Latest / She Rises with Ashy & Tijana / 121. 2 Ways Responsibility Turns Into Self-Abandonment

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121. 2 Ways Responsibility Turns Into Self-Abandonment · She Rises with Ashy & Tijana

• 0:05
  Speaker 1: Apodjay Production.
• 0:10
  Speaker 2: Welcome to the she Rises Podcast. I'm Ashy and I'm Tiana.
• 0:14
  Speaker 2: This podcast is.
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: About female empowerment and encouraging you to be your biggest, boldest,
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: and most authentic version of yourself.
• 0:20
  Speaker 2: We help you shed the shame, grow to a new level.
• 0:23
  Speaker 2: We're gonna laugh, cry, and talk about the topics everyone
• 0:26
  Speaker 2: else is too afraid to talk about.
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: Get ready for your next level of self.
• 0:31
  Speaker 2: All right, everybody, and welcome back to the Shee Rises Podcast.
• 0:33
  Speaker 2: Fresh week. It's Monday, Monday morning, lunch, afternoon, on your walk,
• 0:38
  Speaker 2: going to work, whatever you're doing. Welcome back to the
• 0:40
  Speaker 2: podcast with Ashley and Tiana.
• 0:42
  Speaker 1: Welcome back.
• 0:43
  Speaker 2: Let's get started in our share of the week.
• 0:44
  Speaker 1: What have you got for us? Absolutely? Oh my goodness,
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: hyaluronic acid by the ordinary. Oh recommend love skin care Okay,
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: only started using it in this last week in a bit. Okay,
• 0:55
  Speaker 1: but it could be a combination of things to be about.
• 0:57
  Speaker 1: But for some reason, my skin it feels like flawless,
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: almost oh, like I don't have any dead skin. It
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: feels like the texture of my skin is really cool, smooth,
• 1:06
  Speaker 1: and I find that the rest of my skincare goes
• 1:07
  Speaker 1: on really really, really well.
• 1:09
  Speaker 2: I've heard great things about the Ordinary brand. I've only
• 1:12
  Speaker 2: used the Esme one for years, but I've heard really
• 1:14
  Speaker 2: good things about that one.
• 1:15
  Speaker 1: And it's cheap. It cost I think it was like
• 1:17
  Speaker 1: fifteen dollars. Wow, that's really cheap. You can buy it
• 1:20
  Speaker 1: from Priceline. There you go. Oh.
• 1:22
  Speaker 2: I always get scared to like try and you not
• 1:24
  Speaker 2: not scared. But once you know, when you find a
• 1:26
  Speaker 2: product you love to like, switch brands. But it's also
• 1:29
  Speaker 2: fun to try different things that I've used the same
• 1:31
  Speaker 2: skincare brands for so long, but I want to start
• 1:33
  Speaker 2: getting into some more Korean skincare.
• 1:35
  Speaker 1: It looks fun, doesn't it. Oh, it keeps raving.
• 1:37
  Speaker 2: About it deep to say, I've bought a couple what
• 1:40
  Speaker 2: I really like, but I really want to try some more.
• 1:42
  Speaker 2: Did you guys have any Korean skincare recommendations? Let us
• 1:45
  Speaker 2: know love to hear it. So my recommendation is just
• 1:49
  Speaker 2: it's not even recommendation. It's a share of the week.
• 1:51
  Speaker 2: It's a post I saw on Chris Duncan's page on Instagram.
• 1:55
  Speaker 2: I'm going to read it out. I love self aware
• 1:57
  Speaker 2: people like Yes, please tell me about the patterns you've outgrown,
• 2:01
  Speaker 2: and the mistakes you'll never repeat. Tell me about the
• 2:03
  Speaker 2: painful lessons that took you years to learn, about the
• 2:06
  Speaker 2: parts of you that show up when you're afraid, and
• 2:08
  Speaker 2: little quirks that no one else knows about. I don't
• 2:11
  Speaker 2: care how perfect you look on paper. I care how
• 2:13
  Speaker 2: honest you are with yourself. And when no one's watching,
• 2:16
  Speaker 2: that's the kind of soul I'll sit with for hours.
• 2:19
  Speaker 2: That's the kind of heart that I trust. And I
• 2:21
  Speaker 2: was like, this is me and you to a tew.
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: I love that. Isn't it my job? We don't need
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: the rest of the episode.
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  Speaker 2: Honestly, I just feel like this is something that I felt,
• 2:29
  Speaker 2: but I haven't known how to put into words that
• 2:32
  Speaker 2: I feel like this has been the most healing thing
• 2:35
  Speaker 2: about our friendship is things that we've carried shame around.
• 2:39
  Speaker 2: We encourage each other to bring it in and have
• 2:41
  Speaker 2: evidence in that moment moving forward that we still love
• 2:44
  Speaker 2: each other no matter what. Yeah, And it's just helped
• 2:47
  Speaker 2: to dissolve any shame I've had on past mistakes that
• 2:49
  Speaker 2: I've made. Because being online and living your life online,
• 2:52
  Speaker 2: any mistake that I've made has been publicized. Ye and
• 2:54
  Speaker 2: criticized and something I said fifteen years ago still gets
• 2:58
  Speaker 2: brought up to this day and I'm like, oh my gosh,
• 3:00
  Speaker 2: let me live, let me grow, let me change my mind,
• 3:03
  Speaker 2: let me have a different opinion, let me say sorry,
• 3:05
  Speaker 2: let me, you know, learn different ways to do things.
• 3:08
  Speaker 2: When I read that, I was like, Oh, that is
• 3:10
  Speaker 2: just so nice to talk about that and to bring
• 3:12
  Speaker 2: it forward in a safe container where someone can still
• 3:15
  Speaker 2: love you on that. That is the people that you
• 3:16
  Speaker 2: trust that can be fully vulnerable and own their stuff.
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's so nice. And the more uncomfortable the more
• 3:22
  Speaker 1: you bring it in.
• 3:22
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and it just helps to dissolve that shame and
• 3:25
  Speaker 2: move through it and then not feel shameful about it.
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: You're almost proud of it.
