Latest / She Rises with Ashy & Tijana / 284. The REAL mum life Struggles no one is really talking about

Transcript

284. The REAL mum life Struggles no one is really talking about · She Rises with Ashy & Tijana

0:10
Speaker 1: Welcome to the She Rises podcast. I'm Ashi. And I'm Tiana.
0:14
Speaker 1: This podcast is.
0:15
Speaker 2: About female empowerment and encouraging you to be your biggest, boldest,
0:18
Speaker 2: and most authentic version of yourself.
0:21
Speaker 1: We help you shed the shame, grow to a new level.
0:23
Speaker 1: We're going to laugh, cry, and talk about the topics
0:25
Speaker 1: everyone else is too afraid to talk about.
0:28
Speaker 2: Get ready for your next level self. Hello, everybody.
0:31
Speaker 1: Welcome back to She Rises, a Monday episode, and today's
0:35
Speaker 1: for all the mamas. It's a mom life episode. We
0:38
Speaker 1: don't do these too often, but when we do, we
0:40
Speaker 1: get a lot of feedback saying, oh, can you talk
0:41
Speaker 1: about mom life more? I feel lonely. I feel lost.
0:44
Speaker 1: This is hard. I don't have any other moms around me,
0:46
Speaker 1: and it's just nice to know that in your motherhood journey,
0:48
Speaker 1: you really aren't alone, and we all do experience so
0:50
Speaker 1: many different things, but a lot of the same things
0:52
Speaker 1: as well.
0:53
Speaker 2: It just looks different because our kids are different.
0:55
Speaker 1: Your situation's different. Your relationship's different. Your finances are different,
0:58
Speaker 1: but I think we all do struggle in similar areas
1:01
Speaker 1: and being a parent, at the end of the day,
1:03
Speaker 1: it's a lot. It is a lot. But before we
1:05
Speaker 1: get into it, what's your share of the week?
1:07
Speaker 2: My share of the week is actually a supplement that
1:09
Speaker 2: I've been using for quite some time now. It's probably
1:11
Speaker 2: one of my more favorite ones to use because it's
1:14
Speaker 2: in a powder form. It's Ethical Nutrients Mega Zinc and
1:17
Speaker 2: Vitamin C Raspberry Powder.
1:19
Speaker 1: I've got this too. It's good.
1:20
Speaker 2: I don't like taking tablets.
1:22
Speaker 1: Yeah, you're not a tablet girl, are you?
1:23
Speaker 2: I would take them if I have to.
1:24
Speaker 1: Yeah.
1:24
Speaker 2: But if I can get it in a powder form
1:25
Speaker 2: and it tastes like raspberry, I'm going to do that instead.
1:27
Speaker 1: It's not bad tasting.
1:28
Speaker 2: It's actually really good. So even when I find I
1:31
Speaker 2: want to lean towards like a fun drink or something
1:34
Speaker 2: that's probably not good for my gut or something, I'll
1:36
Speaker 2: just have that powder with my food. And then I'm
1:37
Speaker 2: getting my nutrients in, I'm getting like vitamins in, and
1:40
Speaker 2: I'm also getting a fun drink as well.
1:42
Speaker 1: That's great. I don't love it that much, but it
1:43
Speaker 1: is good.
1:44
Speaker 2: I honestly, I'm obsessed with it.
1:46
Speaker 1: It is for powder.
1:47
Speaker 2: It's really good. It's a staple. And even my nieces
1:49
Speaker 2: and nephews have been starting to stuff I can get.
1:50
Speaker 1: Tash to drink that one too both my kids had
1:53
Speaker 1: a like a cold the last week and he's very
1:55
Speaker 1: hard to get like any kind of supplement in him
1:57
Speaker 1: whereas Tala she'll take lots of different things she's a
2:00
Speaker 1: lot easier in that sense but he drank that one
2:02
Speaker 1: so I was stoked it is a really good one
2:04
Speaker 1: you just get it from Flannery's too it's not super
2:06
Speaker 1: expensive no it's about 38 dollars maybe our naturopath recommended
2:10
Speaker 1: that after my surgery oh wow yeah yeah it's got
2:13
Speaker 1: zinc and the vitamin c for immune system and zinc's
2:15
Speaker 1: obviously good for skin and healing so highly recommend yeah
2:17
Speaker 1: nice My share of the week is a post that
2:20
Speaker 1: I found on Instagram and just the timing of it
2:22
Speaker 1: was like, wow, that's exactly how I feel. So today
2:26
Speaker 1: we're obviously talking about mum life and also talk about
2:28
Speaker 1: the challenges of being in a relationship while you've got children.
2:32
Speaker 1: Steve and I went to Sydney for, it was two
2:35
Speaker 1: nights actually. It wasn't just 24 hours, it was two
2:36
Speaker 1: nights and we had the best time. It was just like,
2:39
Speaker 1: I literally, I've told you, we went for a walk
2:42
Speaker 1: and I was on the walk and I'm like skipping around.
2:43
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh my gosh, going for a walk with
2:45
Speaker 1: you is just so fun. He's like, why? I'm like,
2:48
Speaker 1: just being together, just us, no interruptions. We chat the
2:51
Speaker 1: whole time, we get a coffee. It was just, just
2:54
Speaker 1: love being with my husband. And it sounds crazy, but
2:56
Speaker 1: sometimes I forget that when I'm caught up in stress
2:59
Speaker 1: and in kids and being interrupted and all the responsibilities,
3:03
Speaker 1: the work stress, all the mental load of life. Sometimes
3:07
Speaker 1: I forget that. And there's been moments where I'm like,
3:09
Speaker 1: am I bored? Like, do we still love each other? Like,
3:11
Speaker 1: why are we picking at each other? I question things
3:14
Speaker 1: sometimes when I'm really stretched and I have those moments
3:17
Speaker 1: where I'm like, oh, is this it? And then I
3:20
Speaker 1: get a moment with him and I'm like, I fucking
3:22
Speaker 1: love you so much. We have the best time together.
3:24
Speaker 1: But with kids, it's really hard. And I don't want
3:27
Speaker 1: this episode to come across as like complaining about my
3:29
Speaker 1: children because I wouldn't change them for the world. But
3:32
Speaker 1: if we're all really honest with ourselves, it is hard
3:34
Speaker 1: to keep a relationship really alive, really connected, really intimate
3:39
Speaker 1: all the damn time. And we go through many a seasons.
3:42
Speaker 1: We've been together for 18 years and I'd say majority
3:44
Speaker 1: of the time, we're pretty damn good, pretty proud of us.
3:47
Speaker 1: But there are seasons at the moment, for example, if
3:50
Speaker 1: you listen to the Life Update episode, it's been a
3:52
Speaker 1: really heavy season for us and a lot of work.
