Latest / Dr. Derek H. Suite MD - The SuiteSpot / Finish Strong Friday 5/7: Determination and Team Work! Interview with Darcel Dillard-Suite

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Finish Strong Friday 5/7: Determination and Team Work! Interview with Darcel Dillard-Suite · Dr. Derek H. Suite MD - The SuiteSpot

• 0:07
  SPEAKER_01: Greetings and welcome, beautiful souls.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_01: Welcome back, welcome back, and welcome back.
• 0:13
  SPEAKER_01: You are listening to The Sweet Spot here.
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_01: I'm Dr.
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_01: Derek Sweet.
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_01: I'm your host on The Sweet Spot.
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_01: As you know, I'm a board certified psychiatrist.
• 0:21
  SPEAKER_01: I work with elite performers.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_01: But more than that, I enjoy the privilege of connecting with you as I have over the past three or four years on a daily basis to discuss and explore the mystery we call life.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_01: Well, this week, as you know, if you've been listening, we've had the privilege and the pleasure of listening to the Queen, my wife, Darcell Dillard Sweet, our very first guest, who is serially present for every single day here on the Sweet Spot.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_01: And if you haven't been listening to Darcell's Wisdom, not just her wisdom on Wednesday, because that's her show, but every single day, Darcell has been literally dropping the pearls of wisdom for us.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_01: And Darcell, thank you so much for your stamina to take uh the whole week to join me here on the sweet spot.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_01: We've really enjoyed having you here.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, thank you.
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_00: Any free anything for you, Dr.
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_00: Sweet.
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_00: Anything for you.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, what a blessing.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_01: I'm so I'm so blessed and so happy.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_01: Well, today is Finish Strong Friday here on The Sweet Spot.
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_01: It's not just any Friday, it's about finishing strong.
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_01: And Darcell, when we talk about finishing strong here on the sweet spot, we're not just talking about crossing the finish line.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, I do work with athletes, and a big part of it is being able to finish strong.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_01: You've got to finish the quarter, you have to finish the game, you have to cross the finish line of the race, you've got to win.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_01: And so finishing strong is a thing.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_01: Now, more than that, it's about what does it take to finish strong?
• 2:07
  SPEAKER_01: What are the ingredients of finishing strong?
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_01: So, Darcell, look, it's no secret.
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_01: In our relationship, everybody knows you're the finisher.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_01: You get it done.
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_01: People are just afraid of Darcell because Darcell gets it done.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_01: And I want to ask you, if you don't mind, what would you say is the main thing that gets you to being gets you to be such a finisher?
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_00: For those listening who really don't even know me, and why would you?
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_00: The truth here is we all have to have a desire to get to the end.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_00: And I vibe off a completion.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_00: And most people who do know me know that I vibe off a completion.
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_00: You know that.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_00: I am that one person, and we talked about this a couple days ago, who if I lose something, I will look and look and look and look till I find it.
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_00: Now, most people who know you know that you wear contact lens.
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_00: And many times in our own relationship, you've lost the lens or it's popped out somewhere, and I don't stop till I help you find that lens.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_00: So that sense of completion, it takes you from the take action Tuesday, the action, the planning, the figuring things out.
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_00: The win for me, the finish for me, the strength in getting the completion is finding that lens or finding the thing that's lost.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_00: So let's just take it to a different level of all of us out there who are professionals and we're doing our job.
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_00: Completing means finishing strong, getting everything completed.
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_00: And there is such gratification in it.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_00: So that's what I get off on.
• 3:49
  SPEAKER_00: Wow.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, well, I've seen it.
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_01: I've seen it.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_01: I remember one time we were at a pool, we were in Philadelphia.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_01: That building we were staying in had a pool in it downstairs.
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_01: And I remember one time we were in the pool or whatever, and my wedding ring somehow, I don't know, it came off my finger or whatever in the pool, and and it was it was like an Olympic-sized swimming pool.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like, when I came out the pool, I'm like, well, I don't know what the the the ring is done.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_01: And not for you.
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_01: I remember this clearly.
• 4:19
  SPEAKER_01: This is years and years and years ago.
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_01: You dove back in that pool, and I don't know how you you were like, I got it.
• 4:29
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, holy cow, how did she do that?
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_01: And to me, it speaks again to your persistence, your perseverance, your determination.
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_01: And I wonder if you could comment, Darcell, a little bit about persistence, because those of us that know you know you to be persistent and determined.
