Latest / Camp Classics / Gremlins (1984)

Transcript

Gremlins (1984) · Camp Classics

0:00
Get away from her, you bitch. Classic.
0:05
He was in the Amazon cry along when she was researching spiders
0:09
right before she died. No, Hannah, you thought you
0:16
could call a prostitute or a. Dog at it.
0:18
I used to love doggy chow. I used.
0:22
To love doggy chow too. Yum Yum.
0:27
I'm Crystal. You are really getting there
0:32
with the impressions. I'm thank.
0:34
You. Well, sorry, miss, I was giving
0:37
myself an oil job. Yeah, that's a really niche one.
0:40
I'm baby lame. And welcome to Camp Classics.
0:44
A stupid podcast about thoughtful No, no.
0:48
Did you have a brain tumor for breakfast?
0:50
A thoughtful podcast about stupid movies.
0:53
And here we are. Do you know what I think I was
0:54
just a bit intimidated by the setup.
0:57
Who the hell do we think we are? What?
0:59
What is happening right now? Bright light, Bright light.
1:02
We are in Canary. Wharf.
1:04
We're in. Why are we in Canary Wharf?
1:06
There's three cameras trained on me that reminds me of my last
1:09
Saturday night. Bit of pressure, but I'm sure
1:14
it'll be fine. I'm going to smash it.
1:16
What's going on? I don't understand.
1:18
I just think it's about time we pivoted to video.
1:21
There's so much happening here with us, the chemistry that no
1:25
one ever really gets to see. Yes, yes.
1:27
So right now I do feel like I said to you as we walked into
1:30
the room, I feel like we're doing a men's health podcast.
1:34
It's OK to cry. Oh, and we've just covered
1:38
Mortal Kombat, which was truly. Is this our LAD era?
1:45
Literally, I've got. I've got.
1:46
Your pint and we are holding a straight man hostage.
1:52
Yeah, right. That is, listen, that's the
1:56
thing that we're enjoying most. There's a poor guy here who's
1:59
having to oversee this session and bless his soul, having to
2:02
listen to this, but. We are shooting video.
2:05
Will it ever see the light of day?
2:06
Who knows? Who knows?
2:08
But maybe one day. But what is this?
2:10
This is camp classics, where every two weeks we take a movie
2:14
and decide if it's camp. It's important work.
2:17
You know it's not camp. Tell me.
2:18
Canary Wharf. No, well, actually I disagree.
2:22
I think it could be a little bit camp.
2:23
You could imagine a Sharon Stone.
2:25
Yeah, like a sexual thriller set here.
2:28
It's very Basic Instinct to risk addiction when you think about
2:35
fucking me, and I know you do, thank you.
2:39
But also, you know, I could imagine being like a little
2:41
working girl in a fur. Oh yeah, OK, So what, like a
2:45
modern a modern working girl? Oh no, that kind of working
2:49
girl. Sorry.
2:50
Why didn't I immediately go to prostitute?
2:54
I watched a really crazy Sharon Stone movie recently actually,
2:56
which I think you'd like, called Sliver.
2:59
Have you seen it? Oh yes, with one of the
3:00
Baldwins. With one of the Baldwins.
3:02
Yes, and it's like the flip. She's the innocent one.
3:04
She's the innocent one but then she gets lured into his like sex
3:07
games which is basically filming everyone in their apartment
3:09
building and watching them all fuck.
3:13
I want to be lured into someone's sex games.
3:15
Yeah, with like a secret door where they're like, and this is
3:17
where I watch 1000 TV's, everyone in the building
3:20
fucking. And she's like, yeah, OK.
3:23
She's into it. Yeah.
3:23
OK, great. Also, the crazy thing about that
3:25
movie, sorry we're not here to talk about Sliver, but that
3:28
movie was meant to end with them both flying into a volcano at
3:32
the end in the helicopter. They filmed it, but they're like
3:35
Nah, it doesn't test well so it just ends with her.
3:37
How? Did they get from like CCTV
3:40
surveillance in a city to a volcano set up quite camp?
3:44
Is it in the 90s or the early naughty?
3:46
Yeah, early 90s, but yeah, yeah. Fine, it's like, let's see.
3:50
No, they shot it. They just didn't use it.
3:51
They're. Exactly.
3:52
That's 12. We need a three-week shoot in
3:54
like Honolulu or wherever. I don't know if there are
3:56
volcanoes in Honolulu, but I doubt that sounds.
3:58
Right, OK, sure. Yeah.
4:00
Before we go further though, business.
4:04
We do always the business. I stand on business.
4:06
Yep, we have a gay trion where you can get a bonus episode
4:10
every month. But.
4:10
Help me, I'm poor and also check in with your sexual health.
4:15
Check in with my testicular health.
4:17
You can get a free trial, binge them all and then cancel.
4:20
We won't judge you, and you can sign up directly on Patreon, or
4:25
you can click the locked episode on Apple Podcasts or Spotify.
4:28
How is the tally going? Well, we've got new members to
4:31
shout. Out, but do you like is there
4:33
like a a diagram of like people that drop off and come in?
4:37
Oh, I see. Yeah, yeah, my house.
4:39
Like if you if you picture it, it's just like one of those like
4:41
wall of conspiracies like red string, like oh House of wax
4:46
gained 2 member Paris Hilton circled bunch of times.
4:49
I just don't think you should have any more data because even
4:52
like the very premise of this show is all about the data, I
4:55
think it's not good for you to have data, no.
4:58
Less data. Now see, I'm telling you I have
5:01
the mind of a master. Master.
5:03
I have the mind of a mastermind. What's that?
5:06
I don't know. But you know, I'm so creative
5:08
like that. We've got a shout out Kate Scott
5:11
and Dermot who joined on Patreon, and a couple little
5:14
secret watchers over on Apple Podcasts.
5:17
We don't know who you are, but you're in your high rise with
5:22
the cameras. On Now Watching.
5:24
Us. Oh my.
5:25
God, look at us. I feel like Sharon Stone.
5:27
Know what I'm doing right now? Open your legs.
5:29
That's it? Yeah.
5:30
Our latest episode on the Gay Trion is on House of Wax, and on
5:36
our next episode we're giving people what they want.
5:39
Christmas classic Batman Returns.
5:40
Meow, meow, meow. Looking forward to that one.
5:44
Yeah, that was our most one of our most requested Christmas
5:47
movies, and we're doing the gay thing and putting it behind a
5:52
paywall. Extra festive version, right?
5:56
The extra festive version. Either the extra festive
5:58
version. But will it get 10 Lizers like
6:01
Batman and Robin? That's.
6:03
That's the cliffhanger. We've had some little feedback,
6:07
I think this is Danielle, but I forgot to write down who sent
6:09
this so apologies if it's not Danielle.
6:11
Listening to the Mortal Kombat episode and was thinking about
6:13
how I watch Meet Me in Saint Louis as my Christmas movie
6:16
every year while drinking bubbly.
6:19
Sending it as a camp Christmas movie.
6:20
Judy Garland and wigs You're you're.
6:23
Well, I just think of Sex and the City with Jennifer Hudson.
6:26
Because does she talk about that?
6:27
Yeah, and it's like she's from Saint Louis.
6:29
And then like, I think like Carrie buys her a DVD or
6:31
something. Can she watches that over
6:33
Christmas? It's all a bit.
6:34
I've never seen it, no. I've never seen it, so I've got
6:36
absolutely. Nothing.
6:37
Judy Garland and wigs sounds good.
6:38
Sure. Actually, I take it back.
6:40
Yeah. I'm going to watch it.
6:42
I'm not going to commit to covering it, but I could use a
6:44
new Christmas movie this year so OK, I'll do it.
6:46
And also Jordan says I think you should do the family stone for
6:49
Christmas so baby can try and redeem herself about the now
6:52
deceased Diane Keaton. She's still dead.
6:57
She's still dead, but maybe if you like family stone, you know.
7:01
I actually really like that movie.
7:02
Do you SJP plays a real? Uptight bitch.
7:06
Yeah, I feel like it probably is Bad, bad, bad, bad bad, but in a
7:12
fun way. Have you not seen it I.
7:14
Have. It's just been a long time,
7:17
isn't? Rachel McAdams, isn't it?
7:19
Who plays the lesbian? There is a lesbian, isn't there?
7:21
No, this is pre lesbians. It's only gay men were allowed
7:25
in movies. This.
7:27
Yeah. There's like a gay brother
7:28
maybe. I don't know.
7:30
Yeah, I'm getting bored as we're even talking about it now.
7:33
Anyway, Christmas is here. We wanted to do something real,
7:36
fun and festive. And I'm not very, very happy
7:39
about. That I can tell.
7:41
I think it is really uncamped and quite frankly homophobic,
7:45
transphobic that you are forcing us into doing Christmas movies
7:50
on this podcast. How very fucking dare you.
7:56
Like, there's nothing camp about Christmas.
7:58
Although I do think the origin story of Jesus OK is actually
8:04
quite calm, so I could be just sort of going against my very
8:07
argument. What, like Immaculate
8:09
Conception? So I'm thinking Mary might be a
8:12
doll. Oh yeah.
8:15
I think she's just like fuck genetics and she's got her baby.
