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How A Kinky Throuple Relationship Actually Works with Carnivale Risque · The Kink Consultant

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It's the King Consultant podcast where we're turning up the heat
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on all things kink and dating, relationships and pop culture.
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So close the door, plug in your headphones, and let's get down
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to it. Hey everyone, and welcome to
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this week's episode of the King Consultant podcast.
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Everyone re welcome Carnival risque.
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I'm joined by tank Els and Obsidian.
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They were on a previous episode because we will all be, I guess,
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educating on the kinky cruise coming up at the end of April.
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And this is not only a chance to get to know them better, but in
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the last episode, which I highly recommend, everyone checks out.
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We get through the entire episode and then I'm like, wait,
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I'm allowed to ask you personal questions about your
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relationship? And they're all like, yes, I was
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like, OK, new episode, so welcome back, everyone.
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Thank you. Thank you very much.
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For having us back, we're excited.
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We're excited to be here. I am super excited to have you.
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You are the first throuple that I've had on the podcast.
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Like I've had other polyamorous couples on the podcast but never
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a throuple which I'm already thinking of all my questions.
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But first I want you guys to reintroduce yourselves.
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I will let you choose the order. No I'm not thank you.
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Go first cuz on screen you're right.
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From right to left I am Tank. I am the husband to my beautiful
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wife here Ells. I am finishing up my PhD in
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human Sexuality, working around BDSM and the neurological
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effects it has on PTSD. That's my current mode of study.
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Awesome. Hello everyone.
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My name is Ells. I am the wife, the girlfriend,
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the lucky girl. Well, we're all lucky.
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But you know, I'm an artist. I'm an artist, makeup artist, a
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stylist, graphic designer, you name it art, that's me.
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So yeah. What is up Obsidian AKA the
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girlfriend? Grateful.
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I love these two to death and super excited to beat her.
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Thank you all wonderful introductions.
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So the first question, even though you guys are in a
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throuple right now, would you consider yourselves polyamorous?
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I would say yes, we're polyamorous because we love more
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than one person. Even though this is my wife, I
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love this person here on the end as my life partner.
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So we're definitely polyamorous or I feel that we're
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polyamorous. You do with that.
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I agree with you. I always like to say it like
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this. It's like when you're on the car
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and you're switching the radio and this station might be your
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favorite, but you also love listening to this one.
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It's the same thing when it's like polyamory.
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Like I think a lot of times people think that you can't just
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love more than one person. You absolutely can.
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How you love them just looks a little different.
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How you're there for them looks a little different.
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So IA 1000% believe we're a trouble polyamorous.
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We're navigating life together with love and honesty.
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That is beautiful. Are you closed though or are you
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dating other people right now? That's a great.
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Question. We're currently closed just we
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have so much going on in our personal lives with the
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expansion of our business and school and the projects that
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these two are carrying on constantly online.
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It would be I feel unfair for me to start dating somebody else
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because I would definitely remove time and efforts I need
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currently to maintain this relationship.
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OK, that makes a ton of sense and selfishly those are my
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pressing questions answered. It's we write a good balance
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because romantically we are a close triad, but if you see us
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obviously like we're on the cruise and stuff like that, we
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do play, you know what I mean? As far as like impact sensation,
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rope kink with other people and that aspect leaning on the
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occasional side. But so I just want to make that
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clarification because sometimes some people close for them is
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like not even that. So we do.
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We do share. Energy.
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But as far as romantically, we are closed.
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What a good way to put that in my personal relationship right
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now with my Dom, we are completely closed, even for
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play, but we're not even dating a year and it's a constant
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conversation of when we're going to open that up and share
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energy. But as you said, educating is
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different altogether. I think it's like it falls in a
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different bucket than creating that special energy that's just
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play between two or three people.
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Yes, that's exactly it. How did you all meet?
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Me and my husband met 12 years ago, almost 13 yes, and we met
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at a place called Fetish Factory which is located in Fort
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Lauderdale. I used to work there and he used
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to be one of the clients that would come out and buy things at
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the store and also party with the party that they throw every
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month. And so between the store and the
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party, we really built a cool connection.
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At the time where I right there, I didn't know much of the
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lifestyle. I just know I loved it.
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I loved the people that went in there.
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I loved everything about it. When I started going to the
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parties, I was a little shy because like I wasn't sure
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what's going on. But then I will see this man do
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all these things and you know, I was very interested.
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And so finally I grew courage and I started asking, can I also
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try these things? And so.
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Finally, she grew the courage after I asked her out for two
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straight years. So for two straight years, you
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want to go to the game, You want to go watch the movie, you want
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to go eat, you want bring your girlfriend?
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I just want to hang out with you.
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You're awesome. He used to intimidate me.
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We're 20 years apart. So at the time, I don't know,
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like I've seen him do all these things and he's super
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interesting. And also we're 20 years apart.
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I was in college. It was very intimidating also in
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the BDSM realm, like seeing this Dom, so many layers that it just
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intimidated me. So for two years, I turned down
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everything basketball. Everything.
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And then at the time me and my girlfriend, it didn't work out.
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She moved out. I did have his number because
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through the years we became friends and at the time I was
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losing weight and he would text me randomly like, have you ran?
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Have you eaten this way? Did you drink your water?
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Like things like that. I'm like, OK, so he made himself
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noticed and so single. She moved out random Tuesday
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night. I'm like, you know, it's I don't
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know. I haven't had a random night in
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a while. And I went through my texts and
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there is big E and I was like, hey, what are you doing today?
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After two years of turning him down and not saving his number
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on my phone because I used to be very terrible at that, he turned
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around because when he who text me, I used to always say who's
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this? And he's like, man, this girl.
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So finally when I text him, he played the same card.
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He's like, who is? This.
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No, he did not. But he know exactly who he Oh
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yeah. Well, he did the happy dance.
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Like, oh, you're. Getting a text.
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I'm getting a text, but who's this?
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And then like through those years, he saw that I loved
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women. I loved booty and all these
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things. So she's like, she's turned down
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restaurants, basketball games, football games, like if you see
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one-on-one time intimidates her. But she loves booty.
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So he was like, I'm actually on the way to a strip club.
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He wasn't. But I said, OK, let's go to the
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strip club. And so that night turned into
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like, forever. Yeah, I I never left, obviously
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from the first date. Yeah, now we married 11 years.
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Wow. OK, important distinction.
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How did you keep in touch without being creepy?
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That's a great question. Great question.
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So honestly, yeah, he was one of the ones that didn't make it
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into the creepy section because working there, you do get the
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guys that come in and like, they do stick around and it's a
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thing. But like, he really played this.
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He was very respectful. When he did get my number, it
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was to book me to do his girls, like hair and makeup.
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OK, That's what I do. So it was pretty like, here, I
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can let's network. I can help you out with this.
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And then he didn't do any extra. Like, you know, it was more
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after two years knowing that there's something there in
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there. And then he noticed, noticed in
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my fitness journey. Yeah, Embring picking the
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interest at that. It was very like daddy energy,
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like, oh, he cares. And he's not just trying to.
