Latest / Pete Vs Anxiety!!!!! / Why Your Body That Doesn’t Remember Trauma Might Be Sabotaging Your Health

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Why Your Body That Doesn’t Remember Trauma Might Be Sabotaging Your Health · Pete Vs Anxiety!!!!!

• Pete: Welcome to another exciting episode of Pete for Exciting. My guest today is a speaker trainer and the creator of EBDT, a groundbreaking system that helps heal trauma, stress and deregulation at the cellular level. Please welcome in the one, only Cindy Costley. Cindy, how are doing today? Ever wish you had someone to talk to anytime, anywhere, matter what you're going through? Meet PsychPAL, your 24-7 AI companion, designed to help you process your thoughts, calm your mind, and keep you moving forward. Chat anytime during a panic attack on a restless night or just when you need to vent. Prefer talking instead of typing? Try voice journaling. PsychPAL listens, transcribes, and truly understands. You can even upload screenshots of tough conversations, and it'll help you unpack how they made you feel. PsychPAL keeps life organized, too. Cindy Costley: I'm doing great. Thank you so much for having me on. I'm excited for our conversation. Pete: So Cindy, for everybody who doesn't know who you are, why don't you let them know who you are? Cindy Costley: Alright, well I'd say first and foremost, I am a woman who's in a major transformational journey, ⁓ going from surviving, living a ⁓ life of survival to a life of living, and it's really exciting to be in that transitional stage. That's the number one. peter: Show ⁓ Pete: It can add appointments to your calendar, track your mood, and even summarize your sessions for your therapist so you'll never lose progress. Plus, built-in crisis resources are always just one click away. It's a privacy-first, constantly evolving, made to complement your professional care, not replace it. Ready to try it out? Head over to the link in this episode and use my code, Pete, at checkout to get 20 % off your first month subscription to PsychPAL. PsychPAL, because your mind deserves a companion too. So, right? Cindy Costley: And then I would say also, am just professionally, I am a trainer, coach, and developer of an EBDT desensitization process. And that's what I do for a living. That's how I help people heal. But my passion is to get the word out, to talk about things that just aren't spoken about. Like this conversation we're having today is so important because there's so many. There's so much that we don't talk about that's going on in our body on a daily basis that we don't understand or we might understand and we're afraid to talk about it. Pete: So why don't you break it down for us? How did you invent this whole thing? How did this thing all come about? Let's start with that. What were the leading events up to? How about lead us that way and then we'll get into what exactly it all is and we'll break it down from there. Cindy Costley: Okay, well, I'll start by kind of going a little bit over my story because I think that's super important because this is a lifelong journey. I literally became allergic to the world at age 15. So at 15 years old, I suddenly became broke out and rashes all over my body and had, you know, severe allergic reactions to all animal life, most chemicals, most foods, most plant life. And I lived that way for 34 years. I went up and down and, you know, breakouts and Pete: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Cindy Costley: I tried everything Western and everything Eastern and I had, you know, just huge anxiety over it all and just a lot of stress in my life. And then my body shut down at age 48. It just said, I've had enough, can't do this anymore. And I almost lost my life. But it was at that point that I said, I have to do something different. I have to understand more of what's going on. And so I sought out a, what I called a house kind of doctor, a doctor house, and he was specialized in just rare disorders and he immediately, first thing he said to me was, me about what happened to you when you were young. And I had had some pretty big traumas that I had never spoke about. So one in particular when I was 14 years old, that was really severe and I thought I got away unscathed. And I used to tell my kids that because I'm happy and I felt joy. But what I didn't realize is my body was actually processing all of that pain through me physically. And so my anxiety, my allergic reactions, all of that was just my body speaking to me about my traumas. And then it turned out through my healing journey that I also had been molested at age six. So I had a suppressed trauma that I didn't know about. so those, there were three at total, that's age six, age 14, age 15. And those three traumas forced my body to say, Pete: ⁓ okay. Cindy Costley: You know what, we're gonna protect you and keep you safe by keeping you away from everything. And that's when I became allergic to everything. And ⁓ through my own healing journey, through my own desensitization process, I realized that there's so many layers to our healing. There's so many reasons why our body reacts, excuse me, the way that it does. And I... have been just blessed to develop this EBDT program through my own literal healing journey and the training that I have with my practitioners. And so yeah, it's exciting because that's how it came about though, was through my own process. Pete: So Cindy, I did want to make a note to everybody listening that we did have another guest come on the show for this season that obviously at this point would have already aired that had made the same comment. They said that they were molested at an early age but don't remember it ever happening. Now, that's not really weird when you say that though, but when you found that out, were you even shocked? Because it had to be like, you're like, well, wait a minute, when did this happen? Because you didn't want to remember it anyways because that's just a horrific event in general. Cindy Costley: Yeah. Yeah. Yes. Yeah, I didn't believe it at first. So one of my practitioners, so I did a process, a desensitization process and my doctor that was working with me on this after we healed the traumas from 14 and 15, he said, you have one more. And I said, no, I