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End the Failure Cycle: What Your ADHD Brain Actually Needs to Make Habits Stick | 029 · Quick Wins for ADHD Moms - Short Episodes, Real Solutions for Burnout and Overwhelm

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_01: Welcome to Quick Wins for ADHD Moms, the podcast that gives you simple, brain-friendly strategies to help you go from surviving to thriving.
• 0:09
  SPEAKER_01: Hey, I'm Jessica Lynn Lewis, and in each episode, we tackle one quick win you can use right away.
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_01: So let's dive in.
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_01: Today's guest is Leah Carroll, an ADHD life and mindset coach who's on a mission to help fellow ADHDers stop starting from scratch every day.
• 0:29
  SPEAKER_01: Leah specializes in deconstructing patterns that don't serve us and rebuilding systems that actually fit our ADHD brains.
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_01: So no shame, no cookie-cutter routines, and definitely no pretending to be neurotypical.
• 0:43
  SPEAKER_01: She's all about grounded tools, compassionate support, and those tiny shifts that lead to huge changes.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_01: So this week, let's welcome Leah.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_01: Well, hey, Leah, thank you so much for being on Quick Wins for EDHD moms.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_01: I appreciate you being here.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you so much for having me.
• 0:59
  SPEAKER_01: I'm super excited.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_01: Well, when you emailed back like your tips and your ideas, I was like, yes, please.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_01: And so you've got two of them.
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_01: Um, let's dive into the first one and then next week we'll release your next idea.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_01: And they're both fantastic.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_01: I'm excited about our listeners hearing uh more about what you have to say.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_01: But what is your first quick tip?
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_00: My first quick win is habit stacking.
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_00: This is for when you are trying to build a new habit.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_00: So we're gonna attach new habits to ones that you already do.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_00: Instead of starting from scratch, starting from zero, we're gonna stack one, if that makes sense.
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_00: I love it.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_01: So tell me how that works exactly.
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, sure.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_00: So this is for those of us that are like, you know, kind of every, every Monday, I'm gonna start over and I'm gonna, you know, start this whole new morning routine.
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_00: Um, what we're doing with habit stacking is we are, like I said, we're attaching new habits, the things that we're wanting to do.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_00: And I'll give you all some examples to things that you already do.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_00: So instead of, like I said, trying to build brand new routines from scratch, you can piggyback off of the ones that your brain already remembers.
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_00: Why this works for our beautiful ADHD brains is because they're a little different.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, exactly.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_00: And yeah, that's that's a really good point.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_00: Some of these things work really well.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_00: And maybe one thing you'll be able to have it stack.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe this will be something that your brain really picks up on and you'll be able to have it stack a few more than that.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_00: No worries.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_00: Either way, try it.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_00: What works for you, keep it, what doesn't it?
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_01: Exactly.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_01: That's such a good point.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_01: What works for you, keep it.
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_01: What doesn't, don't worry about it.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_01: Don't fret it.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_01: We try to be perfectionist and fix everything.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_01: Just if it works, awesome.
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_01: If not, yeah.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I know that most of your audience is moms, so um, maybe some moms will get this.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_00: It's kind of like how some of us can like really pull off like fluorescent green and look great.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_00: Others of us look really washed out.
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_00: Um that's um, others of us look like really washed out and we look gross.
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_00: It's the same thing with some of these like tips and tricks and you know that kind of thing.
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_00: There are some things that you're going to try on and they're just going to feel ick.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_00: Now, we have to be careful here because our nervous systems will reject unfamiliar and uncomfortable immediately.
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_00: Our nervous systems, yeah, our nervous systems are wired to uh hold on to familiar and comfortable, even if it is not where we want to be, even if it is not serving us, because comfort and familiarity equal safety.
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_00: So when we're trying to implement new things and it's unfamiliar, it's like that um the saying that your nervous system will choose a familiar hell over an unfamiliar heaven every single time.
• 3:49
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 3:49
  SPEAKER_00: So we got to be careful with those of like, oh, I'm trying this.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_00: It feels uncomfortable.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not gonna do it anymore.
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_00: That gets a little bit tricky.
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_00: So sit with the discomfort, you're safe.
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_00: Make sure you are safe.
• 3:59
  SPEAKER_00: Um, make sure you are safe.
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_00: And then give give some things a try.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_00: I really talk to clients about, especially when you start doing this work of having a bit of a beginner's mind.
• 4:07
  SPEAKER_00: All right, you might have tried something in the past and it didn't work.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_00: You're in a new place, you've got a new mindset, you're working on different things.
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_00: So let's come at it from a little bit of a different angle if we can.
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_00: So again, ADHD, we're gonna just Oh, yeah, we can go on a thousand rabbit trails, but we're good.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_00: We have our notes.
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_00: Um, yeah, back to my notes.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_00: So why this works ADHD brains run on cues and dopamine, not discipline.
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_00: Shocker.
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I can attest to that.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 4:34
  SPEAKER_01: And they're always like, just just be disciplined.
