
You greet each other with no cap.
37:53
No cap.
37:54
Yeah.
37:55
But I mean, that's what I do.
37:59
I hope that kind of set a picture.
38:01
I really tried to.
38:02
I can see it.
38:03
Yeah.
38:04
I really, I mean, y'all are welcome to come.
38:06
I was in that submarine with you just during that story.
38:09
Yeah.
38:10
I don't want you in a submarine with me.
38:11
I don't want to be in it either.
38:12
It seems stressful.
38:13
But, you know, that's how we handle cubicles.
38:18
If you ever find yourselves in yourselves in our cubicle, don't be afraid.
38:23
We somebody might have a dying raccoon.
38:25
Come, come give me a knock.
38:29
One person might waterboard you.
38:32
Come on by a visit.
38:36
I guess I would trap you in a Cold War submarine that eventually sinks.
38:42
None of that is anxiety inducing.
38:45
You will have such a relaxing first day.
38:48
But as we continue, one of our season two resolutions is to be more well traveled, to
38:54
see the world, to explore, to have adventure.
38:57
And we are bringing you Saturday workers on that adventure with us.
39:01
So join us as we begin our travel show Detour Guides.
39:30
On the first episode of Detour Guides, the questionable detour crew journey to the ancient
39:34
country of Nepal, home to the world's largest mountain ranges and home to many people.
39:40
Join us and discover the world on this adventure of Detour Guides.
39:47
Anybody else's nipples, Trayton?
39:51
I think it's the altitude.
39:53
It's the altitude.
39:54
I think it's the altitude.
39:55
I'm having a hard time breathing because of the altitude.
39:59
And the mask.
40:00
Yeah.
40:01
I have the screen mask from the horror movie screen.
40:06
I thought this would be a good way to introduce ourselves to maybe an unreached people group
40:13
as just a couple of very pale figures just coming up on the mountain.
40:18
When it comes to the people of Nepal, what's scarier than a white face?
40:21
Yeah.
40:22
There's not much scary.
40:23
I mean, white faces have been terrorizing poor little villages for centuries now.
40:27
But we're not going to do that here.
40:29
I want to make that clear.
40:30
You're already terrorizing them because your nipples are bleeding.
40:32
You're not wearing a shirt or you're wearing just a cowboy vest.
40:38
Just kind of like a leather with tethatassals.
40:41
You look like a punctured lifeblood bag.
40:47
That's a thick vest too.
40:49
It's bleeding through even that.
40:51
Did not sand the interior of this either.
40:53
It's just pure leather, just chips, just all on my nipples right now.
40:58
This is a bad choice.
40:59
I will say that.
41:00
I'll go ahead and admit my mistakes on this one.
41:02
Yeah.
41:03
I mean, we're new to traveling.
41:06
I think it's all right to make some mistakes.
41:08
I do want to say it's a little bit on y'all for encouraging me telling me I look good
41:11
in it.
41:12
But that's...
41:13
You do look good in it.
41:14
I didn't realize your nipples were as sensitive as a newborn baby's forehead.
41:18
My nipples are more like leather than silk.
41:21
They are tan.
41:24
Leather on leather does nothing.
41:27
They look like the same material that his vest is made out of.
41:31
Why are your nipples out?
41:32
Should I take off my shirt?
41:35
Fresh air, baby.
41:36
Fresh air.
41:37
It is very cold.
41:41
We are in the Himalaya Mountains right now.
41:42
Well, it's like we were talking about on the plane ride over here is we thought the country
41:47
was called Nipple.
41:48
Ah, yeah.
41:49
We misread it on the map.
41:51
We thought, why not start our tour out on a country called Nipple?
41:56
We almost went to that country in Africa called Niger.
41:59
We read that one wrong too.
42:01
We chose Nipple instead.
42:05
We might just go to Niger.
42:08
I'm glad we figured out what that was called.
42:11
Yeah.
42:12
That could have gotten us into hot water.
42:14
Yeah.
42:15
We would have gotten some looks for sure.
42:16
Yeah, we would have.
