Latest / She's On The Money / Superyachts, Sports Cars, and a Secret She Couldn’t Tell Anyone

Transcript

Superyachts, Sports Cars, and a Secret She Couldn’t Tell Anyone · She's On The Money

0:00
Speaker 1: Hello.
0:01
Speaker 2: My name is Satasha Nabananga Bamblet. I'm a proud or
0:04
Speaker 2: the Order Kerni Whaltbury and a waddery woman. And before
0:08
Speaker 2: we get started on She's on the Money podcast, I
0:11
Speaker 2: would like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land
0:14
Speaker 2: of which this podcast is recorded on a wondery country.
0:18
Speaker 2: Acknowledging the elders, the ancestors and the next generation coming through.
0:23
Speaker 2: As this podcast is about connecting, empowering, knowledge sharing and
0:27
Speaker 2: the storytelling of you to make a difference for today
0:30
Speaker 2: and lasting impact for tomorrow.
0:33
Speaker 1: Let's get into it.
0:34
Speaker 3: She's on the Money. She's on the Money.
0:57
Speaker 1: Hello, and welcome to She's on the Money. The podcast
1:00
Speaker 1: does that let's you be pervy about other people's money
1:02
Speaker 1: habits educational purposes of course. Welcome back to another one
1:06
Speaker 1: of our money diaries where I get the absolute privilege
1:09
Speaker 1: of talking to one of our incredible She's on the
1:11
Speaker 1: Money community members all about their journey. Before I read
1:15
Speaker 1: out today's email, I actually just want to jump in
1:17
Speaker 1: here and give a content warning. So today we are
1:19
Speaker 1: going to be discussing domestic violence. We are going to
1:22
Speaker 1: be talking about financial abuse, and if that's not for
1:25
Speaker 1: you and you aren't in the mood for hearing that,
1:28
Speaker 1: or it is a story that is one that you
1:30
Speaker 1: just don't really want to hear right now, jump off.
1:33
Speaker 1: We have more than seven hundred other episodes you can
1:36
Speaker 1: listen to, but if you're still sticking around, let's get
1:39
Speaker 1: into it. This week, I got a very powerful message
1:42
Speaker 1: and it sounded like this, dear, she's on the money.
1:46
Speaker 1: I grew up in a working class family. Mum raised
1:49
Speaker 1: two kids on her own, and my dad didn't pay
1:51
Speaker 1: child support, so she busted her balls, working three jobs.
1:55
Speaker 1: I've seen her lose money due to relationship breakdowns, one boyfriend.
2:00
Speaker 1: Our house down when I was in grade four, which
2:02
Speaker 1: left us with nothing. I've always been sensible with money,
2:06
Speaker 1: but normal. Then I married into a very wealthy family,
2:11
Speaker 1: super yachts rich. My husband didn't want me to work,
2:14
Speaker 1: and I followed him and his career, and I got
2:16
Speaker 1: sucked in by all the shiny things. After I sold
2:20
Speaker 1: my only asset, my home, I discovered over time he
2:24
Speaker 1: was conning people for money. We lived a very lavish life,
2:29
Speaker 1: but other people were paying for it. I had no control, understanding,
2:33
Speaker 1: or access to money. During our marriage. I had to
2:36
Speaker 1: ask for money for petrol. We didn't even have a
2:39
Speaker 1: joint account. One day, when he was away for work,
2:42
Speaker 1: I left my Porsche keys on the coffee table and
2:45
Speaker 1: fled into State with our six month old baby with
2:48
Speaker 1: no access to money. My story has been a wild ride,
2:52
Speaker 1: and I am now obsessed with getting back in front financially.
2:56
Speaker 1: I would love to be brave and shared the story, Diarist,
3:00
Speaker 1: What a privilege that you want to share it with me.
3:04
Speaker 4: Thank you so much. That sounds so strange to hear
3:07
Speaker 4: that being read back to me.
3:09
Speaker 1: It's weird when it's vocalized, isn't it. Everyone says that
3:11
Speaker 1: they're always like, oh my god, Like I'm pretty cool,
3:14
Speaker 1: an't I? It's true, though, I am so excited to
3:19
Speaker 1: ask so many perfect questions about this. But before we
3:22
Speaker 1: get their money, Diarist, what grade would you give your
3:25
Speaker 1: money habits? From A through to F.
3:27
Speaker 4: I'm going to say A C C.
3:30
Speaker 1: All right, Well, now we get to learn more about
3:32
Speaker 1: that money, Diarist, Can you tell me a little bit
3:35
Speaker 1: more about your money story?
3:37
Speaker 4: I can so grew up in a very normal working
3:41
Speaker 4: class situation. I was definitely fed the message to put
3:46
Speaker 4: your head down, bump up work, buy a house as
3:49
Speaker 4: the first thing that you do and then live your life,
3:52
Speaker 4: and that was your main asset. It was very I guess,
3:56
Speaker 4: very standard, nothing too adventurous, but safe the message that
4:00
Speaker 4: I got. And I saw my mum do, and yeah,
4:05
Speaker 4: I think I was on track for that, and I yeah,
4:09
Speaker 4: fell into a situation where I got a dazzled by
4:14
Speaker 4: someone who I thought was smarter than me with money,
4:17
Speaker 4: someone who I thought was way in front of me
4:20
Speaker 4: with money. And I got really impressed by that.
4:23
Speaker 1: Of course, like I would be too, even if like
4:27
Speaker 1: I'm friends with someone who's doing well, Like it's not
4:30
Speaker 1: just about them having lots of money. Usually if you
4:33
Speaker 1: have lots of money, you probably have a business or
4:35
Speaker 1: you're like really tenacious or like really confident. Like it's
4:40
Speaker 1: not it's not just like, oh they have money, how attractive.
4:43
Speaker 1: It's like all of the other stuff that comes along
4:45
Speaker 1: with it. That's not just the stuff. It's like the
4:48
Speaker 1: personality traits.
4:49
Speaker 4: Right, Ah, that is exactly right. I got impressed with
4:52
Speaker 4: the confidence, the vision, all of that.
4:55
Speaker 1: We all want that though, Like you will impress me
4:58
Speaker 1: if you've got vision, you got confidence. I'm like, I'm
5:00
Speaker 1: on this journey with your baby, like we aren't even
5:02
Speaker 1: getting married. I just want to be a.
5:03
Speaker 4: Friend, Like, yeah, that's right. And I'd seen my mom struggle,
5:08
Speaker 4: like really struggle. I mean I remember coming home from
5:11
Speaker 4: school every night on my own, you know, having to
5:14
Speaker 4: do like prep dinner. We didn't do lavish holidays. You know.
5:19
Speaker 4: My mom just made ends meet, basically, And like I
5:22
Speaker 4: said in my intro, I saw my mom lose a
5:24
Speaker 4: lot of money and everything when our house burnt down
5:28
Speaker 4: and having to start from scratch. I'm talking wearing hand
5:31
Speaker 4: me down clothes to school and everything.
5:34
Speaker 1: That is a piece of the puzzle that I think
5:35
Speaker 1: we have glossed over here. Your house got burned down
5:39
Speaker 1: by your mum's at the time boyfriend.
5:42
Speaker 4: Yes, so she'd ended the relationship and here he was
5:46
Speaker 4: very jealous and controlling and we went away for a
5:50
Speaker 4: weekend and we weren't going twenty four hours in our
5:53
Speaker 4: house was burnt to the ground, she deliberately. Yeah. So
5:59
Speaker 4: I think, yes, the history there of like the financial
6:04
Speaker 4: ups and downs is really strong for me. And also
6:08
Speaker 4: that kind of power and control dynamic going on. Yeah.
