Latest / Mortgage Marketing Radio / Ep. 133 - Winning the Battle of Heroic Self vs Lesser Self

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Ep. 133 - Winning the Battle of Heroic Self vs Lesser Self · Mortgage Marketing Radio

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1:17
Welcome to Mortgage Marketing Radio.
1:19
And brought to you by the Mortgage Marketing Institute, your number one source for truth
1:24
in Mortgage Marketing.
1:25
Hey listeners, Jeff Zimfer and welcome to this episode of the Mortgage Marketing
1:30
Radio podcast.
1:31
So glad you're tuning in.
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I appreciate you.
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I know you're busy and you've got lots of things coming at you.
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So just the share factor making time to spend a little bit of your day with us.
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I appreciate it greatly.
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And as always, I want to give a shout out to one of our folks leaving reviews for the
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podcast.
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Now, quick shout out this week to Mark Oragel.
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If I'm pronouncing that correctly, Mark gives us five stars.
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Thank you, Mark.
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And here's what he says.
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Very informative.
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I just want to let you know that I've been listening to your podcast for a little under
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five months now.
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And I've got to say, I've learned so much.
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Keep up the wonderful content.
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Okay, so this week our episode is a little bit different in that.
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If you don't know it by now, on every Tuesday, I go live on the Facebook page at Mortgage
3:08
Marketing Institute and in the private group for Mortgage Marketing Radio, the podcast
3:13
community there.
3:14
So if you've been missing out on that, this is your exposure into what we're covering
3:18
there.
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It's a sample of what we do.
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And so this is basically taking that Facebook live and repurposing it and sharing it with
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you so that hope the hope is you want to come engage with us over on the Facebook page
3:31
at Mortgage Marketing Institute or if you're not in the podcast community on Facebook, you
3:35
can do that as well.
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As I said, go to Facebook Simply Search Mortgage Marketing Radio podcast and I'll put links
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to everything down in the show notes.
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And in today's episode, what we're doing is we're unpacking this concept of the heroic
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self versus the lesser self and that all of us have both within.
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And I share some relevant stories through conversations I've recently had with my two teenage
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boys and the challenges of helping them identify the heroic versus lesser self, the sometimes
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negative self cop talk and stories that we have with ourselves.
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And so I share some concepts when we unpack this, such as us being we are defined by the
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story we tell ourselves.
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And what game are you playing?
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Are you playing the game of constant and never earning improvement?
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If not, why not, right?
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And understand that it's not about success, it's not all pretty and packaged up and you
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know, in a nice box with a bow that looks all pretty and nice and neat.
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No, success is messy, right?
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And we unpack how to embrace that.
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We unpack how to be on a mission to defeat your lesser self.
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And what is the difference between the two selves, the heroic versus the lesser, right?
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And are you living a challenge based life by doing the hard stuff?
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We're forcing ourselves to grow and become stronger.
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So here's some relevant stories about myself with my kids, my family and my spouse, some
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of my own personal challenges, lately with the lesser self voice kind of winning.
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And so I hope you enjoy kind of just a sneak peek at what happens in the Facebook page
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and the group with our truth talk Tuesdays.
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I love to have you guys tune in for those as well.
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So I hope you like this episode without further ado, let's get into this week's show.
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So I've been thinking about what I talked about this weekend.
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So I'm just going to share with you some, you know, the personal stuff, something I've
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been struggling with.
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And maybe you struggle with this with this as well.
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And it actually comes out of a reading that I came across my destiny by a guy I now
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and follow Ryan Fletcher.
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And so he kind of inspired me to kind of share this message.
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But also I've been trying to have these kind of conversations with my kids.
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I got two teenage boys, one 17, one's 15, Zach is the older one, 17, Jackson is the, you
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know, go in 15.
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And, you know, I don't know about you, but, you know, grown up, I didn't really have
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a lot of, you know, people, parents or mentors, whatever, right, trying to guide my thinking
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and create awareness for me and instill and build those habits and thoughts and patterns
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that were going to help me on this journey of life, right?
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Because let's face it, this can be a tough road at times.
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And so, as I said, you know, from my buddy Ryan Fletcher, I got this concept of the heroic
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self versus the lesser self.
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And I started sharing this concept with my kids and they said they'd be open to talking
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about it more and more.
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And it's funny dealing with a teenager, right?
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I'm seeing a little more of sometimes the lesser self show up because let's face it
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as teenagers, you know, my mom always makes a joke and says, hey, that, you know, he reminds
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me of you, Zach reminds me of you.
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When you were a teenager, sleeping until 12 or 1 or whatever, I'm like, I don't want
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to hear that mom.
