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Patreon Teaser: Round Two with Depp/Heard · To All the Men I've Tolerated Before

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  Hi everyone, this is our Patreon teaser for the month. This month,
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  Julia Washington from pop Culture makes Me Jealous and our creative partner over on still
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  Comfy and I did a follow up episode to the episode we did last year
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  on the Patreon about the Johnny Depp and Amber Heard trial. There has been
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  a documentary series that is in four parts and was released on Netflix and explores
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  both sides of the trial and includes some context about the media and the social
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  media surrounding the trial. Don't forget we are currently running a seven day free
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  trial on all tiers, so if you sign up for the free trial for
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  our ten dollars or twenty five dollars tier, you will have access to this
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  bonus episode. All Patreon tiers have access to our ad free early access episodes,
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  and our Patreon exclusive chat rooms, so hit the link in the show
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  notes for our Patreon check out all of the tears and all of the fun
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  stuff we have over there, including higher discount codes for our merchandise than you
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  will find in our newsletters. Everyone, have a great rest of your day
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  and see you next week. Ever, not ever, Okay, are you
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  ready to start? I am ready to start? Topic is so depressing.
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  This topic is so depressing. Thank you so much for choosing it. Well,
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  I figured it was important that we revisit it because we talked about it
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  last year. It's been a year and I actually really struggled with finding like
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  the aftermath, like the legal aftermath. So I don't know if we're going
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  to see the legal aftermath in case law immediately, but they're definitely like,
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  okay, so just so everyone has so everyone knows we Natalie and I talked
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  about the depth Herd trial in I think it was April of last year when
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  it happened. Yeah. Netflix has released a three part docu series. Lots
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  of headlines call it explosive, which I kind of feel like, can we
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  pick a new adjective because when I hear explosive, I don't think content that
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  basically boils it down into obviously three parts. You have Johnny side, you
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  have Amber side, and then you have how social media plays into it.
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  And so we're revisiting that chat because we talked about it last year. There's
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  it was the most Bonker's case to watch. A lot of people compared it
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  to oj Simpson's trial, with the caveat of the differences is OJ didn't have
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  social media. We didn't have social media in nineteen ninety five, thank god.
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  Also because think, Okay, so growing up, I can think of
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  very monumental court cases that my family had on the TV twenty four hours a
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  day and Oprah was talking about every day, or Larry Kane was talking about
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  every day, and it's OJ, Scott Peterson, uh huh, Jean Benet
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  Ramsey, yep, another Peterson case that wasn't John Peterson, but there was
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  like another Peterson guy that probably also murdered a lady and it was already so
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  like integrated into our zegeist. But we had to like physically sit down as
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  a family and be like, Okay, I guess it's time to like turn
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  on Larry Kane. So you still have like a wall between you and it.
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  But yeah, even a year ago, when I was trying really hard
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  to not intake anything about the trial because I was like, I just feel
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  like we don't have the full story. I feel really conflicted about standing with
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  Amber, but I also feel really conflicted about standing with Johnny. And then
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  it's like I just I wasn't in a place to think about it and actually
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  reflect in real time and then you made me watch the docu series, and
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  now I'm remad. I'm sorry I made you, But also I'm not because
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  if there's anybody gonna have this conversation with, it's gonna be you. Like
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  anyone else that I have this conversation with might still be steeped in some level
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  of misogyny. That's not going to like be a constructive conversation because one of
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  the things that I think is overall understood is that the social media influence of
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  this case was massive. I mean it, it was, like you said,
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  it was so hard to avoid anybody's content about the Depp Herd case.
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  And when we first had the conversation, I re listened to it earlier this
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  week to refresh myself on what I said, and I was so mad that
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  the jury wasn't sequestered, and there was this, well you are ordered to
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  not watch TV, to not get on the internet, to not do this.
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  But they also still went home, they all still had family members,
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  they all still had their cell phones. So when Herd's side was like,
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  you expect us to believe that they didn't see anything, You expect us to
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  believe that they honored that you're trusting the honor system here when you and I
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  have both said multiple times we had to actively avoid it and we weren't even
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  on the jury right, and uh, it pissed me off so much.
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  When Johnny's smarty little girl lawyer was like, I just think that people really
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  have a high level of respect for the court system and jury duty, I
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  was like, oh, yeah, that's one thing I know about everyone I
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  have ad Yeah, so I'm pretty sure that they didn't doom scroll at all,
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  or google Johnny Depp or watch Pirates of the Caribbean or anything. What
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  I really appreciate about this documentary is how they did do a side by side
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  of here's Amber's face and here's Johnny's face, and their faces aren't different.