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_01: I know our family, we all depend on you.
• 4:55
  SPEAKER_01: Like when there's something that really needs to get done, we call Darcell.
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_01: Where did this determination and this persistence come from?
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_01: And how do you define those things?
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_01: How do they work for you?
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_00: I think that in our DNA, and all of us are coded, right?
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_00: It's the family background.
• 5:15
  SPEAKER_00: We a lot of us have done the DNA testing and the ancestry.com and all these different things.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_00: In our lineage, some of this is really how we're built.
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_00: And because we've talked about my parents earlier in the week, Dr.
• 5:27
  SPEAKER_00: Sweep, Bobby and Louise Diller, they were finishers.
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_00: I I watched them just do it till it was perfectly done or even just done.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_00: We talked about done is better than perfect, right?
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_00: So you have to have a drive, you have to have a motivation, that persistence, the perseverance, you see it in sports.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_00: You have to really want it.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_00: But that doesn't take a sick person, that doesn't take a weak person, that doesn't take a person who's compromised, that doesn't take the individual who needs to day off because they have had no recovery, they're exhausted.
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_00: That doesn't take a fatigued mind.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_00: We have to be sharp to complete.
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_00: We have to be have that strength in order to be strong.
• 6:13
  SPEAKER_00: All that means building it up.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_00: And so over the years, this DNA that we're talking about, we are building ourselves up so that when we get to these big jobs, these big moments, these big demanding situations that we've put ourselves into because we're the leader or the executor of it, we gotta finish this thing.
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_00: Otherwise, you're gonna be embarrassed or laughed at, and we don't like that.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_00: So a lot of our attitude, not that most of us are narcissistic in that attitude, but you need just a snidget of that in order to love yourself enough to get yourself to the point where you're not gonna take anything less than the completion.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah, I get it.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, you mentioned again so many things.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_01: I gotta tell you Darcell, keeping up with you is just its own metric, right?
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_01: Because you just nailed so many things just now there for me that I'm like, okay, we we talked about desire.
• 7:13
  SPEAKER_01: You have to have this desire, right?
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_01: You also have to be exposed to the right kinds of influences, like the parenting, you have to really not be afraid to deal with the fact that there could be a setback.
• 7:29
  SPEAKER_01: There's so many ways in which you just answer that question that I actually feel as if the best possible thing you can do here is this: you do not give up, you do not back down.
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_01: That's what I've learned from you.
• 7:46
  SPEAKER_01: You don't shrink from the challenge, and this is why you are the go-to person.
• 7:55
  SPEAKER_01: This is it, because you don't back down, you don't sidestep, you keep it going.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_01: You are a completer, and I feel as if that is an identity.
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_01: That is an identity, and I'm wondering for people listening out there, is it Darcy?
• 8:14
  SPEAKER_01: Are you born?
• 8:14
  SPEAKER_01: Were you born like that, or were you shaped that way by experiences and by what you saw?
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_01: Is it a combo?
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_01: I'm just trying to understand because well, like going back to the pool example, I was just gonna buy a new ring.
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_01: I wasn't gonna go back in that pool and and search the entire pool for a ring.
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_01: Like I just didn't, it isn't and I'm like, well, is that my DNA?
• 8:38
  SPEAKER_01: Or is that you know what is that?
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_01: So talk to me about it.
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_01: Talk to me about it.
• 8:45
  SPEAKER_00: They don't know you like I know you.
• 8:47
  SPEAKER_00: You're you're you're you you're the king of let's just get another one.
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, because that's but think about it, Doctor.
• 8:54
  SPEAKER_00: But that's that's a solution.
• 8:55
  SPEAKER_00: Getting another one is a solution, but the logic, the fiscal responsibility that I have in this relationship meant no, go find it and use the money that you're gonna spend on getting another one for the Con Ed bill.
• 9:13
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, ma'am.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, ma'am.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, ma'am.
• 9:15
  SPEAKER_00: So some of this is just practical.
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that as you navigate weighing out which decision to make about finishing and completion and determination, and you use the interesting word, a combo.
• 9:31
  SPEAKER_00: Is it in your DNA or are you shaped that way?
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_00: I think many of us are the combo.
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_00: You get a little bit from dad, a little bit from mom, a little bit from grandma, a little bit from auntie, a little bit from your teacher, that person that you looked up to.
• 9:44
  SPEAKER_00: You've quoted Dr.
