Latest / Friendship IRL: Real Talk About Friendship, Community, and What It Actually Takes / How to Make Mom Friends When the Village Doesn’t Just Appear with Molly Menning

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How to Make Mom Friends When the Village Doesn’t Just Appear with Molly Menning · Friendship IRL: Real Talk About Friendship, Community, and What It Actually Takes

• 0:00
  Podcast Intro/Outro: All right, gang. Here's to nights that turn into mornings and friends that turn into family. Cheers. Hello, hello, and welcome to the Friendship IRL podcast. I'm your host, Alex Alexander. Each week we talk about what is working(and what is not) in our friendships, community and connections. Have you ever wished you could sit down and have a conversation about what is really going on in your friendships? Well, you found your people. Join us as we dive into real life stories and explore new ways to approach these connections. Together, we're reimagining the rules of friendship
• 0:57
  Alex Alexander [Narration]: I was just scrolling Instagram as one does, one afternoon when a reel stopped me mid-scroll, it was nothing that special.
• 1:05
  Alex Alexander [Narration]: Honestly, was kind of messy. It was a front yard, trikes and bikes, chalk everywhere, toys strewn across the grass, a water table, picnic tables with snacks, and on the screen there was some text, and it said, "Not to be dramatic, but starting a weekly drop-in play group for local moms has cured my loneliness as a stay-at-home mom. And it hit me a little bit.
• 1:32
  Alex Alexander [Narration]: I have friends who are stay-at-home moms. I know from their stories how hard it is to be at home with kiddos all the time at a time where everybody's telling you go make mom friends, but how? Now the caption of this reel, it continues. She goes on to talk about how community doesn't just find you; you have to make it happen. She started hosting weekly casual play dates at her house with a "come as you are" vibe. She makes some coffee, puts out snacks for the kids, lets the littles run around wild while the moms chat, and she says it has become the best part of her week. And immediately, I'm thinking to myself, "Wait, this is a perfect episode" because often some of the best episodes I think are the ones that are the most actionable. So I commented immediately. I was like, "Hey, 100% serious. Any interest in coming on my podcast and talking about how you make this happen?" This comment I actually messaged the gal later and was like,"Hey, I'm so sorry because I feel like your comment section has now become this place where everybody's asking about my podcast." Everybody's like,'Yes, make this episode." We have hundreds of likes on this comment, so I know people want it. Luckily, this gal said yes, and here we are. Today's guest is Molly. She's the mom of two girls living in Michigan who is always looking for simple ways to make childhood and motherhood more whimsical and intentional.
• 3:10
  Alex Alexander [Narration]: She's passionate about building community, tapping into low-effort creativity, and romanticizing the everyday. You can usually find her exploring every coffee shop in her city, wandering through yet another thrift store, or throwing a tea party picnic, just because she can. She also, as I discovered mid-episode, hosts seasonal toddler book clubs. Can't wait for you to hear about these, which I did not know, but honestly, that made this episode twice as good. I wanted Molly to come on because I could see immediately why this would be life changing for a mom. I've already mentioned, right? Think about this advice that gets passed around for how moms are supposed to make friends: join a mom group, make friends with the other preschool moms. So we're waiting a few years. That's some lonely years. And then when you go to make those preschool mom friends, you maybe just only see them for a few minutes at drop off and pick up, meet people at the playground where you're on high alert because your kids are climbing something, learning how to swing for the first time, learning how to go down the slide, or running full speed towards the edge of the park, and you're chasing after them, yelling, "Sorry, be right back.
• 4:29
  Alex Alexander [Narration]: I'll finish that thought." If you're even yelling that, honestly, you're just running
• 4:34
  Alex Alexander: A recurring hangout in somebody's yard or in away.
• 4:38
  Alex Alexander: somebody's living room where everything is contained and childproof, and there's a water table, there's some bikes and trikes and scooters and chalk and snacks that are already out, where you and the other moms can actually sit down and maybe finish a sentence because this.
• 4:57
  Alex Alexander: Is already a childproof environment." I think that is just a fundamentally better way to make mom friends than most of what general societal advice tells you to do. So let's dive into today's episode.
• 5:17
  Alex Alexander: Hi, Molly. Thank you so much for being here and for just saying yes to a random person on the internet.
• 5:23
  Molly Menning: Hi, Alex. Thank you so much for having me and for reaching out to a random person on the internet. You know, bringing the social back in social media.
• 5:32
  Alex Alexander: Yeah, you know, I talk about a lot. Like, you can meet all sorts of great people on the internet if you are willing to just put yourself out there, and like, sure, some people don't reply. I had no clue if you were gonna even respond to my comment or whatever. I also think you were really brave because you were talking about something that I guess is like kind of vulnerable in some ways. "Maybe not. The message you put out there wasn't quite as vulnerable, but like the under layer of it was." Which I mean, I should tell people about your post.