42:18
But can we also give ourselves pass on the back for getting over here without spending
42:23
$1 on a plane ticket?
42:24
Oh, 100%.
42:25
Yeah.
42:26
I mean, there's nothing like the pressure of a cargo hold.
42:31
It really gets you ready for the light altitude that we're feeling right now.
42:35
That's right.
42:36
That's right.
42:37
It was just a test flight, if you will.
42:38
Now, Alan, what did you find in those people's bags that you were rummaging through as we
42:43
were just about people's luggage?
42:45
Yeah, I just I found a bunch of pickaxes of different sizes.
42:49
Okay, yeah.
42:50
So, I don't know if they were going to use those for climbing in the Himalayas or if
42:55
they were acting in a gold mine related play.
42:59
But you took them.
43:00
Well, of course I took them.
43:03
Yeah.
43:04
So, for whatever they were, you're going to be used for.
43:05
They're inconvenienced.
43:06
Yeah.
43:07
It could have been talking dwarves being called to the mountains.
43:10
Yeah, definitely so.
43:11
Evan, did you find anything while we were rummaging through?
43:13
I mean, we didn't bring suits.
43:15
We didn't prepare for this at all.
43:17
So, we were kind of happy that we found other people's luggage to kind of rummage through.
43:22
And we did bring shirts.
43:23
We're just not wearing them.
43:24
They're tighter on our waist.
43:26
Yeah.
43:27
And I only brought the cowboy vest, which again, hindsight, not a great idea.
43:31
But I did find, let me fill you in, nothing valuable.
43:36
Only some what do you call them?
43:37
Light gold bars?
43:38
Just gold.
43:39
Hordes of cash.
43:40
Nothing you can use in the world.
43:41
Nothing you can use in the country of nipple.
43:44
Exactly.
43:45
Nothing we can really be useful to us.
43:47
What do you all think is valuable here if not cash and gold bars?
43:51
Don't they trade in sheep here?
43:53
I think we should go in and maybe find some sheep so that we can then rule these people.
44:00
Yeah.
44:01
I think sheep in wise words.
44:04
Their currency is prophetic sayings, I think.
44:07
We're just deciding that this is what these people do.
44:11
There's nothing like just three white men coming into a foreign country and immediately
44:14
wanting to control it.
44:17
We've rounded this peak here.
44:19
Now I see a bunch of people just doing yoga positions in this little valley here.
44:26
I didn't realize this is what nippolans do.
44:29
I didn't know they were so flexible.
44:31
First of all, I think it really shows us how rigid we are.
44:36
I like that I'm rigid.
44:37
I'm like a mast on a ship.
44:40
Just stiff.
44:41
Just stiff.
44:42
Just erect.
44:43
Just unbending.
44:44
As I walk down like a garacro because I can't bend my knees because of the arthritis.
44:54
It's acting up.
44:57
The mountains are a great place for somebody with arthritis.
45:00
Yeah, absolutely.
45:02
By arthritis, I mean arthritis.
45:05
Arthur is this person that is now tagging along with us and it's anitis because we want
45:10
him to go away.
45:11
He's just a pain.
45:13
He is a pain.
45:14
He has been twisting my nipples constantly.
45:17
I don't know.
45:18
We're all having nipple problems.
45:20
We're all having nipple problems before we had arthritis.
45:25
Now I have nipple problems.
45:27
I think he thinks he's going to get something from me.
45:30
I'm not going to give him anything.
45:32
Arthur tried to twist my nipples but due to the leathery consistency, I didn't even feel
45:37
them.
45:38
My nipples were bleeding before arthritis.
45:40
They're bleeding worse now after arthritis.
45:44
Arthritis is kind of following us around like a smeagle type character.
45:47
Just kind of behind us like saying weird.
45:49
We don't know.
45:50
We don't speak the language.
45:51
Oh, Arthur is.
45:52
You think Arthur is from Nepal?
45:53
I don't know.
45:54
He was not on the plane with us and now he's just following us.
45:58
Arthur just seems like a very Anglo name.
46:02
But I got to say Arthur doesn't seem like a yoga type person.
46:05
He doesn't.