3:55
Speaker 1: It's been harder to stay really connected because we're both
3:58
Speaker 1: feeling so depleted that we almost don't have much for
4:00
Speaker 1: each other at the end of the day. And it's
4:02
Speaker 1: helped talking about that because sometimes Steve will say to
4:04
Speaker 1: me like, I'm sorry, babe, I literally feel like I've
4:06
Speaker 1: got nothing left for you and I have to keep working.
4:09
Speaker 1: It's been really hard, but Anyways, we went to Sydney.
4:11
Speaker 1: We had an amazing time. I came back so filled up,
4:13
Speaker 1: so in love. And then the next week we had
4:16
Speaker 1: a really big argument, like literally a week later. And
4:18
Speaker 1: I was like, how are we feeling so in love
4:21
Speaker 1: and just obsessed with each other? Now I'm like, ugh,
4:24
Speaker 1: like you're annoying me. Literally, we just had this big
4:27
Speaker 1: argument and I just felt really sad. And I was like,
4:30
Speaker 1: oh God, this isn't it. But then I found this
4:31
Speaker 1: post and I was like, wow. And I sent it
4:33
Speaker 1: to him and he's like, yep. Okay. So I'll read
4:35
Speaker 1: it out. It's by this guy called Garrett J.
4:38
Speaker 2: Watt.
4:38
Speaker 1: He's a coach. It's amazing how in five days on vacation,
4:41
Speaker 1: you laugh, you flirt, you make love, you remember why
4:44
Speaker 1: you fell in love. Then Monday comes, the kids come home,
4:47
Speaker 1: and it feels like you're married to a completely different person.
4:49
Speaker 1: Vacation isn't fake and neither is home. One simply removes
4:53
Speaker 1: the pressure. The other reveals it. Children are one of
4:57
Speaker 1: God's greatest gifts. They are also one of the marriage's
4:59
Speaker 1: greatest refining fires, not because children are the problem, but
5:03
Speaker 1: because pressure exposes what already exists. The house wakes up. Breakfast, school, sports, homework, screens, laundry, meals, schedules, noise, questions, interruptions,
5:14
Speaker 1: every single day. By evening, neither husband nor wife feels
5:18
Speaker 1: like themselves anymore. They're tired, they're overstimulated, they're tapped out,
5:23
Speaker 1: they're emotionally spent, they're running on fumes, and they're touched out.
5:26
Speaker 1: Then comes one of the marriage's greatest tensions. Mom and
5:28
Speaker 1: dad don't always see parenting the same way. One wants structure,
5:32
Speaker 1: the other wants grace. One corrects quickly, the other waits.
5:35
Speaker 1: One protects, the other prepares. Neither is necessarily wrong, they're
5:39
Speaker 1: simply different. Those differences really stay about the children. Eventually,
5:43
Speaker 1: they become personal. Things are said like, you never support me,
5:46
Speaker 1: you're too hard, you're too soft, you don't understand, you
5:49
Speaker 1: don't get me. The parenting conversation quietly becomes a marriage conversation. Meanwhile,
5:54
Speaker 1: the children aren't the only ones competing for attention. Workers calling,
5:59
Speaker 1: Phones are buzzing, bills are growing, friends need answers and support,
6:03
Speaker 1: social media is loud, life never stops asking for more
6:06
Speaker 1: of you. So somewhere inside all of it, the husband
6:09
Speaker 1: begins missing his wife, and the wife begins missing her husband,
6:13
Speaker 1: even though they're standing in the same damn kitchen. The
6:15
Speaker 1: tragedy isn't that love disappears, it's that survival takes over,
6:20
Speaker 1: and survival leaves very little room for romance. So couples
6:24
Speaker 1: start waiting. We'll reconnect after this season, after the diapers,
6:28
Speaker 1: after toddlers, after elementary school. It's obviously an American coach.
6:31
Speaker 1: After teenagers, after sports, after colleges. But another season always arrives.
6:37
Speaker 1: Marriage cannot survive on postponed connection. Love needs attention now.
6:42
Speaker 1: Not someday, not when life finally slows down, because for
6:45
Speaker 1: most families, it never does. The strong couples understand something.
6:49
Speaker 1: that children need healthy parents, more than parents who are
6:52
Speaker 1: constantly exhausted trying to be perfect. A thriving marriage gives
6:56
Speaker 1: children security, and neglected marriage eventually affects the whole home.
7:01
Speaker 1: Sometimes the greatest gift you can give your children is
7:03
Speaker 1: seeing mom and dad laugh together, pray together, hold hands, apologize, forgive,
7:08
Speaker 1: choose each other, and have fun. The goal isn't to
7:10
Speaker 1: agree on every parenting decision, you never will. The goal
7:13
Speaker 1: is to stay on the same team because children should
7:15
Speaker 1: never become the battlefield where husband and wife become opponents.
7:18
Speaker 1: Your children will one day leave home and when they do,
7:21
Speaker 1: who will be standing across the table from you? The
7:23
Speaker 1: marriage you've invested in or two strangers who only raised
7:26
Speaker 1: kids together. Don't sacrifice the relationship that created the family.
7:30
Speaker 1: Trying to manage the family, protect both. Children deserve more
7:34
Speaker 1: than successful parents. They deserve parents who still love each other,
7:37
Speaker 1: who still pursue each other, who still love and who
7:39
Speaker 1: still fight for connection in the middle of the chaos.
7:41
Speaker 1: Because one day your children will learn what marriage looks
7:43
Speaker 1: like by watching yours. Fight for your marriage while raising
7:46
Speaker 1: your family. Both matter. It's a long post, but I
7:48
Speaker 1: was like, wow, there is so much to take away
7:52
Speaker 1: from that post.
7:53
Speaker 2: That's powerful.
7:54
Speaker 1: So damn powerful. And I just could not have articulated
7:57
Speaker 1: that any better. That post just like really hit hard
7:59
Speaker 1: for me. And I know all of that. But once again,
8:03
Speaker 1: when you're under pressure, when you're stressed, when you're stretched,
8:05
Speaker 1: when you're getting interrupted three fucking million times a day,
8:08
Speaker 1: when you can't even do a wee by yourself and
8:10
Speaker 1: you're overstimulated, it's a lot. It really is a lot.
8:14
Speaker 1: And I just wanted to talk about it because your
8:17
Speaker 1: kids aren't going anywhere, but it's for me, what's really
8:19
Speaker 1: helped me is finding micro moments with Steve. We haven't
8:23
Speaker 1: gone on date night in a very long time. We
8:24
Speaker 1: had the Sydney little steak, which was beautiful, but week
8:27
Speaker 1: to week, we haven't been doing date nights for a
8:29
Speaker 1: very long time. Not the season for it right now,
8:31
Speaker 1: but micro moments for me, it's like, At the end
8:34
Speaker 1: of the day, when both kids are in bed, it's
8:36
Speaker 1: like last night we just rolled and faced each other
8:38
Speaker 1: and just spoke, just chatted. No phones, no TV, just us.