6:13
Speaker 4: So that's something that I've had to really face and
6:16
Speaker 4: kind of live with and kind of hopefully overcome. Yeah,
6:21
Speaker 4: but that was rough.
6:22
Speaker 1: Because that's trauma. Like that's not just rough, that's serious.
6:26
Speaker 1: Trump is your mum? Okay, now my mom is.
6:30
Speaker 4: Yeah. Like with that background that I said, it was
6:32
Speaker 4: very sensible. You know, we didn't live outside our means
6:36
Speaker 4: or buy something if we couldn't afford it. That was
6:38
Speaker 4: always the message that I got. So Mom didn't go
6:41
Speaker 4: out and buy a brand new couch when her house
6:44
Speaker 4: got rebuilt. She waited. So we didn't have a couch
6:47
Speaker 4: for a year, you know what I mean? So, or
6:49
Speaker 4: we had hand me downs and so when we got
6:51
Speaker 4: that couch after a year, it was like the best
6:53
Speaker 4: thing ever. So I've taken those things into my life
6:56
Speaker 4: where we don't you know, I don't live outside my means,
6:59
Speaker 4: and you know I say for things or I say
7:01
Speaker 4: no if I can't if it's not going to work
7:03
Speaker 4: for me financially to go away that weekend.
7:05
Speaker 1: Or yeah, totally. So you've grown up like most of us.
7:08
Speaker 1: And then how old were you? You met what you
7:11
Speaker 1: thought was the man of your dreams? But how did
7:14
Speaker 1: that eventuate? Honestly? Like, I know this didn't work out
7:17
Speaker 1: for you, but how do we meet someone who's super
7:19
Speaker 1: yacht rich, Like, how do we do that because like
7:21
Speaker 1: like key asking for a friend.
7:23
Speaker 4: Ah yeah, that's a point of contentious issue with myself
7:28
Speaker 4: and my best friend because she introduced us.
7:30
Speaker 1: Oh the audacity.
7:33
Speaker 4: She didn't know.
7:34
Speaker 1: Honestly, if I had a super yacht rich friend and
7:37
Speaker 1: then my friend was single, I'd be like, guys, I
7:40
Speaker 1: have a match for you.
7:43
Speaker 4: Yeah. Yeah. She thought she was doing great thing. And honestly,
7:46
Speaker 4: I just went head over heels. You know, I was
7:48
Speaker 4: swept off my feet. There was the full fairy tale scenario.
7:51
Speaker 4: So I had just recently come out of a relationship
7:54
Speaker 4: of six or seven years, and you know, I was
7:57
Speaker 4: grieving that. And it wasn't a bad breakup or anything.
7:59
Speaker 4: We just I'd come to the end of our end
8:02
Speaker 4: of our time, and you know, I was in my
8:04
Speaker 4: mid thirties, and I just knew it wasn't the guy
8:07
Speaker 4: that I was going to have, you know, get married
8:08
Speaker 4: to and have children with. So we ended it. And
8:11
Speaker 4: then it wasn't only six months later that this other
8:14
Speaker 4: person came into my life, and you know, I was
8:16
Speaker 4: still grieving and feeling that loneliness that you feel post
8:19
Speaker 4: break up and questioning your life and what's going to
8:22
Speaker 4: happen and I'm not going to have children and all this.
8:24
Speaker 1: Time, I'm going to be single forever.
8:26
Speaker 2: Yeah.
8:26
Speaker 4: I literally thought I'm going to be single forever. And
8:29
Speaker 4: then I met this guy and it was like lavishness
8:33
Speaker 4: from the start, you know, dinners flying here, flying there.
8:38
Speaker 1: So you got completely love Bob.
8:40
Speaker 4: Oh. Yeah, who doesn't like having huge bouquets of flowers,
8:45
Speaker 4: you know, turning up at their office.
8:47
Speaker 1: I'm not going to lie, like I get that, Like
8:49
Speaker 1: I'm just a girl at the end of the day.
8:51
Speaker 1: Like that sounds fun. Like I wish I'd been more
8:54
Speaker 1: adventurous in my dating years, you know.
8:57
Speaker 4: And I think I saw my mom go through such
9:00
Speaker 4: struggle and I became, you know, so hyper independent. You know,
9:04
Speaker 4: I just built my own house. Like I was so
9:07
Speaker 4: independent that I think for there was a time I went,
9:10
Speaker 4: oh my god, I don't have to be here's someone
9:13
Speaker 4: saying you don't have to work, you don't have to
9:15
Speaker 4: do this, you can have whatever you and I went,
9:17
Speaker 4: oh my god. What It was almost like a relief.
9:19
Speaker 4: I went, wow, you know, maybe this is so nice.
9:23
Speaker 4: Yeah yeah, yeah. So but what I didn't do was
9:27
Speaker 4: really evaluate the situation and kind of see those red.
9:31
Speaker 1: Fogs tinted glasses on, and when you see red flags
9:35
Speaker 1: through rose tinted glasses, they look pink.
9:40
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, so the red flags are it? You know?
9:42
Speaker 4: And I will say this to anyone that's listening. The
9:44
Speaker 4: red flags are there from the start, but we.
9:47
Speaker 1: Don't want to look at them and like, oh, like
9:49
Speaker 1: red flags are so easy to look past. When you
9:52
Speaker 1: get a really big bunch of flowers, you're like, oh,
9:54
Speaker 1: clearly he didn't mean that. Like, don't get me wrong,
9:56
Speaker 1: I'm not endorsing that because we don't want that to happen.
10:00
Speaker 1: Like you're sharing your story obviously for a number of reasons,
10:03
Speaker 1: but one of them would be because you don't want
10:04
Speaker 1: this to happen to somebody else's right. I also don't
10:08
Speaker 1: want people to feel shamed that they went through it.
10:11
Speaker 1: And I'm sure that you went through that period of
10:12
Speaker 1: time and you'd be like, oh my god, I'm so embarrassed,
10:14
Speaker 1: Like these red flags were here the whole time. No,
10:18
Speaker 1: Like we are innately emotional human beings. We can we
10:22
Speaker 1: can maybe look past a red flag if it feels good.
10:25
Speaker 4: Absolutely, I still feel like, how how how did I
10:29
Speaker 4: not act on that? Or how did I let that go.
10:33
Speaker 4: I mean, I would never again, but yes, I mean
10:36
Speaker 4: I'd also come out of a relationship with a really
10:38
Speaker 4: nice person.
10:39
Speaker 1: So you just don't expect it.
10:41
Speaker 4: Yeah, I didn't expect it, but it's amazing how quickly
10:44
Speaker 4: I lost my footing. You know, within six months, I
10:47
Speaker 4: wasn't working, Like I'm the person that's always had two
10:49
Speaker 4: jobs and all the things. But next minute I was,
10:52
Speaker 4: you know, overseas following his business ventures, and I wasn't working.
10:57
Speaker 4: And it is insane. How if you don't, I don't
11:00
Speaker 4: have money coming in of your own, how quickly that
11:04
Speaker 4: starts to destabilize you and make you feel wobbly, And
11:07
Speaker 4: the power dynamic shifts almost instantly. And even though I
11:11
Speaker 4: was reassured by him that you know, this was going
11:14
Speaker 4: to be like an easy thing and he was going
11:16
Speaker 4: to look after me and I didn't have anything to
11:17
Speaker 4: worry about, et cetera, et cetera, that I was instantly changed.
11:21
Speaker 2: Yeah.
11:21
Speaker 4: Wow, he I'd flown across the world and you know,
11:24
Speaker 4: had committed to going overseas for this year period which
11:27
Speaker 4: ended up being two years, and I didn't work, And
11:30
Speaker 4: so I found myself feeling very much the power dynamic
11:36
Speaker 4: me being at the bottom and him being at the top.