46:06
I don't seem like a yoga type person either.
46:09
That's fine.
46:10
But these people look like they could convince me.
46:13
I think we should try it out just in the effort to get rid of Arthur.
46:16
Maybe this can be the activity that just gets rid of him once and for all.
46:23
I don't know.
46:24
We were hitting them with two by fours and that wasn't getting rid of them.
46:26
I can't imagine this would be the activity.
46:28
Listen, you never know until you try.
46:31
And with Arthur, it's all about just not wanting to do yoga.
46:35
I can tell just by looking at him.
46:37
He doesn't want to do yoga.
46:39
I turned around and looked at him.
46:40
He looks like a pug.
46:43
He's looking at these people doing yoga down here and he's just.
46:46
Is he looking at them?
46:47
He's looking three different directions.
46:48
Yeah, I was going to say his eyes are just a puzzle within themselves.
46:54
But somehow he's looking north and south with them.
46:57
I know it's a very confusing eye situation.
47:00
I think we take the chance and we do some yoga here.
47:02
Okay.
47:03
Are we done beating him with two by fours?
47:06
I think so.
47:07
It's gotten us nowhere.
47:08
Yeah.
47:09
Nipples are still bleeding.
47:11
It relieved my stress.
47:12
I didn't.
47:13
I don't even need a fidget spinner.
47:14
I just want to beat a possibly handicapped foreigner.
47:17
I'm going to need to do some yoga.
47:18
I think.
47:19
Okay.
47:20
Get the stress out.
47:21
Alan's always trying to do yoga.
47:24
All right, well, let's kind of just, should we just enter into this group of people doing
47:28
yoga and not say anything?
47:29
I think it's good to introduce yourself.
47:31
So what I'll do is we'll fold Alan into a ball and kind of just roll him into it.
47:36
Okay.
47:37
Okay.
47:38
You want to fold him into a ball.
47:39
Roll him into a ball as well.
47:40
Okay.
47:41
Okay.
47:42
Okay.
47:43
Is it okay if I roll myself into a ball or do you have to do it?
47:44
Again, the flexibility is not here in this group.
47:46
So getting you into a ball may be real.
47:48
I think we're really the most wrecked people I know of.
47:51
You'll need assistance.
47:52
Not that I want to do it, but logically you need it.
47:56
And we're just going to roll him into the group of people.
47:59
Just kind of knock down some pins.
48:01
Maybe it's a little bowling lane situation.
48:03
And then once he hits a couple of people over, he's like, hey, we're here.
48:07
Oh, he's going to pop out like an armadillo.
48:09
Yeah, talk about an introduction.
48:11
And we're just going to walk up behind him.
48:13
Yeah.
48:14
He's making the entrance and we're here to follow up.
48:17
Yeah.
48:18
So that's probably the most important thing about introducing yourself.
48:21
It's not the personality that follows.
48:23
It's what they see initially when they see you.
48:26
That's why I always pull out a knife when I introduce myself.
48:28
Yeah.
48:29
Yeah.
48:30
But that's also because you wanted people to start calling you Blade.
48:33
That is true.
48:34
Blade's a great name.
48:35
I haven't quite gotten people to call me that.
48:38
Maybe this group will start calling you that.
48:40
Okay.
48:41
Well, okay, you convinced me.
48:42
Let's go down there.
48:43
I guess we're just going to push Allen down the hill.
48:46
Yeah.
48:47
Okay.
48:48
Let me just try and get all as rolled up as I can.
48:51
Okay.
48:52
Here we go.
48:53
All right.
48:54
This is not rolled.
48:55
He's just kind of full.
48:56
His legs are out straight, but his back is bent a little bit.
48:58
He's not bending.
48:59
Yeah.
49:00
And then when I try to bend his knees, they crackle.
49:03
It doesn't sound good.
49:06
It sounds like I'm breaking a chopstick.
49:09
Yeah.
49:10
His legs are stiffer than the two by four we were just hitting Arthur with.
49:13
Okay.
49:14
Just a brittle, brittle man.
49:15
All right.
49:16
I think Arthur's over there just drool and looking at a bird in the tree.