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_01: Like just be more disciplined.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_00: Just be more disciplined and be more consistent.
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_00: Well, my brain is a worse thing.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_00: She's persistent.
• 4:43
  SPEAKER_00: I can be persistent.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_00: I can keep showing up for sure.
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_00: Persistent as hell.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_00: Persistent, absolutely.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_00: But consistent, uh, that that gives me a little bit of the heebie-jeebies.
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_00: Not my strong suit.
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_00: And that's fine.
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_00: That is part of this work as well, is leaning into what works for you.
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_00: And persistence is something that works for me.
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_00: Consistency, not a strong suit.
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_00: And so I'm not going to try to square peg round whole consistency into my life.
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_00: I'm going to realize, and two things can exist.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_00: I can be like frustrated that I'm not consistent and that that doesn't come naturally to me, and also lean into the reality that that's just not how my brain works.
• 5:17
  SPEAKER_00: So I might as well lean into the persistence and see how can I really run with this versus trying to force the consistency and constantly feel like I'm coming up short.
• 5:27
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_01: How does that look like for you?
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_01: Because I struggle with that too, being consistent.
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_01: Like I can have a system and then my memory is really bad.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_01: I forget.
• 5:39
  unknown: Right.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_01: And then I'm not consistent or I don't want to be consistent.
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_01: How do you, how do you personally?
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_01: I know you have other notes here too, but how do you personally overcome that?
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_01: Just be consistent.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_00: So there's a couple of things.
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_00: There's a couple of things that I really try to be consistent on, right?
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm sure yours is the same.
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_00: You are probably fairly consistent with this podcast.
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_00: Fairly consistent.
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_00: I have to be.
• 6:03
  SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
• 6:03
  SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_00: So there are places in our lives where we are consistent.
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_00: I write a newsletter that goes out every Sunday.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_00: It is momentum Monday on a Sunday because we're going to need a little extra day to prepare ourselves.
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I am very consistent with that because I want it to go out every Sunday.
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_00: I want people to be able to look forward to that.
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_00: I want people to be able to open it and start their Mondays off in a really good way.
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_00: Um now, what I'm persistent at is uploading that to my blog.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_00: So today is Wednesday.
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_00: That should normally be my momentum task on Monday.
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_00: That's where I start my day.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_00: That's kind of how I get myself going.
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_00: It just hasn't happened this week.
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_00: It got out, and it's with the thing.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_00: I'm consistent with my clients.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_00: I'm can if I have a on the calendar, I'm showing up.
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_00: That's not something that I'm gonna be willy-nilly and like, oh, sorry, I was having coffee.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_00: Like, persistent about.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_00: That's so we got to pick and choose.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_00: Um, again, leaning into I am not the girl that's gonna take my supplements every single day at noon Monday to Sunday.
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_00: It's just not gonna happen.
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_00: Now, this is a great transition into what we're talking about with habit stacking.
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm pretty good at taking my supplements Monday through Friday because I sit them by my coffee maker and I will have my coffee.
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_00: No mistake.
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_01: That habit is solid, it is non-negotiable, it's happening.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_00: It's I don't even have to think about it.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_00: It's like literally what gets me out of bed.
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_00: So that's what we want to look at for something like that to stay persistently consistent, consistently persistent, however you want to put it.
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_00: The meds are by the coffee machine.
• 7:41
  SPEAKER_00: I turn on the coffee machine, meds are there.
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_00: Take them.
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes I can't be bothered.
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, I haven't put them in their little cases and I got a one by one.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, no, we're not doing that.
• 7:51
  SPEAKER_00: We'll be fine.
• 7:51
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not gonna die if I don't get my zinc today.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_00: I'll be okay.
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_01: Right, exactly.
• 7:55
  SPEAKER_01: And then you'll remember eventually and then set it back out by your coffee.
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, exactly.
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so giving yourself a little bit of that grace to not be consistent feels so much better.
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_00: Um, there's this quote that I really love that I feel like at some point I should get tattooed onto my body.
• 8:12
  SPEAKER_00: And the quote is nothing can grow in clenched fists.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, that's beautiful.
• 8:17
  SPEAKER_00: I like that.
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_00: So if you think about if we're going through our day, like you have to be consistent at 8 a.m.
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_00: and 9 a.m.
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_00: and meds and you're like this all the time.
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_01: And there's so much stress and overwhelm.
• 8:28
  SPEAKER_01: I get like my jaw, my it gets so tight.
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_01: And I think even overnight, I must like clench my jaw because I'm so just like that for sure.
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_01: Hanging on for dear life.
• 8:38
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah, which is okay.
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_00: Like, you know, you've you've got a whole bunch going on.
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_00: That's all right.
• 8:44
  SPEAKER_00: But that's where we want to look for places that we can be like, Leah, taking your vitamin C it's okay.
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_00: You're gonna be okay.
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_00: It's fine.
• 8:53
  SPEAKER_00: I don't, I don't want to do that right now.
• 8:54
  SPEAKER_00: That's okay, right?