• 6:04
  Alex Alexander: Basically, you posted not to be dramatic, but starting a weekly drop-in play group for local moms has cured my loneliness as a stay-at-home mom," and that's what we're going to talk about today.
• 6:19
  Molly Menning: Yeah, I'm so excited. I'm very passionate about this subject, and just helping other moms get past that lonely feeling and really put themselves out there because, just like you said, it is very vulnerable and it feels very hard, especially when you're in the thick of the little years.
• 6:35
  Molly Menning: So I'm so excited for our conversation.
• 6:37
  Alex Alexander: Me too. So tell me a little bit about your journey as a stay-at-home mom.
• 6:40
  Alex Alexander: Like, have you always been a stay-at-home mom? I know you have two kiddos.
• 6:46
  Molly Menning: Yeah. So with my first, I had her. I stayed home with her for a little bit when she was a baby. And something about just when you're a new mom and you have one baby, it actually is pretty easy to make mom friends because a lot of other people are in that same season of life, and there's so much catered to new moms and newborns. So I met a lot of my great mom friends through a newborn group, and it felt a little bit easier at that stage because there are so many resources for babies and mothers, and it's just so easy to like take a little baby along with you. And so then, when she was a little bit older, I put her into daycare and I went back to work part time. And again, I feel like it was just a little bit easier to make schedules work. And I felt okay because I was working. She was, you know, in school part time. Felt like we had a good rhythm going. So fast forward to when I had my second daughter. I pulled back from work. I decided to become a full time stay-at-home mom. I had my older daughter at home with me, and it was the first experience of becoming like a true stay-at-home mom. You know, having two kids, I was doing the thing, and all of a sudden, the loneliness just like whacked me in the face. I feel like it was just very shocking to me. I knew, you know, obviously staying at home with kids can be hard. I had heard that before, but I don't think I had heard a lot of people talk about how lonely it can feel because a lot of those moms that I had met, like my core mom group friends, they all went back to work, or you know their kids were in school because they were all a little bit older, and I was actually one of the only ones that I knew that stayed home, and so you know we would get together on the weekends or maybe in the evenings, but that time when you're home alone with your kids during the day can feel just very lonely, very draining because you know as fun as little kids are, it's also hard as many of us know, and you go out and about to libraries and bookstores, play spaces, all the things, and you might talk to another mom here or there, but making those real connections and having like consistent connections can feel very hard. And I was also coupling that with postpartum depression as well with my second. So it was just a very hard season of life, and I finally came to a point where I was like, something has to change, or else you know I don't know how I'm gonna get through this.
• 9:06
  Alex Alexander: Yeah, I have so much compassion for my mom friends because you hit on so many things here. Like number one, everybody's told like make mom friends, but there's a lot of nuance to that, as you were saying, right? Like, if you have a five-year-old or a 12-year-old, that's very different than having a two-year-old. Their schedules are different. Now you're a stay-at-home mom with two kiddos, and that also impacts scheduling. Like, if you try to make play dates for your toddler, but your infant has to nap. Now you're also having to discuss, like, okay, well, are they napping at the friend's house? Should you come here?
• 9:50
  Alex Alexander: Does your kiddo also need a nap?
• 9:50
  Alex Alexander: Where are we putting separate pack and plays? Like, there's a lot of logistics when I watch my mom friends talk about finding other mom friends, and so there's got to be some loneliness just in that of like, wow, it looks like we should align, but logistically, this just feels so hard.
• 10:14
  Molly Menning: Yes, exactly.
• 10:17
  Alex Alexander: Ugh. Okay, so you are in the situation where the loneliness is just like really weighing on you, where did the idea of the recurring play dates, I guess, come from?
• 10:34
  Molly Menning: What's really funny is you know I was feeling pretty much all of last year the whole time when my youngest daughter was a baby, I was feeling that overwhelming, almost like sinking feeling of loneliness. And I feel like the idea to start a play group came in and out because I would meet up with other stay-at-home mom friends. Which again, at the time, I really didn't have too many other friends who also stayed home like myself. Or if they did, just like you said, their kids had different schedules. We weren't meeting up consistently, and I feel like I had seen play spaces and other places hosting weekly play groups or weekly, you know, mom meetups, things like that. And just like you said, it's hard when you're planning on a baby's nap. It's hard to like go somewhere new, away from the house or to an unfamiliar place when you're trying to juggle schedules, and I knew from in the past it just can feel so much more comfortable to just like go to another mom's house.
• 11:31
  Molly Menning: She has you know all of the supplies there. They have pack in plays. They might have you know bottles or whatever you need, and it can feel very overwhelming to try to plan a coffee date or something like that. And I had had the idea, but honestly, I just really let fear hold me back for so long, for several months. And then at the beginning of this year, beginning of 2026, I started the new year, and I'm like not much of a New Year's resolutions person, I don't really make a lot of goals for myself, but I knew this was the one goal that I absolutely had to commit to, and it was just to really prioritize building community and building my village because I really don't live near a lot of family, so I don't really have that strong, you know, built-in family village. I have to make it myself, and I knew that other moms were also looking for that because I knew a lot of other moms who were in the same boat who didn't have family nearby, and I just decided to go for it. And whatever happened would happen.
