Latest / Around the Kinky Kampfire Podcast / Impromptu Rant as the Year Comes to an End | Pillow Fort Sessions EP 29

Transcript

Impromptu Rant as the Year Comes to an End | Pillow Fort Sessions EP 29 · Around the Kinky Kampfire Podcast

• 1:02
  Speaker 1: Welcome back everybody to the campfire that is kinky, the bonfire, with all the things burning inside or around the kinky campfire, the podcast.
• 1:14
  Speaker 1: This is your host, the Taco Knuckle, fresno Bob, colonel McBee, cuddle Gigolo aka HH Julius.
• 1:25
  Speaker 1: Back for another Pillowfort Session episode here today to talk about something very specific.
• 1:32
  Speaker 1: But actually I'm just going to go on a rant today, so I'm just going to cover a few different topics.
• 1:36
  Speaker 1: If y'all campsters didn't think that your counselor, julius, had no opinions on specific subjects, but actually I do, well, guess what?
• 1:48
  Speaker 1: I'm going to cover some of those things now.
• 1:50
  Speaker 1: So I'm not going to cover some of those things now.
• 1:52
  Speaker 1: So not going to get all nerdy with y'all and break down a specific topic with all the notes and the history and yada, yada, yakety, shmackety.
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: This is going to be purely almost 100% I'm going to say like 99% my opinions on a few things, just stuff I've collected over the last year as we finish up the year Got, as we finish up the year Got like three weeks left in the year or so, so probably like maybe two episodes after this for the year and then we're going to call it quits.
• 2:16
  Speaker 1: Took a break last week for Thanksgiving.
• 2:18
  Speaker 1: It was giving thanks and a lot of food.
• 2:20
  Speaker 1: Actually stayed up late because I couldn't go to sleep because too much food in my belly.
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: Oh, it was rough, but it was good.
• 2:28
  Speaker 1: It was a good, rough.
• 2:29
  Speaker 1: It was a lovely time.
• 2:29
  Speaker 1: It was good.
• 2:30
  Speaker 1: It was a good, rough, lovely time over the holiday.
• 2:32
  Speaker 1: So I'm just going to finish up and, of course, I'll have somebody joining me at some point before the year is over.
• 2:41
  Speaker 1: We got to do some rankings.
• 2:42
  Speaker 1: Everybody likes rankings.
• 2:43
  Speaker 1: I know it's a cliche thing, but got to give my opinion.
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: I got an opinion on some things.
• 2:47
  Speaker 1: Some other people got opinions on some things, so that'll be the time to go ahead and talk about those things.
• 2:52
  Speaker 1: But for now, the real question is what am I drinking?
• 2:55
  Speaker 1: I am drinking once again, not sponsored sparkling ice plus caffeine, zero sugar, energy drink deliciousness.
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: I would whore myself out once again for a sponsorship, but still don't have one as of yet.
• 3:09
  Speaker 1: Uh, if you guys go onto the youtubes, you probably see me doing some fake uh sponsorships just because I'm excited for it.
• 3:16
  Speaker 1: I can't wait till it actually happens.
• 3:18
  Speaker 1: Probably get some practice in, like I'm doing now.
• 3:20
  Speaker 1: Okay, so let's get right into it.
• 3:22
  Speaker 1: The asmr five seconds, we'll see how long this lasts, and three, two one and a three two one.
• 3:35
  Speaker 1: Oh, that was it.
• 3:35
  Speaker 1: Oh, it's so cold.
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: Hopefully y'all heard that because it happened quick.
• 3:38
  Speaker 1: Oh, my goodness, that's so cold.
• 3:41
  Speaker 1: Okay, let's get into this rant.
• 3:43
  Speaker 1: First of all, once again, we're going to basic definitions.
• 3:52
  Speaker 1: We do this as a group.
• 3:53
  Speaker 1: I'm going to go over this now because it's pretty interesting.
• 3:56
  Speaker 1: What's going on with this?
• 3:56
  Speaker 1: Uh, p25, 20, 25 crap, that's about to happen to us.
• 3:59
  Speaker 1: So we're getting limited out there.
• 4:01
  Speaker 1: All the creators that are more on the taboo side.
• 4:04
  Speaker 1: We're getting less and less opportunities to put our put our stuff out there.
• 4:07
  Speaker 1: You know, make a little money.
• 4:09
  Speaker 1: Hopefully we give people the good content that they want, but it's just not happening for some reason.
• 4:13
  Speaker 1: People want to shut us down.
• 4:15
  Speaker 1: But I want to give some education while I'm out here ranting about all the different things.
• 4:20
  Speaker 1: Not a formal definition of all the basic terms, but you will get my opinion on them.
• 4:26
  Speaker 1: So here we go, alright.
• 4:28
  Speaker 1: So first of all, bdsm, bondage, dis on them.
• 4:35
  Speaker 1: So here we go, all right.
• 4:36
  Speaker 1: So first of all, bdsm, bondage, discipline, sadomasochism or dominant submissive.
• 4:38
  Speaker 1: However you want to mix the letters up or whatever.
• 4:39
  Speaker 1: Um well, I mean, there's a specific way.
• 4:40
  Speaker 1: I can't really mix the letters up, but each letter can mean multiple things, but in general, that's what it means bondage, discipline, sadomasochism, all right, impact play Basically, it's a type of play where you use implements to spank.
• 4:56
  Speaker 1: I don't want to say beat people, I was going to say beat people, lash people, yeah, all the different kinds of plays.
