Latest / Dr. Derek H. Suite MD - The SuiteSpot / How You Stand Under Pressure 3/7: Holding Your Ground When It Gets Loud

Transcript

How You Stand Under Pressure 3/7: Holding Your Ground When It Gets Loud · Dr. Derek H. Suite MD - The SuiteSpot

• 0:05
  SPEAKER_00: I'm so glad you did.
• 0:07
  SPEAKER_00: You made it to Wednesday.
• 0:08
  SPEAKER_00: Not just any Wednesday, my friend.
• 0:11
  SPEAKER_00: You made it to Win It All Wednesday.
• 0:13
  SPEAKER_00: Hump day, the day we get over the hump.
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_00: Together, this is the sweet spot.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_00: We're in a series called How You Stand Under Pressure.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_00: This is episode three of seven, where we talk about holding your ground when it gets loud.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_00: Good morning, beautiful souls.
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_00: Good afternoon.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_00: And good evening if it's evening time that you're listening to this.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome back to the sweet spot.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_00: I'm Dr.
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_00: Derek Sweet.
• 0:43
  SPEAKER_00: As you know, I'm a board-certified psychiatrist.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_00: I work with athletes, executives, first responders, and people who are asked to perform and endure when the noise is real and the stakes are high.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_00: And like you, I've had some seasons when winning didn't feel very close, where winning felt very far away.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_00: So let's anchor where we are.
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_00: On Monday, Making Moves Monday, we talked about the difference between stress and pressure and how stabilizing your stance keeps panic from deciding your next move.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_00: If you did not hear Making Moves Monday, I invite you to take a few moments and listen.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_00: Yesterday we talked about doing one responsible thing, then pausing.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_00: Because pressure is managed by sequence and not speed.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_00: Knowing your sequence.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_00: So today is Win It All Wednesday, and today we need to correct something that most of us get wrong.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_00: Winning.
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_00: Winning does not start with confidence.
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_00: I know there's a lot of literature and it's quite popular to say the winning starts with confidence, but in my experience, it doesn't.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_00: Winning does not start with confidence.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_00: Winning starts with belief that we can hold when the confidence shakes.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_00: Do you get what I'm saying?
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_00: The winning starts when the belief is shaken and it doesn't move.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_00: That's the idea.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_00: Belief is unshakable.
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_00: Do you get it?
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_00: Confidence will shake.
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_00: Oh yes, it will.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_00: It can be shook.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_00: Confidence is emotional.
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_00: It rises and falls with results, with feedback, with health, with how loud the environment gets.
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_00: All of those things will affect confidence.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_00: But belief, a deep held belief, is different.
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_00: Belief is structural.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_00: It determines how much ground you can stand on when things feel unstable.
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_00: And here's the thing, my friend: pressure doesn't destroy belief.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_00: Pressure reveals it.
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, when the noise gets loud and the criticism rises, the losses pile up, the illness won't go away, the disappointment has come.
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_00: The grief.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_00: The shame, whatever it is, the silence, the doubts.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_00: When those things get loud, that's when belief can show up in one quiet moment.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_00: And ask the question: Do I stay upright or do I collapse inward and redefine myself by this moment?
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_00: This is where stabilizing your stand, stabilizing your stance becomes the difference between surviving now and winning later.
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_00: When you stabilize your stance, my friend, you are sending a clear signal to your nervous system.
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_00: You are saying to your amygdala, the threat center, you are saying it out loud to the PFC, your prefrontal cortex, I am still here.
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_00: The moment might be loud, but it does not own me.
• 4:55
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna say that again because I need to hear it for me.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_00: I am still here.
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_00: This moment might be loud, but it does not own me.
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_00: That's what I believe.
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_00: That's why I want you to believe it too, because that signal matters, it keeps your body from slipping into helplessness, it keeps the mind from turning temporary pain and temporary setbacks into a permanent identity.
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_00: This is not you.
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_00: And the ancient wisdom names this kind of steadiness with uncommon honesty.
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_00: Oh boy, and my dad in his Bible had this circled.
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_00: Philippians 4, I think it was verses 11 and 12.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_00: Philippians, he had this circle, and I want to share it with you because it fits with what we're talking about today.