49:19
All right.
49:20
Okay.
49:21
Here we go.
49:22
All right.
49:23
I'm going to push him.
49:24
He's not rolling.
49:25
He's just sliding down the hill.
49:27
There's enough slope here.
49:28
He'll get down.
49:29
It's going to take a minute though.
49:31
We'll wait.
49:32
I will wait.
49:33
Okay.
49:34
So what you've been up to?
49:35
God, he is taking his time.
49:36
I don't want to have a small talk with you.
49:37
You want a small talk?
49:38
We've been on a plane together.
49:40
Weather is something up here.
49:41
Arthur's humping your leg.
49:42
Ow.
49:43
Oh, he hit.
49:44
He's there.
49:45
He hit that very rotund woman down there.
49:48
She didn't even notice him.
49:49
I didn't know there were fat people in the pool.
49:53
I kind of cushioned his fall though.
50:00
I mean, I mean, I mean, he yelled.
50:02
He yelled very loud.
50:03
I mean, this is hundreds of yards away at this point.
50:06
We should probably go down there.
50:07
Okay.
50:08
Let's go down there.
50:09
Are you just going to let you want to pick up Arthur?
50:11
I think it's best if we just kind of leave him and.
50:13
I'm kind of growing.
50:14
I'm growing attached to him.
50:15
I want to let him around.
50:16
Half the point of this yoga is to get rid of him.
50:19
Okay.
50:20
Okay.
50:21
Well, that's if he makes his way down, he makes his way.
50:23
Okay.
50:24
We'll just say that he's like a straight cat.
50:26
He'll follow us.
50:27
Don't get too attached.
50:28
All right.
50:29
Okay.
50:30
We're coming down now.
50:31
Alan, how was how was the fall?
50:32
You know, not great.
50:34
Most of the time when you're when you're moving, it's better to be in a round shape.
50:39
My body doesn't make it to round shapes.
50:41
So it was it was a rocky fall.
50:44
I think I've broken.
50:45
I don't know my wrist and both legs.
50:48
Yeah.
50:49
You're you're it's good that your knee is bending, but it's bending the opposite way
50:52
it needs to be.
50:53
I don't think this is what they what they're talking about when they're talking about yoga.
50:57
Yeah.
50:58
I'm going to start calling you old stork legs.
51:01
That's yeah.
51:02
That's that's a good one.
51:03
Now I we're having this conversation.
51:04
We have ruined these people.
51:06
They're all looking at us.
51:07
Just standing here looking at us.
51:08
We're in the center of about probably about what 25 people are here.
51:12
Yeah.
51:13
I thought yoga was all about being peaceful, but these guys they they do not look angry.
51:18
Like somebody just came in here and dusted up a storm.
51:21
Yeah.
51:22
I mean, they did.
51:23
They look what I would call instead of peaceful, more like a pistol.
51:26
They're full of piss.
51:27
Full of piss.
51:28
That's why I'm urinating right now.
51:31
Right on one of their mats.
51:33
Probably kill that stream.
51:36
I think we should let them get back to it here and maybe how about you so you show them
51:46
that we're one of them and you give me yoga position.
51:48
Here we go.
51:49
I will do a little downward dog.
51:51
Let me get on the oh my god.
51:56
Oh my god.
51:58
Instead of downward dogs, it sounds like he was giving somebody the downward haul.
52:13
That's not it.
52:14
I would agree with you.
52:15
It's not the downward dog.
52:16
It looks like the dog that has doubts.
52:20
Well, my back has never felt more stretched.
52:26
That noise you heard, we don't ever have to bring that up again.
52:29
I'm glad we weren't recording that.
52:31
Yeah.
52:32
Yeah.
52:33
It's for sure.
52:34
Okay.
52:35
Well, that didn't prove that we're a part of these people.
52:37
Is there another way that we can prove that we are not enemies?
52:41
Let me see.
52:42
Let me see what I can do.
52:43
I hope they speak English.
52:45
Do you think they speak English?
52:47
I do not.
52:48
I think we don't speak their language, so it's irrelevant completely.