• 5:02
  Speaker 1: Being hit by something Could be even your hand, that somebody's getting hit with, and hopefully, well, it should be consensualual.
• 5:14
  Speaker 1: Let's just say it's consensual, you know, have that negotiation, but you're being hit or struck with something.
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: That's impact play, one of the main uh plays that we have in the bdsm lifestyle that most people uh, enjoy.
• 5:28
  Speaker 1: Uh, there's so many different things, but this is one of the ones.
• 5:31
  Speaker 1: This is the type of plays you're going to see very often.
• 5:33
  Speaker 1: Of course, we have thuddy and stingy type of play that you think of it as a punch, stingy, more of a slap, or like very little surface area.
• 5:40
  Speaker 1: That's the big difference.
• 5:41
  Speaker 1: Uh, you can differentiate those a lot of however you want to, but that's the biggest thing is surface area.
• 5:48
  Speaker 1: You're going to have more surface area with the thuddy kind of play and whereas the stingy kind of play, you have lower, less surface area.
• 5:55
  Speaker 1: So it's gonna, it's gonna hurt a little bit differently, it's gonna hurt a little bit more.
• 5:59
  Speaker 1: I would say in general, uh, okay.
• 6:02
  Speaker 1: And then we have, of course we said bdsm, dominant, submissive, that kind of thing.
• 6:07
  Speaker 1: We have the dynamics master, slave, all the different things, except for top and bottom, which, as we've defined before multiple times, top and bottom is an action versus a role that you take, something, you do.
• 6:21
  Speaker 1: So action action verbs.
• 6:24
  Speaker 1: Somebody that's top is somebody that's in control of the scene.
• 6:27
  Speaker 1: Bottom is the one not being controlled or, um, being punished or whatever.
• 6:33
  Speaker 1: It is the one that gave up.
• 6:35
  Speaker 1: Control is usually the bottom in the scene.
• 6:37
  Speaker 1: Top and bottom is something that happens within the scene and then, once the scene is over, control and power can be reverted back however you so see fit.
• 6:46
  Speaker 1: Okay, and of course we have kinks and fetishes.
• 6:50
  Speaker 1: Fetishes is a, not when you fetish, when you sexualize.
• 6:55
  Speaker 1: Kink is something out of the norm that could be used sexually, just something that turns you on in general.
• 7:16
  Speaker 1: Um, so big difference there between a fetish and a kink is a fetish is something you need, kink is something that just turns you on in general.
• 7:24
  Speaker 1: And there's a big old debate about the words being interchanged there, kinks and fetishes and I know a lot of content creators have that big old thing like kinks shouldn't be allowed at like public events, pride for example.
• 7:38
  Speaker 1: But I would argue that kinks are inherently sexual.
• 7:43
  Speaker 1: You have to say, like a non-sexual kink, but in the definition it's what turns you on sexually.
• 7:50
  Speaker 1: So yeah, I don't think kink, but it in the definition it's what turns you on sexually.
• 7:52
  Speaker 1: So yeah, I I don't think kink should be out there in the public, especially if there's like underage people around.
• 7:56
  Speaker 1: Keep that stuff in the bedroom.
• 7:58
  Speaker 1: But you can definitely do bdsm.
• 8:01
  Speaker 1: That's not the same thing as a kink, those two different things you could.
• 8:03
  Speaker 1: Bdsm does not have to include sexual stuff or sex, the basics of it, sex, penetrative, anything, any of that.
• 8:13
  Speaker 1: So I will say that, as far as all the controversy, controversy that is going on, that, uh, yeah, kink, yeah, kinks should not be out in public.
• 8:24
  Speaker 1: But you can do bsm.
• 8:25
  Speaker 1: Bsm is not sexual.
• 8:27
  Speaker 1: Of course we have limits, so big ones are the soft limits and the hard limits.
• 8:31
  Speaker 1: Hard limits are things, activities, goings-ons, that you do not participate in, do not want to participate in.
• 8:37
  Speaker 1: That is a big old red, that is a no-go whatsoever.
• 8:40
  Speaker 1: Soft limits are activities that you participate in, depending on certain situations.
• 8:45
  Speaker 1: Maybe you have a partner that's very enthusiastic about a particular type of play, but you only do that for that partner.
• 8:52
  Speaker 1: I know for me there's definitely anals on that soft limit list.
• 8:55
  Speaker 1: If you're not enthusiastic about it, then I'm probably not going to do it, but if you are enthusiastic, do what you want with it.
• 9:03
  Speaker 1: Yeah, as long as it's negotiated.
• 9:04
  Speaker 1: So that's the big thing about hard and soft limits and, of course, all the different types of play, which one would argue is derived from role play.
• 9:15
  Speaker 1: So all the different kinds of play, pet play, even impact play, grape, just say grape, grape play, all the different types of play.
• 9:23
  Speaker 1: It is a role play, so usually it's limited to a scene.
• 9:26
  Speaker 1: But I mean, however you decide to discuss that with your partners, you can do that there, but it is a role play.
• 9:33
  Speaker 1: You're taking on a role and you're playing it out.
• 9:36
  Speaker 1: Uh, okay, now we have voyeurism and expedition is x, exhibitionism, the two uh different sides of the spectrum.
• 9:45
  Speaker 1: One, you have the exhibitionists that like to be watched, usually publicly, and the voyeurists that like to do the watching, usually publicly.
• 9:54
  Speaker 1: Big old difference there.