11:38
Speaker 4: And it wasn't a good situation because I didn't get
11:44
Speaker 4: an idea of money with us, Like, I didn't know
11:47
Speaker 4: where money was coming in from. I didn't have any
11:50
Speaker 4: clue as to the financial situation. I was given a
11:53
Speaker 4: little bit of money every day and I'd go out
11:55
Speaker 4: and buy the groceries and you know, do my thing,
11:58
Speaker 4: and I just, yeah, that was the beginning of being
12:02
Speaker 4: incredibly disempowered around money and falling into a situation where
12:07
Speaker 4: my self esteem got really affected by it, and it
12:10
Speaker 4: just continued.
12:11
Speaker 1: Then yeah, wow, so you met this guy. He swept
12:15
Speaker 1: you off your feet literally and figuratively. You're not working
12:20
Speaker 1: six months in Like, honestly, this could have worked out
12:23
Speaker 1: so well if he wasn't who he was and he
12:26
Speaker 1: wasn't like, it could have been a dream life. And
12:28
Speaker 1: that's exactly what you were anticipating. Someone once said to
12:31
Speaker 1: me that the reason you didn't see the red flags
12:35
Speaker 1: was because you would never operate in the same way,
12:38
Speaker 1: so you didn't know what you were looking for. If
12:40
Speaker 1: you just saw it, and if you had bought a
12:43
Speaker 1: really big bouquet of flowers for somebody, it would have
12:46
Speaker 1: been from a place of love, and you would have
12:48
Speaker 1: assumed that that's what everybody does, right, Like, if you
12:52
Speaker 1: want to buy me flowers, it would be coming from
12:54
Speaker 1: a great place because if it was reciprocal, that's how
12:57
Speaker 1: I would have meant it. So you're not thinking that, honestly,
13:00
Speaker 1: the strategy and the thought process and what love bombing is,
13:03
Speaker 1: because you're just like, oh, that's so nice, Like I
13:07
Speaker 1: wish I'd thought of that. And I think that that's
13:10
Speaker 1: something you need to remember because so many people in
13:13
Speaker 1: situations like this, they blame themselves. And it's like, don't
13:17
Speaker 1: blame yourself. In fact, reward yourself because you're such a
13:21
Speaker 1: good person that that wouldn't have even been a part
13:23
Speaker 1: of your thought process to do something like that, And
13:27
Speaker 1: that's why it swept you off your feet, Like that's
13:30
Speaker 1: why it was so easy for them to do to you.
13:32
Speaker 4: I know, talk about sitting dark. I mean, if I
13:34
Speaker 4: owed someone fifty dollars and forgot to pay, I'd feel
13:37
Speaker 4: really bad about that, you know, And I, like I said,
13:39
Speaker 4: I'd always lived in my means, so I didn't know.
13:42
Speaker 4: I didn't have experience with people living outside of their
13:45
Speaker 4: means to such an extent either so or you know,
13:49
Speaker 4: being murky around money, because my family was very just straightforward. Yeah.
13:55
Speaker 4: So then when we came back.
13:57
Speaker 1: So you've been away for two years, you came back
13:59
Speaker 1: and then did you get married?
14:01
Speaker 4: Yes? Great, got married? Had the two hundred odd thousand
14:06
Speaker 4: dollar wedding.
14:07
Speaker 1: Geez, Louise, what's a two hundred thousand dollar wedding buy
14:11
Speaker 1: you lots of stuff?
14:12
Speaker 4: No? But this is how extreme it was. So my
14:16
Speaker 4: wedding dress, you would think for a two hundred thousand
14:20
Speaker 4: dollar wedding would be what like a what I think
14:24
Speaker 4: it was two hundred and fifty dollars? Excuse me? Like
14:26
Speaker 4: I didn't have money to buy a wedding dress. I didn't.
14:30
Speaker 1: Wait what that wasn't part of How do you have
14:32
Speaker 1: a two hundred thousand dollar wedding and then the bride
14:34
Speaker 1: doesn't have access to cash?
14:36
Speaker 4: I know, I know, I can't, Like I'm saying it now,
14:39
Speaker 4: like a how I didn't have an f postcard that
14:41
Speaker 4: had money on it?
14:42
Speaker 1: I didn't, And like that makes sense, but like how
14:45
Speaker 1: was this guy that you married paying for stuff? And
14:48
Speaker 1: did you ever say, oh, can I have money for
14:50
Speaker 1: a wedding dress? Or is that in budget, Like how
14:53
Speaker 1: do these conversations eventuate. I'm just being pervy. I wouldn't
14:56
Speaker 1: be allowed to ask this if it was just two
14:58
Speaker 1: friends at brunch, but like we're on money podcast, I'm
15:00
Speaker 1: meant to ask this.
15:02
Speaker 4: I want to share this because I think money plays
15:06
Speaker 4: such a big part in women's health and sense of
15:10
Speaker 4: safety and sense of everything, security options. And I think
15:16
Speaker 4: by the time I got back from overseas, I was
15:18
Speaker 4: so wobbly, and I didn't have that income for the
15:23
Speaker 4: last two years, and yeah, so I felt like I
15:27
Speaker 4: couldn't ask him anything about money because I would be
15:32
Speaker 4: dismissed or made to feel that I wouldn't get it,
15:35
Speaker 4: you know, or like I think I was called simple
15:37
Speaker 4: minded a few times, just like constantly put down so
15:42
Speaker 4: that I, you know, as if I wouldn't get the
15:44
Speaker 4: big vision or wouldn't get the picture because that's not
15:47
Speaker 4: my background. And so I think my self esteem was
15:51
Speaker 4: so low that I felt like I couldn't ask for
15:54
Speaker 4: those things, so I didn't. I just kind of plodded
15:57
Speaker 4: along on my own, doing my own thing, and as
15:59
Speaker 4: a result, antic lavish wedding, like I went and bought
16:02
Speaker 4: a two hundred and fifty dollar dress, which looked pretty
16:04
Speaker 4: cool actually, but you like, I still have style.
16:07
Speaker 1: Come on, but I remember borrowing, like I remember.
16:11
Speaker 4: My brother paying for like a flower for my hair,
16:14
Speaker 4: And yeah, it was really really confronting. But everyone at
16:18
Speaker 4: that wedding thought that I had the most amazing life
16:23
Speaker 4: and that this was all like, you know, no one knew.
16:26
Speaker 4: I didn't tell anyone this stuff. I was so ashamed.
16:29
Speaker 1: Yeah, and like that makes sense. So you've married this guy,
16:34
Speaker 1: will we on a honeymoon?
16:36
Speaker 2: Like?
16:36
Speaker 1: What did we do? What do you do after a
16:37
Speaker 1: two hundred thousand dollar wedding?
16:39
Speaker 4: Didn't do a honeymoon? At that point, I think we
16:42
Speaker 4: had just built a house in a very I guess
16:45
Speaker 4: you would say blue chip area, and then so we
16:49
Speaker 4: moved into that and we hadn't even been in that
16:52
Speaker 4: for a few weeks when said person came home and said,
16:55
Speaker 4: I've sold the house and all the furniture in it,
16:57
Speaker 4: so you need to move out. So like this house
17:00
Speaker 4: I would physically built was then sold. Like I didn't
17:03
Speaker 4: have any decisions. I was not involved in one decision
17:05
Speaker 4: to do with money in our relationship.
17:07
Speaker 1: Never once was there any conversation about why he'd sold
17:10
Speaker 1: the house. And all your furniture.
17:12
Speaker 4: No, no, so there's just so much murkiness. So he
17:16
Speaker 4: I know. So then next minute we moved out of that, and.
