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Transcript

Slow down to speed up · #BeMoreLobster

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_01: Welcome back to the Be More Lobster podcast.
• 0:03
  SPEAKER_01: And today we're talking about the big P word, pressure.
• 0:08
  SPEAKER_01: And it's quite aptur really because the reason that I chose Be More Lobster as the title for this podcast is because pod because podcasts, because lobsters know that the pain that they feel from the pressure of outgrowing their shell is just evidence that it's time to grow.
• 0:28
  SPEAKER_01: Whereas what I notice with my clients and in general conversations is that oftentimes that when we're in business and we feel this sense of pressure, that we're often making it mean that we're doing something wrong or that something's not working.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_01: And so today I want to dive into that and give you a completely different reframe that I think is going to create a great sense of freedom for you and give you a new way to move forward in your business.
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_01: So if you're ready, you know what to do.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_01: Grab a brew, let's dive right in.
• 1:01
  SPEAKER_01: I have had conversations around pressure probably weekly for many, many years now.
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_01: It tends to come up in a lot of my calls, and it can sound different.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_01: So it can sound a bit like, oh, I feel so much pressure to like make things work.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_01: I feel pressure to prove to my partner that I can make this work.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_01: That's a big one.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_01: I feel pressure to kind of be moving faster, to be getting results more quickly, so that I can prove a point.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_01: Sometimes there's this need to kind of create momentum, there's this sense of unsafety or um feeling like we're being lazy if we're in a space like the liminal space of creation, which we spoke about in one of the previous podcasts.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_01: The biggest one is definitely always around the pressure to get from where a client is right now to where she wants to be in the shortest period of time possible, and oftentimes with the least amount of discomfort.
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_01: So I just want you to notice if any of those feel true for you.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_01: If you heard yourself saying those things or felt those feelings in your body.
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_01: And words that often get described in these spaces are things like feeling like I'm rushing, feeling like I'm ahead of myself all the time, like I'm chasing myself.
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_01: I've had it described as having this kind of like low daily hum of panic or this palpable internal pressure.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_01: So I'm gonna make an assumption that you're listening to this because you run a business, and I'm gonna hazard a guess that there's a really good chance that you've felt some version of this for yourself.
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_01: And it can show up in different ways.
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe it's like you sit down at your laptop, and before you've even opened anything, your social media or your emails, you've already decided to tell yourself that you you're behind and that you don't have the time.
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_01: You look at your to-do list, and there is this palpable sense of grinding urgency in your body, or you're thinking about your goals incessantly, like it's running around in your head, and what once used to feel exciting now just feels like pressure.
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_01: And you tell yourself in those moments, I'm gonna guess, that if I could just get a bit more organized, if I could be more productive, if I had more help, if I could be more disciplined, then I wouldn't feel this level of pressure.
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_01: Everything would feel feel easier.
• 3:17
  SPEAKER_01: And I want to let you know that's where most people do start looking for their solutions.
• 3:22
  SPEAKER_01: They start looking for a better planner.
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_01: Who here, hands up, has bought a plethora of planners, hoping to find the one that keeps them on track.
• 3:31
  SPEAKER_01: I've got so many.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_01: In fact, I threw two away this morning.
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe you're thinking you just need a better strategy or a system or you need better discipline.
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_01: Discipline's another big one.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_01: People are really good at beating themselves up for not being disciplined enough or committed enough.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_01: But then I asked one particular client a question and it took a very different turn and it made me see things differently for myself and for my clients at the same time.
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_01: I asked her, So what if you just stopped building your own business then?
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_01: What if you just released the pressure of building a business and went and got a job and decided not to pursue this dream anymore?
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_01: What would happen to the pressure?
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_01: And what was so fascinating for me was that the pressure didn't disappear.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_01: And not just that, it didn't disappear, it actually got bigger.
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_01: I watched her visibly changing in front of my eyes at the thought of not being able to build the business and having to go get a job, which then told us something really important in that particular session.
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_01: It was that the business wasn't creating the pressure, the pressure was already there, and the business was simply revealing it.
• 4:43
  SPEAKER_01: I want you to think for yourself like, could that be true for you?
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_01: Because I think this is a really important distinction.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_01: Because when we spend so much time trying to change our circumstances, we may be missing that the real issue, the real problem, the real conversation is actually happening underneath the circumstances.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_01: So, as we kept talking in this particular scenario, what we uncovered was something that felt much more true for her.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_01: And this is one that I've heard so many times.
• 5:17
  SPEAKER_01: It is a fear of running out of time.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_01: The pressure was created out of a fear of running out of time.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_01: Not having enough time to make the business work the way that you want it to work, not having enough time to create the life that you really want.
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_01: That's one of the reasons why you started this business in the first place, the thing that you dream about.
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_01: This is a big one for me, not having enough time to become the person that I know I could be.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_01: And once that became part of the conversation, it took the coaching through a different kind of filter.