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I don't know. He played his cards very, very
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well. For sure.
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OK. I think that's an important
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distinction because I know people will leave and be like,
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no, that guy kept trying and it worked out.
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But there are subtle differences that are hard to pinpoint of
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like, it's a fine line between persistence and creepiness.
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Yeah. And it sounds like you managed
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that well. Yeah, I wouldn't.
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I did. There's also a distance of
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messages. I don't know, I like to like,
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analyze, like what makes us not creepy?
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And I think you weren't texting every single day.
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No. And we were seeing each other at
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least every second Saturday of every month at this party.
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And these parties get very personal, very vulnerable as a
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kink space. So you get pretty close even
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with your friends because you're seeing them do things that
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traditional world won't see happen.
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So we're like building this cool bond.
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Community, it sounds, yeah, within community, which is such
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a cute story. It's like an old ROM com.
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Like he kept coming in, he kept trying and eventually he went
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Uno reverse on you and was like, who's this?
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So I think that's super cute. And Ell's like get a sense you
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need a little bit of that. I feel like had he been Oh my
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gosh, Ell's so glad you're like finally texting me.
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You would have been like one night and then.
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Fun. For sure.
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OK, there we go. So, a little play.
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Yes, I took every rejection with class and dignity.
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Yeah. And it's crazy because he
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intimidated. It was so like intimidated me so
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much. And I said no.
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And after two years, I finally said yes.
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And then I completely blacked out on our first date because I
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was so nervous. I was chugging liquor like if it
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was juice. And that's the part that really
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made me like, wow. Because he could have completely
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taken advantage of me. And instead he took care of me.
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And he was fully like full daddy mode.
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Yes, I love it. It was beautiful.
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Tank, do you identify as a daddy?
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Absolutely. I have caretaker energy.
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OK, so. Actually, our relationship
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started after that as daddy and baby girl.
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I had never had a baby girl in a relationship, but I missed
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having somebody I could support and offer wisdom to and help
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them achieve in their life like I was doing in the military for
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the young men. And it was a emotion I missed.
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And so we actually started off like that.
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We didn't become intimately we intimate for at least two months
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after that relationship began. Oh wow.
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OK, so you've been married 11 years.
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How long have you been seeing each other?
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When we started dating, we eloped nine months into us being
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daddy baby girl. So I've always said I married my
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daddy. That's cute.
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That's like. So from like videos and dynamic
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into marriage, that's kind of how it evolved.
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So it was like dynamic romance marriage.
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Yeah. Yes.
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Okay, then I need to understand on this timeline when does
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Obsidian enter the picture? About 3 years and a little over
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three years ago now. Three years ago I went to this
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awesome lesbian festival. Which we're going back to, by
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the way. 2026 girls in Wonderland use the code Dummy
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Mommies for 10% off. Take your plug.
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Wait. Dummy mommies.
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Dummy mommies. IES mommies.
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IES mommies. OK, cool.
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I'll text you the info. Yeah, we'll put the link in the
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bio. OK.
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So you went to this lesbian party?
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Yeah. It's four day.
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The four day festival, It's a hotel takeover is only women,
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queer women, women identified. Have identified as long as it's
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female. Love female ish.
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You know, we love everybody. So and he was like, go ahead, go
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have all the fun you want. And so I.
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Did and I'm at the time I was married at the time and I went
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with my ex-wife and was like we've been trying to go to girls
11:56
in Wonderland. Couple invited us like a year
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prior, checked it out was like we were busy.
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That same day was my last day as an assistant principal.
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So I was like what better way to celebrate leaving the education
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system than to go ball out four days and to women meeting.
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Little did I know that I was going to meet.
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She ended one chapter that same day met me.
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I love that a lot of space was needed.
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She cleared a huge job and she was like, now I can take on
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Ells. Obviously Ells, you were dating
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other people at the time then. I was, but nothing really
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serious. It was just because I couldn't
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and because it's fun and because but not I wasn't honestly
12:37
looking for anything serious and then so.
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And because Girls in Wonderland isn't a place, like it's not
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known for a place to find something serious, you go to
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have fun, to just live life, dance, party, sweat, enjoy the
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pool, enjoy the people from all over the world.
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Like it's just a fun experience, not necessarily romantic.
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We're somebody that we go to vanilla spaces and we bring BDSM
13:00
as educators and people that love this lifestyle.
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So I'm someone that you notice at vanilla places like I bring
13:08
my fluggers, I spank, I bro test the waters.
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And that's kind of what I was doing at Girls in Wonderland.
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Seeing all of that was like amazing before I even knew any
13:18
of I actually met her through a mutual friend.
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So there's four days worth and it's the first day.
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It's like the get to know people or whatever and you wear like
13:25
different colors like red if you're unapproachable, yellow,
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take caution, green you're good to go.
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It's like a traffic light party. I was promoting the event as an
13:33
influencer. A friend of mine who also was
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promoted as an influencer happened to also be friends with
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her. Thinking of lesbian communities
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like this big. And so she introduced me to her
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immediately like, oh man, gorgeous.
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I've told her from the beginning, something inside me
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immediately was like, whoa, hold to her.
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And I turned to my wife and was like, I love to get to know her
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more and she was like, how about it?
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And so I was like, do you want a beer?
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I didn't. Want a beer?
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You want a beer? Do you want a drink?
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And so we got Coronas and gave her a Corona.
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Do you want another drink? She said yes.
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We vibed all night the whole time we were looking for each
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other because like it's four days.
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So the first day we got to know each other and dance kind of
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felt vibes the next day, like my eyes are like scanning where is
14:16
she? Where is she?
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And because during the day it's a pool party, at night it's
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prompt. So the theme is like, if you
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didn't get to go to promise your authentic self, now's your
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chance to do so. And not only that, it's like
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they have Shane and Alice from the L Word there.
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Like it's very queer centric women like vomit in your face.
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Is it like a swingers party where people are expecting to
14:35
hook up or is it like it's just a vacation?
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It's a vacation. They're definitely It's not a
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scary party. It's like the Florida's version
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of dinosaur. You'd be surprised, a whole
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bunch of women in one room under one roof.
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They are some horny girls. Yeah, even though it's not even,
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don't advertise swinger or anything like that.
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It's all girls and you know girls when they're comfortable
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with themselves and. Girls, do you like they like to
15:02
make out? It's more of a safe space for
15:04
people to be themselves more than anything.
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And then you know when liquor starts flowing and inhibitions
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tend. To so we actually had a moment
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where her wife came up to me and like I see yeah, you.
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Can say anything OK? And she comes up to me and she
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goes. Has my wife told you she wants
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to kiss you? So I told her.
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I told her I was like I haven't kissed.
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I'm a very upfront honest when I want something type of person.
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So I told her I have never kissed someone with a lip
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piercing. I was like I want to kiss her.
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I was like, I want to kiss her, do you care?
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That's the excuse. So I was.
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Literally, I'm like, OK, so we'll go with this story for
15:37
now. You wanted to kiss someone with
15:38
a lip ring? Come on.