• 3:28
  Speaker 2: You're like, I used to feel like this, or I
• 3:30
  Speaker 2: used to hate this about myself, or I used to
• 3:31
  Speaker 2: show up like this and I don't anymore. And I
• 3:33
  Speaker 2: can talk about that and grow from that and take
• 3:36
  Speaker 2: responsibility for that and do better. And when you can
• 3:38
  Speaker 2: talk about it so openly and comfortably, it's like, Oh,
• 3:41
  Speaker 2: that doesn't have to feel so heavy. It actually isn't.
• 3:44
  Speaker 1: That deep without being shameful about it too. Yeah, Like,
• 3:46
  Speaker 1: oh my god you oh this be bad Wolf.
• 3:48
  Speaker 2: Like, yeah, yeah, it's really cool. So I love that.
• 3:51
  Speaker 2: I love his page. So today, what are you talking about?
• 3:54
  Speaker 1: We are going to talk about the trauma of overly
• 3:56
  Speaker 1: taking responsibility in any given situation. Now, this is a
• 4:00
  Speaker 1: really tough one. I feel like women especially would really
• 4:03
  Speaker 1: really struggle with this, because one, we want to create conflict.
• 4:06
  Speaker 1: We struggle with combative energy between people, you know, it's
• 4:10
  Speaker 1: like we really struggle with that. So we want to
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  Speaker 1: talk about the trauma that comes with overly taking responsibility,
• 4:14
  Speaker 1: how it's not benefiting you, and what you can kind
• 4:16
  Speaker 1: of do instead of that.
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  Speaker 2: And there's like two ends of the scale, which we've
• 4:21
  Speaker 2: both been down the blame game yeap, and then overtaking
• 4:24
  Speaker 2: responsibility and then finding that middle ground and understanding no
• 4:26
  Speaker 2: matter what dynamic, no matter what story, no matter what partnership, relationship,
• 4:31
  Speaker 2: situationship you're in, there is two people in there that
• 4:34
  Speaker 2: need to take one hundred percent responsibility. It's not one
• 4:36
  Speaker 2: taking seventy percent, one taking thirty percent. You both have
• 4:39
  Speaker 2: your staff, both of your experience is real and it's
• 4:42
  Speaker 2: not productive for anyone for you to blame the other
• 4:44
  Speaker 2: person for everything or for you to take all the
• 4:46
  Speaker 2: responsibility and not give them the opportunity to learn and
• 4:49
  Speaker 2: grow and see where they can improve as well.
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  Speaker 1: I think what's interesting about this topic as well is
• 4:53
  Speaker 1: that when you have been the person to overly blame
• 4:56
  Speaker 1: people in your life, you almost don't want to be
• 4:59
  Speaker 1: that anymore. Yeah, when you evolve out of that the
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: other way, doing the other way, but you go to
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  Speaker 1: the extreme. In one hand, you're victim blaming everybody else
• 5:07
  Speaker 1: is the problem, and then you swing to the complete
• 5:09
  Speaker 1: other end where you're like, oh my god, I'm the problem.
• 5:11
  Speaker 2: It's I'm so sorry.
• 5:12
  Speaker 1: It's me.
• 5:13
  Speaker 2: Yeah, Hi, it's me. How does it help on the proms?
• 5:16
  Speaker 1: It's one hundred percent that, Yeah, And so I think
• 5:18
  Speaker 1: it's a really interesting thing, especially with social media information.
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  Speaker 1: There's so much information out there. It's really important to
• 5:25
  Speaker 1: be able to access discernment with how much you take
• 5:29
  Speaker 1: on what other people post, you know, because it's like, oh,
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  Speaker 1: you need to take one hundred percent responsibility for your part,
• 5:35
  Speaker 1: but then you know that piece of content might not
• 5:37
  Speaker 1: give you context, context The other person has part in
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  Speaker 1: this too, Yes, And I think it's just really important
• 5:42
  Speaker 1: to note that because it could be like, you know,
• 5:44
  Speaker 1: you see stuff on social media like don't be a victim,
• 5:46
  Speaker 1: and you're like, Okay, I'm not being a victim now,
• 5:48
  Speaker 1: I'm overly taking responsibility. But if you're going to either extremes,
• 5:52
  Speaker 1: you're not in the middle yet.
• 5:53
  Speaker 2: Yes, and it's apiations where someone does something really horrible
• 5:57
  Speaker 2: to you, that's not your responsibility, but then it's your
• 5:59
  Speaker 2: responsibility what.
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: You do with that. Yes, do you allow that? Yeah?
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  Speaker 2: Do you stand up for yourself? Do you use your voice?
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  Speaker 2: Do you have a new boundary in place? Do you
• 6:07
  Speaker 2: cut that person out of your life? Do you go
• 6:09
  Speaker 2: on social media and like vent to it to everyone,
• 6:11
  Speaker 2: or do you go to that person and communicate like
• 6:13
  Speaker 2: that is your part and where you need to take responsibility.
• 6:15
  Speaker 1: You can't control what other.
• 6:16
  Speaker 2: People do to you, but you can control how you
• 6:18
  Speaker 2: react and respond and what you do next with it.
• 6:20
  Speaker 1: Yes, yeah, I love that.
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  Speaker 2: I think sometimes I would rather be and this is
• 6:25
  Speaker 2: me just being fully honest, I would rather nowadays. I
• 6:28
  Speaker 2: used to be the blamer, but nowadays I think I
• 6:30
  Speaker 2: sometimes would rather be the villain in someone's story because
• 6:33
  Speaker 2: that feels safer to me to just be like, oh, yeah,
• 6:36
  Speaker 2: I'm sorry, it's all my fault, then get into an argument,
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  Speaker 2: upset them, for them to take what I'm saying the
• 6:41
  Speaker 2: wrong way, for them to abandon me not want to
• 6:43
  Speaker 2: be my friend anymore. But then it's like that is
• 6:45
  Speaker 2: not a true relationship. That's not a true, honest friendship.
• 6:48
  Speaker 2: That is a relationship based on being fake. Really, And
• 6:52
  Speaker 2: you're abandoning yourself doing that. And I'm fully consciously aware
• 6:55
  Speaker 2: of it. I know when I do it, and I'll
• 6:57
  Speaker 2: go home and dwell on it and be like, oh
• 6:59
  Speaker 2: my gosh, why didn't I use my voice there? Like
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  Speaker 2: why didn't I feel safe? Why can't I speak my truth?
• 7:04
  Speaker 2: But you get really scared sometimes I've got like a
• 7:07
  Speaker 2: full abandonment wound, like Okay, I'll just be the villain.