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As that's not me now.
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And here's the thing, guys, right?
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We are defined by the story we tell ourselves, okay?
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And so the question is, what is the story you're telling yourself every single day?
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And as I unpack this conversation with my kids just the other night, the younger one, it
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takes them a little while longer to take this on.
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But, you know, I told them that, you know, the degree of success, the things you want in
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your life are going to come down to the stories, right?
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You tell yourself.
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And I'll give you an example of that with my older son, Zach, who's now 17, achieved
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his black belt when he was like 13 years old.
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So kudos to him, right?
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He's kind of, he's always kind of had that extra element to him of being that go-getter
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in certain ways.
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However, right?
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I've seen that kind of Wayne since he got his black belt and didn't go on and decided
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not to go on to different levels and so forth.
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I've seen him fall into patterns of being his lesser self.
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And I'm going to tie this into what this means for business in a minute, right?
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Well, look, there's few things that are more defeating in life than making it to the end
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of something that you struggle to compete or to complete, only to realize that you screwed
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up and you have to start over or it didn't work out as planned.
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Or it's not as, quote, easy as you thought it was, right?
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Maybe pursuing that business relationship that doesn't mean your expectations.
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Maybe that personal relationship.
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And I can tell you personally on multiple occasions, I've screwed up.
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Things didn't turn out the way I wanted them to.
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I've recorded podcasts and video sessions multiple times where I never hit record.
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I've had a videographer actually just recently filmed a presentation only to realize that
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the mic wasn't connected.
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And so all that time and all that effort went into that and it didn't turn out the way
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I planned.
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So look at in life, stuff happens, right?
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Here's the reality, right?
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Success isn't packaged up in a nice pretty box with a bow on it.
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Success can be messy.
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It's a matter of fact, oftentimes success is messy.
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It's not necessarily that beautiful, selfie life we live on social media that everything
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was packaged and pretty and perfect, that ain't how it happens, okay?
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Here to tell you, things don't always neatly fall in place.
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This gets back into the question I asked you, what are the stories you're telling yourself?
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And what are the stories you, you know, the patterns you fall into when that happens, okay?
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And what is the game you're playing?
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So as I tried to relate to my kids, is that the battle between the heroic self and the
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lesser self.
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The heroic self is that person that shows up, that takes action, that follows through,
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that says, yes, that make, you know what I mean, breaks through walls and is positive and
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go, you know, all that stuff.
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And that's awesome, right?
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Somebody who's playing the game of constant and never ending improvement, the 1% or the
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1% journey, right?
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That's the heroic self.
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The lesser self is the opposite.
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The lesser self is that person who gives it.
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The person who gets weak, gets tired.
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And look at guys, we all get weak and tired.
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That's being a human.
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We all want to maybe push the time out button.
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And as I share with my kids, right, it's a daily battle, the daily battle between heroic
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self and lesser self.
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And it's really a matter of who's winning that day, that moment.
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Some days your heroic self will win.
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Some other days, the lesser self will win and you'll take the easier route.
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You'll want to be frustrated and shout and get pissed off and angry and mad like my son
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in going for his black belt, right?
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When he was going for his black belt, age 13, he'd come home from practice and he would
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be, he would vent his frustration, right?
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The teacher is too hard.
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I can't do that move.
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I did it right and they're not allowing me to go to the next level.
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Whatever the excuse is, whatever the story is that he was telling himself.
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That was the lesser self, right?
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And so in this case, my son Zach, right, was more vocal in his frustration as am I.
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And so I just asked him a question.
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I go, you know, and then I ask you a question, Zach, your instructor, Mr. Lee, he's a seventh
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degree black belt, right?
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How many times do you think he had tried moves and failed or he had to go back to square
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one or he had to start over again or he had a down day where he wishes it was easier or
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not so hard?
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And even with being frustrated, did Mr. Master Lee feel like it wasn't fair sometimes,
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probably because life isn't fair sometimes.
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But the real question is, who's going to win?
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Did he quit?
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No.
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Seventh degree black belt.
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He didn't quit.
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You're defined by the story you tell yourself.
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And the more you can master the story, you tell yourself in a consistent daily basis,
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the more your heroic self is going to beat and defeat your lesser self.
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So back to the conversation I'm sharing with my kids, right?
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This example of the 1% journey, I asked them, did you know what that means?
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And if you guys look at you're in the mortgage business, so you know the probably the kind
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of old school classic example is if you take a penny and you compound that penny, right?
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1% every day.
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What happens when a penny gets doubled every single day for 30 days?