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You had to want more that there. I'm sure there were ten women
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with lip rings. No.
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It's definitely else we we all know it's else the gateway.
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So then her wife had no idea who I was and how she would she says
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that to me and I she's right next to her and I turned to her
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and actually I was like, actually she hasn't.
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So I grabbed her face and I just started making out with her
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face, her whole face in front of her wife.
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And I don't think her wife was ready for me to react.
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But. She definitely wasn't ready.
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She opened the door to it. She did.
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She did. We were already like folly open,
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so there's nothing that we were like shy, shy about.
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But she definitely was trying to get one under me by telling her
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like, oh, did you know she wants to kiss you?
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She didn't know who she was like, oh, really?
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And like just used to started making out.
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So like awkward is avoided because Ellis just was like oh
16:33
perfect. So like here we go.
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So there was a wife and now an ex-wife, right?
16:40
Correct. That's correct.
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Did that have anything to do with YouTube meeting?
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Yes and no, not really. So she met someone also at Girls
16:47
in Wonderland for two years. We're trying to make things
16:50
where, you know, we have a kid. You try to do the best that you
16:52
can and sometimes when things just, let's just say things
16:55
weren't aligning. Yeah, and we just said good
16:57
game. But you know, I mean, you're
16:58
happy with this person. I'm happy with this person.
17:00
I even just got a text like 3 days ago from her and she was
17:04
like, you know what? Of everything, I'm actually
17:05
really grateful that you got to meet else because you have
17:08
someone that matches your wild and we're both educators.
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We're both education. She said for a long time she
17:12
felt like she held back my wild side and then also meet me being
17:16
in education constantly, like, you know, the microscope, I
17:19
didn't really didn't get to express myself as fully as I
17:21
wanted to. And like that's the one thing I
17:23
can say that she has said that me being with ills, she's like,
17:26
I really see you being able to do your authentic self and how
17:30
that looks and having someone that matches your wild versus
17:32
having someone that hinders it or judges it.
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She goes, I'm really happy for you.
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That's kind of that what I would say of everything that I will
17:39
put out there. I'm grateful for that and how
17:41
everything played out because it could have easily been like a
17:43
messy, typical queer women, messy talk situation and it
17:48
really wasn't. It actually things went on in
17:51
really beautiful ways. And I would say though I did, it
17:54
was very flirty and super awesome.
17:56
And, but we didn't cross that line at this festival.
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We took our time. She really wanted to like take
18:02
her time with me also. And so I'm glad because if it
18:06
wasn't, if it happened like during the festival, we just
18:10
would have done all that. I don't think we'll be here.
18:12
I agree, I think if it was at the Girls in Wonderland, shout
18:15
out to Pandora vets, it would have been like a hit it and quit
18:18
it type situation. And for me, I'm just being
18:20
honest and the way that I felt seeing her every day.
18:24
And there was one night that I didn't get to really see her.
18:26
Like I saw a glimpse of her shirt and then I looked she was
18:28
gone. And really getting into like
18:30
dating, as far as dating, going on our dates and getting to know
18:33
you personally, it's been the most beautiful thing.
18:35
Like since I might have always said, I've always felt like this
18:37
magnet towards you. And I want to know you for you,
18:39
for even getting into your body. Anybody can get into a body, you
18:42
know? I mean, I want to know you
18:44
first. And yeah, taking your time is
18:46
super important. They both took their time.
18:48
Yeah. Put in the time.
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OK, So else you were like the focal point, as this story goes,
18:55
right? You are the person who brought
18:57
everyone together in a way, right?
18:59
That's right. How did you go from Girls in
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Wonderland and that wonderful weekend together to being in a
19:05
throuple? What did that look like?
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Well, he's always been super understanding, super mature, who
19:11
he is and who he is in my life. So he's always allowed me a lot
19:15
of freedom. And so when I met her and
19:19
started dating very quickly, I was like, damn, I really like
19:24
this girl. It's not to be my submissive or
19:26
just like a plaything or none of that.
19:28
She channeled a side of me that like only he has in the past.
19:31
And I'm like, hold on, what's going on?
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I really wanted to explore it. So when I introduced them both
19:38
and we went on our first date together, it was really cute
19:41
because even when he was around, like we would really watch our
19:45
distance and not be all over each other and stuff.
19:47
And he actually noticed it. He's like, you know, it's OK for
19:49
you guys to. Like dominant leader daddy like.
20:21
And they're both have that in common.
20:24
And for those two energies to be able to share is honestly has
20:27
been very unique. And I know that I'm super lucky
20:30
to even have like 2. I call her Daddy, I call her
20:34
Papi. Like both of them respect each
20:37
other's space and just be able to do this thing.
20:39
How did you know it was time to introduce them?
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So I used to be a social media manager.
20:44
So social media, you know, we've done social media.
20:46
So I thought it was so funny. She texted me and I've already,
20:50
of course, like, I like you. I'm gonna do a deep dive, see
20:52
what you're about. Just celebrated their
20:54
anniversary in Vegas in June. So Girls in Wonderland, first
20:58
weekend of June every year. Their anniversary is towards the
21:01
end of June. So the timeline's right there.
21:03
You know, it's already done a deep dive.
21:04
I saw she was married. I was like, well, you know what?
21:06
It's not my business. I'm gonna wait for her to tell
21:08
me. So she texted me and she's like,
21:10
you know, I'm really feeling you.
21:11
I really like you. And I want to be honest.
21:13
I have a husband. I'm not sure how you feel about
21:16
that, because I know how lesbians are, you know?
21:18
I know how. Lesbians.
21:19
Are it's the truth? I lived there for a reason.
21:22
The community I love y'all, but y'all know y'all know y'all be
21:25
judging. So I did.
21:27
I was stressing. Like smiling on my phone, like
21:30
she's so cute. Like, I know I've just been
21:32
waiting for you to feel comfortable enough to tell me
21:34
like it's OK. So I was really stressing
21:36
because I'm like to him I really like this girl and I have not
21:39
said that I'm married and also I was being super humble.
21:43
I'm like, I don't know how much she's following or if she's
21:45
scrolled because also I have built an image on social media.
21:49
I pro Dom and all her stuff like Canada Post, my husband.
21:53
I put my husband in everyone's face every day.
21:55
So it has been a while since I really posted him.
21:57
So I didn't know how much she dove and really made, you know,
22:00
did her research. FBI baby.
22:03
You know, I, I wanted to like come off very humble.
22:08
Like I don't know how much you follow me.
22:09
I just really want you to know, like, I really like you and I
22:13
have a husband and like I said, I don't know, lesbians don't
22:17
really like that I've heard. And so I don't know what want to
22:21
do with that information. So she was like, ha, ha, ha,
22:23
laugh out loud like she's like, I knew I was just waiting for
22:28
you to tell me. And so I'm happy she's one of
22:32
the mature ones. If you're in a trouble, does
22:35
that mean you're all sleeping in the same bed at night?
22:37
We'll just all sleep in the same bed.