8:42
Speaker 1: Or in the kitchen, it's just like stopping and sitting
8:44
Speaker 1: up on the bench and just wrapping my arms around
8:46
Speaker 1: him and just reminding him that I'm proud of him.
8:48
Speaker 1: It's like little moments to just fill each other up,
8:50
Speaker 1: just to plug in that little bit more because otherwise
8:53
Speaker 1: it can go three months gone by and you haven't
8:56
Speaker 1: complimented each other. You haven't fully checked in. You haven't
8:58
Speaker 1: been intimate. And you can imagine if that was to
9:00
Speaker 1: carry on for a year or two, how damn disconnected
9:02
Speaker 1: you're going to be.
9:03
Speaker 2: Yeah.
9:03
Speaker 1: And you were literally just co-parenting under the same roof,
9:07
Speaker 1: passing ships. Absolutely not. I do not want that for
9:11
Speaker 1: my marriage, for my husband. It doesn't feel good for me.
9:13
Speaker 1: Why do I want that for him? And I don't
9:14
Speaker 1: want my kids to look at that and think that
9:15
Speaker 1: that's normal. It's really tough. And every single parent that
9:19
Speaker 1: I speak to is battling the same things, the mental load,
9:23
Speaker 1: the unmet expectations, feeling not appreciated for the effort they're
9:27
Speaker 1: putting in, feeling like they're always doing so much, even
9:29
Speaker 1: though you're both probably doing equal amounts. Resentment gets built
9:32
Speaker 1: if you don't talk about it as well. There's like
9:35
Speaker 1: lots of little micro moments where you think they haven't
9:37
Speaker 1: done something or you would like them to do something.
9:39
Speaker 1: And if you don't voice it, that resentment just builds
9:42
Speaker 1: and you explode and start being passive aggressive or pulling
9:45
Speaker 1: love away. And it's like, if you don't talk about
9:47
Speaker 1: those micro moments, you can see the negative impact that's
9:50
Speaker 1: going to have short term and long term.
9:52
Speaker 2: They get bigger.
9:53
Speaker 1: I think one of the most powerful things we can
9:55
Speaker 1: do as parents and in relationships is be very, very
9:57
Speaker 1: conscious to every single day and knowing that those little
10:00
Speaker 1: moments are not little moments. They're actually big moments because
10:04
Speaker 1: when they're stacked, it's not about them leaving their towel
10:07
Speaker 1: on the floor anymore. You know, it's about all the
10:10
Speaker 1: other things that have happened that you haven't spoken about. Yeah.
10:12
Speaker 2: Obviously I'm not a parent. I do live with children.
10:15
Speaker 2: I live with my sister and her three kids. And
10:17
Speaker 2: even I get insight to what it's like to be
10:20
Speaker 2: a parent. Obviously I never know the full extent until
10:22
Speaker 2: I have my own. But I get that little bit
10:24
Speaker 2: of insight as to what it's like to even just
10:26
Speaker 2: having children around in seasons when you feel challenged. Like
10:29
Speaker 2: when I'm having a conversation with my sister, it's the
10:32
Speaker 2: constant interruptions. It's like never one full flow of conversation
10:35
Speaker 2: even for five minutes.
10:36
Speaker 1: It's so frustrating, isn't it?
10:37
Speaker 2: So it's like I can understand how that would be
10:39
Speaker 2: hard and when you're in a challenging season for it
10:42
Speaker 2: to feel even more challenging to stay plugged into each
10:44
Speaker 2: other when already your bandwidth is at your tether. You
10:47
Speaker 2: cannot hold anymore. Your capacity is being so stretched and
10:51
Speaker 2: then feeling like, how do we give to each other
10:53
Speaker 2: when I've got nothing left even to give to myself? Yeah.
10:55
Speaker 1: It's so easy, I think, in relationships to blame the
10:57
Speaker 1: other person because you can get so stuck in your
11:00
Speaker 1: own head as to what you've got going on. And
11:02
Speaker 1: I found myself doing that that week after we had
11:04
Speaker 1: that argument. And then I think it was my mom
11:07
Speaker 1: who kind of just offered a different perspective from Steve's
11:09
Speaker 1: point of view. And it was really great for her
11:11
Speaker 1: to do that because obviously she's my mom. She's loyal
11:13
Speaker 1: to me. She's like, my daughter can do no wrong. Yeah.
11:16
Speaker 1: But she was like, I'd just like to offer you
11:17
Speaker 1: to have a little bit more compassion for Steve in
11:19
Speaker 1: this season he's at because of X, Y, Z and
11:21
Speaker 1: things that he's been navigating. And I was like, wow,
11:24
Speaker 1: it's so easy to just get stuck in the blame game.
11:27
Speaker 1: And inside these moments, sometimes I can feel this little
11:30
Speaker 1: wounded girl inside me that just wants to be validated
11:33
Speaker 1: or wants attention or wants what she wants. And when
11:35
Speaker 1: I don't get it in that moment, abandonment wounds come
11:38
Speaker 1: up or rejection wounds come up. And I'm like, wow,
11:40
Speaker 1: there's still so much work for me to do here.
11:43
Speaker 1: And most of the time I feel pretty good. But
11:44
Speaker 1: when I'm stretched, like that's when I feel like the
11:46
Speaker 1: wounds start bleeding again. It's like, wow, I need to
11:50
Speaker 1: really sit with myself and see what's coming up and
11:53
Speaker 1: the meaning that I'm putting on each situation, which might
11:55
Speaker 1: be so far from the truth. Because I can say
11:57
Speaker 1: something like, oh, I felt like this in a situation.
11:59
Speaker 1: And Steve's like, well, not once did I say any
12:01
Speaker 1: of that. I'm like, yeah, I fucking made that up
12:03
Speaker 1: in my own head. I literally made that up in
12:04
Speaker 1: my own head. And then if I don't voice it,
12:07
Speaker 1: I make it bigger, you know? In relationships too, you're
12:10
Speaker 1: two humans combining one world. And each and every given day,
12:15
Speaker 1: you might be on completely different vibrations. You have completely
12:17
Speaker 1: different habits, wants, needs, desires. So to expect them to
12:21
Speaker 1: always be connected and flow perfectly is so unrealistic. And
12:27
Speaker 1: when you marry someone, you don't just marry all their
12:31
Speaker 1: good parts. You marry their childhood. You marry their patterns,
12:34
Speaker 1: their habits, their belief systems, the way they react, the
12:38
Speaker 1: way they deal with challenges, and vice versa. They're not
12:41
Speaker 1: just marrying your pretty face. They're marrying all of that.
12:44
Speaker 1: It becomes a whole package. It's really challenging even after
12:48
Speaker 1: 18 years. You're always getting to know this new version
12:50
Speaker 1: and also carrying along all of that stuff that they've
12:53
Speaker 1: carried themselves their whole life.
