Latest / Life Lived Better / Episode 142: Forgiveness

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Episode 142: Forgiveness · Life Lived Better

0:03
Hi, this is Paula. And I'm Joseph, and you're
0:06
listening to LIFE Live Better. Welcome back to the Life Live
0:12
Better podcast, everyone. You know, we are all about
0:14
mental Wellness, personal growth, and making life feel a
0:18
little lighter here. And as always, we are grateful
0:21
to have you join us for this episode.
0:24
Before we jump into our topic, though, let's check in.
0:27
Paula, how are you doing? I'm doing well.
0:29
I just sent my son and his wife off.
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They came home for the weekend. We had a great time with them,
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made burgers for like about 20 of their friends last night and
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they are now back on the road to Oklahoma.
0:43
And we won't we'll see them again at Christmas.
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But enjoyed their little kind of surprise visit.
0:49
Yeah. How about y'all?
0:51
What are y'all doing over in your home?
0:52
Oh. My goodness, we've been so busy.
0:54
Just tons of tons of stuff going on and activities and you know,
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the holidays are here and we have Christmas parties coming up
1:02
and get togethers like every weekend leading up to Christmas.
1:06
And we don't actually have anything going on Christmas, I
1:09
don't think. But I'm sure some some then
1:10
we'll come up. But like last night we went to
1:14
the Arboretum for the 12 days of Christmas and that was really
1:17
cool and then over to a friends house afterward and I stayed up
1:21
way too late. My bedtime is usually 830 or 9
1:24
and we didn't get home till midnight.
1:26
So old. No, if you knew what time I was
1:30
in bed, that is awesome. Well, as you do all those
1:35
Christmas parties, throw out the idea of listening to our
1:38
previous episode on how to deal with holiday stress.
1:41
Yeah, I've been mentioning it to people because that was a good
1:44
one. It's pretty good information.
1:46
Yeah, definitely, definitely. Well, Speaking of, what are we
1:49
talking about today? Well, today we're talking about
1:52
forgiveness, something that sounds simple but can kind of
1:55
feel impossible at times, you know?
1:58
So whether it's forgiving someone else or that hard, hard
2:02
one, forgiving ourselves, this can probably be one of the most
2:05
emotional challenges we face. I know for me it is.
2:09
I remember, I remember the event where I decided to forgive
2:14
myself. It was overwhelming.
2:17
Yeah, yeah, it is definitely one of the more challenging things
2:21
to do in life. So just a brief overview of
2:23
what's coming up. On this episode, we're going to
2:26
be discussing the psychology of forgiveness, myths about
2:29
forgiveness, and practical ways to move forward when you're
2:33
working on forgiveness. So take just a moment to
2:36
consider this for yourself, everybody.
2:38
Is there someone or even something you're still holding
2:42
on to? You know?
2:43
And then think about the reason you haven't forgiven it yet and
2:47
letting it, you kind of let it go, you know, And what would
2:50
your life look like if you could forgive and let go it?
2:53
Would be so much simpler, right? Do you have anything you can
2:57
think of? Yes, yes, yes.
3:00
It is. I talked to my son about that
3:03
this weekend because they're kind of, he'll be graduating law
3:06
school in May and they're starting to consider when will
3:10
they be having children. And we had that conversation of
3:14
what it's like to be a parent. And, and I told him, I said
3:18
something about, and then you can leave the baby with us all
3:20
the time. I said, oh, but then again, we
3:22
were your parents. So, you know, everything we did
3:25
wrong. And I sometimes think about that
3:27
still, like I wish that I could go back and change some of the
3:30
things as a parent that I did wrong.
3:33
And he looked at me and it made me want to cry.
3:35
He said, Mom, but you do too. You know what you did wrong, and
3:39
I know you won't do that again. And I was like, but I still do
3:44
think it. And it's not like I did.
3:46
I mean, I I never spanked him. I never.
3:48
It's not like I did anything drastic.
3:51
It's just I wanted to be perfect.
3:53
And of course I couldn't be. And none of us ever will be.
3:58
And he's the outcome has been good.
4:00
My son's a pretty cool kid. Yeah, actually cool young
4:04
adults. Yeah, well if it gives you any
4:07
comfort, I've not worked with a single parent that has not had
4:11
some kind of regret about how they parented.