8:19
Oh, I just thought she was. She could be, she could be doing
8:22
that. Well, she could be, but then
8:24
obviously got a Three Kings and that's very like throuple vibes
8:28
coming, presenting stuff in the barn that feels quite dirty and
8:32
gay. I feel like Mary might be a
8:35
beard for Joseph. Feeling like there's a bigger
8:38
back story there. OK, yeah.
8:40
So I do think there's something we can it.
8:42
Why do you like Christmas though?
8:44
I don't have an answer for that. I don't think I do.
8:46
OK, so another great the reason why we're doing a Christmas
8:49
movie. But we're not really.
8:50
We are, but we're not, Well, you.
8:52
Said it had to be explicitly be a Christmas movie because it's
8:55
Christmas season. I do have a Christmas themed
8:58
joke for you though. Oh, OK.
9:00
Why was Jesus so popular with gay men?
9:04
I don't know. Because he was hung like this.
9:08
Oh God. I was, I made.
9:12
A that's great for audio. Well, I guess now with visual
9:15
it's great, yeah. We'll make sure to clip that one
9:17
up. But I was thinking that maybe
9:19
this could be a chance for me to just try and add a little bit of
9:23
queer for frivolity to the situation.
9:26
So I would like to launch a little quiz with you.
9:29
Oh, and basically I was thinking with this quiz, how Christmassy,
9:35
What can we do? There's lots to talk about at
9:37
Christmas, lots of questions to ask.
9:39
So obviously I went straight to porn.
9:42
It really does make you feel very festive.
9:44
In a game that I would like to know is is it porn or is it a
9:49
lie? Basically, I'm going to give you
9:50
some Christmas themed porn titles and I want you to tell me
9:54
whether they are true or whether I've made them up.
9:57
Crystal, this is really funny because I've seen you do this at
10:00
a drag quiz before and I stole it.
10:02
And I know you've. Still been doing it that
10:04
brunches for the past like 5 years.
10:06
I call it porn or Narn. Well, there you go.
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OK, but I know you stole it, so I actually done some new
10:11
research just because I knew that you would already know.
10:14
I'm ready. OK, We'll play at home.
10:16
Listeners, this is an interactive section of the show.
10:18
So all I want for Christmas is a gang bang.
10:22
Relatable. Is that true or false?
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False. It's true 1994 This is a good
10:28
one. The tits that saved Christmas.
10:32
Big boob. No, it's true. 2003 and what
10:38
tits they must be. Imagine some tits just coming
10:41
and saving Christmas. I like imagining them like just
10:44
to do disembodied tits like on a sleigh, just like visiting house
10:48
to house. Miserable, broken families,
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Yeah. Finally, the tits are here.
10:54
Frosty the blow man. That's false.
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Yeah, I made that one up. I was quite proud of that.
11:02
That's. Good.
11:03
It's good. I think on your original quiz
11:05
there was Frosty the Snow Hoe. Yeah, which is true.
11:07
Yeah. So she's a snow hoe, but she's
11:10
she doesn't blow. Next up, also Frosty the blow
11:15
man. It makes it sound like it's a
11:16
coke thing too. Yeah, I know Coke.
11:18
Well, you know, it's. Frosty and white white powder.
11:21
And so that might be a hard hitting social drama instead of.
11:25
Yeah, you're right. OK, Next up, I hope you're
11:28
playing at home everyone. Ghost of Christmas ass.
11:33
No way it's. True 2012 Ghost of Christmas
11:37
ass. How the Grinch gaped Christmas.
11:44
Now that's a Grinch movie I'd cover on this podcast.
11:46
No, that's no way. That 2014 wait I'm creeping on
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your white. Was that a gay?
11:53
Was that a gay title? Or do straight people gape?
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Well, I don't know if it's gay porn.
11:58
Porn doesn't need to be. No, no, no, no.
12:00
But do gaping. That's like a gaping hole,
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isn't? It yeah, do straight people do
12:05
gaping. Well, they've got holes to gape.
12:07
I know, but I just only I just. Didn't know.
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Next up, I'm creaming. I'm creaming on your white Xmas.
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Oh my God, I'm creaming on your white Xmas that.
12:17
Doesn't even cream on your white Xmas.
12:22
False True 2008 that. Doesn't even make sense.
12:26
Next up, jiggle all the way. Jiggle, jiggle.
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Yeah, true. Correct.
12:32
You got that. A few more left fistmas time.
12:36
True, false. I made that up.
12:38
OK, naughty or nice, she's getting it twice.
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That's. That's still on my quiz too.
12:46
I can't remember though. True.
12:48
It's true. Yeah, 2008, a great year for
12:50
Christmas pornography. Santa is coming all over.
12:54
Town. I love that one.
12:56
True. 1996 Classic True. Rudolph the Red Rosebud
13:02
Reindeer. Yeah, but I loved it.
13:10
Rudolph the One. I'm packing Scotland doing some
13:13
brunches this weekend. I'm taking that one with me.
13:16
And then the final one is spend Xmas in my ass.
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That sounds wholesome. I'm going to say true.
13:22
It is true, yeah. It's spacious.
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And that's an invitation to anybody that would like to spend
13:26
Christmas in my ass. And that is the end of my
13:29
pornography Christmas quiz, everyone.
13:31
I think I lost and one. I think say to Don listeners as
13:36
well. And you know what?
13:37
Naughty or nice, we're getting it twice.
13:39
We are. Well now I just need to go home
13:41
and find out about straight gaping.
13:43
I thought you were just going to go, well now I just need to go
13:45
home and fuck. I thought that's why I was like,
13:47
OK, calm down. Time to get out my 96 copy of
13:53
Frosty the Snow Ho yes? The extra festive version.
13:56
Thank you for that quiz, baby. But before we go any further,
13:59
what makes a Camp classic? Well, a camp classic is
14:01
something that should unlock queer joy.
14:04
In the words of Megan Fox. I want to get a wedding.
14:07
Yeah, Like, it's not just like pre come.
14:09
It's like full jizz explosion from this.
14:13
It needs to be stupid. We don't want anything that's
14:15
taking itself too seriously. It also needs to have an ongoing
14:18
legacy and inform queer pop culture.
14:21
Ideally, the film should be anti mainstream.
14:23
That's underdog flop vibes that's reclaimed by the F slurs.
14:29
And we'll be the judge of that, won't we?
14:31
These two F slurs. Yeah, certainly.
14:33
Unqualified, but very opinionated.
14:36
Yeah, and very F. Very F some might say 2F Yes,
14:41
some have. And some will.
14:43
Some will continue to. Today we are covering 1984's
14:46
Gremlins, one of the Christmas movies that I think we both can
14:50
tolerate and can bear to talk about.
14:53
I think I think you were right about something about Christmas,
14:55
which is that it's not a very queer time of year.
14:59
It's when we all have to get in our back, in our little straight
15:02
boxes. And so we're going to do a
15:05
Christmas movie. Like, let's have something
15:06
that's a bit, yeah, a bit weird. Yeah.
15:09
A bit different, a bit a bit kooky.
15:11
Kooky. So we're covering gremlins.
15:13
You ready to be festive for Christmas?
15:15
Here's the context. It was directed by Joe Dante,
15:19
who's like a prolific B movie director.
15:22
This was his probably biggest movie.
15:24
This in Gremlins too. Written by Chris Columbus, who
15:27
went on to direct Home Alone, Mrs. Doubtfire Adventures and
15:31
Babysitting and two Harry Potter movies.
15:34
Yeah, that's so upsetting. This script was written as a
15:38
demo script essentially. It was never intended to be
15:41
made. Oh, that's interesting.
15:42
Found its way to Steven Spielberg, who loved it and he
15:46
was currently working on ET and he was like more puppets.
15:52
And so he had executive produced this movie.
15:55
It stars Zach Galligan, who exactly?
15:59
This is probably his biggest movie.
16:01
Phoebe Cates. She's done some.
16:04
Bits. She's done some bits.
16:06
She was a name at the time Fast Times at Ridgemont High.
16:09
And another one can't remember. Hoyt Axton, that's the dad.
16:15
Polly Holiday, that's the old mean lady.
16:19
And Frances Lee McCain. Who's the mum?
16:21
The voice of Mogwai. Yes.
16:23
Howie Mandel. Oh, isn't that weird?
16:26
Is that from like America's Got Talent?
16:27
Yes. Oh, OK.
16:29
Yeah. I don't know how I feel about
16:31
that. I don't kind of want to know who
16:32
the voice of Gizmo is. Yeah, now he's just like a bald
16:35
old man. It's like.
16:37
Like thumping on a table, telling people they're they've
16:39
got what it takes. Don't like it?
16:42
That's so upsetting. The special effects and puppetry
16:45
was by Chris Wallace who went on to win an Oscar for the Fly.
16:51
Did the effects on the fly? He hasn't really worked since
16:53
the 90s. Oh.
16:55
Yeah, but he had done quite a few like fuel sounding B movies.
16:59
It was made on an $11 million budget, which is very small, and
17:04
it was released on June 8th of 1984, which is the same day as
17:09
Ghostbusters. That's interesting to me.
17:12
Yeah, they're kind of in a world together, aren't they?
17:15
Which one came out top? Ghostbusters, oh Ghostbusters I
17:19
think was the first or second highest grossing movie of the
17:22
year that year, and Gremlins was fourth.