• 9:55
  Speaker 1: Voyeurism, exhibitionism, I mean you can be both, so that's totally fine.
• 10:00
  Speaker 1: But that's the difference between those two words.
• 10:02
  Speaker 1: And you have the sadists and the masochists.
• 10:05
  Speaker 1: Yes, the people that like to inflict the pain are the sadists.
• 10:08
  Speaker 1: People who like to receive the pain are mas sadists.
• 10:10
  Speaker 1: The people who like to receive the pain are masochists.
• 10:12
  Speaker 1: One would argue that is non-sexually as well.
• 10:14
  Speaker 1: You can be non-sexually a sadist and a non-sexually a masochist.
• 10:17
  Speaker 1: Not all these things have to involve sex people.
• 10:20
  Speaker 1: You can do them outside of the sex.
• 10:21
  Speaker 1: I know people, I've heard people discuss it.
• 10:25
  Speaker 1: You can do non-sexual things to people.
• 10:27
  Speaker 1: It doesn't have to always include sex.
• 10:29
  Speaker 1: I just want to put that out there.
• 10:30
  Speaker 1: Okay, all right, let's see.
• 10:33
  Speaker 1: Then we have aftercare.
• 10:34
  Speaker 1: So the care you see receive after a scene.
• 10:37
  Speaker 1: One would like to say cuddling is a big thing, just comforting each other, that kind of thing.
• 10:46
  Speaker 1: You know they can happen after all different kinds of stuff, even sex.
• 10:54
  Speaker 1: So there you go.
• 10:55
  Speaker 1: That's one thing.
• 10:55
  Speaker 1: People that highly sexual, you can include that in there as well.
• 10:58
  Speaker 1: Uh, man, I, I enjoy a good cuddling session, especially after intense scene.
• 11:01
  Speaker 1: Whether I'm bottoming or topping, it doesn't really matter.
• 11:03
  Speaker 1: Aftercare it is this podcaster's opinion that aftercare should be used at all times.
• 11:07
  Speaker 1: But once again discuss that with your partners.
• 11:08
  Speaker 1: If you're a person that doesn't need podcasters, opinion that aftercare should be used at all times.
• 11:11
  Speaker 1: But once again discuss that with your partners.
• 11:14
  Speaker 1: If you're the person that doesn't need that thing, or somebody else is going to do the aftercare, totally a thing that happens.
• 11:19
  Speaker 1: Uh, so yeah, just make sure you discuss that.
• 11:22
  Speaker 1: Hmm, yeah, people that don't do aftercare or just like not, not a fan of aftercare at some point, somebody should be doing the aftercare.
• 11:29
  Speaker 1: It or just like not a fan of aftercare at some point.
• 11:30
  Speaker 1: Somebody should be doing the aftercare.
• 11:31
  Speaker 1: It doesn't have to be the one you were playing with, but somebody should be doing some kind of aftercare or at least discuss it, whether it's happening or not.
• 11:37
  Speaker 1: And that brings me to consent.
• 11:38
  Speaker 1: So big thing about consent is people have to know what they are doing.
• 11:44
  Speaker 1: There's a full knowledge of activities or whatever.
• 11:48
  Speaker 1: Have you everything under the sun?
• 11:50
  Speaker 1: The biggest part of consent is that you know what's happening.
• 11:54
  Speaker 1: Otherwise you're just cheating.
• 11:56
  Speaker 1: In that case.
• 11:57
  Speaker 1: Uh, specifically with bdsm, you just personal responsibilities kind of goes out the window.
• 12:02
  Speaker 1: You should be informed.
• 12:04
  Speaker 1: Those things prick.
• 12:05
  Speaker 1: You know that kind of thing consensual, personally, responsible, informed.
• 12:09
  Speaker 1: You have to know what's going on what you're getting yourself into.
• 12:12
  Speaker 1: I know some people like to do the whole CNC.
• 12:15
  Speaker 1: You know consensual non-consent, that is a thing as well.
• 12:18
  Speaker 1: I mean, it's not an oxymoron, what's the one that this two negates each other?
• 12:25
  Speaker 1: Anyways, it's not a double negative, double positive.
• 12:28
  Speaker 1: You can do consensual non-consent, but you can still have safe words, one would argue.
• 12:33
  Speaker 1: You can still have safe words as 100% of the thing and it should be consensual.
• 12:38
  Speaker 1: It says consent, so everything goes is, ooh, that's just dangerous goodness.
• 12:45
  Speaker 1: And then more different types of play.
• 12:47
  Speaker 1: I know for me, a big one for me is electro play.
• 12:50
  Speaker 1: So you're playing with electricity, electro stimulation, that kind of thing.
• 13:00
  Speaker 1: Very good, yeah, we could just definitely go all edge play, all knife play, all the different types of plays.
• 13:04
  Speaker 1: I keep going over and over again Big ones, big ones there, big, big kinds of plays.
• 13:09
  Speaker 1: Let's see, let's go through a couple more definitions and then we will, um, move on to the next topic.
• 13:17
  Speaker 1: Let's see, uh, pretty much everything else I'm seeing is different types of, oh yeah, tickle play is another thing.
• 13:25
  Speaker 1: All all that stuff, yeah, um, yeah.
• 13:28
  Speaker 1: So we have a big foot fetish, pregnancy play, um, uh, lactation.
• 13:41
  Speaker 1: I don't even know what I want to say about all this.
• 13:43
  Speaker 1: Yeah, people, people do those things.
• 13:45
  Speaker 1: Just because you're playing doesn't mean you want it to actually happen.