• 12:30
  Molly Menning: So I just texted a few of my stay-at-home mom friends, even the ones who didn't stay home, to see if they wanted to forward it to anybody they knew, and it just took off from there.
• 12:42
  Alex Alexander: So, what was that first text like? What did that say? Was it just like,"Hey, my house is open Monday from here to here. Come if you want to." Did you ask for an RSVP? Did you tell them what you would provide? Like, what was in that first message?
• 13:00
  Molly Menning: Yeah. So I knew that the only way to really make this work was to make it very casual because I am someone who's like there's no in between them. Either going all out with a themed party and like you know all the decorations, or it's like come over to my messy house exactly as you are, drop-in style, and that's the route that I knew I had to take for this particular you know weekly thing, or else I wasn't gonna keep up with it. So I did make an invite because I mean I love a Canva invite. I love a cute little design. I feel like it brings me back to my roots and communication. I think it's memorable.
• 13:33
  Alex Alexander: I think it's great.
• 13:34
  Molly Menning: Exactly. It's and it's fun and it's easy. So I made a cute little simple easy toddler, or I think it just said let's play. I made a little invite that said "Let's play" with the details of my address.
• 13:43
  Molly Menning: I wrote "Join us for a weekly play date." You know, bring littles of any ages. We'll have coffee for the moms, snacks for the kiddos, and I think I did say RSVP, but in a casual way.
• 13:55
  Molly Menning: Just like let me know if you're able to join. Invite whoever. I always had that at the end was just invite whoever, and so I just blasted it out to pretty much everyone I knew. I even sent it to mom friends that I maybe wasn't super close with or didn't see very often because again I knew that if I just put the invite out there, eventually people would show up.
• 14:16
  Alex Alexander: Yeah, I mean I love that because you never know, right? Even you're saying like that mom friend that probably isn't going to show up, or that mom friend that maybe isn't available midday on a Monday because they work. They might have another mom friend who is a stay-at-home mom that maybe has mentioned to them how lonely they are, and maybe they'll pass it on. How delightful! Did you have many people that you didn't know show up?
• 14:47
  Molly Menning: Not at first, because it can feel very hard and very vulnerable to even like start something new like that.
• 14:54
  Molly Menning: To I feel like it feels vulnerable even to host people you do know. Yeah, and,it also feels vulnerable to go to someone's house that you don't even know. So the first step was really just getting people I did know. But again, it was actually the first few people to show up were people that I didn't see very often. Moms that maybe we had tried in the past to meet up, and schedules were just hard, and you know neither of us were really taking the initiative to plan meetups or things. So the first few moms who showed up were ones that I was honestly like reconnecting with, ones that I maybe wasn't super close with. Who now, over the course of several months, we've become close again because of this consistent face-to-face meetup. And then from there, a lot of them invited moms that they knew, and so it just kind of grew from there. And you know, eventually, when I put out that post on the internet, it kind of resonated with a few moms in the area. I even had a couple moms reach out from the internet, like you said. I love it, and I love that. I'm obsessed with just meeting random people and you know, growing friendships. I love like that's my favorite kind of friendship story is just meeting in the most random ways and making it happen, and so it's really grown from there. And it's just been amazing to see.
• 16:07
  Molly Menning: And one of my favorite parts is also just seeing moms from all walks of life, because it really was for me the most random assortment of friends that I met from different places. And now seeing them become friends has just been probably one of the most rewarding parts of all of it.
• 16:23
  Alex Alexander: So, you sent out this invite. I just want to normalize something. How many people would you say showed up?
• 16:30
  Alex Alexander: Maybe the first time.
• 17:40
  Molly Menning: Truthfully, the first time... I want to say two moms showed up.
• 17:45
  Alex Alexander: Yes. Okay. So I'm asking that. Yeah.
• 17:47
  Alex Alexander: Because I love to talk about this.
• 17:49
  Molly Menning: I think a lot of people feel like if it's not like a packed room, it wasn't worth it. And I say over and over and over again, like almost every group started as two people. It just started as like one person inviting someone, and then both of those people mentioning it to someone else.
• 18:06
  Molly Menning: That's how it grows, but a lot of people are like, "Oh gosh, if I can't have 10 people there the first time, it's not worth it." And so that's why I was asking, is because like I'm hoping people hear this and they don't feel like it was some sort of a failure if only one other person shows up.
• 18:24
  Molly Menning: Exactly, I think it's been the best lesson for me and for my daughters as well to learn that it's really not about the numbers when people show up for you. I think it's been so powerful to see that no matter how many people come, because some weeks it is like one or two other moms, and some weeks it's you know seven or eight. It's never a giant group of people.
