Latest / Questionable Detour / Social justice for Centaurs, a monkey active shooter, and drunk dogs that drive.

Transcript

Social justice for Centaurs, a monkey active shooter, and drunk dogs that drive. · Questionable Detour

0:00
Excuse me, what is going on here?
0:04
But first we're gonna make a little detour.
0:09
So absurd, so questionable.
0:12
Yeah, I guess we're just the weirdos.
0:15
Expect the detour.
0:24
Uh, a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.
0:27
Yeah, does that go for snakes too?
0:29
But in the bush...
0:33
I think a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush is not quite...
0:38
It doesn't translate to snakes.
0:40
Like, cause they speak Spanish?
0:42
Yeah, yeah, it's like a...
0:44
Hula!
0:46
Un snake in the hand is worth dos in the bush.
0:50
In el busho.
0:52
Honestly, a rattlesnake would be a great Latino presence.
0:55
They have the rattle already, a little maraca.
0:57
And they can already roll their r's and stuff.
0:59
What top three snakes do you think would be Hispanic?
1:03
Rattlesnake would just be...
1:05
Rattlesnake, alright, but yeah, that's an easy one right there.
1:07
King Cobra.
1:09
I feel like you have the big hood, it's kind of like a sombrero.
1:13
We're already in this territory, I mean, I don't think...
1:17
Well, now I gotta think of a third snake. I don't know many snakes.
1:19
Maybe our Singaporean listeners will.
1:21
They have snakes there, right?
1:23
I'm sure they do.
1:25
I'm not totally convinced Singapore is a real place.
1:27
Show me Singapore on the map right now.
1:29
You're proving your point, cause none of us know where that is.
1:35
You know, I've heard it said enough times that I think it is a real place.
1:39
I don't know if this is gonna go on the recording, but shout out to the Singapore listeners.
1:43
Big topic of conversation right now.
1:45
Let us know, how's the weather over there?
1:47
Or up there?
1:49
Wherever exactly you guys are.
1:51
I'm sure it's near the other part of the world.
1:55
Sure, there's an ocean around it for sure.
1:57
Now that we've offended a good portion of our listeners.
2:01
There's not many in Singapore, but we don't have many listeners.
2:03
I don't think we're gonna have much more after this.
2:05
I'm not totally sure they speak English.
2:09
What if the 12 listeners in Singapore is like an English speaking class?
2:13
Like, let's listen to some English, native English speakers, and they can speak English.
2:19
Native English speakers, and they just randomly pulled up this.
2:23
Or it's like a culture class, like they already know how to speak English,
2:25
but they're just trying to get a grasp on what the state is like, and this is what they hear.
2:31
I think that's a lot more likely, cause I'm pretty sure they speak English in Singapore.
2:37
But this is three people who don't even know where that is, so what do we know?
2:43
But anyway, 15 episodes.
2:45
15 episode, boys, is this a big deal?
2:47
I think.
2:49
I'm trying to remember how to say 15 in Spanish.
2:51
Oof.
2:53
Quince...
2:55
Inera.
2:57
That's all I can think of.
2:59
We are showing our ignorance today as normal Americans.
3:03
I don't know past 10, I guess.
3:05
Well, in German it's Funzein.
3:07
Big episode Funzein.
3:09
Funzein, yep.
3:11
This is the one.
3:13
So you couple of German listeners out there, this one's for you.
3:15
This one's dedicated to you guys, episode Funzein.
3:17
Yarn number Funzein.
3:19
Fupzein.
3:21
Fupzein.
3:23
It's not like a Sensei thing.
3:27
I don't know that I'd want to...
3:29
Sorry, Germany.
3:31
Yeah, you don't know a lot of Germans, though.
3:33
They'll kill Funzein millions of us.
3:39
Now we're attacking our three German listeners.
3:43
No one's safe.
3:45
We were international until episode Funzein.
3:49
Oh, episode 15.
3:51
Big, big, big episode, I'm gonna say, and make it seem like it's important.
3:55
I think it's big.
3:57
Want to do a hypothetical?
3:59
Bye-bye.
4:01
Dave, can I pose a somewhat abstract, purely hypothetical question?
4:05
I guess I want to apologize for asking a hypothetical question.
4:09
Well, that's a hypothetical question.
4:11
Our hypothetical is, if you were to start an activist group,
4:15
or, you know, get into an activist group, what are you fighting for?
4:20
If I were to get behind a certain activist group,
4:24
I would get behind the group of the people who pretend to be centaurs.
4:30
I think that they need...
4:32
That well-known group.
4:33
That large, large, well-known group, populations in most major cities,
4:38
I think they just kind of need more rights.
4:40
No.
4:41
Centaurs?
4:42
Specifically, people who pretend to be centaurs.
4:44
He's not that unhinged.
4:46
He doesn't believe centaurs exist.
4:48
I don't believe they're real.
4:50
What it is, is the people who are the...
4:53
Obviously, everybody knows that these people are actually two people.
4:57
Okay, I see. I see. I was wondering how mechanically that worked.
5:00
Yeah, so obviously, the human torso and the front horse legs are one person,
5:06
and then the back end is another person.
5:09
The horse outfits, but they cut the horse head off,
5:11
and it's just the person standing up in the front.
5:13
Yeah, essentially.
5:14
Now, since you seem to be involved with this activist group,
5:17
how do they choose who gets to be in the horse butt,
5:19
and who gets to be in the costume?
5:21
It boils down to a horse race.
5:24
A horse race, okay.
5:25
Are they racing, or is it actually a horse race?
5:27
Someone is on top of them as they are pretending to be a horseman racing.
5:31
Because what you...
5:33
This is a little known in the centaur community.
5:35
You want to be the back legs.
5:38
Oh, I...
5:39
You actually don't want to be the face.
5:42
Interesting. Is there a reason for that?
5:44
A lot of the people are not comfortable with their body.
5:46
Maybe embarrassed to be in the centaur community to begin with.
5:49
Yeah, could be a little bit of that, too.
5:51
I'm sure there's a lot of underlying reasons,
5:54
but the back legs and middle area of the horse,
5:59
that's the coveted part, you know?
6:01
The loser gets stuck with the torso and head.
6:04
Is that the scientific name of the...
6:06
The horse middle part.
6:07
I think they call it the horse middle part.
6:09
So when you're going to saddle a horse,
6:12
they say, hey, throw that saddle on the top horse middle part.
6:16
The top horse middle part.
6:18
What rights are these people missing?
6:21
What they're missing is they're not allowed to vote in elections as centaurs.
6:28
Got you.
6:29
They're only allowed to vote as humans.
6:32
And that's...
6:33
What a travesty.
6:35
It's honestly terrible.
6:37
It's very xenophobic.
6:39
What is that?
6:41
Cynophobic.
6:42
Cynophobic.
6:44
You already helped them.
6:48
We've coined the...
6:49
Honestly, that's a great term.
6:51
I think I ought to take that to the herd and see if they like that term.
6:59
Part of the us-too movement.
7:01
Yeah.
7:02
We stand with centaurs.
7:07
But really, they...
7:09
You know, the bottom of the horse and the top of the horse,
7:12
both of those people are allowed to vote separately.