4:14
That does help me, thank you. What about you?
4:16
You got one now that I went and confessed.
4:19
I, you know, I'm you were reading it.
4:21
I was trying to think and I don't, I can't, can't really
4:25
think of anything that I'm holding on to.
4:27
I'm pretty much somebody was telling me that work the other
4:29
day, one of my coworkers, she was like, I don't know how you
4:31
just like let things roll off your back and let things go like
4:35
you do. And I'm just like, well, I just
4:37
don't see the point and holding on to things and getting upset
4:41
about things that are outside of my control.
4:44
It just doesn't, you know, doesn't make a lot of sense to
4:47
me. So I'm pretty good about just
4:49
kind of letting things go. I will say I definitely struggle
4:51
with forgiveness in certain situations like in my life, but
4:55
currently I can't think of anything off the top.
4:58
Of mind. That's wonderful because life is
5:00
short. I mean, I bet we're not gonna
5:03
look at the end of our life and think, I wish I would have held
5:05
on to that just a little bit longer.
5:07
Right, right. Well, let's talk a little bit
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about why it's important to forgive, some reasons that it
5:14
why it matters. So 1st, the mental health
5:17
benefits of forgiveness. It reduces our stress and our
5:19
anxiety. Letting go of resentment lowers
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physiological stress responses like elevated heart rate and
5:26
cortisol levels. And fun fact, cortisol also
5:30
leads to belly fat. I'm gone.
5:32
Gone. How it causes us to retain belly
5:36
fat I've I learned that years ago.
5:39
It also helps quiet intrusive thoughts tied to like anger and
5:43
betrayal. So lots of mental health
5:45
benefits. What are some?
5:46
It's good. It also lowers the risk of
5:48
depression. And when people practice
5:50
forgiveness, they often report fewer depressive symptoms and
5:54
have more optimism. And it also interrupts that
5:57
cycle of rumination. You know, when we endlessly play
6:01
those or replay those of how we were wronged, Why?
6:05
How we wronged people? That's tiring.
6:08
It is exhausting. I call it marinating.
6:11
That's exactly what you're doing it like in a little Ziploc bag
6:15
in the fridge. Well, it also improves our focus
6:19
and our mental clarity. So carrying anger and bitterness
6:21
can consume our mental bandwidth.
6:24
It really can kind of take over, takes up a lot of real estate
6:28
and forgiveness, frees cognitive space and helps us restore our
6:31
concentration and really helps us get, you know, game
6:34
perspective. It also enhances our emotional
6:37
regulation. Forgiving people show stronger
6:40
emotional resilience and less reactivity when they're facing
6:44
stress. And so it will also help us
6:46
cultivate patients, empathy, compassion.
6:49
Those skills will help us promote mental balance in our
6:52
lives. Absolutely.
6:53
Well, let's take a look at the emotional and relational
6:56
benefit. Well, it promotes inner peace.
6:59
Forgiveness brings relief often, and a sense of release from the
7:04
emotional weight of holding on to maybe a grudge.
7:07
Many describe it as reclaiming energy and emotional freedom
7:11
like that. It will also strengthen our
7:13
empathy and compassion. The process of forgiveness will
7:17
deeper our understanding of human imperfection.
7:20
You know, both of our own imperfection and of others,
7:23
which can increase our emotional connection and reduce us feeling
7:28
isolated from others. It improves our self esteem and
7:31
our self worth. That's huge.
7:32
So when we forgive ourselves, it helps us dismantle shame and
7:37
guilt, allowing self acceptance and time to grow right.
7:41
And forgiveness reinforces the belief that we are capable of
7:44
change and end of healing. It will enhance our
7:47
relationships. You know, even if reconciliation
7:50
with someone is impossible, forgiveness can improve how we
7:54
relate to other people just in general.
7:57
And that helps us approach approach relationships with less
8:00
defensiveness and more trust. Have you met people who just do
8:04
not trust? And that's tough when, like, you
8:08
first meet them and you've not done anything to to earn that
8:12
from them. They just don't trust people.
8:15
Yeah, I might have been that way before.
8:18
Same. Well, let's talk a little bit
8:21
about the physical health connection.