17:18
Speaker 1: That would have actually spiraled me because like I would
17:20
Speaker 1: have felt so insecure and so untrusted and so like,
17:24
Speaker 1: you know, my feelings aren't being considered. But I'm assuming
17:28
Speaker 1: after having that for a few years, you don't even
17:31
Speaker 1: feel like you can vocalize that, and you probably haven't
17:33
Speaker 1: even thought, oh, I'm being disrespected here. You're just like,
17:36
Speaker 1: oh my god, I'm so dumb, Like why don't I
17:39
Speaker 1: understand this? So what did you do? Where did you move?
17:42
Speaker 4: I was crippled with shame over it, and I've faked
17:46
Speaker 4: it to everybody.
17:47
Speaker 1: You were like, yeah, we're moving, yay.
17:50
Speaker 4: Yeah, I was driving this luxury car and you know.
17:53
Speaker 4: But the ironic thing was he would work away a lot.
17:56
Speaker 4: So when he worked away, I'd be like scrambling trying
17:59
Speaker 4: to live off forty dollars a day, and then when
18:01
Speaker 4: he'd come home, we'd be at the best restaurants and
18:04
Speaker 4: buying the most expensive wine like that. I had like
18:06
Speaker 4: two lives.
18:07
Speaker 1: The idea that this man didn't even just give you
18:09
Speaker 1: a credit card, like.
18:10
Speaker 4: What I had no credit card. No, no, I had
18:13
Speaker 4: a card that had his name on it that I
18:16
Speaker 4: would have to ask on a daily basis to top up.
18:18
Speaker 4: And I'd be like, get one hundred dollars or fifty
18:20
Speaker 4: dollars or whatever. So yeah, I'd be at the pedro
18:22
Speaker 4: station not knowing whether I could put money in my
18:24
Speaker 4: car because it would bounce and I'd have to call
18:26
Speaker 4: and say, can you put money on the car? Like
18:28
Speaker 4: it was horrible.
18:30
Speaker 1: It's financial control. Like that is domestic Yeah, violence, Like
18:33
Speaker 1: at the end of the day, that is abuse. Was
18:36
Speaker 1: that his intention? Like obviously, like you know, I'm not
18:39
Speaker 1: trying to see the good in this because like you
18:41
Speaker 1: and I both know exactly what this is. This is
18:43
Speaker 1: domestic violence. But do you think at the time he thought, right,
18:46
Speaker 1: we're like on a strict budget, this is what we're doing.
18:48
Speaker 1: Or was it coercive control?
18:50
Speaker 4: It was coercive control because I was never allowed to
18:53
Speaker 4: bring it up or have a conversation about it. So
18:55
Speaker 4: I think if there was a conversation where he went,
18:57
Speaker 4: you know what we're actually you know, we're in the
18:59
Speaker 4: shit here. I've over committed with this job and this
19:02
Speaker 4: and rah rah, and can we try and live off.
19:04
Speaker 1: Yeah, like we're a couple, we're in this together.
19:07
Speaker 4: Yeah, can we do XYZ this next couple of months
19:10
Speaker 4: and blah blah blah. But it was so like his
19:13
Speaker 4: lifestyle versus my lifestyle were wildly different. You know, sometimes
19:17
Speaker 4: I think, why didn't I just go and get a job.
19:18
Speaker 4: But there were times when I had a job opportunity,
19:21
Speaker 4: and you know, but he want me to work because.
19:24
Speaker 1: Then you get your power back, and we don't want that.
19:27
Speaker 4: If I wasn't working, then I was flexible to fit
19:30
Speaker 4: in with his kind of chaotic lifestyle. As soon as
19:33
Speaker 4: I was grounded into a place of work, then it
19:36
Speaker 4: was never going to suit that situation.
19:39
Speaker 1: Wow.
19:39
Speaker 4: Yeah, So but the wheels were falling off for me mentally,
19:42
Speaker 4: and my friends and family were picking up on a
19:45
Speaker 4: little bit quite a lot. Yeah, so there was some
19:48
Speaker 4: icing on the cake. We had a trade e vandalizer
19:51
Speaker 4: house because he didn't get paid. I had people ringing
19:54
Speaker 4: me for the money that was owed when we were
19:58
Speaker 4: like having a luxury holiday. You know, I had people
20:01
Speaker 4: pull me up on the street saying that, you know,
20:04
Speaker 4: all these business things that were supposedly happening weren't actually
20:08
Speaker 4: real and they were asking me about it, and I
20:10
Speaker 4: was going, oh my god, this is that's not even true.
20:13
Speaker 1: So I knew that, and like you're here going I
20:15
Speaker 1: probably should be backing my husband, but what the heck
20:18
Speaker 1: is going on? Like and you're probably starting to question him,
20:21
Speaker 1: but then not feeling like you can question him like
20:24
Speaker 1: that would have been an awful position to be and
20:27
Speaker 1: I'm so sorry.
20:29
Speaker 4: Yeah it was pretty bad. And then yeah, so I
20:33
Speaker 4: decided after I saw a bunch of emails that on
20:37
Speaker 4: you know, a job he was doing that he was,
20:38
Speaker 4: you know, blatantly lying, and thought, oh, I have to go.
20:41
Speaker 4: This person won't have a conversation with me and won't
20:44
Speaker 4: is actually actively deceiving people.
20:47
Speaker 1: Then it's giving Hamish McLaren like that guy who was
20:52
Speaker 1: a scammer who pretended to be really rich and was
20:54
Speaker 1: like borrowing from Paul to give to Bob, Like yeah,
20:58
Speaker 1: that's it moving money, Yeah, moving money around, spending some
21:01
Speaker 1: of it along the way, hoping people don't follow up,
21:04
Speaker 1: like it just it's a whole scene like can be
21:07
Speaker 1: really you know, if someone says, oh, I don't forget
21:09
Speaker 1: your own fifty dollars, you go, oh yeah, oh, I'll
21:11
Speaker 1: just translate right now. But he could sustain those phone
21:16
Speaker 1: calls and messages and emails, for god, not until the
21:19
Speaker 1: person just can't be bothered anymore. That's what I saw
21:22
Speaker 1: happening as well. So yeah, so I thought I have
21:24
Speaker 1: to go. We had another property and it was just
21:27
Speaker 1: I had no control over any of it. So in
21:29
Speaker 1: the end, I was like, I can't believe what I've
21:30
Speaker 1: done here in getting into this situation. So I left,
21:34
Speaker 1: and my friends paid for my flight and my transport
21:38
Speaker 1: for a few goods down to another state. So I
21:41
Speaker 1: came back to my mum's place, like winding back a
21:44
Speaker 1: hot second, Like you had a baby during this, you
21:48
Speaker 1: had a six month old, and I'm assuming like for me,
21:52
Speaker 1: I'm a mom, I'm a new mum, like I have
21:53
Speaker 1: a one year old. Down I feel like you just
21:56
Speaker 1: start taking life a lot more seriously because you're like,
21:59
Speaker 1: they're reliant on me, and I'm assuming that was the
22:01
Speaker 1: push come to shove am I correct.
22:03
Speaker 4: That's exactly. I had a little girl. I remember holding
22:08
Speaker 4: her and thinking, oh my god, I cannot let her
22:13
Speaker 4: have this as her front row seats to a relationship.
22:16
Speaker 2: No.
22:16
Speaker 4: Yeah, and then someone said to me, now is your
22:19
Speaker 4: time because you have just given birth, You've had a
22:23
Speaker 4: really great birth, and you are in your power woman.
22:27
Speaker 1: Yeah, I love that you got that.
22:29
Speaker 4: Yeah, so now is your time.
22:32
Speaker 1: And I was like, you are so right, let's go.
22:35
Speaker 4: I remember my maternal health nurse even told me.