7:15
Right.
7:16
But because it takes two to tango, if you will, to be a centaur,
7:21
they both have to be on the same page.
7:23
So they are not allowed to vote using their given centaur name.
7:27
So do you have a given centaur name?
7:29
I do not.
7:30
I'm sort of an outsider looking in, kind of observing.
7:33
The white savior.
7:35
Well, you know.
7:39
Yeah.
7:40
Basically, yeah.
7:42
I'm kind of a person coming in here trying to make sure that this gets right.
7:45
They're going to make a movie about me.
7:48
I'll be the only normal person here.
7:50
I'll probably be some sort of activist or attorney,
7:52
maybe portrayed by like a Hanks, maybe, but not current Hanks.
7:58
Probably Colin.
8:00
Hanks ten years ago.
8:02
Oh, okay.
8:03
The son.
8:05
So let me ask you this.
8:06
When it's all said and done, where are they going to rank you with Martin Luther King Jr.?
8:09
I think he did a lot of good.
8:16
Yeah, I mean, I agree.
8:18
He did a lot of good.
8:20
I think, though, there's room for...
8:24
There's room for more than one person.
8:26
There's room for two at the top.
8:28
There's room for two at the top.
8:29
Look, you know, people don't say what's the Mount Rushmore of so-and-so
8:32
because they want to know who's on top.
8:34
There's four people up there.
8:36
There's four people. That's right. That's a good point.
8:37
When they say who are the activists that you think of?
8:41
Sure.
8:42
Mount Rushmore for activists, MLK.
8:44
He's up there. He's definitely up there.
8:46
And I'm not afraid to say that.
8:48
I'm not either. I know that might be kind of controversial.
8:50
I'm a little scared.
8:52
Don't worry. But I'll say it.
8:54
I think Rosa Parks, probably another one.
8:57
Great woman.
8:58
Yeah.
8:59
I never met her, but, you know, people seem to be into her.
9:01
Great woman. Yeah.
9:02
Did a lot of good.
9:03
Yeah. Yeah.
9:04
So I heard. Probably a white person next.
9:07
You. I think it would be you.
9:10
Yeah. I mean, I think it would be...
9:12
I think it would be me.
9:14
Yeah. Martin Luther King Jr. said, I had a dream.
9:16
And don't judge a man by his skin color, rather, you know, the contents of his heart.
9:20
Are you going to have a famous quote that you have?
9:23
It's going to be something I say sort of at our movements,
9:27
something I've said in front of courtrooms.
9:31
When the...
9:33
Could you imagine a courtroom full of people in horse costumes?
9:38
Just sitting in the horse...
9:41
Seating is a nightmare for them.
9:43
Seating is just a bunch of horses standing sideways.
9:49
That judge walks in and he's like, what?
9:53
Oh, be insane.
9:55
But when everybody gathers and I get up there on that podium,
10:01
I just say a few simple words.
10:03
Hating hooves hurts.
10:05
You know, obviously the alliteration really is very memorable.
10:10
It's short, sweet, and to the point.
10:12
And I think it's moved some people.
10:15
It's moving me.
10:16
Nobody can see, but I have a tear going down my cheek right now.
10:19
There's a lot of stuff moving on me.
10:21
I think I've also heard you say, don't sin target the sin tars.
10:25
That's another one.
10:27
It's one of my more less popular quotes.
10:31
But equally as powerful.
10:33
But equally as moving, yes.
10:35
Don't sin tar the...
10:37
Yes, don't sin target the sin tars.
10:39
Don't sin targets the sin tars.
10:41
I'm just saying that you don't know your own quote.
10:47
And I've heard you say too, and I think this one was on the steps of the Kentucky Derby.
10:53
Ground zero, really.
10:55
Well, see, if I have to appeal to the humans,
10:58
there's a complete other side that I have to appeal to, that being the horses.
11:02
I've got to meet them where they're at.
11:04
That's a good point.
11:05
And given that speech on the steps of the Kentucky Derby,
11:07
you said it's not a sin to be a sin tar.
11:10
That's a good one.
11:12
I remember that one.
11:13
That one really spoke to me.
11:15
You were wearing a purple suit and green gator shoes for that one.
11:18
I remember that one.
11:20
You look like a pimp.
11:23
Bottom line is, they want to vote as two people,
11:28
and the government keeps trying to make them vote as two separate people.
11:32
When they're a sin tar, they're two functioning humans working as one organism.
11:37
One brain at the end of the day.
11:39
One brain.
11:40
Government's overstepping its bounds, really, with that.
11:43
There does need to be some more legislation.
11:45
I can't agree more.
11:47
I'm proud of you for standing up for that, Alan.
11:50
I also stand up for women's sin tar rights to vote, too.
11:53
They're in there as well.
11:54
I think they should both be able to vote.
11:56
It's good that you named that at the very last minute.
11:59
To throw that in there.
12:00
You really squeezed that one in there.
12:03
They're also in, Ford.
12:05
They're good, too.
12:07
We'd love to have them.
12:08
Now, my question is, going back to Mount Rushmore of activists,
12:15
down the road here, we have the Lorraine Motel,
12:17
which was turned into the National Civil Rights Museum,
12:20
where Martin Luther King was assassinated.
12:23
Do you feel that wherever you die is going to be made into a museum?
12:28
And if so, where do you think that will be?
12:30
And how will you die?
12:31
And how will you die?
12:32
To answer your first question, do I think, I can only hope so.
12:37
And we've been sort of scouting places based off of where could be
12:43
the most prominent target.
12:45
Yeah.
12:46
We were looking at Dallas, but I mean...
12:49
There's already been famous people dying there.
12:51
It's kind of redundant.
12:53
A motorcade.
12:54
So many wheels.
12:56
JFK, he kind of ruined it for us all.
12:59
I mean, just let me brainstorm here with you for a second.
13:04
In my mind, it should be somewhere like Texas,
13:07
like out in the range near San Antonio or Houston.
13:11
There's a lot of rodeos, you know,
13:13
and the horses are treated like royalty out there.
13:16
I think that would be a great place for centaurs to also, you know, call home base.
13:20
And I think that's probably where, you know,
13:24
an assassination attempt might happen.
13:27
Because honestly, the rodeo is where both the humans and the horses,
13:32
who are not centaurs, the allies, if you will,
13:34
that's where they come together.
13:36
We're all on the same page, you know.
13:38
And sometimes where you feel most comfortable is where you need to watch your back.
13:42
And that's a saying that I'll also say, not at the centaur rallies,
13:45
but just hanging out with friends.
13:49
Where you're most comfortable, you always have to watch your back.
13:55
You do say that, like just around a fire.
13:58
It puts us all on edge.
13:59
I usually say it walking into bathrooms too.
14:02
Well, hey, that's beautiful.
14:04
And I hope our many, many listeners that the Quest for a Detour podcast has
14:10
appreciates they are seeing the next, and dare I say greater, Martin Luther Keaton Jr.
14:15
Well, right here on the podcast.
14:17
Thank you. I'm glad that you think that.
14:20
And I'm not here to, you know, trump anybody or, you know, take somebody's place.
14:26
I'm just here to be a voice for the centaurs.
14:30
But you'll take the accolade.