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_00: The idea that you've got to stabilize your stand, and what do you stand on?
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_00: And what does that mean to have this mental stability, this mental resilience?
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_00: Here's what the ancient wisdom tells us.
• 6:12
  SPEAKER_00: I've learned to be content, whatever the circumstances.
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_00: Wow, that's a whole lot that the ancient wisdom is trying to tell us.
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_00: I've learned to be content, whatever the circumstances.
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_00: What circumstances are you in right now that we have to teach you and I have to teach me to be content?
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_00: Do we know how to live and how to stand stable?
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_00: Whether we have a lot or a little, whether we're rich or poor, whether the stomach is full or empty, whether we're alone or we're with someone, whether we're happy or sad.
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_00: The word in this scripture is learned.
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_00: I have learned to be content.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_00: You know what happened to me when I read this?
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_00: I kept focusing on content.
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_00: I want to be content.
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_00: I want to be happy.
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_00: I want to be happy.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_00: I do, I like being happy.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_00: But the word learned, I bypass.
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_00: We've got to learn this.
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_00: Paul isn't saying that this stuff comes naturally.
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't get that at first, that I had to learn some things.
• 7:55
  SPEAKER_00: He isn't saying that faith erases hardship either.
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_00: He isn't saying that circumstances improved.
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_00: What he is saying is this.
• 8:05
  SPEAKER_00: He's saying this was trained, this attitude that I have was trained under pressure.
• 8:13
  SPEAKER_00: Notice what he does not say.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_00: He doesn't say he stopped wanting relief.
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_00: He doesn't say the pain disappeared.
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_00: He doesn't say loss didn't hurt.
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_00: He's real.
• 8:28
  SPEAKER_00: What he changed was his outlook.
• 8:31
  SPEAKER_00: What he changed was his mindset.
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_00: What he changed was his stance.
• 8:38
  SPEAKER_00: He learned how to stand under pressure.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_00: Paul learned how to remain internally upright even when life was externally unstable.
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_00: Are you in a situation or have you been in the situation where life was shaky, where it was hard?
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_00: Let your belief go to work.
• 9:04
  SPEAKER_00: And belief here doesn't mean pretending things are fine.
• 9:08
  SPEAKER_00: That's not what I'm talking about.
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_00: That's some other level of Christianity that I'm still trying to figure that part out.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_00: Belief here doesn't mean pretending things are fine, it means refusing to let your situation become your identity.
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_00: That's what I'm picking up.
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_00: Refusing to let this situation or any situation that comes my way become my identity.
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_00: When Paul talks about contentment, he's not talking about comfort, he's talking about inner stability, being stable.
• 9:44
  SPEAKER_00: And I've watched my parents be that, be really stable.
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_00: I've watched my aunts and uncles, my elders be that.
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_00: I've watched people I've admired, my dear beloved, belated pastor, Pastor Sam, and Pastor Tony.
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_00: I've watched them be that.
• 10:07
  SPEAKER_00: The ability to say, this is what I really believe, this is what mental toughness is.
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_00: The ability to say, this is painful, but it's not all of me.
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_00: It's not gonna own me.
• 10:21
  SPEAKER_00: The ability to say this chapter is real, but it's not my whole story.
• 10:27
  SPEAKER_00: I'm more than what I'm losing right now, I'm more than what I'm experiencing right now.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_00: Greater is the thing in me than the thing that's in the world.
• 10:36
  SPEAKER_00: That's what whatever is coming at me.
• 10:38
  SPEAKER_00: And that's why your stand and your stability in your stand matters so much.
• 10:45
  SPEAKER_00: If you feel like you're losing, if you feel like something is unfair, stand, stand against it.
• 10:52
  SPEAKER_00: Let's make it real.
• 10:54
  SPEAKER_00: I think about a person living with a debilitating illness, something that's really hard.
• 10:59
  SPEAKER_00: The body has changed, the energy is unpredictable, the pain is is real, the plans are smaller.
• 11:09
  SPEAKER_00: When the unstable stand wants to come at you, it'll say something like, This is who I am now, I guess I have no future.