22:38
Speaker 1: To And at that point, you're like, oh, this is
22:41
Speaker 1: pretty serious. The maternal health nurse is telling you to leave.
22:45
Speaker 4: She actually said, I'm not allowed to say this, this
22:47
Speaker 4: is against my job description, but she said, but you
22:51
Speaker 4: need to leave.
22:52
Speaker 2: Yeah.
22:53
Speaker 1: What an angel though, because she wasn't meant to say that,
22:56
Speaker 1: but she knew what was in your best interests. Yeah.
22:59
Speaker 4: Yeah, she said, nothing's going to change, you need to leave.
23:03
Speaker 4: So I got up and I left, and yeah, and
23:05
Speaker 4: I went to my mom's and it was pretty awful.
23:08
Speaker 4: I'm not going to lie.
23:09
Speaker 1: So you had to make a plan because you said
23:11
Speaker 1: one day he was away for work, and so did
23:14
Speaker 1: you like plan in the back of your mind or
23:16
Speaker 1: with your friends? Go all right, well he's going away
23:18
Speaker 1: for work on this date and on that date, I'm
23:21
Speaker 1: going to x y Z.
23:23
Speaker 4: He always went away for work, so I knew. Yeah,
23:26
Speaker 4: so this is really horrible. It's actually a really horrible story.
23:30
Speaker 4: So I started packing like a box at a time
23:32
Speaker 4: and just putting it in a cupboard. And yeah, I
23:35
Speaker 4: started like going through on my stuff and thinking about
23:37
Speaker 4: what I needed. And my friend paid for my flight.
23:40
Speaker 4: That's right, she booked it. And then yeah, I had
23:43
Speaker 4: another friend who lived close by who came and got
23:44
Speaker 4: me on the day and I couldn't even have a
23:46
Speaker 4: normal conversation with him. So yeah, so I left and
23:50
Speaker 4: I went to my mom's and that's when I said
23:52
Speaker 4: I'm not coming back. He was really really angry, and
23:56
Speaker 4: I didn't realize it at the time because I didn't
23:59
Speaker 4: really think far ahead enough other than I don't have
24:01
Speaker 4: any money, I have nowhere to go. I have to
24:03
Speaker 4: go to my mom's place. Like what else do you do?
24:05
Speaker 2: You?
24:05
Speaker 4: I've got a baby. And I remember, like I think
24:08
Speaker 4: now that was the best decision I ever made, even
24:11
Speaker 4: though I didn't know, I didn't foresee it as being
24:14
Speaker 4: the best decision, if that makes sense, like putting that
24:16
Speaker 4: distance there.
24:17
Speaker 1: Yeah, one hundred percent, And like, I absolutely think you
24:20
Speaker 1: did the right thing. But that is such a hard
24:22
Speaker 1: decision to make to back up your life and just leave. Like,
24:25
Speaker 1: don't get me wrong, You're right. You couldn't have spoken
24:27
Speaker 1: to him, But like, you took the power away from
24:31
Speaker 1: a narcissist, and when you do that, you don't know
24:35
Speaker 1: how they're going to react. And yes, he would have
24:37
Speaker 1: been very angry, but who knows what he would have
24:40
Speaker 1: been like in person.
24:41
Speaker 4: Oh, the behavior afterwards was much worse. I'm going to
24:45
Speaker 4: say for years.
24:47
Speaker 1: Wow.
24:47
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, So I stayed with my mom and yeah,
24:51
Speaker 4: I had this baby. She was really good, you know,
24:52
Speaker 4: I didn't have to work for a little bit. And
24:54
Speaker 4: after a six months or so, I started doing some
24:56
Speaker 4: part time work with a friend who just started this business,
24:59
Speaker 4: and she come on, she took me under a wing,
25:01
Speaker 4: and that was really is.
25:02
Speaker 1: It sounds like you're surrounded by so many beautiful people,
25:06
Speaker 1: and in these situations, like the person who you're in
25:10
Speaker 1: a relationship often creates space between you and the people
25:15
Speaker 1: that you love, so that you don't have anybody to
25:17
Speaker 1: reach out to, so that you do feel ashamed and
25:19
Speaker 1: you don't want to share your journey. And I'm just
25:21
Speaker 1: so grateful that you still had those people around, like
25:24
Speaker 1: the fact that you had friends that were like, no money, diarist,
25:27
Speaker 1: we're going to pay for your flights, We're going to
25:28
Speaker 1: get you back to your mums. Like some people in
25:30
Speaker 1: these situations just they don't have anybody who's able to
25:34
Speaker 1: back them anymore because they've burnt those bridges because the
25:37
Speaker 1: person they were with purposefully did that to them, like insane.
25:41
Speaker 4: Well, yeah, so I was interstate from all my people,
25:44
Speaker 4: so it's only because I've remained in contact with them.
25:48
Speaker 4: But I will say that that's I did have family
25:50
Speaker 4: members and relationships that got burnt because of that exact thing.
25:55
Speaker 4: So yeah, that was really awful. I've over the years
25:58
Speaker 4: had to go back to those family members and rebuild
26:01
Speaker 4: those relationships and so that was pretty awful. But yeah,
26:05
Speaker 4: so after about a year, so I still had no
26:08
Speaker 4: excess to money, right because there was no like have
26:10
Speaker 4: a maritual account or anything.
26:12
Speaker 1: Absolutely, and you didn't keep the car. You just put
26:14
Speaker 1: your Porsche keys on the coffee table and walked out, like, yeah,
26:18
Speaker 1: was that because the car was in his name?
26:20
Speaker 4: Yeah, everything I didn't know. I wouldn't have even known
26:23
Speaker 4: how that was paid for, So I wasn't going to
26:26
Speaker 4: take that down. That was just ridiculous, driving one hundred
26:28
Speaker 4: thousand dollar car without any money in my bank account.
26:31
Speaker 4: That was humiliating. So my best friend's husband shout out
26:36
Speaker 4: gave me ten thousand dollars to buy a car.
26:39
Speaker 1: I just love how much support you're surrounded by.
26:42
Speaker 4: Yeah.
26:43
Speaker 1: Yeah, and he's like, sorry, my wife set you up
26:45
Speaker 1: with that guy, Sorry about it.
26:50
Speaker 4: Yeah. So then I filed for court because after I
26:55
Speaker 4: was picking myself up and I got the strength to go,
26:58
Speaker 4: all right, I actually need to go to court. I
27:00
Speaker 4: need to get some kind of financial settlement here. Otherwise
27:02
Speaker 4: I'm going to leave at my mum's until one hundred.
27:05
Speaker 4: So I filed for court. And also he had promised
27:09
Speaker 4: me that we didn't need to go to court, that
27:11
Speaker 4: he was going to give me x amount when he
27:13
Speaker 4: sold our development thing. And of course that date came
27:16
Speaker 4: and went and he didn't give me the money. And
27:18
Speaker 4: so that's when I filed for court. And I went
27:21
Speaker 4: to court and it was awful and I didn't get
27:25
Speaker 4: one dollar and I got a forty thousand dollars legal
27:28
Speaker 4: bill just to like put the icing on the cake.
27:31
Speaker 1: Excuse me, Okay, sorry, I have to be pervy. How
27:33
Speaker 1: do you go through all of that and not get
27:35
Speaker 1: a dollar? What did this man say or do to
27:37
Speaker 1: get out of all of this?
27:39
Speaker 4: So in the court, process. You do parenting stuff as
27:42
Speaker 4: one thing, completely isolated, and then you do your financials
27:45
Speaker 4: in one thing. And remember you got to pay to
27:49
Speaker 4: have a lawyer, right, and I didn't have the money
27:51
Speaker 4: to pay for a lawyer. So I did find a
27:52
Speaker 4: lawyer who was happy to do some kind of pro
27:54
Speaker 4: bono stuff, and then she had so much trouble getting
28:01
Speaker 4: him to.