• 13:48
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it feels like I should have a talk about the birds and the bees with people that don't know about all the different stuff, but we're not going to cover that here.
• 13:58
  Speaker 1: That's a little much for this podcast to cover here, so I'm just going to move on.
• 14:04
  Speaker 1: I wanted to rant about that a little bit, but it's like yeah, okay, okay.
• 14:08
  Speaker 1: So H H Julius has a history.
• 14:11
  Speaker 1: I didn't just show up here in this body of an old man.
• 14:15
  Speaker 1: Now I have a history.
• 14:17
  Speaker 1: I want to talk about that there.
• 14:19
  Speaker 1: I don't know if you guys have heard, but I've talked about this many times.
• 14:22
  Speaker 1: How I lost my virginity is a very funny story, actually, probably going to make a funny bit out of it at some point.
• 14:29
  Speaker 1: That's a little bit of a ramble on a different topic completely.
• 14:33
  Speaker 1: But yeah, I had.
• 14:37
  Speaker 1: I lost my virginity late in high school compared to other people.
• 14:41
  Speaker 1: I think I was like 17 compared to all my other friends.
• 14:43
  Speaker 1: And then I found porn.
• 14:45
  Speaker 1: Porn was great.
• 14:47
  Speaker 1: Wasn't masturbating yet I actually didn't.
• 14:49
  Speaker 1: I found porn many years before I actually started masturbating.
• 14:51
  Speaker 1: It was pretty funny Didn't start masturbating until I was like 21 and a half I have to say a half, because I kind of remember it was like towards the end of the summer.
• 14:58
  Speaker 1: It was pretty funny that I didn't masturbate.
• 15:01
  Speaker 1: But I knew I liked porn and I also knew very quickly that vanilla porn was very boring.
• 15:07
  Speaker 1: So I didn't stick with vanilla porn very long and quickly went into the ones with the whips and the chains and the leather.
• 16:35
  Speaker 1: I had a friend that would acquire VHS tapes at the time VHS tapes and he would give them to us for a discounted price, let's just put it that way.
• 16:49
  Speaker 1: He was often going to the wholesale place and getting discounted VHSs at the time and giving it to us.
• 16:58
  Speaker 1: Sure, we'll go with that.
• 17:00
  Speaker 1: And I quickly realized that the one with the whips and chains and the handcuffs and the leather was for me.
• 17:08
  Speaker 1: So at that point at, let's just say, 18, I was yeah, I was watching those kind of movies and started to try to do a little bit of research.
• 17:26
  Speaker 1: Now this is at the time when you know, back in the day, when it was like dial up If people don't know what that is you literally had to plug your computer into the phone jack in order to get Internet.
• 17:37
  Speaker 1: It wasn't always on, people had to pay like per hour or minute that you were using the Internet.
• 17:43
  Speaker 1: But at that time we little Julius, was over there doing his research on the internet came across many sites that were yeah, okay and talking to people all about my different kinks and beginning fetishes.
• 17:57
  Speaker 1: I don't even know what fetish was at the time, but it was beginning at that point, cause I saw it on the tape and I was like, let's try this out very much consensually, to the excitement of current partners.
• 18:08
  Speaker 1: At a time I wasn't using partners either.
• 18:10
  Speaker 1: Didn't know about that until later on.
• 18:12
  Speaker 1: But yeah, I did that for like four or five years.
• 18:16
  Speaker 1: And then I came across good old FetLife and it's been whips and chains and handcuffs ever since then.
• 18:23
  Speaker 1: I started going to public events in my mid-20s and trying to find different groups.
• 18:29
  Speaker 1: Actually, late 20s, late 20s goodness, I'm so old so that was over a decade ago and I've been publicly going to community events and learning and starting to teach here.
• 18:42
  Speaker 1: Eventually, of course, you know, I kind of teach on the podcast a little bit.
• 18:45
  Speaker 1: I'll say so that myself and uh, through that time I've learned a lot of different things.
• 18:51
  Speaker 1: As far as all the different kinks, especially rope, especially.
• 18:54
  Speaker 1: Oh yeah, yeah, we are doing partial suspensions, need to do a little bit more still, but I I just feel like rope.
• 19:01
  Speaker 1: You know there's people that that's their lifestyle.
• 19:03
  Speaker 1: They love rope all up, all up in the rope.
• 19:06
  Speaker 1: I just view it as part of my toolkit, something I do with all the bdsm activities I enjoy very much.
• 19:14
  Speaker 1: Know that I'm a sadist, of course.
• 19:16
  Speaker 1: You told me, or you, you told me, you heard me tell you about primal and that lifestyle.
• 19:21
  Speaker 1: So kinky bdsm never going away.
• 19:24
  Speaker 1: Primal never going away, it's just a lifestyle, how I am.
• 19:27
  Speaker 1: So that was over a decade ago and about half a decade ago I came across the poly lifestyle community, all those different kinds of things, and I'm like, oh, this is cool.
• 19:36
  Speaker 1: And actually I wasn't like that.
• 19:40
  Speaker 1: I was very much like what the fuck are y'all doing?
• 19:42
  Speaker 1: You know what you're all talking crazy right now, how you gonna do this.
• 19:45
  Speaker 1: Didn't know about compersion, didn't know about talking about feelings, um, caffeine, uh, and talking it out with partners, all these different kind of things.
• 19:58
  Speaker 1: Co-regulation has been a journey and I'll keep y'all posted how that all works out in the long run.