• 18:45
  Molly Menning: It varies, and it's been so amazing for me to really see community growing, no matter what the numbers look like. And separately, there's another thing that I host.
• 18:57
  Alex Alexander: Yeah, I love.
• 18:57
  Alex Alexander: What else you hosted?
• 18:58
  Molly Menning: So I also host these seasonal toddler book clubs that I started also at the end of last year. Yes, they're so fun. They're so fun. I now do them pretty much for every season. About to have our summer one, but it was around the same time that I had the idea to start the toddler play dates. I decided to start my first fall toddler book club. Same thing.
• 19:22
  Molly Menning: Made a cute little invite. Made it casual. Sent out the invites, and I was so excited. I had like themed snacks to go with our book. I had planned the whole thing, and my husband and I were in the middle of like getting the house ready. It's much less casual than the toddler book club. I was like cleaning, you know, getting the things ready.
• 19:38
  Molly Menning: I had decorations, and I heard that everybody except for one person had to cancel, and this was within an hour of the book club starting, and that was one of my first experiences where hardly anybody shows up, and it was a really interesting both life lesson for me, and it also turned into a really powerful parenting moment because my oldest daughter was really excited for all of her friends to come over for this book club, and I had to explain to her in the middle of my disappointment.
• 20:08
  Molly Menning: I had to explain to her what was going on, and then help her manage the disappointment around people canceling and nobody showing up. And it turned into this really great lesson that, like, okay, we have one person showing up. How are we going to make that just as special as you know, just as special if it were 10 people, so it honestly turned into one of my favorite memories when my friend showed up with her little boy. We had just a really cute little play date.
• 20:36
  Molly Menning: Our kids had a little tea party, and we talked and we connected more so than if there were a bunch of people there. We get to have a really good deep conversation, and it turns into a great day. And my daughter at the end said, "I had so much fun with my friend," and you know I'm not gonna lie, it was really disappointing. It was hard to have everyone cancel last minute, but I really have been trying to really just share with my friends who might be scared to host things that again the numbers don't really matter when you're hosting things and it also, you know, I think we're seeing a lot of conversations on social media about how the price of community is inconvenience, and I love that. I am a big proponent of that, but I also think that the price of community is disappointment, and it's allowing your friends to be human and know that they might not show up every time because I don't show up every time. You know, things happen. Life gets busy. There are hard days, and sometimes people are gonna cancel last minute, and that's just life. And you have to learn to roll with it and still make things just as special, and really just give people grace because you want that brought back to you when it's the other way around.
• 21:48
  Alex Alexander: Well, especially I would say, as a mom, right?
• 21:52
  Alex Alexander: Because now we don't have just one person; we have multiple people. Like at least you and your kiddo, if not you and a couple kiddos, that are there.
• 22:00
  Alex Alexander: There's just more things that could happen that could mean somebody can't show up. We have multiplied the potential for disappointment when you had everybody except one person not arrive to that toddler like the book club, which is the cutest thing ever, by the way.
• 22:25
  Molly Menning: Oh, thank you.
• 22:25
  Molly Menning: It's so fun.
• 22:27
  Alex Alexander: Have you kept doing it since then?
• 22:29
  Molly Menning: Yes. So again, in the midst of that like really disappointed feeling, I was like, okay, I'm not gonna do it again because nobody showed up.
• 22:36
  Molly Menning: I got all these snacks. We had to eat them all, which you know, when you have two toddlers in the house, that's actually not that hard to finish off the snacks. And then I actually decided that was the fall one. I actually decided to do it again for the winter book club, and that time a lot of people did show up. We had a little Christmas-themed book club. It was very cute. All my friends loved it. Then we continued to have it again for the spring, and now we're about to have the summer. And my one friend who did show up that one time, she's come to the last couple as well, and she ended up telling me she's like, "I'm so proud of you for just doing it again," because she knows that it was really hard to go through that and to decide to do it again.
• 23:18
  Molly Menning: And yeah, it's been really rewarding. So I think, kind of like you were saying, I think a lot of people think they have to have a big turnout in order to host, and that's just not true that you know you can have one person and you can still have an amazing time and you can do it again and more people might show up.
• 23:35
  Alex Alexander: Okay, so we've now talked about kind of two kinds of gatherings that you're hosting. You're hosting this recurring Monday play date, which you have mentioned is just like super casual, come as you are, not really any planning, and then you have kind of these seasonal toddler book club events that you mentioned are a little more organization heavy.
• 24:01
  Alex Alexander: I'm going to ask you a couple questions about the logistics of kind of each one because now that we've talked about both, I think that this is really fascinating for people to hear.
• 24:12
  Alex Alexander: Of like, you can do either if you like the idea of like the recurring weekly, just easy, but that may not feel easy to some people. Versus kind of like committing to I'm going to host a monthly or a quarterly or a once a year every summer gathering. Here's kind of what it takes. So for the Monday get-togethers, can you just give me some basics about the logistics, like what time, how long, and like what do you actually do when people arrive.