• 7:10
  Speaker 1: I'll just take it all. Yeah, like I'll bear the
• 7:12
  Speaker 1: burden and yeah, and.
• 7:13
  Speaker 2: You think it'll be easier, but then it just like
• 7:16
  Speaker 2: it adds to your backpack of heavy rocks of course
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  Speaker 2: you carried around.
• 7:19
  Speaker 1: Where do you if you know my asking, where do
• 7:21
  Speaker 1: you think that that comes from? Like? What is the fear?
• 7:24
  Speaker 1: Oh I have to be the villain, I have to
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  Speaker 1: carry this otherwise.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, I think it's just come from a couple of
• 7:29
  Speaker 2: conversations I've had over the years with friends that have
• 7:31
  Speaker 2: been harder, and then I've been like made to feel
• 7:34
  Speaker 2: bad for voicing that I don't want to talk about
• 7:37
  Speaker 2: a specific situation, but just a conversation that I've had
• 7:40
  Speaker 2: it's been really uncomfortable. They don't want to talk about it,
• 7:43
  Speaker 2: and then spin it back to be your fault. Yeah, okay,
• 7:46
  Speaker 2: So I'm like, oh, okay, I'll just hold it. Yes,
• 7:49
  Speaker 2: feel scary because I feel like I'm going to lose
• 7:50
  Speaker 2: them or they're going to be upset with me, and
• 7:53
  Speaker 2: either of those options are just not okay for my
• 7:55
  Speaker 2: nervous systems. Yeah, I also consciously know that they're not
• 7:58
  Speaker 2: the people for me. You should be able to express
• 8:01
  Speaker 2: your feelings and how things make you feel and be
• 8:04
  Speaker 2: able to say, hey, this really upset me when you
• 8:07
  Speaker 2: did X, Y, and Z. I know your intentions weren't there,
• 8:09
  Speaker 2: but like, can we talk about how this can be
• 8:11
  Speaker 2: done differently next time? If we would have something at work,
• 8:14
  Speaker 2: I think we would just talk about it, you know,
• 8:16
  Speaker 2: But there's been evidence before where it hasn't been safe
• 8:19
  Speaker 2: and it's felt really scary, So I'm like, oh, I'd
• 8:21
  Speaker 2: just rather think that this is all my fault. Yeah,
• 8:23
  Speaker 2: she can stay happy and stay you know, and we
• 8:25
  Speaker 2: can just continue as we were.
• 8:27
  Speaker 1: Yeah, like, not challenge that challenge. It's scary.
• 8:30
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 8:31
  Speaker 1: Yeah, whereas a Steve, I feel fully safe challenge him.
• 8:35
  Speaker 1: You've had like almost seventeen years. Yeah, you know, literally,
• 8:38
  Speaker 1: beautiful thing.
• 8:39
  Speaker 2: I just want to talk about that because we never
• 8:41
  Speaker 2: sit in this podcast on our high horses saying that
• 8:43
  Speaker 2: we're perfect and we've put all their shit together. It's
• 8:45
  Speaker 2: actually the complete opposite. We are a work in progress
• 8:48
  Speaker 2: and we always want to be honest with where we're at.
• 8:50
  Speaker 2: And yeah, I can see in different dynamics where I'm
• 8:53
  Speaker 2: just like, I'll just be the villain. I'll stay silent
• 8:55
  Speaker 2: on this. It's not worth trying to prove my point
• 8:57
  Speaker 2: or reason with the unreasonable.
• 8:59
  Speaker 1: Or backlash that might come from yeah or both of
• 9:02
  Speaker 1: us to take our side, especially if that other person
• 9:04
  Speaker 1: is super unaware of how they played their parts and something.
• 9:07
  Speaker 1: I'm like, it's not worth the energy. Yes, sometimes I
• 9:09
  Speaker 1: think as well, if the other person is unwilling, You're
• 9:11
  Speaker 1: almost like I'm fighting with somebody who is unwilling to
• 9:15
  Speaker 1: one hear me or to come and communicate. Yeah, you know,
• 9:18
  Speaker 1: so I wonder if that also plays a role of,
• 9:20
  Speaker 1: like you know that that person won't be able to
• 9:22
  Speaker 1: hear you properly.
• 9:23
  Speaker 2: Yeah, just feels like not worth the conflict. Yeah, yeah,
• 9:26
  Speaker 2: I get that.
• 9:27
  Speaker 1: It's uncomfortable. It is so uncomfortable. Mine shows up in
• 9:30
  Speaker 1: a little bit of a different way. I find when
• 9:32
  Speaker 1: it comes to like overly taking responsibility, I do it often.
• 9:37
  Speaker 1: I've noticed this in you too, but I do it
• 9:39
  Speaker 1: in a way. What I've noticed in myself is that
• 9:41
  Speaker 1: I'll overly take responsibility and I'll make sure the other
• 9:44
  Speaker 1: person feels so utterly heard.
• 9:46
  Speaker 2: Yeah, considered beautiful, but it's also at the cost of it.
• 9:50
  Speaker 1: To a fault sometimes. Right, It's also a strength of mind,
• 9:53
  Speaker 1: but it's also a weakness, like a Krypto kind of thing,
• 9:55
  Speaker 1: you know. So it's like it's a beautiful thing, and
• 9:57
  Speaker 1: I do it because, like, I know what it feels
• 9:59
  Speaker 1: like to not be heard, not be seen, not feel safe,
• 10:01
  Speaker 1: not feel held. So when it comes to other people
• 10:04
  Speaker 1: who feel uncomfortable, or we're in a dynamic where there's
• 10:07
  Speaker 1: discomfort or there's conflict, or there's you know, a conversation
• 10:11
  Speaker 1: that needs to be had, I will go out of
• 10:13
  Speaker 1: my way to make sure that that person is heard, understood,
• 10:16
  Speaker 1: gets to share everything that they're feeling. But then I
• 10:19
  Speaker 1: almost get scared to voice your voice. Mind. Yeah, so
• 10:23
  Speaker 1: it's like I allow all this space for the other person,
• 10:26
  Speaker 1: but then it's almost like I feel scared to take
• 10:28
  Speaker 1: up space and be like, oh, but this is my truth. Yeah,
• 10:31
  Speaker 1: you know. So it's like you can have your truth
• 10:32
  Speaker 1: and you can bring it in, but then I'm like, oh,
• 10:34
  Speaker 1: I find resistant to bring my truth in and like
• 10:37
  Speaker 1: actually take up spacetimes.