• 20:05
  Speaker 1: It's great how it works out.
• 20:08
  Speaker 1: But, yeah, mixing that all in with the kink is great and of course I mean pretty much every partner I have is interested in the kink All up in it, very excited.
• 20:20
  Speaker 1: Also learned during that time about the asexual spectrum, which of course you guys have heard me talk about.
• 20:26
  Speaker 1: Didn't realize I leaned definitely more Demi and then in between Demi and Ace, kind of float in between there Never been for hookups or like pickup play or any of those kinds of things.
• 20:37
  Speaker 1: I like to have a good, boring, conversational conversation.
• 20:41
  Speaker 1: Very basic it's a conversational conversation because it's a very basic, boring conversation but that develops traction.
• 20:48
  Speaker 1: You guys heard me talk about the different attraction types that there are.
• 20:52
  Speaker 1: Didn't know about any of that in the beginning, but here we are now learning all the different things and learning about poly and how it falls under the non-monogamy umbrella.
• 21:01
  Speaker 1: It's just one of the many types of non-monogamous relationships that can be out there.
• 21:05
  Speaker 1: It's like, oh, polyamory, yeah, you get to have many loves and be in relationship with multiple people with all this communication and talking.
• 21:13
  Speaker 1: It's so great, goodness.
• 21:15
  Speaker 1: So, yeah, oh, and one big lesson I want to take away.
• 21:20
  Speaker 1: Uh, now that I'm ranting even more now, getting you know, warmed up to this ranting, we're like like halfway over, halfway done.
• 21:29
  Speaker 1: Now the pillow fort session is only about 30 minutes, if I didn't mention that before you have is your first time coming in and listening.
• 21:35
  Speaker 1: So we're going to finish up here with my rant, hopefully on a good, nice little note.
• 21:42
  Speaker 1: When you are looking for partners I would say monogamous, non-monogamous, kinky, just want to have fun, all the different kinds of things there are certain flags to look out for.
• 21:55
  Speaker 1: I will say so.
• 21:56
  Speaker 1: The non-kinky people, or BDSM people, don't really have limits, which is crazy, or at least they don't discuss them, which they should should, in my humble opinion.
• 22:08
  Speaker 1: So it's interesting for me to go on and do research on all the different things and not see that a lot in the monogamy world, which is or the crazy.
• 22:16
  Speaker 1: You should definitely talk about limits, but if somebody is not wanting to talk about limits or those kind of things, they just I don't have any limits, that's just.
• 22:27
  Speaker 1: That is a huge red flag.
• 22:28
  Speaker 1: So I will say this this is going to be a very generalized statement about finding partners, but it should like refer to anybody or everybody in different situations.
• 22:39
  Speaker 1: If somebody is not willing to talk about different things.
• 22:41
  Speaker 1: It's like a red flag, just like.
• 22:43
  Speaker 1: I don't care how new you are, I see it all over the place.
• 22:46
  Speaker 1: Bdsm to talk about different things.
• 22:48
  Speaker 1: It's like a red flag, just like I don't care how new you are, I see it all over the place BDSM Reddit, the polyamory Reddit, the non-monogamy Reddits, all the different Reddits, kink Reddits, everything.
• 22:54
  Speaker 1: Single people Reddits.
• 22:55
  Speaker 1: It's like people not willing to have a conversation or they want you to come to their house, like without even meeting.
• 23:01
  Speaker 1: Like no, no, no, we can meet in a public place, a public event or something.
• 23:05
  Speaker 1: There's so many different events.
• 23:06
  Speaker 1: I mean it's like meetupcom.
• 23:07
  Speaker 1: Of course we have fedlife places that just have events posted.
• 23:11
  Speaker 1: Just go on facebook if you want to.
• 23:12
  Speaker 1: There's events all over your place, in your city.
• 23:15
  Speaker 1: I mean, even if you live in a rural place hopefully you don't live that like an hour or two from a place that has events.
• 23:22
  Speaker 1: But going straight, I mean you can if you want to.
• 23:25
  Speaker 1: But I'm just saying my opinion here.
• 23:27
  Speaker 1: Like I said, not gonna be very factual, gonna be mostly opinion.
• 23:30
  Speaker 1: This episode craziness to me.
• 23:32
  Speaker 1: But yeah, go ahead and just uh, meet that person out in public if they don't want to do that.
• 23:37
  Speaker 1: That's kind of weird to me, definitely red flag, not having any limits or just down for whatever, anything goes, type of deals.
• 23:43
  Speaker 1: It's like ooh no, communication is big key, especially if you're in the non-monogamy world and people have partners.
• 23:50
  Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying.
• 23:51
  Speaker 1: They don't want to talk about them.
• 23:52
  Speaker 1: Or you know, I understand like people do whatever they want in their relationships and their polycule.
• 23:58
  Speaker 1: But you know, it's a red flag when people just don't want to share information.
• 24:02
  Speaker 1: As far as I'm concerned about, like partners or, um, being willing to open up the communication styles, now, if you get from that person they don't want to talk to their partners, partners, their metamers, then that's one thing.
• 24:14
  Speaker 1: You don't have to do that.
• 24:15
  Speaker 1: But yeah, just, you know, just be polite, say hello, hello.
• 24:18
  Speaker 1: I understand you don't really want to talk, but I'm so-and-so and I enjoy your partner.
• 24:22
  Speaker 1: Oh, that kind of sounds weird, but you know, just, you know that kind of thing don't be, you know, creepy about it or however, I know it's not very specific, but it's like people are free to not chat with their metamers.