• 24:48
  Molly Menning: Yeah, so when I say casual, I mean very casual.
• 24:52
  Molly Menning: A lot of times, me and my daughters have still been in our pajamas, wearing sweatpants. You know, a lot of times people arrive as I am like getting snacks out or changing my daughter's diaper, or like it is very casual. So usually they
• 25:08
  start at 10: 30. The amount of people who arrive at 10:30 is usually very low, because I myself am someone who is late to things all the time. So I literally will never judge another mom for being late to anything. So we have a loose
• 25:21
  start time of around 10: 30, and usually people end up staying anywhere from like one to two again, based on nap times, because everyone's kids are different ages. I never put an end time on it, but I definitely understand, and you know, maybe one day might do that because sometimes it is hard, depending on the season of schedules. And I know no other mom is ever gonna judge like an end time. So I usually go from around 10:30 to two-ish, and I get a few snacks. I never, you know, put out elaborate snacks. It's usually just kid snacks, and moms eat those too. Sometimes, if I'm feeling very fancy, I'll make some muffins. But usually, it's just little packaged snacks. Throw some squeeze pouches out there, and I have a coffee machine.
• 26:07
  Alex Alexander [Narration]: Okay, I am dropping in here for just a second because Molly had to step away. Her little one woke up while we were recording from her nap, and so while Molly was off getting her settled, this just gives me a minute to chat with you. First, Molly said something earlier that I have been thinking about ever since she said it, and I will be making content around this and giving Molly credit for a while. She said the price of community is disappointment. Ah, so true. And honestly, this has inspired me so much that I'm actually going to make an entire solo episode on disappointment and friendships because why have I not made that episode yet? So thank you, Molly, for that idea.
• 26:53
  Alex Alexander [Narration]: Now something that has happened in this conversation that I did not plan for, and I love when that happens, is that when I invited Molly on, I knew about the weekly Monday play group, right? I invited her on. She said yes. I did scroll through her social media. I saw all the fun trips she goes on with her family, the little ways she romanticizes motherhood, her love of thrifting. I apparently didn't stalk her deep enough because I did not find the second type of gathering that she brought up-the toddler book clubs. Love. Absolutely love, but here's what I want to point
• 27:33
  out: those are a fundamentally different type of gathering. If I had to break hosting down into a couple buckets here, there are times when you want to put in the effort, when you want to really get creative when you want to quite frankly, entertain. And I talk about this in Episode six: The Secret of
• 27:56
  Hosting a Gathering. (Hint: You're Probably Doing Too Much), but entertaining is really six jobs. One of those six jobs is offering space, and offering space, you can do that alone, and I think it is so underutilized because offering space is exactly what Molly is doing here on her Monday morning mom hangouts. It's not a curated gathering, it's not a themed anything. It is the door is open. Come as you are. Here is my water cabinet, water glasses in the cupboard. Feel free to grab one anytime you need. And that detail, that like, hey, my water glasses live in that cupboard, that matters. Letting someone into your home and letting them see that like all your snacks are shoved in one cupboard, that it's kind of messy in there, you know that you have mismatched dishes, that your cabinets or your house is not the most updated thing. That is an underutilized way to feel more connected to someone. Think about it. You go to someone's house for a recurring play date.
• 29:10
  Hosting a Gathering. (Hint: Maybe this is another mom at preschool. You run in to her and some other moms, but you've been to her house. You have a little insider knowledge. You know a little bit more about her than the other moms that she's just maybe getting coffee with. The vulnerability of offering space is different, in my opinion, from the vulnerability of planning a full-fledged gathering, because when you plan and curate and prepare, there is absolutely vulnerability in the effort. You put in all this work. You thought of these ideas. You sent out the email or the text invite, it is vulnerable. Like, will people show up after I have done all this work? But when you offer space, the vulnerability is just in being seen. People seeing how you actually live, that you're still in your pajamas at 10:30, the real version of your home and your life, not the version you stage for company. Both types of gatherings matter. I'm not telling you that one is better than the other, but I think that when we talk about hosting, most people's minds go to that kind of entertaining lane, and more of us should consider how impactful it can be to offer space.
• 30:29
  Alex Alexander: If you are somebody who is craving connection, but you feel like you cannot host because you don't have the energy or the space or the perfect house, offering space might just be exactly what you're looking for.
• 30:43
  Alex Alexander: If you're somebody who hosts really elaborate gatherings, maybe try offering space. People are out here on the internet begging for couch friends, errand friends, people they can just be with. That is a way to curate that type of friendship.
• 30:58
  Alex Alexander: Is just inviting someone over to hang out in your home in a very low pressure way. With that, I think Molly's back. Kids are settled, so let's finish out the episode.
• 31:09
  Molly Menning: yeah, we're talking about logistics of play group. So normally it looks like just a very casual drop-in style. I always make sure that people know that that's very come as you are. You can come whenever if you're running late.
