Latest / The FEEL Podcast: Women’s Empowerment, Emotional Wellness and Self-Leadership with Melissa Crook / Healing After Loss, Faith After Pain: Gina Economopoulos on Boundaries, Recovery & Self-Discovery

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Healing After Loss, Faith After Pain: Gina Economopoulos on Boundaries, Recovery & Self-Discovery · The FEEL Podcast: Women’s Empowerment, Emotional Wellness and Self-Leadership with Melissa Crook

0:00
And lo behold, you know, there, there was a moment that they
0:03
said you belong here. And at the end of my 12 years,
0:07
they said, oh, you don't belong here.
0:09
I'm like what? Yeah.
0:11
And, and and I endured a lot of suffering during that time with
0:15
my mouth closed. I didn't say a word of the way I
0:18
was mistreated. It wasn't anything sexual, but
0:23
it was emotional. It was real emotional
0:26
mistreatment and but of course they didn't see it then I and at
0:32
the time some people knew about how I was being mistreated and
0:36
they saw it, but I was like, no, you know, I was not.
0:39
I didn't have anything in me. I didn't have no security in me.
0:43
I didn't have no self-care in me.
0:46
I didn't have any boundaries in me to say, you know what, this
0:50
is wrong. The way you're treating me now,
0:53
I don't like this. I, I just was like bewildered.
0:57
I was like, what's going on? And then of course, asking God,
1:00
God, you know, I'm in final vows.
1:03
We're married. How could you do this to me?
1:06
And, and literally, you know, the day that they told me to
1:10
leave, I left and it was the hardest day.
1:13
But then yet in hindsight, it was the most Freedom Day, was
1:17
the best day. Hello and welcome to the field
1:20
podcast. Today I'm your host, Melissa
1:23
Crook. I'm here with a friend that I
1:25
got to meet with a couple of months ago and a pre need to get
1:29
to know each other. We were connected on it with our
1:32
good from our good friends at Podmatch, which I'm always so
1:34
thankful for. They bring me the most
1:36
spectacular women and today's guest is going to just add to
1:41
that list. And I should have checked with
1:44
Gina before we got on, but I have Gina Economopolis here with
1:48
me today. Get that right?
1:50
You got that right, Melissa. I love it, Gina.
1:54
She describes herself as someone with humor.
1:58
She's trustworthy, she's reliable, she's responsible,
2:02
she's spiritual, she's beautiful, she's godly and she's
2:06
positive. And boy does she have a story to
2:08
share with you today. She has had some adventures and
2:12
some seasons. She's got a number one best
2:15
selling book that she released last summer.
2:18
So much to share with Gina today, so welcome to the Field
2:22
podcast. Thank you, Melissa.
2:26
It is so good to be here and with all your listeners.
2:29
Very exciting. Yes, good stuff.
2:31
All right, we're going to start right off at the beginning.
2:34
Like I said, you have had many adventures in your life, some
2:38
more exciting than others. You know, life likes to throw us
2:42
curveballs and introduce different pop quizzes to us at
2:47
times. A friend used that word
2:49
yesterday. But talk.
2:50
So talk to me through this adventure you've been on.
2:53
Talk to me about how what you've learned about prioritizing
2:56
yourself care and taking care of yourself well.
3:01
Wow, yes, my life has been an adventure and I it's not I
3:05
didn't they were, they weren't curveballs.
3:07
They were darts. Darts.
3:09
I came in my life, you know, babe, babe and I and I can laugh
3:13
about it now or look about it. You know, I look back upon it
3:17
and saying, yeah, that's what formed me and shake me for the
3:20
person who I am today where I can do self-care today, I can
3:24
love myself today. I could beat Gina today because,
3:29
you know, years ago, the beginning of my journey, really
3:32
going back as a child, I didn't know who Gina was.
3:35
And and now going through a lot of chapters in my life, one
3:41
would say a lot of paths or filled, you know, sound filled
3:45
with pain and sufferings. And there was joy.
3:48
There was like a breathing moment between each, you know,
3:52
it was in the full moment of joy or I mean, but it would help me
3:56
to breathe until the next wrench or the next thing that came my
4:00
life, which I didn't realize. Yeah.
4:03
And so today, you know, when you talk about self-care, it's like,
4:07
wow, I never knew what that word was like 15 years ago, 12 years
4:12
ago, whatever, you know? And now today, and I'm learning,
4:16
I'm learning more and more to be to say yes to things I need
4:22
could say yes to and to say no, no, it's a complete sentence.
4:26
I'd say no. I, you know, I need to breathe.
4:28
I need to take care of me today. I need a me day or I need
4:31
something or, you know, so, so it's been, it's been, like you
4:36
said, it is an adventure. It's been such an adventure.
4:40
It's I could say today with a big smile, it's all worth it.
4:45
And yeah, so I mean, and, and yes, I did write my book about
4:49
my adventure about those, the darts and the curve balls and
4:54
the the negativity, all that and the non self-care.
4:59
One would say, I guess I don't know if that's a word, but but I
5:02
didn't take care of self so. Yeah, yeah, Yeah.
5:06
I think too. I mean, you brought up something
5:07
or you know, you came up in you were at it was seventh of eight
5:12
children. Is that correct in your family?
5:15
That is, that is the correct. It was the seventh, yeah. 7th of
5:19
eight children, a lively, loving Greek, Italian family, lots of
5:25
people around. And then you went on, you know,
5:27
you went off, you went to college, you went on your own
5:30
adventure and then you be. And for a while you were the
5:34
bartender, social worker, helping people, you know,
5:37
navigate all their crises with, you know, a little, you know,
5:40
sociology background, psychology background to help you with
5:43
that. But then you went, you became a
5:46
nun and then that was an adventure.
5:49
So through that and the difficulties, because you and I
5:53
talked and met before and talked about the challenges that you
5:55
ran into these different places, you at some point along the way
6:00
had to learn about healthy boundaries and how to protect
6:05
yourself and your well-being. So talk to me about.