28:01
Speaker 1: Oh, you wouldn't have been able to get financials out
28:03
Speaker 1: of him.
28:04
Speaker 4: Absolutely, he wouldn't provide any financials. So she ended up
28:09
Speaker 4: advising me to just put whatever resources I had into
28:12
Speaker 4: getting the parenting arrangement that I wanted because there was
28:16
Speaker 4: a note she said he'd buy by the chop off
28:18
Speaker 4: his penis and give you any money, and he will,
28:21
Speaker 4: So she said, you know, let's just go for the
28:23
Speaker 4: parenting stuff and then if we get some financials, let's
28:25
Speaker 4: try so anyway, so I remember, like one day, when
28:28
Speaker 4: we're doing the financials, we had to go to court.
28:30
Speaker 4: He had to have a barrister. It was five thousand
28:32
Speaker 4: dollars a day for a barrister. And I got there
28:34
Speaker 4: and we were in there for thirty seconds and he
28:37
Speaker 4: didn't bring any of the documents that he was meant
28:39
Speaker 4: to bring on the court that day as far as financials.
28:41
Speaker 4: So it got sent out of court for the day
28:43
Speaker 4: and it got further date down the track and I
28:45
Speaker 4: had to pay five thousand dollars that day.
28:48
Speaker 1: How the hell is that not a fee that he
28:51
Speaker 1: then has to pay for wasting everybody's time. This is
28:54
Speaker 1: insane to me. Like I understand the process, I really do,
28:58
Speaker 1: but like you're gonna waste their time, you have to pay,
29:01
Speaker 1: Like in surely that's the thing.
29:03
Speaker 4: Yeah. So then at the end we're in this like
29:05
Speaker 4: big room with the court person and myself and him
29:08
Speaker 4: and both our barristers, and you know what, I never
29:11
Speaker 4: got addressed on that day to do with financials. No
29:14
Speaker 4: one ever asked me a question or no one asked
29:16
Speaker 4: me what I want. And at the end of the
29:18
Speaker 4: court register, who was supposed to be like facilitating this
29:20
Speaker 4: whole financial thing, she just said, do you know what,
29:23
Speaker 4: none of this makes any sense. We've been here all
29:26
Speaker 4: day and I still don't understand your financial position. Why
29:29
Speaker 4: don't you just make your wife an offer and then
29:31
Speaker 4: we can all just move on and get out of
29:33
Speaker 4: the day. And so they went off in their room
29:35
Speaker 4: and they came back and they said the office is
29:36
Speaker 4: you row and my barrister who was so annoying on
29:41
Speaker 4: the day, he just was so weak. I didn't know him.
29:43
Speaker 4: He was not the person that I had the first
29:45
Speaker 4: time when I wanted the person that I had the
29:47
Speaker 4: first time, because she was a ball breaker anyway, So
29:50
Speaker 4: that's why I signed off on it. When he left,
29:52
Speaker 4: the court register said she get darling, don't worry. You'll
29:55
Speaker 4: build yourself back up and you've won. You've got your kid.
29:58
Speaker 1: You got out of there, okay, icon, Like you deserved
30:01
Speaker 1: so much more than that, And like, you know what,
30:04
Speaker 1: that man probably didn't even have any money because the
30:06
Speaker 1: money that he's like shuffling through is other people's. But
30:10
Speaker 1: like the fact that that money would have gone to
30:13
Speaker 1: raising your daughter as well, be so for real, Like,
30:16
Speaker 1: I get so frustrated about these situations because you've been
30:19
Speaker 1: taken advantage of, and even once you leave, you're still
30:23
Speaker 1: being taken advantage of.
30:24
Speaker 4: I know, and that time, like where you're committed to
30:28
Speaker 4: helping them and their business ventures, you're not earning super
30:32
Speaker 4: you know, your career is not going anywhere. They're building.
30:36
Speaker 4: So even if he didn't have like massive cash flow
30:38
Speaker 4: at that time, he saw businesses on the go. He
30:41
Speaker 4: still had, you know, all the things happening in place,
30:44
Speaker 4: and he was able to sell the property before core
30:48
Speaker 4: and do whatever he wanted with the money. I didn't
30:50
Speaker 4: get that privilege of going, oh cool, I'll get half
30:52
Speaker 4: of that so I can put that into it.
30:53
Speaker 1: And he shouldn't have even been doing that, Like, yeah,
30:56
Speaker 1: oh my goodness, I am so sorry. So to talk
31:00
Speaker 1: to me about today. Let's fast forward. You have a
31:02
Speaker 1: beautiful doors, you are on track to getting financially in front,
31:09
Speaker 1: and like you're here to tell the story, which is
31:12
Speaker 1: honestly so good. What does life look like today?
31:15
Speaker 4: So the good news is I managed to buy myself
31:18
Speaker 4: another place.
31:20
Speaker 1: You managed to buy yourself a house after all of
31:22
Speaker 1: that and icon.
31:24
Speaker 4: Yeah, so thanks to the government, they brought out this
31:27
Speaker 4: single parent scheme for women or men wanting to get
31:30
Speaker 4: back into the housing market. And so through that scheme,
31:35
Speaker 4: I fit the criteria perfectly. And I have a friend
31:38
Speaker 4: who is a mortage broker and he's like, you've got
31:39
Speaker 4: to get this. You have to go for this. You're
31:41
Speaker 4: perfect for this scheme, and so I did and I
31:43
Speaker 4: got a place. So that was good because I honestly
31:47
Speaker 4: thought I'm never going to be homeowner again ever, so
31:50
Speaker 4: that's still a scheme that's available.
31:52
Speaker 1: It is. We get people into that often, like it
31:56
Speaker 1: is actually so cool. It's yeah, I'm probably going to
31:59
Speaker 1: do a whole episode on that at some point. But
32:01
Speaker 1: like this idea that you can get in for a
32:03
Speaker 1: two percent deposit, no, LM, I like, it's actually so sexy.
32:09
Speaker 4: It's so helpful. So that's good. And I've yeah, I've
32:12
Speaker 4: just become quite obsessed with money stuff now and my
32:16
Speaker 4: like looking into the family history of my money journey
32:19
Speaker 4: and what I need to, like, you know, improve and
32:22
Speaker 4: face and all that kind of stuff. So I've started
32:24
Speaker 4: investing as well, think in the last couple of years.
32:27
Speaker 4: So I've got money that goes into ETFs or EFTs
32:30
Speaker 4: always get that around the wrong way. Yeah, yeah, ETFs,
32:32
Speaker 4: And then in the rays I've got raise and then
32:36
Speaker 4: I've also got I heard another lady who talks about
32:38
Speaker 4: money use this term. Maybe it was you, I'm not sure,
32:41
Speaker 4: but she's calls it spicy investments. No, I like that. Yeah,
32:43
Speaker 4: a couple of spicies that are just companies that I
32:46
Speaker 4: share the value with, and they were, you know, doing
32:49
Speaker 4: crowdfunding for equity and stuff like that. So I went
32:51
Speaker 4: in with a couple of those, which was exciting.
32:54
Speaker 1: No, I love that. So let's jump forward. Obviously I
32:57
Speaker 1: usually ask a million structured question, So now we're going
33:01
Speaker 1: to like backtrack and I'm going to answer those because
33:02
Speaker 1: We've got a beautiful segment of your story. But I wondered,
33:06
Speaker 1: what are you doing today? What do you do for work?
33:07
Speaker 1: How much money do you earn? Now?
33:09
Speaker 4: Okay, so I'm in the health industry or health space
33:12
Speaker 4: and I'm on around one hundred.
33:15
Speaker 1: Oh my goodness, I love this.