17:24
It also surprised me how old this movie is.
17:27
Like watching it back it doesn't seem as old as it is.
17:30
I mean it's really fucking ancient isn't it?
17:32
It's like 40 years old. Yeah, you're right.
17:34
That's really old. Yeah, because it actually came
17:36
out the year I was born. So that's fucking depressing.
17:39
Really old. It's like disgracefully old.
17:42
It's like disgusting. Like why are we even?
17:45
Why are we even mentioning this? Why is it even in pop culture?
17:47
It's gross. Let me know when you're
17:49
finished. Ended up being a huge hit.
17:53
It took $212 million worldwide and was the 4th biggest movie of
17:57
the year. And I think this is a camp clue.
18:02
Basically, this was the movie was released before the PG13
18:05
rating was there. So things were either PG or
18:08
restricted. And the production company and
18:11
studio didn't really know how to market this.
18:12
So that some of the marketing was very kid friendly and they
18:16
didn't really lean in to the horror elements of this movie.
18:21
And so a lot of parents took their kids to see this movie,
18:24
and a lot of them were really young and there were a lot of
18:27
complaints. And this movie ended up creating
18:31
a new rating called PG13. That is very camp.
18:34
Very. Yeah.
18:35
Traumatizing children. I fully appreciate that.
18:38
I also apparently this movie was how a lot of children found out
18:41
that Santa Claus wasn't real. Yes, from the the speech which
18:44
we'll be getting to it, which again, like of all the things
18:47
this movie does like. Yeah, yeah.
18:49
So that's quite camp traumatizing children.
18:52
Take There we go. I think we're done for the time
18:54
just to have a sip of my beer, we're done.
18:56
And there we go guys. It's time for me to get in bed.
18:59
It obviously went on to have a sequel, Gremlins 2, which was
19:03
released in 1990, which was not a commercial success.
19:06
And there's a. New one on it.
19:07
And there's a new one on the way, coming out year after next,
19:10
I think. I think that's it.
19:13
For context, what's your history with the movie?
19:15
Like I, I kind of remember growing up with it, but like,
19:18
it's not, it's not been something that I'm like, Oh my
19:20
God, every year I watch Gremlins.
19:22
It's just it's always been around, hasn't it?
19:24
Yeah. What about you?
19:26
I don't think I watched it as a kid.
19:27
Or I was it too scary for you? I think it was.
19:30
I think I remember either seeing it and like when it started to
19:34
get scary, I was like what the heck?
19:35
Nope. Or or I'd never even saw it that
19:38
far and I just put it in a box with child's play.
19:41
Yeah. Which is scarier, right?
19:43
I haven't seen that in a really long time either.
19:46
I mean, sure. But it's not it doesn't have the
19:48
goofiness, right? Child's play it.
19:50
Kind. Of does, yeah, OK.
19:52
Also, it does take a lot to scare me.
19:55
Yeah, life is scary enough. Well, I let the record say that
19:59
I do not find gremlins scary, but as as a.
20:01
Child, I thought. Well done I.
20:02
Think I thought it was more horror than clearly is.
20:07
Yeah. I don't think I watched it until
20:08
I was an adult and then I haven't seen it since.
20:10
So I was going into a pretty fresh.
20:12
I couldn't remember any of the plot.
20:14
No, neither could I and I. Couldn't even really remember
20:16
the rules about gremlins or anything so get into the plot.
20:19
Let's go for it. OK, so we meet struggling
20:23
inventor Randall Peltzer, who visits A Chinatown antique store
20:27
to find a Christmas present for his son Billy.
20:30
Randall is a shit inventor and none of his stuff works.
20:34
While in the shop, Randall uncovers a small and furry
20:36
creature called a Mug Y. The owner, Mr. Wing, refuses to
20:40
sell it to Randall. It's singing, it sounds cute.
20:44
It's like what? Is it?
20:45
Yeah, woke alert. But the orientalism of this
20:49
scene? Oh, sorry to Michael Bellinson.
20:52
Yeah, if this is who woke, but go ahead Crystal.
20:55
Yeah, just, I mean, the the man who runs the shop, is it just a
20:58
caricature of American ideas about Chinese people?
21:02
I think and it's he's one of two people of colour in this whole
21:05
movie and he's a basically a racist stereotype.
21:08
But imagine the exotic things you could get from the far off
21:14
reaches. You just pull back a curtain in
21:16
your local Chinese supermarket. Oh, what exotic things lurk
21:21
beneath. Yeah, it's very like Monkey's
21:23
Paw, isn't it? But yeah, he refuses to sell the
21:26
Mogwai to Randall, but his grandson secretly does, and he
21:31
warns Randall to remember 3 important rules concerning its
21:35
care. Keep the creature away from
21:37
light, especially sunlight, which will kill it.
21:40
Do not let it come in contact with water.
21:42
And above all, never let it eat after midnight.
21:46
Don't let him get wet. We'll get to all of that.
21:51
So then we go to Randall's hometown of Kingston Falls,
21:54
where we meet Billy, who works at the local bank with his love
21:58
interest Kate. And yeah, he's just like a kind
22:03
of All American boy. Isn't he boy?
22:06
How old is he? He looks fucking old to me.
22:08
It's unclear. And also this idea that he has
22:10
to buy this present is like, what the fuck's going on?
22:13
He's like. For my adult son who lives in my
22:15
attic. Yeah, it's like, and you're
22:17
struggling. This is what I hate about
22:19
Christmas, the capitalistic elements of it.
22:23
So what, you're already, you already can't pay your bills.
22:25
You're probably going to lose your house.
22:26
Your job's flopping. Oh no, but I need to spend 2.
22:29
$100 on a present pet without consulting my wife.
22:32
Yeah, I'm just going to bring this animal into the house.
22:34
And we know what happens, yeah. Yeah, Billy was apparently
22:38
originally meant to be like a 10 year old boy.
22:40
That would make a lot more sense.
22:42
And so you can tell that like some of the plot elements, they
22:44
just didn't update, such as I need to buy this present for my
22:48
son, which sounds like a 10 year thing you're doing.
22:51
Also a lot more now you've said that is very like, oh daddy,
22:55
it's very like. Yeah, it's very weird.
22:57
So they just didn't. They were like, let's put an
22:59
older person in it and give him a love interest and that'll
23:01
make. That would be.
23:03
That will make loads of sense. Yeah, but they didn't change
23:05
things up. We also meet the widowed miser,
23:09
Mrs. Deagle. Love, love, love.
23:13
She's like a Lady Scrooge. Oh yeah, mixed in with a bit of
23:16
Wicked Witch of the. Oh yeah, the original one, yeah.
23:21
Yeah, What is her name? Oh, the one that's.
23:22
Yeah, she's riding a bike. I get you.
23:24
And you're pretty dad too, that. Way you're right, it's exactly
23:26
that because she also threatens to kill Billy's dog.
23:29
By putting him in the spin dryer, which again.
23:32
Maybe I'll put him in the spin dryer on high heat.
23:34
Love her. Yeah.
23:35
I mean, I don't know how I feel about dog violence, but it's if
23:38
you're going to do it, you might as well do it in that.
23:41
This is the first hint in the movie that like.
23:43
This. Weird stuff is going to kind of
23:45
happen. Like, she just really comes out,
23:48
she says multiple ways she's going to kill that dog and.
23:51
Yeah, she, yeah, she's like, that will do it.
23:53
Yeah. She is also just kind of like a
23:56
wonderful example of a Karen as well.
23:58
She's complaining about her heart issues and just she goes
24:02
into that like white. Woman tears very quickly.
24:05
Instantly. You're right, she's just
24:07
weaponizing her own whiteness. Camp.
24:11
Do do you want to hear something depressing though?
24:15
Oh, go on. Actress who plays she dead?
24:18
No. Oh OK, guess how old she is.
24:21
God, Oh my God, what? So like the old woman in the
24:24
film? Old like that?
24:27
She's old woman. Yeah, with the grey band.
24:32
OK, She should be her 60, No 59. She should be 59.
24:37
Yeah. She's 46.
24:40
I'll let you sit with that. Oh shit.
24:42
Billy's father comes home and gives him the Mogwai, which he
24:46
has renamed Gizmo. He informs Billy of the rules.
24:50
What do you think about Gizmo? Like sorry if this like really
24:54
cute. Oh wow, do you know what?
24:56
Yeah, you find him annoying. No, I live for gives way.
25:01
That's so weird. I love how I'm like, so
25:03
unpredictable for you. You think you've got me?
25:06
No, I'm genuinely in. I'm like a little quiet.
25:09
I think he's quite annoying. I like when he gets tortured.
25:12
Oh, oh, oh, OK, now I'm. I'm very in love with Gizmo.
25:17
I'm like what? He is.
25:19
Cute he is, so now it's that guy making the noises on less like.
25:24
Oh, so you're in love with Howie Mandel?
25:26
Yeah, yeah, I am you. Want Howie Mandel to make baby
25:29
noises at? You.
25:30
Yes, I do. MMM.
25:32
Goo goo Gaga gab. Billy's friend Pete comes over,
25:35
which again another thing is like Billy's best friend is a 10
25:38
year old boy. Why didn't?
25:41
Why? Can't they age that guy up?