• 24:35
  Speaker 1: But there's something you know just be cordial with people a little bit, all right, especially now a lot of people, it seems like a lot of people are just trying stuff out.
• 24:45
  Speaker 1: It's like I understand you're figuring it out, but you might not be the veteran experience poly person that wants to hold their hand when they're first getting into the lifestyle, cause you have different things.
• 24:56
  Speaker 1: But you know, each person has their own way of doing things and everybody has, you know, not really privileged, but like a right to try out things to see if they like it or not.
• 25:07
  Speaker 1: And if you're not down for that, good for you, and if you are down for that, good for you.
• 25:11
  Speaker 1: But yeah, just have a little bit of communication in there.
• 25:15
  Speaker 1: It's kind of weird.
• 25:15
  Speaker 1: If people don't want it, like, are they just like I don't have it, they're good with it?
• 25:19
  Speaker 1: It's like, uh, it seems kind of weird.
• 25:21
  Speaker 1: Uh, it seems kind of weird, yeah, but if they say they don't want to, they don't want to meet, then that's cool too, okay.
• 25:26
  Speaker 1: But if you're talking to this person and they yeah, that's kind of weird Not wanting to, um, to share about their partners Hopefully I danced around that enough and it became muddled as mud as far as what I'm talking about.
• 25:39
  Speaker 1: Also, remember to vet people.
• 25:41
  Speaker 1: It's going to move on to the next thing.
• 25:42
  Speaker 1: Vet people always have references.
• 25:47
  Speaker 1: Once again, my opinion, if somebody's not known in the community or they don't have any friends in the community, that's also weird.
• 25:51
  Speaker 1: That's kind of strange.
• 25:52
  Speaker 1: They're lacking social skills.
• 25:54
  Speaker 1: How are they going to do in a relationship if they can't talk to other people that they're not in a relationship with?
• 25:59
  Speaker 1: Kind of interesting.
• 26:00
  Speaker 1: I would suggest going out in public somewhere, hopefully at your local event.
• 26:05
  Speaker 1: You should probably have some community friends as well.
• 26:09
  Speaker 1: That's very good with the vetting.
• 26:10
  Speaker 1: If your friends know about this person and they say good things, then you're probably good to go.
• 26:14
  Speaker 1: Also, not knowing about basic terms like the ones we talked about before.
• 26:18
  Speaker 1: And then a big one is people not wanting to do aftercare with their partner after they do a scene.
• 26:24
  Speaker 1: It's like that's your partner, though I understand you just did like a.
• 26:27
  Speaker 1: You just have a play partner and you're just scening with the person, but you're in a relationship with others and you don't.
• 26:32
  Speaker 1: You don't believe in aftercare, like what?
• 26:34
  Speaker 1: And also, what is this thing about?
• 26:35
  Speaker 1: Real doms or real submissives?
• 26:37
  Speaker 1: Everybody is a real person with individual perks, quirks and traits and personalities and all the different things, and you're just like real.
• 26:47
  Speaker 1: There's nothing.
• 26:48
  Speaker 1: There's no should.
• 26:48
  Speaker 1: There's no shoulds.
• 26:50
  Speaker 1: In a relationship, everybody's their own person.
• 26:52
  Speaker 1: So there's no real doms and no real subs or real brats or whatever.
• 26:56
  Speaker 1: Putting that real in there is just a huge red flag.
• 26:59
  Speaker 1: It's like you didn't do your research.
• 27:02
  Speaker 1: I would not want to be with that person.
• 27:03
  Speaker 1: I'm not going to fit me into a box.
• 27:04
  Speaker 1: Research I would not want to be with that person.
• 27:06
  Speaker 1: They're not going to fit me into a box.
• 27:07
  Speaker 1: Jewish doesn't fit in boxes.
• 27:08
  Speaker 1: I'm a wild card.
• 27:09
  Speaker 1: Anything can happen without warning.
• 27:13
  Speaker 1: No, that's not true.
• 27:13
  Speaker 1: Anything negotiated can happen without warning.
• 27:16
  Speaker 1: That's the kind of thing that happens here.
• 27:18
  Speaker 1: We will not put people in the boxes.
• 27:22
  Speaker 1: Subjectify, not objectify.
• 27:24
  Speaker 1: Subjectify, not objectify.
• 27:26
  Speaker 1: Subjectify, not objectify.
• 27:27
  Speaker 1: So we're gonna do okay.
• 27:29
  Speaker 1: And speaking of relationships, I have been on a personal journey myself over the last year or so trying to figure out what is the difference between solitude and loneliness.
• 27:39
  Speaker 1: I've realized that I've expent, expent, expensed, ex, exasperated I don't even know exasperated too much of my personal energy and I was getting burnt out.
• 27:52
  Speaker 1: I know a lot of people have probably heard that word a lot.
• 27:55
  Speaker 1: Do you even know what that means for yourself?
• 27:57
  Speaker 1: For me, it means that I spent too much energy.
• 28:00
  Speaker 1: I've been social.
• 28:02
  Speaker 1: Energy is a big one that I lose a lot of and kind of at the cost of my own well-being.
• 28:08
  Speaker 1: So I've been trying to figure out what that means exactly and what do I see what?
• 28:13
  Speaker 1: What is a relation, being in a relationship, mean to me?
• 28:15
  Speaker 1: That is the question Pros and cons of being in a relationship.
• 28:19
  Speaker 1: We got to do metrics.