6:09
That Yeah, definitely. And you're correct.
6:13
I'm from New York, Long Island, Greek, Italian family, big
6:16
family. Mom loved to cook.
6:18
He she was a housewife house mother raised all our kids and
6:22
my dad was a hard worker put all eight of us through college.
6:25
I mean, we were unconditionally low.
6:28
Yeah, big time. And that, and that's what
6:30
carried me because at the same time, when I I was born with a
6:35
lot of health problems, out of all the 8, I was the one that
6:40
had surgeries. I was born with a hip
6:42
dislocation. And I always felt throughout my
6:45
life, throughout my childhood and even throughout my life that
6:49
if something bad is going to happen, it's going to happen to
6:52
Gina. Like there was like a black
6:53
clock. I felt like the black sheep.
6:55
I compared myself. Look at my siblings, you know,
6:58
they're all athletic, they're gorgeous, they're pretty, they
7:01
got boyfriends. And look at Gina, you know?
7:04
And so I kind of formed that interior.
7:08
That's why I said I lost Gina inside.
7:10
You know, it wasn't like that was in love on the outside, but
7:13
in the inside, I was insecure. Yeah.
7:17
Looking at my friends, looking at, you know, I'm not this
7:20
person. I'm not that person.
7:22
And why am I struggling? Why am I all this and that kind
7:25
that carry with me? Well, then in college it carried
7:29
with me because I really didn't know who I was.
7:31
So I took up drinking because I, you know, drinking took away all
7:36
that pain and security. Like yeah, I'm life of the
7:39
party. I'm the center of attention.
7:41
Everybody loved Gina and and deep down, that's what I was
7:45
seeking for was all our love and acceptance.
7:48
And they say I found it in all the wrong places.
7:51
And, and so, you know, and then from there afterwards, I went to
7:56
go live with my family after college.
7:58
And, and that's why I bartended, like you said, Yep, I was a
8:01
bartender. I'm like, this is it, this is my
8:04
life. I'm the center of attention.
8:06
I'm familiar with the environment.
8:08
I'm, I'm living with my parents. But, but yet I'm, I'm still
8:11
living like A2 separate life. You know, whenever, when I'm
8:14
with my parents, I'm, they love me.
8:17
Everybody loved me so and even in the bar.
8:19
But then yet during that time, my mom was diagnosed with
8:22
cancer. And that was my first tragedy in
8:25
my life, first trauma scene. My mom died because she was
8:29
diagnosed with bone cancer and terminally ill four to six
8:34
months to live and she lived five months and and it just so
8:37
happens that me of all the siblings were home with my mom.
8:43
So once again, why me? I mean, it was a great gift in
8:48
hindsight. I don't, you know, I really, I
8:51
was questioning why me? But at the same time, it was a
8:53
gift. My younger brother went off to
8:55
college. So it's just my dad myself
8:58
taking care of my mom with the help of my siblings.
9:00
They came in and out and well, then she died.
9:04
And so I was literally like, what do I do with my life?
9:07
I was just a bartender. I took care of my mom the last
9:10
five months, actually watching her die.
9:13
Now backing up Melissa, I was raised Catholic, so received all
9:18
my sacraments, but yet I was one of those kids that didn't need
9:22
God. Like, no, I didn't.
9:25
I didn't need the church. It's not cool.
9:27
I'm not going to be loved if somebody knows I go to church
9:31
and all that. So, so when my mom died, I ended
9:35
up coming back to the church, back to my Catholic faith, back
9:39
to the roots. And in that I had what would say
9:42
a Saint Paul conversion like aha, you know, I fell off the
9:45
horse, I fell off the bar stool, whatever you want to call it.
9:48
And I'm like, yes, that's my purpose.
9:51
I'm going to go join to be a nun.
9:53
And that's what brought me to be a Catholic nun.
9:55
It was just in hindsight, I was just looking, I was looking for
10:01
that, that love and that acceptance.
10:03
I was just looking for that Gina.
10:05
I was looking for that person within me.
10:07
And I thought being a nun, which is a high calling, it's a
10:11
supernatural call in the Catholic Church that yeah, this
10:15
is it. And, and at the time, I felt it
10:19
really was it. Yeah.
10:20
I mean, I didn't question, I didn't really question God in
10:23
the beginning of my religious life.
10:27
And but yet by the time I left, which was 12 years later, I
10:31
literally got kicked out. And then I questioned my God.
10:34
Why again? Why me?
10:36
Why did why did you call me and not call me?
10:39
Why did you know? Because I, like I said, I was
10:41
emotionally abused in the religious community.
10:45
We lived a very austere life, full habits left on the floor,
10:49
you name it. I was in the South Bronx of
10:51
Franciscan. So we worked and served the poor
10:54
as well as evangelist evangelization to whoever comes
10:58
our way. No, it's like saying, oh, go
11:00
back to church, come, come to know Jesus, etcetera.
11:04
But yet at the same time, the sisters back then in my eyes
11:10
today, they were dysfunctional, did not realize.
11:13
Is it still looking for that love now my mom died, you know,
11:16
just looking for that peace within thinking.
11:18
I find it in religious life in the church and little behold,
11:23
you know, there, there was a moment that they said you belong
11:26
here. And at the end of my 12 years,
11:29
they said, oh, you don't belong here.
11:31
I'm like what? Yeah.
11:32
And and and I endured a lot of suffering during that time with
11:36
my mouth closed. I didn't say a word of the way I
11:40
was mistreated. It wasn't anything sexual, but
11:45
it was emotional. It was real emotional
11:48
mistreatment. And but of course they didn't
11:51
see it then I and at the time, some people knew about how I was
11:57
being mistreated and they saw it, but I was like, no, you
12:00
know, I was not. I didn't have anything in me.
12:03
I didn't have no security in me. I didn't have no self-care.
12:07
I mean, I didn't have any boundaries in me to say, you
12:11
know what, this is wrong. The way you're treating me now.