22:38
You are kidding me just because I like sleeping alone.
22:41
So there's nothing actually shocking about 3 of you sleeping
22:43
in the same bed. Unless now I have to ask what
22:45
size bed is it? It's a king bed, but we want an
22:48
Alaskan king. So if anyone is listening in
22:50
California, Alaskan King is the goal.
22:52
Yeah, that makes sense. I've seen though.
22:54
The big man. Yeah.
22:56
Yes, I sleep in the middle for the most part.
22:59
I am someone that also gets really hot and so.
23:01
Sometimes I'll go in the middle so that way she can get some
23:04
air. And we also have other spaces in
23:06
the house where we can sleep. So sometimes he's like, I really
23:09
need to stretch out. I'm gonna go sleep over there.
23:11
Wherever we fall at the time, like last night, we slept.
23:14
On couch over there. On his space when he wants to go
23:17
sleep by himself and he slept on the big bed, so it's pretty.
23:21
Fluent. And if I'm out of town, like
23:23
they'll sleep on the same bed and it's just sleeping like it's
23:26
OK. What's the sexual relationship
23:29
between you all? I'm sexually involved with both
23:31
of them, yeah. We share sexual energy through
23:35
her. Yeah, that's probably the best
23:37
way to explain it so. We don't really get near each
23:40
other's genitalia, but there is a lot of affection and intimacy
23:45
in our relationship. And there's lots of kink.
23:49
Yes, and I want to ask about that.
23:51
And then like shout out to the fact that intimacy and sex are
23:54
not always the same thing. Sometimes they are, sometimes
23:57
they are different. And sometimes like in videos
24:00
them the energy is so strong like you don't need the actual
24:04
intercourse part for that energy to be like so bonding.
24:08
Yeah, I would say. Relationship mine and obsidians
24:11
relationship is probably stronger than most married
24:14
couples relationships without sharing actual genital in
24:18
contact. How so?
24:20
We because of the throuple, because the BDSM requires you
24:23
diving, doing some deep diving into yourself.
24:26
You have to be more vulnerable. You have to express your
24:29
emotions, you have to express your fears.
24:31
You have to express what you're afraid may or may not happen.
24:35
And being in the coaching and counseling field, a lot of
24:39
couples do not have the kind of conversations that we have with
24:42
regards to intimacy I. Agree our communication is
24:45
pretty top tier. Like we know each other's
24:47
boundaries, we know what's an OK zone, what is an OK zone and
24:50
also a safe in BDSM. We know how to safely push each
24:54
other in a way that's like, I know this is something that's
24:56
new, but we're trying, you know what I mean?
24:58
And different things in that aspect.
24:59
And also the way that we play with her, we play together, we
25:02
come up with our scenes with her, whether it's suspension,
25:05
whether it's bondage, whether it's impact, whether it's wax.
25:07
Like for instance, we did all three of us, we did wax play as
25:11
our version of coming down from drop.
25:13
We're like more cake. So we, we covered up, we covered
25:17
up the king size bed with this giant plastic, had like 10
25:21
candles up and we were just wax playing and each other with each
25:24
other. We're very fluid.
25:25
We've come to the point where we're pretty fluid with each
25:27
other. I think for people who are new,
25:30
I think especially for like lesbians getting into
25:32
relationships interrupt on this, whether it's BDSM, getting over
25:36
the stigma, like this is a man. It's like, OK, that's fine.
25:39
Man is not going inside me. So it's all good.
25:41
We're playing with different. Like he can hold me up while I'm
25:44
playing with her. There's a lot of different
25:46
things that people don't think about.
25:47
You know, having the support, having him knowing things he's
25:51
done with her for 10 years so he can say do this.
25:54
And it's like, oh, you know what I mean?
25:55
So being able to be smart about your connections with each other
25:59
versus letting jealousy or ego take place especially.
26:02
I have to learn that a lot, especially coming from the queer
26:04
community, it's very much anti man, anti this, anti that, and
26:07
also not living with a man forever.
26:10
I've only ever lived with my brother.
26:11
So it's been like a new thing all the way around.
26:14
But I would definitely say like our relationship has grown
26:17
tremendously, our dynamic and in kink, it's a safe space.
26:20
And I think that women in general can't say too much that
26:25
they are in a super safe space with more than one person in
26:28
every area, right? You can say my bestie knows
26:31
about this, my husband knows it knows about this, this person
26:34
knows about this, But all three of us know everything about each
26:37
other, whether it's relationship, whether it's life,
26:41
whether it's kink, whether it's triggers, whether it's traumas.
26:44
And I think that in itself also increases the intimacy between
26:47
the three of us because we know each other inside and out.
26:50
Go back a better term. That is a really deep level of
26:54
vulnerability to go to. It is.
26:56
Yes. And when your partners hold that
26:58
for you, hold that safe space for you, it makes you feel
27:01
wonderful, makes you feel seen and held, and it's fantastic.
27:05
It's beautiful. OK, I love that.
27:08
I mean, that's really special and not something easy to
27:11
achieve. No.
27:13
Did it feel easy? Not at.
27:15
No, Not at. All there's a.
27:17
Lot of self reflection that goes on.
27:19
A lot of deep diving on what do I really want in relationships?
27:23
What do I want out of a relationships?
27:25
What do I want for my person? What do I want for my people?
27:28
And then going, OK, this is ego, this is an actual thing, this is
27:33
trauma. And I definitely think you need
27:36
to be more self aware if you want to enjoy the benefits of
27:40
that kind of intimacy. And I think that people see
27:43
throttles and they're like, oh, I would love to have two girls
27:46
or I would love to have two guys, or I would love to have an
27:48
extra, but they're only thinking about the sex.
27:51
They're only thinking about like that, the flesh of the moment.
27:54
I guess you could say it. I was, I'm trying to make this
27:57
sort of social media acceptable. They're not thinking about the
28:01
insurance and outs the day like we live life together.
28:03
That's every morning, every night, every day.
28:06
That means the great emails, the bad emails.
28:08
It's the good times then the bad times that when we're both on
28:11
our periods, when we're not on our periods, You know what I
28:13
mean? Of course, a lot more than just
28:15
that and. You.
28:17
Do it, you know, so it's like being able to live life for its
28:22
ugly truths. It's beautiful truths and it's
28:24
overall wholesomeness. Yeah, it's a beautiful picture.
28:27
But even just my question of how you all sleep, once you said
28:30
three people in a bed, I was like, what?
28:33
Because that is also reality of like, it gets hot in the middle,
28:36
it gets hot in the bed, in jail. The best system that we've
28:39
developed so far, we have like a three blanket.
28:41
System yeah we all get our own blankets because I don't want to
28:44
be stuck in the middle especially I like my feet out
28:47
and they like their feet in and it's like.
28:50
Things you don't have, you don't think about.
28:52
There's a lot you don't think about, like who does the dishes?
28:54
How do you guys even like divide the house chores?
28:57
So I put away the dishes. Tank usually washes and then
29:01
sometimes you, well you wash too.