12:54
Speaker 2: We've spoken about this before around how Along the way,
12:57
Speaker 2: especially in your relationship because you guys have been together
12:59
Speaker 2: for almost 18 years now, you've had to meet each
13:01
Speaker 2: other at new levels and reintroduce yourselves to each other
13:04
Speaker 2: and then reintroduce this level of wounds, this level of reactions.
13:09
Speaker 1: Yeah.
13:10
Speaker 2: As you guys change and evolve, so will all of
13:12
Speaker 2: those aspects too. Yeah. So I imagine that that's been
13:14
Speaker 2: like a really interesting journey along the way.
13:16
Speaker 1: Interesting, fun and hard all in one. We spoke about
13:19
Speaker 1: it on an episode recently about our desire for freedoms.
13:23
Speaker 1: being Sagittarian and Gemini, our biggest value is freedom. It's
13:26
Speaker 1: not just freedom to do whatever the fuck I want.
13:28
Speaker 1: It's freedom in all aspects of being able to fully
13:30
Speaker 1: express how I'm feeling, do what I'd like to do.
13:33
Speaker 1: It's hard in a relationship, you were saying even being
13:35
Speaker 1: in a new relationship, to have to consider someone else.
13:39
Speaker 1: In those hard moments I have with Steve, there's the
13:42
Speaker 1: part of me that just wants to run, that just
13:45
Speaker 1: feels too hard. It's a lot to manage your own
13:48
Speaker 1: emotions and your children's and then your partner's as well.
13:50
Speaker 1: And I've been speaking to other friends about this. And
13:53
Speaker 1: I've got a couple of girlfriends that do fly in,
13:54
Speaker 1: fly out, even one of the moms at footy. And
13:57
Speaker 1: I was saying to her like, oh, is it good
13:59
Speaker 1: to have your partner back home? And she's like, oh, yeah,
14:02
Speaker 1: like love him and miss him. But while he was away,
14:04
Speaker 1: I just got in my own routine. I didn't have
14:06
Speaker 1: anyone else to clean up with. And like the annoying
14:07
Speaker 1: little habits and stuff that I was once used to,
14:09
Speaker 1: I got used to not having. So now it's an
14:11
Speaker 1: adjustment period coming back. It sometimes feels easier to To
14:16
Speaker 1: not have them around, which sounds so weird and horrible.
14:19
Speaker 2: No, I understand what you're saying. And I think this is,
14:21
Speaker 2: even just having this conversation also normalizes it for a
14:23
Speaker 2: lot of women who secretly think this and then feel
14:26
Speaker 2: shame about it. I mentioned this to you the other day.
14:28
Speaker 2: I actually had this conversation with Grant the other week,
14:31
Speaker 2: how going away reminds me of the freedom that I
14:34
Speaker 2: once had.
14:35
Speaker 1: Yeah, when you were single.
14:36
Speaker 2: When I was single.
14:37
Speaker 1: Yeah.
14:37
Speaker 2: It's not because I want to go and be with
14:39
Speaker 2: whoever I want to be. Like I couldn't give a
14:41
Speaker 2: shit about that. It's about being unbelievably selfish.
14:44
Speaker 3: Yeah.
14:44
Speaker 2: Caring about myself, wanting what I want, being free and
14:47
Speaker 2: being able to express that, being able to do what
14:49
Speaker 2: I want when I want without having to always consider
14:51
Speaker 2: somebody else. And I'd be lying if I didn't say
14:54
Speaker 2: that there was a little part of me that doesn't
14:55
Speaker 2: wish that I didn't still have that. But the moment
14:57
Speaker 2: that you step into your relationship, and I explained this
14:59
Speaker 2: to Grant too, I said, you almost lose a level
15:02
Speaker 2: of your individuality that you no longer get to have
15:06
Speaker 2: in a relationship because you have to compromise.
15:08
Speaker 1: Yeah. It's part of a relationship.
15:09
Speaker 2: Yeah. And it is a sacrifice that you make when
15:11
Speaker 2: you choose to be with somebody.
15:12
Speaker 1: Yeah. So this has obviously been talking about relationships, but
15:16
Speaker 1: let's get back to like mom life. And I've been
15:18
Speaker 1: having a lot of conversations with my other mom friends
15:20
Speaker 1: and just online, I even did a video on TikTok,
15:21
Speaker 1: just been like, what's the hardest thing about motherhood? And
15:24
Speaker 1: most people say it's the mental load. It really is.
15:28
Speaker 1: And I saw a reel the other day and a
15:29
Speaker 1: mom's driving. It's like when mom drives to work compared
15:31
Speaker 1: to when dad drives to work, mom drives to work.
15:33
Speaker 1: It's like, did I get dinner out? Did I book
15:34
Speaker 1: the dental appointment? Did I pay the school fee? It's
15:36
Speaker 1: like constantly thinking about all the to-do lists. And this
15:41
Speaker 1: isn't necessarily true, but dad's like, ah, it's nice and
15:44
Speaker 1: sunny today. Like the mental load of a mom is constant, constant.
15:49
Speaker 1: Even when we lay down at night, we're still thinking
15:51
Speaker 1: of all the things that we have to do. Even
15:53
Speaker 1: when we were working yesterday, like video popped up of
15:56
Speaker 1: Taj at school and then I forgot I hadn't registered
15:58
Speaker 1: him for something at school and then I've had to
15:59
Speaker 1: register him and pay for Oz tag for the next season.
16:02
Speaker 1: If I didn't do it by this time, he wouldn't
16:03
Speaker 1: be in the team. There's just so much to do
16:06
Speaker 1: all the damn time and it can be really, really overwhelming.
16:09
Speaker 1: Another thing that I've been really focusing on is choosing
16:11
Speaker 1: my battles. So when I feel quite stretched, I'm more
16:15
Speaker 1: easily triggered at the things that the kids do. When
16:17
Speaker 1: I'm in a really good season, I feel good and
16:19
Speaker 1: I've got capacity. Some things I do, I'm just not
16:21
Speaker 1: bothered by. but I'm finding myself more easily triggered by noise,
16:26
Speaker 1: by their fights, by them pushing back, by them asking
16:29
Speaker 1: a hundred times more questions. So now I kind of
16:32
Speaker 1: ask myself like, is this worth the battle? Is this really,
16:36
Speaker 1: really important right now? If I argue against this and
16:39
Speaker 1: I get dysregulated, am I more likely to snap and
16:42
Speaker 1: create disconnect over something so small? I can't think of
16:46
Speaker 1: an example, like them wanting a snack or whatever. Some
16:48
Speaker 1: days I'm like, have the damn snack. It is not
16:50
Speaker 1: worth me going to battle with you over the snack.