12:15
I don't like this. I I just was like bewildered.
12:18
I was like, what's going on? And then of course, asking God,
12:21
God, you know, I'm in final vows, we're married.
12:26
How could you do this to me? And, and literally, you know,
12:31
the day that they told me to leave, I left.
12:33
And it was the hardest day. But then yet in hindsight, it
12:37
was the most freedom day. It was the best day of my life
12:41
without realizing it. Like I was such in a dark black
12:44
cloud that as I was moving and as these darts were hitting me
12:48
or these, you know, curve balls, I just kept moving with it
12:52
without realizing what I was doing.
12:55
I was still, I was just so broken when I left the sisters
13:00
that I, you know, I was just a wanderer in life, coming back
13:06
into the world, the material, you know, material world.
13:09
So. Yeah.
13:10
Well, and I think, you know, so many times we seek solace in
13:14
places that we have been told or believe are going to bring us
13:19
that peace we're looking for. And then they surprise us
13:21
because I think sometimes we forget that these humans in
13:25
these roles are, in fact human. They are not, they are not
13:31
infallible. And so I think it's a lot of
13:33
times they've got their own stories that contribute to the
13:37
way they show up and and treat other people that maybe haven't
13:42
been tended to. And sometimes we forget that
13:44
when we look at these spaces and places.
13:46
So you come out of here and you're at this new turn in life.
13:54
Talk to me about those next steps you took because you, you
13:57
and and when it at what point you realized, oh, this treatment
14:02
of me was violating my value, my worth, my the way I should be
14:09
treated in the world. When did that realization?
14:13
It, it came like so here after I left, I was broken, did not know
14:18
what to do. So I went to go live with men
14:20
and women with disabilities, sort of a great transition
14:23
place. And, and in that, I mean, I was
14:27
still wandering. I was so confused because it
14:30
took me a long time to really realize that my, that I was
14:34
crushed. I, I would have to say my
14:37
spiritual director at the time, who I went to see afterwards.
14:41
He literally says, you know, Gina, they their sister, they're
14:45
they're crushing your personality.
14:48
I go, what my, why are they doing that?
14:51
Like honestly, Melissa, I had no insider, no outside form.
14:55
Like I was just like, but I'm a good person.
14:57
Why are people hurting me? And I didn't realize that that,
15:01
you know, because I'm in religious community.
15:02
And yes, I learned now, you know, we're all human and we all
15:06
have our weakness and we do fall short.
15:09
I know that now, but back then I, I was just in this Quander
15:13
like I was just wondering. So, so it took me a lot, a long
15:16
time really to realize that myself worth and myself here,
15:21
because as my journey continue, okay, I realized maybe a year
15:26
after I left, I says, okay, I'm not going to go back to
15:28
religious life because people loved me.
15:31
They all knew me. And when, when they knew that I
15:33
left, sister Regina left this, this community, which is a high
15:37
prestige community. Oh my God, where you going next?
15:40
You'd be such a great asset. Because I know that's one thing.
15:43
I kind of know that I do have a great heart and I am an asset to
15:47
people. I can be.
15:49
And then my response was like, why would I want to go to
15:52
another community where I was so hurt, you know, from this
15:55
previous one, I'm done, I'm done.
15:58
And I had to learn to say, OK God, I fulfill 1 vocation
16:02
because that's what it is, a vocation in life.
16:05
And now I was whatever you want, whatever you want to take me in
16:09
my second vocation. And at this point, I left the
16:13
men and women with disabilities because I'm like, OK, I'm in my
16:17
40s. I want to do what Gina wants to
16:19
do because like I shared with you was going from one thing to
16:22
another to another, like, boom, mom dies finding God, going into
16:26
the convent now getting out now it's like, you know, what does
16:30
Gina want to do? And she she loves the beach.
16:33
So I came down to the Jersey Shore.
16:36
I'm in my 40s, did not know how to rent an apartment, all this
16:40
stuff. My dad was alive at the time and
16:42
he supported me no matter what in the convent, at the convent,
16:46
he was always there. You know, he says, don't worry,
16:49
when the door closes, the door opens and make lemon out of
16:52
lemonade, whatever, you know, like all those good sayings,
16:55
those encouragement, supporting sayings.
16:57
So I did, I came to the back. I came to the Jersey Shore
17:00
because that's the only place I would say the beginning of
17:03
myself. Care in hindsight, because the
17:06
beach reminds me of heaven and earth.
17:11
Where heaven and earth meets where.
17:13
So I'm like, OK, this is where I guess I belong.
17:17
Gina had to get a job. What she could do is be a nun or
17:21
be a bartender. So I went back to bartending.
17:23
So I mean, it's like, come on, you know, like I because at this
17:26
point I was kind of tired of God, tired of discernment, tired
17:31
this. And to be honest with you, when
17:34
I was in my teens, I thought that by now I would be married,
17:38
have kids like everyone else in my, my peers and everyone that
17:43
right, I have white picket fence, but that didn't happen
17:46
and I'm in my 40s. So I go back to bartending and I
17:49
was like, OK, enough is enough. You know, I'm just going to
17:52
enjoy like joy being by the beach, love, love the beach and
17:57
see what goes from there. And then, you know, as I'm
18:00
bartending, that's where Danny comes in, gentlemen.
18:04
And I'm like, wow, we we connected.
18:07
I was like, OK, well, maybe, maybe I could, you know, have a
18:10
relationship. I never really had a
18:13
relationship in my life with a guy.
18:16
Yeah. So I'm like, yeah, maybe this is
18:19
what I'm looking for is I love loving for me accepting me and
18:24
and Danny did not know I was a nun because prior to that on my
18:28
previous so-called dates or meeting guys, I just blot out Oh
18:33
yeah, I was a nun and this would happen.
18:35
I was sent away all this, this this you know, I paint suffering
18:39
and of course they never called me and I didn't know, you know
18:42
what I mean? It's like, I would be like, how
18:44
come they're not calling me here?
18:46
I'm thinking I'll have a date. I mean, and I never did.