• 8:56
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so looking for areas that you can have a little bit more fluidity.
• 9:01
  SPEAKER_00: And I always say, like, be a bit more like water and less like the oak.
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_00: Like we want to be a little bit more like this.
• 9:09
  SPEAKER_00: And for some of us, that comes easier than to others, right?
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but it is a muscle that we can build.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_00: It's just like, well, she she's a natural runner.
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, well, I bet she didn't start off running a marathon.
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_00: And I bet she doesn't want to run all the time either.
• 9:22
  SPEAKER_00: Exactly, exactly.
• 9:23
  SPEAKER_00: She doesn't want to run all day, every day, right?
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_00: So, um, so yeah, these are definitely muscles that even putting this into practice, this habit stack, and we'll get to that at the end.
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_00: I don't want you guys habit stacking all day, every day with everything, and you've got 15 new habits.
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_00: We're gonna pick one thing.
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_00: And that feels like it is very slow.
• 9:41
  SPEAKER_00: But slow progress is better than burnout and no progress.
• 9:44
  SPEAKER_00: So we want to build that foundation of what's one thing, like out, you know, as the I take my uh my supplements and then as the coffee is brewing, I unload the dishwasher.
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_00: Those are now tied together, right?
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_00: Because I run the dishwasher the night before.
• 9:59
  SPEAKER_00: Yep.
• 9:59
  SPEAKER_01: So because you have a habit stack in the evening of loading the dishwasher and cleaning up the kitchen area, getting you ready for morning Leah.
• 10:09
  SPEAKER_01: Your evening Leah is doing all that, and then the morning Leah's, here's here's morning Leah schedule.
• 10:15
  SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
• 10:15
  SPEAKER_00: And we can talk about that in our next episode as well.
• 10:17
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_00: So really looking at what are the things that are kind of driving you crazy.
• 10:21
  SPEAKER_00: And I use the most ridiculous things.
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_00: So people, when they're first starting to use a digital calendar, right?
• 10:26
  SPEAKER_00: So that you can set reminders and you know, you've got one, your partner's got one, you got one for each kid, you got one for grandma, whoever you can get one color coding.
• 10:33
  SPEAKER_00: That's not something that you can just do overnight.
• 10:37
  SPEAKER_00: You gotta play with it, okay.
• 10:38
  SPEAKER_00: What works for me?
• 10:39
  SPEAKER_00: How does it, oh, I gotta remember to even use it.
• 10:41
  SPEAKER_00: Every morning when you sit down to take your morning pee, because you do check your calendar.
• 10:45
  SPEAKER_00: Again, it's kind of weird, right?
• 10:47
  SPEAKER_00: And maybe people have um have uh parameters set against their phones.
• 10:52
  SPEAKER_00: That's fine.
• 10:52
  SPEAKER_00: You can kind of like take these suggestions and fit them into your life.
• 10:57
  SPEAKER_00: But we're looking for things that you do every single day without fail that you don't even have to think about, like the coffee, like um, you know, maybe getting your kids up for school, tucking your kids in, um, depending on where you are with your kids.
• 11:10
  SPEAKER_00: Are you breastfeeding?
• 11:11
  SPEAKER_00: Are you uh changing diapers, right?
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_00: Like anything like that that you can tie into something that you're already doing.
• 11:18
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 11:19
  SPEAKER_01: And it ties in too, I think, too, you know, we talk about like the flow and our circadian rhythm.
• 11:24
  SPEAKER_01: Um, and I feel like that just goes into that flow of our day.
• 11:30
  SPEAKER_01: And because we can't be so rigid, our brains just don't work like that.
• 11:34
  SPEAKER_01: I love what you said about let's just be water, let's just be water and feel that flow and stack those habits where they naturally need to occur.
• 11:44
  SPEAKER_00: And here's the thing too, sometimes going from concrete to water feels like too big of a jump.
• 11:50
  SPEAKER_00: Like if you're feeling really rigid in your life.
• 11:53
  SPEAKER_00: So can instead of going from, you know, more of this kind of seemingly negative space to this like full-blown positive, I am water, I am, you know, whatever, can we go to the middle and can we just be kind of like a muddy river?
• 12:07
  SPEAKER_00: Or, you know, like it doesn't have to be from one extreme to the next.
• 12:11
  SPEAKER_00: It can just be that neutral ground.
• 12:13
  SPEAKER_00: What does it look like for me to be a little bit more fluid than conquering instead of taking that giant jump?
• 12:19
  SPEAKER_00: We're just inching towards it again, so that our nervous system isn't like, nope, unfamiliar, uncomfortable, I'm out, abort mission.
• 12:25
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 12:25
  SPEAKER_01: Or you force yourself into it, and your nervous system is like, what are you doing?
• 12:29
  SPEAKER_01: We're gonna have to talk later.
• 12:31
  SPEAKER_00: Well, and then you have a lot of resentment around whatever it is that you're trying to do.
• 12:34
  SPEAKER_00: Nobody likes to be forced to do anything, even from ourselves.