16:53
Speaker 1: And I think that's something that we can all take
16:54
Speaker 1: away from this is like when you're constantly trying to
16:56
Speaker 1: be the perfect parent and raise perfect children because we
16:59
Speaker 1: all have that unrealistic expectation. There's a lot of pressure
17:02
Speaker 1: that we put on ourselves. It's like just ask yourself, like,
17:04
Speaker 1: does this really matter right now? And Steve's really good
17:07
Speaker 1: at this. Sometimes he'll say to me, he's like, babe,
17:09
Speaker 1: it's just not worth it tonight. We're absolutely exhausted. Make
17:12
Speaker 1: an extra 20 minutes screen time. Like, so be it.
17:15
Speaker 1: So be it. Go have your long shower. Have your sauna.
17:18
Speaker 1: then we'll put them to bed and like, it's not
17:20
Speaker 1: worth it tonight. Yeah. Like you're so right. What is
17:22
Speaker 1: them having extra 20 minutes of screen or having the
17:23
Speaker 1: extra snack or whatever. But normally if I'm in a
17:25
Speaker 1: good state, it'd be worth, I'm like, no, dah, dah, dah.
17:28
Speaker 1: Got my reasoning for why I've decided to do that
17:30
Speaker 1: and put that boundary in place. So just, if you
17:32
Speaker 1: find yourself getting really triggered by everything, it's just choose
17:34
Speaker 1: your battles.
17:35
Speaker 2: What do you think is different for you in say
17:38
Speaker 2: a good season versus a harder season? Like right now
17:41
Speaker 2: as to how you are calming yourself, regulating yourself, keeping
17:44
Speaker 2: yourself in a good state when you're juggling everything.
17:47
Speaker 1: Getting outside I think really is helpful for me. Inside
17:52
Speaker 1: I feel more overstimulated, more triggered. Once I'm outside in
17:57
Speaker 1: nature and they're playing on their bikes and they're doing
17:59
Speaker 1: their thing and they're not in each other's space and
18:01
Speaker 1: fighting over everything, that's how I kind of regulate at
18:04
Speaker 1: the moment. So getting outside I think has been really
18:07
Speaker 1: helpful for me. I, through this thicker season, which once
18:10
Speaker 1: again if you listen to our Life Update episode, if
18:12
Speaker 1: you haven't listened to that, go listen to that. It's
18:13
Speaker 1: been a heavier season for me and even getting up
18:15
Speaker 1: to go to the gym has felt hard. because I
18:17
Speaker 1: just want to stay in bed. I don't feel quote
18:19
Speaker 1: unquote motivated. And thank goodness I've really created discipline over
18:22
Speaker 1: my life to know that it's really beneficial for me
18:25
Speaker 1: to move. Still doing the things that I always do
18:28
Speaker 1: that continues to maintain me at this level of baseline
18:31
Speaker 1: of mental health. Because it's like once you let one
18:33
Speaker 1: or two things slip, you can really feel that. So
18:36
Speaker 1: still getting up and going to the gym, even though
18:37
Speaker 1: I don't feel like it. And even though I'm not
18:40
Speaker 1: lifting super heavy or performing at my best, I'm still
18:42
Speaker 1: showing up for myself and following through on the things
18:44
Speaker 1: that I said I would do. regardless. I don't let
18:46
Speaker 1: my moods dictate the things that are still important to me.
18:50
Speaker 1: A lot of compassion for myself and for Steve and
18:54
Speaker 1: just knowing that we're doing the best we can with
18:55
Speaker 1: what we have right now. I think that's been a
18:57
Speaker 1: really big thing to lean on.
18:59
Speaker 2: Can I talk about the other morning, like when you
19:01
Speaker 2: cried to me in the car?
19:02
Speaker 1: Oh, yes. Yes. Not a good morning.
19:04
Speaker 2: So you want to share with everybody what kind of
19:05
Speaker 2: happened the last couple of mornings that we've gone to
19:07
Speaker 2: the gym?
19:07
Speaker 1: Yes. So when I get up to go to the gym,
19:10
Speaker 1: I obviously have to be super, super quiet, but our
19:12
Speaker 1: bedroom is right next to Tala's. And she doesn't like
19:15
Speaker 1: sleeping with the door closed anymore. And when I go
19:17
Speaker 1: to sneak out to the gym, she's wide awake, ready
19:19
Speaker 1: to go at 4.30. It's been happening for a little
19:22
Speaker 1: while now. She could play with her dolls or I'd
19:24
Speaker 1: set up with drawing and like a breakfast and she'd
19:26
Speaker 1: be good. Or every now and again, I'd put a
19:27
Speaker 1: movie on for her, which I don't, there's no screen
19:29
Speaker 1: in the morning in my house. It's just a blanket rule.
19:32
Speaker 1: But now it's like more frequently. The mornings for me,
19:35
Speaker 1: it's something I've always prioritized since being a mom is like,
19:38
Speaker 1: I'm getting up before my family wakes up and this
19:39
Speaker 1: is my time to fill my cup up. So I
19:41
Speaker 1: can come back and be the best mom I can be.
19:43
Speaker 1: I come back and help with the school run, get
19:45
Speaker 1: everything ready, be there for my kids before I start
19:47
Speaker 1: my work day. And that morning, I think because I'm
19:50
Speaker 1: so stretched, she woke up and Tiana's out the front
19:53
Speaker 1: waiting for me and she's crying. and crying and crying,
19:56
Speaker 1: just did not want me to go to the gym.
19:58
Speaker 1: And I've had conversations with her about how it makes
20:00
Speaker 1: me happy and strong. And this is really good for mommy.
20:03
Speaker 1: And like I said, she has been really understanding, but
20:05
Speaker 1: now she's just not. So every morning when I go
20:07
Speaker 1: to go to the gym, it's this big battle. And
20:09
Speaker 1: then she wakes the whole house up and everyone's starting
20:11
Speaker 1: the day a lot earlier and grumpier. And I just
20:14
Speaker 1: got in the car to Tiana and I was like,
20:16
Speaker 1: this morning feels like my moment of freedom where I
20:19
Speaker 1: just get to go to the gym and just do
20:20
Speaker 1: something for me. I'm not a mom. I'm not showing
20:23
Speaker 1: up on social media. I'm not in SheRise. And I
20:25
Speaker 1: love all of that. But sometimes I just want to
20:27
Speaker 1: be ashy. I just don't have to be on for
20:29
Speaker 1: anyone else or everything else. And the time in the morning,
20:32
Speaker 1: we just get to be together and be out in
20:34
Speaker 1: the fresh air, go for our walk and train. I
20:35
Speaker 1: just love it. I really, really value it. And I
20:38
Speaker 1: kind of felt like that was getting taken away because
20:40
Speaker 1: my day starts with her screaming and crying. And I
20:43
Speaker 1: feel awful leaving.
20:44
Speaker 2: Yeah.
20:45
Speaker 1: And then Steve's been staying up later to work, so
20:47
Speaker 1: he's not getting enough sleep. And he's trying to calm her.