52:51
Go ahead and stand up on the rock.
52:53
Let me get on this rock.
52:54
Can you put on those robes?
52:55
Take the robes off that old man over there.
52:57
Give me the robes.
52:58
Give me a mic and a speaker?
53:00
Or is that?
53:01
Oh, yeah.
53:02
It's not a mic.
53:03
It's a karaoke machine.
53:05
Okay.
53:06
I think that would work.
53:07
So, unfortunately, while you're talking, it's going to play Black Hole Sun by Sound
53:11
Garden.
53:12
I mean, there are worse things to have been played.
53:15
So, you know, go ahead and turn this on.
53:18
Okay.
53:19
If you feel like you need to just sing some lyrics, go ahead.
53:22
But you go ahead and announce that we come in peace.
53:26
Is this thing on?
53:27
All right.
53:28
He said he thought he could be a stand-up comedian.
53:34
Hello, Nepalese people.
53:37
How are we doing tonight?
53:38
Are we good?
53:39
All right.
53:40
I really thank you guys for coming out.
53:42
I hope you guys enjoy the show.
53:44
Just a few housekeeping notes.
53:46
Myself, Zach and Evan will be here tonight.
53:51
We're going to be doing a little bit of yoga with you guys.
53:55
Just keep doing your thing.
53:56
Just pretending we're not even here.
53:59
I mean, give us a little bit of attention because we sort of feed off of it.
54:04
But just other than that, just go about your day like it's just a normal day.
54:10
You know, maybe searching for food and not having electricity?
54:13
Definitely.
54:14
Yeah.
54:15
Okay.
54:16
This like a nomad.
54:17
I think that's how I think that's how you guys live.
54:19
We did research and culture before we came here.
54:22
So I'm sorry if we're miscommunicating it.
54:25
Yeah, but just do what you would normally do.
54:28
Except for food-wise, we have a strict diet.
54:31
We don't need Nepalese food.
54:34
Only Big Macs.
54:35
Only Big Macs.
54:36
So if you could send somebody down the mountain.
54:38
Alan, if you want to go to tell them, we do have Big Macs.
54:42
It is Arthur's big retarded sister.
54:45
Oh no.
54:46
Big Mac.
54:47
She has cankles and she has come to find a brother, but she is also going to seem like
54:52
she's going to be our travel companion.
54:55
Yeah, Big Mac is sort of like a, you know how in the Himalayas, going up Everest, you
55:01
have the locals of Sherpas to bring your goods up the mountain.
55:05
That's sort of what Big Mac is to us.
55:07
She's like a, she's our donkey, our pack mule.
55:11
Our pack mule, yeah.
55:12
But at the same time, a little bit of a spiritual leader for our group.
55:16
You're so spiritually stunted that you'll just take anybody's leadership with that.
55:20
I think it's important up here.
55:23
We're not from the country, so we might as well get some spiritual leadership from some
55:26
of us.
55:27
She does seem spiritual.
55:28
She's doing the humming thing that people often do when they're meditating, but I think
55:32
it's just her stimming.
55:34
Well she's got her hands over her ears also and she's shaking her head.
55:37
Yeah, rocking back and forth.
55:38
So yeah.
55:39
I'm afraid if she gets angry, she's going to charge somebody like Rhino from Spider-Man.
55:44
Hey, let me just ask you guys, because I know we're all thinking it.
55:47
Who do you think would win in a fight, Big Mac or Arthur?
55:49
Arthur's got a little ferocity to him.
55:51
Arthur looks like a chameleon.
55:53
So.
55:54
But he just, he seems like he would be kind of scrappy.
55:58
We have people here.
55:59
We have about 25 or so people.
56:01
Should we gather them in a circle, make these two people fight?
56:05
Place bets.
56:06
We'll take bets.
56:07
That's bet.
56:08
Evan, get out your green transparent visor and start collecting money from these locals.
56:13
We have been waiting to pop this guy on.
56:17
Where did you pull the visor from?
56:19
You're not wearing too many clothes.
56:20
I've been keeping it right here under my leather vest.
56:23
I have a pocket for my hats.