33:18
Speaker 4: I was going to say, but that also includes some
33:20
Speaker 4: single parenting family tax stuff from the government and you
33:24
Speaker 4: know that kind of thing.
33:25
Speaker 1: So good.
33:26
Speaker 4: Yeah, so that's worked out quite well.
33:28
Speaker 1: So you've bought a house, which is so iconic after
33:32
Speaker 1: going through this, you have a daughter. Talk to me,
33:35
Speaker 1: what are your big money goals? Now? You said that
33:37
Speaker 1: you are getting back in front financially. What are we
33:40
Speaker 1: working towards?
33:41
Speaker 4: So I want to get my second property this year,
33:44
Speaker 4: and just being a single parent, it is obviously hard
33:48
Speaker 4: to get the loan over the line, you know, with
33:51
Speaker 4: the banks and stuff like that, and I really felt
33:53
Speaker 4: the pinch of that the last couple of years being
33:55
Speaker 4: on your own and not having that jewel income to
33:57
Speaker 4: kind of go off and do projects and stuff. So
34:00
Speaker 4: I've got a really good friend who is in a
34:03
Speaker 4: similar situation, and we've decided to do something together, and
34:07
Speaker 4: so I'm looking forward to that, and I feel like
34:10
Speaker 4: I would love, you know, if more single moms got
34:12
Speaker 4: together and did stuff together, it would definitely help their
34:14
Speaker 4: financial security.
34:15
Speaker 1: Then that's so cool. I love that. I haven't heard
34:19
Speaker 1: of that. I've heard of friends just doing it together.
34:22
Speaker 1: I've heard of, you know, siblings buying together, but like going, Na,
34:26
Speaker 1: we're single moms. We're going to do this together, Adore,
34:29
Speaker 1: I'm obsessed with you.
34:30
Speaker 4: How good? Yeah, So we're on the fair start of
34:32
Speaker 4: the conversation and we've got a bit of an arrangement
34:35
Speaker 4: in place. We just are now getting I guess those
34:37
Speaker 4: pieces of puzzle together so we can actually go into
34:40
Speaker 4: the day and go, okay, this is what we're doing.
34:41
Speaker 1: Yeah, how good?
34:42
Speaker 4: I love this.
34:43
Speaker 1: All right, let's go to a really quick break because
34:45
Speaker 1: on the flip side, I have a few more questions
34:47
Speaker 1: for you. All right, money, darised, we are back you
34:53
Speaker 1: mentioned before. I'm investing. I've got some ETFs, I've got
34:57
Speaker 1: some rays. How did you start that journey? Is that
35:00
Speaker 1: part of your financial literacy journey? Was that something where
35:03
Speaker 1: you're like, I just need to be growing wealth? Like,
35:05
Speaker 1: how did you get into it?
35:06
Speaker 4: Yeah? I guess from I think you know, first comes
35:10
Speaker 4: to fear of going, oh my god, what am I
35:13
Speaker 4: going to do? You know, how am I going to
35:14
Speaker 4: get myself out of this? To how do I recuperate
35:17
Speaker 4: what I've lost in all the things? And how am
35:21
Speaker 4: I going to have financial security in the future. So
35:22
Speaker 4: I knew I wasn't investing, I didn't know how, I
35:25
Speaker 4: didn't know what you did with I was just so
35:27
Speaker 4: overwhelming for me. So I just started learning about it
35:29
Speaker 4: and yeah, following podcasts like yours and Instagram page like
35:33
Speaker 4: yours and a few others that were kind of giving tips,
35:35
Speaker 4: and that built my confidence to I did a couple
35:38
Speaker 4: of free webinars on investing, and that exposed me to
35:41
Speaker 4: those things like raise and shares these I think it is. Yeah,
35:44
Speaker 4: so that was how I built my confidence up to
35:47
Speaker 4: start doing that. And yes, so kind of just learning,
35:51
Speaker 4: just learning, And I think the other thing that I've
35:53
Speaker 4: done is my bad money habit, which I don't know
35:56
Speaker 4: if you were going to ask me about that, but
35:58
Speaker 4: I will after.
35:59
Speaker 1: But you can boil it now.
36:01
Speaker 4: Oh So my bad money habit which I wanted to
36:04
Speaker 4: get over was that I can be avoidant about it.
36:07
Speaker 4: So if I'm feeling overwhelmed, then I just go into
36:09
Speaker 4: complete avoidance. So I won't look at superannuation details, or
36:12
Speaker 4: I won't look at if it's performing, or I won't
36:14
Speaker 4: check my bank account that week because I'm worried I've
36:17
Speaker 4: spent too much money on the weekend. So that's my
36:20
Speaker 4: bad money habit. But on the flip side of that,
36:23
Speaker 4: I've kind of created my own little workbook that I
36:27
Speaker 4: do to overcome that, and that was all about financial
36:31
Speaker 4: literacy and daily habits so that I can come out
36:34
Speaker 4: of that avoidance. So I'm forcing myself to check things
36:37
Speaker 4: every day and forcing myself to learn one thing knew
36:40
Speaker 4: every day about money that I didn't know yesterday. That
36:42
Speaker 4: kind of thing.
36:43
Speaker 1: Yeah, no, I adore that. So talk to me about debt.
36:47
Speaker 1: You've obviously got a little bit of it, but it's
36:49
Speaker 1: good debt because you have a mortgage and you're actually
36:53
Speaker 1: planning on going into more. How much debt are you
36:55
Speaker 1: in what does that look like and how does that
36:57
Speaker 1: make you feel?
36:58
Speaker 4: I think the debt for the mortgages got bigger purpose,
37:00
Speaker 4: so I'm not that doesn't concern me at all. I
37:03
Speaker 4: don't really have any other debt which is good, other
37:05
Speaker 4: than my hex which is one of.
37:07
Speaker 1: Those you know ones that just linger. Mmm.
37:11
Speaker 4: So that's around thirty five, and I've got about two
37:15
Speaker 4: thousand in credit card. But I don't have any other
37:18
Speaker 4: debt and that's a good thing.
37:19
Speaker 1: Yeah, No, I love that for you. So back to
37:23
Speaker 1: best and worst money habits. You've obviously gone literally through
37:27
Speaker 1: it all. We've gone from literally having your house burned
37:30
Speaker 1: down when you were in grade four to super yacht
37:33
Speaker 1: family rich, back to being a single mum and having
37:37
Speaker 1: to borrow money from people and get people to buy
37:39
Speaker 1: your flight like you've been through the ringer. Do you
37:42
Speaker 1: have any good money habits that you've established along the way,
37:45
Speaker 1: like I feel like you would have to. You mentioned
37:48
Speaker 1: a couple of things before, but I want to know
37:51
Speaker 1: what else have we got.
37:52
Speaker 4: I think you know what I've thought about this question,
37:54
Speaker 4: and I think the main one, because it feelter to everything,
37:58
Speaker 4: is that now I'm talking about money a lot, and
38:01
Speaker 4: I've got my key friends that I talked to about
38:04
Speaker 4: money a lot. And it's not in a comparison way
38:06
Speaker 4: or a snoopy way or anything like that. It's more
38:10
Speaker 4: I want to know what other people are doing, what
38:12
Speaker 4: salary they're on. I want to know what the benchmarks
38:15
Speaker 4: are here. I want to know what everyone else is.
38:16
Speaker 1: Doing, so doing? How are you doing it? Like? Can
38:19
Speaker 1: I grow from this?
38:20
Speaker 4: So having the conversations and with my friends and family now,
38:25
Speaker 4: which I never if you know, what if I had
38:26
Speaker 4: have had those back all those years ago, you know,
38:30
Speaker 4: I might not have got into that situation because I
38:32
Speaker 4: would have been able to speak about it.