• 10:39
  Speaker 2: Is there something lately where you've found that's come up
• 10:41
  Speaker 2: for you. Is it more like friendship, family, partners, or
• 10:44
  Speaker 2: just like different situations.
• 10:46
  Speaker 1: I would say different situations, but I would say mostly relationships. Yeah,
• 10:49
  Speaker 1: like relationship wounds. Yeah, you know the mine's friendship. Yeah,
• 10:54
  Speaker 1: have out things. I feel like it's the similar thing,
• 10:56
  Speaker 1: but just in different ITAs. Yeah.
• 10:59
  Speaker 2: We talk about this often, we do.
• 11:00
  Speaker 1: Yeah. I think it's just almost what is it. It's
• 11:03
  Speaker 1: like a fear of conflict, a fear of them getting
• 11:06
  Speaker 1: mad at me, a fear of them not liking what
• 11:07
  Speaker 1: I'm going to say and then potentially leaving. It comes
• 11:11
  Speaker 1: down to the abandonment wound underneath it all. Yeah. Yeah,
• 11:14
  Speaker 1: both got that wound, a fear of fear of loss. Right, yeah,
• 11:17
  Speaker 1: like that, this is so good, Like I don't want
• 11:19
  Speaker 1: to like ruffle feathers. Yes, I've noticed this recently. Too big,
• 11:22
  Speaker 1: too loud, too much? Yeah? Is this too much? Is
• 11:25
  Speaker 1: what I'm worrying? Too much? Is it too booby? Is it?
• 11:28
  Speaker 1: You know? Just little? Even like that, you're overly nice sometimes. Yeah.
• 11:32
  Speaker 2: We had the situation in the car the other day
• 11:33
  Speaker 2: and you were like, Oh, this salesperson keeps sending me
• 11:36
  Speaker 2: all these sales things and he's trying to get me
• 11:38
  Speaker 2: to do this and that and that. And I was like, okay, well,
• 11:40
  Speaker 2: let's just when you send him a text and close
• 11:42
  Speaker 2: it off so he stops contacting you. And you were like, oh,
• 11:45
  Speaker 2: now I might just say what were you going to say?
• 11:47
  Speaker 2: It was so overly nice and it was beautiful, But
• 11:50
  Speaker 2: I was like, you're not stating that you're not interested.
• 11:52
  Speaker 1: So he's going to keep.
• 11:53
  Speaker 2: Harassing you, harassing this big word, but keep contacting you
• 11:56
  Speaker 2: and keep poking you to try and get you there,
• 11:58
  Speaker 2: keep pushing, which was really annoying you. And this is
• 12:00
  Speaker 2: like the third time you're brought it up. So I'm like,
• 12:02
  Speaker 2: let me type it, you can approve it before I
• 12:04
  Speaker 2: send it, just like, hey, thanks much for binding me,
• 12:06
  Speaker 2: but I'm going to kindly decline right now.
• 12:08
  Speaker 1: Yes, wish you all the best. Yes, I had so
• 12:10
  Speaker 1: much resistance yeah into that, and you said it so.
• 12:12
  Speaker 2: Beautifully, but I was like, still being respectful, but you're
• 12:14
  Speaker 2: honoring yourself and you're saying I'm not interested in this
• 12:17
  Speaker 2: right now, and he hasn't connected you since yeah, and
• 12:19
  Speaker 2: it's awkward.
• 12:20
  Speaker 1: More recently, I've noticed the part of me that's been
• 12:22
  Speaker 1: scared to be seen as like a bitch or yeah,
• 12:24
  Speaker 1: too assertive or too honest or whatever.
• 12:26
  Speaker 2: Where does that come from? Has someone said to you before,
• 12:29
  Speaker 2: you're too much, you're too bitchy, too loud. Have you
• 12:32
  Speaker 2: got evidence of that to make you believe that that
• 12:34
  Speaker 2: could be a possibility?
• 12:35
  Speaker 1: No, I don't think so. I think it could probably
• 12:36
  Speaker 1: more come from my own projections.
• 12:39
  Speaker 2: Okay, maybe, but you felt like someone else's too much
• 12:41
  Speaker 2: and too bit.
• 12:42
  Speaker 1: Potentially yeah, okay, yeah, maybe I still have work to
• 12:45
  Speaker 1: do around my associations with directness. So a part of
• 12:49
  Speaker 1: me resists stepping into it because I'm like, oh, maybe
• 12:51
  Speaker 1: directness leads to some being cold or you know, what
• 12:55
  Speaker 1: I mean. Yeah, so I know that there's still work
• 12:57
  Speaker 1: for me to do. It's like unpeeling layers for me.
• 12:59
  Speaker 1: You want to be perceived as like the nice girl mind, Yeah, yeah,
• 13:03
  Speaker 1: kind Yeah. Also, I feel like this whole year has
• 13:06
  Speaker 1: been about me really owning inner bitch. Yeah, we've both
• 13:10
  Speaker 1: been trying.
• 13:10
  Speaker 2: And when you say that, I feel like people listen
• 13:12
  Speaker 2: to be like, oh, why would you want to be bitchy?
• 13:14
  Speaker 2: It's not about being bitchy or disrespectful to someone else,
• 13:17
  Speaker 2: it's just actually owning whatever emotion comes up, yes, and
• 13:20
  Speaker 2: letting it be there without shame.
• 13:21
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, It's like, if I feel fiery in the moment,
• 13:24
  Speaker 1: allow it to come forward. If i'd feel disappointed in
• 13:26
  Speaker 1: the moment, let it talk about it. And that's something
• 13:29
  Speaker 1: you've really taught me how to do really beautifully, because
• 13:31
  Speaker 1: I feel like you feel your emotions as they come,
• 13:34
  Speaker 1: you vocalize and move through it. Yeah, and you've given
• 13:36
  Speaker 1: me a lot of permission to be able to do
• 13:37
  Speaker 1: that as well. And yeah, you did call me out
• 13:40
  Speaker 1: on that like a few months ago, being like, you know,
• 13:42
  Speaker 1: maybe you don't have to be so nice all the time,
• 13:43
  Speaker 1: like you can just you are nice. You don't have
• 13:45
  Speaker 1: to procuse and be over the top of it. Yeah,
• 13:47
  Speaker 1: but I was only proving me needing to be nice
• 13:50
  Speaker 1: because there's also, you know, a fiery side to me
• 13:52
  Speaker 1: that also exists that I suppressed for so many years.