• 28:19
  Speaker 1: Julius is a big fan of metrics.
• 28:22
  Speaker 1: I like me some metrics Taking note of what I'm using my energy for, what it means to me to be I don't know, a person in the world, a worker, a child or role model, an adult taxpayer, all those different kinds of american, uh, and what it means to me, and definitely a relationship person boyfriend, girlfriend, girlfriend, them, friend, whoever it is, whatever the title is what it looks like.
• 28:49
  Speaker 1: I've been doing that for myself.
• 28:51
  Speaker 1: Maybe you should do that for yourself too.
• 28:52
  Speaker 1: Figure out where your energy is going.
• 28:53
  Speaker 1: I didn't realize it was burning out so quickly.
• 28:56
  Speaker 1: Got to do that.
• 28:58
  Speaker 1: Insecurity is a big thing, oh boy.
• 28:59
  Speaker 1: Got to work on those insecurities.
• 29:00
  Speaker 1: And along with that we have like attachment theory.
• 29:03
  Speaker 1: I definitely wanted to do an episode about attachment theory for the pillow fort sessions, but I'm like there's so many people talking about this right now everybody should think about them, think about for themselves where you lie.
• 29:17
  Speaker 1: On the attachment theory, if you actually want to heal from attachment theory type stuff and become more securely attached, you probably talk to a therapist definitely not no therapist here as of yet.
• 29:28
  Speaker 1: Maybe some point we'll have one as a guest on the podcast.
• 29:33
  Speaker 1: Figuring that out is one big thing.
• 29:34
  Speaker 1: I would argue is a huge step towards constructive communication.
• 29:40
  Speaker 1: Because if you're trying to talk to somebody and they are avoidant one could say I am, there's more than a few people that would probably argue that If you're trying to get close to an avoidant person and they're just putting up walls, then it's not going to work.
• 29:55
  Speaker 1: Or an anxious person, you're just over-talking too much and sharing too much information.
• 29:59
  Speaker 1: It's probably not going to work.
• 30:01
  Speaker 1: So you've got to meet somewhere in the middle.
• 30:03
  Speaker 1: Co it's probably not going to work.
• 30:04
  Speaker 1: So got to meet somewhere in the middle.
• 30:05
  Speaker 1: Co-regulation people is a big thing, especially if you're in relationships with people.
• 30:08
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's the one thing you got to work on.
• 30:10
  Speaker 1: It's definitely something I've been working on.
• 30:13
  Speaker 1: As far as the solitude and loneliness thing, just reveling in my solitude, getting that energy back up so burnout doesn't happen and then I can co-regulate with people.
• 30:21
  Speaker 1: That's the goal.
• 30:28
  Speaker 1: Attachment theory Definitely look it up.
• 30:29
  Speaker 1: If this is the first time you're hearing about that, I would definitely look that up because, yeah, you could be having minor issues in your relationship and it's all due to that and it's like that one little fix could change it up.
• 30:36
  Speaker 1: So I'm not going to deep dive into it.
• 30:37
  Speaker 1: I was going, I wanted to do an episode about it, but y'all you know there's so many people talking about this right now.
• 30:42
  Speaker 1: I'm just giving my personal opinion about it.
• 30:44
  Speaker 1: Everyone should know you can't diagnose and pathologize other people, but you can work on it for yourself.
• 30:51
  Speaker 1: I always like to say if it looks like a duck, it smells like a duck, but does it walk like a duck?
• 30:56
  Speaker 1: Is it still a duck?
• 31:01
  Speaker 1: Is the question?
• 31:02
  Speaker 1: Two out of three, seven out of nine things are accurate.
• 31:05
  Speaker 1: Is that still the thing?
• 31:07
  Speaker 1: I can't say I have ADHD because only certified professionals can diagnose disorders.
• 31:14
  Speaker 1: But if I get distracted, activated in that way, can I still use the things that help those people to make my life better?
• 31:25
  Speaker 1: I would argue the answer is yes.
• 31:29
  Speaker 1: So I will avoid, avoid, avoid, didn't avoidant, avoidant attachment.
• 31:37
  Speaker 1: I would avoid my avoidant attachment by working on communicating and also insecurities, big thing for myself.
• 31:47
  Speaker 1: Yes, I will work on that myself.
• 31:51
  Speaker 1: So I'm talking to myself while I'm talking to you and you guys are eavesdropping in my vocal internal thoughts yes, exactly, okay.
• 31:59
  Speaker 1: So, yeah, not going to talk about attachment theory specifics, but I will say I'm working on it for myself.
• 32:05
  Speaker 1: I will say that it's very beneficial to know about your attachment style and work on that, I would argue.
• 32:12
  Speaker 1: But of course, 50% of people are securely attached, you lucky bastards.
• 32:16
  Speaker 1: So the rest of us that are in the other side of the spectrum, the other 50% that are 25% anxious, 25% avoidant can help us out there.
• 32:26
  Speaker 1: But also be careful of your own energy.
• 32:29
  Speaker 1: See if you're burning yourself out unnecessarily.
• 32:33
  Speaker 1: But yeah, that's it.
• 32:35
  Speaker 1: That's all I got to say about the attachment theory.
• 32:37
  Speaker 1: Everybody should know.
• 32:38
  Speaker 1: Also, on attachment theory and relationships, there are the love languages which I've talked about before, the five main ones, but I've come to find out there's a lot more out there.
• 32:48
  Speaker 1: So there's a lot more tests rather than just the original five, which is shocking to me.