14:32
I mean, I'll take it if it's handed to me, you know.
14:34
What am I going to do? Turn it down?
14:36
I don't know. But yeah, man, inspiring, moving.
14:39
All right, Evan, what activist group are you going to join or starting?
14:43
Who do you feel is behind the eight ball?
14:46
Really, the people that I'm trying to stand up for is anyone,
14:50
any driver that has barreled into one of those guards on the side of a road.
14:55
Yeah, it's like metal or concrete that's driven in them from going into a ditch or a creek or whatever.
15:00
Yeah. I want to stand up for those people.
15:02
OK, now what rights are they missing out on?
15:06
What are they? Why do you? Why do they need somebody to stand up for them?
15:09
Death. They had a prime opportunity to go out with a bang.
15:15
You know what? Stop the road guards.
15:18
Now, Evan, do you assume that everybody hits one of those is trying to commit vehicular suicide?
15:24
I mean, it's the most obvious two and two together there.
15:27
Why else would they hit it if they weren't trying to murder themselves?
15:32
You assume people driving around are not unlike a fly in a house just banging up against the window.
15:38
That's very close. Yes. It's a fair assumption.
15:42
It's just people ping ponging off each side of the highway.
15:47
Yeah, it's crazy out there.
15:50
I mean, I don't know why they would run into those things if they didn't already have a death wish.
15:55
So might as well just take them out and let people get to where they need to go.
16:00
So I imagine your activist group is up on a platform.
16:04
You had a podium looking very prestigious, speaking to a mic being powerful.
16:10
Behind you is a bunch of people in wheelchairs and slings and, you know, from the accident.
16:14
They see the fact that this is about a six foot drop off of that stage.
16:19
And they go, oh, it's time to go.
16:24
And all of a sudden it looks like it looks like that scene from 300.
16:28
They're falling off the side of the cliff.
16:32
Is that am I imagining this is how this will go?
16:35
So the issue is that the organizers of this, you know, like on the other side of my campaign that are trying to keep the rails up,
16:45
they put rails on the platform that I'm standing on so that people can't wheel themselves off.
16:50
When they do try to commit this this quote unquote suicide, they just run straight into the rails.
16:57
I don't think you have to do the quotes. I mean, you know, it's a suicide.
17:00
It's a suicide. It's a depending on who you ask.
17:02
Now, speaking of that, I heard your slogan is please don't rail me.
17:06
That that is the most popular one.
17:09
I was at one of your events the other day and you had a sign up there that says remove the barrier to entry.
17:16
And it was a bear holding a concrete barrier.
17:19
That's good. Yeah, we have we have a couple of signs.
17:22
We have a couple that float around because we also have one that says what the rail and that one.
17:31
That one's popular among the young kids.
17:34
Another one is remove the rail. Let them go to hell.
17:38
OK, sounds like a Westboro Baptist Church slogan.
17:44
Major assumption. Big Catholic guy over here.
17:49
You're not going through the pearly gates.
17:53
Well, I just know my clientele and they're not good people.
17:59
Yeah, they're trying to reason. I want them to die.
18:01
They're trying to get out of this life for some reason.
18:04
Yeah, they are not good people. Very selfish.
18:08
But now be something good for them. How do you help them?
18:11
So let's say they crash into a barrier going down the highway.
18:14
And now they've come to you saying they don't have the right to do that or they don't have the right to put the barrier up.
18:20
What do you do? Do you is it like a baptismal situation at the top of a cliff?
18:24
And you're like, do you guys just does you and your group just lay down on the highway where they would put a barrier?
18:31
Yeah, yeah, we just lay in the dirt and when they start digging it up, we just jump in there.
18:37
We're like, we become the post hole, you know, so they can't put the iron post hole down in there.
18:44
But so that that's one way that we, you know, stop them from putting these posts up.
18:49
But the other thing, whenever somebody does get into an accident and they come to us and they're like, oh, yeah, my legs are broken, but I wish I was dead.
18:59
We say thoughts and prayers.
19:02
We offer them thoughts and prayers.
19:04
So you don't you don't have like an alternative for them.
19:07
Like they miss their chance.
19:09
You don't you don't offer them offer to wheel them into a wall or something.
19:14
No, that was just like a half half half pipe.
19:16
Yeah, I mean, we write to us concrete wall and just send them down.
19:21
Yeah, we're trying to keep our business license.
19:23
So we can't further into these people.
19:27
So you you want them to be able to choose how and when they want to die, but you don't want to help them with it.
19:35
Yeah, that's not our problem.
19:37
We're just here trying to dodge the legality of that.
19:40
So it's not an assisted suicide.
19:42
It's right to suicide.
19:44
Correct. Exactly.
19:45
But a very specific way.
19:47
Yeah.
19:48
And we're trying to keep our hands clean of that whole situation.
19:51
Walking a tight line there.
19:53
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
19:54
Well, we have fun signs. You do have fun signs.
19:58
That is true.
20:00
Well, I mean, maybe your head can go up right next to Allen's and Martin Luther King Jr.'s on the Mount Rushmore.
20:06
I mean, we never did think of another another fourth person for the Mount Rushmore.
20:10
So, I mean, I'm liking my chances.
20:12
I think I think you might have a spot on there.
20:16
You got it.
20:17
I don't do it again like Allen.
20:18
I don't do it for the accolades, but they don't hurt.
20:21
Yeah, you're going to accept it.
20:23
Not at all.
20:24
I'll put my head up there.
20:26
And I think there might be a cool way where we can kind of get our our things together.
20:30
We could, you know, like a dramatic removal of a rail or a barrier.
20:34
I could have some of my centaurs come and pull it away.
20:38
Yeah.
20:39
Show them how powerful they are.
20:40
Show them how powerful the centaurs are.
20:42
Well, centaur power.
20:44
Sincar power is what you meant to say.
20:46
These things just write themselves.
20:47
Yeah.
20:50
What activities would you get into if you were invisible?
20:54
So nobody can see you causing a little bit of mischief, maybe doing good things.
20:59
Probably not, though.
21:00
You did assume that it's immediately mischief.
21:02
Probably not good things.
21:04
And I think we're going to prove you right.
21:07
It depends on what you consider a good thing.
21:10
There's no way there's no way any answer we give is going to be constructive.
21:14
All right. Well, mine, I mean, it's kind of good for some people, depending on the time.
21:19
It is and it isn't.
21:20
So what I'm going to do if I'm invisible, I'm going to sneak into people's houses in the wee hours of the night.
21:25
And like I said, it doesn't have to be the wee hours.
21:27
I'm invisible, but I'm still going to do wee hours anyway, because that's when I like to see the people.
21:33
They're they're most vulnerable.
21:35
They don't know I'm there.
21:37
They're just asleep, just snoozing, looking all cute.
21:40
I'm just going to go through all their house and remove the batteries from all their smoke to talk.
21:47
Oh, that's cool.
21:48
Yeah, that way they never have to go through the awkward phase, the annoying phase of having the smoke detector beep for like, I don't know, two weeks until you change the battery.
21:56
They never have to go through that again.
21:58
Now, my first question is, what are the wee hours like time to time?
22:02
Because that's not a unit that I normally use.