18:50
And then when Danny came in, I just said I was a social worker
18:53
and we just started talking. And then in time, I did tell him
18:56
I was a former nun and it didn't scare him.
18:59
I said, OK, maybe this guy would be, you know, he's very kind,
19:02
nice. But then I come to find out that
19:04
he's an alcoholic and he was drinking at the time.
19:09
So my mind goes to why me again? Why can't I die?
19:15
Not that he wasn't well, he wasn't normal because out you
19:18
know, he was drinking. He was active in his addiction
19:21
and but he was a great guy when he didn't drink.
19:24
So it was like, that's the guy I want.
19:26
And but then yet once again, I'm thinking God could do anything,
19:31
you know, I'm still have my connection with God and praying
19:35
like. And at the time I didn't know
19:39
what does the disease of alcoholism was all about.
19:42
Yeah, so that was a new thing for me again, something new.
19:46
It's like, why, you know, here's another chapter, OK?
19:50
You know, he's going to try to get sober because we, we fell in
19:53
love and, you know, we, we had so much in common beyond it all.
19:57
He's like, OK, you know, this is good.
19:59
And but yet as time went on, he was trying to stop and and I was
20:06
still unfamiliar, like I said, with the disease.
20:09
I went to Allen on, which is a 12 step program for families and
20:12
friends who have someone, you know, addiction in their family
20:17
or friendship or surrounding. And so I went to Allen on
20:21
thinking I could control him, I could manipulate him, I could
20:24
enable him, but that that kind of went out the window because
20:28
ultimate make a real Long story short, Danny ended up dying from
20:33
the disease like 2 1/2 years later for a wedding day.
20:37
I found him dead from, from the disease of alcoholism.
20:42
And, and he had a tragic story. I mean, it was very tragic.
20:48
And I'm, but all I could think is like, why God, why me?
20:51
Why, Why again? Because not only I lost Danny at
20:54
that day, few months before that I lost his mother because the
20:58
two of them were in a car accident.
21:00
I mean, there's so much you talk about darts.
21:03
My darts are getting deeper and pointier and like, and so when I
21:09
found Danny dead who everything went out the window for me.
21:14
Everything life went out the window breathing while I had to
21:19
breathe. But yeah, say like I was such in
21:22
a dark, dark place. self-care. I don't even self forget about
21:26
self-care. You know, like everything,
21:28
everything went out the window and I came to a point in my
21:33
mind, heart and state of being that my life, Gina's life was to
21:38
suffer, was meant to suffer. I, I didn't have any ounce of me
21:43
to continue to really breathe and push forward because I did
21:47
push forward, you know, as a sister after the sister, before
21:50
the sister with my mom and everything like this now with
21:53
Danny. OK, keep pushing forward.
21:55
Everything is good. And then all of a sudden, you
21:57
know, things happen and, and I just like surrendered, like
22:02
totally surrendered, but never realizing once again in that
22:06
dark time of surrendering in that dark pain that there was
22:12
light, not realizing that there was such a dimmer, A dimmer,
22:16
real dimmer of light behind it, which I never really thought
22:22
there was. Other people might see it
22:24
because I but not Gina. I was, I did not see it so.
22:28
Yeah. Well, and I mean, I think too,
22:31
you really explained it like so many times.
22:33
You know, we talk about the connection between mental,
22:35
emotional, physical health and when we have difficult
22:39
backgrounds and times, so many times those feelings and those
22:42
emotions that come up and impact us are so hard that we numb.
22:47
And you know, you, you the alcoholism is a numbing and it
22:51
that is a tragic example of the physical impacts of our
22:56
emotional mental health. When we numb.
22:59
It literally took his life. And so it just points back to
23:03
the fact that numbing is not healthy or sustainable and it
23:09
can have very tragic consequences.
23:12
Yeah, so true, so true. It's like you're living in an
23:16
unhealthy solution. And to be honest, I was living
23:21
in an unhealthy solution because when Danny died, even though I
23:25
thought I was healthy, even though I had God in my life or
23:28
didn't have God, I mean, I should say when Danny died, God
23:31
was out of my life. I divorced him.
23:33
I was like, yeah, enough, enough.
23:35
You know, I, I said I married God, I divorced him.
23:37
He's on the couch. So be it.
23:39
You know, you, you not that I didn't believe in him, but he's
23:42
just, you know, enough. Yeah.
23:44
I don't need this anymore. And so.
23:46
But then, yeah. With Danny's story, once again,
23:49
there was a stir in my heart. Or not a stir, not to say yes,
23:53
but I I did go to these a a meetings just just to find out
23:57
why did Danny die from this disease?
23:59
And you guys are living. Couldn't understand, You know, I
24:02
was just always trying to figure this out.
24:04
Why? Why it was Gina.
24:06
Why, you know, Gina, Why? And so I go in to these meetings
24:11
and, and I realized as I'm talk, as they're listening, crying,
24:15
anger and everything. Meanwhile, I didn't, I hate a
24:18
guy with a passion. Nobody knew I was a former nun.
24:22
They all they knew was that I lost my fiance to this disease,
24:25
But I'm not an alcoholic. You guys are so it and it's so
24:31
I'm a very slow learner because it wasn't until like 10 months
24:34
later that it came to realize that, wow, I had I had a bad
24:39
relationship with alcohol. Wow, I'm an alcoholic because so
24:44
true. I get back to your point when
24:46
you said earlier that we numb our pain, we run away from our
24:51
pain. We think that this is great.
24:54
You know, we think that alcohol or drugs, whatever addiction
24:58
could be something that that's a way that is not healthy for us,
25:03
that we think for it's a temporary fix.
25:06
We realize that we think it's a permanent fix, but it's a
25:09
temporary. So when I came to realize I got
25:14
aha moment, you know, and then I'm thinking when I said it was
25:18
on April 2nd, 2015, when I said my name is Gina, I'm an
25:21
alcoholic. I'm like, Oh my God.