• 31:23
  Molly Menning: That is fine. So a lot of people show up around noon, and it's just fine because we're usually either when it's warm out in the backyard just hanging out, or we're here in my living room because I have our little play space is just our dining area living room because I have a very small space so it's just kind of all right here. I make some coffees because, like I said, I love pretending to be a barista. So honestly, it's a good opportunity for me to just make some coffees for the moms, and we let the kids run wild, and they entertain each other, and we get to talk, and it's wonderful. It's the best part of my week every week.
• 31:56
  Alex Alexander: And how do you handle it on weeks when maybe like life is chaos, or you guys aren't feeling good, or you just like don't feel like hosting?
• 32:05
  Molly Menning: So honestly, when I made myself this commitment, I also told myself that in order to really commit to it, because I know myself and I know that if you know I'm like, oh, it feels too hard, I don't want to do it, then I'm not going to do it. So I really made the commitment to myself that if we're only if we're sick or we are out of town or something else really drastic happens, you know. If none of those things are happening, then it's happening. So honestly, I have hosted it on days that maybe I wake up and I'm not feeling it, or I feel really tired, which honestly is every day, because we have a kiddo who does not sleep. So yeah, a lot of times I wake up and I don't feel like hosting today. But then again, going back to the casual style, it's okay. It's okay if I'm not feeling it. Like I said, it's okay if I'm in my pajamas, or it's okay if I don't really have a lot of snacks prepared that day, because a lot of times people do end up bringing stuff, or as soon as people arrive, that's when the energy gets going, and honestly, always ends up turning my mood around. There has not been a day where I'm starting the day feeling bleh, and then I host play a group and I feel better after, because I really do feel like community is always, always going to feel better when you make the commitment and you make it happen. It's always going to make you feel better than if you were to just sit it out and say like I don't feel like it. I'm not gonna do it.
• 33:30
  Alex Alexander: And for anybody who is thinking about doing this themselves, is there like a way you communicate with people if you are sick or you are out of town? Like, do you have a text group with people?
• 33:39
  Molly Menning: Yeah. So that's been a big part of it. I just started a text thread. At first, I think I was texting people individually, and I was like, this isn't gonna work. And especially now that people have started their own friendships within the group, it's been really nice to have a group chat where everyone can see each other's numbers, everyone can see who else is showing up, or even share like other things. So people have shared their own kids' birthday invites or things that they're hosting, or like, hey, I'm going to this you know park play date if anyone wants to join. So it's been really nice to have that little group thread going because that way we're all able to communicate.
• 34:11
  Molly Menning: So usually I end up sending out a text Sunday evening, Sunday afternoon, Sunday evening before the Monday morning play group. I say it's happening. Who's able to join us? And people will just you know heart the message or say if they're able to join. A lot of times, I'll also say, you know, if it's inside or outside.
• 34:28
  Molly Menning: And actually, this past week, I ended up instead of my own house, I hosted it at a playground nearby, and that was really fun. Because sometimes, you know, you do just need to switch it up. Because sometimes when you're hosting something consistently, it's fun to do something a little different. So sometimes we switch it up. I've actually had another friend host one. She'll probably host a couple more as well. So it's been really cool just to be very flexible with
• 34:53
  Alex Alexander [Narration]: it.
• 34:53
  Alex Alexander [Narration]: Yeah, I feel like once you create kind of that base structure of like Mondays, it allows for some of that flexibility. Yeah, but you just tell people like new location, but basically everything else is the same.
• 35:03
  Molly Menning: Exactly.
• 35:07
  Alex Alexander [Narration]: Okay, so maybe this episode has convinced you to host some sort of recurring get together. It could be a play date. Thinking of another mom friend of mine, she has like a recurring weekly mom's pickleball night. No kids for that one. Could be whatever recurring setup you want. I really, really encourage recurring gatherings for a lot of reasons. So many reasons that I actually made an entire podcast episode just about setting up recurring get-togethers with your friends, because in a world where we are all so tired of going back and forth and comparing our calendars and can't do Tuesday, got to be in the morning. Cancel got to reschedule. Recurring gatherings are great. Somebody can't make it; they can make the next one. Plan around it. We know how to anticipate it. I did an entire episode on the three ways to structure your recurring gatherings. It's Episode 171 because I think it is that important. So, if you are over here thinking like, "Wow, I'd really like to set something like this up," but maybe you can't do every Monday. Maybe you'd need different locations.
• 36:18
  Alex Alexander [Narration]: There's a variety of ways to do this. Go listen to Episode 171 because you can use this across your friendships, your family, your community groups, whatever it is, consider a recurring gathering.
• 36:36
  Alex Alexander: And then, since we're comparing, can you give a little bit about kind of like the workload of the quarterly toddler book clubs? Because you're doing a little bit more there. It sounds like like you were talking about a tea party, and you're obviously having to pick the books. You're maybe setting up and doing like an invite.
• 36:52
  Molly Menning: That one is where I really just let my like whimsical mom teacher side go.