8:23
So it's hard to kind of see how physically this could impact us,
8:26
but our emotions often, you know, affect us physically and
8:29
emotionally. While forgiveness is primarily
8:32
emotional, studies show tangible physical benefit like lowering
8:36
blood pressure, better immune function, improved sleep
8:40
quality, and reduced chronic pain.
8:42
Those are huge. So as soon as I get off of this
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this podcast recording, I will be calling my therapist.
8:48
Those are my primary symptoms. Wow.
8:52
OK, so in essence, forgiveness is less about freeing the other
8:56
person and more about freeing ourselves.
8:59
That's so much, you know, it really does help restore Peace
9:03
of Mind, emotional balance, and then the ability to move forward
9:07
without being defined by our past, which I truly think we
9:11
should all want to do that. Absolutely.
9:13
Well, let's talk a little bit about the emotional weight of
9:15
holding on to anger. And what that looks like is
9:20
oftentimes resentment, guilt. Those are not things you want to
9:24
be feeling on a regular basis. So when we hold on to anger and
9:27
resentment or guilt, it can carry a significant emotional
9:30
weight that impacts us mentally, impacts us emotionally, and even
9:34
like I said, physically it starts to affect our well-being.
9:37
In the context of forgiveness, this weight is especially
9:40
important to understand. So some things to kind of pay
9:43
attention to chronic stress and emotional drain, anger and
9:47
resentment keep the mind in a steady state of vigilance or
9:51
that fight mode which elevates our stress hormone like
9:54
cortisol. This ongoing stress can really
9:56
lead to things like anxiety, depression, and even difficulty
10:01
concentrating. I picture that person in my mind
10:04
just that always is ready for a fight, you know, just always
10:08
ready to be defensive. And I think that really impacts
10:11
you in all walks of your life. And it's hard to be around them.
10:16
There's also emotional stagnation.
10:19
You know, clinging to guilt or resentment will keep us tied to
10:23
past events. And that prevents us kind of
10:25
from emotional growth, healing and kind of moving forward.
10:28
So it can be really hard to experience joy and empathy and
10:32
peace in the now whenever the past just dominates everything.
10:37
And it's so hard living in the past and I see people struggling
10:40
with that and I just, I want to like shake them and just say,
10:43
and that's why do. Some work.
10:44
Get to a better place like you don't have to live like this.
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That's what forgiveness is all about, really, isn't it?
10:50
Because it's all about something from the past.
10:52
Right. Well, it also causes a
10:54
relationship strain, so harboring negative emotions
10:57
often leads to projecting blame or withdrawal from others, which
11:02
can really damage your relationship.
11:04
And it doesn't always mean reconciliation, but it can free
11:08
us from patterns that hurt our connections with other people.
11:12
Sometimes that resentment and stuff we're hanging on to just
11:15
like a boiling hot something we're holding on to.
11:18
So when we finally let it go, we realized how much it was painful
11:22
and harmful, holding on to it, right?
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There's also a lot of internalized harm.
11:28
You know, guilt especially can manifest as self criticism or
11:32
self punishment. And that lowers our self esteem.
11:35
And it really does feel that cycle for shame and anger and
11:39
resentment causes a lot of that marination rumination that we
11:42
talked about, which will keep those wounds just wide open
11:46
instead of allowing them to close like they need to.
11:48
So forgiveness really is less about excusing harmful behaviors
11:52
and more about releasing that emotional burden that comes
11:55
across or that we hold on, we carry.
11:58
And by choosing to forgive, whether or not we reconcile, and
12:01
that's something I think it's really important that maybe
12:03
we'll get into later, is that forgiveness doesn't mean you
12:06
have to continue in the relationship.
12:08
There's a lot of things that, you know, we have misconceptions
12:11
about around forgiveness, but it, you know, it helps lighten
12:15
the load overall, creating space for things like peace and
12:20
clarity and just, you know, increasing your emotional
12:23
resilience. Yeah, well, you know, like my
12:25
example of thinking about the past of parenting, There's
12:29
nothing I can and reconcile there as far as a relationship,
12:33
you know that it's not a relationship necessarily.
12:37
It's it's just something within myself.
12:39
I have to say it's OK. Your son says it is.
12:43
It's OK. You weren't, you weren't
12:44
perfect, but you're pretty great.