25:44
Yeah, because it's. It's so weird.
25:47
Yeah. OK, yeah.
25:49
Carrie continue. That's Corey Feldman.
25:51
RIP. Oh yeah, maybe.
25:53
Oh, I don't know. Can't remember one of the core
25:55
1. Of those, isn't it?
25:56
Yeah. But yeah, Pete comes over and
25:58
accidentally spills water on Gizmo, which causes five more
26:02
Mogwai to spawn from him. Now can I just say we are how?
26:07
How long have they had this creature for?
26:10
A day. Not even a day right and already
26:13
and already the abuse this film is about animal abuse and like
26:18
the RSPCA need to be involved because it's like the things
26:22
that they do to this poor fucking gizmo.
26:24
And it's like from the get go, it's like water is really it's
26:26
really important. And also before that they've
26:29
like taken a picture of it and the light has set.
26:31
It's literally like they are torturing this animal and they
26:34
shouldn't be allowed to have the animal.
26:36
But the squeals Gizmo when he gets wet.
26:39
Recognize those? Did you Crystal?
26:41
I don't, I don't know, it was like I liked how much they
26:44
leave. Them like that when you get wet.
26:47
No, but those those balls spreading off his back did
26:52
remind me of something that you can only hear about on the gay
26:54
tree on episode. Oh.
26:58
Yeah, I don't know. I just kind of liked that they
26:59
were like, see this thing that's really cute.
27:03
Now it's going to be an excruciating pain and we're
27:06
going to shoot it like, I don't know when.
27:09
This movie's weird. It's it's.
27:10
Yeah, it's a good moment on like Gizmo is just like abused.
27:13
Yeah, Yeah, by his owners and by well, never actually this.
27:18
Actually, this is another camp clue because I don't know the
27:20
gender of Gizmo. That's true.
27:22
But I appreciate that we have this creature with non gender
27:26
specific parenting spawning children.
27:29
That's true. So I just like how how non
27:32
binary of it all just like yes. Nothing says trans inclusion
27:36
like sprouting your offspring out of your back.
27:39
Yeah, yeah, I love that. Yeah.
27:41
So the the mug why kind of grow in little furry bubbles off his
27:45
back and then they like expand really fast and turn into more
27:50
mug way and it's gross. The way they yeah, the little
27:54
fur balls. Yeah, because they're kind of
27:56
like they're it's. The circle of life.
27:57
You know, but they're kind of wet as well.
28:00
Yeah, but they're cute as well. They're cute, but it's gross.
28:03
I kind of didn't mind them, yeah.
28:06
When they're like, it's like how a baby bird, when it first
28:09
hatches, it's like all its feathers are wet and it's like.
28:12
I just think, you know, the miracle of life is a beautiful
28:15
thing that we should all be celebrating.
28:17
All right, pipe down. Anyway, these new mugwai are
28:20
more mischievous sort, led by an aggressive leader called Stripe.
28:26
They then string up the dog with Christmas lights.
28:29
I thought the dog was going to be dead.
28:30
Yeah. So in the early in the first
28:32
draft of the script that it was much more violent and the dog
28:35
was going to get eaten. Oh, by the gremlins.
28:38
Oh, fair play. Yeah.
28:39
Yeah. Because I guess there it just
28:41
kind of like pace itself with the violence.
28:43
It hits hints at it, but it's still quite, it's quite sort of
28:45
sweetie, sweetie at this point, isn't it?
28:48
Yeah. Because that would have been a
28:50
good, like, horror movie trope, wouldn't it?
28:51
Like, oh, the dog has gone missing.
28:54
Yeah, you know, but that's just much more.
28:57
It's more horror, less family. Billy takes one of the Mogwai to
29:01
his former school science teacher, Roy.
29:05
And again, I guess this is an example of like they didn't know
29:08
what they're like. So like, it's it's my former
29:11
teacher rather than my current one.
29:13
Yeah. And again now, now, Q, we're
29:15
going to put this poor creature through extensive tests in a
29:19
small cave. Like have you checked the make
29:24
of all of your cosmetics? Yes, and they are tested on
29:27
animals and that's how I like it.
29:29
Crystal, I want to know how a rabbit has reacted to my liquid
29:33
gel liner. Well, you just think about Gizmo
29:36
next. Time and they look beat there's
29:40
a side note here. We'd missed this, but I just, I
29:42
really enjoyed the pointless shot of him making orange juice.
29:46
Yes. And it sort of dribbles out the
29:49
hole. And I just thought, I just
29:51
thought gay pride. I was like, that is an anus
29:54
leaking from a busy Pride weekend.
29:56
Oh my God, one of your 5A day. Yeah, right.
30:05
Yeah, there's quite a few inventions that sparked.
30:08
Yeah, I didn't link it. I didn't link it to the dad
30:10
being an inventor, but that makes way more sense.
30:12
I just thought, just thought, OK.
30:14
They're constantly using inventions in this house that
30:16
don't work. Well, I thought it's the 80s.
30:18
I don't know what these gadgets are, these gizmos.
30:21
The whole thing, The house is littered with his bad
30:24
inventions. There's the egg.
30:25
There's the egg. Now you're saying that there's
30:27
the egg. Cracker and then the mum has to
30:29
make coffee later and it comes out like black sludge.
30:33
Now it makes sense. Yeah, I just thought it was the
30:35
80s and that's just how things ran.
30:37
I hate the dad. Oh yeah, it's just irrelevant to
30:40
me. Just like a perfect example of,
30:44
I don't know, everything wrong with like that the masculinity
30:47
of that era. How old do you think he is?
30:48
Oh God, 35. He's a dumb dumb who's like
30:53
making his family's life hell and suffers no consequences and
30:58
doesn't learn a single lesson and his wife and son are both
31:01
like we love you anyway dad despite you ruining our fucking
31:05
lives. Well, if there was a Christmas
31:09
Truer Christmas message, I believe that would be it.
31:11
Yeah, OK, so then Billy goes to a bar where his crush Kate
31:15
works. Now Kate hates Christmas, but we
31:19
don't know why yet. I don't think anybody would
31:23
guess no Why No, she hates Christmas.
31:25
It will surprise you. We get a baffling scene with the
31:28
local drunk slash neighbor who goes on a big, long, racist,
31:32
xenophobic tirade about gremlins and imported goods.
31:36
He hates foreign things. It's unclear what the movie
31:39
thinks about him. Do you know what I mean?
31:41
Yeah, whether it because he's kind of right with what's going
31:44
to happen. So are we supporting that
31:47
message? Yeah.
31:49
It's a bigger conversation for later.
31:51
And then back home, Stripe and his fellow Mogwai trick Billy
31:56
into feeding them after midnight by sabotaging his bedside clock.
32:01
This is where I really realized that I believe gremlins are baby
32:06
drag Queens. And because, you know, the way
32:10
that like, you birth them and then they like kind of, you
32:14
know, and they're a bit messy. They're a bit like, oh, you
32:16
forgive them, but you know, they're kind of like in the
32:19
dressing room. But then they start to kind of
32:21
turn like demonic and they come for you.
32:24
So I kind of saw myself as Gizmo in the bed while they're eating
32:28
chicken. I was just being quiet, like
32:31
watching the film. Oh, I'm all right.
32:33
I don't want any of that. Well, they're all like munching
32:36
away. And I was like, fucking hell, I
32:38
see it. They're like that drag queen
32:40
who's not on the booking but is somehow in the dressing room
32:43
anyway. Taking up all of the space.
32:45
Taking all the drugs. Yes, everything is.
32:47
Probably going to be sick in a corner, get chucked out without
32:50
their shoes on. They're they're like
32:54
simultaneously great value, but also incredibly annoying.
32:58
You're like, I kind of want you to be here, but I also.
33:00
And ultimately, if you stay in their presence for too long,
33:03
they will try to kill you. Yeah, yeah, push you down the
33:06
stairs. Yeah, so I feel, I feel seen in
33:08
that. I'm so fucking Gizmo.
33:11
I'm just sat not talking to anyone, having a nice time.
33:13
I don't. You're alone, unbothered,
33:15
moisturizing, flourishing. You are the gremlin.
33:21
I won't. I've never heard you just did
33:25
you just try and describe yourself as cute and cuddly and
33:27
like. Just demure.
33:31
No strong opinions. No.
33:33
Just everyone loves me of a good time.
33:37
Good time gal. You know, singing along,
33:40
watching my movies. You are the demon drag queen, so
33:46
the they've eaten after a minute, so they form cocoons
33:49
which soon hatch. I like these cocoons.
33:53
Yeah, it's gross, isn't it? Yeah, they're like kind of grey
33:56
ball sacks. Yeah, it's the alien egg sack,
34:00
isn't it? Basically.
34:03
But they hatch and emerge as destructive and reptilian
34:07
implike monsters called gremlins.
34:10
The science teacher Hansen is murdered by his gremlin.
34:13
This is another example of them toning down the script to film.
34:16
He was supposed to be murdered with loads of needles in his
34:19
face. Which I think would be great
34:21
because of what he's done to that poor creature.
34:24
Yeah, would have been good. Brilliant.
34:26
And the ones at the house torture gizmo on a dartboard.
34:30
I suppose you were into that. That was your kink, wasn't it?