• 32:54
  Speaker 1: So I got to update that as well.
• 32:55
  Speaker 1: Apparently, I got to update my bdsm results as as well, because there's another test for that one as well.
• 33:01
  Speaker 1: So many things as well.
• 33:04
  Speaker 1: Just keep expanding.
• 33:05
  Speaker 1: Everybody just made their own test, which is crazy, but not crazy because it makes sense, because everybody was talking about it.
• 33:10
  Speaker 1: So, of course, make another test.
• 33:11
  Speaker 1: Not like, the love languages were based on an accredited institution anyway.
• 33:17
  Speaker 1: So, yeah, go ahead and make more tests.
• 33:19
  Speaker 1: I have more testing to do in general, other than the ones I do every like six months.
• 33:26
  Speaker 1: We've got to got to do more.
• 33:28
  Speaker 1: This is more paperwork, though, oh goodness.
• 33:30
  Speaker 1: But yeah, I need to update all that stuff.
• 33:32
  Speaker 1: Craziness.
• 33:34
  Speaker 1: And then I'm seeing it on all the different dating apps as well.
• 33:37
  Speaker 1: People's bdsm tests, like, okay, this is becoming a thing, sure, yeah, oh, that's shibari there in your picture.
• 33:43
  Speaker 1: That's cool, interesting.
• 33:45
  Speaker 1: So all this stuff is going on.
• 33:46
  Speaker 1: Now I'm still just gonna plug again the dating apps to give you a lifetime, not just bumble all the dating apps to give you a lifetime subscription, especially if you're not monogamous, because we're always going to be on there.
• 33:58
  Speaker 1: Just give us the lifetime subscription already, field, yeah, you, just because you guys are leading the way.
• 34:06
  Speaker 1: I don't know.
• 34:06
  Speaker 1: There's no more non-monogamous and kinky people on there recently.
• 34:10
  Speaker 1: So, yeah, give us that lifetime subscription.
• 34:12
  Speaker 1: Especially, tangent rant all over the place.
• 34:16
  Speaker 1: This is what we're doing.
• 34:17
  Speaker 1: As I finish up, I'm just going to go through all the different things.
• 34:21
  Speaker 1: Also, one little note for everybody, just a little disclaimer we here at Around the Kinky Campfire could be political, could be religious Don't really know.
• 34:31
  Speaker 1: Well, you don't really know campsters.
• 34:34
  Speaker 1: I'm saying that because we have our opinion.
• 34:37
  Speaker 1: We're just not a political podcast, not a religious podcast.
• 34:41
  Speaker 1: So we might throw some stuff in there a little bit, but it's not really our thing here.
• 34:45
  Speaker 1: So I don't know if we've actually touched on that before.
• 34:47
  Speaker 1: I just want to let everybody know.
• 34:48
  Speaker 1: If you haven't heard any of that stuff, I understand that there's a lot of political stuff going on, especially referencing our queer friends and trans friends and all those different kinds of things.
• 34:57
  Speaker 1: But we're here around the Kiki Campfire Might do it like publicly, but on the podcast we're not really touching on it.
• 35:05
  Speaker 1: But go out and get your information.
• 35:06
  Speaker 1: It's project 2025.
• 35:07
  Speaker 1: It's some bullshit.
• 35:08
  Speaker 1: I will say that right now.
• 35:10
  Speaker 1: Absolute bullshit.
• 35:11
  Speaker 1: It's really only like political opinion you're gonna get.
• 35:15
  Speaker 1: But yeah, stuff is crap.
• 35:17
  Speaker 1: But as far as like getting specific answers and truthful facts sure, that's a phrase uh, not really going to happen here around the kinky campfire, but we are doing, doing our own research and doing our own things and voting and helping people.
• 35:31
  Speaker 1: But yeah, not too much politics and religion here.
• 35:35
  Speaker 1: Just wanted to say that officially now.
• 35:36
  Speaker 1: Okay, I've ranted about long enough, I think my time is way over, but I want to say that this is the Pillowfort Session of Around the Kinky Campfire.
• 35:46
  Speaker 1: This is your host, hh Julius, and we usually have new episodes every Thursday on all major platforms Spotify, amazon, itunes.
• 35:57
  Speaker 1: All those different things Catch us on a regular basis.
• 36:01
  Speaker 1: As I said, probably one or two more episodes before the year is over.
• 36:05
  Speaker 1: If you don't hear back from me, just by myself, I'm going to say happy new year, happy holidays.
• 36:10
  Speaker 1: Just say holidays, no religions, happy holidays, everybody, happy new year and all those different types of things.
• 36:18
  Speaker 1: And hopefully you join us into next year while we do all the different types of things and hopefully just kind of blow up a little bit.
• 36:24
  Speaker 1: Maybe we'll have a YT something, something going on, I don't know, foreshadowing, hoping for the future, speaking it into existence, all those kinds of things.
• 36:34
  Speaker 1: But for now, this is all.
• 36:36
  Speaker 1: Hopefully you enjoyed the rant.
• 36:38
  Speaker 1: I will definitely rant about all random stuff all over the place if you want me to in the future.
• 36:42
  Speaker 1: That is definitely one thing I can do.
• 36:44
  Speaker 1: I can just keep on ranting and ranting, and ranting, but I'm getting tired now so my time is long.
• 36:50
  Speaker 1: We'll catch you next time on Around the King's Campfire.
• 36:54
  Speaker 1: Pivot Fort Session.
• 36:55
  Speaker 1: Hello.