29:03
I hate washing dishes, so I really don't.
29:04
I do it when I see it's full and they're busy.
29:07
But I thought of that, I'm happy to put it away.
29:09
I am like the nesting like guru. I'm the one that kind of goes
29:13
around and does the thing. I move.
29:15
Like if I have birth like 5 kids, they just kind of stay out
29:19
of my way and things just happen and they're like how?
29:22
How did you do all of that in just two hours?
29:25
That is so impressive. That's a crazy skill that
29:29
everyone is lucky to be apart. I used to like complain about
29:32
mom but no shout out to my mom. I love that she taught me to see
29:37
and be that way at home. Like I can't even sit and do a
29:40
painting if my house is falling apart and like laundry and this
29:44
like I need all of that to happen before I can sit down and
29:46
paint something. Then his thing, his big thing,
29:49
is the kitchen. Yeah, and generalize, I really
29:51
maintain my own personal space because we all do have little
29:55
areas in the house that are kind of your personal space.
29:58
So I make sure that I keep my personal space really well
30:01
maintained. And I think she does that deep
30:03
dive and then I do the maintenance, build the upkeep
30:06
until. But she does a lot of cooking
30:08
and I don't really care to cook. So of course I'll do the dishes
30:11
you cook and she does a lot of cooking.
30:13
So I don't do a lot of cooking. There are a few things that I'll
30:16
make, but those are typically planned.
30:19
Then how do you break down the financial side of it?
30:22
Three people. It's not traditional.
30:25
Banking hasn't been set up for a life like this.
30:28
The world isn't set up for a life like this.
30:30
How do you guys move through the world and handle those things?
30:33
As a unit, we are very supportive of all of our goals.
30:38
We have some group goals with our business.
30:40
The girls have Domi monies, they have their group goals.
30:43
She has her artwork and she has her online.
30:47
And so if we need resources, then we do what we need to do to
30:52
pull the necessary money to gather resources for everybody's
30:55
goal. So it does require some forward
30:57
thinking with your finances. And we own businesses.
31:00
So we also, it's not it like a retail business where I'm
31:03
getting a monthly stipend. So we are very aware of how to
31:07
use our finances to improve everybody's standing as they
31:11
need it. I love that.
31:13
And as someone who's like a fellow business owner, I'm like,
31:15
wow, of all the benefits and there's so much love and
31:19
vulnerability. I'm like having people
31:21
understand your business intimately and being able to
31:23
talk about it and being so connected in that way, I'm like,
31:26
that is amazing. That part got me excited.
31:29
I was like, oh damn, you guys have so much that you work
31:32
together in so many different ways.
31:34
That's exciting. Those are all those like
31:37
curiosity questions that I'm like, this is out of my comfort.
31:40
I love these questions. Very valid questions.
31:42
I feel like these are the questions that people want to
31:44
ask but they're too afraid to like, don't be afraid to, don't
31:47
be afraid. Ask.
31:48
It's OK. I mean that that is a great
31:50
question. A lot of people wonder how to
31:52
throttles manage with the mononormativity that's going on
31:55
in society, EM couples or EM throttles or more.
31:59
It's very difficult for them to find their own tools to
32:02
participate in the economy. So that's a great question.
32:06
Well, thank you for being so open to answering it.
32:08
I really appreciate all of the vulnerability here.
32:10
But my curiosity continues and I know, I know people are
32:16
listening and wondering the same thing.
32:17
I have a little insight into this, but okay, I've heard the
32:20
term Daddy, poppy, maybe baby girl right?
32:24
But like how do you all identify?
32:26
And if you're like me, I feel like I have multiple identities
32:29
within my world. So what would you say you
32:33
identify as? Who do you identify as within
32:36
the kink space? It's.
32:37
A beautiful question, it's a beautiful question
32:39
professionally and personally are two different answers.
32:42
We teach a class called Unleashing your Altars, which
32:45
talks about parts work and different parts as they present.
32:48
So in our professional world, we're 3 tops, we're three doms.
32:52
So we approach the king spaces from a position of authority,
32:58
technical and psychological expertise.
33:00
And that's how we handle professionally on a personal
33:03
level. I only recently started, I was a
33:05
what was called a touch me not top for pretty much the extent
33:09
of my Dom or my relational career, even my relationship.
33:12
So it wasn't until this last two years where I started exploring
33:17
what it feels like to be in a bottom position.
33:20
So that's. So proud of them.
33:24
Yeah, it was only capable because of the amount of trust I
33:26
have in them outside of that space.
33:29
OK. I want to go a little deeper on
33:31
this. First of all, did you say touch
33:32
me not top? Is that what you called
33:34
yourself? What did that mean to you?
33:36
Touch me not top is. I am in complete control of the
33:40
energetic flow in the relationship.
33:43
So if I'm going to receive any intimate energy or any kink
33:47
energy from that person, I decide when it comes through.
33:49
I decide how it comes through, I decide where it comes through.
33:53
And so that actually kept me as a survivor of sexual abuse as a
33:58
child, it kept me safe from not having to be vulnerable or open
34:03
to anybody else's idea of what they think is sexy.
34:06
So I used kink to have fulfilling relationships where I
34:11
was in total control of what type of intimacy I received.
34:14
Do you think that hindered your ability to top or Dom people?
34:18
No, I've never used a toy or a tool on somebody that I haven't
34:21
had used on me. So that's a different
34:24
perspective than just being a submissive.
34:27
So I'm very aware of the technology activities of each
34:29
one of the toys. I think it did hinder my
34:32
abilities with regards to enjoyment throughout the years,
34:35
my own personal enjoyment as a dominant, it didn't hinder my
34:39
skill sets there. There's a massive debate in the
34:42
kink space of to be a good top, do you need to bottom?
34:46
And I don't think so. But I love asking that question
34:49
because I like hearing people's different perspectives.
34:51
And your point is, you've tried the implements, you understand
34:53
the skill and technique, but it wasn't until recently you really
34:56
started to dive into the psychological side of it and
35:00
allowing yourself to receive. I did 15 years working for Uncle
35:04
Sam. So the most submissive place you
35:06
can be is that basic training or in any of these other schools?
35:10
Yeah. Like when somebody says run
35:11
towards bullets and you go, yes, that's about as submissive as
35:15
you can become. And as a student of psychology,
35:18
I understand the psychological aspects from the bottomless
35:22
position. Because I was a bottom.
35:23
I was subservient to everybody who had a higher rank on me as
35:27
they walked by. Everybody who had a higher rank
35:28
than me as they walked by was my Dom.
35:30
So you were hyper aware of power, Yes, I guess position,
35:34
yes. OK, thanks for going through
35:36
that. I know a lot of Doms and Tops
35:40
who will publicly say they don't switch but then privately
35:45
switch. Why is that?
35:46
Great question. I think it is shame and ego
35:52
mixed together. There is some shame, but I also
35:55
think that in my experience, so there's society shaming people
35:59
and then there is ego of them identifying their own strength
36:03
was being a top. And I rail against this one
36:05
because I hate the idea that a submissive is not strong.