25:23
Another thing to add in my book, you know, like I didn't know
25:26
where it was taking me and and and I know it was my higher
25:29
power God, who was working through me to say, Hey, Gina,
25:33
this is where you needed to be 30 years ago.
25:36
This is where I wanted you. But that wasn't that wasn't my
25:39
story for you. Yeah.
25:41
Because you know, in hindsight, I look back, of course, we, I
25:44
could have used the 12 step program 30 years ago.
25:47
Because, you know, now being in the program for over 10 years
25:51
now, I'm like, OK, aha. I, I regained myself.
25:57
I, I got a new life in, in a sense with, with God.
26:02
Like I said in the beginning, I hated God.
26:04
And then learning that I'm an alcoholic and it took me a while
26:07
because I'm like, it can't be Gina.
26:10
I can't be Sister Regina. No, no, not me.
26:13
No, my family's good. No, can't you know, And because
26:17
the world thinks alcoholism and those who are having addiction
26:21
problem are bad people and you can't have it.
26:25
They're shameful and guilt and and all that.
26:28
And but that's not true. That's not true.
26:31
It's just another ordinary disease that people have can't
26:35
control. And if we come to learn that and
26:37
realize that not only for for ourselves or for the alcoholic
26:41
themselves, then there's like an aha moment.
26:44
There's an opportunity for a doorway or a time to heal.
26:49
Yeah. When you and, and and that's
26:51
what I realized, Melissa, as you probably as you encounter many
26:55
women, you're talking once they have that aha moment, whether we
26:59
now whatever may be like, sure, haha.
27:02
The healing journey can begin because you can't.
27:05
You know who you are and you hope and you know who you're
27:08
not. You know who you're not?
27:12
Yeah, I think. And you stop trying to be
27:16
something you're not, and you finally come home to you.
27:20
And I think that is, you know, that is the definition of
27:23
showing up for yourself unapologetically.
27:26
But you not only do that, you really support others in doing
27:30
that as well because of what you learned.
27:33
So talk to me about that. Kind of, yeah.
27:36
That that realization that, wait a minute, I can help myself, but
27:40
I can help other people. Too Yes, I I do right, you know,
27:44
of course, being in the rooms of AA, which I am still today, I
27:48
help out other Alcoholics trying to achieve so variety of just
27:52
being there, listening, sharing my experience, strength and hope
27:56
in that way and you know, being present from the get go.
28:00
I always had a compassionate heart.
28:02
You know, my, that that's one thing, a heart of service.
28:05
And now I've learned how to balance my service.
28:07
Like I'm not there to be a people pleaser, which that, that
28:11
was my people pleaser, you know, like I would please everyone.
28:15
Now I've learned to, what's my motivation?
28:19
You know what, you know what, what do you need?
28:22
How can I help you? And then in that, not only in
28:26
the rooms of a a, I'm also a certified end of life dueler,
28:30
which means that I am present to the dying.
28:32
I put my service to the dying and, and that's just something
28:37
that was always within me, even as a sister.
28:40
I I would really develop as a sister, but it really developed
28:44
when with my mom. Sure.
28:47
I I took care of my mother, like I said, but mind you, I didn't
28:51
have any faith, no hope, no love and no God.
28:56
So I'm holding on to my mom saying you got to stay on here.
28:59
You got to be my mother. But then, yeah, that's where I
29:02
realized that, you know, there is a God, there is a heaven,
29:05
there is a place after this, whether it's the universe,
29:08
whatever peaceful place that one believes in, which is great,
29:12
that's not here. I was like, Oh my God, that that
29:15
is that sounds more peaceful told them being here like, like
29:19
I have no control. Like I was holding on control
29:21
for my mom's passing. But yet like all this, you know,
29:26
God, And that's where I had to learn, you know, I had to really
29:29
learn to say I don't have any control.
29:33
But then in that God put that desire of helping other people
29:36
pass from this life. And as a sister, it just came
29:40
really natural. People would call me, I'd go to
29:43
the hospital, whoever it may be. Doesn't matter what faith you're
29:46
at, doesn't matter what age, whatever, whatever you want, I'm
29:49
there and I enjoyed it. I was like, because I know where
29:53
they're going in the I heart, you know, I'm like I because
29:57
I've tasted hell here on earth. And now, you know, tasting the
30:02
little brightness of bright, I'm like, and this is where you're
30:04
going. So then a few years ago I
30:07
learned that there was a you could be certified at end of
30:10
life Dueler. And to be honest, I didn't know
30:11
what that meant. What is the end of life Dueler?
30:14
And they said is to be present helping service to the dying.
30:19
And, and I was like, wow, it's like an additional Hospice.
30:23
I mean, it's not part of Hospice.
30:25
It's sort of like, you know, if, if that family needs that extra
30:29
need. And when I'm talking about that
30:31
extra need, maybe that spiritual support, that comfort, those
30:34
prayers being present, not saying a word, saying a word,
30:38
whatever it is. And there's no right way and
30:41
there's no wrong way. There's just a way where I learn
30:46
to my spiritual God and to put me in places like, OK, how how
30:52
do you want me to serve these people?
30:54
Yeah. And what what do they want?
30:56
How what can I help them? And, you know, and how or how
30:59
can I help them? You know, whatever I can do, I
31:02
can't take it away from them. I can't.
31:04
And and then I could be there for the family.
31:07
I can't take their pain away from their difficulty because it
31:10
is it is difficult. I've been there.
31:12
It is challenging. I've been there.
31:15
It is a loss time. I've been there and I don't say
31:19
to them all, you know you're going to get through it.
31:20
No, I can't say that because God has a different journey and a
31:24
story for each one of them. What I could do is just be
31:28
present, pray what whatever is good for them, whatever they,
31:33
whether they have faith or no faith or whatever, what whatever
31:38
it is. And in the long run, I always
31:40
say, OK, God, you put me, you allowed this, You put me into
31:43
these to this situation. Show me, pray for them.
31:49
And and I always find such peace in in the situation I go to.