• 36:55
  Molly Menning: I'm not a teacher, but it's like if I were, I feel like I would do this. So that's where I feel like I I get to let my creative hosting side shine a little bit more, and it's been very fun. So that one, I usually plan a little bit more in advance.
• 37:10
  Molly Menning: Again, now that I know there's still that structure of seasonally, so it happens. You know, I don't really have like a specific month or date that it has to happen. So this summer got really busy, and that's why we're only just now doing it, basically into August, and that's fine. So I kind of do still try to keep it a little casual in that way. But for that one, I plan a little bit farther in advance. I usually text a couple different groups. So now that's my play group friends and my other mom group friends, and I get a poll going of you know who's around these dates, and then I narrow it down from there to the dates that most people can make it, and then from there I pick a book. I usually like this summer. I think my library was probably a little bit annoyed. I think I put like 20 books on hold to try to narrow it down what our favorite summer book would be for the book club.
• 38:03
  Molly Menning: I picked a cute book that kind of goes along - the theme is like lemonade - so I picked a cute book that goes along with a theme. I'm gonna make probably some lemon bars, make some lemonade, make it a little theme. I usually plan a little craft. Pinterest is where I go for all of that, so I get a few craft supplies from like the dollar store or Michaels or something. Then I do a little story time, which is so fun because I feel like I don't usually get to do that kind of thing. I'm usually going to the story time, so it's been really fun. Again, I make coffee, I play barista, I make little milk steamers for the kids if they want some, and it's just a really fun time.
• 38:41
  Alex Alexander: Now I'm jealous that I live on the other side of the country. I want to come. I want to come to that! How cute!
• 38:47
  Molly Menning: It's so fun,
• 38:49
  Alex Alexander [Narration]: and I love that you're just letting yourself be creative and have this like fun outlet that you get to share with everybody else.
• 38:54
  Molly Menning: Yes, it's so fun because especially in the season of motherhood, I you know I see online I see all those like super fun birthday party themes for adults where everyone dresses up, all their friends come, they have a group of like 50 friends show up dressed up, and to be honest, that's just not where I'm at in life right now. I would love for that to be my life, to be able to like put paper chains all over my ceiling and have all my friends come in costumes. But most of my friends are also moms. They're also busy and tired. So I was like, what can I do to really flex that creative muscle that still feels very doable, and that's what I came up with.
• 39:33
  Alex Alexander: I love it. So when I invited you on, my hope was that obviously you would share your story, what you have done today, and maybe inspire some other moms to create a recurring play date. Or my unexpected surprise today is get a little whimsy and have a little fun and get creative and you know create a once, twice, four times a year little gathering as simple and as fun as a toddler book club. But as we mentioned in the beginning, just like full circle it, I think what's holding a lot of people back is the social anxiety piece. Will people show up? What will people think of my house? Do people want to come every week? Yada yada yada. I feel like you are somewhere kind of on the other side. Maybe not fully. I'm sure you still have some social anxiety. Sometimes we all do. If you could give people kind of advice from this other side that you're at, what would that be?
• 40:32
  Molly Menning: I really think the best advice that I had to do myself, because I actually did struggle with a lot of social anxiety and still do, is really just to dive in, dive in fully, and commit before you feel ready, because that's the only way you're going to do it because I think so many people let these fears hold them back, of like like you said, what are people going to think of my house? You know, is my space big enough? What if I don't have anybody show up? And those are all very valid fears, and I think a lot of people are just, you know, talk themselves out of it, talk themselves into waiting for their right time, waiting for more time in their schedule, or waiting for someone else to do it. That's a big one. It's like someone else will do that.
• 41:12
  Molly Menning: Someone else will host someone with more friends. Someone who's more extroverted. But the truth is, like if you don't do it, it's probably not going to happen. And I've had this conversation a lot with friends that it really is just that if someone creates the space, there will always be people who are looking for that.
• 41:30
  Alex Alexander: Yes.
• 41:31
  Molly Menning: So whether it's friends you currently have, or I mean, I've met mom friends at one of my closest mom friends.
• 41:37
  Molly Menning: Now we met at a thrift store. We like exchange numbers at a thrift store, the most random place. So you never know where you're gonna meet people who need that. You never know who's going to want to show up in the future. So if you start it, they will come. I think I saw a lot of comments on my post about like, I tried this or I tried something like this and no one showed up, or I want to do this but I know nobody would show up.
• 42:01
  Molly Menning: So that's the things we tell ourselves, right? And again, that's very valid. Like that's really hard when you do something, and like in my case, everyone cancels or no one shows up. But really, just committing to it and knowing that one day they will, whether it's the people you have in your life right now or it's people who you haven't met yet. Just really putting yourself out there. I tell people, especially moms, there's always going to be like Facebook pages. You can put a post out there. You can text friends to see if they have any other friends who are kind of in the same boat and looking for something to do. You will be able to find someone. You just might have to wait for it.