20:49
Speaker 1: And it just starts my morning off on a really
20:51
Speaker 1: bad note, that sense of freedom being taken away from me.
20:54
Speaker 1: Because now there's moments where I'm like, oh, maybe I
20:56
Speaker 1: shouldn't go to the gym because my daughter needs me. Yeah.
20:59
Speaker 1: And I don't want to leave her here crying with
21:01
Speaker 1: Steve or just being upset. Even this morning coming out
21:04
Speaker 1: to Brisbane, same thing happened. Yeah. She was wide awake
21:07
Speaker 1: at 4.30. I went to leave, and she's there at
21:09
Speaker 1: the door.
21:09
Speaker 2: Standing at the door waiting.
21:10
Speaker 1: Standing at the door. I'm like, oh, my. And I
21:12
Speaker 1: packed everything up the night before, so I'm going to
21:14
Speaker 1: be super, super quiet. Didn't brush my teeth. Didn't go
21:16
Speaker 1: to the toilet. I literally got dressed, and I thought,
21:18
Speaker 1: I'll just sneak straight out the front door and pray
21:20
Speaker 1: to God she doesn't wake up. And she was there,
21:22
Speaker 1: ready to go. Opened the door, and there she is.
21:24
Speaker 1: And I'm like, oh, my gosh. So once again, she
21:26
Speaker 1: cried and cried and cried, woke Taja up, woke Steve up.
21:29
Speaker 1: And I'm like, oh, this is just not. A nice
21:31
Speaker 1: way to start the day.
21:32
Speaker 2: Yeah. And especially when you're already feeling stretched and you're
21:35
Speaker 2: already feeling like it's already difficult for me to do
21:37
Speaker 2: the things that actually keep me above my baseline.
21:40
Speaker 1: Keep me regulated. And now I feel like it's making
21:42
Speaker 1: it hard to go to the gym and I feel
21:44
Speaker 1: more dysregulated because I'm obviously needing to co-regulate with her.
21:48
Speaker 2: Of course.
21:48
Speaker 1: It's really tough.
21:49
Speaker 2: Yeah, because you're just normally like up and out and
21:51
Speaker 2: straight out the door and it's straight into like just
21:53
Speaker 2: us chatting and being present, phones down, like we're walking,
21:55
Speaker 2: we're talking, we're chatting, we're catching up. And it's like
21:58
Speaker 2: it is, it's that time that you get to fill
21:59
Speaker 2: up your cup before you get to give into everyone else,
22:02
Speaker 2: which you're always doing all the time.
22:03
Speaker 1: Yeah, all the time. Because even if you're not working
22:06
Speaker 1: just with your kids all day, that would be really hard.
22:08
Speaker 1: And also working parents, it's really hard because you get
22:10
Speaker 1: up when you're with your kids, you work all day.
22:12
Speaker 1: From the moment you step back in that door, it
22:14
Speaker 1: is on. You messaged me at 8 o'clock last night.
22:16
Speaker 1: I'm like, Tala did not want to go to sleep.
22:18
Speaker 1: We were just back and forth trying to get her down.
22:19
Speaker 1: It's 8 o'clock. I had work to do. I had
22:22
Speaker 1: things I needed to tick off. I wanted to spend
22:23
Speaker 1: time with my husband. I wanted to spend time with Taj.
22:25
Speaker 1: I've got none of it. It's just so hard to
22:27
Speaker 1: fit it all in. And I don't want this to
22:30
Speaker 1: be a doom and gloom, like don't have children. But
22:32
Speaker 1: it's just a reality of like it is just really,
22:34
Speaker 1: really challenging. And what can you do to support yourself?
22:38
Speaker 1: So for me, my relationship, it's micro moments and now
22:40
Speaker 1: having something booked in to look forward to. We haven't
22:43
Speaker 1: done a staycation in so long and that was just
22:44
Speaker 1: like so nice to just remember that we still really
22:47
Speaker 1: fucking love each other.
22:48
Speaker 2: I know you came home and you were like, fuck,
22:50
Speaker 2: I love that man so much. I do.
22:51
Speaker 1: And I thought it was so beautiful.
22:52
Speaker 2: But again, it was a reminder for you of like
22:55
Speaker 2: how beautiful our connection is when we're not being interrupted
22:57
Speaker 2: every five seconds.
22:58
Speaker 1: Yes. And the umbrella of level of stress that we've
23:02
Speaker 1: been under isn't our normal stress. Yeah. And then micro
23:05
Speaker 1: moments throughout the day and be really conscious of how
23:08
Speaker 1: we can inject love to each other and appreciation and
23:11
Speaker 1: compliments and touch. little micro moments really help. Like even
23:15
Speaker 1: the other night, Steve was sitting around the table and
23:18
Speaker 1: I could tell Steve was just really in his head
23:19
Speaker 1: thinking about work. And he had a work meeting like 6.30,
23:22
Speaker 1: like a work dinner. And it was like 4.30. And
23:25
Speaker 1: I was like, go early, babe. Like go to the beach.
23:27
Speaker 1: Just have some time by yourself.
23:28
Speaker 2: He's like, really?
23:29
Speaker 1: You don't mind? I was like, absolutely not. Like go
23:31
Speaker 1: have some time. Just being in tune with them and
23:33
Speaker 1: what they're going through and picking up the pieces. It's
23:35
Speaker 1: like that, you know, when someone walks in the door
23:37
Speaker 1: and it's like, where are you at from 1 to 10?
23:38
Speaker 1: And And he was at a one that day and
23:40
Speaker 1: I was like, go, you need to like just have
23:41
Speaker 1: some time by yourself. And I felt really good that day.
23:43
Speaker 1: I was like, I've got this. And just like having compassion,
23:46
Speaker 1: but checking in and being really conscious to where they're
23:48
Speaker 1: at and also over communicating where you're at so they
23:51
Speaker 1: can also support you. And if you're a single parent,
23:53
Speaker 1: fucking hats off to you because you don't have that
23:56
Speaker 1: luxury of having someone to tag team in and out.
23:58
Speaker 1: That must be, I can't even imagine how hard that
24:01
Speaker 1: would be day in, day out. So my hat goes
24:03
Speaker 1: off to you. And really leaning on support, really leaning
24:07
Speaker 1: on support. I think it's really important to have safe
24:10
Speaker 1: friends where you can fully vent so openly and honestly
24:14
Speaker 1: exactly how you feel without feeling like you're going to
24:16
Speaker 1: get cancelled. Because I know, I even know this episode. Trolls,
24:19
Speaker 1: I know you're listening. And I know you're going to
24:21
Speaker 1: twist everything I say and call me a bad mum
24:24
Speaker 1: and tell me that my poor kids and that I'm
24:26
Speaker 1: ungrateful and I get more time away from whoever they're
24:29
Speaker 1: comparing me. Like, I know this episode is going to
24:31
Speaker 1: ruffle feathers. But I think every mom and dad and
24:35
Speaker 1: caregiver and aunties have moments where it feels like a lot.