56:24
Yeah, it's not no longer transparent because of the blood.
56:28
Yeah.
56:29
It's.
56:30
The blood's running down your face.
56:31
It's fine.
56:32
We're looking crazier by the moment.
56:35
We haven't done any yoga yet either, which I think.
56:37
You did yoga?
56:38
You did the down downs.
56:39
I did.
56:40
I want to contribute.
56:41
I'll tell you what you can do since we've got this venture going of fighting Arthur
56:45
and Big Mac.
56:47
Maybe you could be the announcer in the middle of the ring.
56:50
I will be the announcer.
56:52
Okay.
56:53
Well, it's good we have the karaoke thing.
56:55
Yeah, I'll bring that here.
56:56
Here you go.
56:57
You can have that.
56:58
Thank you.
56:59
You just you put it down about 10 feet away from I'll grab it though.
57:02
Yeah, I'm not getting up to give it to you.
57:05
Why are you sitting down?
57:07
And why am I so far away from you?
57:09
This is a very you know, we're yelling your shot range.
57:13
You're yelling at each other from like we look like we're social distancing right now.
57:17
There's so much room on the mountain.
57:19
Why do we have to be that close?
57:20
It's a good point.
57:21
That's a good point.
57:22
I think that's the perspective that you gain on a mountain such as this.
57:25
I mean, we are we're wise now.
57:27
I think I already feel much wiser, especially with these people.
57:31
I'm not totally sure they're literate.
57:32
I mean, yeah, I think, you know, judging by what we have and what they have.
57:36
I mean, I think we could leave the mountain right now if it wouldn't for this fight and
57:40
we'd be just fine.
57:41
Yeah, I mean, this is this is kind of the main thing that's happening in our life.
57:44
Now I have a question for you all.
57:45
Can you force the people into a circle?
57:48
Here's a stick.
57:49
Just kind of start swatting.
57:50
I'm just smacking them like she's heard around like you're showing a pig.
57:54
Yeah.
57:55
Come back.
57:56
Come back.
57:57
You know, Evan, flip that CD around.
57:58
I see it's got black hole, black hole sun or black.
58:02
I see it's got black hole sun on the first side.
58:07
What's on the what's on the other side?
58:08
Oh, it's a CD.
58:09
Reverse sides like it's a record player.
58:12
Yeah, yeah, it only holds one song.
58:15
It's very false.
58:16
Anyway, I'm flipping this over.
58:19
So you'll be announcing this game to my heart will go on.
58:23
The classic adrenaline pumping song right from the hit movie Titanic.
58:28
Correct.
58:29
Yeah.
58:30
It's a complete for a fight.
58:32
The karaoke machine was your idea.
58:34
So kind of I just found out the plane.
58:37
I thought it was a good thing to bring.
58:38
That was what you found in the cargo hold.
58:40
Yeah.
58:41
Yeah.
58:42
You'll never ask me that question.
58:43
So I go to, you know, so all right, here we go.
58:45
So good job getting them in a circle.
58:47
It did not take a lot.
58:48
These people are very malleable.
58:50
They'll they will just let you do anything.
58:52
They are like the sheep that they heard.
58:55
Basically, I think they're more interested in what's going to happen.
58:58
I think they like fights.
59:01
I think they're so underestimated.
59:03
They act like they're all in a piece, but you know they're part of it.
59:07
They're all about watching.
59:10
So all right.
59:11
So here we go.
59:12
Welcome to the first annual grand those place in the Himalayas fight.
59:17
We have two siblings fighting one genetically mutated one genetically altered.
59:23
I'm not really sure which is which.
59:25
It's up for you to decide.
59:27
Okay, round one.
59:29
Do you want to go ahead and take that?
59:32
See the man Evan with the metal hat on?
59:34
Go ahead and hit him with a hammer for our ring bell.
59:37
All right, here we go.
59:38
Put him in a headlock, you know.
59:40
Anybody got anything?
59:41
I don't know.
59:42
I don't know.
59:43
Heavier than an advisor.
59:44
Oh, here is a ball peen hammer.
59:46
Oh, that's where did you find this?