• 42:38
  Alex Alexander: Yeah, just keep talking about it.
• 42:40
  Alex Alexander: Yeah, that's what I always try and say. Like the more people you tell, somebody else wants what you want.
• 42:46
  Molly Menning: Exactly. I think a lot of people misunderstand hosting as well. I think people think you have to host out of your own house. They think hosting means you are throwing a party, you are doing all the things. But I really think hosting is a mindset, and that has changed my entire perspective on it. So, like I said, I've had play dates, or I've hosted play group at the park. I've hosted it at other friends' houses where they're kind of the host, and I'm also still hosting. I really think it's just the art of gathering people together. It doesn't even have to be in your house. If you want to go, you know, host a party at the park, which is what we also did for my oldest daughter's birthday. We hosted at the park, and it was perfect.
• 43:24
  Molly Menning: It was amazing. It wasn't at our house, but it was still getting people together. If you want to text the moms and say me "let's meet at the splash pad at 10," that's still hosting. That's still being intentional about creating space for people and creating that community. And you don't even have to do the hard work of cleaning your house.
• 43:44
  Alex Alexander: I love love love love that you are saying that because I've written about this multiple times. But I used to be a wedding planner. Most people don't host their weddings in their homes,
• 43:57
  Molly Menning: exactly,
• 43:58
  Alex Alexander: and they're still the host of that wedding.
• 44:01
  Alex Alexander: So I don't know why we all think like you're saying that we can't host at another venue, like a park, amazing splash pad, great.
• 44:09
  Alex Alexander: Get a big group of people to go to story time at the library and then hang out afterwards. It does not matter where. Yeah, if being at your home makes you anxious, then try somewhere else first.
• 44:22
  Molly Menning: Yes, exactly.
• 44:22
  Molly Menning: Like I said, it's all about the mindset. It's about the mindset when you're gathering people together, because really taking that initiative, it is hard and it feels very vulnerable. But that's what people need. It's what you need, you know. I think I needed play group more than anyone, and you know, and talking to my friends who come, they really love it and needed it too. But honestly, it started for myself, and it started from me needing community, and then the benefit of that is that other people needed it too, and we all just get to help each other.
• 44:57
  Alex Alexander: Yeah, Molly, thank you so much for taking the time and coming to chat with us, and I can't wait to see what play groups and park meetups come from this episode,
• 45:08
  Podcast Intro/Outro: thank you so much. It's been so great to talk with you, Alex.
• 45:11
  Alex Alexander [Narration]: I just want to thank Molly so much for saying yes to a random person on the internet. If there's a takeaway from this episode, I think it's maybe that somebody has to go first.
• 45:21
  Alex Alexander [Narration]: Somebody has to send the text, make the invite, open the door, and the beautiful thing is that Molly showed us today that this can be a come as you are Monday morning with coffee and squeeze pouches and kids running wild in the living room. It can be one mom showing up. It can be you in your pajamas figuring it out as you go. And yes, if you love a themed party with matching decorations, Molly also showed us that you can do that too, and if nobody shows up the first time you make this invite, please, pretty please, do it again, because as Molly mentioned, that is the price of community. Sometimes we are disappointed. Sometimes there are canceled RSVPs. Sometimes we come up with an idea and it just doesn't hit, and we have to try another one. Friendship is a lot of failures. Community is a lot of I tried that and it didn't work. So it's not you. Nothing is wrong with you. Keep going.
• 46:19
  Alex Alexander [Narration]: And the week where it is maybe just you and one other person, see it as a really amazing intentional one-on-one hangout that you wouldn't have gotten otherwise. Now I have one final thing to mention at the very end of this episode. I don't know if you heard my excitement, but Molly threw in one more gem that I didn't anticipate, and that is that you don't have to host these meetups at home. I have an episode where I talk about this Episode 155, How to Host on Any Budget and Not Fall into the Martha Stewart Trap, talks all about different ways to keep these types of gatherings super simple, cost effective, less vulnerable if you don't want to host people in your home. It has all sorts of ideas on how to make this easier for yourself.
• 47:06
  Alex Alexander [Narration]: So go listen to that episode. I hope that it maybe it gives you a nudge to start something, whatever it is you've been thinking about. Go do it. If it doesn't exist out there, create it because I will guarantee you there are some other people who are looking for exactly what you're looking for. With that, I'll see you next week.
• 47:28
  Alex Alexander: Thank you for listening to this episode of Friendship IRL. I am so honored to have these conversations with you. But don't let the chat die here. Send me a voice message. I created a special website just to chat with you. You can find it at alexalex.chat. You can also find me on Instagram. My handle, @itsalexalexander. Or go ahead and leave a review wherever you prefer to listen to podcasts. Now if you want to take this conversation a step further, send this episode to a friend. Tell them you found it interesting. And use what we just talked about as a conversation starter the next time you and your friend hang out. No need for a teary goodbye. I'll be back with a new episode next week.