don't. And he uses muscle testing. So our bodies tell us the answers we need. And so his process is through this kinesiology process and it's called muscle testing. Pete: Yeah. Mm-hmm. Cindy Costley: He said, you have one more. And I said, no, I don't. He said, yes, you do. And I said, no, don't. had a great childhood. And we dropped it because he knew I wasn't ready to hear it at that time. A year later, fast forward, I went to my daughter's house, surprised her. I was doing really well. I was healthy. I was traveling again. I surprised her for Mother's Day. And my grandson was about to turn six the next month. And I kept saying, I can't believe you're going to be six next month. And then the day I got back from that trip, I broke out in a rash from my neck to my ankles. That was the most horrific thing I had ever experienced. It was worse than any rash I'd ever had. I told my husband, I'm like, this is like pure rage all over my body. And it was painful. I couldn't wear clothes. I walked around just like not wanting to touch my skin. It was horrific. And it took us about two months ⁓ of me seeing different doctors and nobody getting to the answers for it. Pete: Mm-hmm. Cindy Costley: I would take like a steroid or something and then it would come right back. And to be honest, I sought out a psychic and I just said, I need help. need to try to understand what's happening here. And she said, your body's pushing out a trauma from when you were between the age of four and six. And I remembered what my doctor had told me. So I left her office. I went straight over to my doctor and I said, Dr. Gary, do you remember a year ago you told me I had another trauma? And he didn't remember, but he said, let's muscle test and ask some questions. And through the question and answer process, I got to the name of the person that it happened with. Still didn't believe it. Still didn't understand it. ⁓ I just really kind of was like, this just feels so unreal to me. Went home. was sitting on my bed and I looked him up and the moment he had passed away and the moment I saw his face, my body starts doing this. Pete: ⁓ no. Cindy Costley: I started ⁓ convulsing and I had absolutely zero control of any of my bodily functions for about 45 minutes. The doctor told me the next day that that was my body unlocking the memories. And then the next day all the memories started coming back and I went through it again a little bit. yeah, that's when I started to really heal it. Pete: Yeah. Yeah. You're like a PTSD moment almost like you don't you remember it comes to you in short bursts of suspicions, but your body remembers, but you don't really remember. And a lot of times that happens with a lot of trauma. People don't won't remember the moment, but they remember the feeling in that moment, though. You know, I deal with that too. Sometimes when I get into that, fear of abandonment, it's like you go back to the moment, but you're not reliving the moment. You're really living the feeling of the moment, though, you know, something similar that correct. Cindy Costley: Yeah. Yeah. That is what you just said is so key because your body is literally taking you back to that moment over and over and over again. So one of the reasons I was allergic to so much is because that six year old trauma was in a house. So I had become allergic to like carpet and Pete: Yeah. Mm-hmm. Cindy Costley: tile and just being in a house in general was always uncomfortable for me and I just moved a million times throughout my life and just never felt settled. And then at 14, and I don't want to get too graphic, but I had been given alcohol and I passed out and I woke up naked in a forest with several individuals, you know, harming me. And so I became, I was allergic to grasses and trees and molds and this was in Georgia, so it was very humid and humidity and Basically anything that was in my environment during my three traumas became a threat to me. So every time I, you know, the rain would come and it would get humid. My body would be taken back to that event. Yeah, so. Pete: Mm-hmm. Yeah, be triggered by that moment. Yeah, the smell of it or the feel of it. Yeah, I know I get you. I'm following you. That's pretty crazy though. Like, you know, because I've never heard anybody have that severe of a case of it though. Like I've heard people tell stories about, you know, that situation, those situations happening. But for yours, it's like an extreme situation because I've never really heard anybody say that they were having all these reactions to all these different things that were in the different environments they were in, which I mean, the one at six years old, you don't even remember. So that was just an oddball one because you're like, well, I can't figure out why it is I'm having these weird reactions. Cindy Costley: Yeah. Pete: and now all of sudden it makes sense. Cindy Costley: Yes, but what I will say that the sexual trauma, even though I suppressed it, that was when my brain did something miraculous. So in traumas, our brain and our body is designed to protect us, right? It goes into that fight-flight-freeze mode. And for me, was literally freeze to the extent of not remembering it. So my body told my brain, we don't want to feel these emotions. Instead, we're going to Pete: Mm-hmm. Cindy Costley: somatically process the emotions. So for all those years, I could cry over someone else's pain. I could feel other people's pain, but my own pain, I lived in complete denial that anything was ever bad with my life or heart. Like I just, I just lived joyful. Even though my anxiety was showing up as manifesting as like these, ⁓ shakiness, like it was a shaking that came along. Pete: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Cindy Costley: the allergic reactions and intensity in my body. ⁓ But I just thought that that was part of the allergic reactions. I didn't realize it was actually anxiety. all of what our body does, especially young, is it finds ways to repattern our brain process so that we don't have to be in harm's way. So we don't have to feel pain. And for me, was through, somatically through you know, a mast cell disorder. For some people it's thyroid or hormone imbalances or, you know, a million different things, right? There's a lot of