34:33
I just think it's kind of yeah, gooning at it.
34:39
Just think it's funny the juxtaposition of that cute
34:41
little thing being kind of tormented.
34:44
Apparently that puppet was so annoying to work with the
34:46
animatronics and it was always breaking down that the cast and
34:51
crew on set made a list of things they wanted to do to
34:54
Gizmo and the most horrible things were the ones that got
34:57
put in the movie because they were also annoyed by the puppet.
35:01
Then the gremlins assault Billy's mother Lynn, who kills 3
35:04
gremlins in the kitchen. Spectacular.
35:07
A kitchen massacre. A kitchen massacre.
35:09
Like we've gone into full on horror genre.
35:12
Yeah, now. And she's like shoving them in
35:15
the food blender, blending them. She's microwaving one of them.
35:19
She stabs one like 50 times. Yeah, the microwave explosion.
35:24
I'd imagine because like even with the evil gremlins kind of
35:28
hatching from their shelves, if you're taking your kids to see
35:31
this, you know, a bit like cover your eyes this.
35:33
But we are actually getting into something that where we are
35:36
murdering these creatures. Yeah, yeah, it's great.
35:40
They look so gross when they die.
35:42
They like spurt green goo. It's grim and she's like going
35:47
through. It she's a final girl, she's
35:48
absolutely. She then grabs 2 knives and
35:51
she's like walking through the house with two knives.
35:53
I just like her like gutsiness with it.
35:55
She doesn't hesitate to just slaughter them.
35:58
Well, if you can kill them, I think you need to really fucking
36:01
kill them. This is my thing with any horror
36:03
film. If like someone was trying to
36:04
kill me, I wouldn't just go for one stab.
36:08
I get a baseball. Bat got a shoot of them in the
36:10
head. No, I've we.
36:10
Learned that from I've crushed their skull in.
36:12
I just keep on going. Learn that from House of Wax.
36:15
Yeah, but just keep on smashing everything in.
36:18
Pour things on it, like put put heat up some oil, pour the oil
36:23
in, like smash up some glass, Chuck it on them, jump up and
36:29
down on them, shit on them, vomit on it, eat it, give birth
36:32
to it. Just make sure they're dead.
36:35
This is the cute and cuddly Gizmo.
36:38
The mum gets then attacked by a couple more who are in the
36:43
Christmas tree now. So at this point in the script
36:46
she was supposed to be murdered and then when Billy came home
36:48
they were going to throw her decapitated head at him.
36:51
That. Would have been great.
36:54
It would have actually great. Billy was a 10 year old that
36:56
would have been lol. Imagine still trying to do that
37:01
for laughs. So that would have been fun.
37:03
I like it. Anyway, they kill all the
37:04
gremlins in the house except for Stripe the lead 1.
37:07
He escapes to the local YMCA. Ever heard of it wink?
37:15
Yeah, and he jumps into the swimming pool where he spawns an
37:18
army of gremlins. I like how the boiling pool
37:22
looks. Yeah, it was great, a great
37:24
practical affair. That would be my new worry about
37:26
like a new Gremlins. I hope they keep everything
37:28
practical just because I just like the richness of it all.
37:31
Yeah. Do you think the skills still
37:32
exist? Do you think there's like teams
37:34
of puppeteers and stuff? I guess so, yeah.
37:38
I hope so. Yeah.
37:39
Because like the guy who did all of this, he hasn't worked since
37:41
the 90s. I'm like, did you choose to stop
37:43
working? You silent?
37:45
You're he's an Academy Award winner?
37:47
Or did like he just get replaced?
37:50
Or were you silenced anyway? I I totally agree.
37:53
All the practical stuff in this is so good.
37:57
So now there's lots of gremlins and they rampaged through the
38:01
town where locals are injured or outright killed during their
38:05
rampage. Our missus Deagle, the 46 year
38:09
old 80 year old lady, she gets flung out of a window on her
38:13
Stennis airlift. Great, Great Death.
38:16
Yeah, Fabulous. Yeah.
38:18
I will say I was sort of a bit over stimulated now by this
38:21
point in the film because there's a lot of things
38:24
happening and it's fun. It's very cartoony.
38:26
But it did go on for a long time and I was like, yeah, I kind of
38:30
needed something to kind of Take Me Out of it a little bit.
38:33
At this point, I'm still, I'm still enjoying it.
38:35
I like them. I like watching them torment all
38:38
of the people they. Well we know you like to watch
38:40
them till men. This is literally been your king
38:43
discovery. Yeah, absolutely.
38:44
The well, the racist guy gets run over in his own tractor,
38:48
which I really liked. I wish they'd shown again.
38:53
I wish the violence had been consistent and like when the
38:56
people are getting killed there, it's like a bit gross too and it
39:00
kind of cuts away doesn't. It yeah, but I kind of like now
39:02
the fact that they're just like luring people into a sense of
39:05
security and it's like, no, we're fucking with you.
39:08
Yeah, yeah, so true. Billy goes to the police, who
39:13
don't believe him, and they're drunk.
39:14
A cab. A cab.
39:15
The Gremlins cut the brakes on their police car and they die.
39:20
So maybe these gremlins are actually kind of OK, yeah.
39:26
Billy then goes to the bar where Kate works to rescue her.
39:31
And this is when we see like, the first like, dose of cartoony
39:38
carnage that the gremlins are doing.
39:40
There was they're playing poker, they're break dancing, they're
39:44
boozing free cigarettes. It was basically one of your
39:47
house parties. They're flashing.
39:49
It's basically, it's basically me at whole festival.
39:52
Can we just talk about the flashing?
39:54
Did we see gremlin pain? It's kind of like, it's kind of
39:58
a mound, isn't it? Yeah.
39:59
But yeah, if they reproduce out of the bubbles on their back,
40:03
like what? What's he flashing?
40:04
He's just, he's just learned to do that somehow.
40:08
Assimilated to the world. But yeah, this is where I
40:11
decided that Gizmo is like a tender queer who's just come
40:16
out. I love that.
40:21
Gizmo is like a gay who's just left his small town and moved to
40:24
the big city. Might go to like a crafting
40:28
event at the local queer pub. And then he runs into all of the
40:32
like, hardcore meth heads who've been like totally destroyed by
40:37
the city. They'll smoke anything, they'll
40:40
do anything, they'll flash anything, they'll fuck anything.
40:42
The Gremlins are queer, aren't they?
40:44
I think so. No, they are, yeah.
40:46
And like, they've come from like, a wholesome, you know,
40:49
morally right background, but things have gone a bit wrong in
40:53
the eyes of society, and they've been cast out as the villain.
40:57
So therefore, what do you do? You're going to fuck everything.
40:59
Now all they have left is pleasure seeking and who are we
41:02
going to stop them? Do they kill anyone who doesn't
41:05
deserve it? Debatable, but yeah, I don't
41:08
think they do actually. The racists.
41:10
The mean old lady who's like a capitalist.
41:13
The cops. Yeah, and then they're just like
41:15
to Gizmo, you're a little closet case bitch.
41:18
So we're just going to. Yeah, exactly.
41:20
So we're just going to fuck you up.
41:22
I don't even know where I'm going with it.
41:23
I'm so overwhelmed by this metaphor.
41:26
Now. That's amazing, yeah.
41:28
Yeah, I like it. Be gremlins, do crime.
41:34
That's a good merch. Also I don't know if you noticed
41:36
in this bar scene, but the lead gremlins stripe he's got a
41:41
prototype Greta on his arm. Yeah.
41:43
And I was like Trons. Yeah, yeah.
41:46
Trons or drag? No, yeah.
41:48
But yeah, both. Either way.
41:50
Drag is for all crystal. So I think there's a small
41:54
section of the queer community that that Gremlins is.
41:58
And are they the section we know?
42:00
Gay Land and the Dolls. Having a fucking great time.
42:05
So maybe for Gremlins 3, maybe they could all be Daiki.
42:09
Yeah, we that, that'd be good. Because we haven't I feel like
42:12
we're missing dyke representation in in gremlins.
42:15
But yeah, I liked that there was like a precursor to Greta at the
42:18
bar. Like they've, they've I.
42:20
Like, I like that it's kind of giving Smurf air.
42:22
Yeah. It's just one.
42:23
Yeah. It's like, yeah, I'm going to
42:25
take you all on. Yeah, I'm kind of like.
42:26
Fair play. And she's Kunti.
42:28
She, like, whispers into stripes here.
42:30
She's like. And then he shoots the other
42:32
card player. Yeah, with his tiny gremlin gun.
42:36
Okay, so then Billy and Kate run away and they hide her in the
42:39
bank. And this is where Kate Trauma
42:41
dumps. This is like she trauma shits.
42:44
This is like the diarrhea that comes out of her out of nowhere.
42:49
And they thought that this was just a great way because this
42:51
was one of the things parents and the people sort of making
42:55
the movie were like, we need to cut this.
42:57
We need to cut the scene because it's bringing too much of A
42:59
downer. But the director was like, no,
43:01
this is this is going to give some like real depth to the
43:03
character, isn't it? Can I read what she's?
43:06
Yeah, please. The worst thing that ever
43:09
happened to me on Christmas. Oh God, it was so horrible.
43:14
Billy's like, I didn't ask. Yeah, totally.