• 12:37
  SPEAKER_00: Demand avoidance pops up.
• 12:38
  SPEAKER_00: There's all of that kind of stuff.
• 12:40
  SPEAKER_01: So, um Especially with your ADHD brain, you know, I'm constantly going, eh, I'm going to do the opposite.
• 12:49
  SPEAKER_01: Just because I'm naturally right.
• 12:51
  SPEAKER_01: Don't tell me what to do.
• 12:52
  SPEAKER_01: You told me what to do.
• 12:53
  SPEAKER_01: All right, now I'm now I'm not gonna do it.
• 12:55
  SPEAKER_01: I was going to do it, but now I'm not.
• 12:57
  SPEAKER_00: It's so funny because you're so right.
• 12:59
  SPEAKER_00: We could go down the so it can go down so many rabbit holes with all of these things.
• 13:02
  SPEAKER_00: Because we talk about this and I'm like, give yourself a choice when you're you know when you're when you're met with demand avoidance.
• 13:08
  SPEAKER_00: I have a choice, actually.
• 13:09
  SPEAKER_00: I feel like I don't, but I have a choice.
• 13:11
  SPEAKER_00: I can unload the dishwasher that takes seven minutes, or I can scroll Instagram for seven minutes.
• 13:16
  SPEAKER_00: Neither one is good or bad.
• 13:17
  SPEAKER_00: There's no morality tied to either one of them.
• 13:19
  SPEAKER_00: You have a choice.
• 13:20
  SPEAKER_01: Now those choices have consequences.
• 13:22
  SPEAKER_01: So if you don't load your dishwasher and you don't do that, tomorrow morning is, you know, exactly.
• 13:26
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 13:27
  SPEAKER_00: A little busier.
• 13:28
  SPEAKER_00: You can yeah, you but but you're an adult.
• 13:29
  SPEAKER_00: You can do whatever you want.
• 13:30
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, good or bad.
• 13:31
  SPEAKER_00: There's just consequences, and you get to choose that.
• 13:33
  SPEAKER_00: If you'd rather be like, I'm not doing it.
• 13:35
  SPEAKER_00: Screw this, I'm not doing it tonight.
• 13:36
  SPEAKER_00: I'll deal with the consequences of the morning.
• 13:37
  SPEAKER_00: Sweet.
• 13:38
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 13:38
  SPEAKER_01: We tell that to our kids too.
• 13:40
  SPEAKER_01: Like, dude, there's consequences here.
• 13:43
  SPEAKER_01: You don't have to do that right now, but here's what your future is gonna look like.
• 13:46
  SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
• 13:47
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 13:47
  SPEAKER_00: Did you want to go to that, you know, birthday party this weekend?
• 13:50
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, we got to get stuff done so that it doesn't pile up anyway.
• 13:53
  SPEAKER_00: Like I said, we'll go off on tangents all day long.
• 13:55
  SPEAKER_00: Bring us back.
• 13:56
  SPEAKER_00: So bring us back.
• 13:57
  SPEAKER_00: Why this works.
• 13:58
  SPEAKER_00: Again, we go, um, we run on cues and dopamine, not discipline, like I said.
• 14:02
  SPEAKER_00: Um, starting from zero requires a lot of activation energy.
• 14:08
  SPEAKER_00: It's not to say that we can't do it.
• 14:10
  SPEAKER_00: We've all started new habits and we've all stuck with new habits.
• 14:13
  SPEAKER_00: So it's it definitely is possible, but it requires a lot.
• 14:16
  SPEAKER_00: It's asking a lot of ourselves.
• 14:18
  SPEAKER_00: So if there are some smaller things just for some quick wins, stack them.
• 14:23
  SPEAKER_00: Stack a small habit on top of an already kind of small habit that you don't have to think about.
• 14:27
  SPEAKER_00: Um, when you tie a new habit to something automatic, like brushing your teeth, me, your coffee, you bypass the oh, I forgot.
• 14:35
  SPEAKER_00: It totally skipped my mind.
• 14:37
  SPEAKER_00: Now, there's a caveat there.
• 14:39
  SPEAKER_00: When you are starting this new habit stacking, you will forget.
• 14:43
  SPEAKER_00: It's fine.
• 14:43
  SPEAKER_00: It's okay.
• 14:44
  SPEAKER_00: You will forget you're learning.
• 14:46
  SPEAKER_00: I'm supposed to be I'm supposed to be uh unloading the dishwasher while the coffee brews.
• 14:51
  SPEAKER_00: Dang, okay, cool.
• 14:52
  SPEAKER_00: No worries.
• 14:52
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 14:53
  SPEAKER_00: Instead of tomorrow.
• 14:55
  SPEAKER_00: One more thing we forgot.
• 14:56
  SPEAKER_00: Just, oh, yeah, I meant to do that.
• 14:58
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 14:58
  SPEAKER_00: How could I better remind myself?
• 15:00
  SPEAKER_00: In the interim, does it look like I hang a post-it on the coffee machine that says unload dishwasher?