31:55
They may not have the peace, but I know in myself that there is
31:58
peace. And I also know that one day
32:00
they will find their peace too. So this is give some hope and
32:06
absolutely. Yeah, And I think this speaks so
32:10
well to your why and your values.
32:12
You were able to tap into that compassionate side, learn from
32:17
all those different experiences you've been through, see where
32:19
your strengths were and how you could show up for others in a
32:23
way that was honoring to your why and your values.
32:26
And so it's so clear now how knowing those have informed how
32:30
you were able to show up in the world today.
32:32
And that also has, you know, empowered you to live out of
32:36
your own expectations. You're knowing the people
32:39
pleasing part. You're no longer trying to morph
32:43
yourself into something that you think will please or appease
32:47
others. You're now showing up
32:49
unapologetically as yourself. You know, aligning with your
32:53
wine, your values, and living out of your own expectations.
32:57
Talk to me about what that feels like.
32:59
Wow. It's very exciting, you know, to
33:01
be, to be today. But I've also have to remind
33:04
myself, I mean, this journey is an unending journey.
33:08
My healing continues to be healing.
33:10
My faith is and that I'm human. I'm human Melissa that I can
33:15
fall short. Yes, I can fall back into that
33:19
people pleaser, but I'm not there anymore.
33:21
You know, I I have the power within me and the source is in
33:24
me and in my source is God. The universe, whatever one will
33:27
call it is to deep in and to say, hey, I need your help.
33:31
Hey, I can't do this. Hey, you know, I, I feel, you
33:36
know, sad today and that's OK. And that's what I learned and
33:40
that's what empowers me. So many things empower me.
33:44
But but today's is the is to say it's OK to feel.
33:49
It's OK to be, it's OK to be angry.
33:52
Yes, I could be angry even today.
33:54
Yes, I could show up to life, but I may not like what things
33:58
are going on in the world or within myself or within my
34:02
family or friends. And and then it's like, OK, what
34:05
can I do about it? I feel my anger.
34:08
Yes, I'm angry. I make journal it out, write it
34:11
out. I can, you know, talk about it
34:13
with someone. I could talk to God about it and
34:16
say, you know, God, I'm angry. And sometimes he'll say, well,
34:20
you know what? I'm angry too.
34:21
Yeah. Like because he feels too, you
34:24
know, God feels too, you know, and we don't realize that I
34:27
guess he's all powerful and but he's, he's just as human as we
34:31
are. So he feels those feelings that
34:34
we have, you know, as a woman, as a male, whatever may be, and
34:38
that empowers us like, OK, God, what, you know, talking to him.
34:42
And, and so, and that's what I learned today.
34:45
You know, of course, my, my, I don't take my sobriety or my
34:49
life for granted. And each day, my motto right now
34:53
is I grow and change, change and grow, change and grow, grow and
34:57
change, because that's, that's what it's all about.
35:00
Until God willing, I'll be in that that heaven or in that
35:04
bliss within me. I know that there's peace where
35:07
I'll be at real home or or true my true home.
35:11
I say until then. So I mean now it's like it's
35:16
been more exciting because I'm I'm free where I know who I am.
35:20
Like we shared before, like when you know who you are, but I'm
35:24
continue to know who Gina is and there and I have to be honest to
35:29
you and all the listeners. There's some things like you
35:31
know what, I'm not ready yet to give up.
35:32
You know what I'm saying, but I know that I know, you know, I
35:36
don't like that I need a 24 hour before I could do a response,
35:40
you know, 24 hours before I could response.
35:43
And, and it's just learning. It's just learning about it.
35:46
And then, but sometimes my first response is like, you know.
35:52
I know, I know it's easy to, I mean, I think that you've made
35:55
such a good point of like, we're not going to show it perfect all
35:58
the time, but now you've got the resources within you and you
36:01
know who you are to get yourself back on the track that you want
36:05
to be on because those things. Are going to happen, yeah.
36:07
Absolutely. Those things are going to
36:09
happen. So talk to me about the book,
36:11
too. I mean it.
36:13
You're holding a book. On oh, my book is called shake
36:16
the dust off your feet and walk. It's available on Amazon and
36:20
it's a, it's a story what I shared with you all, but it's,
36:23
it goes in more details and it, and it goes to the more details
36:27
of those darts and pains and joys and, and where I am today
36:32
and where I am today. I mean, we after Danny died
36:35
about 12 years ago, that's where I was in such pain that that's
36:39
why I wrote out 180 pages of my pain.
36:42
And during that whole time as I'm writing all the pain from
36:46
the sisters, because I shared with you that nobody knew what
36:49
was going on, how I was being abusive behind the scenes in the
36:53
convent. And so I got, I wrote all that
36:56
out and I'm like, Oh my God. And, and then I had to take a
36:59
real look at it. I had a hot, you know, So I put
37:01
that aside because I was still so much pain and I couldn't, I
37:05
couldn't write because at the time, because I was like full of
37:10
anger, resentments, and it wouldn't come out nice.
37:12
So I did put it aside and then I could continue my journey, found
37:16
the rooms of a a found my sobriety, found healing, found
37:19
all that the good light, the good stuff, living in a healthy
37:22
solution that a few years ago, my friend of mine who said, Oh,
37:28
you know, read my 180 pains and says, wow, we can we let's do
37:32
something with this right now. So that's so that's what it's my
37:35
memoir, it's my journey, it's my memoir, my story.
37:39
I got nothing to hide really. And and if I do, that's going to
37:43
be my next book. I love that, and I think it
37:47
speaks so well too. You spoke to this really well,
37:50
but you really went through a a series of season between the
37:54
time you started it and the time you came back to it, of
37:57
accepting all of your layers, all the pieces and parts of your
38:01
story. Talk to me about that because
38:04
you also have the wisdom to know at the time when you started it.
38:08
I need to put this away. I want this isn't if I move
38:12
forward any further, it's not going to come out in the healthy
38:15
way that I want it to be delivered.