24:39
Speaker 1: And I think having safe people that you can fully
24:41
Speaker 1: just vent how you're actually feeling in that moment because
24:44
Speaker 1: you can feel something and it doesn't have to mean anything.
24:46
Speaker 1: It doesn't mean you want to change it. It doesn't
24:48
Speaker 1: mean you even want time away from your kids. Even
24:50
Speaker 1: on the weekends, sometimes Steve's like, babe, let's tag team.
24:53
Speaker 1: You go have time in the morning. I'm like, I
24:54
Speaker 1: don't want to. I want to be with my children.
24:55
Speaker 1: I just feel overwhelmed. It doesn't mean I want to
24:58
Speaker 1: be away from them. I just feel overwhelmed. And then
25:01
Speaker 1: there is times where I'm like, yeah, I'm going to
25:02
Speaker 1: take an hour or two to fill my cup up
25:04
Speaker 1: so I can come back and be a better mom.
25:05
Speaker 2: Even just being able to get it off your chest
25:07
Speaker 2: without being made to feel wrong or guilty or bad
25:10
Speaker 2: or doing something wrong because you feel that certain way,
25:12
Speaker 2: I imagine is so amazing. And it is. It's like
25:15
Speaker 2: knowing that somebody can hold you in everything that you
25:17
Speaker 2: feel and know that they're not going to be like, oh,
25:19
Speaker 2: I'm going to make that mean that you're a bad
25:20
Speaker 2: mom or whatever judgment or whatever you think that someone
25:24
Speaker 2: may think about you. You can just let it off
25:25
Speaker 2: your chest and let it roll off. It's like, cool,
25:28
Speaker 2: we can hold this in this space and then that
25:29
Speaker 2: gets to be it. You get to let it– you
25:31
Speaker 2: get to like set it down almost from swelling in
25:33
Speaker 2: your head and your body and your heart, all of
25:35
Speaker 2: the things.
25:36
Speaker 1: Exactly. I've got another friend who's a single mom. She's
25:38
Speaker 1: got two little ones and she's been saying to me lately, like,
25:40
Speaker 1: I feel so guilty but I'm not enjoying parenting. Like
25:43
Speaker 1: the weekends I'm almost dreading because I'm like, oh, my gosh,
25:45
Speaker 1: what am I going to do with these two humans
25:48
Speaker 1: who never stop asking questions and never stop fighting, who
25:50
Speaker 1: are full on the whole time. I'm so exhausted by
25:53
Speaker 1: the end of the week and now I've got a
25:53
Speaker 1: whole weekend and I was like, I don't judge you
25:55
Speaker 1: for that. It is really, really hard to do that
25:58
Speaker 1: by yourself, of course. And there's going to be seasons
26:00
Speaker 1: where you don't enjoy every single moment of parenting. Like,
26:03
Speaker 1: let's normalize that. And there's seasons where you fucking love
26:06
Speaker 1: it so much. There's days where you love it so
26:09
Speaker 1: much and there's days where it's not so fun. That's normal.
26:11
Speaker 1: It's even without parents, right? You have really good days
26:14
Speaker 1: and you have really hard days in your relationship. You
26:16
Speaker 1: have really good seasons and really hard seasons.
26:17
Speaker 2: I was just about to say that. It is every
26:20
Speaker 2: area of life. We're here to experience the highs, lows,
26:22
Speaker 2: ups and downs, and also- We're very emotionally driven.
26:25
Speaker 1: Yes.
26:26
Speaker 2: However we're feeling that day is how we're going to
26:27
Speaker 2: interpret what we're experiencing.
26:29
Speaker 1: It's so true.
26:30
Speaker 2: Which is why when you're triggered or when we're triggered
26:32
Speaker 2: is that in that moment, I'm experiencing the emotional trigger
26:35
Speaker 2: based on the headspace that I'm in.
26:36
Speaker 1: Literally.
26:37
Speaker 2: Not what's happening in front of me. It's what's happening
26:39
Speaker 2: inside of my head.
26:40
Speaker 1: It's a good way to put it.
26:41
Speaker 2: And on a good day, I'm like, I got this.
26:43
Speaker 1: I'm patient. Oh, you're having a tough day. Come on,
26:44
Speaker 1: bring it in.
26:45
Speaker 2: When I'm triggered and like my nieces and nephews at
26:47
Speaker 2: home are like all three of them collectively are fighting
26:50
Speaker 2: and doing this. And I'm like, oh my God, like
26:51
Speaker 2: I need to.
26:51
Speaker 1: Get out of the house. Yeah.
26:53
Speaker 2: That's a real thing based on where I'm at capacity-wise.
26:56
Speaker 2: I love the conversation that you brought in around what
26:59
Speaker 2: you do to make sure that you can stay above baseline.
27:03
Speaker 1: Yeah, above baseline for sure.
27:04
Speaker 2: When you're struggling.
27:04
Speaker 1: Yeah.
27:04
Speaker 2: Because it is the most important thing. Because if you
27:06
Speaker 2: don't and you don't uphold those familiar things that actually
27:10
Speaker 2: pour in and give you energy as opposed to take
27:12
Speaker 2: energy from you, you can spiral really quickly. And I
27:15
Speaker 2: know I've done that even in the past. Absolutely. And
27:16
Speaker 2: I'm not a parent. I don't even have the weight
27:18
Speaker 2: of what you and every other parent has.
27:20
Speaker 1: Mm-hmm.
27:21
Speaker 2: I see only glimpses of it and experience this much
27:23
Speaker 2: of it just living with children.
27:25
Speaker 1: Once again, I know I get shit on for parenting
27:27
Speaker 1: stuff all the time, but why is it okay for
27:30
Speaker 1: someone who doesn't have kids to have a rough time,
27:32
Speaker 1: a rough day, but the moment a mum is saying,
27:35
Speaker 1: I'm having a tough time, my kids are tough, we
27:37
Speaker 1: box them into being a bad mum or not grateful
27:40
Speaker 1: to have our kids. And it's like, where along the
27:43
Speaker 1: way society made that a thing that mums can't complain
27:46
Speaker 1: about their kids or complain about it being hard or
27:48
Speaker 1: complain about being tired or Needing a break. It doesn't
27:51
Speaker 1: make sense to me because if any of my mom
27:53
Speaker 1: friends come to me exhausted, needing a break, tapped out, overstimulated,
27:57
Speaker 1: I'm like, fucking absolutely. I get it. I wonder why
28:01
Speaker 1: some people are just really not understanding of that.
28:03
Speaker 2: I'm not sure. It's really interesting. Even as somebody who's
28:06
Speaker 2: not a parent, but I have probably everyone around me
28:09
Speaker 2: has children.
28:09
Speaker 1: Yeah.