• 13:55
  Speaker 1: So this year has been about bringing her and integrating
• 13:57
  Speaker 1: her and being okay to be all parts of myself.
• 14:00
  Speaker 2: And we talk about this often, but the more you
• 14:01
  Speaker 2: allow your emotions to come up, the cricker it dissolves.
• 14:04
  Speaker 1: It's doing it in safetime.
• 14:05
  Speaker 2: So it's like you and I or you might listening,
• 14:07
  Speaker 2: you might go to your husband, or you might go
• 14:08
  Speaker 2: to your best friend or your mum. Just be like,
• 14:10
  Speaker 2: oh my god, this fucking molebag said this to me
• 14:12
  Speaker 2: at work, or this this girl said this to me online,
• 14:15
  Speaker 2: or this really annoyed me when she did that, and
• 14:16
  Speaker 2: like rage about it. Like you're allowed to rage about
• 14:19
  Speaker 2: it and have your little moment. And I promise you
• 14:21
  Speaker 2: have that moment and it dissolves. But if you fester
• 14:24
  Speaker 2: on it and you don't voice it and you suppress it,
• 14:26
  Speaker 2: you park it, you try not to think about it.
• 14:28
  Speaker 2: I promise you it was going to get bigger and bigger.
• 14:30
  Speaker 2: So just like voice it, let it come up, and
• 14:32
  Speaker 2: you can move through it.
• 14:33
  Speaker 1: And even come back to that, like having hard conversations
• 14:35
  Speaker 1: and owning what comes up. The other night, something that
• 14:38
  Speaker 1: would have made me so uncomfortable was voicing a non
• 14:41
  Speaker 1: negotiable that I had voiced in a conversation the other night,
• 14:44
  Speaker 1: being like, oh, so proud of you, and I'll probably
• 14:46
  Speaker 1: share the story with you guys soon. Yeah, but it
• 14:49
  Speaker 1: was something that is a hard no for me. Yeah,
• 14:52
  Speaker 1: and I got faced with it. I got faced with it,
• 14:54
  Speaker 1: and I openly had the conversation, and I was resisting it,
• 14:57
  Speaker 1: and I was a little bit scared, but I was like,
• 14:59
  Speaker 1: you know what, like I get to have this. And
• 15:01
  Speaker 1: I noticed the part of me that was like, oh
• 15:02
  Speaker 1: is this extreme for this to be a non negotiable force?
• 15:05
  Speaker 1: Like is this too much?
• 15:06
  Speaker 2: And that's even ask me that, like is this extreme?
• 15:09
  Speaker 2: Like is this too much to.
• 15:10
  Speaker 1: Ask too much? And then I was like, you know what, No,
• 15:12
  Speaker 1: it's not. This is important to me and this is
• 15:14
  Speaker 1: based on my value, So no, it's not extreme, and
• 15:16
  Speaker 1: I get to have that and I openly voiced it,
• 15:19
  Speaker 1: and like it was received really beautifully, which is nice,
• 15:22
  Speaker 1: well done. It did really well. I think a big
• 15:25
  Speaker 1: thing about overly taking responsibility is that it actually impacts
• 15:30
  Speaker 1: the relationships that you're in, right, because we know that
• 15:33
  Speaker 1: whatever isn't voiced comes out in resentment, in energy and energy,
• 15:37
  Speaker 1: you know. So it's like it doesn't matter whatever it
• 15:39
  Speaker 1: is that you're doing. If you're overly taking responsibility, you're
• 15:41
  Speaker 1: suppressing the part of you that believes that the other
• 15:44
  Speaker 1: person has a role to play as well. Yes, you know.
• 15:46
  Speaker 1: And then if that person isn't acknowledging what they've partaken in,
• 15:50
  Speaker 1: you know, maybe you've had a fight and they've said
• 15:52
  Speaker 1: something nasty and they're not taking responsibility for it or
• 15:55
  Speaker 1: owning it or coming and resolving that with you, that's
• 15:58
  Speaker 1: going to lead to so much resentment because you're just
• 16:00
  Speaker 1: going to go, well, now I don't feel safe here.
• 16:02
  Speaker 2: Yeah, And that can only go on for so long.
• 16:04
  Speaker 2: That's right, Build and build a build. It's like a
• 16:07
  Speaker 2: kettle that's boiling. It'll explode one day.
• 16:09
  Speaker 1: Such a good analogy, isn't it. It's an interesting thing,
• 16:11
  Speaker 1: isn't it? As well? When we're overly taking responsibility, we're
• 16:14
  Speaker 1: not giving somebody else the opportunity to grow with us.
• 16:17
  Speaker 1: Oh my god, such a good point. We're taking responsibility
• 16:20
  Speaker 1: right now, we're doing too much of the work. Yeah,
• 16:23
  Speaker 1: we might be growing to a certain extent. The other
• 16:25
  Speaker 1: person is not able to come on the journey with us,
• 16:27
  Speaker 1: even inviting them to come with us and go, hey,
• 16:29
  Speaker 1: let's move through this together. Yes, it's such a good point.
• 16:33
  Speaker 2: I'm going to talk about a situation that happened with
• 16:35
  Speaker 2: you and I that was a huge eye opener for me,
• 16:39
  Speaker 2: and it was really uncomfortable and really scary, but it
• 16:42
  Speaker 2: was such a huge lesson. But I'm just like so
• 16:44
  Speaker 2: grateful at the way that you came to me, the
• 16:47
  Speaker 2: way that you approached it, and the way you allowed
• 16:50
  Speaker 2: me to step up and be a better friend. And
• 16:52
  Speaker 2: it was when I had kind of accidentally slipped something
• 16:56
  Speaker 2: in a conversation with a past friend and there was
• 17:00
  Speaker 2: no ill intentions behind it, and I know you know
• 17:02
  Speaker 2: there wasn't either, And I thought you probably would have
• 17:05
  Speaker 2: told this girl this story anyway, but it was not
• 17:08
  Speaker 2: my place to let that slip. And this girl had
• 17:11
  Speaker 2: then told you, and then you drove around to my house,
• 17:13
  Speaker 2: you like you need to talk to you, And I
• 17:14
  Speaker 2: was like, oh, my fucking gold, what's going on?