38:17
So you had the wisdom to know that and then the, you know, the
38:22
healing overtime began and you were able to look at all those
38:26
layers and pieces of your life and give them the air they
38:31
needed, I think, to come out and be acknowledged.
38:34
So talk to me about that. Yeah, I mean, it's, and it's so
38:38
true because when I left the convent in that disruptive way
38:43
and someone told me I should write a book back then, I was
38:46
like, yes, I know, but I couldn't.
38:49
And they wanted me to call it the bad habit, you know?
38:52
Yeah, that's funny, that's sketchy, that's catchy, you
38:55
know, like that. And so I, I for some reason,
38:58
because I also know what's right and wrong, you know, what's
39:01
what's good and bad. And.
39:03
And if I and it would, if it would have came out kind of
39:06
anger came out of resentment, we could add blaming, blaming and
39:09
all that. And so I just, and I didn't
39:12
think, you know how what my life is going to turn out.
39:15
I never thought that my journey was ended up with Danny and
39:18
Danny's death and all that. And and so when that came out, I
39:22
was like, Oh my God. And somebody did say, write it
39:24
all out, write your pay now. And because I had stopped
39:28
journaling, I stopped everything.
39:29
So I did. And that's where all like all
39:31
the junk, all the junk came up, came up.
39:36
And then all of a sudden, you know, then you take a look at
39:38
the junk and, and mind you, when, when I did write about
39:41
Danny's death, I still wasn't in the rooms, you know, I still
39:45
don't know what my life was all about.
39:47
I didn't know nothing. You know, I was just, I was sort
39:50
of like, you know, somebody lifting me up and moving me, you
39:52
know, because I was just simply existing.
39:55
And of course I didn't think of writing anything.
39:58
I was just simply surviving life, as much as I wanted to
40:02
kill myself, as much as I wanted to run into.
40:05
To a tree, as much as I did not want to wake up in the morning,
40:08
I woke up in the morning. I was like, OK, I'll just do
40:11
what I just do. And and to be honest with you,
40:14
Melissa, I don't remember feeling, you know, I don't.
40:16
All I know is I was in a complicated grief.
40:20
It took me a few years, really after maybe one or two years to
40:23
realize that Danny was gone because I was still waiting for
40:26
him to come back, you know, like all this and I had to write all
40:29
that out and everything. And then once I found healing
40:32
within myself, you know, once I once the way I look and once I
40:38
said freedom to the low girl in me, that little girl that was
40:42
all locked up from from insecurity, from self hatred and
40:47
all that, that was that. And, and that little girl got
40:50
built up with thick walls after thick wall, you know, walls of
40:54
pain and tragedy and trauma and life happening without knowing
40:59
that she she shriveled up and in a way and, and with the and, you
41:04
know, being in the rooms and realized, OK, Oh my God, I'm an
41:06
alcoholic and going through all that, being honest, open and
41:10
willing practically every day, even to this day of yes, this is
41:14
yes, this is me. And and reaching out to for me,
41:18
you know, another alcoholic or somebody else that all on that
41:22
little girl started growing again.
41:24
And once I was able to find that peace and that freedom and, and
41:29
able to crossover, one would say the way I look at like crossover
41:33
that boundary, like I am worthy, I am worth it.
41:38
I mean, yes, I got a long way to go.
41:40
You know, we all do. And not not to say, but I'm to a
41:43
point where no, enough is enough, you know, no more
41:47
negativity and things like that. And like you said, when we, when
41:51
things do happen to us, which it does, life goes on.
41:54
I have the resources, I have the source inside, outside, you
41:58
know, to help me to get through what I need to get through.
42:02
Just for today, Melissa, just for today, yeah.
42:05
And that's, and that, and that's what I really learned is that
42:09
all I have is today because today is the universe.
42:12
Today is God. Today is the presence of
42:14
something stronger than me that's keeping me breathing and
42:18
and allowing me talking to you right now today.
42:22
And if I could practice, it's all about practice that and
42:25
focus on that. That's where, you know, it's
42:28
like, wow, wow. Yeah, that power presence, we
42:32
missed that out out on that so much.
42:34
And we forget tomorrow's not promised, you know.
42:36
So present in today, show up as your authentic self today the
42:42
healthiest way you know how and and don't miss those moments.
42:46
I think that's such a great way of putting that.
42:49
So good. So talk to me about you have
42:52
summarized so well and brought together so well how you have
42:56
learned to live out what I call feel, finding empowerment,
43:00
embracing your layers. Talk to me about how what that's
43:04
done to your relationship with yourself as well as your
43:08
relationship with other people. Well, it's easy.
43:12
I mean, it really is because it, I realized that it's OK to feel
43:19
and in those feelings, whether it's sad, joy and anything, you
43:23
are empowering yourself because you're allowing yourself to feel
43:28
those feelings because they're natural in different situations
43:32
and death, yes, it's natural. So for me, as I continue to feel
43:37
my feelings and grow in them and learn, and then life's life is a
43:42
lesson in itself. And sometimes, yes, I may go
43:46
overboard on my feelings or whatever it may be, but but I
43:50
realize that I have an opportunity to like to, to look
43:54
at it, to see it and to embrace it, to embrace Gina because,
43:59
well, I'm, I'm still wounded on the inside.
44:03
I mean, we are always. And now not only through the
44:06
rooms, I'm, I'm back reading the scripture, the word of God for
44:09
me. And it's like, wow, it's
44:11
becoming alive. It's becoming embracing who I
44:14
am. I'm a child of God.
44:16
I'm a sober woman of God. I'm a faithful woman of God.
44:19
Also, I've I've been open to like the, there's like the
44:22
energy, the universe, the nature, you know, where you
44:25
become one in that and that's healing in itself.
44:29
But it's exactly what you said, Melissa.
44:31
If we could practice a being in the presence, just being today,
44:35
you, you don't, you could be at the beach.
44:37
It could be anywhere. That's where the healing really
44:40
takes place. And that's where your feelings
44:42
take place. Like aha, yeah.