28:10
Speaker 2: So is a parent. And it wasn't until I started
28:13
Speaker 2: surrounding myself with having more girlfriends who have children. did
28:16
Speaker 2: I realize that there are a lot of conversations that
28:18
Speaker 2: happen only between mums? Because obviously when they have their
28:21
Speaker 2: safe person in their community of women they can lean
28:23
Speaker 2: on because they equally know how challenging it is. But
28:26
Speaker 2: on the outside, to the community, to family, to men,
28:29
Speaker 2: to whoever, like it's not really spoken about the challenges
28:33
Speaker 2: that you actually do go through and that you hold
28:34
Speaker 2: every single day. It's kind of like this unspoken expectation
28:38
Speaker 2: for parents to just hold it all and not struggle.
28:41
Speaker 1: Another thing that really helps me at the moment too
28:43
Speaker 1: is the repair process. So Taj is very emotionally intelligent.
28:48
Speaker 1: Even when we had our parent-teacher interview, his teacher said
28:53
Speaker 1: there was 16 points to test a child's emotional intelligence.
28:56
Speaker 1: He hit 15 out of 16. She was like, he
28:58
Speaker 1: is one of the most emotionally intelligent children that I've taught,
29:02
Speaker 1: which is really, really cool. That's fucking awesome. So he's
29:04
Speaker 1: at an age where I can explain to him and
29:07
Speaker 1: talk to him about how I'm feeling and what's going
29:09
Speaker 1: on and when we're busy at work seasons or whatever,
29:12
Speaker 1: and I can have those conversations with him, which is really,
29:14
Speaker 1: really great. So with Tyler, it's a little bit harder.
29:16
Speaker 1: It's great in the sense that she's fucking happy 24-7,
29:19
Speaker 1: unless I'm leaving to go to the gym. That girl,
29:23
Speaker 1: I'm like, are your cheeks sore at the end of
29:25
Speaker 1: the day? Because she's just so happy, smiling, laughing, cracks
29:27
Speaker 1: herself up. She loves her life, loves everything in it.
29:31
Speaker 1: But even the other day when I came back from
29:33
Speaker 1: the gym, because I got quite frustrated that morning when
29:34
Speaker 1: I jumped in the car with you and just cried
29:36
Speaker 1: to you, but I had gotten frustrated with her. And
29:38
Speaker 1: I can't count on my hands the amount of times
29:40
Speaker 1: I've like, quote unquote, lost it at her. I got frustrated.
29:43
Speaker 1: I'm very, very patient with her. But that morning I
29:45
Speaker 1: got really frustrated and I got in the car and
29:48
Speaker 1: then on the walk, you were venting out something and
29:50
Speaker 1: then you're like, oh, how are you feeling? I said, oh,
29:51
Speaker 1: I'm just getting this wave of guilt for getting frustrated
29:53
Speaker 1: at Tala this morning because she just wanted me to stay.
29:55
Speaker 1: She just wanted me to stay. So I went straight
29:57
Speaker 1: home to her and she runs to me. She's like, mommy.
30:00
Speaker 1: And I sat down with her and I said, are
30:02
Speaker 1: you okay now? And she's like, I just love you
30:04
Speaker 1: so much. I said, yeah, I know. But this morning
30:06
Speaker 1: you were really sad. She's like, yeah, because I don't
30:08
Speaker 1: want you to leave. I said, I know. And I'm
30:11
Speaker 1: really sorry that I got frustrated. Like, how did that
30:13
Speaker 1: make you feel when I got frustrated?
30:14
Speaker 3: And she goes, sad because I just love you so much.
30:17
Speaker 3: I don't want you to go to the gym because
30:19
Speaker 3: I just want to be with you forever, mummy. I
30:20
Speaker 3: was like, oh, I want to be with you as well.
30:23
Speaker 3: And went over the whole, what does gym do for mummy?
30:26
Speaker 3: Makes you strong and happy and healthy and good.
30:28
Speaker 1: And we do that conversation. And I said, and also
30:31
Speaker 1: I'm sorry that I got frustrated. Mommy doesn't want to
30:33
Speaker 1: get frustrated at you. I think it's really important to
30:36
Speaker 1: role model that and to normalize saying sorry and normalize
30:39
Speaker 1: also human experiences because they're going to get frustrated. I
30:42
Speaker 1: don't want them to feel shame about it. I want
30:43
Speaker 1: them to go, oh, fuck, I'm sorry too. That was
30:45
Speaker 1: a moment for me.
30:47
Speaker 2: And lead the way. Yeah. Being a role model of
30:49
Speaker 2: like teaching her that it's okay to come back and
30:51
Speaker 2: like take accountability for the moment that you had and
30:53
Speaker 2: you can teach her how to do that for herself
30:56
Speaker 2: when she's older.
30:56
Speaker 1: Which I will admit is hard sometimes. I wasn't role
30:59
Speaker 1: modeled that. That doesn't feel natural for me to do that,
31:01
Speaker 1: but I'm super aware of how important it is. And
31:04
Speaker 1: it's been a beautiful practice that I've been able to
31:05
Speaker 1: do with my kids is to show them the way
31:08
Speaker 1: and lead with vulnerability and own my stuff. Not like, oh,
31:11
Speaker 1: I'm really sorry I got frustrated. But next time if
31:13
Speaker 1: you don't do that, then I wouldn't get frustrated because
31:16
Speaker 1: then it's like you're putting the blame on them. It's
31:17
Speaker 1: just owning it. I'm really sorry I got frustrated this morning.
31:20
Speaker 1: Mommy's really sorry. Can I have a kiss and cuddle?
31:22
Speaker 1: And I think that's been really cool for me and
31:24
Speaker 1: for them, for our connection and relationship. So that's been
31:27
Speaker 1: really nice as well. But yeah, any parents that are
31:29
Speaker 1: in the thick of it, it is a lot and
31:31
Speaker 1: you're not alone. And single parents, whatever your situation is,
31:36
Speaker 1: just give yourself a little bit more kindness, compassion, lean
31:39
Speaker 1: on the support. Micro moments matter and do whatever you
31:42
Speaker 1: can to keep that baseline for yourself. There's things that
31:45
Speaker 1: you do for yourself that just keep your head afloat,
31:48
Speaker 1: especially when you're holding more stress than normal.
31:51
Speaker 2: Yeah.
31:52
Speaker 1: Thank you for sharing.
31:53
Speaker 2: Well, come on.
31:54
Speaker 1: Wait for the troll comments of saying what a bad
31:56
Speaker 1: mom I am. Screw the trolls. I'm ready. Come at me.
31:59
Speaker 2: Doing well, mama.
32:00
Speaker 1: Thank you. Thanks, guys.
32:03
Speaker 2: We'll see you soon.
32:03
Speaker 1: Thanks for joining.
32:04
Speaker 2: Bye, guys. Bye.