different ways that our body can reprogram ⁓ and change the processing of the way that we're supposed to work in order to protect us. That was just the way my body did it. Pete: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yeah, no, I just think it's interesting because I've yet I haven't heard anybody really have that case of a situation that's saying, you know, it's not right. Like you said, it's everybody has a different way that reacts differently. So I thought that is very fascinating that you were having these reactions to these moments. Did you when you got into those certain moments where you didn't realize it was triggering, did your anxiety seem to go up even further? Like, hey, we're at alert. Something's wrong with this situation. Cindy Costley: Yes, and I never put it together ever, which is so weird to me to even think how much I normalized my allergic reactions, right? I just always thought that the physical was separate from the emotional. We talk a lot about mental health and mental well-being, when we go through trauma, it's a biological event first. Our body feels it before our mind feels it, right? So, and in that very second, Pete: Yeah. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Cindy Costley: that we biologically feel the trauma or it's expressed through us, our cells shift into protection mode. And a lot for many of us, we get stuck in that place for years and years and years until you heal the reason that you're all the trauma, right? Until you heal it all, ⁓ we're stuck in this mode of continuously being taken back in our body biologically. Pete: Yeah. Mm-hmm. Cindy Costley: and mentally, emotionally to that moment of the trauma. Pete: Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So let's get to EBDT. Okay. So when you started developing this, what was that defining moment where you realized you had something? Was it just like you were doing some things and you figured it out? Give us a picture of how this thing came to picture. Cindy Costley: So EBDT is an accumulation of the work that I did working with a lot of other practitioners. I had five different practitioners during my desensitization process and they all did things a little bit different. And then as I started to heal, for me it took over five years of me doing desensitization when I realized, wow, we can really actually heal so much faster. Our body has the ability to heal so much faster. Pete: Mm-hmm. Cindy Costley: when we combine all of those layers that I did individually. So I literally healed one teeny tiny layer at a time for over five years. But some of these layers, meaning the behaviors that we pick up, you know, that we build into our life for protection to help us keep us safe, like I don't want to leave the house, right? The identities that we take on because of our traumas and our anxiety and the biological effects, the emotional effects, the spiritual effects. Pete: Yeah. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Cindy Costley: All of those can be kind of put together in a very ⁓ scientific strategic way to heal us a lot faster than what I did. So I look at myself as I was kind of the curriculum before the curriculum was built, right? So it was built through me through each layer that I peeled away and I went, ⁓ this is what other people need. ⁓ now this is what other people need. And I was able to put it together and I was very much led to do this process. This was not me by myself for sure. This was a spiritual ⁓ involvement for me, 100%. So it was beautiful. And now I get to help heal people at a level that most people didn't even know existed. Pete: Yeah, know, most people don't think about the cellular level of things either and you know, and about, you know, the body keeping score and all that other kind of stuff, you know. So in the early stages of it, did a lot of people give you pushback? Like you're trying to explain this to somebody. I have a good feeling some people are just like, OK, yes, and do whatever you say. But it's like, well, let me try it and see what you say. You know what mean? Seeing is believing for a lot of people. You know what I mean? Cindy Costley: No! Yes, it is even still it's hard to comprehend that we can heal at such a deep level like my work we go back through timeline healing. So we go back even in utero where you know sometimes if we're when our mom is pregnant if they're under a lot of if they have a lot of anxiety if they're stressed that carries into the child and that becomes an imprint of how we behave biologically. So Pete: Mm-hmm. Cindy Costley: we go back and through my process, I heal one layer at a time. We heal the behavioral effects, the identity of the effects, like all the ways that our body changed on a cellular level because of that life event and we clear each life event. And that's really hard for people to understand. And to be honest, a lot of people want a really quick fix and this isn't a quick process. Pete: Exactly. You hit it right on the head. Everybody wants the quick fix. Everybody wants it now. We live in a give it to me now type of society. We want everything quicker. We want our food quicker. We want everything quicker. And it's like, you know, it's like they want you to be the Billy Mays of 2026 now. And it's just not like that anymore. Like, you see you don't see those as seen on TV products being peddled as much as they used to be because, know, it's just it was just hogwash. Half of just snake oil. If you really want to look at it from that way, some of this stuff just fix the temporary problem. Cindy Costley: Yeah. Yeah. Pete: You know, for some people that's what therapy and all these other things are, just temporary fixes for them until they find that one thing that works really well for them. Cindy Costley: Yes, yeah. And that's what I did. So there's no shame in it, right? It's just at some point we get to a point that we're like, for me, I've got to do it different. I knew I was leaving this planet. I told my husband, said, my soul wants to dance and it's going to dance here on earth or somewhere else because it is tired of living in this painful body. And this was after my family and I had all gone water skiing up at a lake up in Northern California. Pete: Yeah, ⁓ Mm-hmm. Cindy Costley: And I had never been to that lake before. And within two hours of being in the water, I was rushed to the hospital and I had a full anaphylaxis of the skin reaction over something in the water. And then my body never recovered from that. It was just so tired. our bodies can only handle so much, but our spirit wants us to heal. And here's the trick. I call it restoring the design because we are designed, we are created. Pete: Mm-hmm. Cindy Costley: to restore back to our original design of health and wholeness and well-being. The thing is, is we get to, and I say get to instead of have to because to me it's a gift, but in order to do that, we get to go back and let go of all what I call the woo, which is W-H-U. We think of woo-woo as like spiritual woo-woo, but I call woo-woo W-H-U, which is worldly hangups because it's all the things that happen to us in this world. Pete: Mm-hmm. Cindy Costley: that created us to get to the spot we're at right in the middle of each very moment. So by going back and revisiting that, the beauty of my program is you don't actually have to relive it. You're just releasing it from your body, but you don't actually have to relive it, which is so powerful. ⁓ being willing to take the time to go back and do that is such a beautiful, powerful gift to help you get back to your body behaving the way it was meant to. Pete: No. Cindy Costley: I was never, you know, I used to call myself the girl allergic to the world. ⁓ I won the allergy lottery, right? All these identities I took on. Pete: Can be the bubble girl. We can run down the list forever. I'm sure I can come with another one. Virginia is saying, yeah, I get it though. It's just crazy to realize that all this trauma is the problem, the root of your issue for all these allergies you've been having all your life. And then when you finally figure it out, it's damn, OK, well, that makes sense now. Now I know why I having so many problems. Cindy Costley: Yeah! Yeah. Yes, my whole life made sense. And I think the power of this is recognizing that our symptoms, whether it's mental or emotional or physical, our symptoms are a message from our body. Our symptoms are saying, hear me, know me, feel me, right? Anxiety is the absence of feeling what it is that's creating that anxiety, right? It's like... Pete: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Cindy Costley: We don't want, it's either fear of the future or anxiety of something we've been triggered from our past. And so we get to start to feel those emotions and recognize it's safe. It's okay to be in our body and to feel sadness and to feel anger. And that's when we start really healing everything. And so my process helps us to get really connected with our body and see it in just a whole new level. Pete: Yeah, yeah, no, I agree. Like when I started to show, I didn't do half things to do now. Like I'm energy sensitive now. My anxiety is almost like a superpower a little bit, because like when my anxiety kicks into place, I know something's going to happen. I could almost foretell something's going to happen. Like I wake up some nights and I have my heart starts racing. Like I'm in that moment, like on the verge of an anxiety attack, but then I'm not because it's telling me something that, hey, listen, be alert if something's going on. And something always happens that same day. And I'm just like, OK, well, that makes sense. That's what it was trying to foretell me to be ready for. It said something won't tell me exactly what it is, but I'll know it's something. And it's weird because I couldn't explain the feeling. then all of a sudden, whatever it was, individuals, something happened. It was like, OK, well, now that makes sense. Now I get why I was having this feeling ahead of time. You know, and I'm energy sensitive. So like, I'm really good at reading people's energies and things like that, too. So. you within the first five minutes of meeting most people, I could tell that I like someone or not, or could tell something's right, not right about them. Or I could read people's facial emotions and things like that as well. getting pretty good at that as well. You know, and I've always wondered what it was that I kept feeling all the time. And then like, I get emotionally drained. Like I go to hospitals. Never a good scene for me afterwards. Cause you feel all that emotion, all those people around you. But it's like people looking at you when you're explaining to them, like, Okay, Pete, whatever you say, man. you know what people get it and what people don't get it. And it's the same thing with mental health. When you start talking to people, like you could just hear the dialogue people use and it's like, you know they don't get it just based on what they're saying. Like they could sell you a bunch of crap, but it's like at the end of the day, already know right halfway through this conversation where most of these things are leading to, because I can tell whether or not you understand this conversation or not. So I'll pull away from the conversation for most people. Cindy Costley: Yeah. Pete: And I'm like, stopped even like, yeah, you're already starting this conversation. Well, I haven't finished. You've already started it wrong way. So already you're going the wrong direction. Well, I'm going to finish it. Go ahead and finish it. I know how this is going to go. And it's going to go to complete and direct reason the way you don't want it to go. And it's like, then they get mad at me. It's like, I'm just telling you the way you started this conversation is absolutely the wrong way to start these kind of conversations because you can't like you can't say that to somebody like, well, the example was like this girl called and told my boss, hey, listen, Cindy Costley: Yeah. Pete: I'm having a rough mental health day, you know, and I made the comment of, ⁓ you know, if I came in, I would have killed myself. I'm like, okay. Initially, my first question to her obviously is, are you thinking about killing yourself? No, okay, cool. I'm just letting you know, when you make those comments, those are the first thing I'm gonna ask you every single time. I get that you're having rough days. I said, okay, so what did they say to you? ⁓ well, we all have rough days. Wrong answer. Wrong