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You go from having a penny to ending up over $5 million in 30 days.
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And I share that with my kids so that they understand the power of compound growth.
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That it's not one day, right?
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It's not that you're having a back.
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It's about what are you doing consistently over time, right?
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And it's okay.
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Take a break.
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Go to the beach, right?
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Take a break.
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We all need that.
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But the point is, are you traveling that 1% journey?
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Are you making those consistent small little improvements every day?
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What is the story you're telling yourself, right?
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I told them, I'm on a mission.
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Here's the key.
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I'm on a mission.
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I want to try and convey to them to be on a mission to defeat your lesser self, right?
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Heroic self to become something more, to be to allow the heroic self to grow and
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in step into your greatness, you've got to defeat the lesser self.
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And it is a battle between two opposing forces.
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And I also share with them that I choose to live what I'll call the challenged based
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life.
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Okay.
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And I'm looking at them now as teenagers and I'm looking for ways that they're challenging
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themselves or are they taking the easy road out?
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And if anybody's got teenagers here, give me a shout out.
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Let me know.
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Amen.
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It's obviously it's kind of a new space for me in this, you know, parenting thing.
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For instance, one of the challenges that I have with my older son is getting up on time,
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right?
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For school.
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And getting up with about 12 minutes before he needs to eat something you get out the
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door, right?
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And my, what I'm trying to instill in him is to do, that's your lesser, lesser self,
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man.
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Okay.
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Heroic self, what would he do, right, to be better prepared like this morning?
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He comes down all frantic and freaking out about like, I don't have the right t-shirt
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to wear underneath, right?
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And I'm like, dude, you should have worked this out last night.
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Right?
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I make a joke with him sometimes.
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I say, you know, you should, because we have been doing things too long for them,
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right?
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Kind of enabling in some ways with preparing for them for the school morning.
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I said, from that one, you got to pack your own parachute, man.
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Yeah.
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I mean, you're 17, you're going 18, bro, it's time you took charge and you took responsibility
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of your day.
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So don't wake up with 12 minutes to go and be freaking out looking for your clothes, prepare
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it the night before, have it laid out the night before, anal, I don't know, okay?
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Point is, is what, you know, the systems, I want them to develop systems and habits that
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are going to help them succeed in life.
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And I do believe that being prepared is one of those systems and habits, right?
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That's the heroic self, taking charge, taking the lesser self is putting it off, saying
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whatever we'll figure it out, I'll make it happen.
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And so I'm also trying to convince them to live a challenge-based life, and hopefully
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I'm living the example of living a challenge-based life physically, relationally with my wife,
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Cindy, of 19 years now, is it always been easy?
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No.
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You're self creeped in and created issues, sure, does my lesser self have this little voice
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that says stuff to me, that's probably not the right stuff to hear, absolutely.
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But in those moments of decision, right, you've got to drown out that lesser self and say,
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no, I'm bigger than this, I'm better than this.
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And sometimes it comes down to just sheer grit, right?
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Sheer grit.
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So my challenge to you watching is, are you living a challenge-based life?
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Where are you challenging yourself in business?
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How about personally, physically, emotionally?
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Because by doing the hard stuff, as I told my kids, we force ourselves to grow and become
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stronger.
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If all you ever do is flatline and live here, right, you never challenge yourself to go above,
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you never really get to experience your true greatness, your true genius.
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And there's the philosophy from my buddy, Fletcher, who basically typed this up on his
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Facebook post that talked about that, here's the philosophy I'm taking on, I am becoming
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harder to kill every day.
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What I mean by that is my hero itself, the vision of who I want to be of like my ideal
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version.
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Because we all have different, right?
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I could just say forget it, done with this, the Facebook and the mortgage-market institute
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and the groups and the providing classes and the coaching and training, I'd be just
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like, forget it, done.
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I'm going to go work it wherever, right, and just going to phone it in and take it easy
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and drink my beer on the weekends, I have, you know, whatever, I could do that.
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My lesser self would love that.
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But my hero itself says, no, Jeff, you're made for something more.
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You are divinely created, right?
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And as I grow and I adopt and accept and step into more of my hero itself, my lesser self
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slowly dies off and my heroic self is harder to kill every day.
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That's why you train physically, right?
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So you're harder, you know, it's funny, I hate to sound rude or disrespectful, but why
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if I were looking at a picture of somebody, right?
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And they posted pictures of all this kind of stuff, hadn't seen people in a year, and
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I know, look, people have physical challenges or whatnot, but have you ever noticed where
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people is clearly that they've let themselves go, that they've made the choices, they've
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let the lesser self take control of the harder self and they've, quote, let themselves
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go?
