Latest / The Art of Love With Lucia / Episode 670: Stages Your Avoidant Ex Goes Through During No Contact - Part 2 of 2

Transcript

Episode 670: Stages Your Avoidant Ex Goes Through During No Contact - Part 2 of 2 · The Art of Love With Lucia

• 0:00
  Hi, this is Lucia with The Art of Love.
• 0:02
  I'm a dating and relationship expert specializing in helping
• 0:05
  you get your X back or to get over your X.
• 0:08
  As you can see from the title of the video, this is Part 2 of the
• 0:14
  stages your avoidant X goes through during no contact.
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  Which means of course there's a Part 1.
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  So if you haven't yet listened to Part 1, I would suggest you
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  do that or this video would be a bit confusing.
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  And after you've done that, then come on back.
• 0:29
  We'll still be here with Part 2. And if you have listened to Part
• 0:32
  1, congratulations, this is Part 2.
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  But before I start, I want to welcome back my beautiful no
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  contact Army. Thank you so much for
• 0:40
  downloading the app Silencio. We are going to be adding a lot
• 0:44
  more features in the coming months, so be sure to keep the
• 0:47
  app updated. And of course, the link to that
• 0:50
  app is underneath every single video and podcast.
• 0:53
  And if you too would like to join our no contact army, all
• 0:56
  you have to do is hit the subscribe button and the bell
• 1:00
  notification and you're in. And to read our manual, go to
• 1:04
  nocontactsecrets.com where you can read 2 free chapters before
• 1:08
  you purchase the book. OK, so for the next stage, which
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  I mentioned at the end of Part 1, sadness and missing you, this
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  is the time when the breakup is starting to hit them.
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  And by staying in no contact and allowing for the passage of
• 1:23
  time, their walls and defenses have started to come down.
• 1:27
  They're no longer feeling the negative emotions that they were
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  feeling when they were with you or when they were in the anger,
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  satisfaction and relief stages. They're no longer feeling
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  negative emotions when they think about you and are starting
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  to feel the loss of the breakup finally.
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  And they're now feeling the loss of the positive things that they
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  were getting by being with you since it obviously wasn't all
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  negative, right? Or they wouldn't have been with
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  you in the 1st place. At least I hope not.
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  And this is where Fab kicks in, which I talked about in my video
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  7 Reasons Why the no contact Rule Works on everyone.
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  And of course, I'll put the link in the upper right hand corner
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  on YouTube. And Fab, if you didn't know,
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  stands for faded effect Bias, which basically means that with
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  the passage of time, people forget the bad memories
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  associated associated with a person or a place or a thing.
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  And they only remember the good. And you'll know they're in this
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  stage because they'll start to like your photos more on social
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  media, make more comments, view your stories faster.
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  They may post things that are meant to get your attention,
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  such as wearing something that you gave them or posting from a
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  place that you guys used to go to.
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  And this is also the stage where they will text you the famous I
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  miss you text. And I recently saw a very funny
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  response for that, which is when someone says I miss you, you
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  respond with and whose fault is that?
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  Of course, that's not appropriate for everyone's
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  situation or personality. So if you want to know how to
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  respond to the I miss you text, I actually have a whole video on
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  that and I place the link, of course, in the right hand corner
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  on YouTube, the upper right hand corner.
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  So you should congratulate yourself if you get the I miss
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  you text. It means that you did things
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  right after the breakup because not everyone gets an I miss you
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  text. If they don't want to be that
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  vulnerable, they may text you with something that's an inside
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  joke. They may also deliberately try
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  to run into you and make it seem like, oh, it's just a casual run
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  in. Oh, what a surprise.
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  You're here, too. Yeah, right.
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  And then we move to the next stage, which is confusion.
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  What are they confused about? Well, they're confused because
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  they can't stop thinking about you.
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  They're still thinking about you.
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  And they're also confused because you haven't chased them,
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  right? You haven't chased them right?
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  And they wonder what you're up to, and they're probably going
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  to assume that you're seeing someone else.
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  Otherwise, why did you not chase them after they broke up with
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  you? Or why did you stop chasing them
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  after they broke up with you? Surely you're dating someone
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  else. So when someone is confused and
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  they're asking themselves a lot of questions, as Doc Love used
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  to say, that question mark becomes a hook which hooks them
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  back in. And if you'd like to know more
• 4:21
  about Doc Love's wisdom, be sure to check out his book, The
• 4:23
  System and have the link to that underneath every single video.
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  He's the one that I first heard talking about interest level.
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  So they're going to assume that you've either moved on or are
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  seeing someone else. And this is where the Phantom X