59:48
It's on the plane.
59:50
You are just so resourceful.
59:51
We really should have asked him what he found.
59:53
Yeah.
59:54
So many better things.
59:55
Kind of offended.
59:56
I'm not really an expert.
59:57
Let me smack this guy.
1:00:00
We're off.
1:00:01
Oh, big man.
1:00:02
Immediately pick up Arthur and throw him off the cliff.
1:00:07
Wow.
1:00:08
That was very quick.
1:00:09
I cannot.
1:00:10
I expected that.
1:00:11
And their siblings too.
1:00:12
Yeah, I don't.
1:00:13
Didn't she come up here to like get him?
1:00:14
She's kind of now just staring off in the distance.
1:00:16
I'm not totally sure she understands what she did.
1:00:18
Do you think she was trying to throw him back down the mountain?
1:00:26
I think she was throwing him to home.
1:00:28
Yeah.
1:00:29
Oh, that was very quick fight.
1:00:31
Now the are now are these Napoleon people now, but they're falling off the cliff.
1:00:34
They're following Arthur.
1:00:35
Oh, wow.
1:00:36
He was a sort of a spiritual leader for them.
1:00:39
It looks like I guess the yoga really wasn't working for them.
1:00:43
Yeah.
1:00:44
They're just continuing to follow him.
1:00:46
They're really piling up down there really just bouncing out.
1:00:51
People.
1:00:52
I didn't realize bodies bounce so much.
1:00:54
Well, I didn't know if you want to do yoga while we watch this kind of like peaceful.
1:00:58
Yeah.
1:00:59
Yeah.
1:01:00
At ease kind of thing.
1:01:01
Do any of you guys know different yoga positions?
1:01:04
Quarterback.
1:01:05
Quarterback.
1:01:06
Yeah.
1:01:07
There's the shooting guard.
1:01:09
Okay.
1:01:10
Yeah.
1:01:11
Okay.
1:01:12
Doggy style.
1:01:13
Is that is this is this yoga position?
1:01:15
I think that's what heaven was doing earlier.
1:01:17
Okay.
1:01:18
Okay.
1:01:19
Yeah.
1:01:20
And Alan, I don't know if you saw my demonstration, but if you if you wanted to do doggy style,
1:01:24
I'd help you out.
1:01:25
Thank you.
1:01:26
Patrick Swayze ghost you into showing you how to do the yoga pose.
1:01:32
It always helps to have somebody who's been there.
1:01:34
Yeah.
1:01:35
It's always good to have somebody behind you doing doggy style.
1:01:38
Yeah.
1:01:39
They're to support you.
1:01:40
And it's like you always say it's good to have a say for it too.
1:01:43
Exactly.
1:01:44
So, um, all right, let's do some gay stuff on top of this mountain where people are committing
1:01:49
suicide.
1:01:50
That's what happens on questionable detour, detour guides.
1:01:57
What did what did y'all learn about Nepal?
1:02:00
Oh, wow.
1:02:01
Okay.
1:02:02
We're adding realize something to some people.
1:02:04
The people are very pliable.
1:02:06
They'll do it pretty much anything.
1:02:07
We saw them jump off the cliff.
1:02:09
We didn't know that about Nepal before.
1:02:10
I think if you were going to be a dictator and you were kind of trying to pick at the
1:02:13
country that you wanted to sort of take over, I'm thinking Nepal might be the way to go.
1:02:18
I think we learned a lot.
1:02:21
I really won't come back here though.
1:02:23
I don't think so.
1:02:25
Not much going on.
1:02:26
Yeah.
1:02:27
People are kind of a drab.
1:02:29
Yeah.
1:02:30
You just don't want to watch people commit suicide all day.
1:02:33
Bubbing me out.
1:02:34
Like there's, I mean, they're still jumping off.
1:02:37
The ones that didn't die on impact came back up and jumped off again.
1:02:42
I got it.
1:02:43
There's a couple of them that missed.
1:02:45
They jumped too early, missed the cliff entirely, landed right in front of the cliff, jumped
1:02:49
again.