• 15:05
  SPEAKER_00: Um, do I kind of wake up this uh aroundaboutly the same time every day because I got kids up and all of that?
• 15:10
  SPEAKER_00: Can I set a little bit of an alarm on my phone that says unload dishwasher?
• 15:13
  SPEAKER_00: And then when the alarm goes off, don't ignore it.
• 15:15
  SPEAKER_00: That's the hard part.
• 15:17
  SPEAKER_00: If you're in the middle of doing something else and that alarm goes off on your phone, hey Google, remind me in 10 minutes to unload the dishwasher.
• 15:24
  SPEAKER_00: Set it again.
• 15:25
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 15:25
  SPEAKER_00: Use our phones for you know, some good for once.
• 15:29
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and then another reason why this works is because you get that bonus dopamine hit when you realize you've knocked out two tasks at once.
• 15:36
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 15:36
  SPEAKER_01: It does.
• 15:37
  SPEAKER_01: It does feel good.
• 15:38
  SPEAKER_01: And then you're like, okay, that gives me just enough motivation to move on to the next thing or try something else.
• 15:44
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 15:45
  SPEAKER_00: When it comes to this habit stacking, it really is like turning like one small kind of spark into that chain reaction.
• 15:53
  SPEAKER_01: So yeah.
• 15:56
  SPEAKER_00: The things that we're talking about right now, and there's other ways, but we're talking about kind of um, and that's just the nature of how our conversation has gone.
• 16:01
  SPEAKER_00: We're talking about morning stuff.
• 16:03
  SPEAKER_00: So for me, I kind of look at these as momentum tasks, right?
• 16:07
  SPEAKER_00: Things to just give me a little bit of momentum because I am not motivated to unload the dishwasher.
• 16:11
  SPEAKER_00: I'm motivated for that coffee.
• 16:13
  SPEAKER_00: That's where that motivation is, but but I'm not motivated to unload the dishwasher.
• 16:18
  SPEAKER_00: That is not fun for me.
• 16:19
  SPEAKER_00: I don't like it.
• 16:20
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 16:20
  SPEAKER_00: So I need to just do a little bit of momentum.
• 16:22
  SPEAKER_00: Coffee goes on, I don't think about it, dishwasher's open, right?
• 16:26
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I have also, this goes back to time blindness and yada yada.
• 16:29
  SPEAKER_00: I've timed myself.
• 16:31
  SPEAKER_00: I know how long it takes.
• 16:32
  SPEAKER_00: So my brain will be like, oh, we don't have time.
• 16:33
  SPEAKER_00: It takes 20 minutes to unload the dishwasher.
• 16:35
  SPEAKER_00: It takes six and a half.
• 16:37
  SPEAKER_01: I I gamify it in the mornings.
• 16:39
  SPEAKER_01: I'm like, if I can get the dishwasher done before the boys have to run off and get on the bus, like bam, I'm winning.
• 16:47
  SPEAKER_01: And it's okay if I don't.
• 16:48
  SPEAKER_01: Exactly.
• 16:49
  SPEAKER_01: Sometimes the night before was like soccer and we just didn't get back in time.
• 16:53
  SPEAKER_01: But yeah, to gamify it in the morning.
• 16:57
  SPEAKER_01: Yep.
• 16:57
  SPEAKER_01: It's great.
• 16:58
  SPEAKER_00: And that's like a great dungeon.
• 17:00
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, that's a great thing as well.
• 17:03
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, put on your favorite song and see see what you can get done in that, you know, three minutes or whatever it is.
• 17:10
  SPEAKER_00: So, so yeah, so by you know, grabbing onto that one spark, that one momentum task, it leads into that chain reaction.
• 17:16
  SPEAKER_00: It doesn't have to be a huge chain, just a couple of things.
• 17:19
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, now we've got coffee, I've taken my vitamins, and the dishwasher is unloaded.
• 17:22
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my gosh, I'm already winning.
• 17:24
  SPEAKER_00: And you're doing all of this without needing a ton of willpower or a fancy new system morning routine, you know, Guinness Paltrow green juice.
• 17:34
  SPEAKER_00: You know what I mean?
• 17:34
  SPEAKER_00: You're able to kind of um do this on a morning routine light, if you will.
• 17:41
  SPEAKER_00: And of course, this can definitely be in the morning.
• 17:42
  SPEAKER_00: This can be at any time.
• 17:43
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 17:43
  SPEAKER_01: So what would habit stack, what does habit stacking look like for you?
• 17:46
  SPEAKER_01: Let's say, like just a like a midday and an evening habit stack.
• 17:50
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, so it, I mean, it definitely kind of um depends there what what the day looks like.
• 17:56
  SPEAKER_00: I have habit stacked.
• 17:58
  SPEAKER_00: I was trying to floss, right?
• 18:00
  SPEAKER_00: Like trying to get the habit of flossing.
• 18:02
  SPEAKER_00: And it was the floss stays out, so I can see it, and it is tied to my toothbrush.