22:04
You don't use the wee?
22:05
The wee? No, I don't use the wee.
22:07
The wee would be about two to three.
22:09
That's actually that time that I use the wee.
22:11
Yeah.
22:12
OK.
22:13
So you wee from two to three?
22:16
Wee wee from two to three.
22:19
So, Evan, if the wee hours of the morning are from two to three, what are the other hours of the morning?
22:25
So from three to five is the pre-dawn.
22:30
That sounds dramatic.
22:31
Like something's going to happen.
22:33
Pre-dawn. Five to six is your mid-dawn.
22:36
OK.
22:37
Six to seven is about your your wake up hours.
22:40
And then before that, before the wee hours, we'll work backwards from here now, from about 11 to one is your sleepy-by times.
22:49
Sure. Sure.
22:51
And do you say that as you leave social events?
22:53
You look at your watch and you go, oh, it's sleepy-by time.
22:56
Yes, I say, oh, gotta go.
22:58
It's getting close to my sleepy-by time times.
23:00
And I...
23:02
Do you tiptoe away?
23:03
I prance out.
23:04
Yeah, you scamper when you leave a room.
23:08
I skip to the loo if you...
23:12
And then from nine...
23:14
Well, I'll give it eight to eleven is geriatric bedtimes.
23:18
Gotcha.
23:19
Which is when Alan usually goes to bed.
23:20
Alan does go to bed at the geriatric hour.
23:23
The good thing about you going to bed at that time is you're not going to have an invisible Evan looking at you all cute-like.
23:29
That's true.
23:30
Is he looking at me cute-like or is he looking at me thinking I'm cute?
23:35
He has like the puppy dog eyes.
23:37
Oh, it's both.
23:38
Yeah.
23:39
Just his hand on his cheek while he looks at you.
23:42
His cheeks are cartoonly rosy.
23:48
Yeah, he's like looking at a newborn, but it's just you and your sleep mask.
23:53
Oh, he's so cute.
23:56
Back off of the detour that we just took.
23:58
So you remove the batteries, which, hey, you're helping somebody sleep.
24:03
You don't want the chirping happen.
24:04
Do you test the smoke alarms?
24:06
Do you set fires is what I'm asking after you.
24:09
Well, I got to make sure that the batteries actually I didn't miss one.
24:12
You know, you want to make sure that you didn't miss a smoke detector.
24:15
So I do go through the house and start small garbage can fires in each room and just make sure no alarms going to go off.
24:26
Also, it's good in the winter.
24:27
It heats the house for them.
24:29
Yeah, they'd spend less on electricity.
24:31
So it's really I'm helping them in two different ways.
24:34
How do you start the fire?
24:35
What's your go to buyer method?
24:37
Bring a can of diesel with me.
24:39
Slow burn.
24:40
Yeah, slow burn for sure.
24:41
But I gather any documents I see laying around in each room and throw those in the garbage can.
24:48
Yeah, or a little diesel on them.
24:50
And I carry around, you know, the spark blocks.
24:53
You just got to smack it.
24:55
Yeah, I get those.
24:56
Yeah, it's kind of loud.
24:58
Sometimes I do wake up because they're like, what is knocking on my door right now?
25:01
And I'm just in the other room like, shit, shit.
25:04
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
25:05
Sounds like a sword fight happening.
25:07
So you're doing multiple things.
25:09
Taking away the beeping noise helps them sleep, warming their house, getting rid of pesky documents that they don't need to have.
25:15
Bills, medical tests that come back.
25:18
They don't need to know that you get rid of it.
25:19
Exactly. Yeah.
25:20
I like to say that I'm not just a fireman, but I'm a trash man as well.
25:25
Yeah.
25:26
So where many hats?
25:27
Yes.
25:28
As you have lots of hats on.
25:29
Yeah, no, I get one from each house.
25:31
So you're a fireman, you're a trash man, you wear a lot of hats.
25:39
Do you have the corresponding vehicles?
25:41
Fire truck, trash, garbage truck.
25:43
What's that driveway look like?
25:45
So in my driveway, I have, I do have a fire truck.
25:50
I have a waste truck.
25:51
We call it a waste truck.
25:53
You know he's a professional.
25:54
Oh, man.
25:55
A guy doesn't go to work.
25:56
He's got a career.
25:57
Yeah.
25:59
It doesn't work if you love what you do.
26:01
That's right.
26:02
Yeah.
26:03
They sit in my driveway and I don't have a very big driveway.
26:05
So I do have to back one out to get the other out.
26:07
Yeah.
26:08
It's a tight road to get in.
26:10
So I end up bumping into my neighbor's car a lot.
26:13
Or like an 18 point turn or something like that.
26:15
Yeah.
26:16
It's a lot of turns, a lot of points in that turn.
26:18
So the hardest one really is my hat truck.
26:21
The truck dedicated to hats?
26:23
Yeah.
26:24
The truck that I bring along to store my hats.
26:26
Oh, okay.
26:27
Got you.
26:28
There's like so many.
26:29
I assume it's just like a box truck kind of situation.
26:31
No.
26:32
It's an 18 wheeler with a long bed.
26:35
Like a flat bed.
26:36
A flat bed 18 wheeler.
26:37
Yeah.
26:38
You just have hats on it.
26:39
Yeah.
26:40
You don't keep your hats very long, do you?
26:41
They blow away.
26:42
Yeah.
26:43
They blow away quickly.
26:44
That's why I have to keep getting more.
26:47
But is it just fireman hats and branch collector hats?
26:51
No, no.
26:52
He steals it from houses.
26:53
Yeah.
26:54
I steal the baseball caps and other types of hats.
26:57
Oh, okay.
26:58
I didn't know you were into petty theft too.
27:00
Okay.
27:01
No, but it's interesting because these people are distraught because their house burnt down.
27:06
They have no idea why.
27:07
And on the side of the road, they're like, is that my favorite hat?
27:10
How did that survive?
27:11
There's just a line of hats going down the road that have blown off my...
27:17
Well, you're probably a nightmare for these people's insurance because it looks like they
27:22
removed their smoke detector batteries and then started a fire in their home.
27:26
Yeah, you're framing these people for arson.
27:29
Yeah.
27:30
Not a lot of coverage goes on with my victims when it comes to insurance.
27:33
It's funny that you use the word victim.
27:35
That's called a subliminal slip up.
27:39
Legally, I have to say victim.
27:42
In my mind, I'm the victim and they are...
27:45
Please tell us how you're the victim.
27:46
Yeah, I'd love to know.
27:48
They're aggressors.
27:49
So, I'm the victim because...
27:52
He's starting this explanation off like he's writing a paper in school.
27:55
You better say in conclusion when you're done.
27:58
I'm the victim because I go through and I do all these things for these people.
28:03
We've walked through it.
28:04
We've walked through it, yeah.
28:05
I do all these things for these people.
28:06
But a good thesis statement really tells you what you're about to talk about.
28:12
All the things I do are I remove the batteries so that they don't get annoying chirp.
28:19
Also, and also having some, I take the hats.
28:23
I get rid of their hats for them so they don't clunk up.
28:26
I warm their house in the winter also.
28:28
And some, also I...
28:31
Are you trying to meet a word count?