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  makes its appearance, which I'll talk about in the final stage.
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  And they'll also wonder if they made the right decision in
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  breaking up with you. Their interest level is going to
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  be at an all time high since the breakup and they're going to
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  wonder if maybe they overreacted and if maybe the relationship
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  can be saved. You'll also know in you they're
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  in the confusion stage if they start to increase the level of
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  communication with you, even if it's not romantic communication.
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  So if you're in touch because you have kids together or you
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  work together, there will be more interactions.
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  And if you weren't in touch at all, this would be the time when
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  they would attempt to make contact.
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  There might be some light flirting because they're testing
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  the waters, or they may look for reasons to hang out with you in
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  a non romantic way. And they may even tell you that
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  they're confused if they're, if you're fearful of went.
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  And this is a stage in which they may come back or at least
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  attempt to because if you're a regular listener, you know that
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  we don't just take people back, right?
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  We do not just let them sneak back in.
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  And For more information on that video or, or that, listen to my
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  video titled the six questions to Ask Your ex When they want
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  you back. They need to be the ones putting
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  in the effort to try to get you back.
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  Don't be the one trying to get things back on track or they're
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  going to lose respect for you. And you can't have love without
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  respect. They ended it.
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  They must be the ones to start it up again.
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  So don't screw things up now that you're so close to the
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  finish line. It would be like running a
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  marathon and you're almost at the end and oops, you fall and
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  you don't finish the race. Oh no.
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  And keep in mind, while they're trying to figure out if they
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  should get back with you, you should also be thinking and have
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  been thinking about whether it makes sense to get back with
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  them. Obviously, when they first broke
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  up with you, you absolutely wanted them back because the
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  breakup was usually a surprise. But once you've had the clarity
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  of no contact and have taken the step back, sometimes you realize
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  that maybe the relationship was no longer working for you and
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  you don't want it back. And then we have the final
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  stage, regret. And this is when they think
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  they've lost you for good and you've moved on and they can't
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  get you back. This is when they'll create an
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  idealized version of a past partner.
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  They'll compare new people to that idealized version.
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  So if you had a deep connection with an avoidant, there's a good
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  chance you're going to fulfill the role of the phantom X, which
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  I mentioned earlier. This will keep them out of
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  rebound relationships or delay them from looking for new
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  opportunities, which obviously is good for you.
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  And this is where the term the one who got away comes from.
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  However, the one who got away is usually the one who was pushed
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  away. And it seems that men more often
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  than women have some version of the one who got away.
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  Keep in mind that they can't get to the stage unless they
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  actually feel that they've lost you for good, and they can't
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  think that unless you have stayed in no contact.
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  And how will your partner behave if they're in the regret stage?
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  Well, they will actually say can we talk or they'll try to engage
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  with you through social media. If your ex is a fearful
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  avoidant, they are in their fearful slash anxious stage at
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  the moment which works in your favor.
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  Obviously if they're dismissive they won't be as anxious but
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  they will definitely be interested.
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  The chances of your ex coming back in this stage are very high
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  and when they asked to meet up you're going to wonder, well how
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  should I behave and what do you know?
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  I have a video on how to behave when you meet up with your ex so
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  I'll put that in the upper right hand corner.
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  So there you go, the stages and avoidant X goes through during
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  no contact. So now it's your turn, I want to
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  hear from you. How long have you been in no
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  contact and how is it going? In the meantime, if you would
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  like my help to get your ex back, you can contact me at
• 8:47
  theartoflove.net and we will send you the rates.
• 8:50
  The direct link is below. They are not on the website.
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  If you found this video helpful, please like, subscribe and
• 8:57
  share. If you're listening to this as a
• 8:59
  podcast, please rate and review. And finally, remember, love
• 9:03
  inspires, empowers, uplifts and enlightens.