44:45
You may not feel it like Gucci, but it's like, it becomes like a
44:49
knowledge, like I know, I know that there's someone greater
44:52
than me that's loving me at this time, that's giving me that.
44:56
And in that you love yourself, you know, you learn to love
45:00
yourself and there's something there is, you know, no.
45:03
And then in that I can reach out to others.
45:05
I can love someone else. So Danny brought a nice guy in
45:09
my life, Brian. He's in sobriety too.
45:12
And we, we have a nice, great relationship.
45:15
It's like, wow, you know, I, I could love someone and be loved
45:19
by somebody. You know, I thought, I thought I
45:21
would never find anyone after Danny, but I know in the bottom
45:25
of my heart Danny brought him in and and he kind of, he, I would
45:29
say, let's me know if I'm going off the rail or not.
45:34
It's good to have those people that know you and you can trust
45:37
to keep you accountable because I think you, you, you brought
45:41
the way you've come around and you were able to go from why me
45:46
to knowing, wait a minute, I've got a role in this.
45:49
I've got, I have accountability in this.
45:51
There's choices I can make within this to help steer this
45:55
ship the way I want it to go. And instead of seeing life
45:58
happening to you, you started making life happen for you.
46:03
I mean, there was a real shift there for you.
46:06
Yeah. And it's been such a great shift
46:08
because I feel that I'm experienced that happy, joyous
46:12
and free within me, with me because like I said to you, the
46:17
little Gina was being built up. Because by the time I, after
46:21
Danny said, by that time, my insides were cold, damp, thick
46:27
wall. No light, no nothing, not even a
46:29
door to come out of, not even a door knob or anything.
46:34
And the walls got get thicker and thicker, wetter cement, you
46:38
name it. And that's exactly how I felt.
46:42
Someone could have said to me, oh, you know, there's light
46:44
there. I didn't feel that light.
46:47
I, I, I didn't even have that light.
46:49
I didn't even have that hope. No, this is my state of great.
46:53
This is how I feel. And I do look back in hindsight
46:56
that truly that was like a state of grace that for me to
46:59
experience it because when somebody else goes through it, I
47:02
can really can't tell them what to do.
47:04
I know in my heart that there's some something mysterious is
47:08
going to breakthrough and whatever it could be ABCD, but
47:12
it's something good in a healthy way of living.
47:16
You know, it could be through yoga, it could be through, you
47:18
know, everyone. There's so many resources that
47:20
are positive and and I believe God sees it all.
47:24
You know, he knows it all and he allows, OK, this person I'll
47:27
get, you know, like this and this and he knows what we need
47:30
and he knows what I need. So so today, you know, I do, I
47:35
feel like I live more in the light.
47:37
I always say more godless Gina. You know, that could be my
47:41
simple prayer, more godless Gina, like, OK, in this
47:45
situation, more of you, less me, less me.
47:48
Because if it becomes me, Oh my God, I'll be back to the like I
47:53
was 3020, ten years ago. And that was a worse place to
47:57
be. So right now, I, instead of
48:00
chasing after to be loved and you know, to be loved, I chase
48:04
after that true and real joy within me that that that has
48:09
been there. And that's coming out slowly but
48:13
surely one day at a time to embrace that.
48:16
That's what I chase. That's what I'm tasting.
48:19
Yes, I want that. No more, no more negativity.
48:22
Why me and all that? You know, it's like Gina, why
48:25
not me? I love that.
48:29
That's so good. All right, we are down to the
48:33
rapid fire named 5 Activities That Nourish You.
48:40
Going to the beach, going playing golf, sitting alone in
48:45
prayer, meditation, being outside our balcony and watching
48:52
the birds, coming to the feeders and and also being with Brian,
48:57
my boyfriend. I love that.
48:59
All right, And five words on how you want to feel the next six
49:03
months. Oh, what I want to feel next six
49:07
months is continued joy, peace, love, faith and.
49:12
Humility. I love that.
49:14
So good, Gina. These resources will all be on
49:17
our website at embracinglayers.com.
49:19
Listeners, be aware of that, but it's here right now where people
49:22
can find you and follow you, get your book, all those things
49:25
you've got. Blogs.
49:27
My website isginaecon.com Yes I have blogs on that.
49:33
My my book is on it. It's available on Amazon.
49:35
Shake the dust off your feet and walk.
49:38
Guess I'm on Instagram Jeannie Komopolis as well as Facebook
49:42
Jeannie Komopolis. All right.
49:44
And any last thoughts you'd like to leave with our listeners
49:47
today? Yes.
49:50
Do not give up, do not be discouraged, do not lose hope,
49:53
and know that you are loved. And if nobody told you they love
49:57
you today, I do. Oh, I love that.
49:59
That is such a great way to wrap up this episode.
50:02
Thank you so much for being here with me, for sharing your story,
50:06
for sharing your knowledge, your wisdom, what you've learned and
50:09
how you show up in the world today for never giving up on
50:12
yourself. It's such a joy to be able to
50:15
meet. You know, you share this story.
50:17
This is going to help so many women.
50:19
I'm just, I feel it in my bones. And I'm so thankful for your
50:23
time today. Listeners, take this with you.
50:27
Thank you and listen to all you listeners.
50:29
You're all in my prayers. God's peace.
50:31
Oh, thank. You so much.
50:32
All right, everyone take good care and we'll see you next time
50:36
here on the Field podcast. Hello and thank you so much for
50:41
being with us today on this episode of the Feel podcast.
50:45
If you would like more information on how you can apply
50:50
these talking points that I share with our guests in each
50:53
episode to your own life, really utilize this Feel framework, go
50:59
to embracinglayers.com, fill out our contact form and let's set
51:04
up a free 30 minute consultation to talk about how you can start
51:09
being your most authentic, organic, healthy feel fueled
51:14
life. Thanks again for being with us
51:17
today. We'll be back to you soon with
51:18
another episode here on the Feel Pot.