28:34
Why are you adding all these extra words?
28:37
Trying to read from the teleprompter here and somebody is not typing well.
28:42
They did not use auto correct.
28:45
But yeah, and I also...
28:47
What's the other thing I do?
28:48
Oh, I get rid of all their waste.
28:51
Yeah, their documents, of course.
28:53
So anyway, I do all of this for them and they have the gall, the audacity to complain,
28:59
to be angry with me or someone who did this to their house.
29:04
Right. I mean, they can prove it to you.
29:06
Yeah. So I just, I see in the news that they're so upset that someone did this to their house.
29:11
It just, it doesn't sit right with me.
29:13
In conclusion.
29:14
In conclusion, it does not sit right with me.
29:17
That was a terrible last paragraph.
29:21
You know, in his defense, it was always hard on those last paragraphs to fill it out.
29:26
They want, you know, in middle school or elementary school, they wanted it to be three to five sentences.
29:31
But that's a lot of sentences.
29:32
That's a lot of sentences for a conclusion paragraph.
29:35
And just in general, I'm tired of talking by that point anyway.
29:38
Yeah.
29:39
Like even here, I'm tired of talking.
29:40
And in my daily life, I'm tired of talking after like two sentences maybe.
29:44
So how am I supposed to write a whole conclusion paragraph?
29:48
I don't know that many English words, but I enjoyed this answer because you could totally do this when you're not invisible.
29:57
You do it at night.
29:59
They're asleep and they're not even awake to see you.
30:02
You're not taking advantage of your invisibility.
30:06
You're just breaking ceiling and starting fires.
30:12
I can't get caught.
30:14
And I don't know.
30:16
You all both are just critiquing my invisibility.
30:20
I don't hear either of your ideas being so much better.
30:22
That's because we haven't gotten them to gotten to him yet.
30:24
You just happened to go first.
30:27
Well, then y'all's better be so much better.
30:30
Mine is unhinged.
30:31
And a lot less mischief over there.
30:33
Yeah.
30:34
Alan, Alan set up.
30:35
I think he's got something very above board.
30:38
I have something that is definitely more above board than what Evan's working with over there.
30:45
That's unhinged chaos.
30:48
Breaking laws.
30:49
Breaking the law.
30:50
Just morally bankrupt.
30:53
Doesn't sound like us.
30:54
Bernie Madoff bankrupt.
30:56
You know, just ruining people's lives.
30:59
So what I think I would do if I was invisible is I would pretend to be inclement weather.
31:06
Explain, because I think I have an idea.
31:10
But I think I know where you're going with this.
31:12
But I would take some of my particular favorite inclement weather.
31:16
Like, for instance, hail.
31:17
I'd go around pelting people with ice cubes.
31:20
I want people to think that it's only hailing right in front of them.
31:26
Do you yell hail when you're tossing cubes at them?
31:29
Hail hail hail.
31:31
Are they confused when it's like a very sunny day?
31:35
It's like a tennis exertion noise.
31:37
Hail hail hail.
31:39
They think there's a redneck man walking behind them that's mad.
31:46
We can come back to that.
31:47
It's also interesting you have favorite types of weather.
31:50
I do, yeah.
31:53
And the top of the list is hail.
31:55
The top of the list is certainly hail.
31:57
I'm going to say a close second is just a cool wind.
32:01
Just a nice wind.
32:02
Just a breeze.
32:03
Just a breeze.
32:04
Can we assume on how you recreate that for people?
32:07
I'm walking right up behind them and blowing on that neck.
32:11
You haven't brushed your teeth that morning.
32:13
The wind's a little smelly around here.
32:16
Did Evan just go by in his waste management truck?
32:20
And then you know if you ever want to imitate rain, you just start gleating.
32:26
Can you tell everybody what gleating is?
32:28
To be honest with you, I can't even gleat.
32:30
I can gleat.
32:31
But it has something to do with the position of the tongue and spitting from your mouth,
32:35
but it's not spit, it's precise water shooting from your mouth.
32:39
I think it is saliva.
32:40
It's your saliva ducts I thought.
32:42
Yeah, but it's like...
32:43
It's like projectile.
32:44
It's like precise projectile stuff.
32:46
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
32:47
I can do it after I yawn actually.
32:48
Yeah, and it goes between your two front teeth.
32:51
I think the military uses it.
32:52
We did use that in the military.
32:55
I think it's anti-terrorism measurement.
32:57
Hey, you thought waterboarding was bad.
32:59
You get gleatboarded.
33:01
I thought they outlawed that in the Geneva Convention.
33:03
Not gleatboarding.
33:04
For biological warfare.
33:05
That's the loophole.
33:06
That's the loophole the government found.
33:07
They were like, oh shoot, we got outlawed waterboarding, but you get me and I'll yawn.
33:12
You get a guy...
33:14
Put a rag over some.
33:16
You just sit there spitting on him.
33:18
It's going to take hours to soak that rag.
33:21
And it doesn't happen every time.
33:23
Just sitting under some guy that's just like...
33:26
Give me a second, give me a second.
33:27
I gotta get it.
33:29
Nope, wasn't that time.
33:30
Give me yawn, yawn.
33:31
Make me yawn.
33:32
Nope, wasn't that time.
33:33
It just over...
33:34
Because it doesn't happen every time.
33:35
You just keep drinking water.
33:37
Your mouth is getting dry.
33:39
Start waterboarding yourself.
33:41
It turns out I'm the one being tortured.
33:44
I'm like, this is hard work.
33:46
Okay, so hail.
33:48
Light wind.
33:50
Rain.
33:52
Is there a tsunami aspect of this?
33:54
Is tsunami a weather?
33:56
I would say it is.
33:57
It's a large wave formed from earthquakes in the ocean.
34:00
I don't think earthquakes are weather.
34:02
It's like a natural disaster.
34:04
I think weather can be a natural disaster.
34:06
I think there's some overlap.
34:07
There's some overlap there.
34:08
We don't have to argue the technicalities of weather, but is there a tsunami?
34:13
Yes, there is a tsunami.
34:15
And that one's a little bit harder to pull off because it takes a little bit of preparation.
34:20
So what I'll do, I'm going to get my CDL.
34:23
This is a great idea.
34:25
I'm going to take a giant water tanker.
34:27
I'm going to follow a guy around.
34:29
Now keep in mind, I'm invisible.
34:31
The truck is not.
34:33
The truck is still very visible.
34:37
The scary part is who's driving it.
34:41
And then I'm just going to get out and start opening those little plugs in the side of the truck and just wash out a street.
34:48
That guy goes home, you'll never guess a tsunami hit me on 3rd and 2nd street.
34:52
But nobody would ever describe that as a tsunami.
34:55
They would say, huh, an abandoned truck just started leaking.
35:00
That's good.
35:01
So let's say it's overcast outside.
35:03
How do you do a sunny day?
35:05
A sunny day is kind of tough.
35:07
But thankfully, I'm a platinum level investor in a little startup called Blinds.
35:12
So we know Blinds.
35:14
Yeah, we have the creator sitting right next to us over here.
35:17
That's right.
35:18
I appreciate all your investments.
35:20
It really helps out in this situation.
35:22
I hang a series of mirrors.