• 18:07
  SPEAKER_00: It is like like literally tied to your toothbrush.
• 18:10
  SPEAKER_00: Like rubber banded.
• 18:11
  SPEAKER_00: They're rubber banded together.
• 18:12
  SPEAKER_00: They're rubber banded.
• 18:13
  SPEAKER_01: That's literally stacking.
• 18:15
  SPEAKER_01: That's physically stacking your habits.
• 18:18
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 18:18
  SPEAKER_00: Now, I don't always put it back on the rubber band now because now it's so ingrained.
• 18:23
  SPEAKER_00: I don't have to do that.
• 18:24
  SPEAKER_00: It is just, I just floss my teeth.
• 18:26
  SPEAKER_00: Like it's just part of it.
• 18:27
  SPEAKER_00: Like it's just kind of, you know, kind of what happens.
• 18:29
  SPEAKER_00: I also with the the dishwasher, everything gets rinsed because I don't, I don't want to have to like I'm I don't want to have to scrape the dried food off, right?
• 18:39
  SPEAKER_00: Gross.
• 18:40
  SPEAKER_01: And then dried food goes on everything else, and then you have to run it again, then you forget to run it again, and then you have to unload it, but it's not ready to be unloaded, but it's ready to be loaded.
• 18:48
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 18:48
  SPEAKER_00: So um evening is a little bit different.
• 18:52
  SPEAKER_00: Evening is a little bit different of it is habit stacking, but it's also might as well.
• 18:56
  SPEAKER_00: It's kind of my mantra for in the I might as well.
• 18:59
  SPEAKER_00: I'm already renting this, might as well put it in the dishwasher.
• 19:02
  SPEAKER_01: What are you doing?
• 19:02
  SPEAKER_01: I like that.
• 19:03
  SPEAKER_01: So it's almost a mental habit stacking that you've taught yourself, might as well.
• 19:09
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, might as well.
• 19:10
  SPEAKER_01: It's fine.
• 19:11
  SPEAKER_00: I, for a long time, and I've I've given up on this, and I'm totally fine with that.
• 19:14
  SPEAKER_00: This is totally okay.
• 19:15
  SPEAKER_00: It's, you know, another thing about our ADHD brains.
• 19:18
  SPEAKER_00: Some of these things will kind of wear off and the shiny will wear off, and we won't want to do it anymore.
• 19:21
  SPEAKER_00: But there was a time where the entire time I brushed my teeth, I would just do little squats.
• 19:25
  SPEAKER_00: I would like walk.
• 19:26
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, we have a really small little house, and I would just kind of like lunge from here, and then I would turn around and lunge back.
• 19:33
  SPEAKER_00: And that was just a way to just get in a little bit of movement.
• 19:36
  SPEAKER_00: Obviously, it's, you know, maybe 20 lunges.
• 19:39
  SPEAKER_00: It wasn't anything crazy.
• 19:40
  SPEAKER_00: But it was like, oh.
• 19:41
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, but those add up too.
• 19:43
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 19:43
  SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
• 19:44
  SPEAKER_00: So something like that.
• 19:44
  SPEAKER_00: So in the morning you're brushing your teeth, even if it's only a 30-second teeth brush, squat, squat, squat, squat.
• 19:49
  SPEAKER_00: Jump around, get the lymph nodes all ready to go.
• 19:52
  SPEAKER_00: You know what I mean?
• 19:53
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 19:53
  SPEAKER_00: So, and this this is really um personal, I guess, uh for each person.
• 19:59
  SPEAKER_00: What are the habits that you're wanting to build?
• 20:03
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 20:03
  SPEAKER_00: Is there something that you are wanting to do?
• 20:06
  SPEAKER_00: I do a brain dump every night.
• 20:09
  SPEAKER_00: And um, that's a good, I'm gonna write that one down a nightly.
• 20:13
  SPEAKER_00: We'll talk about it.
• 20:13
  SPEAKER_00: We'll talk about it in the next episode.
• 20:15
  SPEAKER_00: Don't you worry.
• 20:16
  SPEAKER_00: Good.
• 20:16
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but I have my brain dump book and it sits on my nightstand.
• 20:21
  SPEAKER_00: And so as soon as I get into bed, I just do a quick little brain dump.
• 20:25
  SPEAKER_00: I look at my calendar, I write down what needs to happen tomorrow, no particular order.
• 20:29
  SPEAKER_00: If I'm feeling froggy, I can put a couple of stars on things that I know are really high priority.
• 20:33
  SPEAKER_00: I typically don't have that much bandwidth at the end of the day to pick priorities.
• 20:37
  SPEAKER_00: That's something we already struggle with.
• 20:38
  SPEAKER_00: But yeah, excuse me, get it all out of my head.
• 20:41
  SPEAKER_00: That's gonna help me sleep better.
• 20:43
  SPEAKER_00: So it's not all rattling around up there, what I gotta do in tomorrow.
• 20:45
  SPEAKER_00: Do I have to thing tomorrow?
• 20:47
  SPEAKER_00: I totally forgot about that.