36:08
I hate the idea that you can just play that role and be
36:12
submissive and it's so easy. There is nothing stronger than
36:16
allowing yourself to be weak, allowing yourself to receive
36:20
pain and go through pain. It really frustrates me that
36:23
there is ego and shame around it.
36:25
But I'm wondering, Tank, can you speak to any of that and the
36:28
process you went through to trust people enough to explore
36:32
this and further to that? Talk about it publicly now.
36:36
I definitely experienced, I mean, shame around enjoyment.
36:40
I mean, so for a long time I had my own personal shame around
36:43
being the object of desire I guess.
36:46
So I never felt any shame with regards to saying I'm in a
36:50
submissive role. I do think society by and large
36:53
has no concept of the power that the submissive holds in a
36:57
dynamic, in any dynamic even outside of the BDSM 1.
37:01
So for me, I am super excited and it's still nerving and I
37:06
still have moments where I feel uncomfortable saying I bought
37:10
them, but that's my ego getting in the way of me developing as a
37:13
human. So you know it's an unnecessary
37:16
trapping. And I think just even naming it
37:18
is helpful. Like naming the fact like hey I
37:20
feel these things but I continue.
37:22
On Yes, and truthfully, it wasn't until I felt safe enough
37:26
emotionally that I could begin to explore feeling safe enough
37:30
to experience sexual freedom. Well, I'm so glad you are
37:34
feeling safe and that these wonderful people together you've
37:37
all created a safe space for you to.
37:39
Explore that. They're great Doms, yes.
37:42
You Co top at the same time. Yeah, okay.
37:46
And I'm assuming that's very true then for Ells for you too.
37:49
You're being Co topped by Obsidian and tank as well.
37:53
That's right, I identify myself as a true switch.
37:57
I play hard on both sides, like I love it all.
38:03
I like to call myself greedy. I don't deny myself those
38:06
pleasures. And what you were saying earlier
38:08
about the shame, I also feel like the industry itself also
38:12
brings this weird shame around it.
38:15
Because I experienced when I, when we started in the BDSM
38:19
industry and like as a business, I would display my submissive
38:23
side. And already as a pro Dom and
38:26
well known other industry Doms would be like, don't do that.
38:30
Why are you doing that? You are discrediting your Dom
38:33
side. You're like all these things.
38:35
And I used to be like, excuse what you said.
38:37
Actually, I feel even more powerful that I can show that
38:41
you don't have to be this mean thing and to be be a Dom.
38:44
I can be both sides and still be respected as a Dom.
38:47
I can show you that I'm a hardcore submissive and you're
38:51
still gonna get on your knees for me, you know?
38:54
Completely to me everything they're saying makes them sound
38:57
more performative and they they can't flow between the two or
39:01
think you have to pretend to be something all the time to be
39:05
taken seriously. Yes.
39:07
So I did experience that in the industry and then from day one
39:10
I'm like that. This is me and I feel my power
39:13
and so yeah. That speaks to authenticity
39:16
through and through. Like you're not allowing
39:17
yourself to be in someone else's mold just because you're told
39:21
that is what it's supposed to be, right?
39:23
OK so you switch Tank is new to switching Obsidian?
39:28
No, so I am a dumb and I also switch for them specifically.
39:32
We've done like a lot of public stuff, so I'm not going to say
39:34
public switching. I don't switch for other people.
39:37
Just like you said, it takes like a certain kind of energy,
39:39
trust, vulnerability, but even then it's just not in my natural
39:42
nature. However, like you guys, can you
39:46
pull something out of me to where it makes me want to?
39:48
Like I I find myself putting asking for a certain experiences
39:51
to be like, I want to know what this feels like.
39:53
Let can we do that or just diving more into that.
39:56
Also, as a touch me not talk from the queer world who use
40:00
touching on top essentially is like we top, you know, bottom,
40:03
and that's sexually not kink wise as far as in the queer
40:07
world side. So coming from that same
40:10
mentality, it was like I got, am I?
40:12
Can I be vulgar on here? Yes.
40:14
Like the easiest way to explain it mentally was like, I could
40:18
fuck people, but I wouldn't let them like touch me.
40:20
I've kind of been like that. Stay over there.
40:21
And it's interesting because it's been a really beautiful
40:24
experience to want to have her touch me.
40:26
It's like, I want you get up all of this, you know what I mean?
40:29
Tonight. And to come from years and years
40:32
of not really wanting that, to craving that has been a really
40:37
beautiful experience. Elsa's touch.
40:39
Yeah. Literally.
40:42
Literally. Honestly, it's been beautiful
40:45
watching their or witnessing their walls kind of melt away.
40:51
And I feel like part of that shame or the thing that they're
40:55
holding on to is kind of like they've been hurt or taking them
40:58
manage of or in the past. So it's kind of like they don't
41:01
want to be hurt or feel like you have one over them or something.
41:05
And I think that with me, they even if I'm topping them, they
41:08
don't feel like I'm like like here I am on top of you.
41:12
And to me it's an honor. To me, I feel honored and I feel
41:16
like super grateful that they feel safe to even display that
41:21
side of them that very much has been there and now they feel
41:26
safe with me and I love that. It's about the shared connection
41:30
like you find connection. I would say that especially when
41:33
it's like sexual or like in that area, because I would say
41:36
day-to-day, like for me, I don't you we're leaders, like we're
41:40
the ones in the meetings, doing the calls, making sure this is
41:42
the our friends call me admin daddy, like taking this what we
41:46
do at organize. I used to be assistant
41:48
principal. So for me, like discipline,
41:50
leading this that has been my whole life.
41:52
It's something that just comes supernatural to this is what
41:55
needs to happen. This is what need to do to make
41:56
it happen, to get it done, you know?
41:58
So being able to explore the opposite with them has been
42:02
truly beautiful like. Turning your brain off not.
42:06
Not even turning my brain off because my brain is always on.
42:08
Like I would say one time you got me real good to where I
42:11
didn't have to. We're working on her and
42:13
relaxing. Like these goggles, these ski
42:17
goggles on me and it took away like being able to see, being
42:20
able to hear. All of you guys are not working.
42:23
The first time that happened a while back, it was a really
42:26
beautiful moment for me personally because that's when I
42:29
was like, I really just need to let go of the ego.
42:31
I really just need to settle in. I would say for the soft
42:36
switches out there, they make, let's say you're the you're a
42:39
Dom and you're soft switching or you're switching for your
42:41
partner. Being able to actually let go
42:43
and get into that moment and feel it truly is amazing.
42:46
Having that trust with your partners.
42:48
Again, amazing. And it doesn't discredit you if
42:51
you've been a Dom for 10 years and you're like, I want to feel
42:53
this. That doesn't mean you're not a
42:54
Dom. It just means now you have a
42:56
different perspective and understanding.
42:58
And if anything, it makes you a better Dom.