• 9:45
  SPEAKER_00: King many times in our relationship, and I've quoted my Angelo.
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, there's great people out there that we've looked up to, that we've seen their exampling of completion, of finishing, of winning, of being superpowers in their own way, of using their superpowers in their own in their own way.
• 10:04
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that one of my superpowers is just really finishing something because there's such a sense of satisfaction in it.
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_00: So I think that that's a desire, but it's also a development.
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 10:17
  SPEAKER_01: So is it okay to have things unfinished?
• 10:19
  SPEAKER_01: I I guess the other part of me, part of being a psychiatrist is this, and you know, you've often talked to me about being careful not to devolve, devolve into psycho babble, I think is what you said.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_01: I won't say the exact words you say, but um I think you know, this is a this is a you know, they're kids listening here.
• 10:41
  SPEAKER_01: But do we do we do we sink into and and sink our teeth into like not finishing and be okay with that?
• 10:50
  SPEAKER_01: Is there ever a time when we can just sort of kick back and say it's okay to leave something unfinished?
• 10:57
  SPEAKER_01: Because as I was just saying, in psychiatry, we kind of can see where unfinished isn't always bad.
• 11:06
  SPEAKER_01: But I I know that but so many of the people I work with are finishers, yourself included.
• 11:12
  SPEAKER_01: Like there is no, to me, it there's no room for the unfinished work or the unfinished business.
• 11:21
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I think we do have to have room for something that doesn't get done because maybe it's not meant to be done by you.
• 11:29
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes we start things and we're out of our wheelhouse.
• 11:33
  SPEAKER_00: And it's a real effort to get it done.
• 11:35
  SPEAKER_00: Now we need to call up a tribe.
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_00: Now we need a team.
• 11:39
  SPEAKER_00: Now we need to delegate because we can't get it done.
• 11:43
  SPEAKER_00: And you mentioned a sweet spot earlier when we actually are trying to get these up and out for all of our audience to listen to.
• 11:50
  SPEAKER_00: There's a process with this, right?
• 11:52
  SPEAKER_00: So you'll do part A and B.
• 11:53
  SPEAKER_00: And if I just decide not to finish it and get you to the finish line, someone's gonna say, and you've had it happen, where's Tuesday?
• 12:00
  SPEAKER_00: Where's Thursday?
• 12:02
  SPEAKER_00: So the elves out there who support Dr.
• 12:04
  SPEAKER_00: Sweet, that'd be me, we gotta make sure it lands.
• 12:09
  SPEAKER_00: But you don't have to do it by yourself, is my point.
• 12:11
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes finishing means getting your team involved.
• 12:16
  SPEAKER_00: You see it on the basketball court every day when you're working or the field of football.
• 12:21
  SPEAKER_00: They can't do it by themselves.
• 12:23
  SPEAKER_00: It takes five of them, ten of them, fifteen of them, twenty of them.
• 12:27
  SPEAKER_00: They'd say it takes a village after this week.
• 12:29
  SPEAKER_00: So sometimes you can walk away.
• 12:31
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna give you permission, but I'm gonna get you to the finish line.
• 12:35
  SPEAKER_01: I got it, Darcy.
• 12:36
  SPEAKER_01: I got it.
• 12:37
  SPEAKER_01: I know what I like about what you're sharing there too.
• 12:39
  SPEAKER_01: But first of all, before I say this, I want to also thank our Sound Engineer.
• 12:43
  SPEAKER_01: We have Maha, we have other people, we have LG, we have great people that work and help both of us with our podcasts, and and we wouldn't be able to do this without their amazing work, uh Sunny as well.
• 12:56
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, we have really cool people who are so gifted and talented that help us get to the other side.
• 13:03
  SPEAKER_01: And uh, I I think we're it's good to acknowledge that it does take a team.
• 13:08
  SPEAKER_01: And getting back to what you just shared, which I thought was absolutely brilliant about unfinished, maybe it's not for you to finish.
• 13:15
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe it's okay to walk away from something if and don't keep spinning your wheels on something that's not yielding, and uh wasting your time and your effort and your energy when you can pivot.
• 13:30
  SPEAKER_01: You can either do two things get the help, as you said, and or pivot.
• 13:34
  SPEAKER_01: Don't be too proud to ask for help, or too proud to walk away and leave that particular thing for somebody else to do, or move on to the thing that might be better for you.