• 20:48
  SPEAKER_00: Or whatever it is.
• 20:49
  SPEAKER_00: Or, oh gosh, tomorrow's a little bit different.
• 20:51
  SPEAKER_00: I've got to be up earlier than usual.
• 20:53
  SPEAKER_00: Or, oh my gosh, I get to kind of sleep in tomorrow for whatever reason, right?
• 20:56
  SPEAKER_00: Like, give yourself it gives me a blueprint.
• 21:00
  SPEAKER_00: So I know that that is tied with I plug in my phone, I pick this up.
• 21:05
  SPEAKER_00: Like that too.
• 21:06
  SPEAKER_00: I just like that.
• 21:06
  SPEAKER_00: I plug in.
• 21:07
  SPEAKER_00: That's definitely something I need to implement.
• 21:09
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 21:09
  SPEAKER_00: I plug in my phone every night.
• 21:11
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not gonna, that is not that's just not something that I forget to do somehow.
• 21:15
  SPEAKER_00: I know some people struggle with that.
• 21:16
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I don't.
• 21:17
  SPEAKER_00: I immediately plug it in because I've been left in the lurch way too many times with no battery.
• 21:24
  SPEAKER_00: Um and then we do a little brain dump.
• 21:27
  SPEAKER_00: Check the calendar, do a brain dump, sleep well, wake up for coffee.
• 21:31
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 21:32
  SPEAKER_00: Um so yeah, so I know a lot of people are like, but what can I do?
• 21:36
  SPEAKER_00: Like right now.
• 21:37
  SPEAKER_00: Pick one anchor habit that you never forget.
• 21:41
  SPEAKER_00: Pick just one and then attach one micro habit to it.
• 21:45
  SPEAKER_00: So some examples brush your teeth, take your meds, uh coffee's brewing, unload dishwasher, wipe down the counters, quick little reset of the living room, um, you know, coffee brewing.
• 21:57
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 21:58
  SPEAKER_00: There's a there's a lot of examples here.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_00: Um feed the dog, take your meds.
• 22:05
  SPEAKER_00: Uh maybe it's feed the dog, check your calendar.
• 22:08
  SPEAKER_00: Hey, you don't have a dog.
• 22:09
  SPEAKER_00: Feed the kids, check your calendar, right?
• 22:11
  SPEAKER_00: Uh kids bedtime, reset one small area.
• 22:15
  SPEAKER_00: Just hey, we gotta start getting ready for bed.
• 22:17
  SPEAKER_00: Now, obviously that's going to depend on.
• 22:18
  SPEAKER_00: How does them help you?
• 22:19
  SPEAKER_00: Well, it yeah, it depends on if you've got, you know, a newborn and two-year-old or a seven and a teenager, sorry, yeah, right.
• 22:26
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 22:27
  SPEAKER_00: So again, um, adapt some of these to to what works for for you in your life.
• 22:32
  SPEAKER_00: But um, yeah, wash your face, plug in your phone, set your alarm, check your alarm.
• 22:38
  SPEAKER_01: It's funny because, you know, to a neurotypical brain, you're like, well, yeah, of course.
• 22:43
  SPEAKER_01: And I, you know, and that I feel like, why do I struggle with that?
• 22:46
  SPEAKER_01: Like, why do I have to figure out habit stacking?
• 22:48
  SPEAKER_01: And I realize it's just the way our brains are wired.
• 22:51
  SPEAKER_01: And this is what happens to work.
• 22:53
  SPEAKER_01: It is like I'm not just gonna remember.
• 22:56
  SPEAKER_00: No, and people talk a lot about, you know, ADHD stands for attention deficit hyperactive disorder.
• 23:03
  SPEAKER_00: But we are not deficit in attention.
• 23:05
  SPEAKER_00: We got plenty of it.
• 23:07
  SPEAKER_00: We have a hard time regulating where our attention goes.
• 23:11
  SPEAKER_00: It's a regulation disorder, in my opinion.
• 23:14
  SPEAKER_00: Um, you know, emotional regulation of where does this go?
• 23:18
  SPEAKER_00: So at night, we're trying to get kids in bed and do what everybody eat.
• 23:21
  SPEAKER_00: Where's the dog?
• 23:22
  SPEAKER_00: And oh, I just stepped on a Lego.
• 23:24
  SPEAKER_00: And, you know, do we have PJs?
• 23:26
  SPEAKER_00: And this one's crying, and you know, oh, do we have somebody in pull-ups in case they pee the bed?
• 23:31
  SPEAKER_00: Whatever it is, right?
• 23:32
  SPEAKER_00: There's a lot going on.
• 23:34
  SPEAKER_00: We're not in a vacuum with any of these, like, okay, and this is what I need to do.
• 23:39
  SPEAKER_00: That's not how that works, right?
• 23:41
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so setting up these systems for ourselves is just a you know, a manual that we can use.
• 23:47
  SPEAKER_00: And there's like I said, there's no morality tied to, I need to have a calendar.
• 23:50
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, cool.