• 17:16
  Speaker 1: Panicking She's gonna.
• 17:17
  Speaker 2: Leave me, and you put your hand on my lap
• 17:21
  Speaker 2: and you were like, this person's come to me and
• 17:22
  Speaker 2: let me know that you said this. And then I
• 17:25
  Speaker 2: explained the situation and it was all good. But I
• 17:27
  Speaker 2: was just like, I'm so glad that you didn't just
• 17:30
  Speaker 2: shove that under the rug. Let it sit there, Let
• 17:32
  Speaker 2: it be heavy on your heart, not voice how you felt,
• 17:35
  Speaker 2: because that would build up resentment, it would also put
• 17:38
  Speaker 2: cracks in our friendship. It'll also make you not trust me,
• 17:41
  Speaker 2: and you didn't get to get the context around it.
• 17:43
  Speaker 2: And it was also just a really massive lesson for
• 17:45
  Speaker 2: me of just being way more conscious of the conversations
• 17:48
  Speaker 2: that I'm having and to not let them slip. I
• 17:50
  Speaker 2: was a bit too casual and trusting of this other person,
• 17:53
  Speaker 2: and it just it came out. But it was such
• 17:55
  Speaker 2: a big lesson for me, And it was also a
• 17:56
  Speaker 2: beautiful example for me to see in those moments where
• 18:00
  Speaker 2: I need to have hard conversations, how beautifully it can
• 18:03
  Speaker 2: be done to actually bring closeness. And I remember you
• 18:07
  Speaker 2: saying to me, because you're obviously well aware of my wound,
• 18:09
  Speaker 2: You're like, I'm just letting you know I'm not leaving
• 18:11
  Speaker 2: We're all good, nothing's wrong. This is just a moment
• 18:14
  Speaker 2: where we get to talk about this. And communication and
• 18:18
  Speaker 2: transparency are such high values of both of ours. And
• 18:21
  Speaker 2: if I ever do anything like this or anything comes
• 18:23
  Speaker 2: up for you, this is how I want you to
• 18:24
  Speaker 2: come to me. So you fully led the way. I
• 18:26
  Speaker 2: was like, wow, so that point that you just said
• 18:29
  Speaker 2: that by not voicing your truth, you're not giving that
• 18:32
  Speaker 2: person opportunity to grow and we get to grow and
• 18:36
  Speaker 2: learn and do things better. And how amazing if you
• 18:38
  Speaker 2: have people in life that are leading the way with that.
• 18:41
  Speaker 2: And I've always talked about Megazie. She's just been such
• 18:43
  Speaker 2: a huge inspiration for me in so many ways. And
• 18:47
  Speaker 2: the way she teaches me isn't by preaching or shoving
• 18:49
  Speaker 2: things down my throat or telling me I'm wrong or
• 18:52
  Speaker 2: bad or whatever. She just leads by example. It's like,
• 18:55
  Speaker 2: that's the kind of parent I want to be. And
• 18:56
  Speaker 2: it's also you showed me that's the kind of friend
• 18:58
  Speaker 2: that I want to be. So thank you for that.
• 19:01
  Speaker 2: And I wanted to share that because it's just such
• 19:03
  Speaker 2: an important life lesson that it doesn't have to be
• 19:06
  Speaker 2: as hard and uncomfortable when it was a hard conversation,
• 19:08
  Speaker 2: but it can be so beautiful and so connecting, and
• 19:12
  Speaker 2: you get to choose how the kind of relationships that
• 19:15
  Speaker 2: you have in your life. But to have those deep, safe,
• 19:19
  Speaker 2: connected friendships and dynamics, you have to be that and
• 19:23
  Speaker 2: that requires sitting in the discomfort and creating safety and
• 19:27
  Speaker 2: looking at your body language and your tone of voice
• 19:29
  Speaker 2: and reassurance, understanding their wounds. There's so many layers to it,
• 19:33
  Speaker 2: but that's what it takes to make a relationship work.
• 19:35
  Speaker 2: You can't just expect things to be fucking honky doory
• 19:38
  Speaker 2: all the time. So true, it doesn't work like that,
• 19:40
  Speaker 2: does it, But yeah, thank you for that. It's just
• 19:43
  Speaker 2: been so beautiful with such a huge moment for me.
• 19:45
  Speaker 2: And I remember going inside just boiling my eyes and
• 19:47
  Speaker 2: crying out.
• 19:47
  Speaker 1: I know, I'm gonna cry. Why am I emotional?
• 19:51
  Speaker 2: My period? But like the thought of losing you open
• 19:53
  Speaker 2: that I was like never and it was just such
• 19:56
  Speaker 2: a cool lesson.
• 19:57
  Speaker 1: It was so beautiful, and.
• 19:58
  Speaker 2: It was also a moment for me of like I
• 20:01
  Speaker 2: can make a mistake and still be loved, Whereas in
• 20:03
  Speaker 2: the past when I've made mistakes and I've lost friends, it's.
• 20:06
  Speaker 1: Like, oh, I have to be perfect.
• 20:08
  Speaker 2: I can't ever slip up, I can't ever make a mistake,
• 20:11
  Speaker 2: I can't ever do the wrong thing. So I'm going
• 20:14
  Speaker 2: to suppress, park internalize, and be the nice girl to
• 20:18
  Speaker 2: keep this relationship or friendship. And then when I had
• 20:21
  Speaker 2: that evidence of you, I'm like, I don't have to
• 20:23
  Speaker 2: do that, and I don't ever want to do that again.
• 20:25
  Speaker 2: That's felt so painful the last ten years having friendships
• 20:28
  Speaker 2: where I've had to be like that, and it like said,
• 20:30
  Speaker 2: a new standard of what I want in my life.
• 20:32
  Speaker 2: And then that trickled into my intimate relationship with Steve,
• 20:34
  Speaker 2: and like, wow, now I see how I can bring
• 20:37
  Speaker 2: hard conversations to him with more calm and ease and
• 20:39
  Speaker 2: reassurance rather than suppressing or attacking or criticizing. So it
• 20:44
  Speaker 2: was really beautiful and I just hope me sharing that
• 20:46
  Speaker 2: inspires someone else to have a hard conversation in a
• 20:49
  Speaker 2: beautiful way.