43:18
Well, it was Christmas Eve. I was nine years old, or you
43:23
know, like Billy could have been a lot older.
43:26
Me and my mom were decorating a tree, waiting for dad to come
43:29
home from work. A couple of hours went by.
43:32
Dad wasn't home, so mom called the office.
43:37
No answer. Christmas Day came and went and
43:42
still nothing. So the police began a search.
43:46
Four or five days went by. Neither one of us could eat or
43:50
sleep. Everything was falling apart.
43:55
It was snowing outside, the house was freezing so I went to
44:01
try to light up the fire. That's when I noticed the smell.
44:08
The fireman came and broke through the chimney top and me
44:10
and my mom were expecting them to pull out a dead cat or a bird
44:13
but instead they pulled out. My father burned and rotted.
44:20
He was dressed in a Santa Claus suit.
44:23
He'd been climbing down the chimney, his arms loaded with
44:27
presents. He was going to surprise us.
44:30
He slipped and broke his neck. He died instantly.
44:35
And that's how I found out there was no Santa Claus.
44:41
What the fuck sensation? Very good.
44:48
I've I have, I've got goosebumps.
44:50
Yeah, yeah, she's. And a wedding.
44:52
I can see it. I'm just going to say it.
44:54
I think she's a liar. I think she's a compulsive liar.
44:59
Yeah. Who just needs a bit of
45:01
attention. Oh yeah, she's totally yeah.
45:03
She's. Totally.
45:04
These gremlins are really stealing my Thunder and I'm
45:07
going to have to come up with something very outlandish and
45:09
she's to bring it back to. Me free falling with the story,
45:12
yeah, because it's like it goes down a really here.
45:15
Can you imagine her as an actor being like got this really meaty
45:20
scene where I'm just going to deliver like it's a real back
45:25
story to my character? Yeah, she tries to do a SEC.
45:28
A similar monologue in the second one doesn't.
45:30
She and then they. Cut it off.
45:32
Yeah, Yeah, it's good. It's one of the, like, weirdest
45:35
things that happens in the movie and is so memorable.
45:37
I think it's actually like, kind of great because it's so
45:40
jarring. And again, it's just one of
45:43
those things that whenever this movie is weird, I think it's
45:46
really fun because you're like, wait, what just happened?
45:49
Also, I just love how unnecessary it is in this kids
45:53
film. Yeah, a Christmas kids film.
45:55
Yeah. Like, imagine, like even
45:58
planting the idea into a kids mind that, oh, if your parents
46:04
dress up as Santa Claus, they could get burned alive or stuck
46:07
in a chimney for days. Or Santa could even if you
46:10
believe in Santa. But no, they're like, fuck you.
46:12
There is no Santa. And This is why.
46:18
Oh, I mean, that's a that is reason enough to hate Christmas,
46:21
I suppose. Yeah, I think it's a good enough
46:23
reason. Yeah, Yeah.
46:24
Why do you hate myself? Have a similar.
46:28
It all happened. Well, actually, my worst
46:30
Christmas is fucking disgusting. But I had crabs.
46:34
It really does make you feel very festive.
46:39
And yeah, I didn't know what crafts was.
46:40
I was my first unit my first year at uni, so I was very fresh
46:44
off the boat. Didn't understand kind of your.
46:46
Word. Gizmo.
46:48
I was totally Gizmo. And then, yeah, so I came back
46:50
home for Christmas. I was itching a bit, you know,
46:53
itching, scratching a bit. And I was like, this is a bit
46:55
weird, but you know what? Ebbs And then, you know, it was
46:58
getting really, really crazy. So I like went on the old dial
47:01
up Internet to try and sort of see what it could be.
47:05
And then one of the things that came up as an STD or you know,
47:08
was crabs, obviously. And then I was like, oh, and
47:11
like looking at this microscopic image of them and I was like,
47:14
well, I don't have that. Then I went and looked down and
47:18
then all over my Bush. Riddled.
47:22
Absolutely riddled. That was Christmas.
47:24
Eve about 11:00 at night. So I swear to God I'm not like,
47:32
so there was no pharmacist. There was no I also didn't
47:36
understand that you could just go to a chemist and get like a
47:39
lotion to put on it. I thought you had to go to a
47:41
proper clinic. So I spent Christmas Day at my
47:45
grandparents and I remember. Giving your grandparents crab.
47:50
Just remember sitting around the Christmas dinner table knowing I
47:54
had crabs, being absolutely riddled with them and just
47:57
itching. It really does make you feel
48:00
very festive. You never disappoint.
48:02
That was that was my Christmas. Wow.
48:05
And that's why I hate Christmas. And that's why.
48:08
I didn't ask. I'm putting that on social.
48:16
If you've been affected by any of the things that we said on
48:19
this podcast, you can get help. If you go to our website,
48:23
there'll be some links to. This is a great this is your
48:25
sign to get tested so that your results come in before Christmas
48:29
Eve. Fuck, and I know who it is as
48:31
well. Fucking dirty bastard.
48:33
I know who it was. So where were we gremlins?
48:38
Yeah, I this isn't as bad, but the first Christmas I spent at
48:43
my husband's family house, my mom sent me like a nudes.
48:51
My mom sent me like a care package of, like, Christmas
48:55
gifts to open on the day. And Tom's family is like, very
48:59
trad, Yeah, classic Christmas gifts.
49:02
Yeah. And my mom had sent basically a
49:05
box of witchcraft, and it was the last thing I opened and
49:09
everyone was still in the room. And one by one as I pulled
49:11
things out, they all just started leaving because they
49:13
were getting so uncomfortable. Things that included a bird's
49:16
skull, which she found she thought I'd enjoy, A bag of
49:20
dried mushrooms, which looked like magic mushrooms but
49:23
weren't. It looked like she sent me
49:24
drugs. I can't remember what else.
49:27
But the final thing was a pair of pants which she thought I had
49:30
left last time I'd visited, which were my sister's underwear
49:35
and they weren't clean. So I pulled out a pair of my
49:40
sister's knickers from my mother in front of my not then
49:47
husband's very conservative mother.
49:50
Why was your mother trolling you?
49:52
This is like bullying. So when we say they weren't
49:55
clean, did they have skid marks on them?
49:56
That's what I need to know. Yeah.
50:00
Nothing says Christmas like a skid mark, does it?
50:03
My mom, and she's the one who really got me into being so
50:07
festive at Christmas, I have to say.
50:09
And my mom's the kind of person you can't even explain to her
50:12
then why that looked and was bad.
50:16
She's like, no, I was just being comfortable.
50:21
I love that, Oh my God. Yep.
50:26
Oh. Wow, that's my mother.
50:27
I'm really glad to have shared those stories.
50:33
Some people open presents while other people are opening their
50:35
wrists. That's what Kate says.
50:41
I know it's over the top, but that's how fast about you.
50:45
Whoa. Anyway, where are we in
50:48
Gremlins? They go and find all the
50:50
gremlins who've gathered at the local movie theatre and they're
50:53
watching Snow White and singing along.
50:56
She's so like. Why?
50:59
So queer. So queer they're like, oh, a
51:02
bunch of men living by themselves in the woods in a
51:05
Hut. Love it.
51:08
Billy and Kate set off a gas explosion, killing them all
51:11
except for Stripe, who had left the theatre earlier to get some
51:14
candy from a department store. Candy.
51:18
Drugs. Yes, they're all on drugs.
51:21
Yes. Honestly, they are like day
51:23
three at whole festival, like when it starts to get really
51:26
frenzied. I can imagine.
51:28
Anyway, they follow Stripe into the department store and yeah,
51:31
this is where I fell asleep watching it.
51:33
It actually so I simply boring, but this is part I know we're
51:36
like picking it up but. Like this part is it?
51:39
This is when you what you were saying about it all getting a
51:41
little bit too chaotic and then. Especially when there's such
51:44
rich storytelling to be had. Yeah, but I did rewatch it today
51:48
to to find out what I missed. They basically fight Stripe
51:52
tries to kill them with a chainsaw, which I quite liked,
51:54
and then he finds a fountain and he's trying to spawn more
51:57
gremlins, but Gizmo is driving around in a toy car and drives
52:01
into a nearby skylight, which opens and kills Stripe by
52:06
melting him. Which is, again, another kind of
52:09
little camp nod to the Wizard of Oz really, isn't it?
52:11
Yeah, yeah, so true. It also reminded me of Vamp when
52:15
Grace Jones dies because it's kind of a similar sort of melty
52:18
and they spent a really long time watching her melt.
52:22
Yeah. Yeah, it's great.
52:23
Then it's the next day, and Mr. Wing from the store where the
52:27
dad got Gizmo arrives and takes Gizmo back.
52:31
He's He scolds the family for their negligence and criticizes
52:35
Western society for its carelessness with nature.
52:39
This is like a great statement at the end.
52:41
But he does say that Billy maybe would be ready to care for Gizmo
52:45
one day. The end.
52:47
Wow, wow, wow, wow. We wanted to do something real,
52:51
fun and festive. Yeah, you just mentioned this, I
52:54
guess is good jumping off place. But like, where's, where's the
52:57
plot? It felt like they were like so
53:01
obsessed with what they could make the Gremlins do that they
53:04
forgot to think about the fact that it's coherent storyline, an
53:08
arc, some character development would actually help tie the
53:11
whole thing together. I feel like they like set up a
53:14
lot of things that never get resolved and just overall the
53:17
story like it's missing something.