thing to say to somebody, because that's not what's going on. She's got a lot going on in the back scene. Cindy Costley: Yeah. Right. Pete: And they know a lot is going on and the things that she's been dealing with this poor girl is so young. She's like 20 years old, has to deal with a lot more things than she had to deal with at that age. And then she calls and tells you that and that's what you respond with. I'm like, I asked one of them, said, hey, listen, did you say that to her? And she goes, I didn't say that. This is what I said. I'm like, all right, you already started the conversation wrong. The minute the first thing she said, I cut her off. said, you're already saying the wrong thing. Cindy Costley: Yeah. Thank Pete: What do mean? I'm I'm like, listen, I do these all day. have these conversations all day. Let me tell you right now, you're having the wrong, you're starting off the wrong way. Well, you just don't get it. It's okay. It's like you get it. What people understand it based on the dialogue you're using a lot of times. Like I said, you know, it's like you can tell and it's like you try to help people, but you can't help people that don't obviously don't want help. You know, it's like, can tell you how to better approach this conversation or you could just continue the path you're going. And it's just not the right way to go. So clearly you're going to, it's going to do what you want to do. So you just, you just keep going. I'm to go over here away from this conversation because Cindy Costley: Yeah. Yeah. Pete: Clearly we're not getting anywhere with this thing, you know? And it's so funny to listen to it too. And people are always like, ⁓ mental health awareness. It's all right, cool, let's hear about it. then you see the lack of effort they put into these things. And it's just like, mm, OK. Cindy Costley: Yeah. Yeah, and I look at that as like, I'm going to be curious. What's gone on in your life that you don't have that empathy or that compassion or that understanding or maybe it's just not been part of your life and that's okay. I think curiosity is such an important step in terms of us all understanding one another and accepting one another is trying to be curious about what's going on with somebody instead of putting our judgment and our belief in our Pete: Mm-hmm. Cindy Costley: you know, this is what we think on them. So I love that you were like, there's more to what she's saying here. Like you can't just stop and just say, ⁓ you'll be fine, right? You're going to get through this. I'm curious what's causing this. Pete: Yeah. Yeah. Or cheer up or, Hey, you know, it's okay. know, give cheer. What is it? Cheer up someone. They always tell you or, Oh, you'll be fine. And it's like, I'm not finally, I'll be fine in a few moments. Let me have my meltdown over here. I'm good. Like I melt. had a meltdown once before and the same person came up to me and just like, start adding to my com. I'm like, I don't need you to add to everything that's going on. I'm already having my own. I stepped away for a situate, certain reason. Cindy Costley: Yeah. ⁓ Pete: for you to keep adding onto it, just knowing not any better. So my boss knows I have my own struggles. There's some times where I just gotta just let it go, you know, and, now I do what I do now with my anxiety. I download my brain all the time. So I'll send some friends a random message and it'll just be complete gibberish said for five minutes straight. But then I'm good right afterwards because it's like, you gotta get the thoughts out. Or I'm in the back corner talking to myself and she's like, she actually saw me do it at one time. She's like, are you talking to yourself? I'm like, yeah, yeah. But I was like, I'd explain it to you, but you wouldn't understand. What do you mean I wouldn't understand? Cindy Costley: We're our best friend! We should, like talking to ourselves is a beautiful gift, I think. Pete: You know, know, saying like you're talking to yourself and you're telling yourself, hey, listen to what you're saying and what the thoughts are going on in your head. You know, my anxiety likes to reinvent things like a telephone game. So like if I'm talking to myself, I'm telling myself these, what is being said is coming out and I'm listening to how, how ridiculous it sounds and how far fetched it is from the actual truth, you know, and it's my way of dealing with my own anxiety and things like that too. When it starts to kick up a lot of times, you know, like, like text, like text messages for me a long time or really bad. Like I, I like, Cindy Costley: Yeah. Pete: I didn't understand the concept that when you send a text, it's not an instant response to the, it was hard for me to remember to get that down. And a of people think that's funny. like, but it's serious, man. It's like, you're thinking that you sent a text message and you think like, you know, want an instant response. Like if you want an instant response, you would have called that person and got an instant response. If you're texting them, you're giving them a chance to respond to it when they feel like responding to it. And it's hard, but at first it was hard for me to understand and I get impatient. Cindy Costley: Yeah. Pete: And I start calling the person. It's like, well, if you wanted to answer in the beginning, man, you should have just called in the beginning. Like, you just save yourself the whole stress of that whole thing. But, know, my brain didn't think of it that way, Cindy Costley: Yeah. And I think this is part of where a lot of anxiety comes from is we, we get to be us. If I'm, if I need to respond, if I feel like I want to respond right now, I'm going to respond right now. If I feel like I need time to respond, I'm going to take time to respond. How they feel about when I respond is not my problem. Right. But the moment we start worrying about me. Yeah. Cause the moment we start worrying about Pete: Yeah. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Exactly. See, you know, and that's the thing I had to learn. That was the thing I had to learn, too. Cindy Costley: making everybody happy and satisfying everybody, what are they thinking and why are they doing the way they're doing? All of our energy is outside of us as opposed to within us. And so when we stop and say, ⁓ I need a little time to think about this response before I respond, then we're giving ourselves a gifts and that's the kind of stuff that calms the anxiety versus trying to meet everybody's needs and trying to figure out what everybody wants. That's not on us. It's not that's on them to figure that out for themselves for us. Pete: Mm-hmm. Exactly. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Cindy Costley: It's doing what's best in our highest interest and the highest interest of everybody around us, but not by trying to fix or appease everybody, right? Pete: Yeah, no, I had the same conversation we're having right now. The gentleman I met this morning, this actual morning when I was doing something, somebody had called me and asked me to come, come in and talk to him. And that was the same problem he had. was like, well, I had to take time to myself. And then all these people were giving me a hard time. I'm like, listen, man, understand that if you're not there for yourself, how are you going to be there for anybody else? But you're your place of like your mom, your dad, whatever you fill that blank in, think about it. If you can't be there for yourself, how can you be there for everybody else? And like Cindy just said, Cindy Costley: Yep. Yeah. Pete: It's like I told them the same thing. said, listen, man, you're to get 10,000 text messages. You just don't have to answer them. You answer them when you're ready to answer them. They don't like that. Okay, well, I guess they're going to have to get over it. You know, are they going to get mad? They'll get mad. Okay, so what? I took time to myself. You can't respect my space. Obviously, that's a boundary you need to set and tell them, hey, listen, when I tell you if I'm not answering you, I'll answer you when I feel like I'm ready to answer you. Maybe I need a little time to myself. I shouldn't have to explain anything to you. You know, if I'm not responding clearly, I've chosen not to answer you. Cindy Costley: Yeah. Pete: right now temporarily. Like you don't, if you needed an immediate answer, you should have called me directly and I would have told you the same thing. Like, Hey, I need a little space. I'm having a little rough time here. I'm in my own head. I need my own space. And if they don't respect your answer, then that clearly don't need to be there or you need to put a limitation on them and tell them, listen, all right, start setting boundaries with that person. Hey, listen, when I tell you, I need my own space, I need you to respect this. Or you need to understand that I'm just going to choose not to associate with you at the end of the day. And it's a tough boundary to do. And I told them boundaries aren't easy. Like, you know, you could set these boundaries, but you have to be firm with them. You have to stick to them and they are tough. And he's like, well, you know, people tell me they're selfish. That is your first problem. You're listening to everybody else but yourself. Don't let somebody tell you you're selfish because you're setting up limitations for yourself. Listen, hey, this is where my cup is at. I can only handle so much of my cup. When my cup overflows with mine, I have to worry about me. And you have to understand that, that you're not going to get to, you're not going to be emotionally terrorizing me the whole time because Cindy Costley: Yes. Yeah. Pete: You just think I'm going to drop every little bit of your will. You know what mean? And for him, he's a combat vet. had, he'd been in there. He has PTSD. I'm pretty sure he's got PTSD, you know, and things like that too. And these guys don't have any idea what this man is going through. Like I don't either, but I've met enough people that I can get an idea of what they're dealing with based on the things they're telling you. But it's, it's a horrific moment because I've been through my own moment of PTSD and it was horrible. Like you don't realize like afterwards, did the after effect like three days afterwards, I was a complete mess and then I was fine. But you know, it's like these guys are going through these things and they've been in combat situations. Now they're seeing even crazier things than we are. You know, like the most people shouldn't see, like we don't know what the extent of combat he had seen. He may have seen people get their lives taken. He may have taken them. He's like, you know, we don't know what his situation was completely. I didn't really ask him because we were in the setting where it wasn't the place to ask the fool's thing, but you could just tell he was struggling. And I was like, listen, man, you got to worry about yourself at the end of the day. So we kept repeating him and another friend of mine that run another podcast. We were in there talking to him about it. And he was saying the same thing. I'm like, yeah, man, listen, I'm telling you, you've got to set those hard boundaries. And some people just need to understand that. And that's the hardest part of things for people is just setting that boundary and sticking it because everybody wants to give in to it. But it's for your own safety. It's just like your body setting up defenses. It's like, hey, listen, this is only so much I'm going to take after that. You're on your own. You got to give me some space to recharge. And I'm sure it's the same thing for you too. Cindy Costley: Well, what I realize is we are only responsible for ourselves. We're responsible to be kind to others. We're responsible to not judge others, because we don't know what's going on in their lives either, right? So the more we focus on our own well-being, the more we're going to help the world. More than accommodating people's need for a quick fix or need for a, you know, we're in an instant gratification world. People are used to getting Pete: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Ding ding ding, Cindy hit it right on the head. I love it. Cindy Costley: instant gratification immediately. That is not my responsibility to fix that. It's my responsibility to stay in my own truth, which is living in my power and doing what is best for me. And I don't mean that selfishly. I'm not saying, ⁓ I'm only going to do what's best for me selfishly. I'm saying do what's