• 20:50
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it was a hard conversation to have, but even
• 20:52
  Speaker 1: from my perspective of bringing that conversation in, it was
• 20:55
  Speaker 1: from a place of oh, wow, I want to create closeness,
• 21:01
  Speaker 1: like I want to protect, I want to preserve, I
• 21:03
  Speaker 1: want to nurture our relationship and I just have seen
• 21:07
  Speaker 1: it so many times and I have so much evidence
• 21:09
  Speaker 1: of it. Of like the open communication is what creates
• 21:12
  Speaker 1: deeper connections, and anyone who parks things, sweeps things, sweeps
• 21:17
  Speaker 1: them under the rug, like they all end up drifting apart.
• 21:20
  Speaker 1: I heard someone say this concept once and it was like,
• 21:22
  Speaker 1: the problem in your relationship is what sits between you
• 21:25
  Speaker 1: and your partner on the couch. And it just it
• 21:28
  Speaker 1: really landed for me, and now I see that in
• 21:31
  Speaker 1: every relationship. I'm like, anything that sits between us on
• 21:34
  Speaker 1: the couch is the problem of the relationship and is
• 21:36
  Speaker 1: the thing that's keeping us disconnected. And so for me
• 21:39
  Speaker 1: coming in for that conversation was like, I want to
• 21:41
  Speaker 1: bring us in close. I love you, and I don't
• 21:43
  Speaker 1: want to leave. I don't want to go anywhere. The
• 21:45
  Speaker 1: problem we talk about it. It's going to talk about it.
• 21:47
  Speaker 1: And I remember this girl coming to me in this
• 21:49
  Speaker 1: conversation having happened, and then within an hour I was like, babe,
• 21:52
  Speaker 1: pinny talk. Yeah.
• 21:53
  Speaker 2: I was like I'm coming, You're like I'm driving you.
• 21:56
  Speaker 1: I'm like, can I come out? Yeah? Yeah?
• 21:58
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 21:59
  Speaker 1: It was really beautiful. Yeah, it was nice. I think
• 22:01
  Speaker 1: it's you know, one of those things. We have lots
• 22:03
  Speaker 1: of little pieces of evidence now in friendship where we
• 22:05
  Speaker 1: can have hard conversations and we are so safe for
• 22:08
  Speaker 1: each other that I know even things that come up
• 22:10
  Speaker 1: in the future, I know we'll be able to deal
• 22:12
  Speaker 1: with them. You know, We've got a lot of uncomfortable
• 22:14
  Speaker 1: conversations recently. Triggers and things like that have come up
• 22:17
  Speaker 1: for us.
• 22:17
  Speaker 2: I feel like when people hear that that we knows
• 22:19
  Speaker 2: you to what it is, they're uncomfortable, but they're also
• 22:22
  Speaker 2: so beautiful because every time that happens, like we have
• 22:24
  Speaker 2: one the other day. I'm not going to go into
• 22:25
  Speaker 2: what it was about, because it's just it was so silly,
• 22:28
  Speaker 2: but both of them. We got home and I was like,
• 22:31
  Speaker 2: oh my gosh, was I too much?
• 22:33
  Speaker 1: Then I shouldn't have said that.
• 22:34
  Speaker 2: I got so in my head. I messaged you. I'm like, oh,
• 22:37
  Speaker 2: I'm feeling anxious, and then she sends a photo back
• 22:39
  Speaker 2: with a tear and eye and like, I'm feeling anxious too.
• 22:41
  Speaker 2: So I called you straight away and FaceTime and both
• 22:43
  Speaker 2: of us just like, oh my gosh, what's coming up.
• 22:45
  Speaker 2: I'm like, I just felt like I shouldn't have said that.
• 22:47
  Speaker 2: All that was too far and you're like, no, no, no,
• 22:49
  Speaker 2: I felt guilty because I said this, And it was
• 22:50
  Speaker 2: just like both of us were in it and both
• 22:54
  Speaker 2: feeling like we've done the wrong thing, and then we
• 22:56
  Speaker 2: both just got to reassure each other. It's like, it's
• 22:58
  Speaker 2: not you, it's not me. It's just this little situation
• 23:00
  Speaker 2: that we're just figuring out how to do that that thing. Yeah,
• 23:04
  Speaker 2: it was really funny and beautiful and emotional and all
• 23:07
  Speaker 2: in one, but like, yeah, we did it together. We
• 23:09
  Speaker 2: did it, and it just once again brings you so
• 23:11
  Speaker 2: much closer. Yeah, and this isn't to brag about our
• 23:13
  Speaker 2: friendship and how amazing it is. It is, but we
• 23:15
  Speaker 2: want to talk about this so that we're evidence for
• 23:17
  Speaker 2: you that you can have these hard conversations and trust us,
• 23:21
  Speaker 2: it brings you closer to the people that you love.
• 23:23
  Speaker 1: And because we both have the same wounds as well,
• 23:25
  Speaker 1: make it easier. It does make it easier because we know,
• 23:27
  Speaker 1: like we both behave the same way we're we're triggered,
• 23:30
  Speaker 1: so then we know how to support each other in
• 23:32
  Speaker 1: these moments. And so even that conversation we had on FaceTime,
• 23:35
  Speaker 1: after five minutes on FaceTime, we were good and luffing again.
• 23:37
  Speaker 2: You're like, I'm off to do this. I'm like, shit,
• 23:39
  Speaker 2: I'm off.
• 23:40
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and it was the best, and then I think
• 23:41
  Speaker 1: it came up. We had something else that happened like
• 23:43
  Speaker 1: two days later of the same thing.
• 23:44
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and we were just like, not bring it in.
• 23:47
  Speaker 2: We're feeling good.
• 23:48
  Speaker 1: It's good. Yeah.
• 23:50
  Speaker 2: The more that you practice having these harder conversations and
• 23:53
  Speaker 2: being true, not blaming or not overtaking responsibility, the more
• 23:57
  Speaker 2: natural it feels, and actually the less uncomfortable. It feels like,
• 24:00
  Speaker 2: it doesn't feel as uncomfortable as what it did that
• 24:02
  Speaker 2: very first time, because it's like, I know, this gets
• 24:04
  Speaker 2: to be played for on fun and we come out
• 24:05
  Speaker 2: the other side of no matter what.