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  He's also smirking, he's also laughing. He's also going boom slam dunk for
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  my team. Mm hmm. But he's not getting ripped for it. She
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  is. And I think you could look at her smirky face. You know
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  that one of the things that has made me bitter during my summertime sadness as
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  summer draws who have closed is this whole idea of no matter what's going on
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  in your marginalized lifestyle. Whether you're a woman or a person of color or
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  a member of the queer community, it is always up to you to overcome
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  whatever bullshit society is throwing your way. So like with Sister Wives, it's
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  like, well, why wasn't that woman strong enough to just stand up to
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  Cody. She would have had the backing of the Sister Wives. And it's
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  like, well, because her religion tells her not to following her religious doctrine,
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  which we're supposed to be allowed to do in this country. And then
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  it's it's why aren't women leaning in more if they want to be taken seriously
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  at cs leaning in? Like why aren't you, Why aren't you raising your
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  hand more? Why aren't you making yourself heard? Because there are three men
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  in the room who never have to just fight to be heard. And the
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  harder I'm fighting, the more that they're going to tell me that I'm shrill
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  and taking a lot of things personally. Yeah, like you're to your point
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  in a cookie chat that we're in. It's it's the responsibility is always put
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  back on us, yeah, rather than like challenging the system. So one
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  of the things that's been batting around in my mind and it was actually when
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  my I think my guests for the episode that dropped today as we're recording this
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  about family core and leaving your abusive partner, is she's like, you kind
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  of know as a victim that the moment that you've fight back, it's over
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  for you, right. And I find that so ridiculous because we have an
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  entire cable channel dedicated to the Snapped TV show, and we have an entire
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  lifetime cable channel dedicated to movies about women who are abused and going to drastic
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  measures to escape that abuse. But when Amber heard also screams at Johnny Depp,
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  oh sure tell them that I hit you just like you hit me,
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  So now you're mister badder too. Because she's probably in some sort of like
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  emotional volatile headspace, then they're like, see, you're not a victim because
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  you played into whatever manipulative, crazy bullshit he was throwing at you, right,
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  Which is why mediators exist, because when your emotions are so present,
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  you're having a hard time regulating. Sometimes you need somebody to come in.
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  And we said this last time when we recorded. It's two volatile people in
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  the same room together. So like the decision to decide who's the least volatile
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  and the most correct in the hands of the court. Well, And something
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  that I'm also really tired of not seeing when it comes to these high level
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  domestic abuse cases is like, where is the person who is the expert on
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  the abuse cycle? Because we had a mental health psychologists sit on the stand
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  and be like, well, Amber's mentally ill, and it's like okay,
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  And then we had another one who goes, well, yeah, she's mentally
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  ill, but it's caused by her PTSD, and then but we never had
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  anyone sit down to be like, I have a master's PhD in the abuse
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  cycle and only the abuse cycle, and I believe that the behaviors that Amber
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  exhibited happened in this moment in the abuse cycle, because we're at the point
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  in our society where we can name every moment of the abuse cycle and kind
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  of see where everyone is, and we know that part of that abuse cycle
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  is when they flip the script on you and it's them baiting you into getting
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  into a fight with them. It's im bating you into raising your voice or
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  getting physical or trying to run away so they get to hurt you quicker and
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  faster. And it's like our court system is like, well, that's not
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  a thing. We're not looking at a cycle at large. We're looking at
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  Johnny Depp and only Johnny Depp. And it doesn't happen in a vacuum.
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  What was interesting about the mental health professionals coming in and Johnny Depp's team coming
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  in and having an analysis done, and that therapist deciding that she has bordered,
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  that Amber has borderline personality disorder and histrionic disorder, two disorders I'm very
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  familiar with. I have a family member with both of them. So when
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  that came up, I had like a gut reaction because I know what it's
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  like to live with somebody who has those. And then and then Amber Herd's
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  team brings somebody in and they're like, she is PTSD. She is like
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  this is textbook, And I thought, well, why why are Why didn't
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  the judge sit there and say, you know what we need to do.
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  We need to find somebody who's not associated with either of you to do these
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  assessments. And it reminded me and just her decision and the judge's decision to
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  have the cameras on whatever we had that happens all the time with court cases,
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  but it made me go back to our conversation about women who uphold the
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  system, and I feel like the judge falls into that because she did not
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  do anything. In my opinion, based on what we've seen, she didn't
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  do anything to set this up for a fair and equal trial. No,
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  he's allowed the cameras in the courthouse. That was what Johnny's team wanted,
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  not ambers. She doesn't to quester the jury. She doesn't say, hey,
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  this feels skewed. And I don't know if that's the judge's role,
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  but having my own family court experiences, I have had judges who are like,
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  this is sus so, this is what we're gonna do. And I
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  feel like I could see that in this judge, in the footage that we were given