43:00
You know what I mean? Because now you really went
43:02
through all the emotions. But again, like I think that
43:04
people are so quick to judge and it's like, you know what, be
43:06
like this. You like that, I like this, you
43:08
like that. We provide safe spaces to
43:10
experience of each other. Nothing.
43:12
That's beautiful. Yeah, I also want to call out
43:14
that I don't want to shit on those Doms with ego.
43:18
I also know a lot of Subs who are like Oh my Dom can only be a
43:21
Dom if they switch, they're not a real Dom.
43:23
That's part of the shame. Like, yeah, yeah, that's part of
43:27
like where the industry came at me with that.
43:29
They're like, you're going to get clients that won't come to
43:31
you because they see your submissive side.
43:34
But I'm just like OK, not. My client and they don't
43:36
understand videos of yeah and yeah, I was just challenged to
43:39
that, you know. I mean, to each his own is
43:41
whatever you're into, but that didn't stop me from my own
43:45
experience or even recognizing that those clients are not for
43:48
me. So what I have all these other
43:50
beautiful clients that are not going to discredit my Dom side
43:54
because they see that I'm like a huge.
43:56
Bottom I could honestly say the only doms out there because I
44:00
like to leave people alone, whatever.
44:02
But if I were to have any type of angry eyebrows would probably
44:05
be the ones that read a book and then call themselves a Dom.
44:08
And you haven't taken a course, you haven't experienced it, you
44:10
haven't went through, you haven't even seen a dungeon.
44:12
You don't own a toy. But because you have theory, you
44:15
feel like you have this. That's the only ones that I'm
44:17
like. OK, fair.
44:19
You need. Experience, you know you need to
44:21
have that even if it's with yourself or with someone else.
44:23
I'm talking about like the brand new doesn't even capitalize the
44:27
word D and Dom doesn't know like basics.
44:30
You know what, I agree with you, except I will say I am grateful
44:33
if they've at least read a book. But don't call yourself a master
44:42
then No, absolutely not. Like the title thing is really
44:46
funny that we attach ourselves to it.
44:48
And I always say a title or a label is a good place to start
44:52
with research. It gives you a starting point to
44:55
Google and then you learn more about yourself and you find it.
44:57
And you might just be a top, you might not be a Dom at all.
45:00
And that's speaking on the physical side versus the
45:02
psychological side. And if you don't understand
45:04
that, please pick up a book because you'll learn it there.
45:07
But yeah, I hear you. I'm just like, no, Obsidian.
45:10
If they've just read a book, I'm going to be a little bit
45:13
grateful because there are so many people who here in society,
45:17
like culturally, it's sex to be a Dom.
45:19
Women want doms. I'm going to call myself a Dom.
45:22
And I see these people at parties too.
45:25
I ask this question, my favorite question is, and it's not
45:28
judging. I just say, like, what porn do
45:29
you want? Because if they're watching
45:31
vanilla porn and I have this sense that they're not really
45:34
into kink at all, they just think this is an easy way to
45:36
pick up women. That's my litmus test type of
45:39
question. And you'd be surprised how many
45:41
people I meet who it's like, well, I like that there's a
45:43
group of people I can meet, and that's fine.
45:45
But also, again, don't call yourself a Dom.
45:47
Just say you're here to explore, right?
45:49
Like that's what I'm getting at, OK.
45:51
I agree that's the one. Like don't call yourself master
45:54
of just because you read a book. Just no.
45:58
It's just that at least read the book.
45:59
That's crazy valid valid. I'm excited.
46:03
If people have done any research at all, I'm like, all right, we
46:06
are on the right path. OK, question for you all.
46:09
When things are going well, it sounds like they go great, but
46:11
how do you navigate conflict? Conflict resolution.
46:15
Baby. We do really good at being able
46:18
to call it actually. She's pretty in tune with both
46:21
our energies to where even if I don't say anything or he doesn't
46:24
say anything, she can kind of pick it up and be like, let's
46:27
talk about. It I have a keen eye.
46:30
Let's have a hot seat. You want to put the hot seat?
46:32
We've got a hot seat as well. So, you know, if you're not
46:35
necessarily contributing the way you said you were going to
46:38
contribute, then we will sit one of us down in the hot seat.
46:42
But we do it in a time where we say, are you open to receive?
46:46
You know, we need to talk. Yeah.
46:47
Are you in a place where you're open to receive information
46:50
that's going to sting? And we do allow for those
46:53
moments like, I'm not ready to receive that information.
46:56
Like I'm just, I'm going to be combative or I'm going to be
46:58
restrictive. I'm not not open minded at the
47:00
moment to receive that information and so we'll hold
47:03
it. But everybody here is great
47:05
about holding that accountability too with regards
47:07
to OK, we haven't talked about it in 24 hours, but we need to
47:10
discuss it. And so then we like all right,
47:12
at that point, we usually go, all right, break out the hot
47:14
seat and then we actually have a chair one of us sits on.
47:18
One of the wonderful benefits about being in a throuple is
47:21
typically we're not all mad at each other at the same time.
47:24
So there's a problem here. You have a mediator.
47:28
There's a problem here, you have another mediator.
47:30
You have a person who's seeing what's happening from a
47:33
different, from an outside perspective and can go, OK, you
47:36
both love each other to death. Let's talk about what's going
47:39
on, You know, because you're not really mad at each other.
47:41
Somebody's hurt. So who's hurt and how do we
47:44
address that hurt? Where did it come from?
47:47
Where did it? Where is the origin?
47:48
Yeah. What is the hurt that comes out
47:50
or a trigger that comes out isn't even the actual thing.
47:53
It's where it stemmed from. So even go as far as back as
47:55
like tracing the original moment, talking about it so that
47:59
way we kind of know we had to address it the next time.
48:01
Usually there isn't about the same topic.
48:03
And we also make sure that we, before we all go to sleep, we
48:07
have a moment where we kind of discuss the day, how things are
48:11
going, how we're feeling, and kind of make sure that we don't
48:14
go to sleep with like some easy feelings.
48:18
OK, I have a specific question though.
48:20
Is it always a conscious effort that the three of you are going
48:24
to discuss everything? Is there ever a time where just
48:27
two of you break off and discuss whatever is happening between?
48:30
Absolutely. OK.
48:32
There's been time. I mean, the other partner, you
48:34
know, they're in that position, one of us is on the outside, but
48:38
you know what, this is their relationship, their relationship
48:41
and this is our relationship and this is our relationship.
48:45
And sometimes those moments need to be addressed between the
48:48
partners. So when a third steps in is if
48:51
we see that, listen, we're running in circles like you guys
48:54
are or we're just staying in this loop of non communication.
48:58
So typically one of us will attempt to step in at that time,
49:02
but we actually allow each unit to work through it themselves.
49:06
Yeah. And because we, we, we have such
49:08
great communication, 9 times out of 10, it's like a
49:10
misunderstanding or something that's like that, you know, that
49:13
wasn't even their initial cause of whatever emotion rolled up.
49:18
I would say the majority of time we do handle it together.