• 23:51
  SPEAKER_00: Let's do this.
• 23:52
  SPEAKER_00: Awesome.
• 23:52
  SPEAKER_00: Let's lay in.
• 23:53
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 23:54
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 23:54
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 23:55
  SPEAKER_00: So yeah, that is my um, that is my advice on picking one.
• 24:00
  SPEAKER_00: Start with one.
• 24:00
  SPEAKER_00: And when your brain says, like, oh, but what if we could do five?
• 24:03
  SPEAKER_01: Don't do five.
• 24:06
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 24:07
  SPEAKER_00: You want to start building the foundation so that you you can stack on top of what you're stacking, right?
• 24:12
  SPEAKER_00: So you've got the the coffee machine and the dishwasher.
• 24:16
  SPEAKER_00: You're good.
• 24:16
  SPEAKER_00: That one is solid now.
• 24:18
  SPEAKER_00: Don't really have to think about it.
• 24:19
  SPEAKER_00: I might miss a day or two just being like lazy, which I don't like to use that word, but every once in a while I'll throw it out there.
• 24:25
  SPEAKER_00: Um, that one's good.
• 24:26
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, cool.
• 24:27
  SPEAKER_00: Do I want to add a new one now?
• 24:28
  SPEAKER_00: Now that that one is, it's kind of like when you're learning a sport.
• 24:32
  SPEAKER_00: You get really good at dribbling the basketball.
• 24:35
  SPEAKER_00: We're gonna run dribbling drills until you can dribble all over this court.
• 24:41
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 24:41
  SPEAKER_00: Now we're gonna, you know, that kind of thing.
• 24:43
  SPEAKER_00: So we want to do the same thing, or you're building the house.
• 24:45
  SPEAKER_00: You don't want to start building the staircase where you lay the foundation or doing them all the time.
• 24:49
  SPEAKER_01: And that's a good visual too.
• 24:50
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, we're gonna put up the drywall and we're gonna put up the framing and we're gonna pour the concrete and we're gonna put up the windows.
• 24:55
  SPEAKER_01: But we're gonna start decorating first.
• 24:57
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, exactly.
• 24:58
  SPEAKER_01: Exactly.
• 24:58
  SPEAKER_01: Right?
• 24:59
  SPEAKER_01: Like I know the paint colors.
• 25:00
  SPEAKER_00: Well, we don't have walls yet.
• 25:01
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, exactly.
• 25:03
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
• 25:03
  SPEAKER_00: So habit stacking is kind of like attaching a sticky note to something your brain already does, right?
• 25:10
  SPEAKER_00: So it's that gentle nudge saying, like, hey, remember this as well.
• 25:14
  SPEAKER_00: We're doing these, we're we're rewiring our brain.
• 25:16
  SPEAKER_00: It's neuroplasticity.
• 25:18
  SPEAKER_00: So we're we're keeping those neurons firing together and wiring together in that.
• 25:22
  SPEAKER_01: So they become best friends.
• 25:24
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, exactly.
• 25:24
  SPEAKER_01: BFs.
• 25:26
  SPEAKER_01: Our neurons can become best friends.
• 25:27
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 25:28
  SPEAKER_01: That's that's awesome.
• 25:30
  SPEAKER_01: Well, yeah, I appreciate you being on the show today, and I love all of these ideas.
• 25:34
  SPEAKER_01: And I like that we don't have to be overwhelmed with implementing all of these things.
• 25:38
  SPEAKER_01: Like just pick one.
• 25:40
  SPEAKER_01: And you also said micro, a little micro thing, like nothing huge, big.
• 25:44
  SPEAKER_01: Let's just start with little, let's be, let's get good at habit stacking and then slowly make bigger habits to stack.
• 25:52
  SPEAKER_00: I like that.
• 25:53
  SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
• 25:53
  SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
• 25:54
  SPEAKER_00: Like small steps lead to big transformations.
• 25:57
  SPEAKER_00: So do not underestimate the power of those small things that you're doing on a persistent basis.
• 26:06
  SPEAKER_00: I love it.
• 26:06
  SPEAKER_01: Leah, how can people find you?
• 26:08
  SPEAKER_01: I know you're an ADHD coach and you offer that.
• 26:11
  SPEAKER_01: Um, where can they find you?
• 26:13
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, so you can find me on Instagram.
• 26:15
  SPEAKER_00: I am not like the biggest fan of social media, but I do show up there on occasion.
• 26:20
  SPEAKER_00: So it's at adhd.coach.leah.
• 26:24
  SPEAKER_00: You can find me there, and you've got all kinds of links to all kinds of fun stuff.
• 26:27
  SPEAKER_00: You can also just go to my website, leaccoaching.com, and those are going to be the best places to um find my work, to schedule a free coaching call with me to kind of start getting a handle on where you're struggling.
• 26:42
  SPEAKER_00: See if we can offer some support.
• 26:44
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
• 26:45
  SPEAKER_00: Appreciate it.
• 26:46
  SPEAKER_00: Thanks.