12:46
So let that go and focus on the relationship you have with your
12:51
child today. And so there's not like a
12:54
something that you have to necessarily reconcile with
12:58
another person. And sometimes people have to
13:00
forgive people who are dead and gone.
13:03
And there's no way you can reconcile that relationship with
13:06
that human being on earth. But you can still do work to do
13:10
the forgiveness there. Does that make sense?
13:12
That makes sense. Picture this.
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I thought about this as we were talking about it up until now,
13:17
like standing up and moving throughout your day while you're
13:21
wearing a backpack filled with rock and holding on to negative
13:25
emotions is really like carrying that backpack full of rocks.
13:28
It's exhausting and it shapes our posture mentally and
13:32
physically and emotionally, and it can slow our progress in
13:37
life. And forgiveness doesn't erase
13:39
the past, but it really can sit that backpack down and let us
13:43
move forward. And if you think of yourself
13:45
like hiking, you know it somewhere and that extra weight
13:49
of carrying that, just imagine just sitting that down and how
13:53
much better the rest of the hike would be if you didn't have to
13:57
drag that around with you. I think that's really how
14:00
forgiveness works, yeah. Sometimes you can go back and
14:02
pick it up a few times, but the goal is to set it down, set it,
14:06
and forget it. We can even stick a few extra
14:09
boulders in if we choose. Yeah, absolutely.
14:12
So let's talk a little bit about some common myths and
14:14
misunderstanding. So there are some misconceptions
14:17
like I mentioned that that block forgiveness and we can just kind
14:22
of deconstruct some of those. So myth #1 is forgiving means
14:26
forgetting clarify. Forgiveness doesn't erase the
14:29
memory, it transforms it. So like I mentioned a second
14:33
ago, it it a lot of people feel like if I forgive you, then I
14:37
have to continue in this relationship and we have to work
14:39
towards being friends. And I do not believe that's the
14:43
case. Sometimes forgiveness is just
14:45
about letting ourselves heal and and part of that healing process
14:49
is recognizing when people are toxic and we don't need to have
14:52
them in our lives. So don't think that just because
14:55
you forgive them means that you have to engage in a relationship
14:58
with them. You don't even have to tell them
15:01
you've forgiven them, you can just do it and and be done with
15:05
it. And it really does take so much
15:07
weight off of it. The myth #2 is that if I
15:10
forgive, it means what they did was OK.
15:14
And that's absolutely not true. It is about healing.
15:17
It's not about condoning anybody's behavior.
15:20
You may have been in a relationship in the past where
15:22
someone treated you horribly and they did treat you horribly.
15:25
It is true. It will be true for eternity.
15:29
It's just saying though, I'm letting it go and not letting it
15:32
drag me down today. Myth #3 is I can't forgive
15:35
unless they apologize. So forgiveness is an internal
15:39
process, and you do it for your own peace, not for anything
15:44
else. I think that's that one of those
15:47
quotes that's out there and you know, cyber world.
15:50
I've seen so much that says things like about healing is
15:54
moving forward without the apology, apology you truly
15:57
deserve. We may deserve those apologies,
16:01
but we may never get them. That may not be possible because
16:05
they're gone or because the person is a butthole didn't I
16:10
don't know what it is, but we may not ever get them.
16:12
We have to give them to ourselves.
16:15
Now, the one that I told you I struggle with myself the most,
16:18
and that's self forgiveness. You know, it's a really common
16:22
experience that forgiving ourselves can feel much harder
16:25
than forgiving other people. And there are a few key
16:28
psychological and emotional reasons for that.
16:31
And the first one is internalized standards versus
16:34
external behavior. We often hold ourselves to this
16:37
extremely high moral and personal standard.
16:41
And if we fall short of that, then the judgement comes from
16:44
inside ourselves and we can feel it harsher than a criticism from
16:48
someone else. And it's like there all the
16:49
time. And with other people, we tend
16:51
to be more understanding or we we rationalize their behavior
16:55
like, well, they didn't know or they were stressed.
16:58
But for some reason, we struggled to extend that same
17:00
compassion to ourselves. That's so true.
17:03
I always tell people like, give yourself some grace.
17:06
Just calm down. Wouldn't you to someone else?
17:09
We usually are just like so easy to sure you're you're forgiven.