1:02:50
Yeah.
1:02:51
I think we should just kind of move on.
1:02:54
I think we've seen enough of Nepal.
1:02:56
We've seen about 200 yards of it.
1:02:58
That's all I need.
1:03:00
All I needed to see of it.
1:03:02
All right.
1:03:03
Are we going to take Big Mac home?
1:03:04
Like is she going to be with us for this time or is it going to leave her here?
1:03:07
She seems like a lot of responsibility.
1:03:09
Don't know if she has her visa.
1:03:11
I think Big Mac will probably be good on the mountain with these sheep.
1:03:14
Like just being a weird shepherd.
1:03:16
Yeah.
1:03:17
She has the same disposition as a cow anyways.
1:03:19
Yeah.
1:03:20
She's kind of seen too much for us to bring her back with us anyway.
1:03:23
I'm not really sure what she sees.
1:03:25
Yeah.
1:03:26
Well, you can tell what she sees.
1:03:27
You just don't know how she comprehends it.
1:03:29
Yeah.
1:03:30
I think people might throw the word accomplice around.
1:03:32
Yeah.
1:03:33
I don't really want to bring her in.
1:03:34
We don't need that.
1:03:35
We don't need it.
1:03:37
We're kind of good as a trio.
1:03:39
Yeah.
1:03:40
We're the crowd.
1:03:41
It is.
1:03:42
We're the crowd and she counts as three people.
1:03:44
So we're going to leave her here.
1:03:46
All right.
1:03:47
Well, I think let's get back on the plane and see where we go to next.
1:03:53
The detour guide.
1:03:55
Wow.
1:04:10
Man, I tell you what, I am glad we're able to travel.
1:04:24
That was a fun trip to the Himalayas these past couple of weeks.
1:04:28
Just like the the Nepalians, we appreciate wisdom.
1:04:31
So what's a one-liner wisdom you can give the Saturday workers?
1:04:34
You can travel any way you want.
1:04:37
Boat, plane, car.
1:04:39
But I say it's better to take your high horse.
1:04:42
Yeah.
1:04:43
Yeah.
1:04:44
You live that.
1:04:46
Day in, day out.
1:04:48
Always on a high horse.
1:04:49
They say sometimes it's better to take the road less traveled.
1:04:52
But if you do, then there's nobody there to see you traveling.
1:04:55
Very, very 21st century.
1:04:58
Not enough attention.
1:05:00
Yeah.
1:05:01
Yeah.
1:05:02
Then you got to do one of those situations where you record yourself walking, then you
1:05:05
got to walk back, pick up your phone.
1:05:07
Yeah.
1:05:08
I mean, if you did it, but nobody saw you did it, did you actually do it?
1:05:12
Like a wasted trip, they say.
1:05:14
Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
1:05:16
Very good.
1:05:17
But there you go.
1:05:18
Episode one, season two in the books, guys.
1:05:20
Wow.
1:05:21
You're traveling?
1:05:22
We did it.
1:05:23
But hey, if you have a hypothetical you want us to answer, advice that you need, if you
1:05:28
want to give us a place to travel, question will detour podcast, gmail.com, write us in,
1:05:34
be the first email for season two.
1:05:36
Send us money for travel too.
1:05:38
Send us money for anything.
1:05:40
We want money.
1:05:41
Mainly for hard drugs.
1:05:43
We're going to say it's for travel.
1:05:45
But it's going to mostly be pumped into our veins.
1:05:47
Yeah.
1:05:48
Yeah.
1:05:49
We got addicted to heroin on this trip.
1:05:52
And just very volatile cryptocurrency.
1:05:55
But all right.
1:05:57
All right, y'all to be done.
1:05:59
Let's go.
1:06:01
Welcome to the country of nipple.
1:06:06
Welcome to the country of Nepal.
1:06:10
That's worse.
1:06:12
Nepal.
1:06:13
The country of Nepal.
1:06:18
Welcome to the country of Nepal.
1:06:20
Welcome to the country of Nepal.
1:06:24
The Nipple.
1:06:25
Welcome to the country of Nepal.
1:06:27
The Detour.