• 13:48
  SPEAKER_01: So, in a way, finishing strong might mean that you leave this thing unfinished so that you can accomplish what is meant for you to finish.
• 14:01
  SPEAKER_01: And those are sophisticated nuances to understand because the real deal is that we will feel like sometimes we risk feeling like a failure.
• 14:13
  SPEAKER_01: And that's why we stay in something so long and we try so hard, and then the minutes turn into hours, and the hours turn into days, and the days turn into weeks, and then the weeks turn into months, and then the months turn into years, and then the years turn into decades, and before you know it, you could have spent a life, a lifetime trying to finish something that maybe you weren't, and to to your brilliant, your brilliant pivot, yet you don't always have to be the one to finish this, and maybe this isn't meant to be.
• 14:50
  SPEAKER_01: And so reading that, reading the tea leaves and understanding that is so important here on Finish Strong Friday.
• 14:56
  SPEAKER_01: Are you in the right race?
• 14:59
  SPEAKER_01: First of all, is this the race you should be running?
• 15:03
  SPEAKER_01: And so maybe we need to go to another race or another game.
• 15:08
  SPEAKER_01: So that's that's just revelation there.
• 15:11
  SPEAKER_01: Dr.
• 15:12
  SPEAKER_01: As we wrap up for the Strong Friday, for the person who is in something and they're seeing progress, but they get a setback every now and then.
• 15:23
  SPEAKER_01: What books or movies or what resources do you lean on, or would you recommend to somebody to just help them stay motivated?
• 15:36
  SPEAKER_00: There's a lot out there.
• 15:38
  SPEAKER_00: And again, since we're scrollers, you can choose maybe someone on LinkedIn or Instagram.
• 15:46
  SPEAKER_00: There's a lot of influencers that fit your model and fit that area that you're trying to acquire more skill at or acquire more confidence about.
• 15:58
  SPEAKER_00: I am a fan of My Angela as a poet, and her words were always so rich about life, about everything in life.
• 16:09
  SPEAKER_00: She had some wonderful poetry that gave us all wisdom around doing and not doing, being and not being, and action and being still, much like Dr.
• 16:26
  SPEAKER_00: Martin Luther King, someone that you call a lot.
• 16:28
  SPEAKER_00: So I think that what we have to do as humans is figure out what works for us, figure out what or who models what that is for us, and then adopt some of those habits as our own.
• 16:43
  SPEAKER_01: I love it.
• 16:44
  SPEAKER_01: I love the idea of finding a role model.
• 16:46
  SPEAKER_01: I didn't think of it that way, right?
• 16:47
  SPEAKER_01: Find a role model, find somebody who's doing what you do, maybe better than what you did, or accomplished it, or somebody who is at least on the same path that you can look at and maybe learn from.
• 17:00
  SPEAKER_01: That is just brilliant.
• 17:01
  SPEAKER_01: It's a wonderful way to end this week, to finish strong here this week.
• 17:06
  SPEAKER_01: Darcelle, thank you again for joining us on the sweet spot.
• 17:10
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you for being a part of Finish Strong Friday.
• 17:14
  SPEAKER_00: I appreciate your having me, and I hope everyone has a great weekend.
• 17:17
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.
• 17:18
  SPEAKER_01: Well, tomorrow, Darcell, I know we've pushed you, but listen, we're near the end here.
• 17:22
  SPEAKER_01: But tomorrow is self-care Saturday, and I'm looking forward to hearing what your self-care secrets are.
• 17:30
  SPEAKER_01: I kind of know some, but I'm curious to hear you articulate them tomorrow.
• 17:34
  SPEAKER_01: So, uh, for everybody who's listening, join us here on the Sweet Spot tomorrow.
• 17:40
  SPEAKER_01: It's Self Care Saturday.
• 17:41
  SPEAKER_01: If you're enjoying the series with me and Darcell, if it's illuminating and giving you insights, please subscribe.
• 17:50
  SPEAKER_01: It's free.
• 17:51
  SPEAKER_01: There's absolutely no charge.
• 17:53
  SPEAKER_01: And if you know someone who may need to finish strong or needs to get some of these insights, uh, please share this with them.
• 18:00
  SPEAKER_01: We would love it.
• 18:01
  SPEAKER_01: And until then, we'll see you tomorrow for Self Care Saturday on the Sweet Spot.
• 18:06
  SPEAKER_00: Take care, everybody.
• 18:07
  SPEAKER_00: See you tomorrow.