35:24
I buy a ton of blinds.
35:26
Yeah, lots of big blinds.
35:28
Because you got to when you're doing a sunny day.
35:30
So I've got just a series of mirrors, but also the magnifying glasses from Blinds.
35:35
And lights reflecting, causing a sunny day.
35:39
I like that.
35:40
It's a lot of heat.
35:43
Again, when I have to use all these outside items that are not invisible, it's hard to kind of hide.
35:54
So you're just walking around with mirrors and magnifying glasses, just burning people?
35:59
It kind of looks like I'm General Grievous with all my arms and attachments.
36:06
That's what I was wondering about when you carry around ice for the hail.
36:09
The ice isn't going to be invisible.
36:11
So there's just going to be a bucket of ice being carried around.
36:16
And then it's just getting picked up and launched at somebody.
36:19
And they're like, hail, hail, hail.
36:21
Sometimes if I only have to carry a couple of cubes of ice, 10, 11, I just put them in my mouth.
36:28
It's not a lot.
36:31
Anybody can do it.
36:33
You're a chipmunk.
36:34
Just store them in there and grab them and just chunk.
36:36
Your mouth is just numb by the time you're going to throw these.
36:40
So by that logic, a lot of ways you can make things invisible in different orifices.
36:47
The old prison wallet.
36:50
Yeah.
36:52
Like, oh man, it's overcast.
36:54
I'm going to give this guy a sunny day.
36:56
You pull it out of your prison.
36:57
Oh, God, I got to wipe this off.
36:59
The sun's getting through.
37:03
I don't know.
37:04
I don't know that anybody would stick around if somebody said they were giving them a sunny day from their prison.
37:09
That just doesn't sound great.
37:15
Definitely.
37:16
Yeah.
37:17
I mean, I'm not doing these in the wee hours of the morning.
37:19
I mean, it's got to be even for geriatric bedtime.
37:22
I want these people to be awake during the day to see what I'm doing to them or not see what I'm doing to them.
37:29
They're seeing.
37:31
Now, let me ask you all this.
37:32
Both of you answered this question.
37:33
Are you all the type of invisible where you have to remove all your clothes to be invisible?
37:37
Or is it one of those things where the clothes are also invisible?
37:39
I'm always naked.
37:40
OK.
37:41
Yeah.
37:42
Yeah.
37:43
I think you have to be naked.
37:44
OK.
37:45
I think it's the best way to go for sure.
37:46
Because then, you know, if by that logic, if the clothes you're wearing are invisible because they're touching you, then anything that you touch can also be invisible.
37:54
Right.
37:55
And we don't want to.
37:56
So if I'm driving my water tanker around, then my water tanker would be invisible because I'm touching it.
38:00
Yeah.
38:01
Then you could just like, you know, like corkscrew that bad boy, tip it and then actually create a tsunami.
38:07
Just kind of just pull up, you know, on the curb, kind of gainer 360, you know, X games with a tanker.
38:15
If I if I just kind of Ollie along that part, he bunny hops it.
38:18
Yeah. Yeah.
38:20
Now, that could actually that's probably a really good idea.
38:23
If there was a way for me to kind of sort of bunny hop sort of in a circle, I could create sort of a hurricane kind of kind of deal with water, water, you know, pouring out of the back of that tanker.
38:33
Now, how I get it up there, I don't know.
38:35
But one step at a time, cross that bridge when you get to it.
38:38
This is a little brainstorm operation here, you know, I'll see what you did there.
38:42
Is that part of the weather brainstorm?
38:44
That's right. The brainstorm is that's like the boss level of what I do.
38:48
Oh, there's still a brain storms are not not that often.
38:52
I only do that for some of my some of my most prized victims.
38:56
I mean, well, clientele clientele.
38:59
That's where you go down to your local morgue.
39:03
And you're not the first naked person to be in that morgue.
39:06
Hopefully they all are.
39:09
I mean, a live person, I guess.
39:12
All right.
39:13
I guess you just go in there and you start collecting all the brains.
39:16
These people in the morgue are not going to be used.
39:18
Yeah, I'm not using them.
39:19
I mean, repurposed. Yeah.
39:22
I'm going to use them and then just gather up just sort of a sack
39:25
or like a like a laundry basket full of brains, trash bag full of brains,
39:29
whatever receptacle you choose to use.
39:32
But then just go out, just pelt people with brains.
39:34
Have a brainstorm, guys.
39:37
And it's like when you when you go yell hail all the time, you know,
39:41
you just yell brainstorm. Yeah, I like it.
39:43
Little catchphrases that you have. Yeah.
39:45
Yeah, it's a little more creepy, you know, a little more creepy spooky.
39:48
Yeah.
39:49
Spooky. Spooky.
39:50
It's a great one for Halloween.
39:52
Great weather for Halloween.
39:53
Sort of sort of seasonal, I think.
39:55
Yeah. Your town.
39:56
It can be part of your package, your seasonal package.
39:58
Yeah. I don't want to know what your seasonal package.
40:02
Your town must be scared to death about the weird happenings that are going on.
40:09
Yeah. The Weather Channel does not come to our town.
40:13
They they get so many reports of radical inclement weather
40:18
that they think the town is full of lunatics.
40:22
So all right.
40:23
So let's get back to how y'all were scolding mine for being mischief
40:27
and things that you could do not invisible.
40:30
This is obviously mischief.
40:32
This is more mischief than mine. I don't see it as mischief, though.
40:35
I don't think it's mischief.
40:36
You don't think pelting people with ice is not mischief?
40:40
No, maybe like and brainless fun.
40:43
Yeah. Yeah.
40:44
So is hobby.
40:45
So is taking the batteries out of a smoke detector and setting a fire in the house.
40:49
That's fun.
40:51
It's a little cute thing to do.
40:53
It's something I spend my Saturdays doing.
40:56
You're using the word cute a lot today.
40:59
Can we talk about that?
41:01
You are using cute a lot.
41:03
Yeah. Just for that activity.
41:05
That that that activity.
41:06
Do you want us to call you cute?
41:08
I wouldn't hate it.
41:09
You guys could use it a little bit more.
41:11
I call you cute.
41:13
You'll keep calling me a little ugly, wretched being.
41:18
And it's starting to hurt.
41:20
It's just like to get pelted by ice.
41:22
All right, Zach, let's hear yours then.
41:24
Yours is so much better.
41:26
Mine is a little more unhinged.
41:28
All right. So if I become invisible, I will do an activity based around my belief that orangutans don't commit enough crimes.
41:36
OK.
41:37
So orangutans commit crimes.
41:39
Not enough, though.
41:41
I don't know the stats, the recent stats on orangutan crimes, but I don't.
41:47
The stats you have outdated?
41:48
They're probably a little bit outdated, but I don't think they do enough crimes.
41:51
So what I'm going to do is I'm going to puppeteer an orangutan to commit crimes, whether it be petty theft, whether it be giving that orangutan a gun, going in and shooting up a shopping center, maybe putting a little bandana around his face on glasses,
42:06
make sure he doesn't get identified.
42:08
Basically, the image of this is I will be behind the orangutan as an invisible person, grab both hands of the orangutan, put the gun in the orangutan's hand and just kind of carry him as he walks through.