49:20
And then if, if it happened, usually I'm trying to think of
49:23
one, if I sat here while you guys whatever or even like vice
49:26
versa. But it really hasn't been that
49:27
that many times at all. And say it started coming back
49:31
from an event with the two of us together or something and then
49:34
we're coming home. You can obviously tell that
49:36
there's some type of tension. So something like that.
49:38
But I'm trying to like really sit like when it really isn't
49:41
all that often. OK, I literally love that.
49:43
I like that You start by asking, are you open to receiving
49:46
feedback? Because the worst thing would be
49:48
to start this conversation when someone's in a combative place
49:51
because you're just going to set yourself back from it.
49:54
You check in at the end of the night to make sure like,
49:57
whatever healing had to happen has happened or at you're on the
50:00
way to it. But during the conversation
50:02
point, you go back to the origin of like, what led to this?
50:06
Like, where did this start? And maybe you unravel where the
50:10
misunderstanding happened. I really, I really think because
50:14
we are educators ourselves, we help so many people.
50:17
We're really interested in psychology and all of that.
50:20
We have that to our favor that we kind of do these things like
50:24
we practice what we prayed. Yeah.
50:27
And then, but also you're probably the first to call
50:29
yourself out on it for sure then because it's like, oh, I see
50:31
exactly what I was doing. And yeah.
50:35
Oh yeah, and there's three big egos here too.
50:37
Like don't. There's 3.
50:39
Big egos. I won't ask specifics on that,
50:42
but I believe it. It's hard, especially I think
50:44
when you are so public and educate like you do have a
50:49
deeper understanding of a lot of the things that are talked about
50:52
or you've seen a lot more. So I can understand how egos
50:55
develop within that too, yeah. So a lot of ego checking at the
50:58
door. Any tips for checking ego?
51:00
Because I mean that's definitely something I struggle with.
51:03
My ego gets in the way. It's a lot.
51:04
Me. Or is this my ego?
51:06
I ask myself all the time, is this me who's actually being
51:09
inflicted right here? Is it my ego that's being
51:11
inflicted or is it me personally?
51:13
Is it the idea of this or this actually?
51:16
And being able to observe that emotion is helping tremendously.
51:19
I do that with everything, but it's jealousy, disappointment,
51:22
sadness. I try to make it to where I
51:25
observe it. It's like I'm experiencing
51:27
jealousy. Why am I experiencing jealousy?
51:28
Because this isn't that. And then being able to kind of
51:31
walk yourself through that, it just helps tremendously.
51:33
Like internally for me personally, just sharing tools.
51:36
As you're saying and I'm going through, I was like, I think it
51:38
might always be my ego. No, but I'm like going through
51:42
scenarios in the last. So you guys like that was ego?
51:45
But being able to place that, I'm like, OK, now that I know
51:47
it's ego, how will I address this differently the next time
51:49
this goes around? Or what's an honest way to my
51:52
true self of how I should address this versus letting my
51:55
ego run? That's the one.
51:57
It's like, how do you keep it in check?
51:58
Because our egos are never going to disappear.
52:01
No. Yeah.
52:02
How do you manage it? Yeah.
52:03
Yeah, OK. Parting words are advice.
52:06
What can you tell people about being in a What do you call your
52:11
relationship? It's a throuple.
52:13
It's polyamorous. But also, we started off by
52:17
saying I would not expect a polyamorous or a throuple to
52:21
include a lesbian woman and a man.
52:23
Like technically. On paper, it shouldn't work,
52:26
right? If you really bring back the
52:27
layers, you've got a sis, white, male, lesbian, Latin in the
52:30
household who's also queer. Like on paper you're like, what
52:34
is happening? What into our nation?
52:36
It's happening here, you know, I mean like, you're like, what is
52:38
going on? But communication,
52:41
communication, communication, communication and respect of our
52:44
each personal boundary. Because the more than you
52:47
respect the boundary, the more trust builds.
52:48
The more trust builds, the more communication you have, the more
52:51
communication, trust and boundaries are respected, the
52:53
better and coherency in the relationship we'll have.
52:55
How long? That all starts with a
52:56
relationship with yourself. Yes.
52:59
So trusting yourself, knowing what your intentions are,
53:03
knowing is your ego. Is this your ego is what you
53:05
want? And why are you?
53:07
A lot of self reflection I think is required to achieve the
53:10
benefits. A lot of healing is required to
53:13
reap the benefits of a relationship like this, but the
53:16
benefits have far outweigh any of the work that's required to
53:20
get there. So the tip is know yourself
53:22
first. Know that.
53:23
Self yourself. And then communicate,
53:26
communicate, communicate. Be honest.
53:29
Be yourself. Be yourself, with you, and with
53:31
your partners. And show grace.
53:33
Oh, that one's difficult Show. Grace.
53:36
Yeah. Self.
53:37
Self Grace. Help show yourself some grace.
53:40
That one's tough. That might be the toughest one
53:42
to follow according to me. Other people might be really
53:45
good at that one and then struggle with the other pieces.
53:48
Yeah, I struggle with that one. Well, Tank L's, Obsidian, all of
53:52
you make up Carnival Risque, and I'm so grateful you were here
53:55
today. I'm super excited to meet you
53:58
all in person on the cruise. A month from today, the day of
54:00
recordings. Yeah, almost a month from today.
54:03
It's going to be super exciting. Everyone, you can head to
54:06
carnivalrisque.com to meet and follow all of these wonderful
54:09
people. I hope for any of you joining us
54:12
on the cruise. I'm really excited about it.
54:14
What else have you guys got going on that I may not have
54:16
mentioned right now? We're going to Dom Com in May.
54:19
The other May will be at Dom Com in.
54:20
Los Angeles. In Los Angeles, we'll be at
54:23
Fantasy Fest here in October, right after the November cruise.
54:27
She'll be body painting out there the whole week at Fantasy
54:29
Fest. So much fun.
54:30
And then we have the Bliss Cruise in November and, and, and
54:34
and more and more. But any of your viewers want to
54:37
reach out and ask any questions or more pointed questions about
54:40
the questions they had or that you asked today?
54:43
We are a dynamic that works with other couples and throuple and
54:48
largers to help them navigate ENM relationships and work with
54:52
themselves within the ENM relationship.
54:54
So if they've got questions, they can reach out.
54:57
We got answers. I love it.
54:59
Thank you guys so much. I appreciate it.
55:02
And I love having you as a resource to send people to as
55:05
well. So you guys are doing an amazing
55:08
service answering very difficult questions that there aren't a
55:11
lot of answers to out there, at least not yet.
55:13
Oh, right. Well thank you Amanda.
55:15
We really enjoyed being on and being asked real questions as
55:17
opposed to what does BDSM stand for?
55:22
I'm so glad we got to go a level deeper.
55:26
If you enjoyed this episode, don't forget to subscribe, leave
55:28
a review, and share it with anyone who might find it
55:31
interesting. And if you have any questions or
55:33
topics you'd like me to cover in future episodes, feel free to
55:35
reach out e-mail info@thekingconsultant.com.
55:40
Until next time, keep on kinking on.