17:14
Well, another reason self forgiveness is difficult is
17:16
because it affects our personal identity and our self worth.
17:19
So mistakes we make can feel like reflections of our core
17:24
identity and not just isolated actions.
17:27
And they really are mostly isolated actions, right?
17:31
And self forgiveness requires really separating the ACT from
17:35
the self, which can feel threatening because it
17:37
challenges our negative self belief.
17:39
Anything that challenges us, it's going to be uncomfortable.
17:42
And you know, thinking about it, we know everything we've done
17:45
wrong. We don't know everything another
17:48
person has done wrong. So it's easier not to rack those
17:51
up with another person as much as with ourselves.
17:54
The third reason is about rumination again and self blame.
17:58
We often ruminate on our own mistakes and we we replay them
18:02
over and over and over. And doing that just prolongs the
18:05
guilt and the shame and it makes it so much harder to forgive.
18:08
It just makes it so much bigger. And it's interesting that
18:12
forgiving someone, everyone else doesn't usually trigger those
18:14
same endless loops that are triggered when we consider
18:18
possibly forgiving ourselves. And the fourth reason self
18:21
forgiveness is difficult because the fear we have of complacency.
18:27
There's sometimes a fear that forgiving ourselves will make us
18:29
repeat mistakes or excuse poor behavior.
18:33
Not the case. Ironically, research shows that
18:35
self forgiveness actually reduces defensive behavior and
18:39
supports growth rather than enabling bad habits.
18:42
And the 5th and final reason that we have here on our list is
18:46
related to culture and social influences.
18:49
Many cultures teach self-discipline and personal
18:52
responsibility in ways that can kind of amplify that guilt and
18:56
shame. I know religion some people are
18:58
born into sometimes does this just that you are all you.
19:02
You were, you were born wrong, you know, and forgiving others
19:07
aligns with social harmony. But forgiving ourselves can feel
19:10
like it goes against some ingrained message of
19:13
accountability out there. And forgiving ourselves can be
19:16
harder because it requires compassion really turned inward,
19:20
confronting uncomfortable feelings and disentangling our
19:23
self worth from our mistakes. And forgiving others lets us
19:27
maintain empathy without really questioning who we are at our
19:31
core level. Yes, you know, it's so.
19:36
It's obviously important to forgive ourselves.
19:38
So tell me how? So we have some steps that we
19:42
can take for, you know, working towards self forgiveness.
19:46
The first one, acknowledge responsibility without self
19:49
condemnation. Learn from the experience that's
19:52
so important. Commit to change and self
19:55
compassion. Include a short reflection or
19:58
journaling prompt. So now let's unpack the steps of
20:00
forgiving others. What does that look like?
20:03
Well, the first one, same as with ourselves, awareness.
20:07
Awareness is always the key, isn't it?
20:09
You know, we have to recognize the hurt.
20:11
You know, it's really important that we acknowledge that you've
20:14
been wronged or that you are carrying around this guilt and
20:18
resentment. Identify the emotions.
20:20
Next, you know, notice your feelings like anger, sadness,
20:23
betrayal or shame and do all that without judgment.
20:27
And then own your experience. Understand how the situation
20:31
truly affected you emotionally, mentally, and physically.
20:34
And the next thing is really understanding how to process
20:38
your emotions. A lot of us don't recognize our
20:41
emotions. A lot of us aren't good at
20:43
talking through our emotions. So you know, a couple things you
20:46
can do. Sit with your feelings, allow
20:48
yourself to feel feel the anger, the hurt or guilt fully rather
20:53
than suppressing it. So just learn to get comfortable
20:56
with those uncomfortable feelings.
20:57
You can reflect on the impact and just consider how holding on
21:01
to these emotions really affects your well-being and your
21:04
relationships and express yourself safely.
21:07
So doing things like journaling, going to therapy, we're talking
21:11
to a trusted friend that can really help release some of that
21:14
internal tension. I just heard recently something
21:18
was probably a podcast about healing, that someone talked
21:22
about this, about how hard it is just to allow ourselves to sit
21:27
with our emotions that we're just so inclined to pick up our
21:31
phone and scroll and just get out of whatever it is that we're
21:35
feeling. I think we're kind of geared
21:37
toward no pain, Like get it, get it away.