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And I'm not passing judgment or anything like that.
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I'm just saying, look, every day you have a choice of who you're going to be, right?
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And are you challenging yourself?
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And the comment I made was, you know, listen, my heart goes out to that person, but however,
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somebody who clearly is taking the easy route, the non-challenged life, listen, I back
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in the day used to be over 30, about 36 pounds overweight, 20 plus years ago, right?
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What happened for me?
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I decided to buy into my heroic self and to shut down my lesser self and say, you know
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what?
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I'm in my 20s, there's no reason why I should be 40 pounds overweight.
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So I took charge, I did something about it, right?
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That's living the challenge life.
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Was it easy?
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No.
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Is it easy right now to go after this to go out into my garage where it's 90 degrees and
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do a 30 minute right workout and sweat and work and, you know, no, it's not easy, but
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that's the challenge based life because if you challenge yourself physically, mentally,
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relationally, right?
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By doing the hard stuff you grow, you become stronger.
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So what is the hard stuff for you?
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I'd love to see your comment here.
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What is the hard stuff for you?
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Is it the physical aspect?
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Is it working out, exercising, eating, right?
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Liz, I know you're doing the keto stuff and that's hard.
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That's not easy.
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But I know you've got benefits from it.
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I know you're better physically from it.
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How about you Kenny?
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What's the hard for you?
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What's the challenge for you?
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And will you resolve to defeat your lesser self and know this that it takes time?
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Do you expect immediate results or does the journey to killing off the lesser self take
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time?
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It takes time.
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It takes time because that lesser self has been hanging in there a while, man.
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That lesser self is like a skilled boxer, right?
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Here we go.
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That's why I brought up the boxing glove, right?
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That lesser self can hang in there for some rounds.
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It can give you some punches, right?
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And all in blows and knock you back down and say, no, heroic self, you're sitting this
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one out.
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But then you got to get back up.
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So Liz, just finished your keto shake.
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I compliment you for that Kenny, yeah, physical aspect kicks your ass, need to get info
20:26
and keto from Liz.
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Look, whatever it is, guys, we're on our own journey, whether it's keto, whether it's
20:30
just taking that 20 minute walk a day, carving out time in your calendar to make that happen,
20:36
maybe working out with your spouse or significant other.
20:40
But in this business, right?
20:41
It demands energy.
20:42
This business can be draining and challenging and if we're not showing up with our physical
20:46
and our emotional and mental self ready, we're not going to perform at our best.
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So the question I leave with you guys today, I guess is what BS have you been accepting?
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What BS story?
20:58
Have you been allowing to creep in?
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Lies, lies, lies about you, about your potential, your self-worth, your lesser self-chirping,
21:14
talking?
21:17
So sometimes so softly, we don't even notice that it's actually there, but it is.
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I'm asking you to pay attention to that voice of that lesser self and resolve to defeat it,
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except that you have greatness within you, that you are divinely created.
21:38
Take on the challenge of being your heroic self, more and more and more and then that will
21:46
be the natural state for most of the time with which you live in, and remember to take
21:55
deep breaths, ask better questions, what can I learn from this?
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Is there any possibility I haven't yet considered?
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And who's winning the conversation of the day?
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Is it the lesser self or is it the heroic self?
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Lies, thank you for sharing your BS story, you could wake up at 6 a.m. and it would be okay,
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and I didn't realize that my 4 a.m. is other 7 wake up going on one week or 4 a.m.
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So you're seeing you get up at 4 a.m. now?
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Lies, is that what you're saying?
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Ah, Kenny, since I retired from being a deputy, I left the lesser self-go.
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Awesome, congratulations.
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Good for you.
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Guys, if you have kids at whatever age, if they're old enough to understand language,
22:47
these are the kind of conversations to have for them.
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I wish I had done some of more of this younger when they were younger, but now I see it's
22:55
incredibly important to do as they enter younger adulthood.
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So I guess in closing, yeah, okay, so now you wake up at 4 a.m. and you were telling
23:08
yourself a story that you couldn't do it, yeah, I get it.
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And I've done that as well, and it's funny because I'm sure you notice this list when
23:19
people hear that you wake up at 4 a.m. or 4 30 or 5, whatever it is, it's not about the
23:23
number, right?
23:24
Lies is waking up at that time for a purpose and a reason, not just to be one of those,
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hey, you know, Gary Veech, since I should wake up at 4 a.m., right?
23:32
What's right for one person isn't right for everybody, okay?
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We all have different lives and things going on.