42:22
The orangutan is completely innocent as it is an animal and just kind of along for the ride.
42:28
So it doesn't fight back?
42:29
It's a mild, better orangutan.
42:31
Yeah.
42:32
Which is ironic for the stuff I'm making it do.
42:34
Maybe do a little Grand Theft Auto.
42:36
They seem to see orangutan floating.
42:39
Kind of wobbling as if it were wobbling.
42:42
I think that would cause a stir.
42:43
You're not worried about any repercussions towards this orangutan for these crimes?
42:48
I am not.
42:49
I can get another orangutan.
42:50
Okay.
42:51
To be honest, if I was going to look at the ape family and say one of you guys are more aggressive and prone to violence than another, I would say it'd be the baboon for sure.
43:02
Yeah.
43:03
I just feel like the baboon would be hard to handle.
43:05
I feel like they did.
43:08
Make a limp baboon.
43:09
Carry that limp baboon to a mall.
43:11
The head's just kind of hanging down as he's just kind of floating around the shopping center.
43:16
They're already known for throwing feces.
43:18
Yeah.
43:19
What's, you know.
43:20
It's a step up to give them a-
43:22
Have them throw a bullet, you know.
43:23
Yeah.
43:24
It's a step up to give them a Glock.
43:26
Now, you keep talking like these orangutans and baboons are expendable.
43:31
If you lose one, you could get another.
43:33
Yeah.
43:34
Where are you getting all these new world apes?
43:35
There's a guy.
43:36
I think we're going to have to do a little bit more about that.
43:38
We need more specifics on that.
43:40
Well, he's going to have to meet you before I give you the specifics on that.
43:43
Okay.
43:44
And he's going to want to know what you're going to do with his monkeys.
43:45
And we understand that.
43:46
We deal with people who need to know a little bit more information beforehand.
43:52
Give us like three facts about this guy just so we know what kind of guy you're doing business with.
43:58
Well, he has a- he wears a booty cap, a booty cap, a military bucket hat looking hat.
44:03
He has a mustache, a handlebar mustache, wears cargo camouflage shorts.
44:09
And me and him are in cahoots and that we want to start a new planet of the apes.
44:14
So this is kind of where I told him that I will be the catalyst for the beginning of the fall of mankind.
44:19
So you only told me- told us three things about it, which is what we asked, but I can- I can infer a fourth thing.
44:25
You're never satisfied.
44:26
I'm going to infer that this man, former military, probably dishonorably discharged.
44:30
This guy hangs out a little bit too much in Asia.
44:35
He was dishonorably discharged in this story he told me.
44:38
He was dishonorably discharged because he would berate the commanding officer saying there was not enough apes in the military.
44:44
And he's been at this for a minute.
44:46
Yeah. This is a core belief of his.
44:48
And really once I met him at the local Chuck E. Cheese, he really, he really gave me all his ideas and his manifesto.
44:57
And I saw where he was coming from and I said, you know what?
45:01
There are not enough monkeys creating violence and we need to create a monkey uprising.
45:06
And now me and Chuck from Chuck E. Cheese.
45:09
I did kind of- sorry about that Chuck. I did kind of out you there.
45:12
There's five things.
45:15
He hangs out at Chuck E. Cheese and not a small amount.
45:19
What were you guys there for? Did you guys know the same kid or something?
45:21
Chuck has been going after a five foot stuff bear for about 30 years that he's trying to win.
45:28
And he just has not been able to whack the mole enough to get the tickets.
45:32
Does he pretend like he's there for something else every time he goes in?
45:35
No, he's honest about it.
45:37
The employees know him.
45:39
The employees know him.
45:40
You're like, you're back for another one Chuck?
45:42
He's like, yeah, today's the day. It's never the day for Chuck.
45:45
And you were there because you stand in for the animatronic rat sometimes.
45:48
I do stand in for the animatronic rat.
45:50
I do a great job impersonating a fake rat, a metal rat.
45:54
Chuck Edward Cheese, yeah.
45:56
Is that what the E stands for?
45:58
It stands for something. I'm not sure what it stands for.
46:00
I always thought it was Elias.
46:02
Oh, it was Edrick.
46:03
But that's actually how me and Chuck got started because he saw me up on stage as the animatronic rat.
46:09
And like I'm doing my very mechanical movements and, you know, singing some Kidz Bop song.
46:15
And I turned to Chuck and I saw it in his eyes.
46:17
I was like, man, I wish I were a monkey.
46:19
And his eyes lit up.
46:21
He looks at me and he goes, boy, do I have some news for you.
46:25
And that's where it all started.
46:27
Now, now I just need to become invisible.
46:29
He's waiting on that part of the plan to happen.
46:32
Okay, yeah, I almost forgot that was even a thing.
46:35
I thought, yeah, I forgot about that piece.
46:37
I was so sold on the new world.
46:40
Yeah, yeah.
46:41
Well, I mean, since y'all seem to be pretty positive and open about this, maybe I'll tell Chuck about you and come around.
46:47
We'll start a meeting.
46:48
Yeah, I can let some of your apes start fires in my houses.
46:52
We tell Chuck it's time I have a job for somebody.
46:55
How cool would it be if we got invisible apes?
46:58
Very cool.
47:00
They are already incredibly agile.
47:03
Yeah, they could help.
47:04
They could help people with lots of ice.
47:07
Oh, you're back on your trees.
47:08
I mean, you know, if they're in charge, if this is their new world, you know, they do what they want to, you know, they're quick, agile, unpredictable.
47:20
If we do your thing, my thing falls into place.
47:23
And I think they would actually be really good for years because much like inclement weather, apes are unpredictable.
47:29
Listen, I'm happy that I was able to tie all of our stuff together.
47:33
But yeah, I'll tell Chuck about it all.
47:35
Maybe we can meet in a shack somewhere.
47:37
I'd say it'd be cool if we got Chuck on the on the podcast.
47:39
Maybe we can. We're do it.
47:40
We're do a guest.
47:41
We've been denying all the requests.
47:43
And just a quick fact check on Chuck E. Cheese, full name, legal name, government name, Charles Entertainment Cheese, the third.
47:52
Sounds like a rapper.
47:54
Charles Entertainment Cheese.
47:57
The name that his mother gave him.
47:59
The Chris Christian name.
48:02
His name before God and man.
48:05
I think entertainment was his mother's maiden name.
48:08
But yeah, now I'm getting a message here.
48:11
Our producer just handed me a message.
48:13
It's saying that we have QDNPR calling in, wanting to give us the news headlines of the day.
48:19
So we're going to toss it over to them.
48:32
Welcome to QDNPR.
48:35
I am Zacchaeus.
48:37
I am joined here with Evanescence and Alan Hundrow.
48:40
We have a shocking story today.
48:42
What can you tell us more about it?
48:44
Of course, Zacchaeus. Thank you.
48:46
Breaking news is that a man was pulled over in Colorado in middle of the May.
48:52
And this man, he blamed his dog for driving while the man was under the influence.
48:58
He was pulled over for a DUI and said that the dog was driving under further investigation at this point.
49:03
But it does feel like the dog's rights are being violated by this man for being framed.