21:40
And we have to do that. We have to allow ourselves to
21:44
feel the hurt. We, we wouldn't say I, I feel
21:47
joy right now. Let me stop that, you know, So
21:50
we have to allow ourselves to feel those other things, and
21:53
that's uncomfortable, honestly. It is, and our instinct is, I
21:57
always say our brain is pain or pleasure, and when we're feeling
22:00
pain we want to do some to get into the pleasure mode and that
22:03
can be a lot of unhealthy things.
22:05
It really can. And the next thing, Let's sound
22:07
an alarm here. Woo Hoo Hoo the next time we're
22:10
talking about it on this episode, setting boundaries, we
22:14
have to define the limits. Forgiveness, remember, does not
22:17
mean we allow people to continue to harm us.
22:20
We have to decide what kind of interactions we want to continue
22:24
to have with that person in the future, if at all.
22:27
And we have to protect ourselves, you know, create a
22:30
space from people or situations that trigger any kind of ongoing
22:33
pain and clarify your own expectations.
22:36
You know, if reconciliation with a person is possible and it is
22:40
safe, communicate what you need going forward.
22:42
You know you will not tolerate certain things.
22:45
And then, if it ever happens again, get out to get away.
22:48
Learn to release. Let go of the resentment and the
22:52
guilt used to release the emotional burden.
22:55
Even if the past cannot be changed, and I think we've
22:57
covered that, the past is the past.
22:59
We cannot go back in time and make any changes.
23:02
So you just have to get into some acceptance, reframe the
23:06
experience. So see it as an opportunity for
23:08
growth, an opportunity to learn or even increase yourself
23:12
awareness. I think that's incredibly
23:14
important. I talked to clients about that,
23:16
especially my folks that are dealing with criminal justice.
23:18
It's like, you know what, what good can come from this?
23:21
Let's focus on that. Easier said than done and moving
23:25
forward with peace. So embracing your emotional
23:28
freedom, it really improves well-being and the ability to
23:32
engage more fully in your relationships.
23:34
Imagine where that would look like going into a new
23:37
relationship without pulling all that past behind you, you know?
23:41
So some practical tools to use during the process of
23:45
forgiveness, whether you're forgiving yourself or someone
23:47
else, maybe writing a letter and don't send it, just write it as
23:52
if you're talking to that person, even if it's you.
23:54
And of course, we always advocate therapy or counseling
23:58
and some of the mindfulness and self compassion practices that
24:01
are out there. We probably need to mention
24:04
again, forgiveness does not always lead to reconciliation,
24:08
and that's OK. And forgiveness doesn't mean
24:11
tolerating harm. We can forgive someone and still
24:14
decide that they don't have a place in our life.
24:17
Like we've talked about. It's, it's just, it's just the
24:19
way it is sometimes And and that's OK.
24:22
Like unhealthy, toxic people do not, should not have a place in
24:25
your life. So forgiveness and boundaries,
24:29
it really does not feel like a good life.
24:31
Live better episode without some mention of boundaries I think.
24:36
At least once. At least once so and this this
24:41
time is no different. So we it's really important that
24:44
we need to keep boundaries strong.
24:46
Cannot stress that enough. And especially when we're
24:49
dealing with forgiveness, it's important to know that
24:51
forgiveness and boundaries can coexist.
24:54
So try to keep that in the forefront.
24:57
And it's, it's healthy and it's a form of self respect to have
25:00
boundaries in the forgiveness process.
25:03
Now here's how healthy boundaries function as a form of
25:05
self respect within this process of forgiving.
25:09
Remember, forgiveness doesn't mean tolerating harm.
25:12
I think it's so important to say that over and over and over.
25:15
Forgiving someone is not the same as giving them unlimited
25:19
access to you. You setting boundaries after
25:22
being hurt is an act of self respect, not revenge.
25:26
It's it's a way of saying I can release this resentment with a
25:30
little not allowing you to continue that behavior in my
25:33
life. And healthy boundaries just
25:35
project our emotional well-being while we still allow ourselves
25:39
to move beyond this bitterness and anger.
25:42
Yeah. And boundaries support, you
25:44
know, genuine healing within ourselves.
25:47
So without boundaries, forgiveness can really become
25:50
self abandonment. It can feel like you're
25:52
abandoning yourself and your own beliefs.