53:19
Yeah, it really is. And it's like, although like
53:22
Spike gets a little bit more evil, it it all kind of plateaus
53:26
at a level and it's that it's like comedy, but it's like
53:30
earlier we've had a bit more danger with like the mom and the
53:33
horror. It would be nice to kind of
53:34
amplify that for the end sequence to just feel a bit
53:38
more. And it just it just feels like
53:40
we're kind of going around in circles now.
53:42
And it looks great, but great. And it's super cute and funny
53:46
and sweet. Well, not sweet, but like, to me
53:49
it is. To us it might be.
53:50
But yeah, it's just kind of lacking something with the
53:53
story, exactly what you said. Yeah, because they like Kate.
53:57
What is her character? She doesn't like Christmas.
53:59
Yeah, nothing. There's a good reason.
54:00
There's a good reason and nothing changes.
54:03
Yeah. Oh, OK.
54:05
Oh, so you wanted a redemption art?
54:07
You wanted. To know I mean.
54:08
Maybe I do love Christmas art. That would.
54:10
Kind of make. Maybe the real Santa Claus came
54:13
down her chimney or in her chimney.
54:16
Or her chimney. Stop it.
54:20
Or some of those porn titles again.
54:23
Nadia. Nice.
54:24
She's getting it twice. Is that what you wanted for her?
54:27
I also would have liked it if she had had like a really anti
54:30
consumerist thing about Christmas as well and that she
54:34
was kind of right in the end and like kind of showed Billy that
54:39
like hating Christmas was kind of valid because it's gross and
54:42
capitalistic and it's there's too much consumption And like
54:46
actually she got proved right, but that doesn't happen.
54:49
The villains in this movie. I I think the people who are
54:52
supposed to be villains like are kind of that capitalist
54:56
consumerist stuff. Like Mrs. Deagle.
54:59
She's like a Scrooge. She's like wants to evict
55:01
everyone and hates poor people. So she gets punished.
55:04
She. Gets punished and then the bank
55:06
manager or like his Billy's colleague at the bank, he's like
55:10
obsessed with money. And I think there was supposed
55:12
to be a scene where he gets killed by the gremlins as well.
55:15
He gets tortured. So actually the gremlins.
55:18
So then why are we vilifying and killing the gremlins if they're
55:21
killing all the bad people? Yeah, it's kind of weird.
55:25
I basically think the movie doesn't really know what it's
55:27
trying to say or do with the gremlins because basically if
55:32
you look at what is gremlins an analogy for on the Internet,
55:37
basically, you name it, people have thought they are a
55:40
representation of that. People think that they're a very
55:42
racist representation of black people.
55:45
Really. Yeah.
55:47
Because of, like the music that they listen to, fried chicken,
55:50
like the clothes that they wear. They're kind of like a threat of
55:54
like, black youth culture, some people say.
55:57
I mean, this is also the thing that people love to do.
55:59
Don't know, They love to like, stack stuff with layers of
56:02
representation. Whereas actually it sounds like
56:05
they had a bunch of really fucking cool puppets and some
56:08
really talented people. And then they're like, oh, we
56:10
can't even be bothered to change the storyline from the 10 year
56:13
old boy to an adult. Yeah, I don't think it's that.
56:16
I think, I think what mostly what you're seeing is like the
56:20
film makers unconscious bias showing for the most part, or
56:23
they're like, it's a bunch of straight white men making a
56:26
movie and not thinking about any of that stuff and therefore
56:30
occasionally really stepping in it because they're Dum Dums who
56:33
don't have to think about that. And so therefore they've left a
56:38
lot of wide open goals where you, if you are like looking at
56:41
it critically, you're like, well, that's kind of weird.
56:44
You know, the shopkeeper is a good example of that.
56:46
It's just playing into racist stereotypes.
56:48
But then also like the way that they handle the neighbor who's
56:51
like a xenophobe and it just who goes on 2 tirades about like
56:55
foreign products, I hate foreign things, foreign things are bad.
56:59
It's like, well, what is the the movie trying to say about that?
57:02
Because gizmos foreign, like some people think that the
57:06
gremlins are a representation of Chinese goods coming into
57:10
America for the first time and how they're like ruining
57:14
American manufacturing. And again, I don't think the
57:16
movie necessarily thinks that, because I don't think the movie
57:18
thinks really anything. No, Yeah, yeah, yeah.
57:21
Some people think the gremlins are a representation of American
57:25
overconsumption, which I think is the best reading.
57:30
I also think some of these people need to turn their
57:32
academic brains into a different movie to analyse because I'm
57:35
just like, you're putting a lot into this.
57:37
Well, and then here we are being like we can enjoy this if we
57:41
think of them as game. That's always a fun thing to do,
57:43
totally. Totally, but we don't think that
57:46
the film makers intended it. No way.
57:49
No way. But yeah, all of that is
57:52
basically to say that it there's like so much amazing craft in
57:55
this movie when it comes to special effects and puppetry and
57:58
like the sets, like there's just really cool design elements.
58:01
And then when it comes to like, story, acting, plot.
58:06
Yeah. Yeah.
58:07
Motivations, consequences, they're like, oh, we'll figure
58:12
that out later. And then they just never
58:13
bothered to, Yeah. Come back to it.
58:14
No. I think that's I completely
58:16
agree with that. Yeah, like even the dog, like
58:18
the dog is set up at the beginning to like have narrative
58:21
value, and then nothing happens with the dog.
58:25
If the dog had died, that would have been better.
58:27
What is your thing with wanting this dog to die?
58:30
They were also supposed to go to a McDonald's apparently, and
58:33
they were going to eat all the customers, the gremlins they
58:35
were going to turn them into. Burgers that would have been
58:37
great as well. Oh OK so there was lots of fun
58:40
ideas. I wonder if the third one would
58:42
go dark. Yeah, that's what I would.
58:43
Love if it's going to just be a bit rebooty and just actually
58:47
let's think about merch, let's think about these toys that we
58:50
can sell. Well, and this, as was I think
58:52
Steven Spielberg's big thing, was just like, Gizmo is going to
58:57
make a great toy. Yeah, because there was also
58:59
like a cartoon series of gremlins.
59:02
Yeah, so again, not to harp on about this, but the original
59:05
script was that Gizmo turned into Stripe.
59:09
So Gizmo was the villain. He was the good guy and the bad
59:12
guy, and like he they had to kill Gizmo, but Steven Spielberg
59:16
nixed that so that they could basically sell Gizmo dolls.
59:20
I mean, it makes sense, doesn't it?
59:22
Yeah, but it makes for whenever, whenever you make a safe choice,
59:25
I think the movie becomes less interesting.
59:27
Doesn't it? Yeah.
59:29
But who knows? Like would we even be talking
59:30
about it if they'd gone for the dark root?
59:32
Like, would people have seen it? Would it have been a success?
59:35
Yeah, I think there's something in the fact that it's this kind
59:38
of mishmash and an accidental playing around with like kind of
59:42
levels and writing and horror and violence, whilst also like
59:47
it is seen as a legit Christmas film.
59:49
Yeah, it's weird it. Is weird.
59:51
It's also if you are watching us at Christmas and you are sort of
59:54
a non core Christmas person, which I'm sure some of the
59:58
listeners are right now. So you know you've had your
1:00:00
Christmas dinner. Oh, I've eaten too much food.
1:00:03
I need to fall asleep on the sofa.
1:00:05
Just watch the EastEnders or whatever.
1:00:09
You, you probably the perfect viewing because you're probably
1:00:11
just too fat and stuffed, aren't you, with food and drink that
1:00:14
you, it doesn't really matter. You're watching it and then
1:00:16
actually near the end where it gets a bit boring, you're just
1:00:19
actually just sort of fading off into a sleep.
1:00:22
So it's a great Christmas, great Christmas viewing, whereas I
1:00:26
wouldn't be doing that because I don't celebrate Christmas.
1:00:29
And a bone comes dead. I don't, I sit at home with my
1:00:33
dog and do non christmassy things.
1:00:35
And a bone comes dead like non christmassy things.
1:00:39
What, like goon? Goon.
1:00:44
That's how fast if I. The acting is also really bad.
1:00:47
Oh yeah, it's terrible. Like the well, the fact that
1:00:50
gremlins are better actors than the actual actors says it all.
1:00:54
The puppets are way they light up the screen whereas the actors
1:00:59
are all just a bunch of like even the fucking old woman who's
1:01:02
only 46 like this. If you're going to be a villain
1:01:06
you could have really done something way more villainous
1:01:09
with her rather than just plant like oh she's a bit evil.
1:01:12
Like have her torturing the dog and the gremlin save the dog but
1:01:17
you want the dog to die. No, that would be good too.
1:01:20
Just something else. But you know, I think they were
1:01:23
probably so excited by what they could do with these puppets and
1:01:26
like the fun that they were going to have with that, that
1:01:28
that felt like enough. And do you know what?
1:01:30
For an 80s an 80s film of this day, I'm OK with that as well.
1:01:34
And I think it's worth kind of commending it for that blending
1:01:39
of like horror and comedy, which I think is fun and interesting.