• 11:17
  SPEAKER_00: No, the stabilized stand is this is what I'm carrying, but it's not who I am.
• 11:23
  SPEAKER_00: The belief doesn't erase the illness.
• 11:26
  SPEAKER_00: What it does is it keeps despair from defining your future or my future.
• 11:31
  SPEAKER_00: We're not gonna let it define what the future is.
• 11:35
  SPEAKER_00: If you're an athlete and you lost your starting spot, maybe it was public, maybe it was painful, maybe the coach yelled at you in front of the cameras and that went viral.
• 11:50
  SPEAKER_00: The unstable stand is, well, I'm done, I'm toast, nobody, you know, uh-uh, I'm a laughing stock.
• 11:56
  SPEAKER_00: Well, guess what?
• 11:57
  SPEAKER_00: The stabilized stand it goes against that.
• 11:59
  SPEAKER_00: The belief has to be look, my role change, not my worth.
• 12:05
  SPEAKER_00: You see, belief keeps effort clean instead of bitter.
• 12:09
  SPEAKER_00: If you're feeling invisible, like nobody's noticing your effort, that the you're feeling like you don't matter, the stabilizing stance argues against it.
• 12:18
  SPEAKER_00: It says, I matter even when I don't get affirmation from other people.
• 12:24
  SPEAKER_00: I've been fearfully and wonderfully made every hair of my head account for.
• 12:28
  SPEAKER_00: I matter.
• 12:28
  SPEAKER_00: I'm the head, I'm not the tail.
• 12:30
  SPEAKER_00: I matter.
• 12:31
  SPEAKER_00: The belief keeps you standing when validation is absent.
• 12:35
  SPEAKER_00: That's the power of real belief.
• 12:39
  SPEAKER_00: And this is the truth we don't say enough, and then we're gonna close.
• 12:42
  SPEAKER_00: Winning is not about how you feel right now.
• 12:46
  SPEAKER_00: Winning is not about how it feels right now.
• 12:49
  SPEAKER_00: You know what winning is?
• 12:50
  SPEAKER_00: Winning is about whether you stay upright long enough for the next chapter to arrive, and it will arrive.
• 12:57
  SPEAKER_00: So stabilizing your stance gets you ready for the next chapter.
• 13:01
  SPEAKER_00: It doesn't make you confident, it makes you durable.
• 13:06
  SPEAKER_00: And durability, my friend, is what belief gives you when circumstances are crazy, when circumstances are overwhelming.
• 13:15
  SPEAKER_00: You're going to be durable.
• 13:16
  SPEAKER_00: You can be a winner even when things feel shaky.
• 13:21
  SPEAKER_00: If you refuse to let this moment redefine who you are.
• 13:31
  SPEAKER_00: We're too deep to go back.
• 13:34
  SPEAKER_00: It's with it all Wednesday.
• 13:35
  SPEAKER_00: We're in.
• 13:36
  SPEAKER_00: Tomorrow is Trust Yourself Thursday, and we're gonna connect belief to trust.
• 13:42
  SPEAKER_00: Especially when doubt is present, when doubt is present, and and the outcomes aren't guaranteed.
• 13:50
  SPEAKER_00: That's where trust and belief have to join hands.
• 13:52
  SPEAKER_00: And you gotta choose uh check it, check in with me tomorrow because we're gonna we're gonna go deeper on that.
• 13:58
  SPEAKER_00: So, my friends, beautiful ones, sweet winners, if this spoke to a place in you that feels worn down or unseen, or you've just been grinding through, please subscribe.
• 14:12
  SPEAKER_00: It's absolutely free.
• 14:14
  SPEAKER_00: And more than that, if someone you love feels that they're like losing it right now, I want you to share this with them because sometimes it's just hearing a word from somebody else who's a fellow traveler with them that can make all the difference.
• 14:29
  SPEAKER_00: You don't win by never being shaken.
• 14:33
  SPEAKER_00: You win by learning how to stand while you are being shaken.
• 14:40
  SPEAKER_00: We're building this together, and I'm gonna see you tomorrow.
• 14:43
  SPEAKER_00: Dr.
• 14:44
  SPEAKER_00: Sweet Out.