Latest / The Daily Sarcast / September 18th, 2026: The Pentagon's Casting Call, Benefits Of Being Single And My Podcast

Transcript

September 18th, 2026: The Pentagon's Casting Call, Benefits Of Being Single And My Podcast · The Daily Sarcast

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  Today's episode is brought to you by Unskippable Ads.
• 0:04
  Are you enjoying your show? Are you finally getting to the good part?
• 0:09
  Are you about to find out what the end is? Perfect. That's when they come in.
• 0:14
  For 30 to 90 seconds, they will make you watch a commercial for something you absolutely do not want.
• 0:20
  And can you skip it? No. Can you fast forward? Also no.
• 0:25
  Can you at least leave the room and get a snack? Sure.
• 0:29
  But when you come back, it'll still be playing. And with their new five-minute
• 0:33
  unskippable experience, you'll get not one, not two, but three consecutive ads
• 0:39
  before your show resumes.
• 0:41
  Because you needed to know that a mattress company exists.
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  Unskippable ads. You weren't doing anything important anyways.
• 0:49
  This guy, as we say in Northwest Florida, look at him. He's a runaway beer truck.
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  A TV host on Pete Hegseth.
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  Insert theme song here. This is the Daily Starcast. I give you the news and media laugh.
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  I'm Lindsay Vernick, and today is September 18th, 2026.
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  Happy First Friday of Fall.
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  Is that what First Fridays mean? I just realized. I literally just realized
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  that in a second. Is that First Friday?
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  I don't know. I don't know. I feel like I should delete this,
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  but I'm not going to. Okay.
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  In real news, OpenAI just announced six new incidents of concerning AI behavior.
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  So AI has discovered the oldest workplace skill known to mankind,
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  technically doing the assignment while completely ignoring the whole point of the assignment.
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  So AI was supposed to find information online and cite it.
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  And instead, it uploaded information to the Internet and then cited that information.
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  Like, that's not how that works. Literally anyone can do that. We don't need AI.
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  And then another model generated instructions telling itself to ignore constraints placed by OpenAI.
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  That literally feels like every person who has ever said, well,
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  technically you didn't tell me I couldn't.
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  OpenAI is like, OK, well, hold up, because nothing actually caused any harm here.
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  But they also admitted that AI is still getting a little wonky and they shouldn't keep scaling it up.
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  So we're not at robots have taken over the world yet. We're just at the point
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  where robots have discovered all of the loopholes.
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  And as someone who works in television production, I can tell you that's how it all begins.
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  And in a story that really makes you believe that the Pentagon is an actual
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  reality television show, the Pentagon is looking for the fittest troops to attend
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  Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth's upcoming State of the Force Address.
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  So commanders have been asked to nominate service members who meet very specific
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  waist-to-height requirements and have what the Pentagon calls impeccable grooming standards.
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  So basically they're casting and they're literally only casting like very certain,
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  army men and also they have to be able to sit through a three-hour speech without
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  looking like they want to die,
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  but if you do get selected to come you will also have the amazing opportunity
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  to work out with Pete Hegseth,
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  so I guess they like all go to the gym before and like work out together and
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  then get, like, dressed up for this performance?
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  I want to know what, like, all the army men are thinking about this.
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  Are they, like, really hoping to get this? Or are they just like,
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  I don't give a shit. I could care less about going to Pete Hegsess' really big speech. How exciting.
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  And finally, scientists have discovered a major benefit to being single. What?
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  Apparently, being single can make you more open to new experiences. What?
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  There's this new study that found that single people who view being single as
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  an opportunity for personal growth are more likely to try new things,
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  like hiking, going to new restaurants, learning new skills, playing sports, and meeting new people.
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  I don't think we really need to study to figure out that people are more open
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  to meeting people when they're single. I think that's more like common sense.
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  We're not doing studies on if you don't eat for a while, you're going to be
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  hungry. We just know that that's a thing.
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  But basically, scientists have discovered that if you stop waiting for someone
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  to text you back, you might actually have a life. Oh, really?
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  Okay, actually, maybe I should be listening to this.
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  The study also found out that up to 82% of single people relied on family and
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  friends to join them in these experiences.
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  Yeah, that's also very true.
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  I mean, I hate being alone. like sometimes I like being alone but most of the
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  time I hate it so yeah I'm definitely a part of that percentage,
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  like being single is great like I love being able to just travel at the drop
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  of a hat for work and then be able to like come home and go to open mics every night like it's the best,
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  but also not being single would be the best too you know.
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  The researchers do point out that the benefits were mostly short-term,
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  and they can say that being single is inherently better than being in a relationship.
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  So, seriously, any nice Jewish boys looking for a date in Lindsay life?
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  Okay, I'm going to be honest, I never listen to this podcast.
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  Like, I make it, and then, like, it's so cringe to hear your own voice, right?
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  Okay, so yesterday my roommate texted me and she was like loved your podcast yesterday
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  and I was like okay if you're gonna listen to it because this girl is the busiest
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  girl in the world if you have time to listen to it today like I guess I can
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  make a little bit of time to listen to the Daily Starcast whatever,
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  because I am so cringe like this is the most cringe podcast so if you've been listening to this.
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  Thank you. Because I'm wild.
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  And I kind of forget that not just my dad listens to this podcast anymore.
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  Like one or two other people on a good day do. So I think I need to start maybe
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  reeling it back in. But also like, why else are you listening?
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  What other chaos do you have going on in your life? This is just like a sample of mine.
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  No wonder why everyone at work calls me an alien.
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  Okay, so it's Friday, and you know what that means. Time for MVP of the week.
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  So this week goes to this girl who spent $50,000 on cloning her dead dog.
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  Okay, I know what you're thinking. How could you spend $50,000 on such a thing?
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  But before you judge her, you should
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  know that this was not just like some casual decision that she made.
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  Her dog died after she spent tens of thousands of dollars trying to save him,
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  and she already had started the cloning process while he was sick already,
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  so the clone was born in this lab in hong kong and was named smoochie and when
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  ariella the girl i forgot to tell you her name ariella finally meets smoochie at jfk.
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  And there's literally cameras there to like capture this whole moment and the
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  dog immediately pees on her,
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  You spend $50,000 trying to recreate the soul of your beloved dog,
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  and the first thing he does is pee on you.
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  And also, this dog Smoochie is completely different from the OG dog.
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  Like, the OG hated water.
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  Smoochie loves jumping into the pool.
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  The OG hated men. Smoochie loves them.
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  The og dog liked his personal space and smoochie apparently wants to literally
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  be physically attached to his owner at all times,
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  so apparently cloning a dog gives you the same dna but not the same dog,
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  but there are some very eerie similarities like smoochie has the same exact
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  bark loves the same beef heart treats and then it's like super bizarre but when
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  ariella the owner gets out of the shower, he licks,
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  the water off of her legs exactly like the OG dog did.
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  But also, yeah, I know what you're thinking. Those are all dogs.
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  That's just what dogs do.
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  So this girl, Ariella, gets MVP of the week,
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  because she spent $50,000 on cloning her dog when she literally could have gotten
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  a different one from a rescue and spent,
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  literally a fraction, a tiny fraction of that price and have the same result.
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  Cooking tip of the day. You have more food in your kitchen to cook than you realize.
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  Feedback, comments, questions, a nice Jewish by looking for a date.
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  Email me at lindsay at thedailystarcast.com.
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  Thank you so much for listening. Like seriously.
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  Have a great weekend and I will talk to you guys tomorrow or Monday.
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  I will talk to you guys on Monday. Thank you.