38:33
Speaker 5: You know.
38:34
Speaker 4: But when you grow up being told, you know, don't
38:36
Speaker 4: bring up money, that's very rude. You don't ask people
38:38
Speaker 4: what they own, that's very rude. And you know, obviously
38:40
Speaker 4: pick you don't just ask any random person what they earn.
38:44
Speaker 1: I do I actually do. Yeah, I've done it for
38:46
Speaker 1: years now. No one's corrected me, like, no one's actually
38:49
Speaker 1: stopped me. So far, so good.
38:52
Speaker 4: I found out that a colleague was on almost triple
38:55
Speaker 4: the amount, excuse me, Yeah, and it was only because
38:58
Speaker 4: in her induction they actually made an there are and
39:01
Speaker 4: so But then they had to, like, you know, live
39:03
Speaker 4: by it and pay her that. But that was so
39:05
Speaker 4: integral to understanding what.
39:07
Speaker 1: Was an option?
39:09
Speaker 4: Yeah, what was out there? And so I think, you know,
39:12
Speaker 4: we always think we can't talk about it, but how.
39:14
Speaker 1: How are we going to learn from each other? How
39:16
Speaker 1: do we lift each other up if we can't talk
39:18
Speaker 1: about where we're beginning from, Like, it makes no sense
39:20
Speaker 1: to me, Like my success doesn't dim your ability to
39:24
Speaker 1: be successful, Like my success actually helps you and gives
39:28
Speaker 1: you a pathway to what you could do. Like I
39:32
Speaker 1: want you to have that. I want you to have
39:34
Speaker 1: every ounce of that, because if you aren't going to
39:37
Speaker 1: back yourself, who is, Like you need to have every
39:40
Speaker 1: tool to put yourself in the best possible position. And
39:43
Speaker 1: I'm going to give you the tools. Like I've been
39:45
Speaker 1: in oodles of debt. I also now am in a
39:48
Speaker 1: way better financial position. But both of those things people
39:51
Speaker 1: can learn from. Why wouldn't I share that?
39:53
Speaker 4: Yeah, exactly exactly. And you know where there's secrets so
39:56
Speaker 4: to speak, that's where there's there can be predators or
39:59
Speaker 4: where they'res can be you know, things that aren't quite right,
40:02
Speaker 4: whereas you shit put the light on things, and yeah,
40:04
Speaker 4: it's more expensive.
40:05
Speaker 1: I guess, my goodness, So talk to me now. Worst
40:10
Speaker 1: money habit is it just burying your head in the sand,
40:13
Speaker 1: like you were saying before, You just hide from things
40:16
Speaker 1: that aren't maybe lighting you up or making you feel
40:18
Speaker 1: a little bit overwhelmed.
40:20
Speaker 4: Yes, I guess the avoidance stuff. So if I went
40:23
Speaker 4: away for the weekend and maybe I think I spent
40:24
Speaker 4: too much money, then I won't check my bank account
40:26
Speaker 4: for that week, or you know, just I get it though,
40:29
Speaker 4: stupid stuff like that. I'm very aware of it. So
40:32
Speaker 4: I've tried to face that through you know, doing daily
40:35
Speaker 4: practice of checking accounts and checking superannuation. Where's that sitting?
40:38
Speaker 4: Where's my race sitting? All that? But the other bad
40:41
Speaker 4: habit I think is probably, I guess with everything that's happened,
40:45
Speaker 4: is to blame myself or feel bad about it, or
40:48
Speaker 4: if you know, to continue like punish myself over it
40:51
Speaker 4: when actually that's not helping me. I have to keep
40:54
Speaker 4: looking forward. So yeah, any negative self talk is probably
40:57
Speaker 4: a bad habit and something that I'm continuously having to shake.
41:02
Speaker 1: Yeah, and I'm glad that you're aware of it, because
41:04
Speaker 1: if you're aware of it, you can work on it.
41:06
Speaker 1: Like that's a good position to be in. At the
41:09
Speaker 1: start of this episode, you said, i'ms and you've gone
41:12
Speaker 1: on to tell me one of the most powerful money stories,
41:16
Speaker 1: a story not about like dis growth. But you've been
41:20
Speaker 1: through it. You've come up, you've come down, you've come back,
41:23
Speaker 1: you've taken your power back, you've bought a house, you're
41:26
Speaker 1: looking at a second house. You don't have your head
41:28
Speaker 1: in this end. This has not destroyed you. In fact,
41:31
Speaker 1: it's probably made you stronger. You are so intelligent, so articulate,
41:36
Speaker 1: like I am at this point being like I hope
41:39
Speaker 1: our paths cross in person because I want to meet you,
41:41
Speaker 1: But I just I can't see your money story being
41:46
Speaker 1: graded as a sea Like I just can't see it.
41:49
Speaker 1: Like and I'm not going to argue with you after
41:51
Speaker 1: everything that you've been through, but after hearing all of this,
41:53
Speaker 1: after talking to me about this journey you've been on
41:56
Speaker 1: and what you've done and what you've fought for, because
41:59
Speaker 1: not everyone is in a position where they can do that,
42:02
Speaker 1: but you have, and you've stepped up even that would
42:05
Speaker 1: have been really friggin hard. Do you really think that
42:09
Speaker 1: that's the money story of a c person or like
42:12
Speaker 1: what would it take for you to go you know,
42:16
Speaker 1: when can we sit down and say, I'm an a,
42:18
Speaker 1: what would that take?
42:19
Speaker 4: It's true, I think I've still got some confidence to
42:22
Speaker 4: work on, and I think if I, yeah, have a
42:25
Speaker 4: few more wins in the next twelve months around confidence
42:28
Speaker 4: and money and stuff like that, I think that will
42:31
Speaker 4: take me up a notch or two.
42:32
Speaker 1: I love that. I'm not gonna agree to your cea,
42:35
Speaker 1: but I'll let you hide your bloth money, Diris. This
42:39
Speaker 1: has been an absolute privilege learning about your money story,
42:43
Speaker 1: like so pervy, but also so constructive, like just the
42:47
Speaker 1: idea that this could literally happen to anybody, and like
42:51
Speaker 1: you do get swept off your feet and like we
42:53
Speaker 1: all love love. I love love, Like I just you know,
42:56
Speaker 1: I would have been that friend at the side being like,
42:57
Speaker 1: oh my god, I'm so glad you found your literal.
43:00
Speaker 1: It's charming, Like I'm just so sorry that you went
43:02
Speaker 1: through it, but I'm just so grateful that you and
43:05
Speaker 1: I get to share this story with our community so
43:07
Speaker 1: that hopefully people can learn from it and grow from
43:10
Speaker 1: it and that it doesn't happen again to other people.
43:13
Speaker 1: So thank you for that. I just know the community
43:15
Speaker 1: is going to have loved listening to you as much
43:17
Speaker 1: as I've loved interviewing you.
43:19
Speaker 4: Thank you so much. Victoria, of course.
43:27
Speaker 1: Did by shared on She's on the Money is general
43:30
Speaker 1: in nature and does not consider your individual circumstances. She's
43:33
Speaker 1: on the Money exists purely for educational purposes and should
43:37
Speaker 1: not be relied upon to make an investment or financial decision.
43:40
Speaker 1: If you do choose to buy a financial product, read
43:43
Speaker 1: the PDS TMD and obtain appropriate financial advice tailored towards
43:47
Speaker 1: your needs.
43:48
Speaker 5: Victoria, Divine and She's on the Money are authorized representatives
43:52
Speaker 5: of Money showper pty Ltd ABN three two one IS
43:56
Speaker 5: six four nine two seven seven zero eight AFSL four
44:00
Speaker 5: five one two eight nine
44:11
Speaker 4: Mm hm