25:54
And nobody wants to feel that. So when we forgive but keep
25:59
allowing those harmful patterns, we're not really healing, we're
26:02
just kind of enduring. And boundaries help us create
26:05
the safety and emotional space needed to process that pain
26:09
honestly and move forward without reopening those old
26:12
ones. Forgiveness with boundaries
26:14
build self trust. You know, each time we sit and
26:18
then honor boundaries, we reinforce our belief kind of in
26:22
our self that we can protect ourselves, we can care for
26:25
ourselves. So that builds our self trust,
26:27
which is essential to forgiving ourselves and other people.
26:31
When when we know we'll stand up for our own needs, forgiveness
26:35
feels empowering instead of two vulnerable.
26:39
And boundaries help clarify what forgiveness is and is not.
26:43
So forgiveness means letting go. We've, we've said this, it's
26:46
important to repeat it. Repetition, repetition.
26:49
But it means letting go of resentments.
26:51
It doesn't mean forgetting, excusing, or reconciling.
26:54
Super important. We can forgive someone and still
26:57
decide that certain behaviors or proximity isn't healthy for us.
27:01
So that choice is not unkind. It really is just about self
27:04
respect and practice. And forgiveness and boundaries
27:07
together foster some peace. When we release that anger
27:11
through forgiveness and we protect ourselves through those
27:14
boundaries that we create, forgiveness frees us from that
27:18
bitterness. We don't have to hold that in
27:20
our hearts anymore because those boundaries will safeguard our
27:24
heart from future harm and together those those will create
27:29
emotional conditions for lasting like long lasting peace and self
27:33
respect. So ask yourself these two
27:36
questions, what does forgiveness look like in your life right
27:39
now? Or who or what can you forgive
27:43
and release today to make space and peace and positivity in your
27:47
life? So keep those in mind each day
27:49
as you're working on forgiveness.
27:51
That will help you kind of, you know, get that perspective and
27:55
assess the situation. And it really just kind of
27:58
helps, I think had some clarity. Well, as we wrap up today's
28:03
episode, we hope this conversation has helped you see
28:06
that forgiveness is not a single act.
28:08
It's a process, but it is one that brings peace and freedom
28:12
and healing. And remember that forgiveness
28:14
doesn't mean forgetting or excusing what happened.
28:17
It just means choosing to let go of the emotional weight that
28:20
keeps us stuck and will not allow us to move forward with
28:23
compassion, both for others and for ourselves.
28:27
We have to give ourselves grace. And whether you're in the
28:30
awareness stage now, you're still processing emotions and
28:34
trying to set boundaries, or you're finally releasing what no
28:38
longer serves you, know that every step along the way counts.
28:42
And something to keep in mind again, forgiveness does not
28:46
erase the past. It releases its hold on you.
28:50
When we let go, we createspace for the future.
28:54
Peace and healing and freedom so we can live fully again.
28:57
I love that. Well, if you've been playing a
28:59
drinking game and drink every time we said the word boundaries
29:02
do not operate any heavy machinery after this episode.
29:06
But seriously, thanks again for joining us today.
29:08
And if this episode spoke to you, please share it with
29:11
someone that might need a little encouragement and their own
29:13
forgiveness journey. This is information that's
29:16
really beneficial and useful, I think, in many, many situations.
29:20
And forgiveness is incredibly important for our growth and our
29:23
healing. You can also visit our website
29:26
Life the Better dot. You can share it from there any
29:29
of the social media platforms. Feel free to shoot us your
29:32
questions, topic ideas. We love to hear from you.
29:36
We love to interact with you guys.
29:38
And until next time, don't forget that knowledge leads to a
29:41
live Flip better. Thank you for listening to Live
29:48
Flip Better with Paula and Joseph.
29:54
Yay, thank you for listening to the Life Live Better podcast.
29:56
Please subscribe, rate, review and share our show with others
29:59
you think will enjoy our content.
30:01
You can also find us on most social media platforms and our
30:04
website, lifelivebetter.net. This episode was written by
30:07
Paula Garland, edited by Joseph Massey, and recorded on Spotify.
30:11
Information used in this episode and other content data can be
30:14
found in our show notes. We look forward to seeing you
30:16
again in two weeks.