23:39
But what I was going to say, Lies, is it's funny, is like, you know, when you start telling
23:42
people that, right, you've probably got some reactions, like, oh my God, how do you,
23:46
whoa, how do you do that?
23:48
Oh, I could never, oh, you know, whatever, you hear a bunch of BS and noise.
23:54
And I don't know about you.
23:55
Like when I said an intention to get up at 4 30, whatever it is, I don't need an alarm
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clock.
24:02
My brain wakes up and now here's what happens.
24:05
I've been struggling with this slightly too, guys, because Lies, I used to get up at
24:08
4 30, particularly with me writing a book.
24:10
All right, here's the last little truth teller and then I got to go, let you guys go.
24:14
So some of you may or may not know, I've been writing a book.
24:16
It's called Disruptor Die Survive, how to survive and thrive, the digital real estate
24:20
disruption.
24:21
It's both a real estate agents and loan officers and there'll be an opportunity for you
24:24
to get your own kind of, you know, branded version of that that you can give to real estate
24:29
agents.
24:30
All right.
24:31
So let's look, intention and commitment right now that that book is, yeah, Lies, everyone
24:36
says that, that that book is going to be ready October 1st.
24:43
And it's been a struggle.
24:46
I was getting up at 4 30 a.m. to have that quiet time to be able to write uninterrupted
24:51
for 90 minutes and it was going along really well.
24:55
But lately, the lesser self has been chiming in and winning.
25:00
I got, to be honest with you, I got tired, I got tired getting up at 4 30, writing
25:04
for an hour and a half or so and then working all day and then the family and the commitments
25:08
and the that and the, what does that start sounding like?
25:12
Start sounding like the story I'm telling myself and a better response to just giving in
25:18
and saying, oh, you know what, you're right or like God bless our heart.
25:21
My mom, right, would you say, hey, you know, you're tired.
25:24
Why don't you go to bed, honey?
25:26
Why don't you, gee, you sure are working hard?
25:28
Why don't you give yourself a break?
25:32
All those people who mean well, what's up, Michael?
25:34
Who mean well, but who don't understand, we're on a friggin' journey to be our heroic self
25:41
and that those people who are okay with those stories and those excuses coming in, that
25:47
is the lesser self and the lesser self sure sounds sexy, doesn't it?
25:56
The lesser self likes to just go hit happy hour and go hang with the buds and go watch
26:02
football every weekend and hang out at the bar and drink and not work out and not take
26:07
care of your body and not spend time with your kids and your family, right?
26:11
The lesser self is the one who says, yeah, it is about time.
26:14
You just kind of, well, who do you think you are?
26:17
Why don't you slow down?
26:20
It's about him.
26:23
It's about him.
26:26
So it's time for me to shut that lesser voice down and get back on track with my heroic
26:34
self because we got stuff to do.
26:38
We got people to impact lives to change and we, if you have other people in your life
26:43
that you care about that are influenced by watching you, it's more about your actions
26:49
and who you are, who you are, are being than what you are saying.
26:55
So even though as I said earlier, I wish I would have trained my kids so to speak in
27:00
like this lesser self heroic self earlier, I know that the kids have been watching me
27:05
for the last 10 years in terms of physically and working out at my commitment level to
27:10
that, in terms of my relationship with my wife while not perfect far from it challenges
27:16
and we don't let the lesser self win and say forget it, let's throw in the towel.
27:22
When life gets hard and it gets us down and shit happens, you know, how do we respond
27:27
and we react and do we have a general positive demeanor every day?
27:31
Folks, that's the heroic self that I want you to invite in, invite in.
27:37
Shut the door to the lesser self.
27:41
That he's going to be kicking it, he's going to be banging on that door and sometimes
27:45
they're going to creep in.
27:46
You might leave a window open, you might somebody might come visit who happens to bring
27:50
the lesser self with them and then you feel a little bit of that after they leave and
27:55
that's okay.
27:56
Just know that it's a process, it takes time, it's a journey, remember that penny compound
28:01
in 1% a day, compound over time, it's not about the one day, it's like if you screw up
28:08
one day, if you have that, you know, I mean to use that silly example of like ice cream
28:12
or pizza.
28:13
I believe you should enjoy life, right?
28:14
Liz unfortunately, you can't have pizza, unless there's a keto friendly pizza which
28:19
there probably is now, right?
28:23
Don't get so down on yourself and realize that it's just one day and get back on that
28:28
horse and get back on that track to living your heroic self.
28:32
Thanks for listening to Mortgage Marketing Radio, one more truth in Mortgage Marketing,
28:37
get more free training and resources at MortgageMarketingInstitute.com.
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