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_01: Things started to make a little bit more sense.
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_01: Because have a think about it now.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_01: What happens when you think you're running out of time?
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_01: When you believe that your time is limited and you're racing towards this finish finishing line, what do you do?
• 6:13
  SPEAKER_01: What does the model become that you run?
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_01: How do you behave?
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_01: Of course, you rush.
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_01: That every decision feels life or death.
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_01: That those tiny sitbacks feel way much bigger than they actually are.
• 6:35
  SPEAKER_01: And it makes total sense to me as somatic practitioner that your nervous system is constantly in fight or flight, it's on high alert, and there is this energetic dissonance with your nervous system.
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_01: So the rushing isn't the problem, the rushing is the symptom.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_01: And I think a lot of women, and I've been here so many times, I think we live here without realizing it.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_01: So we try and deal with the rushing while unconsciously we're continuing to believe this story that's actually created it, the story that says, Oh, you're late, you're behind, everyone else has got it figured out, and you haven't yet.
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_01: Why are you wasting so much time?
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_01: That's the story that says that you need to hurry up.
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_01: And so, what I loved about this particular coaching session conversation was that we actually started exploring a different possibility.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_01: I want you to listen to what I'm about to say next.
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_01: I want you to notice where you feel it in your body.
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_01: What if you're actually exactly where you're supposed to be?
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_01: What if you're not supposed to be anywhere different right now?
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_01: What if there really is enough time?
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_01: What if the very thing that's making you feel like you're falling behind is the thing that's actually stopping you from moving forward?
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_01: Because I know for myself personally, here's the thing that I've noticed is that the more rushed that I feel, the less connected I am to myself.
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_01: I think less clearly, I'm not as present as I would like to be.
• 8:17
  SPEAKER_01: And in that space, I can feel myself trying to force things.
• 8:23
  SPEAKER_01: Conversely, I've made some of the best decisions in my life, and I've arrived and allowed myself to just be where I am and slowed down enough to hear myself.
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_01: Those decisions weren't made when I was pushing or panicking, or when I was running to this imaginary finishing line where there was this utopia that everything was going to be great forevermore.
• 8:45
  SPEAKER_01: It was actually when I created space, slowed down, expanded the opportunity to think, to breathe, to trust.
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_01: At the end of this particular call, we talked about what she needed most right now.
• 9:08
  SPEAKER_01: And it won't surprise you, I doubt, that the answer wasn't that she needed another strategy, or of course, and it certainly wasn't that she needed to put more effort in, she actually needed just to have more self-love, some more self-belief and space and breath, and to slow things down.
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_01: In order to be able to run that model, she had to believe that she wasn't giving up, that this wasn't evidence of her complacency.
• 9:42
  SPEAKER_01: This is about her realizing that the version that she was becoming could no longer be built through self-sacrifice and pressure.
• 9:53
  SPEAKER_01: This model was about being in sufficiency, and I think that's a beautiful way for us to all look at it.
• 10:01
  SPEAKER_01: So I want you to answer these questions for yourself.
• 10:04
  SPEAKER_01: Are you building your business from trust or from urgency?
• 10:09
  SPEAKER_01: Are you creating from sufficiency or from fear?
• 10:14
  SPEAKER_01: Are you carrying a story about time that actually doesn't serve you?
• 10:21
  SPEAKER_01: Because there's one thing I hope you take from today's episode, it is this.
• 10:25
  SPEAKER_01: That feeling that you're running out of time is not proof that you are running out of time, it is merely a feeling.
• 10:34
  SPEAKER_01: And when you stop treating every feeling like it's a fact, you create space for a very different experience of life and business.
• 10:47
  SPEAKER_01: Notice where you're rushing, where you're creating unnecessary pressure, and give yourself the time and the space to get curious about the story that sits beneath it all.
• 11:02
  SPEAKER_01: Because that story might have a lot more influence over your results than you realize.
• 11:17
  SPEAKER_01: What if I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be?
• 11:20
  SPEAKER_01: What if I get more done in less time when I slow down?
• 11:25
  SPEAKER_01: What if time didn't even exist?
• 11:27
  SPEAKER_01: Now that's a whole other episode that I can't wait to dive into, but that's one of the things that I come back to.
• 11:34
  SPEAKER_01: I remember that time is this linear concept.
• 11:38
  SPEAKER_01: And I can categorically tell you that when I have practiced and rehearsed slowing down, I not only feel better and less exhausted, I don't feel the pressure.
• 11:50
  SPEAKER_01: I get more done.
• 11:51
  SPEAKER_01: I have more fun while I get the stuff done.
• 11:55
  SPEAKER_01: If you love today's episode, I'd love for you to share it with your friends and your colleagues.
• 12:01
  SPEAKER_01: And please do leave me a review, it would mean a lot to me.
• 12:03
  SPEAKER_01: And I'll speak to you again in the next episode, the Beam on Lobster podcast.