best for me, whether that means answering right away or not and not worrying about what's happening to some, you know, in. to them as far as whether it's going to upset them if you don't respond right away or not. Because that could be possibly a lesson for them too. I used to always respond instantly on my phone. had my phone by my hip and then my daughter had my grandkids and I can hardly ever get away from her. And every time I go visit her, I was so amazed at how she just was so disconnected from her phone and just so focused on her family and her children. Pete: Exactly. Mm-hmm. Cindy Costley: life and I came back and I was like, I want that life. And my phone sits down on the counter now. I don't carry it on my hip anymore. I don't respond. have certain times a day that I'll go and look it up and I'll respond to people. that, yeah. Yes. Pete: Mm-hmm. And it feels so much better, doesn't it? You don't feel so like Thomo and the fear missing out. Because as a podcaster, at first it was hard for me. I was trying to be there 24-7, but now I discovered all the automated systems for things. I'm like, all right, here's my calendar. You can go deal with the calendar and I'll answer any questions when I get to it. It's the same thing when I'm with anybody, like my ex-wife and I, that was one of the things I had a hard time with because I have a hard attention span sometimes. So I had to put the phone face down when somebody's talking to me. So I'm looking at you because if not, I'm not paying attention 100 % to what you're saying. You know, even now, like when I visit my girlfriend or she visits me, I go and I'll, my phone goes in silent. Unless you absolutely need me, I'll set it up. So only the people I need to get through, get through. If you need to get ahold of me, these people know how to get ahold of me. If it's that big of an emergency, if not, it's, it'll be, it's, it'll be okay for a few days. The world's not coming to an end. You know, you, you know, I'm spending time with this person or I'm doing these things. The same thing with, with the visit, the kids. phone would be down at the side. Like I wouldn't even look at it. Maybe later that night I'll check it really fast. See if there's an email I need, but that's all I'm looking for really fast to make sure, you know, there's nothing I have to instantly respond. But it's, it's nine times out of 10 and my phone's not even with me half the time. It's not, it's in my pocket. It's off. It's on silent, you know, things like that too. So, you know, and I spent a lot, I'm a guy who spends a lot of time on the internet. So I'm on everything possible. I'm on TikTok, all these different things. You know, I go live on TikTok, all this kind of stuff, but I set my, my limitations to what I'm going to do, you know. Cindy Costley: Yeah. Pete: because I'm like, I let people just know like, listen, I'm not going to be there. I'm like, I just can't be there. got to let you know, unfortunately I won't be there. And sometimes don't even respond. Like I get 50,000 different live invites and I don't go to half of them. Like I'll show up, pop in, say hello and go. That's all I'll do. You know what I mean? Like you, they, you got to set those boundaries because if not people will take advantage of you and they'll just start feeding on your emotions like that. Like the gentleman I met this morning and you know, I had the same problem too. I had to unplug and I did it for a couple of days. One time I took seven days off. I literally unplugged. I went on posted stuff and ghosted. It's called ghosting and posting. basically post and then you just go off, you're offline after that. You're like, okay, I posted when I need to post and you know, cause you're trying to stay relevant, especially in the social media game. Like most of these sites once you make like one or two posts a day, but I have a schedule now. I can set all that up. I can have everything set up. I'm all set up all the way to March right now, which is tough for the show, you know, and things like that too. And that's how I'll do everything else is I'll just set it up. The clips will come out the day before the episode drops. I have the special card. I'll spend the time to do it now. So that way the rest of my week I can sit there. Cindy Costley: Right. Pete: and do whatever else I want to do. can hang out, do some other things, do other things I enjoy, worry about my self-care first because if not, I'm going to fall back into that black hole of depression I was in and it's just not good for anybody at that point. Because during season one, I had to learn it because I was still a newer podcaster. didn't know half these automated systems existed and people didn't realize how bad I struggled during season one. I was bad. I had really bad depression and it was just swallowing me and things like that too. Had few suicide attempts, I made it through. Cindy Costley: Right. ⁓ Pete: The last one in funny with particular was my ex told me basically make her the 13th reason why and then told me the conversation wasn't ready. She wasn't ready for that conversation. So we had to reschedule it at a better time. like, didn't know that's how that worked, but it's really not. You know what I mean? So it's just, you know, it's a lot, but now I've learned the system in a place where I can take myself out of the picture if I don't need to be, you know, unplugged from things. I'll literally just stop answering calls from people. I'll just sit there and do whatever I want to do that makes me happy. and then I'll come back and check their messages. And I do that same thing with my work texts too. Oh, you didn't text me back. Sorry, I was busy. Like I don't, if it's not that important, if it's not, 911 emergency, I'll let you scam them. You know, like you could stop at the top of your screen, you pull down and see what messages are. I'm like, I'm scanning messages like that. Okay, cool. Nothing really important. I'll go back on my day if I see it. Cindy Costley: Yeah, and here's the truth for them on the other side. And I do believe this. We show people what our priority is, and it's okay if they're not your priority, but they also get to say, ⁓ they're not my priority, so I need to go find a different priority. So it does go