• 24:06
  Speaker 1: That's so true, you know, and I think as well,
• 24:08
  Speaker 1: when you have two people who are willing, who also
• 24:11
  Speaker 1: have awareness of like, okay, each person gets to share
• 24:13
  Speaker 1: their experience. Yes, it's like I share experience. You get
• 24:16
  Speaker 1: to share your experience. Then we bring it together. Yeah,
• 24:18
  Speaker 1: it's not you're wrong, I'm right. That didn't happen over
• 24:22
  Speaker 1: talking each other, no dismissing, no, none of that. It's
• 24:24
  Speaker 1: like we're just holding space for each other. We get
• 24:26
  Speaker 1: to be there to hear what the other person has
• 24:28
  Speaker 1: to say, and then we get to love on each
• 24:30
  Speaker 1: other harder in that And so in that automatically you
• 24:33
  Speaker 1: were equally taking responsibility for suns that we've said done,
• 24:38
  Speaker 1: showed up as, and then we get to do the
• 24:40
  Speaker 1: repair together. Yes, which often is just a conversation. I
• 24:43
  Speaker 1: think for anyone listening to it, it's like, Okay, I've
• 24:45
  Speaker 1: got to have this conversation. How do I have that?
• 24:47
  Speaker 2: In my experience with Tiana, the wheen I just spoke
• 24:49
  Speaker 2: about it was a lot of reassurance. So she started
• 24:51
  Speaker 2: it out with they just want you to know this
• 24:52
  Speaker 2: doesn't change our friendship. This hasn't change the way I
• 24:54
  Speaker 2: feel about you, This hasn't change what we're doing together.
• 24:57
  Speaker 2: Nothing's changed. I just want to talk to you about
• 25:00
  Speaker 2: how this happened. Yes, So that immediately, because I walked
• 25:03
  Speaker 2: into that thinking, oh my god, she's going to end
• 25:04
  Speaker 2: up you know, So that reassurance straight away allowed me
• 25:08
  Speaker 2: to soften, take a breath, go back to that moment,
• 25:11
  Speaker 2: and then I could explain what happened and you're like, oh,
• 25:14
  Speaker 2: I can see yeah, yeah, that happens.
• 25:16
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 25:16
  Speaker 2: So I think if you're going into a hard conversation.
• 25:19
  Speaker 2: Make sure you're really regulated, like I could tell you
• 25:21
  Speaker 2: it was super regulated. Take some breaths, get clear on
• 25:24
  Speaker 2: what it is you're talking about and the outcome that
• 25:26
  Speaker 2: you would like. And then if you can start it
• 25:28
  Speaker 2: with some reassurance, because if that person is anxious or avoidant,
• 25:33
  Speaker 2: they need reassurance that everything's going to be okay. And
• 25:36
  Speaker 2: that's how I would start it and lead with it.
• 25:38
  Speaker 2: You spoke about like how it made you feel, and
• 25:40
  Speaker 2: you were just like curious on how it happened. Yes,
• 25:42
  Speaker 2: it wasn't like I can't believe you did this, this
• 25:44
  Speaker 2: is fucked. It was like I'm just really wondering, like
• 25:46
  Speaker 2: how this situation happened, what was said?
• 25:49
  Speaker 1: What was the context? And I was like, okay, I
• 25:51
  Speaker 1: believe I even said, like did this happen?
• 25:53
  Speaker 2: Yes?
• 25:53
  Speaker 1: You know. It was more of like a coming in
• 25:55
  Speaker 1: from like a wanting to understand as opposed to like
• 25:58
  Speaker 1: finger pointing or blame yeah, anything like that. I'm like, okay, cool,
• 26:01
  Speaker 1: Like I just want to like I want to learn,
• 26:02
  Speaker 1: I want to understand, and like what can we do
• 26:04
  Speaker 1: from here? Yes, and what can we do next time
• 26:06
  Speaker 1: that would feel better for both? Yeah, And that's the
• 26:09
  Speaker 1: conflict resolution. It really is.
• 26:11
  Speaker 2: So I hope that's really helpful for anyone listening, because
• 26:14
  Speaker 2: hard conversations are something that you cannot not avoid, like
• 26:17
  Speaker 2: you have to have them, and if you don't, and
• 26:19
  Speaker 2: you're always going to be the nice girl that takes
• 26:21
  Speaker 2: all the responsibility, you are just disservicing yourself. You're abandoning yourself,
• 26:26
  Speaker 2: and you're going to feel the resentment. You're going to
• 26:27
  Speaker 2: feel the sadness, you're going to feel lonely, You're going
• 26:29
  Speaker 2: to feel disconnected. You're not going to have the relationships
• 26:32
  Speaker 2: that I know that you desire, So honor yourself and
• 26:36
  Speaker 2: do it in a kind, respectful way.
• 26:37
  Speaker 1: So beautiful. Even as a piece of evidence, it's the
• 26:39
  Speaker 1: connection will always feel deeper after you've had that conversation.
• 26:42
  Speaker 1: So much because we will have conversations and then immediately
• 26:45
  Speaker 1: like and we go deep by into the friendship. You know,
• 26:48
  Speaker 1: every single time. We have so much evidence of that,
• 26:50
  Speaker 1: and I know you feel like that for you, For
• 26:51
  Speaker 1: you who is listening, whether that be in your intimate
• 26:54
  Speaker 1: relationships with your friends, family, whoever it is you need
• 26:57
  Speaker 1: to openly communicate with and share responsibility with. Yeah, love it.
• 27:02
  Speaker 2: Thank you for joining us. And if you guys have
• 27:04
  Speaker 2: any fee or questions on this or maybe you are
• 27:07
  Speaker 2: stuck in a situation you don't know how to have
• 27:09
  Speaker 2: that hard conversation. Maybe you'd like us to role play
• 27:12
  Speaker 2: or give some advice. We have our Bestie segment every
• 27:14
  Speaker 2: single Tuesday, so in the description box below you can
• 27:17
  Speaker 2: submit a anonymous submission. Give us all the context in situations.
• 27:21
  Speaker 2: We're more than happy to have that conversation on our
• 27:23
  Speaker 2: Tuesday segment.
• 27:24
  Speaker 1: Sounds good bye bye,