1:01:42
And it's like always kind of fun to watch.
1:01:44
Ghostbusters being another good example of that and like I think
1:01:48
the way it managed just kind of sneak in gross, subversive weird
1:01:54
stuff into like a family friendly movie just wouldn't
1:01:57
happen anymore. No.
1:01:59
And that's what was so good about the 80s kind of movies
1:02:01
because they were always doing weird stuff like that.
1:02:03
This one in particular. But I always feel like, yeah,
1:02:05
there's there's something. Yeah, yeah, there's risks
1:02:09
happening. There's like things that you
1:02:11
know, wouldn't have gotten past like a test audience or like a
1:02:16
all the studio execs that want to have an opinion on it.
1:02:21
So there's something kind of magical about the weird shitness
1:02:25
of this movie. Yeah, I was just thinking of
1:02:27
like a dark thing that I would do if I was with my director
1:02:32
brain on. Yeah, I would have her doing her
1:02:35
speech about the dead dad down the chimney.
1:02:37
And then I would get the gremlins to like, reenact it.
1:02:39
So she's like reliving it. And it's like, Oh my God, dad's
1:02:41
coming down. And it's like, then it's the
1:02:43
gremlins. And they're like laughing at her
1:02:45
like. They're like hanging gizmo down
1:02:48
the chimney. Or something they dug up his
1:02:51
dead body and dressed up as Santa Claus and they're like lol
1:02:55
is this triggering? That's.
1:02:56
Funny. Right.
1:02:58
Yeah, digging up a dead body is funny.
1:03:02
On the practical effects, just quickly.
1:03:04
So obviously Gizmo is like an animatronic puppet.
1:03:07
Yeah, it was all very complicated, very hard to do.
1:03:10
You love puppet chat, by the way, I love puppet chat.
1:03:14
You were talking about this puppet like you are.
1:03:16
You are into it. But what I found out about the
1:03:18
gremlins is that they're not animatronics.
1:03:21
They need to be handheld. Do you know what the technical
1:03:22
term for puppet is? Butt Puppet.
1:03:30
So how many butt puppets were there at once?
1:03:33
Well, that sounds like a good time.
1:03:35
In the cinema scene, the the. Double.
1:03:38
The puppeteers had one puppet on their head and one on each hand.
1:03:43
Yeah, they did. So they were three.
1:03:46
Three holes. Butt Puppeteer.
1:03:51
Just like Hole Festival. But how many could you do?
1:03:55
Anyway, where's where's our girl Goro?
1:03:58
When you need her, think of all the puppets she could operate.
1:04:01
Oh my God, she yeah, she'd be able to do it, wouldn't she?
1:04:03
She's on butt puppet island. I love I love butt puppets
1:04:07
again. Good.
1:04:08
Who came up with that term? Someone who's like this is
1:04:11
exactly what this is. Yeah, yeah, it's Butt Pub.
1:04:14
Yeah. Good band name too.
1:04:16
Yeah, great band name. Good good name for club night.
1:04:19
Good. Anything else?
1:04:22
No, I would like to leave the discussion at butt puppets.
1:04:25
OK, perfect. Let's rate this movie then.
1:04:29
So we need to give it one to 10 Merrill's for the quality and
1:04:33
one to 10 Elizas for the camp factor.
1:04:37
Well, for the monologue alone, I could imagine Merrill absolutely
1:04:40
killing that. Bringing crap to it, Yes.
1:04:44
Imagine Merrill in this movie. A young Merrill.
1:04:48
I mean, technically it's a great film if you are not talking
1:04:52
anything about the plot, right? So if it's just visually.
1:04:55
Yeah, the visuals are great. Special effects the.
1:04:57
Special effects are fantastic. Yeah, it just is really gorgeous
1:05:00
to look at and I think it's probably one of those films that
1:05:02
like you could just have on in the background and like notice
1:05:06
something new, especially in that like cinema scene, like
1:05:08
there's so much going on and yeah, little quick gags and
1:05:12
visuals so the. Bar scene too.
1:05:14
Yeah, there's so much cool. So much effort.
1:05:16
Which is great, but then it's complete and utter trash as a
1:05:20
story. Yeah, that's a shame.
1:05:22
It does kind of frustrate me because I think there is such a
1:05:24
good movie in there and they actually like set up, set it up
1:05:29
and then they just don't stick the landing.
1:05:31
Yeah. Not that like every movie needs
1:05:33
to be like a three-part story with like character development
1:05:37
and like strife at the beginning and then everyone learns a
1:05:39
lesson. But it's like, you do need some
1:05:42
of that something. Yeah.
1:05:44
Otherwise, like what? What's, what are you watching?
1:05:46
What's the point? What's the payoff?
1:05:49
But so like, what are we marking out Merrill's because we're
1:05:51
obviously it's not like it's not like Julianne Moore style drama,
1:05:55
but are we talking as like a kids fantasy movie or is the
1:05:59
fact is it crosses over into horror that we need to give it a
1:06:01
bit more of that as well? Yeah.
1:06:03
And I guess it probably got some points for like being kind of
1:06:07
groundbreaking for like setting a trend, Yeah.
1:06:11
For, like, when this came out in 84, it was pretty innovative, I
1:06:16
guess. And like, people love this
1:06:18
movie, don't they? Like I don't have that.
1:06:21
Feeling that means nothing. I don't have that feeling but
1:06:23
like and so I don't want to like piss on people's cornflakes, but
1:06:28
it's. Well, that's what we're here to
1:06:31
do sometime so. I don't know.
1:06:32
For me it's maybe in like normally when we're just talking
1:06:35
production design, it's like very low.
1:06:39
I'll maybe give it a couple more for and like go on like A4 or
1:06:43
A5. Yeah, I'm going to give it a
1:06:45
five, I think. Yeah, I'm going to give it a 5.
1:06:48
OK, I'll stick with my 4. So 4 Merrill's from me.
1:06:52
Groundbreaking. What about Eliza's?
1:06:55
Well, I think we've had a lot of fun.
1:06:57
We've had a lot of fun talking about.
1:06:58
That I think again, watching this with friends, OK, I watched
1:07:02
this this film alone, which kind of adds another layer of sadness
1:07:05
to it. I do think a lot of these films
1:07:07
are like. I need a couple of drinks.
1:07:10
I watched it with a drink and some friends last night.
1:07:13
And it wasn't. We all got bored and I fell
1:07:15
asleep. That's so upsetting.
1:07:19
Oh. Yeah, it just, I think there's
1:07:21
something about the pacing of the especially the last third
1:07:24
way, like I'm not actually having any fun anymore.
1:07:28
Yeah, I mean the the highs are high for me.
1:07:30
And like it is fun. It's fun comparing them to kind
1:07:34
of like people that we might know or situations we might
1:07:37
know. And that speech alone and like,
1:07:41
yeah, the burning of your own father at Christmas, I think
1:07:46
deserves. Yeah, that deserves a lot.
1:07:48
But overall, it doesn't sustain itself.
1:07:50
There are camper movies. I'm going to give it a 7.
1:07:54
Oh my God, I don't know. Go low if you if you feel it.
1:07:58
I see why it's a classic it I think there's something about it
1:08:01
that it just ends up feeling a little too mainstream to like,
1:08:05
really tickle me. I think I'm going to give it 6
1:08:07
sizes. Yeah, I think that's fair
1:08:12
enough. I I you're pretty dry here.
1:08:13
I don't see, like, much evidence of a wetty.
1:08:16
Yeah. So I think, you know, for a
1:08:18
Christmas movie, Sure. Yeah.
1:08:20
But it's, it's, it's a bit overrated, isn't it, as a movie?
1:08:24
I think it is overrated and I get why.
1:08:27
Like if you watch this as a kid, you've got fond memories for it,
1:08:30
like. And also, I think as a kid, it's
1:08:32
that excitement of like, oh, I've been allowed to watch this,
1:08:35
you know, I mean, it's like your first step into kind.
1:08:38
Of And the gremlins themselves are kind of kids, aren't they?
1:08:40
They're kind of like the bad, like it's being naughty.
1:08:43
And yet you've been. They've been killed and
1:08:45
destroyed for being themselves, for revealing their true
1:08:48
identity is going against the norms of society, and yet we
1:08:53
should massacre them for that. Yeah, I think that's quite an
1:08:56
important message actually. Take drugs.
1:08:59
Kill people. Be gremlins, do crime.
1:09:01
Yeah, love it. Merry Christmas everyone.
1:09:07
And please check if you do a lucky enough to have a chimney,
1:09:10
please check it Christmas. And Please remember to check
1:09:14
yourself for crabs. And do it before Christmas Eve
1:09:21
so you can get that lotion. In fact, I suggest having a
1:09:24
bottle of lotion just just just in case.
1:09:28
Just in case baby Liam comes to the Zero house this Christmas.
1:09:32
This furniture is riddled now. Sorry to the podcast studio.
1:09:35
It really does make you feel very festive.
1:09:38
OK, thanks for listening and we can't wait to tell you more
1:09:42
about our bodies in the year 2026.
1:09:45
Goodbye, bye. Get away from her, you bitch.
1:09:51
Classic. He was in the Amazon with my mom
1:09:55
when she was researching spiders right before she died.
1:09:58
No.