both ways where we get to decide what's best for us, and they get to decide what that means for them, right? And we get to be okay with that. Pete: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. All right. You're tackling. Cindy Costley: Right? And so the more we're just allowing ourselves to be okay with who we are and what we need, even though that might lead to some consequences or it might lead to some changes in relationships or whatever it might lead to, being confident in ourselves and knowing that's okay because I'm still doing what is best for me, that's where the power, the true power comes in because we were living in the moment that way. Right? When we're living in the moment, not worrying about the future or worrying about what other people are thinking or saying that That causes so much anxiety, right? Instead of just being present in the moment. Pete: Mm-hmm. Yeah, exactly. Of course too. So Cindy, let me ask you a question though. Where do you see EBDT here in maybe in five years? What is the big picture plan at this point? Do you see where you want to be in the future? Cindy Costley: Yeah, I love that. am so excited because I am now launching my ⁓ certification program. So I have my own set of clients and then I'm shifting, continuing to work with them, but also shifting to teaching practitioners how to use this because this is a incredibly powerful healing tool that is beyond what I know out there in the world right now. And so I want to get more practitioners healing more people. Pete: Mm-hmm. Cindy Costley: So I'm really excited that I now have this one year certification program where they can start by healing themselves and then they move into working with friends and family and then they move into being certified and being able to work with paid clients. So ⁓ in five years, I see just a lot of practitioners healing individuals on a much wider scale than what I can do as one person right now. So it's really exciting. Pete: Mm-hmm. Yeah, you know, globally, internationally, all those other things. Do you have plans for the international market? Are we starting staying in the States first and then looking at reaching across the seas? Because, you know, not yet. We're not there yet. Cindy Costley: No! I don't have a, I'm not limiting it. This is something that can be done anywhere. So, ⁓ you know, as long as they can meet my hours, because I'm not going to start being up till midnight or two in the morning doing calls, you know, so that would be the only hang up of international ⁓ individuals. But people that want to learn this process, as long as they're able to meet the hours that I work with them, then, you know, I don't want to turn anybody down. So. Pete: Yeah. Right. Cindy Costley: Yeah, and I do a lot of podcast interviews internationally, so it's definitely open to, you know, it's widespread. The biggest thing is this this program incorporates science, energy, spirituality, and for some people, even scripture. And so the key is that it's an intuitive process to because we learn how to. Pete: Yeah. ⁓ nice. Yeah. Cindy Costley: Talk like you said, you're very, you you feel energy, you know energy that's that's an intuition, right? Feeling energy is a superpower like you said, so we got to learn how to balance it and how to keep it from taking us down because it can but the those are the individuals that do best with my EBDT program because it is a very intuitive program too because we learn to connect with someone's body and listen to what they're trying to tell us and that's very intuitive as well. So The individuals that are really going to be the healers in this are like the EBD practitioners what I see are like intuitive professionals, healers, those are the type of individuals that are now going to be able to take the science-based process and not just do energy healing but incorporate the know the biological aspects of healing as well and that's where magic can happen. Pete: All right, I agree. Sandy, before we start wrapping up, I do have two questions for you. Now I ask all my guests these same questions. The first question to you is actually credited from a good friend of mine. She has a podcast called The Shit That Goes On in Her Heads. ⁓ Her question to me and my question to you is that if your mental had a song, what would you say that song would be? Cindy Costley: Hahaha! ⁓ If my what had a song, my Pete: If your mental health had a song, what would your song be? Cindy Costley: ⁓ my song would be, it doesn't have to be that way. Pete: Okay, okay, I like it, I like it, I like it, that's good. All right, and so the next question, the most important question of all is if you could break the stigma about mental health. Now, when I say this, mean anything you hear on a daily basis that you know that just drives you absolutely crazy, like can you just please stop believing these things? What would you say that one thing would be? Cindy Costley: I love that question. would say anxiety is not a weakness. It's a protection. It's a gift. a it's your body's message saying I'm protecting you and it's not something to be shameful of or sad about or upset. It's not easy and I'm not saying it's easy. But I would say just recognizing that it's actually your body's way of protecting you. Pete: Mm-hmm. I love it. I love it. Thank you so much, Cindy. Appreciate you coming to being a guest on the show today. Before we start closing out, do want to let me know where they can find you? know, where can they find the best way to reach you would be? Cindy Costley: You're not. The best way to reach me is at CindyCostley.com, C-O-S-T-L-E-Y.com. And the underlying answers is also another website of mine where it has my EBDT program, but everything can connect with CindyCostley.com. Pete: Sounds great, thank you so much, Cindy. And with that being said, we're gonna wrap up this episode of Pete vs. Anxiety. You guys wanna find me on Pete vs. Anxiety? I'm excelling down to TikTok. I'm on Spotify, all the down to Pandora Radio. And as I always say, it costs nothing, absolutely nothing to be kind to somebody. One kind act you could do could save someone's life, or hell, can make their day. I'm Pete vs. Anxiety, signing off. Don't ask how your day is today, say hey, how's your mental health?