49:09
Now, Alan Hundrow is a chief dog driving activist.
49:14
Alan Hundrow, what does this mean for the current dog driving community at large?
49:19
Zacchaeus, thank you for passing this over to me.
49:23
Too many dogs are being cut down in their prime because they're being blamed for crimes committed by humans.
49:32
Such crimes as drunk driving, public urination, throwing feces on doors and lighting it on fire, and terrorism.
49:43
Dogs cannot be blamed for these things. Someone has to stand up for them.
49:50
What should society do to prevent this from happening again and maybe push for a better society where dogs are able to drive vehicles?
50:00
That's a great question and I'd love to tell you.
50:02
I believe that society as a whole should become the dogs and the dogs should become the people.
50:09
The incredible novel George Orwell's Animal Farm gave us prime examples of what will happen.
50:17
And though I haven't finished the book, I assume it turned out well.
50:23
Now, I'm going to give it back to Evan here.
50:25
What is the general outcry from the population surrounding this situation?
50:32
The general public is not happy, not happy one bit.
50:35
There have been many riots, many tear shed candlelight vigils have been happening in many town squares with many popular slogans coming up.
50:45
Are really trying to highlight the fact that dogs should be able to drive without the fear of being framed for a DUI.
50:53
A lot of these signs, they say he is a good boy. If he can walk on a leash, he can drive a car.
50:59
But at the end of the day, the public is calling for the heads of the officers that arrested this dog in place of the DUI truck and truck.
51:07
Yeah, I've seen the mug shots. It is a sad turn of events with that dog.
51:12
Sources on the scene spoke with members of the family and they said things are looking rough.
51:21
And one local dog said there's no way this is possible. They're barking up the wrong tree.
51:26
I've seen a lot of signs that say down with the police.
51:35
This has put certain canine dog officers in a most precarious situation.
51:44
Can you speak more on that? The situation where they must support their society, but also support the queer that are in?
51:51
The officers are put in a terrible position, either supporting the community and their species as a whole or taking the side of their commanding officers.
52:03
And Zacchaeus Alejandro, another piece of this article does say when asked for a comment by the police officers, the officers, this is what they had to say.
52:14
The last thing we want to do is put him down.
52:22
Well, that's that's good to hear that they're not out for blood.
52:26
This is how Cryo sparked a movement across America with many activist groups popping up.
52:34
Zacchaeus, do you have any more on the different activist groups that have popped up in the wake of this?
52:41
There is one activist group that is really taking charge and become the forefront of the dog movement.
52:47
It is all dogs go to heaven and they believe that you can kill us, you can put us down.
52:52
But in the end, we will be sitting at the right hand of the Lord.
53:06
Some of the famous spokes spokes dogs have come out.
53:11
The two thirds of the cast of Homeward Bound does not support this.
53:18
They have called for the heads of the arresting officers.
53:23
It is also known that Air Bud has come out as a large supporter for all dogs go to heaven and down with the police.
53:32
That's very, very strong of him.
53:35
It's big for Air Bud to come out for this because he a lot rides on that for him.
53:40
All his sports contracts are now up in the air.
53:43
He risks losing all those sports contracts, Gatorade endorsements, curing a dog chow most likely will be behind him.
53:51
So he'll keep that one for sure.
53:54
I think we're just we're checking Twitter now.
53:57
It looks like Clifford, the big red dog, has has now come out against this.
54:03
If anybody's going to sway the support of the public, I think it's PBS his own Clifford, the big red dog.
54:10
I assume the red has many meanings in his name.
54:15
But as of right now, that red really signals the anger that he is feeling toward the injustice.
54:20
He's he's calling for blood.
54:23
He does seem to have a bone to pick.
54:26
It was right there.
54:29
Many that are on the opposite side of this, the humans that are against dogs driving, they have come out and said that you lay down with the dogs.
54:38
You're going to wind up getting ticks.
54:41
Fleas fleas. Same thing.
54:44
You might get both.
54:46
They tried to one up it actually, Zacchaeus.
54:48
They said you won't just get fleas, you'll get ticks.
54:51
And they were right. I woke up and I've had maybe 13 ticks on me since I started laying with my dogs.
54:58
You're sure they didn't mean ticks as in tickets. You lay down with dogs, you'll get tickets.
55:02
Yeah, I've got a lot of speeding tickets.
55:05
That's totally separate.
55:06
Evan, who are some people that are coming out in support of the police in this trying time?
55:12
It comes across my desk that Campbell's Chicken Noodle Soup is against the dog uprising.
55:18
I was reading that. It seems that they have moved the letters from their alphabet soup D, O, and G from the lineup.
55:27
Coming across my desk now, off the docket, cats are actually against this movement.
55:33
Big surprise there.
55:34
A lot of cats are in support of the police saying if we can't drive, why should the dogs be allowed to?
55:40
And their slogan is Pussies for Police.
55:43
Trying times we're in for whatever side you decide to fall on.
55:56
But I pray just be safe, be humble, and lastly, be everlasting.
56:01
From Zacchaeus, Evanescence, and Alejandro, this is QDNPR.
56:18
All right. Well, that was that was news straight from our NPR QDNPR office.
56:24
It's always good. It's always good.
56:25
We need to be thankful for them that they're bringing us the cutting edge stories right on the forefront.
56:31
Some people have some people have said that we don't we don't cover current events.
56:37
You know, we don't we don't like to get political.
56:39
But it's it's good to have our sister station over there who's keeping us abreast of what really matters.
56:46
What I would say is the most important, the most important stuff.
56:49
I agree. But anyway, that's it.
56:52
That's it for today. If you have a hypothetical you want us to answer, if you need advice, email us.
56:57
QuestionableTourPodcasts at gmail.com.
57:00
Any closing closing thoughts for episode 15, boys?
57:04
I would say if anybody wants to send us a picture of a drawn clock based off of Evan's sleep schedule, sleep timing, send that to us.
57:13
We need to visualize it.
57:14
Go back and listen. Listen to the episode.
57:17
Just give us a visualization of that clock, because honestly, that was ludicrous and I need to see it to understand it.
57:24
Listen to it slowly and listen to it carefully.
57:27
And if you play it backwards, you'll hear a secret message.
57:31
I'm part of the Russian mafia.
57:40
But yeah.
57:41
Oh, though one other thing we wanted to mention is now that we're gathering a number of people, it's non-specific number.
57:52
A listener base.
57:53
We got enough to say this.
57:55
We got to figure out a name to call you people. You people.
58:00
Right now we refer to you as scum.
58:06
We refer to you as the dirt on the bottom of our soul.
58:11
But if you want to come up with a better name, we're looking to change that.
58:16
We don't really want to keep calling you that.
58:19
We think a lot of you guys.
58:21
And so we're trying to come up with some other names.
58:24
So if you have a name that you think our fan base should be called.
58:27
Yeah, it encompasses what our listeners say.
58:30
I hate to even call it a fan base.
58:32
You know, I mean, it's just a base.
58:35
It's just a bunch of bored people, probably unemployed.
58:39
Nothing better to do.
58:41
But yeah, emails that to question will you tour podcast at gmail.com.
58:46
But that's it.
58:47
Let's be done.
58:53
Expect the detour.